I'm Going to Need New Collars
If dogs are the best friends of men, then cats are my best friends. I wish I could say they're the best friends of all women, but I have a couple girl friends who are allergic to pet dander. I have to go through so many lint brushes over the course of a month just to keep from setting them off. Nevertheless, I love my cats and wouldn't trade them for the world.
Puddie is my little orange ball of sunshine. She climbs on top of surfaces and always twitches her tail rhythmically whenever I come home. Luau has a darker gray complexion and tries to avoid sunlight whenever possible. Katydid is my yellow Siamese who likes to crawl through some small openings between chairs and table legs just to prove that she can. Finally, we have Tifa, the almost black cat except for her white paws. Contrary to the Final Fantasy character I named her after, she tends to keep to herself. She lets me pet her, provided I approach slowly and am in her line of sight for a few seconds beforehand.
We have our own apartment in the middle of nowhere. Just kidding, but I'd rather not allow more than the few that I trust reading this to find out where we live. Call it paranoia, but I say I'm just playing it safe. Sorry hackers, but you're not getting my credit card information. But I digress.
Details of a normal day stand out a lot more when something dramatically shifts in the middle of it. I remember the Wednesday that my two nephews stopped by to drop off a few boxes. It was some of their old stuff that they wanted to keep, but just didn't have the storage space in their place in the next state over. I had let them know that I'm a bit of a hoarder anyway, so chances were whatever they left would still be here for years to come.
It didn't really look all that strange. The contents of the boxes included some generic comic books, a bunch of tiny figurines, and some card games that looked well beyond someone from my generation. I realize I sound like an old lady, but I thought stuff like Uno and Phase 10 were plentifully complex. I had no brain space left for things like MTG, YDM, or Heaven forbid... Exploding Kittens. I don't want to play a game that could kill my four immediate family members.
Sorry, where was I? Right, I was putting stuff away for later sorting. Each time a box was emptied, I took it out of the walk-in closet and set it down in the living room. I figured I'd break them apart after I was done and recycle them. So, as I was walking out with a fifth box, I find the most adorable sight possible.
Tifa had crawled into one of the boxes and practically closed herself in, save for the flaps at the top. Luau had somehow fallen into a separate box and was lying on her back. Katydid had flipped one of the boxes upside-down and was in the middle of crawling under it, showing just the tip of her tail. Finally, Puddie was standing in the fourth box, sniffing at the cardboard walls that now surrounded her.
Nothing could stop me from falling to the floor while laughing my area off. I'm fairly certain one of my kidneys caved in on itself, but I couldn't bring myself to care in the middle of my laughing fit. I can't remember for how long I laughed. It felt like a minute or so. As I finally managed to hoist myself back onto my feet, I took a moment to catch my breath. For me, laughing was simultaneously relaxing and exhausting.
I decided I should probably help Luau out. She wasn't exactly the cat escape-artist. I walked over to give her assistance when something inside Tifa's hiding spot sparkled. It was a small light at first, but it became an ever-growing orb that was nearly blinding. I held both my arms up in front of my eyes for defense. As quickly as it had flashed, the light was gone. I was going to ask what had happened, but the question died about halfway out of my mouth.
Something new was in my living room, actually four somethings. All of them were occupying the boxes. My cats were nowhere to be seen. I think my legs instinctively backed up, because my back had suddenly flattened against a wall. So were the palms of my hands. I was hyperventilating.
I didn't know what I was looking at. These creatures had giant eyes, hair that resembled pop artists going wild, and colors that I'm fairly certain most quadrupeds of that size didn't come in. Those feather-like appendages on their sides, were they wings? I couldn't verify on Tifa's box, because only that creature's eyes and... horn were visible. They all had a twirled horn on their respective heads.
So... yeah, hyperventilating. Me. Doing. Right then. Beings. In my house. Not normal. Panic!
"Arlin... are... you... okay?"
I'm sorry, what? Had the large white, and blue creature just... spoken to me... in English? My lower jaw was having trouble relocating the rest of my mouth. So, all I could offer back were some unintelligible throat syllables. But the creature smiled gently, calmly keeping its pink eyes somewhat open. It twitched its blue tail with pink highlights in a steady, back-and-forth rhythm.
I gasped. "Puddie?"
"Yeeees." It practically purred, pulling out its long, white legs from the box she was standing. She slowly trodded over and gently nuzzled her face against mine. Shaking, I reached out a hand and pet its wavy hair. She seemed to like that and leaned into me more. "Mmmm."
"Um... little help please?"
I looked over at the new voice. It appeared to be a creature with a similar stature to Puddie, but much darker and purple. I guessed it was a she as well. She was stuck with most of her back laying down in the box. The rest of her body looked like it was crushed and shaking around above the box top.
I hazarded a guess. "Luau?"
"Yeah! Now get me out!"
Puddie walked over with me next to this box. I tried grabbing both of Luau's new front limbs with my hands while Puddie grabbed hold of Luau's collar. After a long pull, we managed to get her out of that box. I ended up flat on my back on the floor. I blinked a couple of times before realizing that Luau was standing with her feet on either side of me.
"Ugh, finally." Luau sat down and licked what was once her left paw.
"Um... could you please get off my feet, Luau?" Pain traveled fast up through my nerves, eliciting a tear to drip from my eye.
"Hmm?" Luau paused, barely giving me a glance. "Why? I need to clean."
"Come now, you can clean yourself anywhere," pointed out Puddie.
Luau sighed and reluctantly stood up and walked over next to her sister-in-household. I quickly sat up and massaged my ankles and toes. I smiled in relief as the feeling returned to normal. I turned around when I heard a series of grunts. The pink creature was standing on all fours, but it seemed that a box was firmly locked over its rear end. Judging by how the only cat that went into a closed box was Tifa and there was still only one closed box, that narrowed down the options.
"Do you want me to get that, Katydid?" I stood up and took a step.
Katydid clenched her teeth. "No, give me... ergh! ... just a second... mmf! ... I almost..."
I stepped closer. "I could probably help by pulling it away while you try to pull forward."
"No, let me do it myself!" She swatted with her right, front limb. She ended up hitting nothing but air.
"It's really no trouble, relatively speaking." I walked around her.
"I said let me!" She shook some more. The box stayed tightly clenched over her tail and just behind her folded wings.
"Just this once, Katy." I placed my palms on either side of the box and pulled back.
Apparently, life wanted me to be in a sequel of back-planting events. As soon as Katydid was released from the box, the cardboard was flung over my face and I was flat on the floor again. I exhaled in defeat before a pink hoof promptly punted the box away.
"Take that!" Katydid practically jumped at the cardboard. She was trying so very hard to claw it to shreds. With her currently smoother front limbs, all she managed to do was slide it a few inches across the floor and into a wall. She growled and hissed before turning around and punting it away with her back leg.
Puddie looked like she was quietly enjoying the show. Luau didn't even bat an eye as she continued licking herself over. As soon as Katydid was done trying to get revenge against her captor box, she strutted over next to the other two cats... horses... sisters(?). We were still missing one.
I got up and walked over to the last box. I crouched down to about the level that I could see two eyes staring back at me. Slowly, I reached out with my hands toward the flaps on top. In a few extended seconds, I opened the box and saw Tifa's new look. She was very... light purple. Like the other three, she had a pair of wings on her back. She also had a multi-pointed crown right behind her horn.
"Hey, Tifa..." I kept my voice soft and slowly reached down a hand. "Are you alright?"
The purple horse sniffed my hand a little. She then leaned her face in, allowing me to pet her fully. As I did so, her eyes moved around as if seeing where we lived for the first time in her life. She put her paws... hooves on top of the side of the box. The extra weight tipped her forward and I quickly backed away. Tifa, still looking around, slowly walked out of her cardboard confinement.
"Our room shrank," she said softly.
"Actually, you're bigger now." I chuckled nervously.
"I am?" She looked around at the back of herself. "I don't feel any bigger."
"Maybe that's because the others grew so much more than you did." I glanced back at my other cats.
Katydid gaped at me. "Did you just call us fat?"
"It's a compliment." Puddie giggled. "Thank you for noticing, handmaiden."
"What difference does it make?" Luau closed her eyes and pointed her muzzle at the ceiling.
"It's a strike at my pride." Katydid fumed.
"But you're not a lion," commented Tifa. "You're a domesticated cat."
"I wasn't asking you." Katydid turned around and hopped onto the couch. I could hear the furniture piece struggling not to give way under her new weight. I saw a couple springs pop out of either arm-rest.
I looked back to Puddie. "Handmaiden?"
The white muzzle had a smug grin. "Do you not buy our food, change our litter boxes, and keep our house looking clean and tidy?"
"I... okay, but... how would you know the word for that?" I held my hands to either side, palms up.
"Because I'm me." Her tail slowly swished left and right. "I know things."
I closed my mouth and lowered my arms. I don't know what kind of answer I was expecting.
Tifa waved slowly at the couch. "You're going to break that."
"No, I'm not!" retorted Katydid while lying down forcefully.
The entire seat collapsed under her weight. I held up my arms in an "X" in front of myself as I heard a loose spring fly to the right of my head. When the mix of crashing noises stopped, I peeked around and slowly uncrossed my arms. The couch was in pieces, the footrests were bent sideways, and the back and armrests were dislodged from the rest. Katydid lowered her head and her mane hairs blocked her eyes from view.
"Not. One. Word." Katydid huffed.
Tifa backpedaled and quickly curled up behind my legs. She peeked around cautiously. Somehow, her wings were hugging my legs like giant, soft hands. Meanwhile, Puddie was holding up a hoof to hide her quiet giggling. Luau glanced at the damage and returned to her prideful posture.
"Serves you right." The dark horse muttered.
"You want to go?" Katydid locked her deathly gaze.
"Please." Luau ran a hoof past her mane. "I would never stoop to such a barbaric level as a fight."
"Then this'll be over soon." Katydid pounced. "Mraow!"
"Katy!"
I held onto Tifa tightly as the entire building shook. Katydid and Luau tumbled over each other this way and that. My lamp fell over, books were shaken off their shelves, and I think I saw a bowling ball fly into a wall. I didn't remember having one of those. Puddie closed her eyes, sighed, and walked over next to Tifa and me.
"What a lovely day." Puddie purred while wrapping her giant, feathered wings around us. "I'm glad I stayed awake to see this."
"Y...You have bird things." Tifa stared with eyes wide.
I couldn't really find my voice right then. I was still trying to process that my sweeties changed from felines to equines. I was scared, confused, warm, and comfy. These feathers were so big that I could almost fall asleep against them. The fight between Luau and Katy was fading like a distant memory.
"You have them as well," Puddie whispered into Tifa's ears.
"Fascinating..." Tifa patted the wing on her left side.
My last thought before falling asleep in my cat's embrace was that I needed to get them new collars tomorrow.
Author's Note
Just a stray thought to match the image. That's probably how it will remain.
