My Little Earth: Humans Are Special

by Skyler Walker

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character
Length: 30789

A botched viewing spell has sent Twilight Sparkle to Earth and into the care of Kyle West.

A botched viewing spell has sent Twilight Sparkle to Earth and into the care of Kyle West. Having been turned into a human, the local species, Twilight Sparkle relies on her host to help her as she finds a way back to Equestria. And, in the meantime, she decides to learn about humans and the world they live in; the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.

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Published 2012-07-31 07:24:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-21 20:02:11 UTC

Prologue: Drawn In

Prologue: Drawn In

Author's Note

I've been sort of pondering this one for awhile. There are a number of Human in Equestria and Pony in Earth fics. I decided to see if I could pull off a PiE one of my own, with Twilight Sparkle as the pony of choice.

I do hope you enjoy this offering. I don't want flames, but if you have criticism I'll gladly take it, if only to improve. If this isn't your cup of tea, then I understand. Still, thank you for taking a moment to look.

“Hmmm, mmm. Hmmm, mmm. Hmmmmmm... This should do it!” Satisfied Twilight set her quill aside, looking over her notes.

Twilight Sparkle smiled light as she moved over to the small area she set aside. She used five gems, enchanted with her own magic, to assist in her experimental spell. Also if anything were to go wrong they would act as an anchor, hopefully keeping her safe.

Everypony had asked at one point 'who else is out there'? Not on Equestria, but among the stars. What strange new worlds awaited to be found? What new forms of life? What magnificent civilizations? What could they teach? What could they learn? What could they find?

If her spell went off right she would open a 'window' into a new world, that she could peer out of and look at what lay beyond. Smiling she began to cast her spell, her horn glowing brightly, eyes closing with focus. After a moment a portal opened before her in the air, flat and circular.

Opening her eyes this new world came into focus. Twilight smiled, a wide grin as she peered in the magic window before her. She was gazing onto what seemed like a neighborhood, lines of houses. It was late in the day, the pony responsible for the sun now lowering it. She saw a creature, some sort of bipedal thing walk onto a grassy field surrounded by a fence behind a house. She assumed the creature owned the house, and the yard attached. It was a strange looking thing; no hooves, it was covered in cloth (Maybe it was a nobler creature than a common one?), and was fur-less save the top of it's head. Twilight was reminded of a chimpanzee that had learned to walk without using it knuckles. She imagined it was male as it looked around itself, as if contemplating. She decided that this would be her subject of study, smiling widely.

And then the window began to wobble. Gasping, she cast a small spell, trying to reconfigure the window into stabilizing. Instead the window grew wider, glowing bright before it began to turn from a flat circle into a sphere, suddenly consuming her. Before she could scream in surprise she screamed in pain. The portal turned into a blinding light before collapsing into nothingness.

“Twilight?” Spike yelled out, sleep addled but now awake from his friend's/sister's/caretaker's scream. “Twilight? TWILIGHT!?”

“Well, I always wanted a house...” A young man sighed, walking around in a backyard. “Just... not how I wanted to get it...”

Kyle West was, more or less, an average nineteen year old guy. Standing five feet eleven inches tall, with fair Caucasian skin, curly brown hair pulled into a shoulder length ponytail. He was fit, but not athletic, and what most would consider boyishly handsome. He held down a new job, working at a local spa and massage parlor. He was still the new guy on staff, but the pay was good and he was told he was excellent with his hands, enough that a few people asked for him by name.

He also owned a house. Not from having purchased it however.

His beloved aunt had passed on two weeks prior. He had always loved his Aunt Polly, ever since his first visit when he was eight. When his mother was on the road, working for her company, he was watched over by Polly and she, unable to bear her own children, treated him as her own. She would watch cartoons with him, no matter how silly. If he wanted to play a video game she would pick up a second controller. (And Aunt Polly was a demon at Street Fighter Four. He had told her should could not play as Ken again so he could have a fighting chance) And then his Aunt, his wonderful, special friend and caretaker was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was caught exceptionally late and by the time treatment began she was told in no uncertain terms that she had six months left to enjoy life.

She fought the cancer to bitter end, never surrendering. Enjoying herself, spending more and more time with him. They went to Disney Land last month, and the month before that she took him camping. He hated camping, but he wouldn't deny her.

She fought cancer for three years before she died. In her will she had left a few odd trinkets to his cousins, but he got the bulk of the inheritance. Enough money to live well without a good job for most of his life. A two story house with three bedrooms, a big game room and office. Both of her cars, a blue Volkswagen Turbo convertible and her white minivan that they drove around in on trips and journeys.

There was so much nostalgia in this house. So much love. So many memories.

So much pain and hurt at the vacancy of his Aunt.

“Aunt Polly.” He spoke softly, looking upwards. “If God exists... Say hi for me!” He said, chuckling sadly, smiling as he looked into the clouds. “And... D-don't worry. I'll be okay. I'll miss you, but... I'll be fine. You'll see...”

Sighing he shook his head, turning to go back inside right before a flash of light sounded. He turned to look.

The light was fast, bright and white and above his Aunt's (Or his rather) pool before vanishing. In it's place was a girl. A naked girl. A naked beautiful girl.

Gravity took note and pulled. The girl fell into the pool, the splash kicking up water.

“Ah shit!” He ran out, jumping into the pool. He was now glad he came out in jeans, a red t-shirt and no socks or shoes. Swimming to the girl he hooked an arm about her, glad she landed face up and didn't sink before swimming to the shallow end. It took little work to pull himself up to the side and lift the girl out. He looked her over now, frowning.

Her skin tone was a shade or two lighter than his own, but her hair was different. Mid back length and nearly black, but noticeably dark purple with a stripe of lighter purple running from tip to bang beside a dark pink stripe. She seemed to be five four to five six with large breasts, C-Cup maybe. Looking further down he saw her pubic hair, his eyes widening. Not at the erotic sight (This situation was too weird for his libido to kick in) but at the colouring.

It matched her hair exactly. Dark purple stripped with lighter purple and dark pink. Spotting her toenails he noted that they were coloured lavender, but seemed odd. Picking up her hand he looked over her fingernails, noticing they were the same colour. Rubbing his thumb over it it felt odd. It wasn't as smooth as his own nails, or his ex-girlfriend's. Looking over at the unconscious girl he thought of what to do.

A bright light suddenly flashing and depositing a naked (And now wet) girl in his backyard was beyond 'not normal'. It was so weird that you could write a novel about it.

Or a lame piece of amateur dribble online.

Right now he decided he couldn't tell anyone about it, not yet. No one would believe him, and she was so... bizarre. Her hair and nails just screamed 'alien' no matter how human she looked. Scooping his arms under her legs and back he picked her up, the girl lighter than his ex, before walking to the open back door.

He hoped she woke up soon.

After he put something on her.

“Ahhh...” Twilight gasped out as she began to stir awake. She felt a bed under her, groaning as she squirmed under the covers. Something was... off.

Celestia's sun poured into the room, but her eyes remained shut defiantly. She needed to remember. She had tried her portal spell and it worked. She was looking into a strange new world. And then... something went wrong.... But what? It's like something caused the portal to ripple. Hey, wait...

Part of her spell relied that High Flame the Wise's Theory of Inter-Dimensional Travel was correct (And given that he was Celestia's student before her, dying of old age six years before she was born, he had to know his stuff) that in theory any portals to another world acted as ends of a tube with the bulk of said 'tube' existing in Sub Space which was, by nature, a universe of fluid mass. In theory; nopony knew exactly what Sub Space was or if it really existed. If this was true it was possible that this fluid was in some form of motion like waves or tides... It could even be subject to some unknown weather phenomenon. If this was true then the 'tube' must have been pushed about by the 'fluid' and caused the portal to distort.

In which case a the spell she cast, which would have turned the portal into something more stable, wouldn't have worked at all because the portal was fine and working, it was just subject to the unknown pulls of Sub Space.

Actually now that she thought about it she more than likely turned something in the library into a plant or something. Maybe she even changed the colours of her shelves.

Ah, it would wear off. And if it didn't she could fix it.

At least Spike was kind enough to drag her to bed. She figured the dragon would give her a stern talking too, but for now she was happy to roll over and rest from her ordeal, lifting a hoof to scratch an itch on her hind leg.

Then something hit her past the fog; that wasn't a hoof. It was too soft and too long. Then something else was noticed; she was fur-less. Sure, her mane was still there, but it's as if someone had shaved every part of her body of fur. She swallowed down the panic, clenching her fore hooves.

Except hooves didn't clench. At all. And they didn't have... digits? Claws? Whatever she felt on the end of them. Shivering she also noticed she couldn't feel her tail. At all. Now she opened up her eyes, sitting up in an odd, but comfortable position. She lifted up her fore hooves.

There was two things with five odd blunt claw like digits that were peach coloured. Turning her head she saw a mirror on the wall.

She saw a strange creature, not unlike what she saw in the portal before but with odd pads on the chest and wearing an odd, black top that bore both fore hooves and a mane style just like her own.

It took a moment to recognize it as herself.

She screamed.

The door on the other end of the room flew open, a creature, possibly the one she viewed, barging in. He wore what seemed to be loose grey cotton pants and a shirt not unlike her own, but blue. “Are you okay Miss?”

“What happened to me?” Twilight shouted, her breaths come in short and fast, panting with panic. “What am I? What's going on? What I am doing here!? Where's my horn!? What--”

“Hey, hey, hey!” The creature, a stallion she figured, cried out grabbing her weird hooves with his own (When did he get close to her) squeezing softly. “Relax, relax! Deep breaths! Come on!'

Nodding Twilight tried to breath deeper, tried to calm herself for rational thought and bring her panic back under control. “Good, good. It's okay. I don't know what's going on, but I'll help you.” He said, his dark blue eyes looking into her own lavender orbs. “I will help you. Do you understand?” Gulping, Twilight gave a small nod. “Say it. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes...” She replied, nodding again. “Yes, I... Thank you...”

He smiled at her, warmly and reassuring. She looked back, wondering if mares of his species found him attractive.

Then a small grumble was heard from her stomach.

“I'll make breakfast.” He said, using his grip to help her up. “Then you can tell me what's going on.”

Kyle was certain that something was off about this girl.

Okay, he was already certain, but more so now.

First she moved oddly as she went downstairs to the kitchen, almost as if she wasn't used to walking. Then she paused, looking at the TV like she had never seen one before as the man on the screen read out the news for the day. Then there was the way she tugged at her clothing. He had taken the liberty of slipping on his late Aunt's old tank top and a pair of gym shorts on her, for lack of anything better. It was almost like she never wore anything.

He made up toast and eggs, having yet to go shopping for food but still having enough for a couple more days. He then watched as she fumbled the fork and knife repeatedly before he came over to adjust her hands himself.

He was thinking that she was an alien, but the idea was far too surreal.

Light above his pool be damned.

Once the food was done he set the dishes away, sitting across from her. “Better?”

“Much.” She said, sighing softly. “Thank you so much.”

“No worries.” He smiled softly, interlacing his fingers, the girl watching his hands as he did so. “My name is Kyle West. What's yours?”

“Ah, Twilight. Twilight Sparkle!” She said, setting a hand to her chest as she spoke.

“...You're parents must have been... Interesting.” Kyle remarked. “So can you tell me why you... appeared over my pool?”

For her part Twilight was wondering why her name was so odd. And what did the word 'Kyle' mean anyway? Clearing her throat she began. “Well I was trying to expand on a theoretical field of magic and--”

“Magic?” Kyle interrupted, blinking. “What, like hocus pocus kinda stuff?”

“Hocus pocus?” Twilight replied frowning as she thought. She couldn't use her magic, obviously, not without her horn. And it's wasn't like her body had a something as a substitute.

Then she noticed the odd claws on her fingers. Too short and too blunt to be weapons, but still... She focused, pointing to the salt shaker on the table.

The shaker was coated in a purple glow as it levitated, her host, yelping in surprise, scrambling backwards and tipping his chair backwards. She didn't expect such a violent reaction, but by how fast he got up he seemed to be unharmed. “What the hell!? What are you?”

“I am...” She began before sighing. “I used to be a unicorn.”

“You... you're saying you were a horse with a horn?”

“Pony.” Twilight corrected as Kyle set the chair back up. “So you have our species here then?”

“In mythology.” Kyle replied. “Unicorns don't exist. Or... They're not supposed to...”

“But the concept of unicorns do...” Twilight mused, rubbing her chin with her knuckles. “Interesting.... Anyway...” She lowered her hand, beginning to explain, the salt shaker moving back to the table, the glow ceasing. “I hail from Equestria. And magic is common there. More common then here, it seems... Anyway, I was testing out a theory of inter-dimensional travel to view other worlds and maybe someday go to them. But somehow... Somehow after I made the viewing portal I... Well, it went out of control. I tried a spell to fix it, but I think it may have backfired, and turned me into your species. … What do you call your species?”

“Human.” Kyle said, patting his chest. “We're humans.”

“Humans... Interesting name.” Twilight nodded once. “Anyway, I seem to have... Well, traveled here by mistake because of that portal.”

“So...” Kyle began, leaning onto the table. “How do you get home? And turn back into a... unicorn?”

“Turning back into a unicorn, since these claws--”

“Fingernails.”

“Fingernails act as my horn would, casting spells is easy enough. I can turn myself back to my normal form easy enough, and regaining a human form should be easy enough, once I work out the details...” Twilight mused, leaning on the table as well. “The returning home portion... I have some ideas but it will... take awhile...” Sighing she lowered her head. “I need to 'find' home... And then come up with a way to reinforce the portal to make sure nothing happens without me wanting it to... And make sure it's safe to travel, and that I can aim it... It'll be a lot of... work...”

“Well, how can I help?” Kyle asked, reaching out to grab her hand again.

“You...you'll help?” She said, blinking back at him.

“I shouldn't believe that your an alien horse who came here because she screwed up a spell.” He replied. “But... I do. And It wouldn't be right to kick you out when you need help. Damned if my Aunt wouldn't allow it.”

“She must be a great mare.”

“Mare?” Kyle responded, letting her hand go, thinking for a moment. “Oh, no. We don't, um, our females aren't called mares. We call them women.”

“Interesting...” Twilight mused. “And what about stallions?”

“Men.”

“I... I think I'll need to learn a lot about your people while I'm here.”

“You'll need to.” Kyle sighed. “You'll have to blend in at least. I think you should stay in the house until you have the basics down. And we get you a new name.”

“Hey! What's wrong with Twilight Sparkle? It's perfectly acceptable on Equestria!”

“Yeah, but here it makes people think of a bad romance novel with girls who screw vampires.”

“...You're not making that up.”

“I wish I was....” Kyle shook his head with a soft chuckle. “So, tell me about your world. Is it just you unicorns, or what?”

“Oh much more! Earth Ponies, Pegasus Ponies and Unicorn Ponies all live there! Also...”

“Mmm, this is what I needed....” Twilight let off, sighing as she stood under the water spray of the shower. It felt so relaxing to have the warm water wash over her. Sighing again she revisited her predicament.

Having had the chance to tell someone completely new about Equestria was enjoyable for her. She told him of the Princesses and their duties (Apparently the sun, moon and weather were under noponies control on Earth, an idea so foreign to her it took awhile to believe) the kinda of ponies who lived there and an idea of what life was like. He also asked what she liked to eat.

Humans, it seemed, couldn't digest daffodils. Pity, she wanted a sandwich later.

She decided that asking her host about the human body would be the first thing she had to do. Most of their post breakfast conversation was about herself, her world and her magic before she asked if she could wash up.

It also gave her the excuse to see her own body without the clothing in the way. Her head was not the only place with the strange fur, called hair, on her body, there was a small patch above her vagina, the purpose of which escaped her. Her body frame was different then her host's as well, more like an hourglass. And the lumps of flesh on her chest were large and were capped by nipples.

How odd for them to be located so far up. Then again, if their babies were held in the mother's arms it would be the right height for feeding babies.

She still missed her tail but loved her new appendages.

Hands.

Glorious, wonderful hands!

With their fingers and thumbs she had a better grip than her mouth did as a pony! Perhaps not as much as a grip of an Earth Pony, but more than most unicorns and a better grip than any hoof. And she had two of them! Attached to arms! You didn't have to shove your face into something or use magic to manipulate it! They were also extremely dextrous yet strong and with her reach it was so easy to wash herself!

She vowed to spread a 'Transform to Human' spell across Equestria when she got back if for no other reason that how useful it could be!

Once done she turned off the water and used a towel to dry her body and hair off with.

One benefit to being fur-less, less time drying.

Once done she walked out of the bathroom, deciding her next course of action would be to get a quill and scroll. Even if she couldn't contact Princess Celestia, at least not yet, that wasn't a reason to not write reports. Although in place of friendship it would be of this new world, this Earth. Finding Kyle sitting down, watching the 'television' she coughed lightly. Kyle's head turned to face her, the human taking a look before gawking. “Ah, something wrong?”

“Twi, why aren't you wearing anything!?” He asked/yelled, standing up,

“Err, ponies don't usually wear clothes...” Twilight replied, looking back down at herself. “Are... Are humans different?”

Kyle sighed as he walk up to her, turning her by the shoulders. “Yeah, humans have a bit of a nudity taboo. Mostly because of conservative religions.”

Actually Kyle was fairly sure that wasn't the only reason, but he knew most had more of a taboo than most people.

Slowly he pushed her back into a room, the one she woke up in. He went to a drawer, pulling out odd small shorts that were too thin to protect against anything, followed by a strange top with a strap and two cups, both white. “You're roughly my Aunt's size, so you should be able to wear her stuff, give or take.”

“What are these?” Twilight asked, picking the clothes up with her magic.

“Bra and panties. Underwear.” Kyle replied, keeping his back to her. “The panties help avoid chaffing your, um, sensitive bits as well as ensures, well, any bodily secretions won't dirty your clothes. These days they can also be used for, uh, well, more intimate moments. The bra is there to help support your breasts, making sure they, uh, don't jostle too much.”

“Breasts? These lumps on my chest?” Twilight asked as she slipped on the panties. “What are they for? I mean I get for feeding babies but they, uh, could be smaller.”

“Ah, think of it a visual cue to guys.” Kyle replied. “It says 'I'm fertile'. Some guys thing bigger is better, some prefer smaller. Most don't care, they just like'em.”

“I see, like the flank!” Twilight said, smiling as she slipped her arms into the shoulder straps. “Uuuhhh, how does this go on?” Kyle turned, relaxing now that her mammaries were covered.

“It clips in the back.” Kyle moves behind her, pulling the straps together, hooking them behind her. “Some are front clasps.”

“Oh, good.” Twilight smiled, turning to face him again. “I hope you're Aunt won't mind this... Think she'll be fine with someone else wearing her things?”

Kyle coughed into his hand, turning his head to the side. “Ah, well she's... not around to argue anymore.”

“What do you... oh... Oh!” Twilight stepped back in understanding. “Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry... I--”

“You couldn't know.” Kyle said, waving it off.

“... It's recent... isn't it...?” Twilight said, wrapping her new arms about his neck, feeling him tremble. “It's okay... It's okay.”

“Sorry, it's just...” Kyle gulped, his own arms coming around her waist. “I miss her...”

Twilight didn't speak, only rubbed his back, rocking him lightly. Within a minute he let off a few sobs.

Twilight Sparkle had a new friend. His name was Kyle West.

He was her friend. She would be there for him.

Once her friend had calmed down and helped her dress she asked for a quill and paper.

To her surprise, the quill was considered beyond outdated in favour of pens that contained their own ink.

Heavens, these humans had such novel things!

Thinking a moment she looked down at the paper before beginning to write.

x---x

Dear Princess Celestia.

As you must know by now my attempts at viewing other worlds has gone... awry, to put it mildly. Instead of viewing the world I wound up in it, with my magic transforming me into a local creature, known as a human. These humans are the only sentient species on this world, oddly enough. I'm not sure when I'll be able to send this message to you; maybe tomorrow, maybe a week, maybe a year. But I will keep writing until I find a way to send them to you.

Until then I intend to write reports on these humans, writing down my findings and views on them and their society. Hopefully by the time I can contact you I'll have learned much of human society. I will return to Equestria. I don't know when, but I will. I promise. Pinkie Pie promise even.

Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.

Signed Your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

Smiling she set the pen aside, slipping the paper into a folder that would soon collect her reports. Standing back up she went back to find her host.

She had reports to make.

Notes

I gave Kyle a large inheritance and a job at a massage parlor as an excuse for mildly flexible hours to spend time with and money on Twilight.

I have a list of subjects that Twilight will research, mostly focusing on humans themselves before moving onto other less direct subjects. That includes our diets.

Any suggestions for subjects that Twilight would like to report on would be appreciated.

Thank you for reading everyone. Please review!

Chapter I: My Body

Chapter I: My Body

Before I begin I want to thank everyone who replied. First day it was up I got a lot of feedback. I was, honestly, surprised by the amount. It's very encouraging to see.

Here's the next chapter and I hope it's as enjoyable as the last.

“Okay Twi, I'll need to do some grocery shopping.” Kyle explained as he sat down on an office chair. Twilight looked at it as he sat down, never having seen one like it. It had a star like base, each point having a wheel on the bottom. The chair itself was designed to swivel about. He sat before a desk with a television-like screen before him, an odd board with letters, numbers and symbols on it, an oval thing on a cord and a grey box with buttons and lights. “But before I go I'll get you set up to do some learning.”

“Okay, but how does these boxes help me?” Twilight asked, scratching an ear with a finger.

“It's called a PC or Personal Computer.” Kyle replied, pushing a button on the underside of the screen. The screen flicked on, showing off a large red, boxy figure with some black object in it's hand. A caption near the right corner declared him as 'Optimus Prime: Autobot Leader'. “The PC can play games, make spreadsheets, documents, play video, music and a few other things. It can also access the Internet.”

“Internet?”

“The information super highway!” Kyle declared as he loaded a program called 'Firefox'. The screen turned to a white one, dominated by a logo that said 'Google'. Kyle typed on the board making a word appear in a box on the screen, 'Wikipedia'. “The internet hosts all sorts of information about, well, everything. And to start you off with you should use Wikipedia. Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia that can be searched for, well, almost any sort of topic you can think of. People, places, things. Mythology, science, technology. History, geography and literature. It'll be a great place to start while I'm gone. Don't you think?” Turning in his seat he took a glance at Twilight.

Kyle flinched. She gazed lustfully at the screen like a hungry man who had fasted for four weeks and had just stumbled over a lobster and steak dinner with all the fixings and a side of fries. Her eyes were glazed over, mouth open slightly as a line of saliva trailed down out of the corner of her mouth.

“Twilight. Please don't drool on my keyboard.”

Kyle rose from the seat, Twilight entering it almost as soon as his weight was off it. A small sound came from her lips which took a moment for Kyle to recognize.

“Ssssssqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqquuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”

“Yeah... So... Have fun....”

Twilight had officially declared the Internet to be her new favorite thing. It was like a massive, infinite library at her hoovetips!

Err, fingertips.

Wikipedia was so helpful. After a little over two hours she was confident in that she was ready to write down the next report.

x---x

Dear Princess Celestia.

For my first report of Earth I think I'll comment on the human body. Attached is a picture I printed off the 'PC' and 'Internet'. Once I have a better understanding of those two things I'll report on them as well. For now the image off the picture of Wikipedia's Human Body section will have to do.

As you may have noticed humans resemble apes somewhat. From my understanding humans descended from apes that once lived in trees. They usually wear clothes, unlike the pictures attached.

It's important to note that on Earth the weather is controlled by nopony. Because of this climate change, apparently, happens And back when humans were tree dwelling apes the climate changed. The forests they inhabited thinned out more and more until they turned into plains. Forced to come down these apes began to walk upright using their knuckles then, as time when on, without their knuckles. Over time they became tool users and tool makers.

One of the single most important things humans have are their hands. Hands have more grip than hooves, and better grip than a non-Earth Pony mouth grip. They, and their arms, are flexible, strong and dexterous, more so than our forehooves. They use hands for everything; writing, playing, cooking, carrying, everything.

Also humans have feet, which have short stubby digits called toes. My guess is that they were more prehensile back during their ancient days as apes, but since changed to make it easier to walk upright.

Humans have no access to magic, but have much greater technology than our own. I am not sure of the limits of this technology at current, but I know that the quill, vinyl records and candles are considered either outdated or obsolete. Humans also have carriages called 'cars' that don't need to be pulled by anypony, only steered. I'll comment more on technology later.

Compared to Earth Ponies humans seem to be a bit weaker but have equal or greater stamina (Provided a similar level of fitness) and much greater agility. Humans can turn, bend and sidestep far faster and easier than us, most likely due to being bipeds. They can't run as fast, but can sprint if needed. It seems humans have learned to ride certain animals, which I again will comment on in another letter.

Humans have spread across the planet, inhabiting nearly everywhere that can support life. This is, in part, to an omnivorous diet. They cannot digest flowers or grass like us, but can eat nuts, grains, vegetables, fruits, berries, dairy, eggs, meats, fish, and insects. Diet varies depending on where the human is located. In some areas insects are a normal part of the diet, in others people would not think of consuming them. Meat, from what I can make out, is very important to the diet of a human. They seem to require proteins to remain healthy. Some humans, called Vegetarians, do not consume meat, using other sources of protein such as nuts and tofu to keep healthy. I'm not sure why, but some of these Vegetarians cut out anything made from animals, namely dairy. I don't know why. Every cow I ever spoke to was proud of how much everypony enjoyed their milk.

Admittedly my information is spotty at the moment, having just arrived still. There is something here about a PETA that I'll need to look into at a later date. For now I'll return to the subject matter.

Humans senses are at similar levels to a ponies, with a slightly dulled sense of smell, but still quite acute. They cannot swivel their ears, however, so they cannot focus their hearing in a direction without turning their head. Their senses of touch, taste and sight are, as far as I can tell, equal to a pony's.

Their hair is similar to our manes, and their fingernails are, more or less, equal to hooftips, just on five fingers than one hoof. They also seem to be as smart as anypony with the same range of emotions and personalities. Kyle, my host, is rather polite.

He says that is stereotypical of 'Canadians'. I'll look into that later.

For now I'll end the report. There is more to learn about the human body, but most of it is in minor differences such as the digestive system.

The advantages humans have over ponies in some areas means that a Transform to Human spell could be very useful to us. I am very much enjoying my human body.

Although I still do not know why they have hair above their sexual organs. There seems to be no reason for it, it's just there.

Maybe I'll figure it out someday.

Signed Your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

Sighing, Twilight slipped the letter into the folder, just as the door opened. Stretching out her back she stood up and wandered downstairs, walking to the kitchen. “Need a hoof?”

“It's hand.” Kyle replied, setting a number of bags on the counter. “And yeah, let's get this set away. I'll cook lunch in a bit.” Sighing her turned to face her. “You find what you needed online?”

“More or less...” Twilight admitted as she opened a bag, looking at the contents. “I know what I've written only scratched the surface. I could have written more, but felt like most of it wouldn't have helped much at the moment. I'll write more tomorrow. It's... It's been a long day.” She started pulling items out of the bag, setting the items that needed to be kept cool into the fridge, Kyle moving things into the cupboards.

“Yeah, it's not everyday you wake up on another planet.” Kyle sighed, setting some cereal away. “You... You gonna be okay, Twi?”

“Yeah, yeah I will.” Twilight let off a sigh, setting the bread aide. “I'll get home sooner or later. And then I'll... I'll see my friends again and my brother and...” Sighing, she shook her head. “...Heavens, not even a day and I miss them.” She sniffed after a moment, putting milk into the fridge.

She should have been out visiting Rarity and Fluttershy at the spa, relaxing and chatting. And she scheduled in time to visit Applejack and her family...

And she'd miss whatever Pinkie Pie would do to throw off her checklists... She wouldn't see Rainbow Dash's latest daredevil stunt.

As soon as she noticed the tears flowing two arms snaked around her shoulders, pulling her back into Kyle's chest. “You'll see them again, right?”

“Ye-yeah...” Twilight said, nodding once.

“Then relax. You need to focus on getting home.” Her gave her a light squeeze in support. “And I said I'd help. So, you will get home.”

“R-right...” Twilight nodded again, turning as she wiped at her eyes with a hand. “I'll... I'll be okay. I just... Don't worry. … You know, once I didn't have friends....”

“Why's that?” Kyle asked, going back to unload the bags.

“I was... still am really, Princess Celestia's personal student. And, well, I kinda buried myself into my studies...” Twilight watched as Kyle nodded, setting the groceries away. “I... I didn't go to parties other ponies threw, I didn't hang out much I just read and studied and practiced my magic. I wanted to impress her so much I just... shunted away everything that wasn't important.”

“So when did you make you're friends?” Kyle asked, opening the fridge to move more food and drinks into it.

“Well I went to Ponyvillie on an errand when I thought that an ancient evil was about to be unleashed.” Kyle paused to give her a look of disbelief. “Magic, remember?”

“Right, forgot, sorry.”

“Anyway...” Twilight continued, leaning back into the counter. “When I first met them I, well, wanted to just hurry up and move on. I didn't want to waste time on them and, well, after all was said and done... I found out how much I really... needed friends. Not just to deal with the evil thing, just... in general. I... I sometimes forget how much of an outcast I was. By my own choice even. But now... I miss them so much. I know what friendship is now, but I'm apart from all my friends.”

“Hey...” Kyle spoke softly, setting the last of the food away before walking back up to her. “You got me. You have one friend here. You're not alone and if you're as good as you say you are you'll see them before you know it.”

“Yeah... Yeah, thanks...” Giggling Twilight shook her head. “Sorry, it's just kind of... All hitting me at the moment. Sorry.”

“Don't worry.” Smiling Kyle wrapped an arm around her. “Why don't you get to work on that then? I'll make lunch soon, alright?”

“Y-yeah, sure.” Smiling Twilight started to walk off. “Hmmm, I'll need to make a list of things I need... Maybe start small scale first... Need to do run the theory first, crunch the numbers....”

Here's the second chapter. Not much picking up, yet, but Twilight will get out of the house eventually. I just wanted to get her thoughts put down about humans as a baseline to start with for the differences between our world and hers. She'll be focusing on the basics on other aspects of humans, and I am planning her to write longer letters. In addition we'll see her interact with humanity at large.

Fun, hmm?

As always I welcome suggestions for subjects Twilight can talk about, as well as feedback and criticism.

Chapter II: Cultured

Yet again I get a lot of positive responses! Thanks everyone! You're great!

“Come on...” Twilight frowned as the fork slipped out of her hand again. She glared at the appendage yet again.

“You'll get it, just relax.” Kyle said, twirling the spaghetti around his fork with ease. “It just takes practice.”

“Thanks, I'm working on it.” Twilight grumbled. As useful as hands were, they were a pain in the flank. So far she was damn glad she had her magic or she'd have a harder time getting things done. The fingers were tricky to control, and moving them one at a time without moving the others with it wasn't easy, yet Kyle made it look casual. Then again he had a lifetime of practice with them, she didn't. Grumbling she also looked as his plate as he ate. Unlike her full plate his was half empty and covered with a pasta sauce.

Pasta sauce with meat.

She had seen Griffon representatives eat before, having shared dinner with the Princess while she had them over. Griffons also needed some meat in their diets, but tended to bring or catch their own food to be cooked and ate. The consumption of meat wasn't repulsive to her, per-say. She was like most ponies; she couldn't digest any meat aside from some fish, and even that was eaten by Pegasi,; Unicorns and Earth Ponies almost never tried them. She had and, well, didn't care for it.

There was two things, however, that put her on edge as far as this case went.

Number One: She was now an omnivore and would need to consume meat products or substitutes to stay healthy if she was to retain a human form. And she had tried the tofu Kyle brought back the other day.

She didn't care if it was the last sort of food on the planet, there was no way in Tartarus she was touching tofu again. She hated it! Granted, Kyle had no idea how to cook or prepare the stuff, but they had both read the online recipes (Thank heavens for Google, her new second favorite thing) and followed them to the letter. She had no reason to think better prepared tofu would be better tasting enough for consumption.

Number Two: The preferred meat in this part of the world was beef.

Beef, or in other words cow.

Kyle had explained, repeatedly, that cows on Earth were not like those on Equestria. They didn't talk, weren't sentient, and weren't very intelligent.

That still didn't make the fact that a species she once shared a cup of coffee with not two months ago smelled delicious.

Normally any form of cooked non-fish flesh would repulse her, but that meat had the aroma of tastiness. She had to attribute it to the fact she was now in the body of a predator species, and thus flesh should smell good to her. Didn't make the conflict of 'Smells Great' versus 'It's a Cow' any better. If anything it made it worse.

Sighing she tried twirling the Parmesan cheese covered noodles about her fork, this time getting it right, if less that she wanted as she ate the food off the fork.

And thus she learned she liked human pasta more than hay pasta.

This stuff was great! How much better would it be with the meat sau--

Okay, let's not think about eating cow today. Maybe another day.

“You're getting it, see?” Kyle smiled at her as he kept eating as well. Twilight smiled back as she got another bundle of pasta on the fork.

Hunger was a good motivator to make that fork work.

“What is this?” Twilight asked, coming into Kyle's room, looking at his computer over his shoulder. Unlike the computer in the office, his own had a larger screen and a taller computer box. On the screen the icon that was controlled by the mouse selected what looked like tiny humans and strange metal boxes on long oval wheels with long barrels on them, directed them to a group of other humans and other differently shaped metal boxes.

“A game, called Command and Conquer: Generals.” Kyle explained, eyes not leaving the screen. “It's a computer game.”

“Wait, is this based on... a real... war?” Twilight asked, gasping a bit. Equestria did know war, the Pony-Griffin War that took place four hundred years ago was well recorded, and there were some records of the Separation Wars that took place almost one and a half thousand years ago before the unification of pony kind. The last war to take place on Equestria was the Uprising War two hundred and fifty years ago where a Unicorn leader, Fevered Speech, proposed Unicorn superiority and a attempted to make the city of Spurlin a Unicorn only city-state. The issue of that was the sizable Earth Pony population and the smaller Pegasus population.

Speech's solution? Kill them all.

It was a horrific war, with a large number of Unicorns from Spurlin and nearby cities joining under Speech's banner. As it turned out his special talent was speech infused magic, making his words into literal commands, more or less brainwashing Unicorns to obey and other ponies to either let themselves be killed or run off. In the end the war was the shortest on record, two months, but made up for it for the bloodiest two months of war in Equestrian history.

Nine hundred guardsmen dead, another thousand injured. Civilian casualties were less accurate, but believed to be somewhere between four hundred to a thousand.

Twelve hundred Unicorns died under the banner of Fevered Speech before he was killed. Princess Celestia, as history records, attempted to take him alive and with his magic contained to stand trial, but he denied her by hanging himself.

Thankfully it's been generations since then.

“No, but based on the issues in the middle east, you can say.” Kyle replied. “It supposedly takes place in the 'near future' where a terrorist army called the GLA more or less tried to expel foreign powers and oppress people. They're loosely based on the Taliban, who launched a very nasty attack some years ago at America. They're still recovering from it over ten years later.”

“Is there a war going on, now?”

“Kinda...” Kyle replied, pausing the game to turn and look at her. “There's an ongoing 'War on Terror' in the middle east, the opinion on which varies. The Korean War is, officially, still on over fifty years later, but right now it's just a staring contest over a boarder. The Iraqi War is, more or less, wrapping up.”

“Three wars at once?” Twilight nearly boggled at the idea. Sure, she knew as a predator species, such as the Griffins, a larger amount of aggression was expected, but three wars?

“It's important to note that no one's died in the Korean War for over fifty years. Maybe sixty, can't remember.” Kyle replied. “The War on Terror was a reaction to the Nine-Eleven attacks and was directed to a terrorist group, not another country. And the Iraqi War while, as far as I'm concerned was started for the wrong reasons, did get rid of a dictator that was a freaking tyrant. Most humans are good decent people who just want to be left to do their thing. Sadly, a few jerks manage to stir up people who should know better and start something that's just damn evil.”

“...I can... Understand that, I guess.” Twilight replied. “I think I'll look up humans and warfare sometime. For now, show me how you play your... game.”

Twilight was pretty sure finding Equestria's location relative to Earth would be simple. Her five anchor gems were made to assist in stabilizing the spell she cast, but it could also be used as a homing signal to light the way home. The big issue was how to get home. Being transported world to world had hurt and left her out cold for most of a day. That was not how she wanted to go home unless she had absolutely no other choice what-so-ever.

It would require some work to figure out a safe way to get from this world to her own. She had some ideas to test out, but couldn't until she had the right supplies. Still that gave her some time to research and write a new letter, turning back to the keyboard before her as well as the paper nearby with a pen hovering over it, encased in magic.

x---x

Dear Princess Celestia

For now I think I'll write about what I've learned about human culture. At first I thought my studies would be rather easy.

Then I realized that humans are... more complex then ponies.

Humans are divided between over a hundred countries, each with their own language, customs and traditions. For the sake of this letter I'll focus on 'western' culture, mainly Canadian and American. Humans, particularly here, have a nudity taboo. After some thought it makes a little sense; being bipeds the sexual organs are much more visible to anyone looking, and males have no sheaths. Most clothing was worn when humans started to migrate to colder areas of the globe or deserts to ward off the sun. Religions then picked up on this, making nudity a 'sin' more or less, or indecent. In particular a religion called 'Christianity' which itself seems to have influenced culture quite a bit. I'm sure that will make another wonderful subject.

Humans are, for the most part, good friendly people. They are as welcoming as anypony else. The problem with humans focuses on two main issues.

As a predator species violence comes much, much easier. In recorded Equestrian history ponykind has fought a total of five wars in one and a half thousand years. Humans once had the same amount within a hundred year time span; World War One, World War Two, The Korean War, The Vietnam War and Gulf War. And those are considered the 'major' wars.

I have yet to get any real information on the Second World War, but from what little I know...

To be honest, it makes the Uprising War look like a schoolyard scuffle. With several thousand deaths occurring in one day. Not the entire war, just one day. From what I can tell, the death toll was over forty million civilian deaths and twenty million military deaths. Humans are, sadly, better at warfare then Griffons and tend to engage in wars on a large scale.

A man named T.E. Lawrence once put it best. “Mankind has had ten-thousand years of experience at fighting and if we must fight, we have no excuse for not fighting well.” Sometime I think I will write about this 'World War Two' in greater detail.

Humans biologically are polygamous, but culturally monogamous. Originally they considered marriage a lifelong arrangement, with divorces in large amounts being a more recent thing. Part of the reason humans are culturally brought up like this is they have a near one to one ratio of males to female, unlike ponykind where females outnumber the men three to one. In Equestria arranging time for friends to engage in physical pleasure with your husband is considered a sign of tremendous trust and respect between friends. Humans, meanwhile, have much more conservative views on sex. The idea of offering 'playtime' with your husband to your friends would be seen as odd at best. In addition a female having sex with multiple males would be seen as a sexual deviant, and referred to as, well, unkind things. There are humans who are more casual about sex, but most seem to get worked up over it.

One of the most cherished things in this part of the world isn't harmony, but freedom. The ability to do what pleases you (With the caveat of doing no harm to others), going where you please and succeeding or failing on your own merits. The Americans considered it worth dying for.

The Canadians eventually got the same without bloodshed by asking nicely. Like I said, Canadians are stereotyped by their politeness.

Canada's National Animal is the beaver. Yes, the beaver. An industrious rodent is their animal of choice. They're also known for moose, loons and polar bears. In contrast the American National Animal is the bald eagle. The sport of choice is hockey, which is like hooveball, but with a puck in place of a ball, and sticks instead of kicks. It's also played on ice. My understanding is Canadians take the game seriously, too seriously at times according to Kyle.

The television is also a source of culture. The television is hard to explain. It's like a viewing portal, but rather than watching, say Ponyville from Canterlot you watch prerecorded and edited shows for entertainment, news transmitted live as it happens, educational programs and more. There are also longer programs called 'movies' that have larger budgets put into them. They're like plays, but with massive amounts of dollars, the local currency, put into it. Kyle has promised to show me six movies called “Star Wars'.

I really hope this is fantasy. Humans fighting among the stars would undoubtedly be messy.

Truth be told I think writing an overview, an incomplete overview, of culture has only proven how much I need to learn just to pass as human. If anything I seem to have more subjects to write about. For now I'll call it a letter and go onto another subject tomorrow.

All I know is I don't know enough.

Signed your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

“Come on, come on...” Twilight said to herself. She was down in the basement of Kyle's house, searching about. Kyle's Aunt was a curious mare, err, woman who had odd interests and habits. She enjoyed something called 'Transformers' which according to Kyle was more of a colt, err, guy thing.

There was a dead salmon on the wall of the living room over the television that was, apparently, sixty one pounds before being 'stuffed and mounted', which is to say made to look as if it were still alive if frozen in place. It was some off preservation thing to show off the catch like a trophy and somewhat unsettling. She had heard of Griffins doing something like that, keeping skulls of notable kills preserved and showing them off. She apparently held a 'second dan' in 'Tea Kwon Do', some form of self defense/combat form.

Polly was always a tomboy, which she assumed was the human version of tomcolt.

She also had a few odds and ends in the basement. Mostly on shelves across room. There were books, board games (She eyed Risk and Clue as games she might want to try), old clothes, luggage and other nicknacks. Finally after some searching she found what she needed.

Two antique looking trunks. The important part was that they were the same make and size. Assuming Kyle would let her use them these would be perfect for her needs. She still needed to do some theory, but it was a start. Smiling she turned and went up the stairs with a bounce to her step.

She'd need more, but it was a start. Pulling a sheet of paper out she took out a pen. “Containers, check.”

In this chapter I put some wars in Equestria's history, for this fic anyway. I know that this is something that probably wouldn't happen in canon, but it's there since it gives Twilight some context to use later on. Still it should be pointed out that five wars is all that Equestria has had in the past. Humans? I don't think I can count.

As for three mares to one stallion, well, I know I'm not the only one to notices the, um, gender gap in the show. Nearly every background pony is a mare. And how many named stallions appear in the first season? A hell of a lot less than the mares. I know I'm not the only one to notice this, AnonponyDASHIE's fic Xenophilia (Warning: it's a clop fic) even has 'herds' as a commonplace thing. Again it's probably something that has no basis in cannon, but I have no idea where all the guys are hiding. I know not everyone will approve/like these things, but I know others will see what I mean.

And before anyone asks, no, this fic will not turn into a clop. Sorry, but no.

As always topic suggestions/feedback is always welcome.

Chapter III: Clothes Make The Human

Chapter III: Clothes Make The Human

Again I have to thank everyone for the positive feedback! I also need to apologize for putting this off for so long. I tend to procrastinate sometimes, and real life does not help. Anyway, enjoy and keep on reading!

“Damn it's been hectic...” Kyle groaned as he showered up, letting the water cascade over his face and body. Still it'd been worth it. Twilight had made for a great, if odd, housemate.

Kyle would admit being somewhat anti-social. His father had been in the military and had been posted all across Canada until he was ten. His family bounced around every three years before his father went off to Afghanistan in the beginning of Two Thousand and Two. Once settling in two blocks away from his aunt, with the fact she lived there being a major factor of his father pushing to be posted to that city, he began attending school and made a few good friends, but could never bring himself out of his own shell to make more. He'd be polite and helpful to others, but that was about it. Hell, with those few friends gone he sometime wondered if he'd be able to make any more good friends.

Oddly he had one dropped right into his lap.

Sighing he worked the shampoo into his hair. Okay, having a unicorn as a friend was as odd as it got (And she had shown him her true form, a purple furred pony with a horn. She looked quite cuddly), but it still counted as a friend. She needed his help, at least until she could get home.

A friend in need, as they say.

So far she was an interesting housemate, asking about humans, earth and even the animals on the planet testing the limits of his knowledge. And she was addicted to Wikipedia and Google, searching odd topics.

Come to think of it the fact she hadn't remarked on pornography on the internet meant that either one; porn was common in her world or two; she hadn't encountered any yet.

If she missed all of the online porn then it was a small miracle that Jesus himself would have been hard pressed to pull off.

Still it was relaxing to get ready for work and not wonder what Twilight wanted to do with the two trunks in the basement. He remembered his Aunt bought them on a whim, claiming that they'd 'come in handy someday.'

They finally did, although what they'd be used for he wasn't too sure.

Shaking his head free he pushed open the curtains pausing as she saw Twilight there, washing her hands. “Oh, sorry Kyle I just needed to... Hey, that's bigger than in the diagrams I saw!”

Blushing Kyle pulled the curtians about his wasit. “DAMMIT TWILIGHT!”

“Oh, right. Nudity thing.” Blushing Twilight stepped back, waving her still wet hands in the air. “Sorry!” Leaving room she shut the door as Kyle sighed.

Twilight was easy on the eyes.

She hadn't quite caught onto the idea of modesty yet though.

She still tended to walk to her room after a shower bare ass naked.

…

And to be honest...

Dat ass!

…

Or was it, dat flank?

“Heya Susan.” Kyle let off, walking into work. The place in question was called the Crystal Palace. The spa had Greek style pillars and fake and real crystals for decorations littered about in an attempt to create an ancient, mystical feel. It mostly worked, but some could find it a bit cheesy. Still, it was known for it's excellent service and the wonderful massages, and that Diana painted wonderful patterns on nails.

“Morning Kyle, how was your weekend?” Susan asked, looking up as she typed at the computer at her desk.

“Nothing too eventful.” He replied.

Aside from the unicorn turned human in his house, but no need to mention it.

She nodded as Kyle walked up to her. Susan was a near six foot blonde with Double Ds that was enhanced by the toga style clothes she wore, again to add to the feel of the place. And Susan had no issues with her body, whatsoever.

Once he caught her walking over to his work area, bare from the neck down, of both clothes and hair, asking for shampoo, acting like she was strutting around in a three piece suit.

There were rumors going about, asking if those breasts were real (He had a feeling they were) and if she was a real blonde (No idea), but she was good at her job and handled a lot of the finances.

If you stared at her boobs long enough you just might forget she was a near wizard with math.

“Well get changed and get ready, you have Sergeant Concord first.” Kyle nodded and moved into the back. “Also, Miss Richards is in later! She wants her happy ending!”

“Tell her a fairy tale!” Kyle shouted back as he went into the small closet of his ready area. Being the only man on the staff he had taken the closet as his own change area, with his own toga hanging up. He changed out of his clothes, down to his boxers and slipped the toga and sandals on before stepping out and starting to get ready, checking oils, towels and everything else he needed before starting to stretch out his fingers and wrists, warming them up.

Sure enough, five minutes early (As always) Sergeant Walter Concord walked in. “Hey there, Junior. Been awhile.”

“Yeah, didn't see you in last week.” Kyle replied, nodding as the older man moved to the small change area, behind a screen. “Visiting the grand kids?”

“Damn right.” Walter Concord was a six foot three man who served in the Royal Canadian Military as a foot solider and squad leader. Once he was in Afghanistan, traveling down to a local village for a patrol.

Then his transport was struck by an IED, followed by an RPG. The soldiers got their bearings and took down their attacks, over a dozen in all, with only injuries for themselves, no deaths. Walter called in a damned miracle.

Walter, however, had been thrown about when the IED blew up, and again with the RPG hit, ruining the transport and nearly killing them all and nearly breaking his back in two. As it was it had four fractures on his spine and was lucky to have not severed anything.

Patched up he was sent home to recover, but suffered chronic pains during his recovery. By the time he was able to stand, even with a back brace, it was clear painkillers alone wouldn't cut it. So his doctors sent him to the Crystal Palace.

At first he didn't enjoy the visits. While it did help somewhat no one there had the strength to massage the tough, muscular man to correctly work his muscles. Then Kyle showed up three weeks later and took a crack at it.

Walter found the effects almost immediately. The pain went away for days and only returned as a dull ache. Now well enough to move without assistance the pain was a memory and he came back to have the younger man limber him up again.

“So, any word on when they send you back to kill more terrorist?” Kyle asked as Walter walked back, laying down on the table with a towel about his waist.

“Told they ain't sending me back.” Walter replied as Kyle's hands applied some oil to his back from a nearby bottle before he moved to his shoulder, getting to work kneading the muscles. “Gonna make me a drill instructor they say.”

“Well, safer job.” Kyle replied, smiling a bit. “Not more landmines to trip over. Just newbies crapping their pants.” Walter gave off a long laugh at that, Kyle himself shaking his head.

“Long as they do it in the toilets.”

The session continued on in that vein. Walter talked about his career and men he'd met before going on about a letter his squad-mates sent. Near the end he also mentioned a desire to head off to see the Highway of Heroes and just walk along the road.

Kyle himself just listened and nodded. The people he met often made his day and Walter was one of the best to have.

He just felt it would be a good day.

Once more Twilight scratched her head as she looked down at her bed and what she laid atop of it.

Bras and panties.

Skirts and dresses.

Shirts and pants.

Boots and gloves.

Shoes and hats.

All of these items Kyle's Aunt once owned and were more or less hers for the duration of her stay. It was odd to her that humans would have or need so much clothing. The idea that struck her as the oddest was the idea of 'casual' outfits. Not outfits you wear to look good in, or to do work or to go to a party. Just stuff you wear to lounge around in. Or go to the store.

Or anything really.

Humans even had pajamas. It took some explaining from Kyle to understand what they were for.

Why would a species need to have clothes to cover themselves when they slept? Even asleep they can't be naked?

Humans were damned confusing.

Still if she stopped long enough she had to ask herself a question.

Why did humans wear clothing all the time and ponies very rarely?

If she thought about it the ponies that wore clothes most of the time were of higher social status. Prince Blueblood, the few times she saw him, always had something dashing on. Princess Celestia was well known for her royal jewelery, although by human definitions she was still nude. For ponies it was mostly a status symbol. True, like humans there was sexual arousal from seeing the other genders (And for most mares and some stallions, the same genders) genitalia, but a stallions penis was hidden in his sheath while a mares vagina was hidden by her tail. True, the odd peek was unavoidable, but unless you had a very short tail or kept it raised it wouldn't be seen and no fuss was made.

By contrast, as she had already written, human genitalia was right out there in the open, in plain view. If a human wore no clothing you could see everything.

Sighing she went back to the computer to find out more about clothing.

To be honest she wondered about humans sometimes. Such a big nudity taboo and yet find thousands of pictures of humans naked was easy as pie on the internet.

Often while mating.

Maybe humans had a complex with their nudity taboo; it must have somehow made them want to consume more porn.

x---x

Dear Princess Celestia

As I mentioned earlier, humans almost always wear clothing and have clothing for every occasion, even sleeping. Yes, sleeping. These are called 'pajamas'. Most pajamas seem to be made of light cloth and are more or less pants and a shirt of some kind. Some humans forgo this, using underwear.

Underwear alone is interesting enough. To begin with they are worn under the other garments, hence the name underwear. What underwear you put on is based upon gender.

Males wear 'briefs' or 'boxers'. Briefs are tighter fitting, sometimes called 'tighty-whities', and covers the buttocks to the waist. There is a flap in the front, apparently so they can fish their penis out to make it easier to urinate. I thought they were there to make mating easier at first.

Boxers are looser fitting and cover down to the thighs, roughly midway, depending on make and fit. Like the briefs they also have flaps in the front.

Females wear bra and panties. The bra is for the breasts. The breasts are a sign of fertility, and thus sexual arousal, so most women like to cover them. Also for women who's breasts are larger they help avoid them bouncing around too much as they move. My understanding is breast sizes have been increasing in human females over the past couple generations, based on the odd study I found.

Panties are like briefs minus the flap. They also come in various sizes ranging from ones that cover the entire buttocks to ones that cover the vagina, anus and almost nothing else. These are called 'thongs' it seems with a strap going between the cheeks of the buttocks. I do have two from Kyle's Aunt's drawer and they fit... snugly.

I can't explain the sensation. It's not unpleasant and you do get used to it.

Underwear, particularly the female pair of bra and panties, are often considered to be erotic. Some, mostly the thongs, are worn to help get mates aroused for sex.

As an add on to the culture content of the last letter, humans are oddly obsessed with sex. I am not sure if it's because of or in spite of their nudity taboos.

Women also have other garments to wear to help crate arousal with their underwear. The phrase for this is apparently 'lingerie'.

After underwear is on the clothing picked depends on what the human is doing. Uniforms are obvious, they tell you what that person's job is. Formal outfits are similarity to our own, with differences. Men wear tuxedos or dress uniforms while women wear dresses, however most of the dresses we would consider normal (Such as what my friends and I wore at the Grand Galloping Gala) would be considered garish. They seem to prefer a 'less is more' approach, with one or two color dresses and a lack of patterns. Cut and style are still important, but they are not as fancy as what we would wear.

There are also outfits used to impress the opposite sex, either with expensive designer clothing to show off wealth or clothing that exposes the skin to show off the body. Some women pick outfits to show off 'cleavage', which seems to be the space between the breasts. I'm not sure if it's the space when the breasts are apart or pushed together or both. This, again, leads to a strange phenomena were a human female dressed in very little clothing is considered to be 'promiscuous' because she prefers less clothing over more.

On the opposite side women who cover up too much are considered too 'stiff' or 'uptight'. I'm starting to think due to the fact that males were traditionally in power that females were oppressed for sometime, with lingering aftereffects on the mental state of human society. It's not unlike our own in reverse. Due to the higher ratio of mares, and yourself as our sovereign, oppression of males was common in Equestria and some of those aftereffects still linger. I recall sometime ago that a pegasus mare that visited, Speed Wing, once referred to a stallion, Big Macintosh, as best being 'left to plow fields, and then plow my fields'.

Applejack was quite upset over the rather... inappropriate remarks she made and went to confront her. She took flight.

Rainbow Dash proved to be both faster and stronger and dragged her back for her tongue lashing. And the only reason it was verbal because I held her back.

Have you ever lifted an Ursa Major? Holding back an enraged Applejack is about as hard.

Regardless, back to the subject as hoof (Or at hand as humans would say).

When humans don't have a job to do, a mate to find or such things they indulge in 'casual' clothing. This is clothing that human will lounge around in, go to the store, do some unimportant task or just pal around with friends in. The most common combination I can find are jeans and t-shirts. Jeans, for humans anyway, aren't just work clothes, they've become normal clothes everyone wears. T-shirts are short sleeved shirts that bare most of the arms of the person wearing them. They come in every patten and color and, oddly, a lot have pictures or slogans written on them. While shirts with pictures aren't unknown to us (Rainbow Dash has five Wonderbolt shirts. That I know of.) humans have far, far more. A look through Kyle's wardrobe shows off a few. Slogans like 'You Can't Fix STUPID' or something about AC-DC (Why humans would devote t-shirts to electrical current, I don't know.), to an image of an overgrown lawn with the phrase 'I fought the lawn and lawn won'.

In addition humans change clothing depending on the seasons. Lighter clothing, like shorts and the t-shirts come out in spring and summer. In the autumn longer shirts and pants are the norm, and in winter they wear much thicker clothing. This also applies to jackets; lighter ones in the summer, waterproof ones for rainy days and thicker ones for when it's cold and snowy out (Or just cold).

For the feet humans wear shoes or boots. Unlike our own they cover up to the ankle or higher. Some forms, like flip flops, only cover the soles. High heels (Think high hoof slippers, but with more lift) are popular among women for formal occasions and when seeking mates (Something about making the legs and flank look good), but they seem awkward to wear. I'm having a hard enough time being bipedal, I don't think I can handle my heels being four inches higher than my toes.

Humans also have body armor; unsurprising given their history as warriors. In ancient times, much like Griffons, it was leather then metal. One difference is humans created 'chainmail', which was a shirt made of small links of chain. While ineffective at stopping blunt impacts or piercing attacks like plates armor could, they were much better at stopping slashing weapons and were much lighter. Today plate armor is obsolete. Humans have weapons called guns. A basic gun can send a small projectile at speeds beyond sound. The force is much like what happens when a blacksmith strikes a solid steel nail into a plate. By that I mean a big, heavy swing, not a little 'pound out the dents' swing. Armor has evolved in the form of Kevlar, a layered material which can absorb the force of the impact, although it still supposed to still hurt the wearer.

Leather is still used as 'armor', but for bikers who ride fast on what I can best call motorized scooters. It's... another thing I'll need to explain another time.

There is also groups of humans called 'nudists' who forgo clothes. Due to laws enforcing decency (In other words, wearing clothing) they tend to forgo clothes on private property and in 'nudist colonies'. Most non-nudist seem to view this as weird or simply absurd, while others think they're actively sinning. One person left a message on an internet forum expressing the opinion that all nudist are sexual deviants and are teaching their children immoral things. It should be noted these nudists tend to stay towards warmer climates; I don't think any of them would stay naked in a snowstorm.

While that's all I have on the subject for now, I wanted to add a personal note here.

I really am missing everypony. Kyle is helping me cope, don't worry about that but I do miss my friends. I miss Ponyvillie. And I miss you.

I am eager to see you again.

Signed your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

“I'm home!” Kyle called out as he walked back in, kicking his shoes off. Sighing he walked over to the couch and sat down before stretching out. Twilight came out from the hall a moment later, now in jeans and a black, button up t-shirt.

“Welcome home. How was work?” She asked, moving over to sit on the chair to his right.

“Eh, work.” Kyle replied, shrugging. “Walter's a joy to have in, new client had me work on her and her daughter, little young for massages if you ask me but whatever. Then Miss Richards.”

“Is she difficult?” Twilight asked, leaning on the armrest. She knew the Spa Sisters had the odd grumpy customer.

“Not really, she just loves to tease and flirt with anything younger than thirty and male.” Kyle shrugged. “She's okay, but way too much sometimes, you know?”

“I think I get you.” Twilight replied, nodding as Kyle grabbed the TV remote.

She settled in to watch with him.

The first thing that came on was a commercial for a restaurant, talking about an item of food.

A&W and it's mama burger.

Beef.

Cow.

Meat.

Notes: Yes we are FINALLY getting to meat next chapter. You are welcome.

Chapter IV: And I Look Good On The Barbecue

Chapter IV: And I Look Good On The Barbecue

Okay. Let's see if I can get this one out a little faster...

Also, a shout out to GeodesicDragon. Read To Learn is Human. I think Cheerilee with a human could be quite interesting and I hope to see more.

Now if anyone reading this hasn't read that or his 'To X is Human' series, you should.

“You know we need to get you a name. Human name, I mean.” Kyle said as he watched the road, Twilight nodding beside him.

“I know. But my name is who I am.” Twilight replied. The two were taking his Aunt's (Now his) white van back home. He was running an errand for his boss; dropping off a couple boxes of books to a friend of hers who lived out of town. He had asked Twilight to come along with him mostly to get her out of the house. While he was still wary of letting her loose in public he felt a change of scenery would do her nice.

And with open fields on one side and British Columbia's rich forest on the other it seems it's done her some good. She'd point at the deer that would walk along the ditch or the eagles soaring above them. He did his best to answer her questions about the local fauna and flora, but neither was his strong suit. This was the first time on the trip she wasn't looking out the window.

“Relax. I got it covered, Twila.” Kyle smiled, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

“Twila?” Replied as Kyle nodded, looking back at him confused.

“You can spell it with a 'y' or an 'i'. Looked it up online last night. English origin and it means, no duh, twilight.” Kyle said, smiling back. “So if you call yourself Twila Sparkle you won't be lying and you won't stand out. … Unless someone wants to ask you about the Twilight book series.”

“Read it. I mean I compared it to normal Vampire mythology.” 'Twila' replied, tapping her chin. “I mean why couldn't the author just say they weren't vampires? Just some other made up creature. Or gave them at least some classical weakness like, I don't know, silver? Garlic?” Sighing she shook her head, looking back out the window. “And I honestly don't know why she would fall in love with a... Well...”

“Sparkly creature?”

“I was going to say stalker...” Shaking her head, Twilight smiled before spotting something. “Whoa, stop! Stop the van!” She called out. Looking over Kyle saw her look, not panicked more curious. Slowing the van he pulled onto the side of the road.

“What's wrong?” He asked as Twilight undid her seat belt, rushing out towards a barbed wire fence. Exiting the van himself he walked out after her.

On the field, gathered near the fence was a herd of cattle, the farm animals munching on the grass idly. Twilight stopped at a fence post, holding onto it as she called out. “Excuse me. Do any of you talk?”

It took ten seconds for a moo to be heard. None of the creatures even looked at her. “Twilight? What are you doing?” Kyle asked as he finally caught up to her. His understanding was that in her world of Equestria the cows did talk.

That would make for some... interesting conversations if he ever met one.

“Come on...” Twilight pleaded, her voice cracking slightly. The cows offer no reply as she stepped back, her fingernails glowing as she brought up her hands.

“Twilight!?” Kyle exclaimed as she thrust her hands at the cows which glowed for a quick moment. After awhile a cow lifted it's head.

“Grass... Tasty.”

“No....” Twilight let off as another cow repeated the sentiment. Her head slumped down, shoulders sagging. Kyle came over to her, setting a hand on her shoulder.

“Twilight... What's wrong?”

“I... I just... I thought...” She let out before swallowing. Her body shook a moment before she shouted out five simple words. “I want to go home!”

“Oh, Twi...” Kyle said, puller her to him. Her face buried into her chest as she sobbed hard, hands gripping his shirt, tears flowing.

The cows paid them no mind. “Grass... Green.”

After getting Twilight to undo the 'Cows Talk' spell they drove off the highway onto a dirt road. Kyle remembered it fairly well, it lead to a path people went down to hunt deer. Before that it had been a logging road. He had parked just off to one side so any traffic coming could get around before asking Twilight to join him in the backseat.

The last girl he had in the backseat was his ex-girlfriend. A lot of heavy petting went on there once but no sex.

That was... in the past.

“Okay Twi. What's wrong?” Kyle asked softly, wrapping an arm about her shoulders. Since they left the cows she had her head hung low, racked by the odd sob. He didn't know why the cows set this off exactly but all he knew was that couldn't have been the reason for the breakdown.

Maybe the straw that broke the camel's back though.

“Sorry, I'm... It's just...”

“Don't be sorry.” Kyle said, squeezing her shoulder gently. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You are a stranger in a strange land. I'm not blaming you for being scared or sad over this. In the opposite situation I'd be freaking, I'm sure. I'm here for you, you know that.” He spoke in the most soothing tone he could.

“I know, and thank you...” Twilight replied, swallowing before looking up at the van's ceiling. “I guess it just... Hit me. I mean, I knew everything here was different but I just... Wrote it off. Nopony controlling the weather? It's like the planet is the Everfree Forest. TVs and computers? Just... technology Ponies can come up with someday when we advance further. But... cows not... talking... It's scary for me. It just makes me think... Can I... Can I really get home? Because... If I can't... Oh heavens, all my friends must be so worried for me now and--”

“That's enough, Twilight.” Kyle said firmly. “You know you can do it.” He reached down with his free hand, grabbing her own and giving it a long squeeze. “You got here. You can get back. I know it won't be easy for you, but you can do it. You. Can. Do. It.”

“...Thanks...” Twilight sniffed slightly, rubbing at her eyes with a forearm before looking up at him. Her eyes were slightly red, but there was a soft smile on her face. “I... Just, I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have you. Thank you.” Reaching over she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug he returned quickly. “Thank you.”

“Felling better now?”

“Much. … Kyle... There's something I know will seem odd, but I want to try it.”

“What is it?”

Taking in a deep breath she looked down at it as it sat on the kitchen table as if to challenge the thing to mortal combat.

It had no eyes, so was unable to stare back.

Two buns topped with sesame seeds. Between them lay onion, pickles, ketchup, mustard, a sauce of some sort and a patty.

Made of beef.

Cow.

Stupid, unthinking cow.

“You eat it. Not the other way around.” Kyle said as he sat down across from her at the kitchen table.

On the way home she asked to get a hamburger, just to try it. After all she was an omnivore at the moment. Eating meat was... just part of life.

Still the thought of eating something that was alive...

Well... She ate fish once. That was alive.

If you want to be technical, the vegetables she ate lived once.

In a way all living things ate living things. So what was different about this?

Aside from the fact it was meat.

“You don't need to force it, Twilight.” Kyle said, leaning his forearms on the table. “I know it's different but--”

“I know, Kyle. But I can smell it. It smells good. To a human nose this smells delicious.” Twilight explained as she picked up the hamburger in her hands. An A&W Mama Burger. “Besides, I want to experience being a human, right? Well... This is part of that. And... well... here we go.” She opened her mouth wide and lifted the burger to it. Once insider her waiting orifice she hesitated. She looked nervous and Kyle was about to speak before her mouth shut, shearing bread, vegetable and meat. The chewing started.

To Twilight it had been as if Pinkie Pie had set off fireworks in her mouth followed by a party cannon full of tasty. The chewing became more vigorous as her eyes lit up, a smile coming to her lips.

Kyle blinked as he watched the girl before him enjoy her first taste of meat. “I have created a monster....”

Dear Princess Celestia

As I mentioned earlier, ponies on Earth are animals, much like pigs and chickens back home. The same holds true for cows, deer and other such species on our own world capable of speech, higher thought processes and reason. As much as I hate to say it one of the most popular human foods is beef or cow meat.

I had seen Earth cows earlier. Even after I used a spell to let them talk none could form a sentence. They could only string two words together. It was a kick in the gut for me to realize just how different our two worlds are on a fundamental level. It's frightening almost.

Despite how much we look alike, we are so different from the ponies here. These ponies have smaller eyes that are further apart and a large muzzle. They are a little taller, but not as much as horses. The biggest differences are in colors. Ponies here come in browns, blondes, whites and blacks, maybe a few others, but no blues or bright yellows and oranges. No reds, beyond muted hues. No greens or purples. So alike, but so very different.

Which is probably why humans don't really feel bad about eating them. Cows at least. Horses and ponies, in this part of the world, seem to be off the menu from a history of companionship with humans, like farm dogs. To a human eating a horse is something you do not do save in an absolute act of desperation. And as Kyle pointed out, if the situation is so bad you have to eat your horse then food is the least of your worries.

But I digress. I've done something very human, and very un-pony. I have consumed meat.

I believe I mentioned already that protein is a necessary part of a human's diet and mostly this comes from meat. I remember how you once said that if you could be a griffon for a day you would eat meals of meat for that day. I remember being horrified at the thought, it wasn't long after I began studying under you after all so I was a silly filly. Then you explained that such a thing is not evil, merely something different, something ponies should learn to tolerate not because we want to keep the peace, but we need to understand other beings. Wolves hunt, bears hunt and manticores hunt and none of them are evil. Why would griffons be different?

So I asked why you would eat meat? Remember what you said? “To know. To understand. To accept.”

I put it off for awhile, but now I know. I understand. And I accept. But I will warn you Your Highness, meat is very delicious to the human tongue.

I can't explain the taste really. It's like roasted daffodils but less sweet with a hint of something I can't really put into words. In fact I can't explain the taste of meat beyond that; I have nothing to reference it to. If you took a pony who had lived without eating an apple once before giving one to her and asking what she would compare it to, could she?

According to Kyle a bit of a joke in trying something new or exotic is to declare that it 'tastes like chicken'. For supper we had chicken.

If I find anything else that does taste like chicken I'll bring it up.

The most common sources of meat here come from cows (And I really still wonder sometimes if the cows will suddenly evolve the ability to talk tomorrow), pigs and chicken. Other animals include lamb, turkey (Particularly around the holidays), buffalo (Again, they are just animals here), rabbits (Fluttershy would faint) and deer (Same as cows).

There does seem to be some humans that decry eating meat, mostly centered around two groups; PETA and the ALF. I don't know much about either group, but Kyle doesn't seem fond of either one.

That will be all for now. I am very scared as I write this that I might not be able to get home, but I will do my best. If you get this then you know I am on my way.

I miss you. I miss everypony.

Signed Your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

Sighing she set the newest letter in the folder before looking down at the trunks Kyle let her use. It was only the first step and she needed more things to make it work. Summoner's salt for enhancements which, unsurprisingly, did not exist here, but with her own magic and coarse salt she could make it easily enough. Gemstones to focus the enchantments, which would be harder as they were far rarer here than in Equestria where even an idiot could find some if they dug around long enough. Applejack even passed a few gems she pulled out of her farm to Rarity and the farm was not even close to a hotspot for gems. The other issue was she needed two stones big enough to focus the magic needed for the spell to work. Alicorn was a possible replacement as was jade, obsidian and moonstone but the first was rare in Equestria and fictional on Earth.

Oddly, on Earth alicorn was what mythology said a unicorn's horn was made of. It was, in fact, a reinforced bone with magic manipulating nerves in it and colored to match the skin. Alicorn, in Equestria, was an old word in a pre-unification dialect meaning 'Perfect Spell' originally given to minerals the unicorn tribes mined in those days that were charged with natural, wild magic. Unicorn, by contrast, meant 'Rising' or 'Learning Spell'.

Still, even if she stumbled over alicorn on Earth she'd have to spend at least three weeks of her time removing it's magic before she could add her own. Still, if you were willing to take the time nothing held a spell like alicorn.

Her only option left was, well, quartz but on Equestria it was very rare to find anything sizable. What was the chances of finding a big enough piece on Earth, let alone two?

“Ugh, I need a break.” She let off, standing up and walking out of the room. Her travels lead her to the kitchen and the fridge. Opening it she looked about and pulled out something from a package.

A pepperoni stick. Looking it over she bit into it. Eyes widened and a smile came to her.

That was the beginnings of a good break...

And that's a chapter. For the record I don't have a definitive subject for the next letter, but I'm pondering between television, computers, holidays and war (What is it good for!?).

...Why do I think that admitting to that will end up with me bombarded by suggestions?

Also, the chapter name is a reference to the Arrogant Worms song, I Am Cow.

Chapter V: The Internet Is For Ponies

Again I say, thank you for all the reviews. I hope to deliver more good stuff to all of you, so let us begin.

Also, shout out to Demon Eyes Laharl and his fic Gentlemen For Mares. It might be clop, but it's damned interesting sex or not.

All fell to the swarm.

The hive was life. Let the might of the swarm and the overmind wash over the puny Terrans! Let not bullets or machines or weapons stop the quest!

Purge!

Destroy!

Consume!

Expand the creep, for it is life!

Expand the hive, for it is glorious!

And as the master watched his minions consume his foes he let off one last sickening taunt.

“Lern too play gam you loosser!”

Twilight’s eye twitched at the words on the screen as her Terran faction lost it's online match to 'KrnSwarmKing89' and his Zerg. Finally she issued her own rebuttal.

“Learn to spell.”

“It's a game.” Kyle said as he watched Twilight pout on the couch, knees pulled into her chest.

He was somewhat thankful she was wearing a skirt while doing this as it exposed a pleasant view of her pink panties.

He also wished she'd stop flashing him her pink panties as it was somewhat awkward.

“The guy was a total jerk. I mean, sure, I'm new to Starcraft but, really, did he need to--”

“Twi.” Kyle said, cutting her off as he raised a palm, moving to sit down in the chair. “Most of the guys playing it are good people, but some tend to... Use the anonymity of the internet to be worse people than they really are. Add to that the facts that games like Starcraft tend to have a few elitist around, and, well...”

“I get it...” Twilight groaned. “It was like at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Chess was a big pass time and the better players tended to... flaunt their skills. One time I got challenged and lost to one of the better players in the school, Fortress. She really beat me hard in that game. Rubbed my face in it for about a week.”

“So, what did you do?” Kyle asked, leaning on the armrest as he listened.

“Well, I went to the library, borrowed a number of books on chess, read up on it and challenged her a couple weeks later. She had been flaunting that she beat Celestia's personal protege and more than a few other faces she beat. She smirked as we started the game but after not to long I got her. Used a rook to checkmate her king trapped behind her pawns. She had a breakdown.” Twilight said, shaking her head. “Then again, her cutie mark was a rook chess piece, but still....”

“Ouch. Still, can't say she didn't have it coming.” Kyle replied. “Anyway, why don't you play the single player? Maybe it'll flesh out your skills a bit.” He said before heading to the kitchen. “Tacos for supper!”

“Okay!” Twilight replied, getting up and going back to the computer. As soon as she sat down a thought hit her. “What's a taco?”

“I really can't believe what kind of video games you have here.” Twilight said, herself and Kyle sitting at the kitchen as she put shredded cheese over her taco meat. “I mean we also have them, but what we have is closer to your, I think you called it the '8-bit era'?” She offered, frowning in thought as she dropped diced tomato onto it next.

“From what you told me of Equestria I wouldn't think you'd have the concept of video games to start with.” Kyle replied, taking a bite into his own. Once the bite was chewed and swallowed he continued. “I mean you guys don't have cars, computers or radios, but you have video games?”

“Yeah, I'm not sure how they're made either. It requires specialized magical abilities though, no computers.” Twilight admitted before picking up her own taco, taking a bite into it. She made a pleased groan as she started to chew the offering.

“Maybe when you get back you can give them concepts to fill in the gaps.” Kyle said, chuckling softly at her reaction to biting into the taco.

“Yeah, I know.” Twilight said, before taking her next bite. She idly wondered how that computer came to be.

Now that had the makings of a new letter.

x---x

Dear Princess Celestia

One of the biggest differences between Equestria and Earth is the level of technology. One of humanities most prominent and influential inventions is the computer. It's somewhat hard for me to just say what a computer is, there's no true analog in our own society. However it could be considered a distant descendent of your sister's invention; the abacus.

The abacus was a simple apparatus made for counting and was the best assistance humans had until a man called Charles Babbage created a mechanical device that was designed to count numbers once imputed. One could refer to it as the first calculator, another human invention designed to solve math problems.

From there the first computers came into shape around the time of the Second World War. It filled up a room and was used to break enemy codes. I really need to focus on that war sometime.

Like most war invented technology the peace time benefits eventually came. Around forty years ago the first home computers began showing up for purchase. These early systems where used for video games (Much like our arcade games) word documents, math problems and storing information. As time went on the computer became more and more evolved. They could store more information, generate better graphics and sound and gained more uses such as assisting with art and design.

Around 20 years ago one of the most revolutionary pieces of technology became available to the general populous; The Internet. The Internet is used to connect computers, but not in the same room of a single house. A computer on one side of the world can receive and give information to and from one on the other side of the world.

The best way to sum it up how fast this can be is to reference Spike's dragon flame. Using it Spike can send a letter to yourself, or anyone with a significant magical signature, nearly instantly. The Internet would be like everypony having the ability to use dragon flame to send a letter to anypony else, regardless of where they may be. However as time went on more and more information could be sent at a time. Moving pictures called 'movies' and entire libraries worth of books could be sent over the Internet from one computer to another. You can also use chat rooms to talk to people half a world away. At first these chats only used text, but now they can send images and sounds. Two humans can look and speak to each other, no matter how far away they are.

Humans also have online gaming. Yes, humans can play games over the Internet as well. In fact there is a subset of online games called the Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game or MMORPG. These are imagined worlds that humans, using avatars, can interact with creating warriors and heroes to play as, playing with and against each other. In fact the largest and most well known, World of Warcraft, boasts over ten million players. People can make friends with people from so far away, it's almost unreal.

Recently I've been playing a game called Starcraft, and played online against other humans. It's been... interesting. Starcraft puts you in the role of an unseen general directing the forces of the human based Terrans, the alien warriors Protoss and the insectoid Zerg. Each side has unique units and buildings to use and employ different strategies. It's simple enough to start playing, but as I've found out it is very complex and requires forethought, adaptability and knowledge of all units in the game.

Other games I've seen so far include first person war games, fighting games pitting two characters against each other in a one on one fight, simulation games that makes you build cities or farms and platformers not unlike The Mighty Momo Sisters.

Oddly the game Super Mario Brothers bears an uncanny resemblance to that game.

In fact the video game industry on Earth eclipses the games on Equestria in terms of sales, graphics, sounds and even complexity. Opposable thumbs and multiple fingers makes it a lot easier to use controllers with ten or more buttons. And handling tools and objects, more so than hooves and mouths.

Currently I plan on practicing Starcraft in between bouts of working out the details on how to get home. I've hit a roadblock, but I'm sure I'll overcome it again.

I am coming home. I will see everypony again.

Signed Your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

“Twi, word before bed?” Kyle asked as he knocked on the door to his Aunt's old room, now Twilight's.

“It's open.” Twilight called out, as Kyle opened the door. He could see her in the corner, Starcraft playing on the monitor of the computer as Terrans and Zerg warred.

“Anyway, I'm off Saturday, you remember, right?” He began, moving to sit on the bed.

“Right, it'll be a lot of fun I bet!” Twilight said, pausing the game as she turned to face him, smiling. “What do you wanna do? We can play board games, or video games, or, oohh! Oohh, oohh! Read history books!” She let off, clapping her hands together as Kyle shook his head.

“Actually... I was thinking of taking you out and showing the town to you.” He replied.

Twilight's eyes went wide as she gulped softly. She knew it would come at some point, just not so soon.

To see human civilization, first hoof.

…

Err, first hand.

I Do apologize for the long wait. Among other things I had an issue with a Vista Stage Update 3 Loop. That's been fixed, but I'm still upgrading to Windows 7 soon.

Yes, with Windows 8 coming out I'm upgrading to Windows 7. I'm only slightly behind the times.

Oh yes, and to everyone and everypony, HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Chapter VII: With All Its Glory And All Its Horror

Hey again everyone, shout out to Raleigh and his fic: Blueblood: Hero of Equestria.

No, wait...

BLUEBLOOD:
HERO OF EQUESTRIA!!!

Ahem.

“Twi, I'm home!” Kyle called out, stepping into his house. He rolled a shoulder, sighing deeply. It had been a hell of a day. He found himself with a customer asking for service without any forewarning. The woman was polite enough, but she was a body builder.

Ye gads, she looked like a female Arnold Schwarzenegger. Built like a curved brick and about as firm. He had to really put all of his effort into that massage.

It took a moment but he noticed that Twilight didn't answer his hail. Frowning he checked the living room and basement quickly before going to his aunt's old office. “Twi?” He called out, seeing her before the computer.

She didn't answer.

He walked up to her, looking at the screen.

The photo was black and white, with countless people in it, all thin, malnourished and all dead. Bodies were stacked out on the ground in a manner similar to cord-wood. Every body was nude, stripped of all clothing and dignity.

A picture of the one of, if not the, single worst atrocity ever committed by man unto man.

The Holocaust.

He came up beside the unicorn turned human and looked at her face. He expected disgust, a sickened face about to throw up or even rage.

He found her in shock. Slack jawed and eyes wide open, unblinking with tears leaking from the corners of both her beautiful orbs. They dripped onto her lap, the wet spots in her jeans showing she had been crying silently for sometime. He reached out, setting a hand upon her shoulder and only then did she turn to look at him.

Nothing was said, even as she was pulled from her seat to his arms and into a firm hug. He rubbed her back soothingly, whispering into her ear.

Only then did the sobbing begin.

“The horror...” Twilight said, sitting at the kitchen table. Kyle looked at her with a bit of sadness; human beings found the Holocaust to be horrific, terrible and the lowest point in human history. It was hard not to feel shame for his own race. Even if the Nazis had been the most notable users of genocide, they weren't the only ones. He didn't care to know of any other genocides people had committed.

“The Holocaust isn't an easy subject. For anyone.” Kyle began, rubbing her back with one hand. “Look, humans are great. We have lots of good, incredible people. Albert Einstein. Gandhi. Pierre Trudeau. The Wright Brothers. George Washington. But we also have tyrants and monsters. And some do... Well... I'm sure your world hasn't anything like it, but--”

“We do...” She said softly, taking a sip of her tea; he had made her a fresh pot to help calm her nerves but her hands still had a bit of shake in them. “N-not ponies, griffons. B-before the rise of the Steelclaw Dynasty and the Griffon Imperium there were three main clans. The Snowcaps in the north, who usually had a very pale yellow color of fur, the Steelclaws in the middle mountain regions in the center of their continent and the Skyweaver clan in the forested southern areas, both of whom had the more typical brown coats. About eight hundred years ago the Steelclaws launched a massive attack on the Snowcaps. It became known as... … As the Blood River War. The Snowcaps were utterly decimated. King Hannibal Steelclaw, often called the Gore Howl, ordered all the Snowcaps... killed.”

“Twilight...” Kyle let off, rubbing her back firmer as she took another long sip, sniffling a bit.

“I-I've only read about it. Most ponies don't know anything about the Blood River War. Or the Ten Clan Wars. Or the Unification War, or later Iron Revolt. They don't know that maybe ninety percent of all the Snowcaps were believed to be killed. That their tails, wings and heads were amputated. In that order. Still alive. The few remaining Snowcaps fled. To the minor clans, to the Skyweavers, to Equestria, to anywhere. Of the few that didn't get to Equestria, most were killed in the later wars. I knew despite the differences humans and griffons had a lot in common, military wise, but this?”

“Nazi Germany.” Kyle said, sighing as he sat down next to her. “When Adolf Hitler took command he blamed everything he could on the Jews. Germany's defeat in World War One? Jews sabotaged them, clearly. Economic down-term? Jews did it. Shortage of food? Blame the Jews. Stubbed your toe on the sidewalk? Blame a Jew!”

“But still...”

“I'm not justifying them, but you need to understand...” Kyle carried on, sighing. “Germany was a wreck after the First World War and the people wanted a scapegoat. They wanted to be told they weren't at fault for losing. And they wanted a hero, a figure to rally behind, to make them feel proud to be German. Hitler gave them that. He gave them a scapegoat, an excuse and a figure to rally behind. It's just not many people at the time realized out outright fucking insane the man really was. Remember what I said once, about a few jerks stirring up something and getting everyone into something that's wrong, even when they should know better?”

“Hitler's the jerk...”

“And the German people should have known better. But they got caught up in, well, Hitler-Mania more or less. Hitler was a great manipulator, and that's what he did. He manipulated. But you need to remember something more important that what Hitler did.”

“What?”

“That he was stopped. People stood up. Other countries fought him. Conquered nations hindered him. There were dozens of attempts to kill him. We wound up with Hitler... But we also stopped him.”

x---x

Dear Princess Celestia

Recently I have discovered pictures of what humans call 'The Holocaust'. It is disturbingly similar to what most books of the Blood River War say happened to the Snowcap Clan. Afterward I decided to look more into the event as well as the war during which it took place, World War Two.

I am including printed out Wikipedia articles of both the First and Second World Wars, and I plan to forward books detailing both wars when I can. For now, I'll give a brief overview.

But before I can touch on the Second War I have to explain the First, as it set the events in motion that allowed for the Second.

In the early nineteen hundreds, over a hundred years ago, the continent of Europe was more or less a room full of powder kegs. Treaties were made in the aftermath of previous wars, outlining who was allied to who and who would come in defense of who in case of an attack. Resentment stirred between nations, a desire to expand boarders and a general dislike for neighboring countries. On the other hand no one want to actually be the one to, well, throw the first spear as it were. Everyone was spoiling for war, but no one wanted to be seen as the aggressor or instigator.

And then came the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austrian-Hungary Throne. It was the spark that set one country off to attack another. The interlocking set of treaties dragged the rest of Europe and, by default, all of those nations holdings into an all out war.

The fighting in the war was best described as a bar room brawl where for the most part people just stood still and hit each other. It's considered the first modern war, and no one had tactics appropriate for it. New rapid firing machine guns could fire hundreds of rounds a minute making infantry rushes suicidal, artillery often had minimal effect and the only thing that seemed to change was the ever rising death toll.

This is also the war in which three notable weapons were employed that would have grater effects in the Second War, the submarine, the tank and the airplane.

The airplane was a recent invention by this time, a small craft designed to fly. The planes used in this era were primitive and fragile, but were also a necessity. Humans cannot fly under their own power and while airships, called zeppelins mostly, were employed to bomb areas the plane was faster, more agile and able to scout ahead, taking pictures for the leaders back at their bases so they could observe the changes in the battle-lines. In turn shooting down these scout planes became a priority, but no one had any weapons to do so.

Eventually other planes were sent up to counter the scout planes, usually with someone firing a gun by hand. Soon after guns were fitted to the front of the plane, usable by the pilot creating what's called 'Fighter Planes'.

The tank, meanwhile, was a heavily armored, self-propelling chariot. It was designed in response to the inability of infantry to charge the lines and help break past defenses. The first were, well, tanks on treads. Picture a massive metal barrel, laid down with cannons on the sides and tracks. Eventually tanks would feature a turret atop of the tank which could rotate three hundred and sixty degrees to fire in all directions.

Lastly the submarine is a specialized boat that can travel under the water. They are armed with 'torpedoes', long cylindrical weapons that detonate on impact and are used to destroy ships. Due to the ability to traverse under the water and out of sight they were also used to recon the seas.

The war was mostly fought between the aforementioned Austrian-Hungarian forces and the Germans against the British and French, as well as the Russians. The American forces were uninvolved for most of the war, entering only nearing the closing of the war when a German submarine attacked one of their vessels. By that time the British/French forces and accompanying holdings were pushing the Austrian-Hungarian/German forces back. The Americans entering was just where it became hopeless for them.

It is important to note that while America remained out of the war through much of the fighting many of their citizens joined the war effort on behalf of Britain, traveling north to Canada (Part of the British Empire at the time) and enlisting there and they were sending supplies to the British.

The German Military did not surrender, instead asking the civilian government to do it for them. This would have repercussions later on.

I should note that I am glossing, and will continue to gloss, over a lot. The First World War lasted a full four years with over ten million military deaths and another seven million civilian. Events happened on and off, but as I said it all set the stage for the next war.

When the Treaty of Versaille was signed the victors took the opportunity to redraw the maps of Europe along ethnic lines, which sounded like a good idea at the time but would also have unforeseen effects after both World Wars. Austria, Hungary and Germany had their military forces heavily regulated to prevent another build up of forces and were expected to pay reparations to all the victorious Allies, in addition to being forbidden to form political unions.

There was some leeway with the Germans in how and when to pay however; unlike other countries during the war they did not raise taxes to pay for the war but instead printed more money (Humans favor using paper currency over gold coins.), which in turn devalued their currency. Some citizen even took to using it as wallpaper as it was devalued so much. This had left the German nation in a state of economic depression.

At the time the Germans were a proud people and they didn't want to admit that they had been bested in the war. Instead they laid the blame everywhere else; the civilian government for surrendering, the Communist (Yes, Humans have Communism too, yes it doesn't work that well for them either) for sabotaging the war effort, cowardly leadership and the Jews.

The Jews are a religious group/race that have been more or less abused and bullied for at least two thousand years, probably longer. No real group in Equestria stands out as a match for the Jews, although they were treated like Herd-less born ponies were until the reforms two hundred years ago. While they are a religious group they have also been treated as a race of their own. They were used as another convenient scapegoat for German pride.

The Great Depression, a massive world-wide economic downturn, followed which did not help the situation at all. Treaties were set up to regulate battleship numbers, but not for a new ship type called aircraft carriers which were designed to carry aircraft across the sea. As the plane, by this point, was still only useful for scouting and shooting down other planes they went unregulated. This would become important in the pacific theater of the next war.

Also in the aftermath came the League of Nations, a union of all the great powers of the day, save the United States of America who did not enter and Communist Russia who was refused entry. It was supposed to allow countries to solve issues with diplomacy and enforce peace. However it didn't do much in the Spanish Civil War that followed and more or less wagged a hoof/finger at Japan for invading China and the abuse the Chinese suffered in the Rape of Nanjing.

Most of the world ignored the Chinese-Japanese War, which came to be known as the China Incident. When the atrocities committed were reported there was some outcry, but little else. The rest of the world had a 'Not My Problem' approach to the situation.

During this time a former soldier by the name of Adolf Hitler began to rise to power in Germany's Nazi Political Party. He played to Germany's pride, promising sanctions on the Jews, a better future and more. The man's following became cult-like and he is, sadly, the Fevered Speech of humanity save in one way; he had no magic. He managed to pull Germany behind him with charisma, strength of will and conviction alone. And the Germans, looking for a hero and savior, lapped it all up. Had they been more aware of his plans, or his aims, they may have done something, but he said that the German 'Aryan' race was superior to all others, and could do anything. Again, the Germans were a proud people and he played to that pride.

Germany began to rebuild its forces and even took over nearby territories, most of them former holdings lost due to the Treaty of Versaille. No one stepped in, mostly due to two reasons; guilt over the harsh sanctions the Treaty of Versaille employed and fear of Communist Russia which was forming the Soviet Union. Many people saw a rearmed Germany as a good buffer between the Allied nations of Britain, France and others and what was perceived as the Communist threat.

And then Germany took over Poland. It was at this point that the Allies knew Hitler wasn't going to stop.

A rough eight month grace period occurred as both sides built up their forces, with France and Britain on one side, Germany and her ally Italy on the other. The Germans were outnumbered and outgunned but came up with a tactic that used the new technology of the day to it's fullest, the Blitzkrieg (Lightning War). Fast, powerful, mobile strikes to break through enemy lines, run rampant in the enemy's rear and destroy supply lines and troops from behind. Some of the German commanders thought it was crazy.

It turned out to be crazy enough to work.

The Germans forced the surrender of France, pushed the British across the channel back to their United Kingdom and conquered all of Europe save Switzerland.

The reason they didn't conquer Switzerland was three fold. One: The Swiss required all of it's of age men to train in the military as well as keep and maintain weapons. In a moments notice they could call upon their civilian population to rearm, become a militia under the armies command and join the fight. Two: Switzerland was a highly mountainous, rugged country with an assortment of places to ambush attacking forces and slaughter them. Three: The Swiss were famous for their neutrality, so the Germans knew they weren't going oppose them anyway and trying to conquer them would be more costly then it was worth.

Afterward most of their fighting took place in Africa between German forces and British forces, attempting to control vital fuel supplies and routes.

While all of this was going on Russia, under the Soviet Union banner, attacked Poland in concert with Germany (The two were allies at the time, although ones who didn't trust each other that much) and attacked Finland. The Soviets do defeat Finland and take much of their lands, but at a heavy cost. For every Fin killed in the Winter War three Soviets died. The appalling performance shocked the Russians rather badly.

Germany also launches airborne attacks at Britain during this time. By this point humans have developed a new type of plane, the bomber. Smaller, faster dive bombers for accurately hitting targets, like installations and ships, and heavier bombers that are inaccurate but drop massive amounts of ordnance onto an area, causing wide spread destruction. This period is known as the Battle of Britain, and it involved fighter planes dueling in the skies, shooting at other fighters and bombers while both sides tried to attack industrial sectors and military installations.

Germany originally began with attacking the Royal Air Force (RAF) of Britain until they sent their own bombers to strike German cities. Hitler then declared that they would drop even more bombs on British cities then Britain had dumped onto theirs, ignoring the RAF's airbases. This turned out to be a bit of a mistake; The RAF with pilots from the United Kingdom, a now independent Canada, escaped soldiers from conquered nations, as well as people from the British Commonwealth, fought in the skies against the German's air force, the Luftwaffe. The Germans were, at no small cost, pushed back.

Having failed to secure Britain by means of diplomacy, bombing or invasion Hitler turned his armies against Russia. Again, I state their alliance was uneasy and that Hitler did not like the Russians. The leader of the Soviet Union at this time was a man called Josef Stalin. If Hitler was the Fevered Speech of Humanity then Stalin was the Gore Howl of Humanity and which of the two were worse is debatable.

Regardless, conquering Russia was feasible for the Germans, if difficult. All it required was their battle hardened and seasoned veterans, the training to fight in cold weather conditions, the equipment to fight in those same conditions, maintain supply lines, gaining the support of Russia's oppressed and suppressed people (And as I said, Stalin was much like Emperor Hannibal Steelclaw in this manner, as well as Emperor Imperious Steelclaw) and commanders with proper tactics and strategies.

The initial invasion went very well for the Germans and their Axis allies. Stalin had expected Hitler to betray him, just not so soon. However of the above laid out, Hitler never planned to pull the Russians, or it's oppressed Soviet States, to his side; he had planned to displace or kill them so Aryan settlers could take the land. However the push into Russia arguably goes too well; survivors of crushed Soviet forces escape from the attacking Axis forces and they can never surround or round them up. As they go further east into Russia their supply lines become more and more vulnerable to the survivors, forcing the Axis to divert manpower to bring them under control. The Soviets manage to get a large military force created, however size is all they had; their soldiers and officers had no experience, the bare minimum of training, improper or absent equipment and not enough guns to supply to their men.

However the Soviets do slow down and halt the German advance in time for winter to arrive, and the Germans and their allies had not received the proper gear for the intense cold of the region. While the Germans would be pushed back somewhat they still controlled a sizable potion of the Soviet Union's holdings. More to the point the failure to take Russia's capital of Moscow causes Hitler to distrust his generals and enter himself into the command of the German military.

Historians seem to wave off how good a politician Hitler was. At the very least he was a capable leader, able to inspire his people and get them behind him. True, he got them behind him under the banner of glory, conquest and aggression and led them towards insanity and evil, but he got them behind him. He was a great politician in this regard.

As a military commander Hitler was much like a newborn foal with Rainbow Dash's ego trying to play a 'grown up' game of chess against Princess Luna.

Or to put it in the most blunt, simple and plain way ponly possible; Adolf Hitler was a bucking horrible military commander.

The German Panzer and Tiger tanks while possibly the best on the field for most of the war were intricate and expensive to make, meaning they could not be made in larger numbers. On top of that he had an obsession with big weapons and tanks. Simply put, when he saw the King Tiger Tank, the largest tank in his military he said it needed to be 'bigger'. So his people came up with the Maus (Mouse, ironically) Tank which never saw service and was so huge that it was impractical.

The war wages on for sometime with the Germans pushing back into Russia and attacking Moscow. Eventually, partly due to Hitler's blundering, the Axis forces are surrounded and defeated. While this doesn't push German forces fully out from Russia, it does stall them as well as gives the Soviets vital 'lessons learned', even if it was from the hardest way possible.

And mind, all of this was happening in the European/African front. The Pacific Front had it's own combat going on throughout this time.

Japan had invaded China and while China had more manpower to bear they lacked the discipline, experience and equipment of the Japanese. On top of that the parts of China Japan didn't control were splintered, unable to pull together to form a united front and couldn't effectively fight back. The United States, growing concerned over the ever expanding Japanese Empire places steel and oil embargoes on the Japanese. As the US was the main supplier of both to Japan this gives them a problem; they are too proud to be seen as backing down from the Americans, but don't have the strength to conquer them. In addition they thought that US business interests would bring the States to fight them, and they thought America would look for an excuse to intervene upon Britain's behalf for taking their holdings. (In fact they were wrong on both parts. While Franklin Roosevelt, President of America, wanted to fight the Japanese his public was very anti-war and wouldn't let him.)

The Japanese, however, thought they wouldn't need to back down and give in or invade. At this point the Americans still recalled the losses they suffered in the First World War (Light compared to the other participants, mostly thanks to their late involvement) and their previous Civil War. The Japanese Leadership thought the Americans would not and could not stomach a prolonged war and would sue for peace after giving the US a good buck to the face and a bloody nose.

The task was given to Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto who knew better than his peers what Americans were like (He had studied in America for a time) and was very wary of what would happen if the US put it's full industrial might, still 'asleep' from the Great Depression, into the business of War. His superiors told him to just get on with it. His plan was a strike on the naval base at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii, an island chain off the American coast. His plan was to sink the entire American Naval Fleet.

At the time a naval fleet consisted of destroyers; smaller warships used to picket aircraft and hunt submarines, cruisers; larger ships for ship-to-ship combat and shore bombardment, battleships; same as the cruisers but bigger and with bigger guns, and aircraft carriers, which had only anti-aircraft guns but could launch fighter planes and dive bombers in addition to torpedo launching planes.

Admiral Yamamoto launched his attack and did massive damage to the US Fleet. All of the battleships were sunk or damaged, cruisers and destroyers lost.

However a storm kept all of the American aircraft carriers away from the attack. Admiral Yamamoto knew that this bit of luck was against him. While it came from a movie, one quote sums up the man's thoughts after the Pearl Harbor attack.

“I fear we have awoken a sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve.”

The Americans, initially, believe they took more damage then they did. The waters were shallow enough to re-raise many ships for repair later on, and at the time it was thought battleships were the true capital ships of the day. Without them they were forced to rely on the aircraft carriers, with the USS (Untied States Ship) Enterprise as the flagship of the fleet. These ships proved to be more than capable of replacing battleships as the premier capital ships.

However the Japanese did deliver the bloody nose they wanted to the face of the United States of America.

The result did not make the country cower or back off however.

To be blunt once more, Your Highness, the anti-war Americans became very pissed off. War was declared by the United States upon the Empire of Japan.

And Hitler, in a fit of what could only be called power induced insanity decided since Japan was a part of the Axis forces that it would be a good idea to declare war on the States as well.

President Roosevelt, meanwhile, was more then happy for that as it meant he could openly involve his country in the European war effort like he wanted and had the public backing him.

To be fair, the Japanese seize nearly the entire Pacific Ocean and at the time looked to have a stranglehold on the area. However those aircraft carriers make a pain of themselves, ferrying medium range bombers near the Islands of Japan for a bombing run called the Doolittle Raid. Aptly named as it did little damage, at least to the cities and industries of Japan. However it spooks the Japanese as they had no idea where those bombers came from (The idea that those bombers, which were fairly large, could fit on a carrier wasn't considered) and made them nervous.

The US focuses mostly on the European/African Front (They wanted to go right after the German homeland, but the British got them to go to Africa first as it was less defended and the Americans deployed had little experience at warfare at this point.), but keeps fighting in the Pacific. The Japanese aims for a single, deceive battle in the meantime to destroy the US Fleet in the Pacific and to force the Americans to negotiate for peace.

However the Americans work out the Japanese communications code and are able to listen in on their movements. The result was the Battle of Midway where the Japanese attacked Midway Island to lure out the US Fleet and destroy it. The plan backfired; while they sunk one of the US Fleet's precious few aircraft carriers they lost four of their own when all was said and done.

What followed was the US and Japan fighting over small, normally unimportant islands to use as air and naval bases, hopping from island to island. The islands had nothing of real value save as bases.

The battle over one of these islands, Guadalcanal, was costly for both sides. The Americans took the island from the Japanese but supply lines were cut off, mostly by night-attacks. Both sides lost more ships, but at this point America may have been hit harder as during the fighting they were down to only one aircraft carrier, the USS Enterprise.

As it turns out it was all they needed, even if it was damaged for the last part of the fighting. The Enterprise would go on to be famous, 'the most revered and decorated ship of World War Two.' Even as better carriers came into the conflict, on both sides, the Enterprise was front and center, leading the charge.

It also highlighted Japan's main weakness; they could not replace their losses while America very much could, particularly when the giant that was the American industrial might shook off the grogginess, had it's cup of coffee and got to work. Not too long after the United States goes from one aircraft carrier to outnumbering Japan's carriers three to one.

The Germans, meanwhile, weren't faring much better. The Soviets, now getting their act together, started to push them back, bringing their own industrial might up to speed and pressing it's men into combat. While the war was not impossible to win at this point for the Germans their chances went from good to not-very-good and taking a turn towards poor. It was at this point Hitler directed what humans call 'The Holocaust.'

The Germans began to round up Jews, people of Jewish decent as well as gypsies (Traveling wanderers, not unlike bitsies), homosexuals (People interested in their own sex sexually/romantically like filly-foolers and colt-cuddlers) as well as other races and Russian prisoners of war. The Nazi's considered them a 'blight upon the superior Aryan peoples' and that they had to be... culled.

In the end there are no real account on how many people the Nazi's killed in this manner. Some estimates put it up to six million, perhaps even more. At least half of Germany's prewar Jewish population was killed.

It should be noted that it wasn't the German people committing the Holocaust, but their leaders in the Nazi party. For much of the war they would be unaware of what was going on; the victims of the Holocaust being brought to the death camps quietly and without fanfare to impose Hitler's 'Final Solution to the Jewish (And Gypsy, and Homosexual, and People Born With Disabilities, and Anyone Else That People in Power Disliked) Question.'

In addition to murdering millions of people the Holocaust had a drawback; namely directing resources away from the front lines, where they were needed. This was on top of Hitler demanding his people make super-weapons like giant cannons and bigger tanks. His people had also made a jet fighter plane (By this point in time most planes used propellers; jets were much faster) which were very successful, but had it adapted to a bomber which wasn't as effective. Again, Hitler was inserting himself into his military's command, to it's determent.

Worse for the Nazis, Hitler had set up his military so all of it's divisions would be competing against each other for his attention and approval, fostering rivalries between his own forces. The idea being these divisions would prevent anyone of his underlings from trying to overthrow him and take control of the Nazis and Germany. Instead this only made the effectiveness of his military worse; despite being on the same side many times his forces refused to play nice with each other.

And then came what is known as D-Day, or 'When Hitler's Chances Changed From Poor to Pretty-Much-Non-Existent'. The Allies consisting mostly of Canada, America and Britain, launched an attack on the beaches at Normandy, launching an invasion that would push the Germans out of France and back to their Fatherland. They got a toehold in mainland Europe and began pushing Hitler's forces back.

It should be noted that the biggest threat to Hitler, the Nazis and Germany wasn't the Allies charging from the west, but the Soviets to the east. The Soviets had an easier time getting troops and supplies over, not having to traverse an ocean, and a huge amount of soldiers. The Allies, however, forced a second front onto the Germans. If they ignored the Allies they would charge through Europe unchecked, liberating captured territories and hit Germany with everything they had.

On the other hoof/hand if they diverted troops to the west to fight the Allies then that was even less men and resources to ward off the Soviets. They were trapped between and anvil and a hammer.

It didn't help that the people of captured territories like France, Poland and Greece were actively undermining and attacking Nazi forces, or that they pressed captured soldiers and oppressed citizens to work in factories building there war machines allowing them to sabotage what was made. Over time the Allies and Soviets shoved the Germans deeper and deeper into their own territory.

In desperation Germany launched a massive assault on the Allies. This would be best known as the Battle of the Bulge, due to how the German's surprise attack and sudden aggressive, mixed with the overconfidence of the Allies, allowed the Germans to shove the Allies back, making a 'bulge' in their lines. The plan was to damage the Allies enough that they would retreat or ask for a ceasefire, freeing up men and arms to send against the Soviets. It might have worked, save that several American troops, encircled in the town of Bastogne, refused to surrender.

Outnumbered, outgunned and outclassed the brave Americans refused to give up and fought on despite a lack of supplies, ammunition and an abundance of casualties. At one point the Germans sent a messenger to the Commander in Bastogne, offering generous terms for their surrender. The Bastogne Commander sent a one word reply back.

“Nuts.” Which I imagine was his way of saying 'Go buck yourself.'

The fighting continued until American reinforcements arrived, breaking the German attackers and forcing them to retreat.

Some of Hitler's commanders took note of how the tides were turning and aimed to depose of Hitler and try and salvage the situation, attempting an assassination on the man's life.

It failed and only made him more paranoid of his own commanders.

In the end Germany was defeated. Hitler, like Fevered Speech, committed suicide.

Afterward the Allies and Soviets would engage in a cold war and that was it for the bulk of the fighting in Europe.

The Americans, during their charge into the German homeland, would also uncover The Holocaust and the horrors it left. They launched a propaganda campaign, bringing the horrors done to light and making it clear to the German people that they were as complicit in the monstrosities as the Nazis; not from action but inaction. They let Hitler come to power, they let him begin his invasions, they let him kill and murder. This did what World War One, and to an extent this war, failed to do; break German pride.

In fact the Germans to this day suffer a bit of a cultural cringe over the actions of the Nazis and their horrors, almost seventy years after the fact.

Back in the pacific the Japanese were being pushed back to their own home islands. Like the Battle of the Bulge the Japanese launched one, big attack to try and drive back the Americans or at least pause them long enough to recover.

By this point in the war the Japanese air force was turned into a joke, and not even a good one. They still had planes, although not that many, but no one to pilot them. By now almost all of their seasoned, veteran airborne warriors were dead, sidelined or crippled. In their place was barely trained rookies and untalented fliers. They had carriers in their home islands, but without a credible air force to put on them they were almost pointless.

Worse they were separated from the IJN (Imperial Japanese Navy) Yamato and IJN Musashi, Japan's super-battleships; even bigger and more powerful than a conventional battleship with the largest guns ever fielded in naval combat. These two ships were the last strengths the Japanese had over the US Fleet, and they were well south.

They turned this to an advantage.

Sailing their carriers southward they intended to use them as a decoy to pull naval support away from the American invasion of the islands in Leyte Gulf while the IJN Yamato and IJN Musashi with accompanying support ships; battleships, cruisers and destroyers, head northwards to stop the invading forces. This force would undergo an air assault from American bombers, costing them the IJN Musashi, although the amount of punishment that took to sink it stunned the Americans. They retreat temporary before doubling back, fooling the US Fleet into thinking they were in full retreat.

Because of this the American Fleet, including the revered USS Enterprise, sailed northwards to meet the carrier fleet, leaving only a token force to guard the invasion. By the time the Japanese Fleet arrives their force consists of the IJN Yamato, three normal battleships, six heavy cruisers, two light cruisers and 11 destroyers.

The American token force consists of a handful of escort carriers (Smaller carriers with only two or three dozen planes each), and a handful of destroyers.

To explain how big of a mismatch this is, imagine Princess Luna leading three of her finest unicorn guards and another twenty of her finest Earth Pony guards into battle against a motley collection of first year Flight School Pegasi and a mixed collection of Earth Ponies. That was the Battle of Leyte Gulf, specifically The Battle of Samar (There were several battles going on at the time, all of which comprised the Battler of Leyte Gulf.)

It was a mismatch of epic proportions and the Americans, in all honesty, should have retreated. Lieutenant Commander Ernest E. Evans and his destroyer, USS Johnston, had other ideas and on their own initiative charged the overwhelmingly more powerful Japanese force. Other commanders soon followed him. While they were outgunned their destroyers still had torpedoes, which were fairly short ranged compared to the guns on the ships but had the power to destroy the attacking Japanese warships. The escort carriers, meanwhile, did retreat but put every plane into the air that they could. Together they attacked the Japanese with bravery that boggles the mind.

Even more mind boggling is this. They won.

The outnumbered, outgunned, outclassed, out-everything token force beat the superior Japanese Fleet, which included one of the biggest warships to ever set sail. The sheer aggressiveness and unwillingness to retreat fooled the Japanese commanders into thinking that they were fighting much larger and more powerful forces then they were, an illusion empowered by the fact that the torpedoes launched were bringing down ships. In the confusion the Japanese, which I need to repeat, which had the overwhelming, crushing advantage lost and retreated. While the Americans lost a couple of ships, including USS Johnston and her commander, the Americans won despite the overwhelming odds via sheer guts and idiotic bravery.

I swear, if Rainbow Dash was a human she would have been a World War Two fighter pilot for the United States.

Not long after the Japanese pulled their forces from China to strengthen homeland defense. In addition they employed a new tactic, the Kamikaze (Divine Wind).

With their air force decimated to a collection of barely trained pilots and a shrinking arsenal of planes they decided to maximize their air force the only way they could; jamming as much explosives onto the planes as possible and ramming them into the US Fleet's ships, at the cost of the pilots.

The Japanese hundreds of years ago had a samurai class, not unlike knights, who followed a code called Bushido. To them taking as many foes with you in glorious death was an honor. Minotaurs have a similar 'death before dishonor' view, but not to the... extremes the Japanese could take it.

While the Kamikaze damaged and destroyed ships and scared the daylights out of the Americans all it only slowed down the American armadas. America began an invasion of the islands of Japan and in anticipation for the casualties they expected to take made what are called Purple Hearts, a medal given to soldiers wounded in battle, in high enough numbers for the expected casualties. They have yet to make any more due to how many were made at this time.

However the Americans wound up creating a super-weapon of their own, the Nuclear Bomb.

The power of this bomb is hard to imagine... But if it were dropped into the center of Manehattan, Neigh York would no longer exist. It is a weapon of terrible power.

The Americans thought that the mere threat the weapon posed would force the Japanese to surrender.

They did not.

One of these bombs was dropped onto the city of Hiroshima, causing an estimated seventy to eighty thousand deaths instantly. That number later doubled due to radiation that the bomb left in it's wake. (I will also make sure to find some information on radiation; human experiments into the subject can prove useful in our own experiments, as well as helping fight magically resistant cancers.)

Amazingly the Japanese did not surrender. It should be noted that their ability to fend off air attacks from the US by this point was slightly better than my brother's ability to resist Cadence's 'bedroom gaze'. Which still meant if the US wanted to bomb any point in Japan, the Japanese could do almost nothing to stop them.

The result of this was a second nuclear bomb being dropped on Nagasaki to similar casualties. This time the Emperor decided that enough was enough and planned a formal surrender.

Several of his junior officers, proving that 'military' and 'intelligence' just don't agree with each other all the time, tried to pull a coup to force the war to continue. Thankfully it failed.

It should be noted that humans to this day debate if the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki were necessary or if a conventional invasion would have been better. I suppose the Americans could have called an armistice or ceasefire or something but I imagine they wanted to make sure the Japanese knew they were beaten in no uncertain terms without risking more of their own people. Much like the Germans the Japanese were a prideful people and they must have decided that breaking that pride would ensure they wouldn't try anything else against them ever again.

So far, it's worked.

And thus the most horrible war in human history ended, after the deaths of anywhere between sixty and seventy eight million people. While there was some fallout, such as Germany being cut in half between the Allies and Soviets (Germany was reunited a little over twenty years ago) and the start of the Cold War between the Allies and Soviet Union, the world settled into an age of peace.

A short lived, uneasy peace, but still.

To this day the Nazi's are considered an easy, acceptable target by almost everyone. There is a group of people called 'Neo-Nazis' that worship Hitler's world view, and decry Jews and other races, but they have little political power and are generally looked down upon by the world at large. And while the war produced untold horrors it also showed what makes humanity great; individuals rising above and beyond the call of duty. A single man holding Nazi forces at a bridge, oppressed French citizens undermining and sabotaging the invaders, an unarmed troop transport ramming a tank onto it's side. The Second World War showed the depths humanity could reach, but also the heights.

I think that, in the end a man named Mahatma Gandhi had it right.

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it—always.”

For a time Adolf Hitler rose to power. He was a tyrant and murderer, and for a time seemed unbeatable. But in the end the world aligned to fight him.

And he fell.

In the end humans and ponies are alike; the tyrants will rise, and then heroes will bring them down.

Signed Your Faithful Student

Twilight Sparkle

x---x

She groans, setting the letter aside. It was her longest yet, and emotionally draining. She sat there for several minutes before turnign to the computer, logging onto the site 'You Tube'. On a whim she typed in 'awesome world.' Once the results loaded she scrolled down until on caught her eye.

“The World Is Just Awesome (Boom De Yada) | Discovery”

She clicked on it.

And after it was done playing, she couldn't help but smile.

---

Oh done, finally...

That letter... I knew even compressed there was a lot of history on World War Two, but I didn't expect such a long letter from it. :twilightoops: Still, that's done and over with. Whew.

Not sure what subject Twilight will tackle next, but I don't want it to be something so... loaded.

Ahem...

**Raises a fist to the sky** CURSE YOU HITLER!!!

Chapter VIII: The Code Is More Like Guidelines, Really

Chapter VIII: The Code Is More Like Guidelines, Really

Okay, no one panic, I'm alive, I'm alive! Here's something for all of you, fresh off the grill!

“Man, it's been a day...” Kyle let off, sitting down on the bench. He was at the mall, two bags overstuffed with groceries either side of him as he slipped his shoe off, setting it on the opposite knee as he started to massage it through the sock.

It had been a long day; while he'd gotten out of work at two thirty he had to go to the shop to drop the van off to get it tuned up, go pick up the stain to finish the shelves he and Aunt Polly started three months ago, before she became too ill to continue.

It was a shame he didn't finish it until now, but between grieving and helping Twilight he had a full plate to start with.. His Aunt had played video games since she first played Super Mario Brothers Three and Legend of Zelda when she went over to a friend's place. Since then she'd accumulated a collection of consoles, and a library of games for each. She had kept her old NES games in a cupboard for years, until one of her guests had a overestimated his agility during a dinner Polly hosted.

Thankfully his foot didn't break...

The cupboard was destroyed, but rather then get a new one they hit on the idea to build shelves themselves. Oak boards, stain, router, everything. It was just another bonding project for them. It was a shame she'd never see them put up.

They were built, the router being used to put nice edges onto the wood. All that needed to happen was staining the pieces and instillation.

After buying the stain and few other odd supplies he'd stopped off at the mall, grabbing groceries and Super Mario 3D Land.

Aunt Polly always loved Mario games the most.

Even the crappy ones.

Just as he set his foot back into his sneaker a foot pressed itself onto the back of the bench, making his head turn.

The first thing he noticed was the three inch red heels.

The second thing he noticed was the long, silky smooth leg.

The third thing he noticed was the micro mini skirt, black with red trimmings.

The fourth thing he noticed was the pink thong from how spread the legs were, and how short the skirt was.

The fifth thing he noticed was they all belonged to Linda. “Hey there, Handsome. Miss me?”

“Like the flu.” Kyle replied, leaning back into the seat, crossing his arms.

“Ouch.” Linda let off, wincing. “Come on, baby...” She said, setting her foot down before moving to sit down next to him, resting her arm on the back of the bench, facing him. “Are you going to blame me for having needs that had to be filled?”

Kyle bit hit tongue, before speaking what she was filled with. “Linda, you cheated on me. Playing innocent isn't going to win you brownie points.”

“Oh, come on...” She let off, pouting as she crossed her arms, still keeping her torso facing him. “You think that new girlfriend you found is going to be as awesome as I am.”

“One, Twila isn't my girlfriend. Two, she's pretty awesome in her own right.” Kyle spat back at her.

Left unsaid was the fact she was a unicorn who traveled across dimensions, but she wouldn't believe it if he said it.

“And yet you buy her shoes...”

“I bought you shoes.”

“And they still fit.” She replied, grinning as she reached over, setting a hand on his shoulder that was swatted aside. “Oh come on, don't tell me that old woman is warning you about 'girls like me', hmm?”

“Aunt Polly died.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her whole demeanor change. Her eyes widened in shock, her smirk vanishing a moment later as she brought a hand to her mouth. “Oh god... I didn't... Oh, I'm sorry...”

“About the only thing you've been sorry for.” Kyle let off, picking up his bags as he stood up.

“Kyle...” Linda let off, extending a hand before pulling it back as he turned a glare on her.

“You never apologized.” He hissed out, trying not to cause a scene as people passed them by in the mall. “Ever. You blamed me for not fucking you, you blamed Uric for being too charming, you blamed my Aunt for not liking you, mainly because you cheated and not once did you say sorry. For anything.” He snorted, adjusting his bags. “I don't know if I could have taken you back, but if you can't even admit blame, why should I bother?” He said before turning and walking towards the exit.

Linda for her part gave him a sad, hurt look before huffing. “That's because I don't have anything to be sorry for!” She spat out to herself before letting off a sigh. “...right?”

“I'm home!” Kyle let off as he entered the house, kicking his shoes off before setting the can of stain by the door. Sighing he shut the door, walking to the kitchen, past Twilight with an X-Box controller in her hand, setting his bags down.

He was still irritated with Linda, but decided it wasn't worth getting too upset over.

Or rather that she wasn't worth it.

“Hi.” Twilight replied, sticking her tongue out, bangs coming out of the TV as she focused on what she was doing. As he set the food away, leaving the box of Panko bread crumbs on the counter he looked to see what she was playing.

He could make out two wooden ships firing cannons at each other. “Pirates?”

“Sid Meier's, yes.” She replied. Once the food was set away one of the ships slammed into the other.

The scene changed to the strapping young captain fighting the opposing captain, the only delay being Twilight choosing the longsword. He always used the rapier. Kyle moved into the living room, standing next to her as she played.

“I'm surprised at how accurate it is to actual piracy.” She added as she forced the other pirate back on the screen with a stab. “I mean I know there are liberties taken, and unlike Equestrian pirates they have cannons, but still.”

“Wait, you have pirates in happy-go-lucky-sugar-land?” Kyle asked, confused as Twilight rolled her eyes.

After the other captain lost, and was knocked overboard by a load swinging into him, she set the controller down. “We do. Bad ones, mostly. They tend to embrace the romanticism of piracy, and think that it's fairly easy, get them stallions... They wind up being so sloppy that the Royal Guard tracks them down within a week. The only exception within the last two hundred years was the Diamond Crest Pirates who operated for over a full year before being caught. By my brother, actually. The were led by a Diamond Dog who did know what he was doing. But eventually Shiny sent one of his stallions undercover and got his first mate, a unicorn mare, I think, to brag in bed.”

“Huh.” Kyle let off, moving to sit next to her. “So ponies on the high seas, huh?”

“Ah, no.” Twilight replied, shaking her head. “Airships, mostly. Like the Final Fantasy ones. They're still expensive, but Blue Yonder Industries has been making them more affordable as of late. Actually, some of the first airships wound up being used for piracy. Interesting story really.”

“You know, I should have asked about your world a bit more.” Kyle said, crossing his legs. “So, let's start here.”

“Wow... Most of my friends wouldn't ask...” She said, tapping her chin as she leaned back into the seat. “But... Okay... Well, you remember what I told you about Princess Luna turning into Nightmare Moon and being banished for one thousand years?” She saw Kyle nod so she carried on. “Well, afterward Princess Celestia took a leave of absence. She... She had to come to terms with banishing her own sister so she left Canterlot in what's known as the 'Dusk Century.' It wasn't a full century, mind you, just eighty five years. After she left she placed Princess Silver in charge, who in turn used a disguise spell to pretend to be Princess Celestia, fearing that without her on the throne Equestria would come under attack. Which it did, leading into the Fallen Crown War, when we were attacked by an alliance of the Minotaurs and Griffins. Then again, the Griffin Empire doesn’t have the heart to attack when Princess Celestia is on the throne. When she went missing four hundred years ago they attacked again, and pretty well ran when she came back. Mind, they were kept out of Equestria for the most of that war, with the bulk being fought in the Fillypine Islands so they wouldn't have enough of a claw hold to attack--”

“Twilight, we're getting off track.” Kyle said, holding a hand up to stop her. “Pirates?”

“Oh, right, sorry.” Twilight let off, blushing a bit before speaking again. “Anyway, Princess Celestia was attempting to bring the station of stallions up to equality with mares before she left. It was a hard struggle; due to the gender imbalance and higher numbers mares had a tendency to look down on stallions, not unlike women in your history. Things to be desired, protected, not as smart, and so on. Princess Silver was expected to carry on Princess Celestia's work, but failed. She was more focused on maintaining her illusion and keeping the major players of the day happy and keeping the three tribes together. This led to a period where mares mistreated stallions and more or less got away with it.

“One stallion was named Lifting Sparrow. He was a pegasus who was... Umm, it's regrettable to say but...”

“I'm sure whatever happened to him humans have done to humans.” Kyle said, nodding at her and gesturing for her to continue.

“...He was treated as breeding stock for a herd of mares. However he had gotten in contact with other upset and downtrodden stallions and they decided to band together. They hatched a very daring plan. At the time, Airships were still new and the Guard was outfitting them with ballista and other weapons. One of the first had just been finished and Sparrow and his followers decided to steal it. They used one of their numbers to distract the ship's guard with flirting before they were knocked out from the back. Taking the helm, the now Captain Sparrow took his crew and named the ship 'Pearl Breaker'.

“They raided villages and towns, stealing food and valuables before using fences in the cities to acquire bits. They made their base in an island on a large lake, which had hills all around it, meaning their camp wasn't visible from the shore. They called it Bucks Port. They spent over twenty years going across Equestria, raiding and pillaging. They used young stallions to find out what the armies movements were going to be, as well as find good places to strike. They're best known for the... Well, the Rape of Hooferville...

“It was a response to what happened to a young colt named Loose Spirits. Poor colt.. Sold by his own family as a sex slave, abused and forced to clean, not able to play, not able to learn, just forced to work or breed day to night. One night he ran away into the woods, but he was caught two days later. Beaten black and blue. Both front legs broken... Nurses patched him up and he told the Guard what happened, but nothing was done to the family. Not even a stern word. All the townsfolk just... acted like it never happened.

“Then Captain Sparrow learned of it and came and attacked. He captured the colt's family, and all of the mares that didn't escape. He had the mares lined up, tied down and told his stallions to use them. He even coaxed most of the stallions in town to take part, raping every mare left in the town, sparing only the fillies. And he waited until heat season to start up... It's estimated that forty five percent of Hooferville today has lineage to the crew of the Pearl Breaker. Loose Spirit joined the crew, as did other stallions from the town.

“After that Princess Silver devoted a lot of time to bringing him down, but wasn't able to. Eventually a band of pegasus mares formed a watch group called the Sky Burst Squadron to fight back. They eventually located Bucks Port and led the guard there. Sparrow and most of the pirates fled on the Pearl Breaker, but it was damaged in combat before being forced to the ground and boarded. Most of the crew was caught, but some like Loose Spirit escaped. As for their leader, well it was they day they almost caught Captain Sparrow. After the Bucks Port Raid he just... vanished. No one knows what happened. Some say he died of wounds accumulated from fleeing the battle. Others say he took his booty and quietly formed his own herd in the outskirts of the Kingdom. Others say he was caught, but the guards covered up imprisoning or killing him to avoid making him a martyr.”

“Wow, that is quite a bit of history.” Kyle said finally. “Need a drink?”

“Yeah, please.” She said as Kyle stood, walking to the fridge. “The after effects were wide reaching though. Princess Silver realized she needed to prevent another Sparrow, so she carried on Princess Celestia's work. While the public did resist, she laid out the foundations for gender equality.” Kyle sat back down next to her, passing her a can of Pepsi in his hand. She popped it open before taking a long sip. “It still wouldn't be until after Princess Celestia came back that fully equality would come about, but that's another tale for another time...”

“Well, maybe we can do another history lesson later.” He said, standing up and going back to the door, picking up the can of stain. “I'll be in the basement, finishing something up. Call if you need me.”

“Okay!”

Author's Note

I do apologize for the extended lack of updates. Real life, playing Star Trek Online, excuses, excuses, you know the drill. I do need to give myself a kick in the rump to keep going. I do have so many ideas...

As for this chapter, I decided to flesh out the MLE version's of Equestria. I may go more into the history of The Fallen Crown War, but that won't be for awhile.

Next plan: religion.

…

Excuse me, I need to get my flame proof suit...

Chapter VI: Sunshine Mall: Books, Grocery and Tail-Lifters!

Chapter VI: Sunshine Mall: Books, Grocery and Tail-Lifters!

Shout out to Andrew Joshua Talon and his fic Hands. It's very enjoyable, so if you haven't read it, please do.

Been spending a bit of time playing Champions Online and Star Wars the Old Republic. Among other things. I used to play City of Heroes, but the number crunchers decided to shut it down. Damn number crunchers.

“Twilight, relax.” Kyle said firmly as he drove down the road to the mall, the two now in his aunt's Volkswagen. The small beetle wasn't great for hauling much of anything, but it was very nice to drive when you weren't worried about how much you needed to take back.

Twilight, or Twila as he would have to call her in the mall, shifted nervously in her seat. She wore tight blue jeans, a pair of white sneakers and light purple button up shirt. His aunt's old wristwatch was on her left wrist, her right hand fiddling with the strap. “I'm sorry, I just don't know... I mean, what if I screw up? You know, if I don't blend in right?”

“You're worrying too much.” Kyle replied, chuckling as he made a turn onto another road, building passing them by. “Just act natural, don't use 'pony' unless your talking about a pony, don't say hooves, hair instead of mane... If you get worried then let me handle the talking.” He said before looking off to the side down the hill they were on. “There it is. Sunshine Mall.” He said as 'Twila' looked over at the building in question before blinking.

“It's big...” She let off. The building in question was only a story high, not terribly impressive. It didn't have towers or large gates and it didn't have banners on the walls. However it was both wide and long. The building was shaped like a massive horseshoe. “So... What exactly is a mall?”

“Think of it... Like a town market.” He began. “But instead of stalls it's full on stores. Sunshine Mall has about sixty or so stores in it, ranging from book stores and electronics to food and jewelry. This means everyone comes to the mall to shop, so it's often fairly busy. We need to get you a few things, mostly a couple sets of shoes and some clothes.” He said as they began down the hill. “You need some newer stuff, I think.” He added checking for traffic around him. Not too long after they arrived in the parking lot.

Setting her feet onto the ground once the car was parked she gulped.

Time to to see human society up close.

Her head turned to the left. Then to the right.

There they were. Other humans. Sure, she had seen them in pictures and videos but not up close like this.

Fat humans, skinny humans, tall humans, short humans, handsome humans, ugly humans, light skinned humans, dark skinned humans and nearly every shade in between. Blonde hair, brown hair, black hair, red hair, blue hair (Kyle said that was dyed, not natural).

Clothing styles ranged from simple pants and shirts to elaborate skirts and blouses. One teenager she saw wore tiny shorts and a small shirt. Then there was a woman who wore some form of cloth over her head, hiding everything but the eyes and nose.

And then there were the stores.

Large signs proclaiming the names and logos of the store in question in bright, eye catching colors. Posters and stands showing off what they had to offer. Video stores, candy stores, jewelery, fashion, shoes, athletics apparel, video games, board games, table top games...

Then she saw it. The one store that made her stop and stare.

And drool.

The sign was simple. A bright red open book with golden letters in simple font.

'Chapters'.

“Ummm, Twi? Twilig, err, Twila?” Kyle let off, waving his hand in front of her a few times as she stared.

“It's beautiful!” She declared before striding into the open doors of the book store.

“...Aww nuts...” Kyle let off, giving a big, deep sigh before following her in. It didn't take long for the unicorn turned human to find the science section, eyes flickering over each of the names of the books on the side of the books. Kyle coughed lightly once he came up behind her before speaking. “The beetle isn't that big, and while Auntie left me a lot my funds aren't unlimited. We are not buying out the store.”

When she turned to him with that pout and whimper he couldn't help but think of how adorable it was. “We can still get a couple though.” He added, watching her face turn into a beaming smile.

“That's more than a couple...” He muttered. 'Twila' just stuck her tongue out at him, bag in one hand with five books in it. Two about the human anatomy, another about Canadian history, one of American history and the last being an odd choice, the autobiography of Mick Foley 'Have A Nice Day!: A Tale of Blood, Tears and Sweatsocks'. “Anyway, come on.” He said, leading her into a shoe store, moving to the back as she walked by his side. She looked around, looking at all the shoes on the walls. There were sneakers and flats, high heels and platforms and more. “I know Auntie's shoes work, but you need something better fitting. Maybe some flats?” He suggested, pointing to a bench before kneeling down and pulling out a metal object with a slider on it. “We can get an idea of the shoe size with this.”

She nodded, sitting down before slipping her shoes off as he set her foot on the slider, measuring it for a moment. “Okay then. Think there's anything in purple?”

“I'll look.” He said, patting her knee before standing and going off to where shoes upon shoes were displayed. She sighed a bit as he went off to look. The shoes did do the job, but heavens they were uncomfortable. Idly she lifted a foot up onto her other leg, rubbing at it idly, sighing as she shook her head. During one shake she caught sight of something from the corner of her eye.

She was on a bench outside of the shoe store, foot tapping and arms crossed. The woman was about Kyle's age, give or take, and seemed fit enough, it was hard to tell at that distance. She was a blonde with long hair, maybe mid back at most, past the shoulders at the least. She could make out her eyes, blue, but only for one reason.

Those eyes were looking right at her. Narrowed, angry eyes as if Twilight had just delivered to her a massive insult.

A woman she never saw before. Said blonde's eyes darted to the side a bit before she stood and stormed off.

Stormed off; not walked. She seemed upset, and if she wasn't mistaken at her. Before she could ponder it for much longer a box dropped onto the bench. “Okay, try this one on for size.” He said, opening the box up.

The shoes were flat converses, at least she thought that was what they were called. They were somewhat shiny with white trimming around the edges and wrapping over the toes. She took them out of the box and slipped one on her foot, looking it over before putting on the other. “Sooo... Now what?”

“Stand up and walk around a bit.” He says, stepping back. “Just pace a little and get a feel. See if it fits right and feels comfy.” He said, smiling at her as she nodded. She then started a slow walk around the bench, before jogging lightly. Lastly she came back to him, bouncing on her feet lightly. “I... I like this.”

“Huh... Often takes me four or five pairs to find a good set...” Kyle mused, shaking his head with a grin. “Good enough to keep, or try on something else?”

“So, how are you liking it so far? The mall I mean?” Kyle asked as the paired walked down, his aunt's old shoes in a bag in his arm along with at least two new sets of clothes from a nearby store.

“We really don't have anything like it back home.” Twilight replied, tapping her chin in thought. “I mean Canterlot's marketplace was busy but... This is so much different, it's hard to put into words. It's like putting all of the energy of a town market and compressing it somehow.”

“Well, it is in a building.” Kyle said with a shrug. “So I guess it does compress it down a bit. Hey, come on, I see the food court.” He said, pointing to ahead to an larger area with various stalls in the walls, each with it's own eye catching logo and fresh smelling aromas. The pair didn't take long to get in line for the A and W vendor, ordering their meals and going to a table, sitting down.

They made idle conversation during the meal, Twilight enjoying the Teen Burger before her before looking over Kyle's shoulder.

There was the blonde again, staring at her. “Why is she staring at me?” She asked, mostly to herself but loud enough for Kyle to still hear. He turned his head, spotting the blonde as her eyes widened, the girl quickly turning to leave.

“Linda...” He groaned out, turning back, head lowered as he groaned, shaking it side to side. “Try not to mind her.”

“Who is she?” Twilight asked as Kyle stuffed a few fries into his mouth, chewing on them. It was clear to her that he looked upset after seeing the girl, and it worried her somewhat. Once he swallowed he looked up at her.

“My ex-girlfriend.” He replied simply. “Look, don't ask here.” He said, cutting Twilight off as he mouth began to open. “You can ask when we go home, but not now. Not here.”

“Okay, I understand.” She replied softly, reaching out and patting his hand gently. “Besides, it's my first time out in a place like this, I don't want it ruined because of one pon, err, person.”

“Yeah, I can hear that.”

“Let's grab some groceries before going back.” Kyle said, leading her to a large grocery store, a sign above it declaring it a Safeway. Twilight noted a woman on the bench near the entrance who's head turned to face them, the mouth on it turning to a wide smile. She was pudgy, if not outright fat with a face that didn't look unlike a guppy fish. She wore an old, beaten up blue jacket and lifted a hand up and waved.

“Hello!!!” She let off cheerfully, Kyle waving back and answering.

“Hello!”

“How are you?”

“I'm good, how are you?”

“Goooooood~!”

“Awesome!”

The woman let off a laugh as the pair walked by into the store proper. “She suffers from some mental disorder.” Kyle whispered to Twilight, leaning into her. “Not sure what it's called, but it means she's... not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Sweet as sugar, though, and hangs around helping people. She's almost an unofficial employee here.” He takes her shoulder in his hand, grabbing a basket. “Anyway, we need canned milk and some sugar for the donair's I'm planning on making.”

“...Meat?”

“Spiced meat.”

“Ohhhh!”

“Soooo...” Twilight began tapping her fingers. The two had started on the drive back to the house, the better part of two odd hours of shopping behind them.

“Let me guess...” Kyle let off with a sigh, eyes ahead as he focused on the drive. “Linda.”

“Linda.” Twilight parroted as Kyle's jaw clenched. “...You really don't like her, huh?”

“Yeah...” he sighed, biting his lip for a moment. “Well, before I get into that give me some context on, ah, pony romantic relationships.”

“Well...” Twilight began, leaning back in her seat. “With ponies only a rough quarter of our population is male. Some places, like Ponyville, are closer to a fifth or sixth and others like Apploosa is closer to a third. Mares will seek out stallions for; well, you know, and try and marry. Due to the differences in the male to female ratios sharing males are a must; this results in a mare sharing her stallions with close friends and in some cases, forming herds.”

“Herds?” Kyle let off, glancing at her as she nodded, making sure he was in his lane of the highway. “Like a herd of horses?”

“Not like animals, no. A Pony Herd is usually one male with one lead mare and up to three supporting mares. Larger herds, like say five supporting mares are not unheard of, but usually by the time you reach seven a second stallion is involved. The largest single stallion herd, as I recall it, was a total of eighteen mares.”

“Oh boy...”

“The largest duo stallion herd is twenty nine.” Twilight looked back at him, tapping her chin. “Mind they may have added to it since I've been gone.”

“Okay, well then...” Kyle said, biting his lip for a moment. “What if a... involved stallion or mare strays? Say sleeps with someone other then his or her mate, or outside the herd.”

“Depends on gender.” Twilight replied quickly. “With stallions usually the worst that happens are feelings get bruised, and only if the mare he slept with was disliked by his mate or the rest of the herd. Otherwise not much of a fuss would be raised. Remember, there aren't many stallions. Trying to keep one all to yourself is seen as selfish, or anti social. It is another matter if the stallion spends more time away from his beloved or herd, but so long as a stallion isn't cheating emotionally no one makes a fuss.

“Mares are different. If I recall correctly, humans only found ways to identify genetic legacy via tests rather recently. Well.... Ponies still haven't. What spells we've made to try and determine linage is inaccurate at best. Therefor if a mare gets a coltfriend, a husband or joins a herd she's expected to remain faithful. During her periods of heat she only lays with one stallion in a two stallion herd. It's the only way to know for sure who fathered which child. Straying mares are looked at... not fondly. At best she's labeled a tail-lifter. The closet thing for humans is 'Slut' but the definition doesn't fit, an unattached mare can sleep with anypony she wants and not be frowned upon for it. … Except Cloud Kicker, but her life's goal seems to be to sleep with all of Ponyville.

“Anyway, a tail-lifter is somepony who, even after promising to be faithful, will sleep with stallions she's not promised to. And since typical pony sex involves the... male mounting the female from behind she needs to move the tail out of the way, usually by lifting it. I suppose to humans it seems unfair that the stallion can sleep around without care and the mare can't after getting involved, but it's how we evolved. … So what does this have to do with Linda?”

“Tail-lifter.”

“...Oh.” What bothered Twilight about that was just how quick and casual he was about saying it.

“We started dating... Back when we were sixteen.” He began, frowning a bit as he made a turn. “It's that magical little age where you worry about pimples and what whats-her-name did on the weekend. A mutual friend set us up on sort of a blind double date, he took his girlfriend with him and he got me and Linda set up. We hit it off. Movie nights, long walks holding hands, sneaking kisses. You know, all that romantic junk you read in novels or see on television. Then of course came the sex...

“This is where we weren't typical, most people, humans anyway, depict the guy as a horny, hard-as-hell perv who just wants to have sex with a pretty enough girl that will spread her legs, and that the girl is angelic, saving herself for her wedding night and oh-so-pure. We were the opposite. She made a point of flashing condoms at me and all but demanding we get in bed together. I... I wanted to slow play it...”

“The wedding night of your dreams?”

“Not that slow.” He chuckled softly, a small grin coming back to his face, to Twilight's delight. “But, you know, I just didn't want to... rush in. I liked her, hell, maybe I loved her. But the thing was I didn't want to just... I...” He sighed, shaking his head. “I guess what I'm trying to say is, I was afraid. Afraid I'd muck it all up somehow, that something would go wrong, or she'd get pregnant or... There were a lot of ors...

“Then after about... around when we were seventeen I got a text from her mother.” He said, his jaw clenching again. “She came home from work one night and bedded Uric Richthofen, the school’s resident jackass and jock head, in bed. Naked. Doing it.”

“Oh heavens...” Twilight let off, reaching over to touch his shoulder. “I... You don't need to--”

“I was about to set up a night to bed her at the time.” He carried on as if she didn't even say anything. Despite telling the story his eyes were on the road, oddly alert as he spoke. “Date, dinner, movie... Auntie was going to be gone for a week... Bought the condoms even. And then she turned around and just... flaunted herself at some dumbass jock, just to get laid. And worse, they'd been doing it for a year without anyone knowing. As you can imagine when I saw her later that day... things were said, I was pissed off and if I had an ounce less of self control I probably would have decked her. I dumped her like a rock off a bridge.”

“I'm so sorry...”

“Auntie always said 'Opening your heart opens yourself to the greatest joys... and the greatest hurts.' Wasn't kidding either. She dated him for about a month before he was caught with another girl. She made a huge fuss about it. Hypocrite. A while later she tried getting back with me but I decided not to have any of it. Rumors went about that she had slept with other guys the whole time, but I never thought much of it at the time, just nonsense rumor.”

“Too much hurt?” Twilight asked softly as he took in a large breath before releasing it.

“It's just... After that I don't think I can bring myself to trust her again.”

“Can I ask you something?” Twilight said after Kyle finished drying off the last of the plates, setting them into a cupboard. She herself was sitting at the table, her spell formulas before her.

“Shoot.” He replied, turning to face her, leaning back into the counter top. Twilight thought for a moment longer before speaking.

“I know you don't like talking about her, but... Why did you date her in the first place? Linda, I mean.”

“Hmmm...” He let off, tapping his chin a bit. “Well, at first it was partly because she was a hot girl who had a personality, and liked to joke a bit. After a few dates... I think it was because she acted like I was the coolest guy around... very affectionate but not to the point of being clingy... It's hard to put into words...”

“She made you feel... Special?”

“Best way to put it I guess...” He said, moving next to her, setting a hand on her shoulder. “Look, try not too worry too much. I won't lie and say I'm not bitter over it, but I'm past it. I got better things to worry about. Anyway, any closer to figuring things out?”

“Not yet, but I'll get it.” She said as he patted her shoulder before walking off. She sighed, focusing on her work, scribbling and double checking.

It was a couple hours before she took a break, going over to his DVD library. There were odd titles in there; Star Wars (Six of them) Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Then she stumbled over one odd one. Pulling it out she read the title.

It was a green metallic box with a large looking boat, massive maybe, with a flat top and a small building on the side. Of course she had nothing on the cover to guess scale with, so she could only make an educated guess. Then she read the tittle.

Battle Three Hundred and Sixty Degrees.

She opened it up and saw four DVDs in it, walking to the player and setting the first into the machine.

Again I have to apologize for the long, long wait. I among other things going on I really kinda racked my brain on how the chapter should go, but... brain fart!

This isn't my best effort, I hate to say, but I was lacking any real inspiration for it. Oh well, I hope I'll have more for the next one. What is the topic for the next one?

To be blunt...

War is coming...

PS: The woman at the grocery store is based on someone I know. And we have that routine all the time.

PPS: The named of the series is actually Battle 360°, pronounced Three Sixty. It's about the Second World War, focusing on the Pacific Theater and on the USS Enterprise in particular. Highly recommend it.