The World's Most Powerful Nobodies

by Justin Daniels

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Violence, Profanity, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Anon, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 6096

Gary, Mary, and Amber are considered the most powerful beings in Equestria! So what do they do with their powers? ... Mostly just ordinary things, actually. Because with Superpowers, who says you HAVE to be a Superhero or Supervillain?

Gary Stu, Bloody Mary, and Amber are, in order, a human, a batpony, and a teenage drake. All three of them live inside a small apartment in Tall Tale. But there is a secret that they hold - they are considered the most powerful beings in Equestria!

So much, in fact, that they could become the biggest heroes the world has ever seen, with tons of rewards, unshakable popularity, and the obligation to protect the innocent from outrageously evil overlords, demonic forces, and the ancient threats that endanger the world of Equus, itself!

But to that they say, "Screw Obligation", give the world the finger, and simply try to live ordinary lives, instead.

After all, this world has plenty of heroes in it, right? Who says having all this power means you have to save or doom the world with it?

A series of random short stories involving Super Characters, in Generally-Not-So-Super Environments. Basically a response I have to the concept: "Everyone with Superpowers must become a Superhero or Supervillain". Realistically speaking, I'd rather "just keep doing what I do, but with more perks as an added bonus", instead.

As an added no-brainer, it should be noted that this story is not to be taken too seriously. It is first, and foremost, a joke fic meant solely to hammer me out of depression, and get back in the spirit of writing for fun.

Published 2018-07-29 06:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-04 06:22:06 UTC

Enter: "Gary the Human!"

"So... you want me to tell you how I got here, huh?" a lone human's voice asks. The figure standing in the foreground is wearing a black hoodie with blue jeans and black Combat Boots. He also wears black leather gloves, his hair is glowing white, and his eyes glow a vampiric red color, while he looks down at the large pile of Demon Corpses that he stands on top of with a demented smile.

"Hey! Eyes down here!" Suddenly, the view shifts to an ordinary man behind a counter, with shortly cut dark brown hair, a red shirt, and black trouser pants. He would be wearing a traditional "Hay Burger" uniform, and be staring at the pile of corpses with a bored expression... or rather, he'd be staring at the camera. "Don't mind that guy over there. He's just some random dude on Television."

Sure enough, the TV was on, and some weird Anime TV Show was on, with the main protagonist being some sort of stereotypical "emo hero" spinoff of Lucifer, or whatever the equivalent of the Devil could be in whatever belief.

"Anyways, you want me to tell you how I got here?" the human asks again.

The camera shakes its head "No".

"Good. Because I forgot how I got here, too." the human would reply. As the camera zooms in closer to his nametag, he blocks it off with his hand. "Hey, now, eyes up here, buddy!"

The camera tilts slightly, to which the one on focus rolls his eyes and groans.

"Look, my name isn't that important right now. But if you really want something to work with, I'll just make my name sound like 'Gary'. Sound good?"

"Hey, Gary! Who are you talking to?" a feminine voice calls out from behind the counter.

"Gary", as he apparently is, now, replies, "Nothing, Mrs. Buns! Just practicing for opening hours!"

"Well, would you mind helping us with this box of garbage again? We don't have any unicorns working right now, so you're the only one able to lift it up into the disposal!"

Gary sighs. Garbage duty. Of course it's gotta be garbage duty!

"On my way!" he replies, forcing a smile on his face. Upon lifting his hand, and not moving an inch, however, he simply snaps his fingers.

A moment passes by.

"DAMMIT, GARY! WHERE THE BUCK DID THE DUMPSTER GO THIS TIME?!" Mrs. Buns shouts out.

AFTER WORK...

"And in other news, more garbage appears in Canterlot, near the Celestial Palace. Investigations are still underway on who the perpetrator is, but after rigorous studying, the only possible culprit is this stallion." a news reporter states on TV, before the image of an odd-looking stallion hugging a tub of jelly appears on the image corner.

Gary flips the channel with the click of the remote, now simply wearing a gray sleeveless shirt and blue jeans. He has his cheek resting on his fist, while a bored sigh escapes his lips.

"Maybe I should go and do something today..." he says, before smirking. "Nah, I think I'll just sit here and relax."

Suddenly, a loud roar fills the area, shaking the walls, floor, and foundation of the building. Screaming is soon followed, while ponies and people of varying shapes and sizes run through the city in fear.

Gary groans, before standing up from the couch and dragging his feet over to the window. "Ugh... what is it this time?" he asks nobody in particular.

As if on cue, an obese stallion gallops up to his window, taps on the window, and shouts, "MONSTER ATTACK!"

Gary closes his curtains and scoffs at this. "Really? Couldn't they wait until Monday or Friday?" he asks, only to look at his calendar, confirming that it is, indeed, a Monday.

"... Oh. Well, couldn't they wait until NEXT Week?" He looks down, only to notice that next Monday is Half-Off Day at the Supermarket... one of his, and his room-mates' favorite days that only happens once every two months.

"... On second thought, today's fine, as long as whatever it is doesn't bother me."

With a shrug, he walks back over to his couch and turns his TV on.

"HUGGIEBUNNIES!" a colorful cartoon show turns on, with a light blue boy bunny and a bright pink girl bunny giggling and dancing on the screen.

Gary smiles at this. "Oh, hell yeah! Huggie Bunnies is on! Loved this show when I was a kid!" he calls out, uncaring to the world at how obscure it is for a grown man to like a show such as this.

He looks at the camera and shushes it. "Shut up! My show's on, I'm gonna watch it, and nobody's gonna care about it at this time!"

HUGGIE BUNNIES

"What are you doing, Jeremy Bunny?" the pink one asks the blue one.

"I'm painting a picture, Jessie Bunny!" the blue one replies to the pink one.

"Ooh, can I paint, too?" Jessie asks, seemingly entranced in the badly-drawn stick figure Jeremy's painting.

"Nuh-uh! Go play with your dollies, Jessie Bunny!" Jeremy replies, sticking his tongue out.

"Waaaah!" Jessie cries, before a much taller bunny shows up in the background.
*̵̨ͭ͊̆S̈ͯ͗ͦ͛T͊͛̅ͪŐ̿̓̇M̨̊͟P͋̊ͫ̆̋̈̋͘*̈́ͬͮ͋̒͘͏̡ ... *̵̨ͭ͊̆S̈ͯ͗ͦ͛T͊͛̅ͪŐ̿̓̇M̨̊͟P͋̊ͫ̆̋̈̋͘*̈́ͬͮ͋̒͘͏̡ ... *̵̨ͭ͊̆S̈ͯ͗ͦ͛T͊͛̅ͪŐ̿̓̇M̨̊͟P͋̊ͫ̆̋̈̋͘*̈́ͬͮ͋̒͘͏̡ ... *̵̨ͭ͊̆S̈ͯ͗ͦ͛T͊͛̅ͪŐ̿̓̇M̨̊͟P͋̊ͫ̆̋̈̋͘*̈́ͬͮ͋̒͘͏̡
"Jeremy Bunny! Why is your sister crying?" she asks, seemingly glaring at the little blue bunny.

Jeremy, too, gets sad. "She's trying to take my paint away, Mama Bunny!"

"Is this true, Jessie Bunny?" Mama Bunny asks.
Rͪ̀ͦ̀̇͐A̸̿ͦͣͩA̷̶͒͗̏̊ͣ͐Å̧ͬ͗ͤ͘A͒̿̈́̊͘͡Ä̓̿ͫ͠҉͘Ä̴̧ͭ͛ͪ̆̂A͑̉̅̾́̉̃͂̀̕Aͣ̒ͨ̿͊̽̄ͤ̄G̢͌̃͘H͗͑̎̂͞R̋͆!̈!ͫ̇ͯ̔ͮ͒ͯ̒҉̴!͑͏
"I only asked if I could Paint, too, Mama Bunny!" Jessie replies.

Mama Bunny looks over at Jeremy Bunny. "Is this also true, Jeremy Bunny?"

Jeremy Bunny nods his head, looking down. "Yes, ma'am, Mama Bunny..."

Mama Bunny then rubs her chin in thought. "Hmm... then how about this! Would you children like Mama Bunny to teach you a very important lesson in life?"

"Yes, ma'am!" they both reply in unison.

"Very good! Now first, I need you both to listen really well, because this is actually a very grown-up lesson, that many grown-ups even have trouble understanding!"

The kids gasp. "Really?! What is it, what is it?!" Jeremy asks, now very interested.

The mother giggles. "Well, Jeremy... the lesson I am about to teach you, is a lesson called sha-"

The station immediately goes off the air, leaving a long bleeping noise in its place.

The TV Screen goes off shortly after.

Gary stares at the now dark screen with, perhaps, one of the darkest looks he's had the whole day. A mixture of hatred, sorrow, and many other negative emotions could be picked up so strongly, a changeling would likely die by merely sniffing it.

He holds the remote up in the air, and grits his teeth, causing the remote to crumble into dust.

"You... interrupted... Huggie Bunnies..."

He takes a deep breath from his nostrils, and exhales slowly from his mouth, before opening his now flaming red eyes.

"... BIG mistake."

Meanwhile, outside the Apartment Complex...

A massive dinosaur-like creature with a spiky back, several fish-like eyes, and a large round mouth with a ring of massive spiky teeth storms through the city, punching buildings down, and shaking off electricity from the power lines. It lets out a loud roar as vehicles and carriages are evacuated and left with citizens running away.

Everyone's running away from it... except for one human, dressed in only his sleeveless shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of black socks. He looks towards the creature with a death-glare, as his fists remain balled up.

One would easily know, at first glance, that this dude was beyond pissed.

"You! YOU! HOW... DARE YOU?!!" he shouts at the monster, pointing a finger at it.

The monster stops its carnage and looks at him, seemingly angered at his challenging shout.

"You know... I have a really short amount of patience for this kind of thing!" he continues, unfazed by the monster staring right at him.

"And no, I'm not talking about you destroying crap, either! You can blow the whole freakin' MARKET up, and I wouldn't care, which says a LOT considering how much I love the food around that area!

"But when you interrupt me from watching my TV in peace?! Oh~ ... do you realize what happened to the last fool that dared do such a thing?!

"I'll tell you what happened... nothing! Because NOB́OD͢Y̕ W̨AS̨ E͝VE̢R Ţ̷H͢ÀT͏͘ ͠F̷O͘OL͝ISH ̨BEF́OR͝E Y̨͡Ò̶U͘̕͜!"

He balls up his fist as the monster roars and begins charging towards him. He then smiles wickedly at it.

"Although, I guess I can thank you, as well... because NOW I HAVE SOMEONE TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF!"

And with that, he easily rushes up to it at the speed of light, and launches an uppercut at the creature before it could even take another step towards him.

Meanwhile, in Canterlot...

A group of worried individuals kneels before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, who both hold troubled looks on their faces.

"And you're sure this creature is still there?" Celestia asks one of the survivors.

"Y-yes, Your Highness! We teleported here as soon as we heard the roars... it was awful! The creature was able to absorb magic, and held more strength and endurance than that of an Ursa Major!"

"Hmm... then we must evacuate the city at once, and send in reinforcements! There's no way Twilight and the Elements could handle such a creature, if it can absorb magic... we may have to actually go there, ourselves, Sister... at least to draw its attention away from the civilians!" Celestia declares.

Luna nods her head, and with a flash, the two of them are well-equipped with their armor and weapons. Several guards immediately follow them into the Castle Entrance.

As the guards stand in formation, the princesses address them with Crystal-Empire Clarity.

"Attention, Soliders! Today, we shall face an adversary the likes of which none have ever fought before! I want you all to know that this threat may very well be the last one you will face alive... and so, there is no shame in staying here, if you truly fear for your life... but know that those that do come with us, shall be under our protection!

"We have sent letters to your families now, addressing the situation! Should you have any last words, then we will hear them out, and have them officially written, documented, and sent to your loved ones, be it as serious as a declaration of love, to a simple request to delete one's browsing history!"

"Oh, thank Celestia..." one of the guards murmurs in the background.

"... You're welcome." she replies, smiling at the now blushing stallion, while a few give a couple giggles.

"Anyways... is everypony ready?!" she calls out.

"YEAAAAAAAH!" one of the beefier soldiers in the background roars out.

"... Aren't you a Spa Pony?" Celestia asks.

"Of course not, Sister! He's a Cinnamon Nut Salespony!" Luna replies.

"Actually, I'm both... and an Athlete, and a Gym Teacher, and a-"

"Anyways! ONWARD... MARCH!" the princesses call out, before opening the doors to the Castle, and approaching the Courtyard, where two janitors finally toss a pair of bags into a dumpster nearby.

"Finally, we finished cleaning the Courtyard!" the stallion janitor says to the human next to him.

"No kidding! At least now we can take a break from all this mess!" the human replies.

Immediately, they stand to attention while the guards make their way down the stairs to the castle.

"Looks like they're off to war... and with that many soldiers? Good gosh, I'd hate to see what they're about to go up against!" the stallion comments.

Immediately, a large shadow looms over the area, before a massive, severed dinosaur-like head plops into the center of the yard, covering a huge chunk of the courtyard in blood, chunks, and a few eyeballs. Its tongue unfurls out of its mouth, while the eyes that are still in its head have cartoonish "X" marks on them, indicating the creature's dead state.

Everyone stares at the creature's head in silence, while the janitors grumble, and resume their cleaning duties, now having a much, much bigger cleaning job to deal with.

"You just had to jinx it..." the human complains to the stallion.

In the meantime, the soldiers just stand there, awe-struck at the creature that, sure enough, looked dangerous enough to be considered a "Major Threat", and seemed to have flown in from the direction they were about to be heading.

The princesses blink owlishly, wondering just what kind of being could pose such power, to bring about the demise of such a powerful monster.

And with another moment of silence, the guard from before finally asks, "So, uh... did we win?"

Back at Tall Tale Apartments...

(Last one, I promise!)

With another crappy day in paradise, Gary now sits on his couch, frowning at his TV. It would likely take the Cable Company a "few hours" to fix the damages that were done to his cable... but if anything, he knows better than to trust a Cable Company with anything.

With a sigh, he just stares blankly at the empty space while the door behind him swings open. Inside, trots a black-coated bat pony with a red mane and tail, vampire-like fangs, and a bored expression on her face.

She flutters her way onto the couch, where she rests on the cushion next to Gary, and groans.

"Man... I bucking hate Mondays..." she states.

"Tell me about it..." Gary replies. "Missed my freakin' show again, because some stupid dinosaur terrorized the city."

"Oh, so that's what the chaos out there was about... for a second, I thought it was just Half-Off Day at the Supermarket."

"No, that's next Monday." Gary corrects, to which she sighs and nods her head, seemingly relieved.

"Oh, thank goodness... that relieves a lot of stress that I've had!" she says.

Gary raises a curious eyebrow. "Huh... wanna talk about it?"

She sits there silently for a moment, before shrugging her shoulders. "Eh, buck it. Don't have anything better to do, anyways..."

And with that, she begins to tell him how her day went, while the camera begins to rewind the day, going back to the beginning, but this time, in Bloody Mary's perspective.

Author's Note

Until next time, in... "Enter: Bloody Mary!" See you then, My Little Bronies!

... I regret nothing, and will accept your hatred with a smile... it's starting to get delicious.

Enter: "Bloody Mary!"

It is yet another beautiful morning in Tall Tale... if by "beautiful morning", one is referring to waiting in line for twenty minutes, just to get a simple can of over-caffeinated soda to help start one's day.

For the black-coated batpony mare waiting in line, her patience is already getting thinner and thinner with each passing second. The line that consists of twenty-something ponies and humans alike remains at a standstill, while the one person at the register repeatedly rings up the same item over and over, with his finger tapping on his chin, while his eyes remain fixed onto the screen.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. The coupon was expired... I don't see the sale anywhere on this-" the cashier begins, only to be interrupted by the customer.

"-Well try this one, then!" the angry elderly lady states, placing yet another coupon from the deck in her hands. More customers groan at the annoying customer, but she pays it no mind.

"Ugh... bloody hate this place..." the batpony murmurs, brushing her red mane out of her eyes. Though it's morning time, she has a hunch that, at this rate, it would be several hours before the line moves forward.

However, when the cashier's register finally beeps, it's almost like a huge weight is lifted from everyone's shoulders, as the coupon's discount is, finally, accepted.

"About bucking time..." one of the ponies in the line whispers. The lady, however, overhears this and turns around with a frustrated look.

"How 'bout you shut your horse mouth, before I shut it for you?! I have ten mouths to feed at home, so I'm saving as much as I can!" she would retort.

"Maybe your family should invest in Birth Control, then... do both of our worlds a favor..." the batpony can barely hear a male whisper nearby.

The other ponies in the general area, however, take offense to the elder's statement, while the batpony remains unfazed.

"Uh, excuse me?! I'll have you know that calling us 'horses' is considered a-" one of the other stallions, a pegasus, begins, before the lady interrupts him as well.

"And you keep out of it, Featherhead!" the old lady shoots towards the poor stallion, using yet another prejudice remark towards ponies... in this case, Pegasi. And unfortunate for the entire area, the employee working the register was, clearly, a human... but also a newcomer that isn't quite up-to-speed on what's "Culturally Acceptable" just yet.

The equines at this point flatten their ears in disgust, while the batpony sighs. Just another annoying day to be alive, indeed.

Then everything goes silent, while the occasional angered whisper goes through the line. A few of the humans even look to the woman in disgust, while others try apologizing to the equines on their behalf for their unwanted peer's uncouth behavior.

Luckily the Equestrians are quite quick to forgive, and hold a very high tolerance level.

A watch begins to beep loudly, causing the line to look towards the batpony.

The batpony looks over at her watch and gasps, before removing a pair of buds from her ears and growling in frustration. In her Native Accent, she then goes on one of her tangents... and unfortunate for the crowd, she was listening to Human Music, and stepped above her culture's usual censorships... not that she really cared much about them to begin with.

"Oh, fuck me... how the bloody hell is it already 11 in the fucking morning?! I fucking got here at 9, for fuck's sakes! I'm gonna be fucking late at this bloody rate... FUCK! Can't this fucking line go any fucking faster?!"

She then gallops out of the line and places the can of soda onto a shelf, before approaching the nearest vending machine.

"You know what? Fuck this shit, I'll just go an' grab a fucking soda from this bloody vending machine over here... might even have my favorite drink, anyways..."

When she reaches the machine, she sighs in relief, seeing the all-too-familiar Red-Cross-Approved Red Soda, containing a soda called "Near-Blood"... a personal favorite of hers.

While it's true a batpony could live off of fruits, a blood substance could always cover them for a day, in a way similar to coffee for anyone else. But the catch, of course, is that blood consumption is not very favorable in most communities.

It's one of these reasons why she forces herself into this store. Of all the machines, this one contains the closest blood substitute available for miles away... Blood Banks not included, of course.

Without even turning to face the shocked crowd, she leaves the store and takes off.

Tall Tale Offices

As the door to the office complex swings open, and the bell chimes in, a couple heads turn to face the batpony now dressed in a professional-looking black dress, with reading glasses and a black bow that holds her mane into a ponytail... no pun intended.

She takes the elevator several floors up, and into the room where her office is... inside a typical huge room with several of her coworkers already at their workstations, or basically surrounded by desks with panels separating each of them from their peers, giving everyone inside the one large room their own personal, private spaces.

When she reaches her desk, number 821, she plops into the seat and taps on her keyboard, bringing the computer to life. Moving the mouse a few times, she smiles brightly, still a slight bit impressed by the device she uses.

Ever since the Humanland Immigration Act (HIA) one year ago, the people of Humanland opened up imports and exports with their technology, and the computer, after six months of rigorous testing (and countless warnings against using one's mouth to operate tools around them), was finally ready for Equestrian Translation... and by that, they designed keyboards and mouses for hooves to use.

The impressed look immediately fades when her mailbox opens up. Spam, spam, junkmail, spam, complaint, complaint, report about complaints from the boss, more complaints directed TO the boss about said complaints, complaints from the boss about those complaints being complete and total bullshit, etc. etc.

"Another day in Hell. Welcome to the Office Life!" she mumbles to herself.

"You said it, Mary... games are going on today, too, so be ready for a bunch of calls from Out-Of-Towners, as well." a male's voice tells her from across the way.

The phone immediately rings before Mary could even respond. She puts on a fake smile, clears her throat, and answers it, only to fumble a couple times as the phone spins in the air.

"Thank you for calling Office Co! Selling Office Spaces since 961 PB! How can I help you today?"

She straightens up the phone when the muffled voice starts replying to her where her mouth is.

Well, speak of the Devil, and he shall appear... or she, in this case. she thinks to herself, before smiling nervously, already feeling the fighting nature in her keeping from just plain insulting this person.

"No, Ma'am, we do not sell Laundromats, nor do we do Laundry. What? N-no, we don't have plans on doing that, either..."

"BRR BRRGA BRRR BRRRRGABRRRRG!" the phone mumbles to where those around her could hear. Though it's unclear what was said on the other line, her ear flickering, and the murderous look on Mary's face is enough for others in the office to notice.

Ponies and humans alike, after having dealt with having her for about a month, cover their ears, while those on their own calls quickly block off the microphone half of their phones, and cover their other ears.

Finally, she grips the phone with both of her forehooves, and starts to yell in the microphone, causing the computer's screen to go blue.

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO, YA FUCKING LITTLE SHIT STAIN! IT'S NOT MY FAULT WE CAN'T WIPE YOUR ASS EVERY TIME YOU GET SHIT IN YOUR PANTS! AND YOU'RE GONNA COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT TOO, AREN'T YA?!... YEAH?! OH, YOU'LL CALL MY MANAGER?! GET A PEN AND PAPER OUT, THEN, FUCKWIT! IT'S 555 - 5561! NOW GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY LINE, BEFORE I START TRACKING YOU, YOU OVER-PAMPERED LITTLE FUCK!"

The computer then flies across the room, crashing through the wall, and out the building. When the workers turn to look at the carnage, they see that it wasn't thrown, but instead, was propelled from what used to be the desk before she slammed the phone down. A crater can be seen in the center of the desk's halves, leading down several stories, while confused workers below look up at the massive amount of holes above them.

She then huffs out angry smoke from her nostrils, and leans back into her chair, crossing her forelegs in annoyance.

The alarms soon buzz in the building, causing the workers to head out, while the situation gets investigated by the authorities.

"Great! And now, someone fucking decides to snitch on me!" she complains, before immediately, portals open up around the office complex, and several armed unicorns and humans clad in Riot Gear point their weapons at her.

"FREEZE!" they all call out.

She rolls her eyes and stands up from her chair.

"Fuck it, I'll just go to the Hayburger... I'm hungry."

One of the officers rushes forward and, taser in hand, launches the small electrodes into her side.

Though the volts keep pumping into her, she doesn't even seem remotely fazed, and instead, turns her head to the side and grins at the officer, fangs barred.

"Òh ̷goo̡die̸, ̢a̢ ̸sn̛a͝c͠ķ! Yoųr ͝soưl̸ sm̕ells ͡del̕ic̵iou͏s!" she states in her Demonic Voice.

The officer immediately drops the taser and rushes back to regroup with his peers, while they lower their weapons, and avoid eye contact with her.

They weren't paid enough to deal with Hellspawns, after all.

And so, she leaves the office, not really caring about taking off her uniform.

A small needle flies into the air, however, and lands on her neck.

"Hmm? What the... what was I injected with?" she asks, only to turn around and find a mildly annoyed Gary standing there with a straw in his hand.

"Your medicine... you kinda-sorta went on a rampage again." he replies.

She groans, before opening her mouth to speak, as if to test something out.

"Buck. Shoot. Flip-flop... son of a biscuit-eating horse!"

She then deadpans at him. "I bucking dislike you sometimes, Gary."

He shrugs his shoulders and grins slyly, before turning around to head back home, having just gotten off work. "Eh, you say that, yet you know you love me."

She smirks back at him. "Heh, as if! You already know I'm not some cheesy romantic, nor am I interested in Monkey Dogs! Flip... stupid Profanity Filtering Medicine... which one did you inject me with?"

"Overnight Dose, courtesy of Poison Joke. It'll wear off tomorrow morning." he replies.

With another annoyed growl, she decides to say, "Buck it, then... I'm off to harass your coworkers, now."

He raises a thumbs-up and casually walks back home. "Go on ahead, I'm heading home now, anyways."

And with that, they part ways.

As she makes her way over to the Hayburger, however, she crosses paths with two elderly mares, with one holding onto a tiny creature that slightly resembles a T Rex and a Fish.

"That's... a really strange pet you have there, Miss." the first mare says.

The other replies, "Oh, I know, but it's supposed to be a rare creature! A Fishosaur! It's said that very few of them exist these days, due to how dangerous they can become if exposed to toxic chemicals!"

Mary rolls her eyes and ignores them by slipping her earbuds back into her ears, ignoring the mares yammering entirely, and not even noticing (or caring to notice) the creature gnawing out of the leash it was held onto, and falling into a sewer drain.

As she trots over to the Hayburger, she gently sways her head to the music, while cars and carriages pass by. Whenever taking a particular turn into a corner, a human steps from the shadows, wearing a hoodie and a mask, and sliding a knife from his pocket.

He reaches his hand to grab her, only for a stray carriage to fly right through, taking the human with it.

Mary raises an eyebrow and turns around, only to find nothing out of the ordinary.

Shrugging her shoulders, she turns the volume to the music up and continues trotting through while the road behind her crumbles, and the massive Fishosaurus Rex claws its way up, roaring loudly, yet not loud enough for Mary to hear.

It turns its attention to the crowds of people and ponies, and starts wreaking havoc, while Mary continues through the alleyways, until she reaches her destination.

Whenever she reaches the front door, however, she gasps at the sight before her.

"Closed?! WHY THE BUCK IS THE STORE CLOSED, NOW?!"

She looks at the scheduled times, and face-hoofs. "Ugh... darn it! Why can't they stay open at two?! Why do they have to close at two and reopen at five every bloody Monday?!

"I swear, that stupid schedule's gonna run this place into the ground one of these days!" With another frustrated groan, she slides her earbuds back into place, and makes her way back into the alleyway while a series of stray cars land onto the closed Hayburger, exploding and crumbling it into rubble and waste.

As she reaches the turn, a particular part of the song she's listening to begins to play, making her close her eyes and bob her head to the beat.

At this point, she could rely on Muscle Memory, anyways, to take her home. And so, with her eyes closed, she half-trots, half-dances her way through the running crowds, the havoc that the Fishosaurus causes, and even the enraged Gary who launches the creature's head across the sky.

When she reaches the door, she pauses and looks at the massive amount of parked cars and carriages.

Huh... didn't think Half-Off Day was today... wait... HALF-OFF DAY WAS TODAY?! WHY THE BLOODY HELL WASN'T I REMINDED ABOUT THIS?! CAN THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?! her mind begins screaming into her head.

While people around her have stopped to stare at their mysterious, albeit random hero, she simply pays the rest of the scenery no mind (due to her anger), heads into the apartment (which still remains completely unscathed), and closes the door (which still has a creak that needs to be worked on).

Having made it home, she flips the light switch up, only to get no results. This makes her ears twitch in frustration.

"Oh, son of a... GARY! DID YOU FORGET TO PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL AGAIN?! I THOUGHT WE AGREED YOU'D BUCKING GET IT THIS TIME!" she calls out, sliding the earbuds out.

She gets no response, much to her annoyance.

"Well joke's on you, I can still see in the dark!" And with that, she trots up the stairs, and into her bedroom.

When she opens the blinds, however, she sees that several buildings' lights are out as well.

"Ah... must just be an outage, then. One would think they'd at least have a backup plan figured out by now... half the darn city's out by the looks of it!"

She then raises an ear at the sound of the door creaking open. Curious, she trots back down the stairs, and spots Gary sitting at the couch, no longer in his work uniform. From the looks of it, the day's been rough for him as well.

Propping a seat next to him, she decides to try starting a conversation... mostly because of how boring things get when there's no TV.

"Man... I bucking hate Mondays..." she states.

After filling Gary in on the details that she has noticed, Gary rubs his chin in thought.

"Huh... sounds about like your average Monday to me... and by that, I mean it sucked."

"Yep... so, how was your day? Did you find yourself in a scrap with a bunch of officers, or perhaps you went on a trek across the city, only to find that your destination was closed? Perhaps you went on some kind of expedition while you were on your way here?"

He shrugs his shoulders and leans back a little more. "Nope... though I did punch some weird fish thing in the face... it was pretty boring, though. Its head flew to Who-Knows-Where, while its body just up and exploded."

"Wow... that does sound boring."

"I know... though to be fair, it did get me thinking."

His comment catches her attention. She turns to face him, while he stares at his hands, and balls up his fists.

"We've been gifted with such incredible powers... it makes me wonder... what if we were to use them for good? So many lives are lost daily, and we sit here, doing nothing! Letting our talents go to waste! We should be out there, fighting for what's right!"

"... You aren't serious, are you?" she asks him, deadpanning.

He gives her a confused look. "Uh, Hell no! I'm quoting movies that we could be watching right now, if the damn power was on! I'm starting to freak out here, so c'mon, work with me!"

"Oh, right... hmm... you're quoting from the Power Ponies, right?"

He smiles and snaps his fingers. "Got it!"

She smiles back at him. "Okay, okay... hmm... Tel̶l͟ ͏m͜e͘.͡.́.́ cou͞ld͢ ̵you̷ ͟tr̴u̷ly ͟lơv̀e a Va̛m͟pơny͘ an̛d ̢a͝ ́Timber Wer̕ew̨olf ̷a͢t͟ th̕e ̶s͝àme̕ ͟t͟imę?͘"

He rolls his eyes. "Dusklight? Seriously? One of the princesses had to rename that for her student to keep her from locking herself away from the world, didn't she?"

She shrugs her shoulders. "Eh. Execution was stupid, but the show had good premise."

"They made Vamponies look more like they belonged in the Solar Court, with white coats and everything!"

She shrugs her shoulders again. "We weren't really that well-known when it was released. Don't forget, we were kinda cast out when Princess Luna went coo-coo."

"Right... and like us, you've been in Equestria for only about a year now... how can I forget?"

"Perhaps because the lack of TV is making you a moron?"

"... Perhaps."

Everything then goes silent.

Finally, the silence is broken when the door opens up. A teenage female drake with golden scales and blue spikes fashioned like a ponytail on her head steps inside, with her emerald green eyes focused onto a phone.

"Hey Amber." the two adults say.

"Mm-hmm." she replies, walking through the hallway, and into her own room.

It takes a moment, when Amber calls out, "The hell happened to the power?"

One Explanation Later...

"Wow... that sounds boring." Amber concludes.

"It was!" Gary and Mary say in unison. The three then chuckle, while sitting in a circle in the kitchen, with a small flame flickering from a candle, which may or may not have been purchased from a green mare in the middle of some random forest near Ponyville... Ever-Something, Amber forgets.

"Gonna have to tell that Pine Kisser to make more of these candles!" Mary says.

"Actually, I thought her name was Oak Fu-" Gary begins, only for Amber to raise a claw up.

"Tree Hugger. Her name was Tree Hugger." Amber corrects. "She came to class today."

"Oh? How was class, anyways? Did anything interesting happen?" Gary asks.

She sighs, while the camera begins to fade into a-

"Like Hell! I've already had to put up with school today, I'm not gonna let you flashback into THAT mess!"

"It was school... when does anything interesting happen at school?" she replies with a deadpan.

"Right..."

The door begins to knock. "Canterlot Elite! Open up!"

Curious, Amber stands up and opens it, while Gary and Mary douse the flame from the candle out.

"Oh, shit, it's the cops! Here, hide this!" He tosses the candle to Mary, while she glares at him in response.

"Nuh-uh! I'm already in deep doo-doo from them because of my outburst at the office! YOU hide it!"

"What about Rock Paper Scissors?" Gary asks.

"I have hooves, you idiot! You'll just pick paper again and cheese your way through it!"

"Like last time?"

"I was bucking high! How was I supposed to think properly?!"

"Umm, guys?" Amber clears her throat.

The two adults turn to face the unicorn guards clad in Elite Canterlot Armor, and grin shyly, while Mary tucks the candle inside her wing, using concealing magic the likes of which none have seen before. She then looks up at the ceiling and whistles idly, in a totally-not-so-suspicious way.

"We're here on Royal Summons. The Princesses are looking for a Mr. Gary Stu?" one of the guards calls out, unfazed by their odd behavior.

"Damn." Gary says, placing his hands onto the back of his head.

"H-how could you, Gary?! I thought we could trust you not to go back into your old habits!" Mary (obviously fake) cries out, tears and all.

"They're also looking for a Mary Sue." the guard adds.

Mary shrugs her shoulders. "Well, you've got the wrong pony there!" she replies, looking back at the guards.

The other guard whispers in his ear, causing him to clear his throat. "Ah, sorry... I meant to say they're looking for a Bloody Mary?"

"Well... crud!" she mutters beneath her breath. She sits on her hind legs and lifts her forelegs up, placing them behind her own head as well, in a fashion similar to Gary.

To Be Continued!

Author's Note

Next time, on TWMPN!
Royal Summons: AKA "Congrats, you done bucked it up!"

... PB means "Post-Banishment", by the way.