Egil woke up to a guard shaking him and looked up, seeing Blood Moon. He swatted him away, thinking that he was still dreaming, prompting Blood Moon to shake him again, more violently. “Come on man, five more minutes.” Egil mumbled, rolling over away from Blood.

“Sorry, can’t do that. The princess has requested your presence for the signing of the charter that you proposed. Since you were the one to propose it, she wants you to see it.” Blood Moon responded professionally, wrapping his front hooves around Egil’s arm and pulling him off of the decidedly too small cot.

Egil grunted as he hit the floor, standing up and stretching, cracking his back, neck, and other joints. He brushed the small amount of dirt that had gotten on his hoodie off, and followed Blood Moon out of the tent, who continued to lead him to the keep, which now had banners of the two sisters on it. In the large room in the center of the fort, presumably where Silverbeak took most guests, Luna and Mandible were waiting on him, along with another alicorn next to Luna, this one slightly taller than Luna and white, with a flowing mane similar in appearance to the aurora borealis. Egil bowed slightly, before taking a seat at the much too low table.

“So this is the ‘Egil’ that you spoke of, sister,” she said, looking him up and down. Egil summoned a cup of steaming coffee and sipped from it, and the two ponies in the room sniffed at the air, a hungry look on their faces.

He noticed the look on their faces, so he summoned another two mugs, made to the way he liked it, which was with quite a bit of cream and sugar. “As you may have guessed, this is our sister, Celestia,” Luna told him, then sighed in contentment as she took a sip of her coffee. Celestia, however, seemed to dislike the taste, and set it down on the table with a slightly disgusted frown on her face.

“It is not to my liking, sister,” she told Luna, and seemed annoyed when Luna didn't acknowledge her. Luna downed the rest of her mug, which poofed out of existence, and took Celestia’s nearly full one, taking a sip from it. She looked slightly annoyed at this, but didn’t say anything, so Luna went ahead and took another sip, a content smile crossing her face.

“What is this beverage called?” Luna inquired curiously of Egil, gesturing with a hoof towards the remaining mug.

“Coffee, and the beans used to make it are grown in humid southern regions.” Luna nodded at his response, and Celestia sighed impatiently, clearly wanting to get the meeting over with as quickly as possible.

“Can we just finish this already? I agree that we need an intelligence network, but I don’t trust these BUGS to uphold their end of the bargain,” Celestia griped. Egil raised an eyebrow at her, curious about her phrasing, and Mandible’s face adopted a distinctly annoyed look.

Celestia levitated a scroll in front of her using her golden magical aura, plucking a feather from her wing and dipping it into a nearby ink pot, signing the document with a flourish. Luna followed suit, and Egil offered Mandible a pen, seeing as she didn’t have feathers to use as a quill. She signed the document as well, and Celestia disappeared in a flash of golden light, along with the treaty.

“Princess, I believe everyone here will agree with me on this, but your sister is a CUNT. Why is she the one that handles diplomacy, if she acts like that?” Egil asked Luna after Celestia left, raising an eyebrow in emphasis at the now-vacated seat.

Mandible nodded in agreement to the first part of his statement, and Luna responded, “Sister is in charge of diplomacy and general politics because she said so. As you’ve seen, she just makes things worse, but nooo, ‘I’m the eldest, so what I say, goes!’ she says. We wish Starswirl would help us keep her in line, but he’s often too busy going around with the Pillars and saving Equestria, while Tia tries her damnedest to keep us in war.” She frowned at her slip up, but that didn’t make her statement any less valid.

“Anyway, if you’re going to have an intelligence network, I’ll assume that you’ll be our handler, Luna?” Mandible asked, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. Luna nodded in response, and Mandible buzzed her insectoid wings impatiently. “I’ll begin setting up our network, then. Would you like me to set up agents in the capitol to keep an eye on the noble’s dealings?” she asked, to which Luna again nodded. Just before she took off, Egil tossed her a heart shaped crystal statuette, and she caught it in her magic. She flew out the window, heading off somewhere, with the statuette in tow. It was a six inch high pink heart, with the base of it merging with a flat disk, so that it could be placed on a smooth surface.

“Would thou like to accompany us back to Unity?” Luna asked after the room was cleared, hope clearly written on her face.

Egil shrugged, thinking for a moment, before saying, “Sure, why not? What could go wrong?”

They traveled for three days through forests, plains, and mountain passes, and during most of the trip, Egil hung around Luna’s personal guard, teaching them some card games to pass the time when they were off-duty. When they reached the city, Egil noted that almost all of the faces looking out on them from the open windows lining the street ranged from distaste to outright hate, especially when they saw him. Egil followed Luna and her guard to the castle, which was on a rather large hill in the center of the original city, at least from what he could tell of the architecture. They made their way through the castle, entering the throne room, which was one large hallway from the front of the castle, and all of them, including Luna, bowed to Celestia.

“I wish to speak with you in private, sister.” Celestia’s authoritative voice rang out, and Egil noted that she was glaring at him as she said it. Luna accompanied her out of the room, slowly trotting, and Egil decided to stick with Swift Moon and his squad. They ended up in the barracks, where Egil introduced poker to a larger portion of the guards who took to it rather well, though the ponies still had horrible poker faces.

[Celestia and Luna’s Location]

“Why would you bring that THING back to Canterlot with you?” Celestia hissed at Luna.

“And why would we not? He has proven that he has no intention of subverting us, and we both know this city is still UNITY, not Canterlot.” Luna hissed back. “We’re tired of you pushing your pony supremacy on us, it needs to stop. If we weren’t unified, the wendigos would still be around!”

“If you want your PET to remain in Canterlot, he will have to take a pony form. And the unity between PONIES is enough to keep them at bay!” Celestia said heatedly. Luna shrugged dismissively and walked out in the middle of Celestia trying to say something more, and headed off to find Egil.

[Night Guard Barracks]

Egil slapped down his three hidden cards, revealing a full house of jacks and queens. “Read ‘em and weep!” he shouted as he pulled all the bits on the table to him, and weep some of the guard did indeed.

“How do you keep winning this shit?” one of the guards asked, this one having a few bits left.

Egil grinned, chuckling, “You see, my friend, you ponies have very terrible poker faces. Also, never ask a magician to reveal his secrets.” The guards looked slightly downtrodden at this, and upon hearing the door to the barracks open, they bowed.

Egil turned and saw Luna, bowing slightly. “Rise,” she said, almost immediately after entering the room. She looked pointedly at Egil. “Our sister” she spat, “has taken it upon herself to only allow you to stay in Unity if you are a pony. We believe it would be best if thou changed into one, just to keep the day guard off your back.”

The guards in the room collectively said, “Really?” upon this, and Egil shrugged.

“If your sister is going to be a dick about it, so will I. Alicorns are considered to have a divine right to rule, yes?” Luna looked at him questioningly, then grinned in realization. In a puff of smoke stood an alicorn standing at around shoulder height of Egil’s normal height. It was dark green, with the silver dragon holding a full house of kings and aces being the destiny mark. “So, how long do you think it will take for Princess Celestia to demand that I change back?”

The other ponies in the room instinctively bowed, and Egil frowned, “You guys know that you don’t have to bow, right? Technically, unless Celestia decides to have a coronation, I’m not royalty.” he then turned to Luna, “So, you want to go out and have an inspection of the capitol? I deliberately made this bracelet,” he tapped it with one hoof for emphasis, “give me an innate knowledge in how to use a body perfectly.”

They left the barracks and made their way to the throne room, parading through the entrance hall, entering the throne room theatrically. Celestia was sitting on her throne on the right side of the room. She looked up from the scroll she was reading from and her eyes narrowed on seeing Egil’s alicorn form, along with Luna. “Well, dear sister of ours,” Luna said sarcastically, “As you have requested, Egil has taken the form of a pony. However, as he is an alicorn it seems only right that he become a prince, just like the rest of us.”

Celestia frowned, “You will take a non alicorn form or you will be banished from Equestria.” she coldly informed him.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did the pwecious widdle pwincess not get her way? Oh, is she going to cry? Shut the fuck up Celestia, you literally can’t do shit to me.” Egil responded sarcastically.

Celestia’s face was twisted in anger, “I will banish you to the sun, you IMBECILE!” she shouted stomping her gold clad hoof against the floor for emphasis. The ground near her hoof cracked slightly at the impact, and it began feeling warmer in the room. There were ponies milling into the room, and staying just outside the throne room doors, listening in on what the ruckus was about.

Egil just grinned in response, sarcasm on his tongue, “Please do, that way I don’t have to blow up the sun from here. Oh, that’s right, I CAN FUCKING DO THAT!” he shouted right back.

Celestia looked taken aback at his claim, and then sneered, “Oh really, then why don’t you do that right now?”

All of the ponies in the room and just outside the door looked taken aback, and Egil’s grin continued to stretch wider, “Why my dear, it’s almost like you want all life on the planet to perish? And to say as such right in front of your subjects, for shame!” Egil turned to leave, and a golden light filled the room. He noticed that the rest of the ponies in the room were now staring at him, and he looked behind him, noticing that the stone around him was scorched, “Oh my, Celestia, attacking an innocent in front of your subjects, who has the same authority as you, and while his back was turned? For shame, for shame!” he said sarcastically, before sauntering out of the throne room, leaving Celestia blubbering like a child.

He turned to one of the two guards posted outside the throne room, “Might not want to let anyone in there for the time being, I don’t think she can handle someone simply brushing off one of her strongest attacks.” The guard nodded, and seemed rather surprised, and Egil shifted back into his normal form as he walked down the hall, whistling and shuffling a deck of cards as he made his way through the castle halls.

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait, wasn't sure where I wanted to take this one. I eventually changed some things, namely Egil staying as an alicorn to troll Celestia and being crowned a prince. It just didn't feel right when I looked over it, so I rewrote the second half of the chapter. Leave some feedback, though about Celestia being OOC, this is a thousand plus years before canon, which is a long ass time to mellow out.