Misadventures of a shy pony's personal assistant
"Ahhhhh! Why do these things always happen to me? And ponies say Spike is abused." Yelled Animal Heart. He sighed as he accepted his demise when suddenly, a new portal opened up in the multiverse.
"Well, this is it Cloud, I love you buddy!" Animal Heart made his goodbyes when he hit a cloud, no longer in his usual earth pony form, but as an alicorn.
“Um, did... I just transform?” He asked Cloud. Cloud just shrugged.
However, as soon as the word Transform left his lips, he turned back into a regular earth pony.
“Erm- Transform..?”
Once again, he had become an alicorn again.
"Stupid powers." He yelled in defeat, hitting the next cloud he would have passed through, it felt like concrete.
"Ow..." He said.
Thinking he couldn't go further this way, he looked to his surroundings for an alternative. Spying a building that looked like Sugarcube corner, he figured it would be his best bet on finding out what was going on.
His stomach let out a deep growl. It sounded like he could use a snack too.
"Pinkie, Pinkie pie!" He called out, Cloud hot on his trail, as he burst through the doors. She was nowhere to be seen. Figuring she was in her party planning cave, he pulled the ice cream cone and slid down.
"And guess what Dashie? You get to be the secret ingredient in my new cupcake recipe!" Said Pinkie Pie as she is preparing her chainsaw.
"What the buck is this?!" Animal Heart asked as he saw a straight haired Pinkie Pie about to make a Rainbow Dash rug.
"You're holding the chainsaw the wrong way." He grabbed the chainsaw and turned it the right, "There, carry on." He said, handing it back to her.
"What?!" Screamed Rainbow Dash with an expression of utter horror and confusion on her face.
Pinkie looked to her Chainsaw and back to Animal Heart, raising an eyebrow. "Um...Thank you?"
"Anytime.”
Pinkie turned on the chainsaw and slowly began to cut into Rainbow Dash's barrel. Blood and guts spilt over the floor, painting a sea of ominous red.
Rainbow Dash screamed in agony.
"Hey Pinkie, you still have any Gilda cakes?" Asked Animal heart, still so set on his task he had seemingly made himself oblivious to the happenings before him.
"Oh, In the back and to the left. It's in a small trunk, be sure to really stick your head in it, give them a good whiff, they're fresh and smell great!" Replied Pinkie, waving her hoof in dismissal, before returning to the task at hoof.
Animal heart followed her directions, making his way to a small trunk in the said location. He opened the lid and was prepared to take a whiff of the apparently fresh baked goods when he stopped himself. “That can't be right,”He thought, “The box feels cold to the touch, they couldn't be fresh. Is there even any in here?”
He looked down at the contents, rags, and there was a particular scent that wafted around them, which was most definitely not baked goods.
Everything finally clicked. He had snapped back to reality. “Transform..” He whispered. Ever so slowly he grew a pair of light feathered wings. A horn emerged from his forehead in what looked like a painful manner, however, Animal could only feel a small tickle.
Animal spread his wings and stared at Pinkie, a darkness in his eyes.
"Chloroform rag, nice trap Pinkie, too bad I caught on when I did... for you anyway.” Animal Heart started to advance on Pinkie Pie, she took a few cautious steps back. Rainbow still whimpered on the floor. Maybe if he got her to medical attention hastily, she might be okay.
"I'm coming for you Pinkie."
She attempted to lift her chainsaw, the intent of making contact with Animal Heart, but it happened so fast. She hardly had time to think before he pounced on her like a predator.
The chainsaw slipped from her grasp and slid across the cold hard floor. "Ugh! Get off of me, or ill be sure to find out what alicorn tastes like!" Pinkie bellowed between grunts.
"That is not going to happen." Animal Heart said, and with that, he thrust his horn into her eye socket.
Pinkie screamed in pain, removing her hoof from Animals chest from attempts to push him off of her, and bringing it to her eye. "You're gonna pay for that you horned pigeon! "
"You talk too much. By the way, your cupcakes taste Awful, in fact, they could use some cotton candy, lucky I just found some." Said Animal Heart, reaching for her mane.
Pinkie hauled her back legs into his chest in one swift movement. Animal Heart staggered backwards, wincing from the sharp jab in his ribcage.
Seeing her opportunity Pinkie made a dash for the chainsaw, reaching it just as he regained his composure.
"Bye, bye birdie. "She sang in a cheery sing-song voice. In one quick motion, she cut off his right hoof. It was his turn to scream. Pinkie licked the blood off her chainsaw. "Yummy!"
"Ahh, you damn party horse from hell, I'll bucking kill ya!" Screamed Animal Heart clutching his bleeding stump with his left hoof. His horn ignited in an orange aura, and he levitated the chainsaw from her grasp with his magic, then sliced off the pink party pony's head. As it rolled off her body, her huge smile remained plastered on it, laughing all the while.
"That was fun, let's do it again soon. Til next time." The head cackled as all life left its eyes.
Animal Heart shivered. "That was no pony, that was a monster." He said, with a shallow breath, then, he hears something, breathing... but not his own.
"help...me..." Said the voice of Rainbow Dash, bloody and battered, barely alive.
"It's ok RD, I'll get us to a hospital." Said Animal Heart, teleporting them both away to Ponyville hospital.
"We need a doctor, stat!" He yelled. The ground swayed beneath his hoofs, and he collapsed, Rainbow Dash beside him.
One week later...
"Oh boy, a prosthetic hoof, that'll take some getting used to." Said Animal Heart wiggling his new plastic hoof.
As he got out of the hospital, he saw the stitched up prismatic mare.
"Hey, AH, over here." Said Rainbow Dash.
He walked over to the re-mane-ing five.
"Darling, are you the one that saved Rainbow Dash?" Asked Rarity.
"Yeah, at the cost of my hoof. " Said Animal Heart.
Then one of the weirdest things happened, Fluttershy ran up to him and hugged him.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou, thank you sooo much for saving Rainbow Dash!*squee*" Said Fluttershy hugging Animal Heart with all her strength.
"Thank you, now please stop suffocating me!" Said Animal Heart through gasps of breath.
"Oh, sorry.*squee*" Said Fluttershy as she let go.
"Well, ah'd like ta thank ya fer savin' our friend Rainbow Dash. " Said Applejack
"I must say that that was really brave of you. " Said Twilight.
"Yeah, thanks." Said Rainbow Dash.
"I still can't believe that pinkie went off the rail like that." Said Twilight.
"Can't you?" Asked Fluttershy with a raised eyebrow.
"Fair point." Replied Twilight.
"Yeah, I was just lucky Animal showed up when he did, although, helping her at first, that was kind of messed up." Said Rainbow Dash.
"Yeah, sorry about that, I don't know what got into me. "Said Animal Heart. It was like he had truly blacked out and desensitized himself to his surroundings at the time.
"It's ok, no hard feelings, just a moment of insanity, huh?" Asked Rainbow Dash.
"Yeah, but that's no excuse, transform." Said Animal Heart, making a bottle of cider appear before them.
"Here, a token of my apology."
"Sweet, thanks." Replied Rainbow Dash, taking the cider hesitantly, before downing it enthusiastically.
"Anytime."
"But now everypony, we have a problem, we are missing the element of laughter, and without it, the elements of harmony won't work." Twilight proclaimed.
“But who could be the new element of laughter?” Rarity asked.
The mares all shared a knowing look with each other.
"Discord?" They all asked in unison.
"I'll take it!" Discord shouted, enthusiastically, as he popped into existence, startling the mares and Animal Heart.
"Um... will this even work?" Asked Twilight
As if on cue, the element of laughter zoomed across Ponyville and onto Discords neck.
"Ok, that's settled then." Said Animal Heart.
"But what do we do now?" Asked Cloud.
"I do not know, buddy, but I hope we figure it out soon." Said Animal Heart trying to figure out where to go next.
Then Discord snapped his eagle claw and a portal opened up in the floor and it swallowed Animal Heart whole, along with Cloud.
"I guess that will work..." Said Animal Heart as he was floating throughout the multiverse. He saw a portal that showed a filly Rainbow Dash in a cardboard box, to the left of him a red Griffin ripping a Diamond Dog in half, he then saw a Wolf like Diamond Dog fighting off a hydra. As they all swirled around, he and Cloud fell into the portal with the filly Rainbow Dash in a cardboard box, both let out a scream through the plummet.