The Wrong End of the Baton

“Oh, for fucks sake Skittles...” a husky woman's voice breathed out in a decidedly sexy and altogether frustrated voice. “We talked about this yesterday” And the day before truth be told, in fact four days this week and it was only Wednesday.

Before we go any further it should be mentioned that next week was in fact the anniversary of my arrival in horse land. One moment I was walking down Greys Street with a corned beef pasty in one hand, and girlfriend on the other listening to Lateralus blasting away in my headphones, the next I was tripping over the exposed root of a tree in an apple orchard. Unfortunately that wasn't the only change. Which leads me to now.

Said husky woman's voice came from my own mouth, and the frustration was all too real. Turned out not only had I miraculously transcended time and space, or hopped dimensions or whatever the fuck Brain Horse had mentioned so long ago, I also managed to spontaneously morph in to a horse woman, and Jesus fuck, I'd do me, I'm fucking hot, seriously. Look, don't shoot the messenger here, I was most certainly not a narcissist before I arrived in horse land, I am just stating the facts objectively from a male perspective (which I can do by the way, my brain is still my own thank you very much).

Allow me to describe myself to you. I'm a little above the average height, if I had to guess I would say I am about 5'6, the average seems to be about 5'2 or 5'3, give or take. I'm kind of guessing but these people having evolved civilization entirely independent of the Earth as I know it, have totally different units of measurement, so take that with a pinch of salt (I mean, what the fuck is a hoof?). I have a pale fur coating, strangely about the same colour that the skin was on my 'original' body, but this isn't the thick hide you would have on a dirty farm animal back home, this is a thin delicate silken fur that only protrudes about a milimetre or so. Aside from that I have an incredibly luxurious dark brown mane that cascades down to my shoulders but grows naturally like a mohican, like those dumb footballers all seemed to have a few years ago, but with the flowing length to make it fall down in a gentle curve. I am slender and long of leg (digitigrade feet sadly, that took a while to get used to, going down stairs will never be the same, also hooves are a bitch to balance on), my tail almost reaches the floor and sweeps up at the end in a graceful curl, and I am told that my over large green eyes are 'enchanting' (seriously, somehorse actually said that). Aside from the major differences though, if you whacked some veet on my fur and got me some dark shades I would almost look human. I do not have a horse face or muzzle, I am actually pretty pleased about that. My ears, although lacking lobes and slightly pointed at the top are familiar. My teeth are your average run of the mill omnivores, not those terrifying square horse teeth from back home. I have two arms and two legs, ending in almost familiar extremities. (three fingers and a thumb on each hand, that also took some getting used to) I have a svelte figure with thin waist tapering gently to flaring hips that a super model would be proud of, and a pair of perky breasts that were perfectly proportioned to my feminine body, nothing huge, just a nice pair of pear shaped C cups I reckon (total guess I could never work out cheb sizes, they are either too big, too small or just right). Oh yeah, and wings. Cant forget them.

I also have a big knob and bollocks.

I am not even joking, this is the reason that I have managed to get along ok, because really, my gender hasn't changed as such. Well I suppose it has, but being entirely emasculated would be going too far. I have a big knob and bollocks therefore I am still a man (fuck you). Dare I say it, but I am actually a lot more man down there than I was a year ago. Aside from the flattened tip I am probably a good 9 or 10 inches now 'on the flop', at the moment I am sporting a massive morning wood, add another girthy 3 or 4 inches to that. My bollocks are a generous handful too, with the same downy fur that covers the rest of my body making them feel like particularly luxurious tennis balls. I am not going to mention at this point the frilly lips and clit nestled just behind them where my gooch should be though, they don't exist. Or at least I keep trying to tell myself that.

Which brings me back to now.

Its morning... Well, yeah, considering that the sun rose several hours ago not technically morning (I'm a night owl, sue me) its probably nearer eleven or something but its morning for me, OK?. Anyway, I am drowsing lazily with a massive stonk on, I have probably leaked a bit of pre on the sheets, I can smell it clearly with my horse nose. I am a bit tired, probably a little bit hungover after the party last night (Ponk horse can throw a mean party) and I am rudely awakened by Rainbow horse spooning me in my bed. She definitely was not here last night, I did not drink that much, so that's a certainty. Her cherry toothpaste scented breath washes over my face, and her tongue laps softly at my cheek.

“Hey” her scratchy, but also admittedly sexy voice whispers in to my ear, “ready for the most awesome wake up call ever?” she said before pressing her nose to my mane and giving me a couple of quick sniffs.

My attention is drawn down to my nethers and a sigh escapes me, her meaty knob is hotdogging my flaps and spearing betwixt my balls.

She has been like this ever since I gave her a good railing months ago.

Now I labour under no assumptions that back on my Earth I was some kind of sex god. Its just humanity has learned to savour the more carnal acts, we don't get nasty as often as horse people do. Every time I had a good shag I always wanted the woman on the end of my knob to have a good time, I mean who wants to go back for another shitty shag? The first rule of hospitality is that the customers needs always come first, and if you cum first your shag isn't getting what she needs, and if she doesn't get what she needs why the hell would she come back for more. Its basic physics. Or something.

Now imagine if you will:

Horseland is a society of furries, clothing for the most part is entirely optional. You will see more flesh (fur) than at the Playboy mansion just walking to the market, and fuck me, a mostly agrarian lifestyle and no cars means the average citizen gets a whole lot more exercise. Most horse people here are hot, its not just me being a fucking model here, any of these people could probably walk down the catwalk (horsewalk?) in Paris and not look out of place.

Also; everyhorse has a big knob and bollocks.

Which means that on top of wearing very little clothing due to the fur on their bodies (and I suppose mine too) everyhorse has the same danglies and undercarriage too. There literally isn't anything you haven't seen before on show.

Which further leads to there not really being any kind of taboo related to being nude.

Which leads to any taboo related to the body such as that I now posses never evolving, unlike on Earth.

Which leads to a society of almost constantly naked horses, with hot bodies, toned asses and nice tits not having any kind of societal stigma relating to sex.

Which finally leads to a very horny society of horse people who have flaps, as well as knobs and balls, who take turns railing each other heartily and with much gusto, and everyone gets off. All they have to do it take it a bit, then give a bit. Everyone has a healthy orgasm in the end, and everyone is happy.

'Staying the course' isn't really a thing, nobody is at a sexual disadvantage here, everyone has a healthy sexual appetite and everyone ends their sex in a satisfactory manner.

So bring in an ex human male, slap his consciousness in to a horse hermaphrodite and a lifetime of societal conditioning and what do you have? Well I'll tell you what you have, you have poor old me waking up with a massive knob hotdogging your flaps and balls, attached to a blue horse with Rainbow mane and cherry toothpaste breath wanting to return the favour of the mind-blowing orgasm you inflicted on aforementioned shemale's abused cunt by rattling her constantly for a good ten minutes (TEN MINUTES! Seriously, they can barely go for two!)

And s/he wont fucking give up!

Not to mention that my end of the 'awesome' cunt smashing was an admittedly angry one prompted by aforementioned horse sheman laughing her/his perky little tits off when I explained that I was terrified of heights, no amount of explaining that humans 'flying' under their own power generally resulted in human pizza got her to understand. (fuck it I'm using feminine pronouns, they all have tits, I am going to use male for me because; 'fuck off' that's why) A bit of angry wrestling later and two stiff knobs and I have her on her back and my dick going at her. That certainly shut her up.

I can forgive her pushiness though I suppose. Rape isn't really a thing here. I mean that literally, it isn't a thing. Nobody says 'no' I mean, why bother? It is one of the most popular pastimes among horse people unless they are in their heat cycle. There are no sexually transmitted diseases. There is no risk of pregnancy unless one is in heat, and nobody propositions a horse in heat (horse nose picks this up a mile off) as it is accepted that only their partner will rattle their bones during their cycle. And I don't mean it is 'generally accepted' I mean it just doesn't happen, at all. So why would anyone say no? Everyone has a bit of fun, has a satisfying orgasm and then goes to the cafe for a nice cup of darjeeling.

Then I come along with my male brain, and a munt behind my balls that I am trying to ignore to the best of my ability. I give a mind meltingly good (by horse standards) railing to Danger Horse and she wants to return the favour. Of course I could just let her slip it in, but fuuuu. My brain wont let me. I have had a real dirty girlfriend in the past who would do anything. Anything. But I draw the line at ass play. Sorry, not interested, never gave it, never want to receive it. No way. Pegging isn't my thing. I don't want anything pushed in to an exit, I don't want to push anything in to an exit either. Never even been tempted, that's just nasty you epic pervert. Now put my mind in to hermaphrodite horse and my brain tells me YOU SHALL ONLY GIVE AND NEVER RECEIVE.

Now objectively I know that I have different plumbing down there and its not my ass that's going to be stretched out, but my mind just cant take the leap. Its too foreign. I still have a knob and a healthy pair of balls so there being a vag down there doesn't really compute.

Speedy Horse does not understand this in the slightest.

She just wants to give me the pounding that her brain tells her that she should be giving me, I mean, its common courtesy, isn't it?.

It's a situation that thus far I have been able to avoid from any of these crazy horse people who I have had a ride of, and I am not bragging, I have had my end away more in the last year than I did in the entirety of my previous twenty seven years.

I have taken to 'batting away' this attention in a particular way.

“I know I have explained this to you before you crazy horse woman” I sighed, twisting my torso to look over my shoulder at her.

“Hey” she shot back “and we have all told you we are Ponies, say after me; Pee Oh En Eye Ee Es”

“Yeah yeah, look, fish your knob out of my crack will you” she let out a resigned sigh before drifting backwards a little. “Come on Rainbow, you know how weird this makes me feel”

“Yeah, but look; you are a Pony now Brian, get with the program champ, it's just getting to be weird now. I mean everypony wants to hit dat ass” she said tilting her head in the direction of my perfectly formed posterior. "Ponies are going to want some of that sooner or later buddy, I know I'm not the only one, Twi is beside herself"

Another sigh escaped me before I rolled over on to my back, rod tenting the thin bed sheets. “Rainbow”

“hmph” she turned over showing me her back and her pretty blue wings fluttering. “look, I just want to show you how good it is to have a load blasted in you, everypony does, AJ is harbouring a constant semi around you, Rarity wants in your flaps. even Flutters is in the line, Twi is getting pretty worked up about it, I mean you are living in her castle and she hasn't even stuck it in you once, she thinks she has done something to upset you! I'm not even going to mention Pinkie”

“Nobody's stiffed me Dashie” I admitted "and I don' think anyone will" I said as I started to stroke her mane down to the base of her neck, her breathing slowed a little, horse people love that for some reason, it just makes me feel weird.

“Come on, you have to try it at least once? I know you will love it”

“Dash” another sigh

“Just... Just will you tell me if you do?” she said with a vulnerability I was never expecting as she turned over again and rested on her knees, ass in the air and her torso flat on the bed. Say what you will about horse people, but they are super flexible. Her hand snaked to me and gave my dick a tentative little stroke. "Let me be your first?"

“Yeah, you know I will” I said genuinely. Primarily because Speedy Horse had the smallest knob I had seen so far, apart from the younger horses but I'm not some fucking sicko. If I ever have to be on the receiving end of a horse knob I suppose Swift Horse is probably the best bet, 'only' a solid 9 inches fully erect, nothing like that monstrous Big Mac.

She graced me with a little smile as I rose up and moved behind her. She may be a pushy little cock slut, she is a real cutie when she doesn't want to be. Don't ever tell her she is a cutie though or she will be gracing you with her 'awesome' for a solid half day, there is no escape.

“Thanks Brian, I look forward to it”

I let out an involuntary cringe as I thrust in to her silken depths in one practiced thrust, my bollocks clacking against hers. Thankfully she was assuming 'the position' her face buried in a pillow so she didn't see, try as I might I could not get the picture of the Newtons Cradle a former boss of mine had out of my mind. I decided to distract myself a little as I started to thrust just the way she likes, deep and hard. I lay my chest on her silky soft wings and my arms snaked around her torso to grasp and fondle her perfect little titties, twisting her nipples to get her to let out that sexy little squeak she always does.

I let my pace increase a little but kept driving down in to her in rhythmic motions, trying to keep the strokes of my cock brushing against her g-spot. She was panting now but this was hardly anything new, I was already beyond what a normal horse woman could give out. Needless to say she was already moving her hips back to meet me half way in a semi gyrating motion, the dirty little strumpet liked to be pummelled like a cheap whore so I wasn't going to leave her hanging. But what really blew her mind was the gradual increase in pace as I kept at it.

So I kept at it.

And kept at it some more.

Having lots of sex with my mentality was an exceedingly good way of getting very, very good at giving a good railing to an unsuspecting vag. Speedy Horse was no unsuspecting vag, but by now she had no defences to my steady hammering.

“aaaaAAAHHHHHHNNNNN”

I picked up the pace and her legs started shaking and tummy started convulsing, thankfully unlike some other horse people she wasn't a gusher so my sheets weren't going to be ruined, I wasn't anywhere near my limits yet either so I pulled out and flipped her over and dashed (pardon the pun) my lips to hers. There was an uncomfortable moment when my dick stroked against the length of hers but I managed to snuff out any weird thoughts. Our tongues met in a dance that I quickly won, fresh from her orgasm her mind wasn't really in the game.

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear. Rainbow Dash is fucking Hot with a capital H. Totally in my strike zone. She has a perfect athletic figure, the kind of figure that takes Work with a capital W. Fucking her brains out is an absolute pleasure. One that I wasn't even remotely finished with yet.

I broke the kiss and looked down at her, trying to not look too far down to the stiff rod resting on her chiseled abs. Her chest rose and fell at a steady clip and her eyes gave me a satisfyingly half lidded glance. I pulled myself up a little and placed my hands at either side of her head.

“Look, Rainbow, if I am too much for you I can go and get Fashion Horse to come and finish me off” I said as I gave flashed her a shit eating grin.

Another thing about Rapid Horse is that she is tragically afflicted with a terminal case of competitiveness. Literally any crap you come out with can turn in to a challenge with the correct phrasing.

“H-hey!” as her eyes sparkled “You know I'm just getting started too!”

“Oh really?” I said as I speared her petals again in one tortuously slow movement, ignoring the eventual resting place of her nuts on my lower body.

“yES!” she said as her voice seemed to jump up an octave mid word.

“Yeah, that's what I thought” I punctuated my sentence with a withdrawal and another deep thrust, slowly starting back to the rhythmic pounding that I had been giving her previously from behind. I snaked my weirdly flexible neck down and took a nibble of an exposed dark blue nipple earning another cute as fuck girlish squeak as my pace picked up again. I wasn't letting this harlot go until I had made a thorough mess of her flaps and battered her insides with my fuck muck. If I had my way she would be a flying rain cloud all day, poor fuckers who walked under her would be having an extra glorpy shower.

She was beginning to have real trouble now, honestly I didn't usually count the amount of orgasms I inflicted on the horses I stuffed these days. At the beginning when I was new here it was a point of pride, going to it with a girl and her having multiple orgasms was just so damn sexy. Who doesn't like having sex with a lass who gets really fucking in to it. But when its so easy it no longer is a case of how many times, but how long she takes to recover, and if I had my way Racy Horse would be in a coma for a week once I was done with her.

So I kept at it, kept getting faster. Her lady lips were practically dripping now with a combination of my pre and her own juices, maybe my assumption the sheets would not be ruined was a little premature. I luxuriated in the delicious feeling of her sex wrapped around my dick, I knew it would speed me up a little but nobody needs to think about their fat ugly auntie to last longer when your stamina is 'extraordinary'. The quiver of her toned stomach could be felt down to her tunnel, I switched the nipple nibbling to her other tit then snaked pinching bites up her chest then neck then ear not ceasing my hammering motions for a moment. I could feel myself getting closer but I absolutely had to trash this rainbow horse today like I never had before. I bit a little harder on her ear as she let out a whinnying cry, it was so fucking sexy I didn't know what to do. And I honestly do not know why my right hand descended to her rock solid shaft. Furthermore I certainly couldn't tell you why my own dick hardened a little more in sympathy.

I could never explain why my hand started pumping up and down on her rigid shaft.

Look, I know what you are thinking, but it definitely is NOT gay. Nope. I was just thrusting away at her silky nethers having the time of my life. I was NOT wanking off a fella.

Fuuuu, I was wanking off Fast Horse.

And the worst thing was that I really couldn't stop even if I tried.

Even her breathy gasp as my fingers encircled her meaty phallus didn't break me from my reverie. I was too far gone, and too close.

Unwittingly my pace went from 60 to 160 in no seconds flat. I do not know how I kept up the movement of my hips and hand on her shaft in time with each-other but there was just something about the juxtaposition of an incredibly sexy woman underneath me and a big meaty knob in my hand. It was so gloriously weird I could feel my tip start to flare.

I have had many orgasms when in Horse Land, I have had all different kinds of sex, gentle and loving, fast and needy, greedy and angry, but this one orgasm was like something I had never experienced before. Consciously I knew I was indoors, in a bed, with a friend who honestly, I fucking loved. Not love love but that kind of familiar love between two close friends, or fuck buddies, friends who fuck? Whatever.

But in a moment my mind was transported to a sunny meadow, the glorious release of my glans was greeted by the fluffy clouds parting and a chorus of angels singing 'hallelujah'. Rope after rope of viscous spaff fumigated her quivering lady parts, it seemed to last forever, or perhaps for a moment that didn't end.

Then I was brought back crashing down to earth (or Horse Land) when a earthshaking scream “AHAAAAAAHHHHH” blasted out my eardrums, then something else blasted out all over the bottom of my hanging tits. Then and only then did I realise that I had wanked off a nice big dick all over my own tits.

There was a moment of silence, i closed my eyes, took a deep breath.

Praise be to whichever god or gods Speedy Horse was out, snoring up a storm with a contented smile on her face.

This was one of the things I had promised I would never do. I had given a nice 'old fashioned' to a ladyboy. Squirted hermaphrodite unguent all over my generous globes.

And.....

Honestly.

I was not even disgusted. Perhaps this was going to be the moment that I finally gave myself to being a pony, fully and truthfully.

I scooped a glob of the ropey gloop and brought it toward my face. I mean, if I am gonna.. maybe I should just get on with it? A stupid grin plastered itself on my face, yeah I can do this. I gave it a tentative sniff. Smells like banana?

Then I realised what I was doing, and that yes, that is totally gay, and that no; I am not gay. My face turned in to a frown and my shoulders huffed.

Time for a shower.

I climbed out of bed and slapped the sexy clapped out horse arse as she rolled on to her side. “Yeh nasty fuckin' jizzin' bint” I said as I leaned down and gave her a little kiss on the cheek. She responded with a cute little huff in her sleep.

And that's the story about the first time I wanked off a horse.