Perfect Cell Versus A Stick
"In conclusion, Your Highnesses," Perfect Cell addresses Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Novo, and Twilight in the Canterlot Castle throne room. "Send me your strongest fighter to fight me. If he or she wins, I will leave Equestria in peace. But if I win, I get to become the supreme ruler of Equestria. Agreed?"
"Why did you start your speech with 'In conclusion'?" Celestia asks. "You didn't summarize anything."
"I think I made my demands quite clear and reasonable," Cell replies. "Wouldn't you agree?"
"How do we know we can trust you? How do we know you won't return here?" Twilight asks. "And how do we know you aren't fighting our strongest fighter just so you can make it impossible for us to resist you?"
"You'll just have to fight me," Cell proposes, "To find out the answers."
"Why do you want to fight, anyways?" Cadance asks. "We could be friends, learn from each other,..."
"I've heard that five hundred twenty-seven times now," Cell says.
"But there are other ways to acquire rulership," Novo chips in. "Such as heroism."
"I've killed enough heroes to earn the right to rule," Cell boasts.
"Dropeth thy pants," Luna demands, "and prepareth to have thy penis fellated!"
"Well, if you won't agree..." Cell trails off, then turns away from the Princesses to fire a laser beam that destroys half of the castle and everything in it. "...I could just forgo the fighting part!"
"Fine, we agree," Celestia says, speaking for the group. "The fight will be held in an hour, away from civilization so nobody gets hurt."
"Good! I'll go build us an arena on the outskirts of Equestria," Cell says, then teleports away.
"We need to spy on him," Twilight announces. "I'll use a transformation spell on Spike, turn him into a tiny but fast-moving fly, and send him off to spy on Cell."
"More importantly," Cadance says, "Who do we send to fight Cell? We know nothing about him. If we did, though, we could figure out his weakness and avoid a fight altogether."
"Well, why don't we fight him together, as a team?" Novo suggests.
"No, no, no," Celestia replies. "We don't need spies; this Cell creature is hellbent on fighting. We don't need to team up against him, either; that would put our queendoms at risk. And we don't need to find any fighter - we just need to outwit him."
"Good luck with that!" Cell's voice echoes throughout the throne room. "I have the intelligence of a supercomputer and the abilities to match it!"
"Thou wilt alloweth me to fellate thy penis!" Luna cries.
"That's enough, sister," Celestia says. "Now look, everyone. Cell may be strong, and fast, and smart, but he's not invincible. And I have an idea."
"Discord?" Twilight asks.
"Chrysalis?" Cadance tries.
"Tirek?" Novo asks.
"Penis?!" Luna yells.
"I said that's enough!" Celestia yells back. "Cell has the ability to spy on us, so I would prefer to keep my idea to myself. Just trust me, please."
The other Princesses agree, reluctantly. Eventually Cell tells them where the arena is, and the Princesses fly over to the North Luna Ocean. There they find a giant steel platform hovering over the sea, with Cell standing in the middle of the arena. The Princesses touch down on the arena. Cell walks toward them. Luna hops and bounds over to Cell, her eyes turned into hearts.
"Welcome to the greatest fight in Equestrian history!" Cell announces, holding Luna at bay with one hand. "So, what do you think of the arena I built? I made it ex nihilo; that's just how strong I am! Now, where is your strongest fighter?"
Celestia steps forward. The other Princesses gasp. Is she going to fight Cell herself, they think. Cell laughs.
"You, Celestia?" he says. "Why, your power level is not even a tenth of mine! Surely you can't be serious!"
"My name isn't Shirley," Celestia replies. "And it's not Sirius, either. I am Celestia, and I choose..."
She spits out a stick at Cell. It lands at his feet.
"...This stick! It is our strongest fighter!"
Cell kicks at the stick. He laughs even harder at Celestia. The other Princesses blush and facepalm in embarrassment.
"This stick doesn't even have a power level!" Cell says. "Come now, I would allow all of you to fight me at once - even with all of your armies!"
"Win against the stick!" Celestia demands. "And I'll let you fight all of us and our armies at once!"
"Than if you're so eager to die..." Cell trails off and stomps the stick into two. "Now--"
"You've lost, Cell," Celestia interrupts. "The more you attack the stick, the more it will multiply. So you cannot win against--"
Cell fires a laser beam at the sticks, turning them into a million tiny sticks. He then teleports the stick out of the arena, into an active volcano, when the million tiny sticks suddenly return - unharmed, too. Cell glares at Celestia.
"No cheating!" Celestia orders. "You have to fight the stick in the arena that you built for the fight."
"Very well," Cell replies, and transforms the arena into lava.
As lava consumes the stick, it keeps multiplying and multiplying, turning into a large pile of sticks. And the ocean and the Princesses (even Luna by Cell's side) are unaffected by the lava, being protected by a force field that Celestia has created.Cell transforms the arena back into steel.
"Let's see your stick multiply when I turn it into atoms!" Cell announces.
He drops a giant sphere of energy onto the stack of sticks. Celestia places the rest of Equestria in a force field, while the sticks become engulfed in a planet-destroying explosion. Cell clears away the thick smoke that remains to find the stick has, once again, only multiplied into a much larger pile of sticks. Luna uses her magic to arrange the pile into giant words: "I Love You, Cell."
"Stick wins every time!" Celestia boasts.
"It seems your stick can regenerate just as well as I can," Cell observes. "No matter, though. If it cannot fight back, than I automatically win for throwing the first punch!"
"By that logic," Celestia says, "if the stick cannot be defeated, than it automatically wins for withstanding the first punch."
"The rulers are to defeat the opponent, not to withstand," Cell reminds her.
"The rules are whoever wins, not however one wins," Celestia corrects him.
"Than we are at a standstill," Cell sighs. "But I will allow you to choose your second strongest fighter--"
Luna suddenly unzips Cell's pants. She sticks her maw inside the open fly to suck on Cell's cock, drunk on his musk. Cell can't believe how good she is at cock sucking. Her tongue wraps around his entire shaft and balls, massaging and lubricating them, while her hot tight maw engulfs him from head to base, base to head, racing back and forth at lightning speed. Cell grabs Luna's mane to help her suck even harder.
"Oh my Zeno, you're amazing!" Cell exclaims. "Don't stop sucking until you've emptied my balls!"
"Mmmmm," Luna replies, hungry for Cell's veiny pulsating member.
Drool and cum mix together as they erupt from Luna's mouth and run down her neck. Luna briefly unwraps her maw from around Cell's genitalia to to lick and nibble on the schlong - first circling about the head, then licking and nibbling down the length to the base, then back up again, and swallows the dong whole. Luna slurps and suckles on Cell as hard as she can, deepthroating him with intense fury. She wants all of his seed inside of her, so she milks him the way only a mare knows how to do a stallion.
"Fuck me," Cell moans. "I may not destroy Equestria at this rate."
"R-really?" Twilight asks.
"No!" Cell moans, cumming again. "But this bitch knows how to eat her meat."
An hour passes before Luna, exhausted, reluctantly stops blowing Cell. Cell bends over, gasping for air from the powerful blowjob. His balls shrivel up, completely spent of semen. Celestia suddenly shoots a laser beam at Cell and Luna. If only Luna hadn't zapped him of all of his energy, he could use her as a shield now; was this Celestia's plan all along? Celestia puts a force field around everything except Cell and the laser beam blasts Cell out of the galaxy, through a blackhole, and back into the Universe from whence he came. Luna's big "No" echoes throughout the vast reaches of outer spaces.
That night, after Canterlot Castle's repair, Celestia holds a party in the royal mess hall in celebration of a stick beating Cell in the fight. Every creature in Equestria comes to the party. Luna drowns her tears in fifty buckets of ice cream, while Celestia tries to comfort her. Cell, meanwhile, clones himself and has his clone turn into Luna.
