Fizzlepop's Number One Assistantby milesprower06Chapters101 Questions You Had About Assisting But Were Afraid To AskThe History of the AssistantHelp Wanted...?A Glowing IssueA Unicorn and a Hedgehog Walk Into A Castle...Grubber's PlaceEpilogue101 Questions You Had About Assisting But Were Afraid To AskThe haze of the slumbering realm was lifted from around Grubber as he slowly woke to a claw poking him. "Come on Grubber, time to get up. Rise and shine." He heard Spike say. "I can't believe you get up this early when you don't have an early morning raid scheduled." He grumbled, throwing the blanket aside as he got up out of the small bed that Fizzlepop had set up right next to her bed in her bedroom. Spike scoffed. "Heh, if you think this is early, then you're definitely going to have a hill to climb." The dragon replied. Grubber glanced up at the clock on Fizzlepop's nightstand, and saw that it was 8:00 in the morning... And also saw that Fizzlepop was nowhere to be found, and her bed had been expertly made. "Yeesh, I slept through her alarm clock and her making her bed? 'Hill to climb' is right." Grubber said as he walked over to the base of the nightstand and opened the bottom drawer, which Fizzlepop had cleared out for his use. He pulled out a clean shirt, similar to the one he had with the Storm Corps insignia, but now thanks to Rarity, he now had five with the six-pointed purple star, the insignia of Princess Twilight's Kingdom of Friendship. It was a belated and custom-made Hearth's Warming gift. "No sweat; I still oversleep at times, and I've been assisting Princess Twilight for years. But you wanted a crash course in becoming an assistant, so let's get started." Spike replied, and together, the two of them left the bedroom and made their way down to the dining hall. It had been roughly two weeks since he had come into Ponyville during the town's Hearth's Warming Celebration. Not too long after that, Equestria had rung in a new year. As a considerable portion of the town was made up of farmers, a lot of them were taking time off. The population annually dropped around this time of year when farmers took family vacations to warmer destinations like Las Pegasus or Appleloosa, which now had a budding tourism industry. But for others in town, life went on as normal. One group in particular was Major Fizzlepop Berrytwist and her E.U.P. Royal Guards for the town. After a tearful reunion on Hearth's Warming Eve, Fizzlepop had done her best to make him feel at home, but she could only do so much before she had to return her attention to her station. It hadn't even been a week before Grubber started feeling restless; apparently, one could have too much spongecake before you began to go stir-crazy. In his trips to and from the kitchen and attempting to get a better claw on the layout of the castle, he noticed Spike in his role of Princess Twilight Sparkle's assistant, and had asked him to show him the ropes, hoping that he could fall into a similar role with Fizzlepop, just like the old days. Spike had cleared his schedule for the day, and now here they were. But how did one assist the Captain of the Guard? What were the key differences between the Storm Corps and the Ponyville E.U.P? Getting up earlier was apparently the first step, and it was something he was going to have to work on. "So how does she usually start her day?" Grubber asked as the two of them ate their spongecake breakfast, Spike's with a topping of gem dust. "At 6:30 in the morning, or 'zero-six-thirty' in military time. They start with morning role call, then PT, or physical training, and the night watch is usually relieved after that." Spike answered. "So what is she usually doing now?" "Hm... Quarter after eight... I believe she'd be down in the barracks with the squad members not on watch for sparring practice." The 'barracks' was comprised of almost half of the castle basement, re-purposed for E.U.P. use. Down here, her squad could maintain their armor pieces with a forge, catch forty winks if they didn't feel like walking home after a shift, and frequently drilled and sparred with each other in the training room. Training sessions had initially taken place in the library, but Fizzlepop had quickly felt that they deserved an area of their own. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, they were passed by two departing night watchponies, who gave curt nods as they ascended to the ground floor. They didn't get too much farther down the slowly curving hall before they heard sounds of fighting. Grubber followed Spike up to the door, and the dragon momentarily turned to him before opening the door. "I'm sure they won't mind if we watch. Let's just stay against the wall and stay out of the way." He told the hedgehog, before quietly opening the door and the duo slipped inside. Indeed, the outer edge of the circular room was ringed with a dozen E.U.P. guards who were standing at parade rest. Grubber spotted Tempest in the center of the room. He wasn't sure if she noticed them come in, because the attention of the resting guards were on the pair of pegasi in the center of the room; Captain Rainbow Dash and Commander Thunderlane, who were currently in the middle of a sparring match. They, in addition to the rest of the guards present, were in full gear, and they seemed to have a... Shimmer about them. "Did they dip themselves in hoof polish or something?" Grubber whispered to the dragon, just loud enough to be heard over the periodic clang of spears that they each held. "Nope. Shielding spell, compliments of their Battlemage. It minimizes injuries while still letting them use full contact maneuvers." Spike replied, subtly nodding over to the heliotrope unicorn who stood next to Tempest, horn faintly glowing. Instead of platemail, she wore a cloak with the E.U.P. colors. Grubber was certainly no stranger to sparring practice. He and Tempe- err, Fizzlepop, had participated in drilling the Storm Corps for months in preparation for the invasion of Equestria. It was the best way to keep soldiers at their best, and prepared at all times. Both Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash were incredibly agile. Every swing of the spear was either dodged or countered by the other. Grubber gathered that the goal was to make contact with your opponent's body. Rainbow tightly gripped her spear with her left hoof. Keeping her eyes on Thunderlane's spear, she faked a lunge to the right, then as she began to turn around, she tossed her spear up, and her right wing caught it as she completed the rapid 360-degree turn, and it was enough to catch Thunderlane off guard, who couldn't get his spear in place quickly enough, and the front end of Rainbow's spear slammed into his left side. His shield crackled, but Grubber was wondering how exactly it protected as the blow was enough to knock Thunderlane on his side, and quickly found the tip of Rainbow's spear inches from his muzzle. 'Eeesh, wouldn't want to be him right now...' Grubber thought to himself. The room was quiet for only a second as Rainbow retracted her spear and smirked at Thunderlane before offering a hoof to him. As she helped him to his hooves, the room erupted in thundering hooves as the rest of the squad applauded the match. Thunderlane seemed no worse for wear as he accepted a hoof bump from the cyan pegasus. Grubber assumed that the shields protected from piercing injury, but allowed the full transfer of momentum from weapons. Incredibly effective, he surmised. But what he didn't understand was the applause and encouragement. In the Storm Corps, the losers were subjected to lashes, or the most menial of tasks such as scrubbing the decks, and they were also last to get food. But here, Thunderlane and Rainbow shared friendly banter as they left the center circle, and two more squad members took their place. Spike was right. Clearly, he had a lot to learn. Author's Note Well, I'm going to go ahead and file this story into the 'I have no idea if this will go anywhere nor where it will go' drawer. As always, perhaps suggestions and conversation with my awesome readers will stir my creative juices. This chapter has been on the back burner of my brain for awhile, and I finally pushed myself to get it written. But again, no idea what to do next. Thanks for reading! The History of the Assistant"So how did everything start with you? You've been with Princess Twilight for years now, right?" Grubber asked as the two of them left the training room and headed further down the hall, towards the forge. "Well, I guess you could say years, but it was actually my entire life. Hatching my egg was Twilight's test for initiation into the School for Gifted unicorns. Princess Celestia never did say where she got my egg, or why she needed magic to hatch it, but after seeing what life is like in the dragon lands, I'm not exactly complaining." "So a student took care of you?" The hedgehog asked, as they turned right into forge. "As well as she could. Her studies came first, so anytime her work started piling up, Princess Celestia would take me off of her hooves. It wasn't often though. Once I got old enough, I helped Twilight stay organized through her studies to start earning my keep once she got her own private study on school grounds. Kept lesson plans in order, kept her personal library organized, things like that. Probably the best convenience I brought was my dragon breath; Twilight and Princess Celestia could communicate through me via fire-delivered letters." The forge was dimly lit, a pair of torches in wall sconces, the coal pit, and the opening of the smelter were the only light sources in this 12'x12' room, and they were all enchanted with tard ignis, compliments of the major herself, which allowed them to burn steadily and constantly for two weeks straight before they needed replacing. Against the left wall, there were several anvils, grindstones, and workbenches, enough to amply supply three ponies with everything they needed to work on their armor pieces and weapons... ...And everything in here was well above the heads of the dragon and hedgehog occupants. "Huh. I'd need a stepladder to be able to reach anything in here..." Grubber surmised, quickly coming to the conclusion that this wasn't the place to lend a claw. Now he wondered if his diminutive stature was going to be something of a hindrance. "So how did the two of you end up in Ponyville?" Grubber asked, turning around to exit the forge. The heat wasn't a bother to Spike, but to the fur covered hedgehog, it was only bearable for a few moments. "Princess Celestia sent her to oversee the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Unbeknownst to her at the time, it was a cover for introducing her to who are now her five best friends, whom Celestia believed would help her fulfill the Prophecy of the Mare in the Moon. At first, she tried to get through the checklist as fast as she could so she could research the prophecy further in the library, but Pinkie Pie had beaten her there, and had planned a surprise party. Half the town showed up. They celebrated through the night, much to Twilight's annoyance, but come sunrise, or what was supposed to be sunrise, the first part of the prophecy was fulfilled, and Nightmare Moon returned after one thousand years of banishment in the moon. Twilight and her friends had to journey through the Everfree Forest to get to Celestia and Luna's old castle to find the Elements of Harmony." "That couldn't have been easy." Grubber commented, remember how challenging it had been to scrounge for food in there. "I don't have a firsthand account of that. I was... Uh... Sleeping." Spike said sheepishly, getting a snicker out of the hedgehog. "But they did it. They defeated Nightmare Moon, redeemed Celestia's sister, Luna, and the Summer Sun Celebration continued, with Twilight and her friends inheriting the Elements of Harmony." "So she moved into this castle?" Grubber assumed. "Oh no, that didn't come until later. Ponyville used to have a library built from an enchanted hollowed-out oak tree, that was destroyed when she fought a centaur hellbent on harnessing Equestrian magic. When he was defeated, the Tree of Harmony brought this place straight up out of the ground. Some call it destiny, I call it best construction crew ever." A five-second tour of the bunk room also came up empty. He'd have to do all manner of climbing to make beds and such, and he was pretty certain that Fizzlepop expected her guards who spent their sleeping hours here to make their bed before they left. "Heh, finding things to help out around here for you is so much easier than it is for me." Grubber grumbled as they exited the bunk room and turned to head back upstairs. "Well, I'll chalk that up to the differences between monarchy and military. I had the same growing pains you did from time to time. When she went from student to princess, I went from her lesson plans, to castle event itineraries and answering fan mail, to Starlight's lesson plans, and then, well, since she graduated, back to itineraries and fan mail. But it will be trickier with you, I think. Fizzlepop built her outfit so that individual soldiers can be self-sufficient and reliant. You can't help soldiers the same way you can help a popular princess." Spike explained. "Yeah... Yeah, I guess you're right about that." "Spike! Can I see you a quick second?" The duo heard Princess Twilight's voice call from somewhere up the stairs and around the corner. "Regal as ever... And here I thought I had the day off. I'll be back in a minute, Grubber. Where should I find you?" The dragon asked. "Out front. I could use some fresh air." The dragon and hedgehog reached the top of the stairs and split off in separate directions, with Spike rounding the corner towards Princess Twilight's voice, and Grubber going out the back door, down the stairs, and around the exterior of the castle. As he walked around the east side of the castle, he saw the foundation of a new building being started in the steep hills next to the castle. He had heard through the grapevine that Princess Twilight was planning on opening a school of some kind, and had arranged with the Ponyville weather team to have considerably less snow around the construction site during the winter months. The more he noticed all this progress happening around him, the more he realized he was just standing still, doing the same thing day after day. But as much as he wanted to change that fast, Spike was right; a royal guard platoon was a more complicated puzzle than the castle events and Princess fan letters. Sure, they were flexible and adapted to different challenges, but that didn't mean you could just throw in a new piece from out of town and expect it to fit. So as he sat on the railing of the front steps and watched Commander Rivet start directing his construction team's progress of the new school foundation, Grubber wondered where and how he would fit into Major Fizzlepop's puzzle. Author's Note Alright, after letting some ideas simmer for a couple more days, I believe I know what I want to do with this story. But, as always, the tricky part isn't the destination, but the journey. My weakest writing element has always been fluff. I'd rather not post 500-word chapters going from key scene to key scene. Hopefully I can figure out a way to make it flow somewhat smoothly. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy! Help Wanted...?"Ugh. And here I thought a day off meant you have to find your own misplaced books..." Spike grumbled as he came out of the front doors of the castle, seeing Grubber on the front railing, content to watch the construction taking place east of the castle. "Ah, I see you've found the future School of Friendship. Twilight says it's going to look amazing when it's finished. Hopefully by this August. In fact, I think today she's writing invitations to Princess Celestia, Prince Rutherford, Queen Novo, Princess Ember, and King Thorax to see if they have any prospective students they'd like to send at the end of the summer." "It should be interesting having so many different creatures in one place. So, what's next?" "Well, if she sticks to her schedule, spoiler alert, she does, she'll be heading into town to have a quick meeting with Mayor Mare, so we've actually got a little time to ourselves. Knowing us, we could get together an early lunch if you like." As if on cue, the front doors opened and Fizzlepop came down the front steps, with saddlebags strapped to the back of her chestplate. "Good morning, you two. Taking in Twilight's new school?" She asked, stopping at the bottom of the stairs to greet the hedgehog and dragon. "Yep. We're just taking a short breather." "Breather? From what?" "Spike's showing me the basics of being an asssistant. I'm hoping to fit in somewhere with your squad!" Grubber exclaimed, standing up on the railing excitedly. "O...oh. Is that so?" Fizzlepop asked, doing a quick check of her composure. "Don't worry. We'll make sure to stay out of the way." Spike reassured her. "I see. I'm just headed out for my weekly meeting with the mayor. Say, Spike, could I talk to you for a quick second? Just a few quick pointers." Fizzlepop said, continuing her trot down the road towards town. "Sure. Hey Grubber, meet you in the kitchen?" "You got it, Spike." The hedgehog answered, hopping off the banister and headed back inside while Spike caught up with Fizzepop. "So, I appreciate the sentiment, Spike, but I'm not exactly concerned with you being in the way. When were you thinking of telling me? This squad thrives on efficient communication." "He came to me with the idea just a few days ago. I figured we'd get an idea of your routine, then come up with some ways of how he could fit in." Spike explained. "And how's that coming so far?" "Honestly, not that great. Twilight's right; you and your squad are extremely self-sufficient." "A fact that I continue to take pride in. Spike, even if I don't need one, I'm not sure I want Grubber trying to assist me." Spike wasn't exactly expecting a reply like that, and it showed in his expression. "Um, why not?" "It's complicated. But I think it's best to nip this in the bud before he ends up putting in a lot of effort just to be disappointed. Since you're the one that entertained this idea, I'd appreciate it if you found some way to un-entertain it." With that, Major Fizzlepop was on her way into town, leaving a rather perplexed Spike in front of the castle. As he made his way back inside towards the dining room, he suddenly wasn't sure this was such a great idea. In the five minutes that since Grubber had gone back inside and Fizzlepop had given Spike a wake up call, the dragon honestly wasn't sure how to handle this situation. He knew the best solution was probably to tell him straight out, but he wanted to try and let Grubber down easy. By the time he got to the dining room, he saw Grubber coming out of the swinging doors to the kitchen, having already put together a plate of nachos, covered in steaming hot liquid cheese, and what looked like half a garden's worth of vegetable toppings. "Come on, dig in." Grubber said, hopping up on the closest chair and set the plate down on the table. "Listen, Grubber," Spike began, coming up and taking a seat on the chair next to the hedgehog's. "I feel I really have to re-emphasize the difference between royal routine and military routine. Have you given any thought about what you'd like to do if Major Fizzlepop can't find a spot for you?" "Um, I mean, kinda, since this morning's dime tour of the barracks. But I figured I'd cross that bridge when we came to it. I'd rather not be pessimistic about this whole thing." Grubber said, taking a small handful of nachos and biting into them. "Don't confuse pessimism with realism, or realistic expectations. If you constantly expect just one outcome, the chances of disappointment are pretty high. It'll be fantastic if she can find a spot for you, but it wouldn't hurt to have a backup plan or two." "Yeah, I guess you're right." Grubber admitted. "If you like, I can see if Twilight is available to talk to, see what she thinks." Spike said, grabbing a cheese-and-veggie covered chip and popped it in his mouth. "Mmm, not bad. Not bad at all." Author's Note Writing is a lot like cooking. Sometimes, you dump everything into one pot, and it heats up immediately and tastes terrific. Like when I can somehow write 10,000+ words in the span of a week and bombard your feeds with chapter updates. Then there are times like this. Stir, simmer. Stir, simmer. Stir, simmer. Sometimes the ingredients take a little time to blend together in just the right way, so apologies for the shorter chapter. Thanks for reading! A Glowing Issue"Alright, wait out here, and I'll see if she has a few minutes." Spike told Grubber as the duo stood outside Twilight's private study, which was just off from the castle's main library. The dragon knocked twice, then slipped inside, closing the door behind him. He found Princess Twilight at her desk, papers shuffled around the surface, and a clipboard currently in her magical grasp. Currently behind her desk was a sizable map, which included Equestria as well as the lands beyond its borders. "Hey there, Twilight. I was hoping you have a few minutes, we're in need of some Princess-ly friendship advice." Spike said, coming up to the desk. "Yeah, I could use a break from this anyway, I've been at it since sunrise." Twilight replied, setting her clipboard down. "So what's up? I thought you wanted the day off to hang with Grubber." "I did, and that's why I'm here. He's waiting just outside. He wanted me to show him around and get an idea of Major Fizzlepop's routine, because I'm pretty sure he's hoping to be her assistant like I am to you." Spike began to explain. "Huh, you know, I couldn't really picture her offloading any of her daily routine onto him." Twilight told him. "Yeah, that's half of our problem. We toured the barracks, and didn't really find anything he could help out with. But secondly, she got wind of it about a half-hour ago, and she isn't warming up to the idea. Like, at all; said it 'was complicated', but asked me to nip it in the bud before he sets himself up for disappointment. I'm kinda hoping you can help me let him down easy." Spike requested. "Well, I'll see what I can do. Send him in, I'll talk to him, just the two of us." The Princess of Friendship told him. With that, Spike turned around, returned to the door, and waved Grubber in. They passed each other in the doorway, and Spike closed the door behind Grubber as he walked up to Twilight's desk and climbed up on the chair in front of it to take a seat. "Good afternoon, Grubber. How've you been liking Ponyville so far?" Twilight asked him as an icebreaker. "A lot better than the Everfree Forest, I'll give you that, Princess." "Just Twilight will be fine. I'm not as into titles as Major Fizzlepop is. Speaking of Fizzlepop, Spike tells me you'd like to be her assistant. I take it you two have some history before you came to Equestria?" "Yeah, I guess you could call it that. I mean, we kinda looked out for each other." "If there's a story behind it, I'm all ears, Grubber." "Well, back in the Storm Corps, I was just a lackey with everyone else ten times my size; an extra pair of eyes that the Storm King made second-in-command because he knew I was too cowardly to try to pull what my predecessor did. That was it; it didn't get me any more respect or admiration. But then she came along. We chased after her when she got her hooves on some enchanted stone. I was amazed at her magic, her abilities for how small she was, and knew the Storm King would be too. I arranged the introduction, and it immediately propelled her into a position of authority. Part of me wanted to be jealous that I was now under her, but another part of me didn't care because, well, she was the first one to treat me with any kind of respect. The difference wasn't night and day, mind you, but she made me feel like a valued part of her team. If it's possible, I'd like to go back to something like that. But, you know, without the whole 'conquering' thing." "I see," Twilight replied. "Well, right now, she, along with Spike, really can't figure out a place for you to fit in. But I've seen her build her squad from the ground up. I promise you, that if she finds a good spot for you, she'll let you know. And if she can't, I promise that I'll also try to find a place for you to fit in around here. It can be tricky, especially with the culture shock you must have been experiencing these past couple weeks, so I definitely sympathize with you there. Just take it one day at a time, and you'll do fine." Grubber smiled up at her. "Thanks Pri- err, Twilight." He thanked her, and she smiled with a nod as he got down and walked out of the room. With that taken care of for now, she returned her focus to the invitation letters on her desk, as well as the regional map behind her. It was an awful lot to do in eight months, and she was also a bit nervous about the construction timetable for the school, but Commander Rivet had given her his every assurance that things would remain at or ahead of schedule. She was about to return to penning the latest invitation letter when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the walls of the room shimmering in an upward pattern. "That only means one thing..." Twilight said, setting the letters down again, getting up herself and leaving the room, trotting down to the throne room. Indeed, the friendship map was activated, and a single cutie mark was floating and revolving around the map's representation of her castle. She came up to the table, and got a closer look. The cutie mark in question was a pair of neon pink and blue exploding fireworks. "Oh..." Twilight commented. She heard the throne room doors open behind her, a throat clearing sound made her turn to see her visitor. "So," Major Fizzlepop began, standing at parade rest. "My flanks just started glowing and tingling in the middle of my meeting with the mayor, and she immediately cut it short and suggested I return here. I take it you know something about it, Princess?" A Unicorn and a Hedgehog Walk Into A Castle..."Yes, I do believe I can help you with that, to a degree. Or, at the very least, tell you what's going on." Twilight told her captain of the guard. For the many months that Fizzlepop had been here, she couldn't believe that the issue of somepony barging into the castle with a glowing cutie mark hadn't come up yet. But now was as a good a time as any. Twilight ushered Fizzlepop towards the table, and pointed at the holographic representation of the castle, with her cutie mark revolving around it. "You, Major Fizzlepop Berrytwist, have a friendship problem." Princess Twilight said succinctly. The orchid unicorn raised her eyebrow suspiciously. "So that's what this thing does? A friendship alert system? How... How is it not going off all the time?" Fizzlepop bewilderingly asked. "You know, I've never thought about it." Twilight answered, walking around to her throne and sat down, shooting a beam of magic at the center of the table, and the holographic projection of the region dissipated from the outer edges and shrunk into a single mote of light in the center, which sunk into the crystal surface. Fizzlepop noticed that since coming within a close proximity of the table, that her cutie marks had stopped glowing. Still, half of her wanted to wholeheartedly listen to Twilight, and the other half wanted to burst out laughing at the ludicrous fact that Equestrians couldn't spot invading forces disguised as storm clouds, but they could apparently spot arguments from half a continent away. "So... Now what?" "Normally, you'd pack a saddlebag and go to wherever the map sends you, but, it's right here, and I've got a pretty good idea of what's going on." "I'm listening, Princess." Fizzlepop told her, standing at parade rest and looking at her from across the room. "Spike has told me that he's been showing Grubber around the castle, and that he's interested in trying to find a way to help you with the Ponyville E.U.P. According to him, you're not exactly comfortable with that idea. I'd just like to get an idea as to why. He said 'it's complicated' was the reason you gave him." "I'll stand by that, yes." "Complicated how?" Twilight asked, and she immediately saw that her captain of the guard was searching for the right words. "Is it... Is it because you feel that it'd be a little too similar to how it was with the Storm King?" Twilight followed up. "It's... It's not that it brings me closer to the past, it's... It's just that I'd prefer to not return to the kind of relationship we had before." "According to him, you were the first meaningful friendship he had in his life. So it's not that farfetched to imagine that he'd want to jump right back in with the pony who first showed him some semblance of respect. Weren't you overjoyed when he found his way to Ponyville on Hearth's Warming Eve?" "Yes, and that's the point. I want him as a friend, not a subordinate. I know we have one of the loosest outfits in the Equestrian E.U.P., but we're all incredibly self-sufficient when it comes to our daily routines. So now this map is saying that I have to find him a place where I don't think he'd be a good fit?" "I didn't say that, and neither did the map. It's not even explicitly saying what the problem is." "It's just that when you first bestowed these duties on me, it was daunting, but overcoming each day's challenges is how I motivated myself to tackle tomorrow. That hasn't changed. I value Grubber's friendship and his input, but I want him to find his own place here." "I... Think I get where you're coming from. It's your decision, Major. I'm not about to dictate who you can and cannot take into your platoon. But I'm pretty sure that this is what the map wants you to figure out. I'd suggest taking a closer look at your friendship with Grubber. Obviously we've all been beating around the bush and just going to third parties. You need to talk with him and let him know how you feel, and go from there." Twilight told her, getting a sigh in return. "I have to honestly say, now that I've witnessed how that table works, I'm not sure I like that thing. Have a friendship problem long enough, and before you know it, you have no semblance of privacy. I'm amazed you don't have advocacy groups banging on your door." Fizzlepop said as she turned to leave. She quickly made the decision to postpone her meeting with the mayor until a later date, and give this friendship problem her full attention. Regardless of her feelings about an omniscient crystal table, she took her feelings about Grubber seriously. He had only been here a couple weeks, and if he was going stir crazy, she wanted to help him fit in, but she wanted it to be in the right way. Grubber deserved to know why she didn't think he would be a good fit being involved in her platoon, so it was just a matter of coming up with the right words. It had taken the better part of the afternoon for Major Fizzlepop to think up what she wanted to say, and now that evening drill had concluded and her squad was fed and either off duty or beginning their night patrols, now she could get a bite to eat herself, and hopefully run into Grubber soon after. But 'soon after' turned into 'immediately' as she entered the dining room, and saw that Grubber was sitting at the table, fork in claw, poking at a salad of some kind. He heard the approaching hoofsteps, and smiled meekly at her. "Hey there, Fizzlepop. Busy day?" He asked, taking a bite of his salad, which appeared to be comprised of mixed greens, almonds, and sliced strawberries, with some type of dressing drizzled atop it all. "An... Interesting day, to say the least, that's for sure." Fizzlepop said, taking a seat next to him, the aroma of his salad hitting her nostrils and nearly making her salivate. "Listen, Grubber. I know you've been wanting to get involved with my squad, and we've all been dancing around with each other, when we should have been talking directly to each other. If I don't think it's a good idea, then I should come right to you and let you know why." Grubber swallowed his current bite of salad, and looked her in the eyes. "Well, I've honestly been afraid of this, but yeah, I should hear you out." "You told Twilight that you constantly felt inadequate in the Storm Corps because of your size; that the Storm King kept you around as nothing more than an insurance policy against another mutiny?" Grubber nodded. "I'm... I'm just afraid that you'd be repeating most of that inadequacy if you tried to force yourself into the Ponyville E.U.P. There's not a lot you can do to help; each and every pony is expected to do their part, from maintaining their armor to keeping their bunk clean. I want you as a friend, Grubber, not a follower. Back when you first showed up on Hearth's Warming Eve, I said I was thrilled to have you here, and that hasn't changed. But I thought of it as a chance for you to discover something new about yourself; a chance at a life that's different from your years with the Storm Corps." Grubber gave her an understanding, yet questioning look. "But, what about you? Have you discovered anything new about yourself? Hope you don't mind me saying, but in a way, you've just swapped out Storm Guards for ponies. You went from military leader to... Military leader." He told her, poking at his salad again, but not taking another bite. "Yes, but a vastly different kind of leader. I don't conquer anymore; I serve Princess Twilight and Ponyville. I don't berate or punish any longer; I encourage and uplift my troops. I can understand how you think it's the same, but it's really not. The friendships I've gained here have given me a new, much more selfless outlook on life, and it's that attitude, and maaaybe a little bit of turning myself into a ship-to-ship projectile, that convinced Queen Novo that I was worthy of her pearl's power. Being able to redeem myself in her eyes, and seeing Hippogriffia rebuilt after what our attack had done to it... That was the best feeling I've had in a long, long time." Grubber had remembered a distinct look of regret on her face as they had surveyed the destruction of the city after the hippogriffs had vanished underwater. "Alright, so I guess it is different. I mean, I appreciate you being honest with me, it takes a really good friend, to tell me straight up like that. If you really don't think I'd fit in with your squad, I'm going to have to accept that. I just wish I knew how to fit in around here. I guess if worse comes to worse, I could enroll in Twilight's school in the fall." He set his fork down on the plate and turned in his chair. "You want this?" He asked, sliding the plate towards her. "I can hear your stomach growling, and this was my second plate, but I'm stuffed." "Thanks, Grubber. I'm sorry if things aren't going like you hoped, but I promise I'm going to use as much of my free time as I need to in order to help you fit in." Grubber smiled, then let out a yawn. "Thanks. Well, I'm gonna go fall into bed early. Night, Fizzlepop." With that, he got down from his chair, and made his way out of the dining room, leaving Major Fizzlepop alone with her secondhand dinner. She was wondering if the problem had really been solved; Twilight said that her cutie mark would start glowing again when the map considered everything taken care of. Not willing to think it over any more on an empty stomach, she took the fork in her magic, got it full of greens and strawberries, and took a bite. "Oh wow, this is really good..." Grubber's PlaceWith a stretch, Grubber opened his eyes and awoke to the poking and prodding of dragon claws. "Come on, Grubber. Get up. I've got a bath getting warmed up for you." He heard Spike tell him as he tossed the covers aside, and winced at the sunrise coming in through the window. He managed to glance at the clock and saw it was 9 AM. "Huh? Bath?" Grubber groaned. "Yep. You've been requested in the throne room, so you've got to look presentable, and you've overslept as it is." Spike told him, practically pushing him out of bed towards the bathroom. Indeed, once they were there and Grubber had his balance on his two feet, the first thing he saw was the bathtub absolutely full of suds, moments before he was lifted up and tossed in with a splash. Needless to say, he was awake now. He had barely popped his head above the water and blew away the surrounding bubbles before Spike was all over him with a brush. "Gonna tell me what this is about?" The hedgehog asked as the dragon worked into his fur with the stiff bristles. "They didn't tell me. Once the clock hit 8:55, they sent me up here and told me to get you ready as soon as possible." It didn't take Spike long. Only a couple minutes cleaning Grubber's coat while the hedgehog took a glob of shampoo and lathered up his white-gray mane that went all the way down his back to his tail. A total of seven minutes later, Spike popped the drain plug out, and Grubber hopped out and shook the excess water off right before Spike tossed him a towel. He dried his hair as best as he could, then ran a comb through it. Looking in the mirror, his coat and mane definitely had a cleaner shine than it did ten minutes ago. "You look good to me, come on, let's go!" Spike hurried him along. He tugged on his shirt on the way out the door, and the two of them went down the hall towards the throne room. All the while, he was wondering what Princess Twilight wanted with him. When they walked through the double doors, Princess Twilight and her friends stood near the map table, along with Major Fizzlepop in her full armor. "Good morning, Grubber. Sorry we sent Spike to get you up. But with what Princess Twilight is prepared to offer you, it might be a good idea to get used to early mornings." Fizzlepop told him. Now his curiosity was fully piqued. "What can I do for you, Princess?" "Grubber, I told you if Major Fizzlepop couldn't find a spot for you in the Ponyville E.U.P., that I'd do everything within my power to help you find something, and it's largely thanks to her and Spike that we figured something out so soon." "Yeah, we think we figured out what you're really good at, even if you aren't quite aware of it. Those nachos you made yesterday for lunch? Those were amazing." Spike told him. "And that salad you let me have the rest of? Well, I only had a couple bites... because I took the rest to Twilight and Spike and they immediately agreed; one of the best they've had. Then when we took the dishes back, we saw all the recipe books you'd been flipping through." Major Fizzlepop told him. "Yeah, I should really get better at putting everything away, sorry about that." Grubber apologized. "Well, there's one way we came up with that could help you with that. How would you like to be put in charge of the kitchen on a more permanent basis?" Princess Twilight asked. "In... charge?" "Grubber, I'd like to offer you the position of Head Chef of my castle kitchen." Princess Twilight announced, as formally as she could. Grubber couldn't keep his mouth closed. "Your duties would include planning and coordinating menus with Ponyville catering teams for special events that are hosted here. We usually have one of those at least once a month." Twilight told him. Fizzlepop took a step forward. "And also, you'd be responsible for providing breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the Ponyville E.U.P. You'd be doing that on a daily basis." The orchid unicorn told him. "And you'll have your work cut out for you. My troops have quite the appetites." Those words made Grubber's heart skip a beat. Here it was; the best of both worlds. His love for delicious food, and it was a great way to be involved with Fizzlepop's squad. "Wow... I mean... Wow! Yes, yes, Princess, I accept!" He excitedly answered with a curt bow. Twilight gave him a smile. "In that case, he's all yours, Rarity." Twilight said, turning to the white fashionista. "Grubber, darling. Please meet me out front in a few minutes and I'll take you over to Carousel Boutique and get you measured for the most exquisite chef's uniform." Grubber nodded excitedly as Rarity made her way out of the throne room, and Fizzlepop came up to him. "Well, I know it may not be quite what you wanted, but I hope you like it." She said. "A-Are you kidding, Fizzlepop? This is perfect! Just you wait. I'm gonna put together the healthiest, tastiest, most energy-packed meals your squad has ever had." Grubber exclaimed, nearly jumping up and down. Fizzlepop chuckled, knelt down, and brought him into a hug. "Anything for a friend." As she released him, she noticed her cutie marks begin to glow again. "Whoa, what's going on there?" Grubber asked, looking back at her flank. She smiled as the pink and blue fireworks glowed off and on momentarily, then returned to normal. "Just another day in the Kingdom of Friendship. Now go on, you don't want to keep Rarity waiting. Can't wait to see you in that new uniform!" Grubber gave her a toothy grin before turning and ran out of the throne room, hot in pursuit of the unicorn that would make him the most dashing chef's whites ever. "Congratulations, Chef Grubber." Epilogue"So, everyone liked it?" Grubber asked, following Spike down the hall from the dining room, clad in his brand new chef's whites. "Liked it? Dude, that dinner was amazing. I, for one, can't wait to see what you can do when you actually plan out a menu and you have a staff. That uniform looks pretty sweet too." Spike replied, his belly nearly bursting with gem-encrusted pancakes, one of the specialty dishes made for him that night when Rarity brought him back from Carousel Boutique. Grubber insisted on compensating her somehow, but she professionally refused, claiming that her monthly stipulation from the castle petty bits fund was more than enough for any tailoring service she offered to the castle staff and caretakers. "So, what now? Are we turning in for the night?" The hedgehog asked as they came back out to the foyer. "Not even close. Tonight, Grubber, I show you one of the most important aspects of life here in the castle." Spike told him as they walked up the stairs to the large double doors of the throne room. Spike shoved them open, and Grubber saw seated at the table, Big Macintosh, patiently waiting, and Discord, not-so-patiently waiting. The Lord of Chaos raised his claw and gave it a snap, an as the doors closed behind them, the surrounding throne room vanished, and Grubber suddenly found himself surrounded by a vast, mountainous landscape. He saw Spike was now clad in a mage's robe and hat. "Spike? What is this?" Grubber asked, realizing that his chef's uniform had transformed into a rogue's leather outfit. "Grubber," Spike began, motioning to the vast landscape before them. "Welcome to Ogres and Oubliettes." Author's Note This is what happens when I don't outline properly. I completely forgot that this was the scene I wanted to end this story with. Short and sweet. Thanks for reading!
101 Questions You Had About Assisting But Were Afraid To AskThe haze of the slumbering realm was lifted from around Grubber as he slowly woke to a claw poking him. "Come on Grubber, time to get up. Rise and shine." He heard Spike say. "I can't believe you get up this early when you don't have an early morning raid scheduled." He grumbled, throwing the blanket aside as he got up out of the small bed that Fizzlepop had set up right next to her bed in her bedroom. Spike scoffed. "Heh, if you think this is early, then you're definitely going to have a hill to climb." The dragon replied. Grubber glanced up at the clock on Fizzlepop's nightstand, and saw that it was 8:00 in the morning... And also saw that Fizzlepop was nowhere to be found, and her bed had been expertly made. "Yeesh, I slept through her alarm clock and her making her bed? 'Hill to climb' is right." Grubber said as he walked over to the base of the nightstand and opened the bottom drawer, which Fizzlepop had cleared out for his use. He pulled out a clean shirt, similar to the one he had with the Storm Corps insignia, but now thanks to Rarity, he now had five with the six-pointed purple star, the insignia of Princess Twilight's Kingdom of Friendship. It was a belated and custom-made Hearth's Warming gift. "No sweat; I still oversleep at times, and I've been assisting Princess Twilight for years. But you wanted a crash course in becoming an assistant, so let's get started." Spike replied, and together, the two of them left the bedroom and made their way down to the dining hall. It had been roughly two weeks since he had come into Ponyville during the town's Hearth's Warming Celebration. Not too long after that, Equestria had rung in a new year. As a considerable portion of the town was made up of farmers, a lot of them were taking time off. The population annually dropped around this time of year when farmers took family vacations to warmer destinations like Las Pegasus or Appleloosa, which now had a budding tourism industry. But for others in town, life went on as normal. One group in particular was Major Fizzlepop Berrytwist and her E.U.P. Royal Guards for the town. After a tearful reunion on Hearth's Warming Eve, Fizzlepop had done her best to make him feel at home, but she could only do so much before she had to return her attention to her station. It hadn't even been a week before Grubber started feeling restless; apparently, one could have too much spongecake before you began to go stir-crazy. In his trips to and from the kitchen and attempting to get a better claw on the layout of the castle, he noticed Spike in his role of Princess Twilight Sparkle's assistant, and had asked him to show him the ropes, hoping that he could fall into a similar role with Fizzlepop, just like the old days. Spike had cleared his schedule for the day, and now here they were. But how did one assist the Captain of the Guard? What were the key differences between the Storm Corps and the Ponyville E.U.P? Getting up earlier was apparently the first step, and it was something he was going to have to work on. "So how does she usually start her day?" Grubber asked as the two of them ate their spongecake breakfast, Spike's with a topping of gem dust. "At 6:30 in the morning, or 'zero-six-thirty' in military time. They start with morning role call, then PT, or physical training, and the night watch is usually relieved after that." Spike answered. "So what is she usually doing now?" "Hm... Quarter after eight... I believe she'd be down in the barracks with the squad members not on watch for sparring practice." The 'barracks' was comprised of almost half of the castle basement, re-purposed for E.U.P. use. Down here, her squad could maintain their armor pieces with a forge, catch forty winks if they didn't feel like walking home after a shift, and frequently drilled and sparred with each other in the training room. Training sessions had initially taken place in the library, but Fizzlepop had quickly felt that they deserved an area of their own. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, they were passed by two departing night watchponies, who gave curt nods as they ascended to the ground floor. They didn't get too much farther down the slowly curving hall before they heard sounds of fighting. Grubber followed Spike up to the door, and the dragon momentarily turned to him before opening the door. "I'm sure they won't mind if we watch. Let's just stay against the wall and stay out of the way." He told the hedgehog, before quietly opening the door and the duo slipped inside. Indeed, the outer edge of the circular room was ringed with a dozen E.U.P. guards who were standing at parade rest. Grubber spotted Tempest in the center of the room. He wasn't sure if she noticed them come in, because the attention of the resting guards were on the pair of pegasi in the center of the room; Captain Rainbow Dash and Commander Thunderlane, who were currently in the middle of a sparring match. They, in addition to the rest of the guards present, were in full gear, and they seemed to have a... Shimmer about them. "Did they dip themselves in hoof polish or something?" Grubber whispered to the dragon, just loud enough to be heard over the periodic clang of spears that they each held. "Nope. Shielding spell, compliments of their Battlemage. It minimizes injuries while still letting them use full contact maneuvers." Spike replied, subtly nodding over to the heliotrope unicorn who stood next to Tempest, horn faintly glowing. Instead of platemail, she wore a cloak with the E.U.P. colors. Grubber was certainly no stranger to sparring practice. He and Tempe- err, Fizzlepop, had participated in drilling the Storm Corps for months in preparation for the invasion of Equestria. It was the best way to keep soldiers at their best, and prepared at all times. Both Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash were incredibly agile. Every swing of the spear was either dodged or countered by the other. Grubber gathered that the goal was to make contact with your opponent's body. Rainbow tightly gripped her spear with her left hoof. Keeping her eyes on Thunderlane's spear, she faked a lunge to the right, then as she began to turn around, she tossed her spear up, and her right wing caught it as she completed the rapid 360-degree turn, and it was enough to catch Thunderlane off guard, who couldn't get his spear in place quickly enough, and the front end of Rainbow's spear slammed into his left side. His shield crackled, but Grubber was wondering how exactly it protected as the blow was enough to knock Thunderlane on his side, and quickly found the tip of Rainbow's spear inches from his muzzle. 'Eeesh, wouldn't want to be him right now...' Grubber thought to himself. The room was quiet for only a second as Rainbow retracted her spear and smirked at Thunderlane before offering a hoof to him. As she helped him to his hooves, the room erupted in thundering hooves as the rest of the squad applauded the match. Thunderlane seemed no worse for wear as he accepted a hoof bump from the cyan pegasus. Grubber assumed that the shields protected from piercing injury, but allowed the full transfer of momentum from weapons. Incredibly effective, he surmised. But what he didn't understand was the applause and encouragement. In the Storm Corps, the losers were subjected to lashes, or the most menial of tasks such as scrubbing the decks, and they were also last to get food. But here, Thunderlane and Rainbow shared friendly banter as they left the center circle, and two more squad members took their place. Spike was right. Clearly, he had a lot to learn. Author's Note Well, I'm going to go ahead and file this story into the 'I have no idea if this will go anywhere nor where it will go' drawer. As always, perhaps suggestions and conversation with my awesome readers will stir my creative juices. This chapter has been on the back burner of my brain for awhile, and I finally pushed myself to get it written. But again, no idea what to do next. Thanks for reading!
The History of the Assistant"So how did everything start with you? You've been with Princess Twilight for years now, right?" Grubber asked as the two of them left the training room and headed further down the hall, towards the forge. "Well, I guess you could say years, but it was actually my entire life. Hatching my egg was Twilight's test for initiation into the School for Gifted unicorns. Princess Celestia never did say where she got my egg, or why she needed magic to hatch it, but after seeing what life is like in the dragon lands, I'm not exactly complaining." "So a student took care of you?" The hedgehog asked, as they turned right into forge. "As well as she could. Her studies came first, so anytime her work started piling up, Princess Celestia would take me off of her hooves. It wasn't often though. Once I got old enough, I helped Twilight stay organized through her studies to start earning my keep once she got her own private study on school grounds. Kept lesson plans in order, kept her personal library organized, things like that. Probably the best convenience I brought was my dragon breath; Twilight and Princess Celestia could communicate through me via fire-delivered letters." The forge was dimly lit, a pair of torches in wall sconces, the coal pit, and the opening of the smelter were the only light sources in this 12'x12' room, and they were all enchanted with tard ignis, compliments of the major herself, which allowed them to burn steadily and constantly for two weeks straight before they needed replacing. Against the left wall, there were several anvils, grindstones, and workbenches, enough to amply supply three ponies with everything they needed to work on their armor pieces and weapons... ...And everything in here was well above the heads of the dragon and hedgehog occupants. "Huh. I'd need a stepladder to be able to reach anything in here..." Grubber surmised, quickly coming to the conclusion that this wasn't the place to lend a claw. Now he wondered if his diminutive stature was going to be something of a hindrance. "So how did the two of you end up in Ponyville?" Grubber asked, turning around to exit the forge. The heat wasn't a bother to Spike, but to the fur covered hedgehog, it was only bearable for a few moments. "Princess Celestia sent her to oversee the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Unbeknownst to her at the time, it was a cover for introducing her to who are now her five best friends, whom Celestia believed would help her fulfill the Prophecy of the Mare in the Moon. At first, she tried to get through the checklist as fast as she could so she could research the prophecy further in the library, but Pinkie Pie had beaten her there, and had planned a surprise party. Half the town showed up. They celebrated through the night, much to Twilight's annoyance, but come sunrise, or what was supposed to be sunrise, the first part of the prophecy was fulfilled, and Nightmare Moon returned after one thousand years of banishment in the moon. Twilight and her friends had to journey through the Everfree Forest to get to Celestia and Luna's old castle to find the Elements of Harmony." "That couldn't have been easy." Grubber commented, remember how challenging it had been to scrounge for food in there. "I don't have a firsthand account of that. I was... Uh... Sleeping." Spike said sheepishly, getting a snicker out of the hedgehog. "But they did it. They defeated Nightmare Moon, redeemed Celestia's sister, Luna, and the Summer Sun Celebration continued, with Twilight and her friends inheriting the Elements of Harmony." "So she moved into this castle?" Grubber assumed. "Oh no, that didn't come until later. Ponyville used to have a library built from an enchanted hollowed-out oak tree, that was destroyed when she fought a centaur hellbent on harnessing Equestrian magic. When he was defeated, the Tree of Harmony brought this place straight up out of the ground. Some call it destiny, I call it best construction crew ever." A five-second tour of the bunk room also came up empty. He'd have to do all manner of climbing to make beds and such, and he was pretty certain that Fizzlepop expected her guards who spent their sleeping hours here to make their bed before they left. "Heh, finding things to help out around here for you is so much easier than it is for me." Grubber grumbled as they exited the bunk room and turned to head back upstairs. "Well, I'll chalk that up to the differences between monarchy and military. I had the same growing pains you did from time to time. When she went from student to princess, I went from her lesson plans, to castle event itineraries and answering fan mail, to Starlight's lesson plans, and then, well, since she graduated, back to itineraries and fan mail. But it will be trickier with you, I think. Fizzlepop built her outfit so that individual soldiers can be self-sufficient and reliant. You can't help soldiers the same way you can help a popular princess." Spike explained. "Yeah... Yeah, I guess you're right about that." "Spike! Can I see you a quick second?" The duo heard Princess Twilight's voice call from somewhere up the stairs and around the corner. "Regal as ever... And here I thought I had the day off. I'll be back in a minute, Grubber. Where should I find you?" The dragon asked. "Out front. I could use some fresh air." The dragon and hedgehog reached the top of the stairs and split off in separate directions, with Spike rounding the corner towards Princess Twilight's voice, and Grubber going out the back door, down the stairs, and around the exterior of the castle. As he walked around the east side of the castle, he saw the foundation of a new building being started in the steep hills next to the castle. He had heard through the grapevine that Princess Twilight was planning on opening a school of some kind, and had arranged with the Ponyville weather team to have considerably less snow around the construction site during the winter months. The more he noticed all this progress happening around him, the more he realized he was just standing still, doing the same thing day after day. But as much as he wanted to change that fast, Spike was right; a royal guard platoon was a more complicated puzzle than the castle events and Princess fan letters. Sure, they were flexible and adapted to different challenges, but that didn't mean you could just throw in a new piece from out of town and expect it to fit. So as he sat on the railing of the front steps and watched Commander Rivet start directing his construction team's progress of the new school foundation, Grubber wondered where and how he would fit into Major Fizzlepop's puzzle. Author's Note Alright, after letting some ideas simmer for a couple more days, I believe I know what I want to do with this story. But, as always, the tricky part isn't the destination, but the journey. My weakest writing element has always been fluff. I'd rather not post 500-word chapters going from key scene to key scene. Hopefully I can figure out a way to make it flow somewhat smoothly. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!
Help Wanted...?"Ugh. And here I thought a day off meant you have to find your own misplaced books..." Spike grumbled as he came out of the front doors of the castle, seeing Grubber on the front railing, content to watch the construction taking place east of the castle. "Ah, I see you've found the future School of Friendship. Twilight says it's going to look amazing when it's finished. Hopefully by this August. In fact, I think today she's writing invitations to Princess Celestia, Prince Rutherford, Queen Novo, Princess Ember, and King Thorax to see if they have any prospective students they'd like to send at the end of the summer." "It should be interesting having so many different creatures in one place. So, what's next?" "Well, if she sticks to her schedule, spoiler alert, she does, she'll be heading into town to have a quick meeting with Mayor Mare, so we've actually got a little time to ourselves. Knowing us, we could get together an early lunch if you like." As if on cue, the front doors opened and Fizzlepop came down the front steps, with saddlebags strapped to the back of her chestplate. "Good morning, you two. Taking in Twilight's new school?" She asked, stopping at the bottom of the stairs to greet the hedgehog and dragon. "Yep. We're just taking a short breather." "Breather? From what?" "Spike's showing me the basics of being an asssistant. I'm hoping to fit in somewhere with your squad!" Grubber exclaimed, standing up on the railing excitedly. "O...oh. Is that so?" Fizzlepop asked, doing a quick check of her composure. "Don't worry. We'll make sure to stay out of the way." Spike reassured her. "I see. I'm just headed out for my weekly meeting with the mayor. Say, Spike, could I talk to you for a quick second? Just a few quick pointers." Fizzlepop said, continuing her trot down the road towards town. "Sure. Hey Grubber, meet you in the kitchen?" "You got it, Spike." The hedgehog answered, hopping off the banister and headed back inside while Spike caught up with Fizzepop. "So, I appreciate the sentiment, Spike, but I'm not exactly concerned with you being in the way. When were you thinking of telling me? This squad thrives on efficient communication." "He came to me with the idea just a few days ago. I figured we'd get an idea of your routine, then come up with some ways of how he could fit in." Spike explained. "And how's that coming so far?" "Honestly, not that great. Twilight's right; you and your squad are extremely self-sufficient." "A fact that I continue to take pride in. Spike, even if I don't need one, I'm not sure I want Grubber trying to assist me." Spike wasn't exactly expecting a reply like that, and it showed in his expression. "Um, why not?" "It's complicated. But I think it's best to nip this in the bud before he ends up putting in a lot of effort just to be disappointed. Since you're the one that entertained this idea, I'd appreciate it if you found some way to un-entertain it." With that, Major Fizzlepop was on her way into town, leaving a rather perplexed Spike in front of the castle. As he made his way back inside towards the dining room, he suddenly wasn't sure this was such a great idea. In the five minutes that since Grubber had gone back inside and Fizzlepop had given Spike a wake up call, the dragon honestly wasn't sure how to handle this situation. He knew the best solution was probably to tell him straight out, but he wanted to try and let Grubber down easy. By the time he got to the dining room, he saw Grubber coming out of the swinging doors to the kitchen, having already put together a plate of nachos, covered in steaming hot liquid cheese, and what looked like half a garden's worth of vegetable toppings. "Come on, dig in." Grubber said, hopping up on the closest chair and set the plate down on the table. "Listen, Grubber," Spike began, coming up and taking a seat on the chair next to the hedgehog's. "I feel I really have to re-emphasize the difference between royal routine and military routine. Have you given any thought about what you'd like to do if Major Fizzlepop can't find a spot for you?" "Um, I mean, kinda, since this morning's dime tour of the barracks. But I figured I'd cross that bridge when we came to it. I'd rather not be pessimistic about this whole thing." Grubber said, taking a small handful of nachos and biting into them. "Don't confuse pessimism with realism, or realistic expectations. If you constantly expect just one outcome, the chances of disappointment are pretty high. It'll be fantastic if she can find a spot for you, but it wouldn't hurt to have a backup plan or two." "Yeah, I guess you're right." Grubber admitted. "If you like, I can see if Twilight is available to talk to, see what she thinks." Spike said, grabbing a cheese-and-veggie covered chip and popped it in his mouth. "Mmm, not bad. Not bad at all." Author's Note Writing is a lot like cooking. Sometimes, you dump everything into one pot, and it heats up immediately and tastes terrific. Like when I can somehow write 10,000+ words in the span of a week and bombard your feeds with chapter updates. Then there are times like this. Stir, simmer. Stir, simmer. Stir, simmer. Sometimes the ingredients take a little time to blend together in just the right way, so apologies for the shorter chapter. Thanks for reading!
A Glowing Issue"Alright, wait out here, and I'll see if she has a few minutes." Spike told Grubber as the duo stood outside Twilight's private study, which was just off from the castle's main library. The dragon knocked twice, then slipped inside, closing the door behind him. He found Princess Twilight at her desk, papers shuffled around the surface, and a clipboard currently in her magical grasp. Currently behind her desk was a sizable map, which included Equestria as well as the lands beyond its borders. "Hey there, Twilight. I was hoping you have a few minutes, we're in need of some Princess-ly friendship advice." Spike said, coming up to the desk. "Yeah, I could use a break from this anyway, I've been at it since sunrise." Twilight replied, setting her clipboard down. "So what's up? I thought you wanted the day off to hang with Grubber." "I did, and that's why I'm here. He's waiting just outside. He wanted me to show him around and get an idea of Major Fizzlepop's routine, because I'm pretty sure he's hoping to be her assistant like I am to you." Spike began to explain. "Huh, you know, I couldn't really picture her offloading any of her daily routine onto him." Twilight told him. "Yeah, that's half of our problem. We toured the barracks, and didn't really find anything he could help out with. But secondly, she got wind of it about a half-hour ago, and she isn't warming up to the idea. Like, at all; said it 'was complicated', but asked me to nip it in the bud before he sets himself up for disappointment. I'm kinda hoping you can help me let him down easy." Spike requested. "Well, I'll see what I can do. Send him in, I'll talk to him, just the two of us." The Princess of Friendship told him. With that, Spike turned around, returned to the door, and waved Grubber in. They passed each other in the doorway, and Spike closed the door behind Grubber as he walked up to Twilight's desk and climbed up on the chair in front of it to take a seat. "Good afternoon, Grubber. How've you been liking Ponyville so far?" Twilight asked him as an icebreaker. "A lot better than the Everfree Forest, I'll give you that, Princess." "Just Twilight will be fine. I'm not as into titles as Major Fizzlepop is. Speaking of Fizzlepop, Spike tells me you'd like to be her assistant. I take it you two have some history before you came to Equestria?" "Yeah, I guess you could call it that. I mean, we kinda looked out for each other." "If there's a story behind it, I'm all ears, Grubber." "Well, back in the Storm Corps, I was just a lackey with everyone else ten times my size; an extra pair of eyes that the Storm King made second-in-command because he knew I was too cowardly to try to pull what my predecessor did. That was it; it didn't get me any more respect or admiration. But then she came along. We chased after her when she got her hooves on some enchanted stone. I was amazed at her magic, her abilities for how small she was, and knew the Storm King would be too. I arranged the introduction, and it immediately propelled her into a position of authority. Part of me wanted to be jealous that I was now under her, but another part of me didn't care because, well, she was the first one to treat me with any kind of respect. The difference wasn't night and day, mind you, but she made me feel like a valued part of her team. If it's possible, I'd like to go back to something like that. But, you know, without the whole 'conquering' thing." "I see," Twilight replied. "Well, right now, she, along with Spike, really can't figure out a place for you to fit in. But I've seen her build her squad from the ground up. I promise you, that if she finds a good spot for you, she'll let you know. And if she can't, I promise that I'll also try to find a place for you to fit in around here. It can be tricky, especially with the culture shock you must have been experiencing these past couple weeks, so I definitely sympathize with you there. Just take it one day at a time, and you'll do fine." Grubber smiled up at her. "Thanks Pri- err, Twilight." He thanked her, and she smiled with a nod as he got down and walked out of the room. With that taken care of for now, she returned her focus to the invitation letters on her desk, as well as the regional map behind her. It was an awful lot to do in eight months, and she was also a bit nervous about the construction timetable for the school, but Commander Rivet had given her his every assurance that things would remain at or ahead of schedule. She was about to return to penning the latest invitation letter when out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the walls of the room shimmering in an upward pattern. "That only means one thing..." Twilight said, setting the letters down again, getting up herself and leaving the room, trotting down to the throne room. Indeed, the friendship map was activated, and a single cutie mark was floating and revolving around the map's representation of her castle. She came up to the table, and got a closer look. The cutie mark in question was a pair of neon pink and blue exploding fireworks. "Oh..." Twilight commented. She heard the throne room doors open behind her, a throat clearing sound made her turn to see her visitor. "So," Major Fizzlepop began, standing at parade rest. "My flanks just started glowing and tingling in the middle of my meeting with the mayor, and she immediately cut it short and suggested I return here. I take it you know something about it, Princess?"
A Unicorn and a Hedgehog Walk Into A Castle..."Yes, I do believe I can help you with that, to a degree. Or, at the very least, tell you what's going on." Twilight told her captain of the guard. For the many months that Fizzlepop had been here, she couldn't believe that the issue of somepony barging into the castle with a glowing cutie mark hadn't come up yet. But now was as a good a time as any. Twilight ushered Fizzlepop towards the table, and pointed at the holographic representation of the castle, with her cutie mark revolving around it. "You, Major Fizzlepop Berrytwist, have a friendship problem." Princess Twilight said succinctly. The orchid unicorn raised her eyebrow suspiciously. "So that's what this thing does? A friendship alert system? How... How is it not going off all the time?" Fizzlepop bewilderingly asked. "You know, I've never thought about it." Twilight answered, walking around to her throne and sat down, shooting a beam of magic at the center of the table, and the holographic projection of the region dissipated from the outer edges and shrunk into a single mote of light in the center, which sunk into the crystal surface. Fizzlepop noticed that since coming within a close proximity of the table, that her cutie marks had stopped glowing. Still, half of her wanted to wholeheartedly listen to Twilight, and the other half wanted to burst out laughing at the ludicrous fact that Equestrians couldn't spot invading forces disguised as storm clouds, but they could apparently spot arguments from half a continent away. "So... Now what?" "Normally, you'd pack a saddlebag and go to wherever the map sends you, but, it's right here, and I've got a pretty good idea of what's going on." "I'm listening, Princess." Fizzlepop told her, standing at parade rest and looking at her from across the room. "Spike has told me that he's been showing Grubber around the castle, and that he's interested in trying to find a way to help you with the Ponyville E.U.P. According to him, you're not exactly comfortable with that idea. I'd just like to get an idea as to why. He said 'it's complicated' was the reason you gave him." "I'll stand by that, yes." "Complicated how?" Twilight asked, and she immediately saw that her captain of the guard was searching for the right words. "Is it... Is it because you feel that it'd be a little too similar to how it was with the Storm King?" Twilight followed up. "It's... It's not that it brings me closer to the past, it's... It's just that I'd prefer to not return to the kind of relationship we had before." "According to him, you were the first meaningful friendship he had in his life. So it's not that farfetched to imagine that he'd want to jump right back in with the pony who first showed him some semblance of respect. Weren't you overjoyed when he found his way to Ponyville on Hearth's Warming Eve?" "Yes, and that's the point. I want him as a friend, not a subordinate. I know we have one of the loosest outfits in the Equestrian E.U.P., but we're all incredibly self-sufficient when it comes to our daily routines. So now this map is saying that I have to find him a place where I don't think he'd be a good fit?" "I didn't say that, and neither did the map. It's not even explicitly saying what the problem is." "It's just that when you first bestowed these duties on me, it was daunting, but overcoming each day's challenges is how I motivated myself to tackle tomorrow. That hasn't changed. I value Grubber's friendship and his input, but I want him to find his own place here." "I... Think I get where you're coming from. It's your decision, Major. I'm not about to dictate who you can and cannot take into your platoon. But I'm pretty sure that this is what the map wants you to figure out. I'd suggest taking a closer look at your friendship with Grubber. Obviously we've all been beating around the bush and just going to third parties. You need to talk with him and let him know how you feel, and go from there." Twilight told her, getting a sigh in return. "I have to honestly say, now that I've witnessed how that table works, I'm not sure I like that thing. Have a friendship problem long enough, and before you know it, you have no semblance of privacy. I'm amazed you don't have advocacy groups banging on your door." Fizzlepop said as she turned to leave. She quickly made the decision to postpone her meeting with the mayor until a later date, and give this friendship problem her full attention. Regardless of her feelings about an omniscient crystal table, she took her feelings about Grubber seriously. He had only been here a couple weeks, and if he was going stir crazy, she wanted to help him fit in, but she wanted it to be in the right way. Grubber deserved to know why she didn't think he would be a good fit being involved in her platoon, so it was just a matter of coming up with the right words. It had taken the better part of the afternoon for Major Fizzlepop to think up what she wanted to say, and now that evening drill had concluded and her squad was fed and either off duty or beginning their night patrols, now she could get a bite to eat herself, and hopefully run into Grubber soon after. But 'soon after' turned into 'immediately' as she entered the dining room, and saw that Grubber was sitting at the table, fork in claw, poking at a salad of some kind. He heard the approaching hoofsteps, and smiled meekly at her. "Hey there, Fizzlepop. Busy day?" He asked, taking a bite of his salad, which appeared to be comprised of mixed greens, almonds, and sliced strawberries, with some type of dressing drizzled atop it all. "An... Interesting day, to say the least, that's for sure." Fizzlepop said, taking a seat next to him, the aroma of his salad hitting her nostrils and nearly making her salivate. "Listen, Grubber. I know you've been wanting to get involved with my squad, and we've all been dancing around with each other, when we should have been talking directly to each other. If I don't think it's a good idea, then I should come right to you and let you know why." Grubber swallowed his current bite of salad, and looked her in the eyes. "Well, I've honestly been afraid of this, but yeah, I should hear you out." "You told Twilight that you constantly felt inadequate in the Storm Corps because of your size; that the Storm King kept you around as nothing more than an insurance policy against another mutiny?" Grubber nodded. "I'm... I'm just afraid that you'd be repeating most of that inadequacy if you tried to force yourself into the Ponyville E.U.P. There's not a lot you can do to help; each and every pony is expected to do their part, from maintaining their armor to keeping their bunk clean. I want you as a friend, Grubber, not a follower. Back when you first showed up on Hearth's Warming Eve, I said I was thrilled to have you here, and that hasn't changed. But I thought of it as a chance for you to discover something new about yourself; a chance at a life that's different from your years with the Storm Corps." Grubber gave her an understanding, yet questioning look. "But, what about you? Have you discovered anything new about yourself? Hope you don't mind me saying, but in a way, you've just swapped out Storm Guards for ponies. You went from military leader to... Military leader." He told her, poking at his salad again, but not taking another bite. "Yes, but a vastly different kind of leader. I don't conquer anymore; I serve Princess Twilight and Ponyville. I don't berate or punish any longer; I encourage and uplift my troops. I can understand how you think it's the same, but it's really not. The friendships I've gained here have given me a new, much more selfless outlook on life, and it's that attitude, and maaaybe a little bit of turning myself into a ship-to-ship projectile, that convinced Queen Novo that I was worthy of her pearl's power. Being able to redeem myself in her eyes, and seeing Hippogriffia rebuilt after what our attack had done to it... That was the best feeling I've had in a long, long time." Grubber had remembered a distinct look of regret on her face as they had surveyed the destruction of the city after the hippogriffs had vanished underwater. "Alright, so I guess it is different. I mean, I appreciate you being honest with me, it takes a really good friend, to tell me straight up like that. If you really don't think I'd fit in with your squad, I'm going to have to accept that. I just wish I knew how to fit in around here. I guess if worse comes to worse, I could enroll in Twilight's school in the fall." He set his fork down on the plate and turned in his chair. "You want this?" He asked, sliding the plate towards her. "I can hear your stomach growling, and this was my second plate, but I'm stuffed." "Thanks, Grubber. I'm sorry if things aren't going like you hoped, but I promise I'm going to use as much of my free time as I need to in order to help you fit in." Grubber smiled, then let out a yawn. "Thanks. Well, I'm gonna go fall into bed early. Night, Fizzlepop." With that, he got down from his chair, and made his way out of the dining room, leaving Major Fizzlepop alone with her secondhand dinner. She was wondering if the problem had really been solved; Twilight said that her cutie mark would start glowing again when the map considered everything taken care of. Not willing to think it over any more on an empty stomach, she took the fork in her magic, got it full of greens and strawberries, and took a bite. "Oh wow, this is really good..."
Grubber's PlaceWith a stretch, Grubber opened his eyes and awoke to the poking and prodding of dragon claws. "Come on, Grubber. Get up. I've got a bath getting warmed up for you." He heard Spike tell him as he tossed the covers aside, and winced at the sunrise coming in through the window. He managed to glance at the clock and saw it was 9 AM. "Huh? Bath?" Grubber groaned. "Yep. You've been requested in the throne room, so you've got to look presentable, and you've overslept as it is." Spike told him, practically pushing him out of bed towards the bathroom. Indeed, once they were there and Grubber had his balance on his two feet, the first thing he saw was the bathtub absolutely full of suds, moments before he was lifted up and tossed in with a splash. Needless to say, he was awake now. He had barely popped his head above the water and blew away the surrounding bubbles before Spike was all over him with a brush. "Gonna tell me what this is about?" The hedgehog asked as the dragon worked into his fur with the stiff bristles. "They didn't tell me. Once the clock hit 8:55, they sent me up here and told me to get you ready as soon as possible." It didn't take Spike long. Only a couple minutes cleaning Grubber's coat while the hedgehog took a glob of shampoo and lathered up his white-gray mane that went all the way down his back to his tail. A total of seven minutes later, Spike popped the drain plug out, and Grubber hopped out and shook the excess water off right before Spike tossed him a towel. He dried his hair as best as he could, then ran a comb through it. Looking in the mirror, his coat and mane definitely had a cleaner shine than it did ten minutes ago. "You look good to me, come on, let's go!" Spike hurried him along. He tugged on his shirt on the way out the door, and the two of them went down the hall towards the throne room. All the while, he was wondering what Princess Twilight wanted with him. When they walked through the double doors, Princess Twilight and her friends stood near the map table, along with Major Fizzlepop in her full armor. "Good morning, Grubber. Sorry we sent Spike to get you up. But with what Princess Twilight is prepared to offer you, it might be a good idea to get used to early mornings." Fizzlepop told him. Now his curiosity was fully piqued. "What can I do for you, Princess?" "Grubber, I told you if Major Fizzlepop couldn't find a spot for you in the Ponyville E.U.P., that I'd do everything within my power to help you find something, and it's largely thanks to her and Spike that we figured something out so soon." "Yeah, we think we figured out what you're really good at, even if you aren't quite aware of it. Those nachos you made yesterday for lunch? Those were amazing." Spike told him. "And that salad you let me have the rest of? Well, I only had a couple bites... because I took the rest to Twilight and Spike and they immediately agreed; one of the best they've had. Then when we took the dishes back, we saw all the recipe books you'd been flipping through." Major Fizzlepop told him. "Yeah, I should really get better at putting everything away, sorry about that." Grubber apologized. "Well, there's one way we came up with that could help you with that. How would you like to be put in charge of the kitchen on a more permanent basis?" Princess Twilight asked. "In... charge?" "Grubber, I'd like to offer you the position of Head Chef of my castle kitchen." Princess Twilight announced, as formally as she could. Grubber couldn't keep his mouth closed. "Your duties would include planning and coordinating menus with Ponyville catering teams for special events that are hosted here. We usually have one of those at least once a month." Twilight told him. Fizzlepop took a step forward. "And also, you'd be responsible for providing breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the Ponyville E.U.P. You'd be doing that on a daily basis." The orchid unicorn told him. "And you'll have your work cut out for you. My troops have quite the appetites." Those words made Grubber's heart skip a beat. Here it was; the best of both worlds. His love for delicious food, and it was a great way to be involved with Fizzlepop's squad. "Wow... I mean... Wow! Yes, yes, Princess, I accept!" He excitedly answered with a curt bow. Twilight gave him a smile. "In that case, he's all yours, Rarity." Twilight said, turning to the white fashionista. "Grubber, darling. Please meet me out front in a few minutes and I'll take you over to Carousel Boutique and get you measured for the most exquisite chef's uniform." Grubber nodded excitedly as Rarity made her way out of the throne room, and Fizzlepop came up to him. "Well, I know it may not be quite what you wanted, but I hope you like it." She said. "A-Are you kidding, Fizzlepop? This is perfect! Just you wait. I'm gonna put together the healthiest, tastiest, most energy-packed meals your squad has ever had." Grubber exclaimed, nearly jumping up and down. Fizzlepop chuckled, knelt down, and brought him into a hug. "Anything for a friend." As she released him, she noticed her cutie marks begin to glow again. "Whoa, what's going on there?" Grubber asked, looking back at her flank. She smiled as the pink and blue fireworks glowed off and on momentarily, then returned to normal. "Just another day in the Kingdom of Friendship. Now go on, you don't want to keep Rarity waiting. Can't wait to see you in that new uniform!" Grubber gave her a toothy grin before turning and ran out of the throne room, hot in pursuit of the unicorn that would make him the most dashing chef's whites ever. "Congratulations, Chef Grubber."
Epilogue"So, everyone liked it?" Grubber asked, following Spike down the hall from the dining room, clad in his brand new chef's whites. "Liked it? Dude, that dinner was amazing. I, for one, can't wait to see what you can do when you actually plan out a menu and you have a staff. That uniform looks pretty sweet too." Spike replied, his belly nearly bursting with gem-encrusted pancakes, one of the specialty dishes made for him that night when Rarity brought him back from Carousel Boutique. Grubber insisted on compensating her somehow, but she professionally refused, claiming that her monthly stipulation from the castle petty bits fund was more than enough for any tailoring service she offered to the castle staff and caretakers. "So, what now? Are we turning in for the night?" The hedgehog asked as they came back out to the foyer. "Not even close. Tonight, Grubber, I show you one of the most important aspects of life here in the castle." Spike told him as they walked up the stairs to the large double doors of the throne room. Spike shoved them open, and Grubber saw seated at the table, Big Macintosh, patiently waiting, and Discord, not-so-patiently waiting. The Lord of Chaos raised his claw and gave it a snap, an as the doors closed behind them, the surrounding throne room vanished, and Grubber suddenly found himself surrounded by a vast, mountainous landscape. He saw Spike was now clad in a mage's robe and hat. "Spike? What is this?" Grubber asked, realizing that his chef's uniform had transformed into a rogue's leather outfit. "Grubber," Spike began, motioning to the vast landscape before them. "Welcome to Ogres and Oubliettes." Author's Note This is what happens when I don't outline properly. I completely forgot that this was the scene I wanted to end this story with. Short and sweet. Thanks for reading!
