My Time... as a Mare.

by Arcane_Sigil

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Romance, Porn, Sex, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe
Length: 7929

Don't spear me... this popped into my head a ONE FREAKING AM.

Scrolls of magic, books of spells, talismans of enchantments. All of these objects were thought lost to time. Until one stupid, oh so stupid, stallion dug them up. Hi, my name is Timber Frost. I'm a unicorn stallion with the First Equestrian Geological Expedition Division. Lengthy name, I know. I'm sorry, I didn't name it. I'm 20 years old, my coat is frost white, mane and tail are pine green, and my eyes are a bright vibrant blue bordering on silver. I've been told... many, many, many times that I'm probably the most desirable stallion in Equestria. Does this make me happy? No, not really no. Before becoming a member of the FEGED, yes that sounds as dumb as it looks, I would get letters, daily, in my mailbox in Manehatten. Not just any letters, oh no. PROPOSITIONAL letters. Asking me to meet at any number of "undisclosed" locations, locations of which I was given the address. I went to my first one, yes, but I quickly left. That mare had wanted nothing but my goods. No, I don't mean my collection of Daring Do action figures. Or my Power Ponies action figures. I mean my goods. My stallion meat. Still too subtle for you? She wanted me to fuck her. Right there in the street. I thought my life was both perfect and in need of some major improvement. I didn't expect said improvement to litterally whack me in the head during a dig, imbuing me with the ability to read minds. Oh, did I also mention it turned me into a mare? This is my story of how my life went from relatively boring to bat shit insane litterally over the course of an evening.

Published 2018-08-02 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-05 23:54:34 UTC

The Artifact

My name is Timber Frost. I’m a Junior Expeditionary with the First Equestrian Geological Expeditionary Division. Affectionately called, the FEGED. It sounds stupid, right? Yeah, I know. I didn’t come up with it, somepony else did. Anyway, that’s not important. On a dig in the eastern most section of Ghastly Gorge, my team and I stumbled across a cavern. It had looked like a cavern anyway. Upon further exploration, we’d discovered hieroglyphs. Nopony else could read them, so who do they call? Oh yeah, me. The Junior Expeditionary. Who had been stupid enough to take two years of Ancient Equestrian Languages.

So I went down into the crypt, as we were now calling it, to read them. “Read them out loud Timber” I can almost hear you all screaming. Well, I will not, as just reading them in my head caused this mess. Either way, I read them in my head, my brain doing the translating. Suddenly, I found myself in a whirl of magic. Did I mention I’m a unicorn? And my magic is the same color as my eyes, a vibrant blue that is almost silver? No? Well, now I did. This magic that was swirling around me was green. Well, greenish-blue, but green more than blue. Sort of like that nasty mossy stuff that floats on the water in swamps and bogs. You all know what I mean.

Well, this green magic was swirling around me and apparently it was causing havoc with the line I was attached to because suddenly I felt myself being pulled up, quickly. Why felt, you ask? Because I couldn’t see shit. Remember, mossy green magic all around me? A second before I would have exited the crypt, my head hit something, thank Celestia for hard hats, and I blacked out. This is where things get weird. And I mean freaky weird.

I woke up in a hospital bed. I’d thought it had only been a couple of days. Boy was I wrong. Looking at the calendar, it had been three months. I’d missed not just my twentieth birthday, but I’d missed my mother’s forty-third. Yeah, she’d had me when she was twenty-three, so what? The first thing I did, naturally, was get out of bed, expecting to be the same height I’d been when I’d gone into the crypt. My hooves hit the ground... and I slipped and fell flat on my muzzle. Boy did that hurt.

Standing up, I wobbled over to the sink and looked at the mirror. “Well, aren’t you a pretty mare?” I thought about the mare staring back at me. Turning my head, I blinked as she did the same, also blinking. Turning back, she mirrored my movement. So... experiment time. Open my mouth. She opens her mouth. Stick out my tongue. She sticks out her tongue. Duck down... I assume she ducked down, I couldn’t see the mirror anymore. Jump back up making the scariest face I could, she does the same. Hearing the door open, I turned around and saw my Fore-pony.

“Hey boss, c...” I froze. That wasn’t my voice, was it? Did something happen to my throat? I sounded... cute. I don’t sound cute. I sound like somepony who could be heard over the roar of a drill.

“Hey... uh... Frost. Ya might wanna sit down for this.” He said and I stared at him as I walked over to the couch. Glancing out the corner of my eye the mare in the mirror was doing the same thing. Nice flank.

“What’s up boss?” I asked, my voice still squeaking.

“Well... I’ve got some good news... and some bad news. What do ya want first?” He asked and I pondered it for a moment. Good news first to make me feel better, then bad news to kill my hopes and dreams? Or bad news first to make me feel like crap, and then good news to make me all happy again?

“Bad news first.” I said and he nodded.

“Well, the bad news is... I gotta let ya go.” He said and I blinked then laughed.

“Ok boss. Nice joke. What’s the real bad news?”

“That is the bad news Frost. Yer fired.” He said and my smile disappeared.

“But... why? Did I do something? Did I drop an artifact? I promise I’ll make it up to you somehow.” I said and he sighed.

“Frost, listen to yerself.”

“I know I’m begging but...”

“No, I mean really listen to yerself. Do ya sound like the stallion ya used t’ be?” He asked and I blinked. Damn my eyes are gonna be moisturized by the end of all this blinkin’.

“What do you mean used to be?” I asked and he pointed at the mirror. I looked over and saw that same gorgeous mare looking back at me. “Yeah, I know, she’s...” She was talking at the same time I was.

“She’s you, kiddo.” He said and I froze. I felt my blood go cold. I’d died. That had to be the only explanation. I had died and they’d put my brain in the body of a dying mare to save both of our lives.

“No wait. She can’t be. A perfect donor for something like this is impossible. Even if the blood-types were right, there’s no way she’d be a unicorn too. Let alone a unicorn that looks exactly like me.” I said and he sighed.

“Frost, listen t’ yerself kid. Ya sound like a girl, ya look like a girl. Do ya even have a dick anymore?” He asked and I turned to glare at him.

“Of course I do. I’m a stallion.” I said and he shook his head.

“Check again Frost.” He said and I glared harder, as if the sheer magnitude of my glare could make him stop joking with me.

“Fine. And when I see that I have a dick, I’m gonna shove it in your face and flaunt...” I froze as I looked. My dick was gone. I didn’t have a penis. I didn’t even have any balls. Any stallion in this situation would have been freaking out so hard they were hyper ventilating, steaming up the room, and in need of being knocked out. So what did I do? I screamed. Loud, long, and shrill enough to crack the windows. The boss rubbed his ears when I’d finished and looked at me.

I was in panic mode. My breathing was rapid and shallow, my heart was hammering in my chest, my pupils were dilated, and I was shaking. I think the only reason I was still standing is because I had all four hooves planted firmly on the floor. The door opened and two doctors walked in.

“Is she ok?” One of them asked and my boss nodded.

“Yeh, jus’ give ‘er time.” He said.

“I am not a she. I’m not a her...” I thought. Once I’d finally gathered my thoughts, I looked up just a little. “Good news now...” I muttered and everyone stopped moving.

“What’s that kid?” the boss asked and I turned my eyes on him.

“Good news. Now.” I said and he blinked.

“Well, th’ good news is... Princess Celestia’s found ya a new job. In the castle.” He said and I stared at him. “Uh... Frost...” He started and one of the doctors held up a hoof, as if consoling me. I didn’t even realize it until I was actually crying, but I’d started crying. I didn’t want to work with the Princess. I was a part of the expedition team. I was part of these guys. They were my family. You don’t abandon family. “Don’t do that kiddo. It’s great news. Yer food and bed are covered by the castle, and ya get to be near Celestia all the time. And all them artifacts in the castle itself. Any archaeologist’s dream.” He said and I looked up at him, my tears flowing freely. Do mares seriously cry this easily?

“I don’t want to work with the Princess.... I wanna be part of the team... you guys are my family...” I cried and he just stared at me.

“I’m sorry Frost...” He said as he turned and walked out of the room.

Two months later, I stared at the wall across from me. I hadn’t left the hospital still. I ate, I drank, I pissed, I showered, I even took shits from time to time, but I didn’t leave. Medically, I was fine. Physically, at least according to the doctors, I was fine. Mentally... I was destroyed. My boss, Brick Mortar, had been like my father. Yeah, I knew my father, he and mom had been to visit, playing it off like it was no big deal that their son was now their daughter. But Brick, he’d practically raised me. The second my cutie mark had appeared, which hadn’t really changed by the way, he’d taken me under his wing and taught me everything there was about expedition. Hearing him say that I couldn’t be part of the team, part of the family anymore, had destroyed me.

Then Celestia came in. Princess Celestia herself. She’d come in, royal regalia forgotten, wearing a medical coat, a stethoscope, and one of those funny headbands with the mirrors some doctors wear. I hadn’t had a chance to ask what was going on when her magic opened my mouth and she peered inside. I froze. Sort of. She was doing the doctor thing. Checking my mouth, checking my pulse, checking my reflexes. When she was done, she sat back and stared at me. “You seem fine. So what seems to be the problem?” She asked and I blinked. She was acting, entirely, like a doctor.

“What’s the problem? I’m a stallion.” I said and she nodded.

“Yes, so I’ve heard. I have seen magic like this before.” She said and I looked up at her, a hopeful smile on my face. “There is no undoing it.” Hopes crushed, smile gone, dreams of fathering a family dashed. “I’m sorry to say, but you are a mare now. And you’re physically healthy, if a little malnourished because you aren’t eating properly.” She said and I stared at her, tears in my eyes. Then I asked the question that had been burning in my mind.

“Do mares always cry this much?” I asked as the tears started flowing and she nodded slowly.

“Yes, we do. Mares are a lot more emotional than stallions. I personally think it’s because stallions see themselves as needing to be strong, tough, unflinching. Be walls for us mares. We can’t see them cry or they’d be considered weak.”

“So... what do I do... to stop crying...?” I asked, sniffling.

“You cry. You let it out, and if you have a stallion by your side, you let him hold you while you cry. It’s not so hard being a mare, Timber. It is tough at times, yes. Estrus is a bitch.” She said and I blushed, still sniffling. A Princess, the Princess, had sworn. “Giving birth is hell. But it’s all worth it. Mares with your looks are lucky, Timber. You’re a gorgeous mare. You were a gorgeous stallion. Any mare would have been lucky to have you at their side, any stallion would be lucky to have you on their hoof. If that’s your preference.”

“What do you mean?” I asked and she smiled.

“Timber, you don’t have to be the typical family. Stallion, mare and babies. You can love whomever you want. If you find yourself still attracted to mares, by all means, be with a mare. There is no law saying you can’t be.” She said and I sniffed.

“What about work? I love those guys like my brothers...” I said and she sighed.

“I know you do Timber. I will... talk to Brick. He may not be able to get you your job back, but there’s no reason they can’t still be your surrogate family.” She said and I nodded.

“If that’s the best you can do...”

“It’s not really the best I can do. I could tell Brick to give you your job back, but it wasn’t an order from him alone. His bosses don’t want a mare working for them. I have seen their regulations and reasons why. Too much risk of the mare getting injured on the job. Too much risk of the mare becoming a distraction during estrus. Too much risk of the mare becoming unable to perform her basic duties.” She said and I sighed. “The list goes on and on. I wish I could order Brick to give you your old job back. The most I can do is station you at a museum. There’s no guarantee you’ll see Brick or the others again, but at least you’ll be doing what you love.” She said and I nodded.

“Thank you Princess.”

“You’re welcome Timber. Now, I’m going to leave your sign out forms here for you to sign at your own discretion. I’m not ordering you to come with me, nor am I ordering you to leave the hospital. When you’re ready, sign them and the head physician will contact me.” She said, setting my forms on the bedside table before standing up and walking out of the room. I waited until she was gone before exploding.

You know how they say “life finds a way”? Well, it does. A month later, I’m out of the hospital. I hadn’t taken Celestia up on her offer. Yet. But I’d been considering it. My first stop, Ponyville. I’d always wanted to go. The Crystal Caves, Ghastly Gorge, even the Everfree Forest with the Castle of the Two Sisters. An Archaeologists dream. The train arrived in Ponyville from Manehatten and I stepped off. Into what any less sane pony would call hell. Magical energy beams were flying everywhere, monsters were roaring, even trees, living trees, were attacking... whatever it was. Walking over to the largest crowd, I slipped in next to a mint colored mare with a beautiful white and blue mane.

“What’s going on?” I asked and she scoffed.

“You must be new here. Welcome to Ponyville, where the whacky always happens.” She said as she turned to me. “I’m Lyra. This is my friend... OW! Marefriend... Bonbon.” She said as a mare with a dark blue and pink mane stepped on her hoof. Bonbon waved at me and I waved back before turning my attention back to what was happening. I’d seen some crazy things in my time as an archaeologist, but this took the cake. Litterally, as a pink cake, complete with white frosting swirls and burning candles, splattered on the... thing’s face. I say thing because I honestly didn’t know what it was.

The thing roared and the pink pony who’d thrown the cake took off. I suppose it would be more accurate to say she was there one second and not there the next. Hearing a bang from overhead, I looked up. And froze. A mare was rocketing from the sky, four contrails of smoke behind her, the air itself warping around her. I was about to see something I’d heard Brick and the guys talking about before. Seconds before she would have collided with the thing, she pulled up, the Sonic Rainboom blowing the thing into the building behind it, the four contrails of smoke spiraling straight at it and slamming into its chest before peeling off.

My jaw dropped at the display. I’d just witnessed, first hoof, a Sonic Rainboom. And the Wonderbolts. Woohoo. Yay. But a Sonic Rainboom. I’d heard stories about them, and heard that a filly had done one when she was, well, a filly, but to actually see one was a different story. Looking back at the thing they’d attacked, I shivered. It was standing up. Four Wonderbolts, who had been riding the slip stream behind the fifth Wonderbolt who had produced the Sonic Rainboom, had slammed into it at sonic speeds and it was still getting up. Then the beam of magic hit it. Bright purple magic. From the horn of an Alicorn. Princess Twilight Sparkle.

“Now Shadow!” She shouted and a blur of black leapt over her back, raced at the thing, picked up speed, and burst through it. Not into it. Through it. As in it hit the front and came out the back. I blinked as the thing it hit cracked, turned almost black, and crumbled into ash, the ashes seeming to sink into the dirt. “Excellent work Shadmph.” She said, stopping as the blur swept her up and kissed her. When they broke apart, I gasped. He was a wolf. A jet black wolf. With wings.

“Not so bad yourself, Sparkle.” He said and she laughed and pulled away.

“It was your magic that stunned it.”

“And your magic that sent it back. It’s more your win than mine.” She said and he smiled and kissed her again. Was I supposed to be seeing this? A wolf kissing a princess?

“Alright everypony, I think we’ve all seen enough.” A mare said as she ushered everyone away. “Let Princess Twilight and her friends handle the rest of this. Everypony else get back to your homes and lock the doors.” She said.

“Um... excuse me, I... don’t have a home.” I said and she gasped.

“My dear, are you homeless?” She asked and I waved a hoof.

“Nonono, that’s not what I mean. I’m new here.” I said and she sighed.

“Oh, what a relief. Welcome to Ponyville. I’m...”

“Mayor, look out!” The wolf shouted as he leapt over our heads, colliding with something big. His momentum stopped it from coming at us, but rather than tumbling away, they just slammed to the ground behind me. Shadow and the thing tumbled around us until it, whatever it was, kicked him off and scrambled to its paws. You know those old magi-flicks you see of badgers? Some of them are laying on their backs and then suddenly they look like very angry balls of murder. That’s what this thing looked like. “Introductions later, evacuate now.” He said as the thing lunged at him. I watched and made the mistake of blinking. One second they were right there, the next they were twenty feet up and falling fast, the badger thingy on the bottom.

Coming right at us. The Mayor and I bolted in opposite directions, Shadow and the Badger slamming into the ground hard enough to crater the spot we’d just been standing in. I watched as it turned to ash and blew away on the breeze, just like the other thing. “Ok. Into the Mayor’s office. You want introductions, do ‘em in there.” He said before racing off and skidding to a stop at Twilight’s side, catching a bear looking things paw in his jaws and throwing it at a building, which it bounced off of. Not waiting for another prompting, the Mayor and I raced for her office building.

“So... welcome to... Ponyville... friendliest... town in... Equestria.” She panted and I looked up at her.

“That... was friendly...?” I asked and she smiled.

“Well... today is... a special case.” She said as she sucked in a lungful and led me to her desk. “So, what’s your name and how long are you planning on staying?” She asked and I looked around the room.

“Well, my name is Timber Frost. I don’t know how long I’ll be staying in Ponyville.” I said and she nodded and wrote my name down on a piece of paper. I heard the door open behind us and a mare with a disheveled black mane walked in, fixed her mane as best she could and walked over. Looking at my “paperwork” for a moment, she turned to me, her horn lit, I saw a flash, and suddenly there was a picture of me on the paperwork.

“There. Honorary resident of Ponyville. I’m not sure where we can put you up until you move on, but with this you should be able to find work in town.” She said and I blinked.

“Um... thank you...” I said and she nodded, jumping when a horrendous boom sounded outside. I peeked out the window and blinked. Magic residue was everywhere. I’d heard of spells packing enough punch to produce magic residue, but this was crazy. If you don’t know what magic residue, it’s basically stray bits of magic, looking like fire or steam, floating up off of the ground. It usually took a few minutes to vanish if there was a talented unicorn around.

Luckily, we had Princess Twilight there to suck it all up. Right? So totally wrong. It wasn’t going to the Princess. It was going to her wolfish guardian. “So, how are actual trees fighting it?” I asked and the Mayor smiled.

“His magic. He can bring inanimate objects to life. See those scratches. That’s what caused it.” She said, pointing at scratches near the base of the tree. Looking at them, somehow I could see the magic flowing from the scratches through the sappy veins of the trees. When one tree was blown apart by impact from the bear thing, another tree came to life. As if the magic itself was jumping from tree to tree. Slight explanation here, despite being born a unicorn, I couldn’t see magic unless it was either my own or another Unicorn casting a spell during the casting. I could see their horn glowing, see the object their magic was wrapped around, see what it was causing, but I couldn’t see any other magic.

“This thing is tough...” I heard in my head and looked around. I didn’t recognize the voice at all. It wasn’t mine, it wasn’t Brick or any of my old team. “I wonder if that cute new mare will go to dinner with me.” The voice said again and I looked out the window to spot Rainbow Dash staring at me. She blushed and looked away quickly, narrowly dodging what looked like a stinger. “Did anypony else here that?” I asked myself as I watched them fight it.

“Alright, I’ve had just about enough of this...” Shadow said before racing at the, now manticore, grabbing its head, forcing it to the ground, where it roared up at him, only to get a face full of... fire? Wait, he’s a wolf, not a pony, and he can fly and do magic and breath fire? Everypony cheered as his fire streamed down the throat of the beast and I watched as its body became a charred smoking mess before it crumbled away to dust. “What the buck is he?” I asked myself as I was pulled along by the tide of ponies going out to congratulate their heroes. I just stared dumbly at them.

It wasn’t too long before the crowd started to die down, going back about their business. About then, I noticed I was still clutching my Ponyville residency sheet. Which Pinkie Pie stamped with the Mayor’s seal. I’d signed it. The stamp made it official. I was a resident of Ponyville. Hurray? You have no idea how much hurray. This is just the beginning. First a stallion on a dig for a, possibly, magical artifact. Now a mare living in Ponyville, the friendship capital of Equestria. Things couldn’t possibly get any worse. Boy was I wrong.

Author's Note

Yay. New story. With a mare protagonist. Woot. Also, don't ask about the artifact that changed poor Timber into a mare, because you'll find out next chapter.

The Pinkening

Ponyville. Biggest little town in all of Equestria. The Castle of Friendship rose above even the mayor’s office, a glistening spire of crystal that made the geologist in me swoon. My first stop since arriving in Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle wanted to ask me questions. Me. Some nopony off of the street. Was being welcomed into Twilight Sparkle’s home. My inner panic button was furiously slamming down to no avail. It was being over-ridden by my inner fan-pony button. PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE wanted to see me.

Walking up to the door, I barely had a chance to knock before the door slammed open. Directly into my face. Bloody hell, are all mares this susceptible to tears. “Buck!” I snapped, cradling my throbbing nose.

“Oh my... I’m so sorry.” A gentle voice said over my head and I looked up at Fluttershy, the kindest, most gentle mare in all of Ponyville. She’d damaged my nose? She’d been in such a hurry to leave somewhere that she’d actually hit something hard enough to possibly break something? I forgot the pain in my throbbing snout to simply stare at her. “Did I break it? I’m so sorry... I’m such a clutz...” she whined and I immediately wanted to comfort her rather than worry about the blood running down my nose.

“I’m... I’m ok... just a little battered.” I stuttered and she helped me to my hooves, pressing a napkin to my nose. I blinked at her as my own hoof replaced hers. “How could a mare this timid be so kind?” I asked myself as she led me inside. We walked through the massive main foyer and I could do nothing but gape in awe. Twilight lived here. Alone. How did she not have her friends living with her? Or guards at every corner? Just as this question crossed my mind, Fluttershy squeaked and jerked to a stop. Looking ahead of her, I blinked. Twilight was standing at the door leading into what I could only assume was the throne room, staring at the wolf from yesterday with a look I couldn’t determine.

She was either angry with him for something, or concerned for him. Looking at Fluttershy, I sighed. I’d heard she was shy, but this was ridiculous. “What’s up with those two?” I asked her and she squeaked and looked up at me.

“They’re... um... well... it’s...”

“You can’t be serious Twi!” He yelled and both of us jumped and looked over at them. “You have no guards, by sheer choice alone.”

“Because you’re the only guard I need, Knight. I don’t need other guards when you are sufficient enough protection.” She said and I blinked. She didn’t have more guards because he’s all she needs? Glancing at Fluttershy, I sighed and walked towards them.

“Excuse me.” I said and they both turned to me.

“What!?” They both shouted and I sighed.

“What do you mean you don’t need any other guards?” I asked and she sighed and looked at me, shooting Knight a glance that said they’d discuss it later.

“I don’t need any other guards because of his magic.”

“Which is faulty at best around the castle.” He interrupted and she shot him a look that would have had me pissing myself. If I was still a stallion. He just stared at her.

“He has spells that alert us to any malicious invaders that mean us harm. If somepony, or creature, breaks the border of his spells, we move. If he determines we can handle it, like yesterday, we take care of it. If he says we can’t, we work on evacuating everypony, quietly, while Princess Celestia readies guards from Canterlot.” She said and I nodded slowly. It was like the alarm systems dig sites had in place for possible cave in. If the rock became unstable, a magical alert would go off and we’d evacuate as quickly as we could before someone got trapped.

“You look like you know the magic.” He said and I looked at him.

“Not really. At my old job, we had a system of alerts in place. If the tunnel was going to cave in, the alarms would go off and we’d all evacuate before someone got stuck.” I said and he blinked and stared at me, his muzzle coming uncomfortably close. “What...?”

“Something about you... seems off.” He said, straightening up before looking at Twilight. “I’ll be in the library when you feel like seeing sense.” He said, striding passed her. She glared and I watched as her horn subtly glowed and fired a bolt of magic at the back of his head. It slapped him and she looked away just as he jerked back around to glare at her.

“Would you two cut it out?” Applejack snapped as she walked out of what I could only assume was the kitchen, an apple pie balanced on her back. Seeing the pie made me aware of just how hungry I was. “Ya’ll have been fightin’ since we got back. Just kiss and make up already.” She said and the two of them shot looks at her.

“I will not kiss him.”

“Ditto.” He said and they shot their glares back at each other before huffing and looking in opposite directions, Knight going to the library, Twilight staring at the castle. I watched him walk off until he disappeared through a door. Glancing at Twilight as the door slammed shut, I saw her jump and her ears drooped.

“This ain’t like you Twi.” Applejack said and Twilight sat and stared at the ground, sniffing.

“Wait a minute... hang on.” I said and they all turned to look at me. “Are you two...?”

“No. We’re not.” Twilight snapped a little too quickly. I smiled knowingly. My baby sister reacted the same way when accused of being in love with some pony. That reminded me. I hadn’t told my family yet. Apparently my feelings were etched on my face because Princess Twilight touched my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t told my family what happened. What if they don’t want me as a son anymore?” I said and Twilight’s ears drooped.

“Well... maybe they’ll accept you as a daughter...?” She asked and I looked up at her, my ears down.

“My dad didn’t want a daughter... he was ecstatic that I was born a colt. I could carry on the family business. I can’t do that as a mare. Not the way he wanted me to...”

“That’s ridiculous.” A super chipper voice said behind me and I spun to stare at a twin pair of bright blue eyes staring me straight in the eye. “You’re still his baby, no matter if you have colt parts or filly parts. He’ll love ya no matter what.” The mare said and I stepped back a bit to see... pink. Lots and lots of pink. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with a little pink. This mare though, this was just way too much pink. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie...” explains the color. “If your dad doesn’t want you to be a mare, then he’ll have to buck up and get over it cause you are a mare.” She said and I opened my mouth to argue.

“Always have been.” She said and I blinked, my ears drooping again.

“Uh, Pinkie...” Twilight said and Pinkie turned to look at her. “She wasn’t always a mare.”

“Oooooh. One of those stallions that wanted to be a mare and went through all kinds of stuff to get there?” She asked and Twilight shook her head. “Um... magical artifact dug up in an excavation site that turned you into a mare against your will?” She asked and I blinked.

“How did...?”

“Don’t question it. She’s Pinkie Pie.” Knight said as he returned, his teeth clenched around a prism of color as he dragged Rainbow Dash into the room. Rainbow, for her part, just let him drag her, her chin resting on her hoof as if this was a common occurrence. I watched as he let go of Rainbow Dash before turning to leave. Before he could get far though, Applejack all but kicked Twilight into his path. She glared at her friend before looking up at him. They stood completely still, the silence growing almost unbearable, as they just stared at each other.

“Would you two just kiss and make up already?” Rainbow snapped and both of them shot her a glare that would have melted any other pony into a pool of shame and fear. Rainbow merely stood her ground, nose to nose with Knight.

“How the buck is she so damn brave? I’d have wet myself with him that close.” I thought and after a moment he turned to Twilight, his eyes gentle. So gentle, in fact, I didn’t think for a second he was the same wolf as earlier. When I’d first arrived in town, I’d seen those same eyes look like they were mirroring the pits of Tartaros. Anger, rage, hatred. Now? Now they looked like the eyes of someone so caring and gentle he made me think of my mom.

My real mom, not the bitch my dad married. Did I not mention that before? My mom and dad had split and my dad had married some bitch who loved him for his money. She’d popped out two kids that would be the heirs to his dynasty. Some dynasty. Not even a guard, just some random minor business in Marizona. He wasn’t even noticed on the totem pole of society. My two brothers were treated better than I was, which is why I’d left home to join FEGED. Small little tidbit on my mom... probably the greatest mare I’d ever known. Kind, caring, loving, gentle, she went out of her way to help a pony in need.

Why was I seeing her in Knight? Because that was the look on his face. The look of someone who would go out of his way to help someone. “Firstly, Rainbow, I will not kiss her. Not with a stranger in the room, it would be rude. Secondly, we’re not fighting. We just have a slight disagreement that she won’t admit she was wrong about.”

“I was wrong? How was I wrong about the punishment for that pony? I wanted them to be sentenced to prison to think about their crimes, not to be executed out right.” She said and Knight turned to her.

“The same pony who attempted to kill you in a public place. No subtlety, no trickery. No poison, no traps, nothing like that. He walked up, charged a spell that would have killed you if you were any lesser of a pony and vaporized a part of the town. That’s blatant attempted murder of a monarch, Twilight. A crime like that is punishable by death, not by imprisonment to ‘think about his crimes’.” Knight said and I blinked. Somepony had tried to kill her?

“Maybe...”

“Twilight, if he’d had time to think about it, he’d have been planning a new strategy. A way to attempt to kill you that even an Alicorn’s imperviousness couldn’t have protected you against. Do you know how easy it would have been for a unicorn with the kind of power to damage an Alicorn’s magical shielding to brainwash a Hydra? How long do you think you could hold up a magical shield in the stomach of a creature who can digest iron?” He asked and she sighed, not bothering to answer.

Clearing my throat, I grabbed their attention easily enough. “So... not to be a bother, or rude since you two seem to have a lot to talk about but... where will I be staying?” I asked and Pinkie bounced over.

“You can stay with me until we’ve found a place to put you up while you’re in town.” She said and I blinked.

Later that night, I stood in the middle of her room, a bland look on my face. Mouth set in a firm line, hears flat against my head. I wasn’t angry. I was... hell, even annoyed isn’t the right word. Annoyed indicates that something is wrong. The only thing really wrong with my situation was the bright pink pajama’s Pinkie Pie had put me in.

We’d arrived at Sugar Cube Corner about an hour after she’d suggested I stay with her. As a stallion, I’d have refused, vehemently. Stallions don’t stay with single mares without supervision. As a mare, I didn’t have the balls to refuse. Litterally. I tried to say no but the logic that is Pinkie Pie didn’t seem to care. “We’re both mares, so what’s wrong with us stayin’ in the same room?” The logic was... sound. She’d figured out almost immediately what my “problem” was and accepted it.

So here I was, in Pinkie Pie’s bedroom, the pink mare half way in a chest full of clothes that she was tossing out, her rump waving in the air. If I was still a stallion, I probably would have taken full advantage of the situation and been having my way with her by now. As a mare, I didn’t have the equipment, but my body was still reacting. Pinkie’s rump waving in the air, her tail flipped over her back, was definitely hot. I didn’t even realize I was staring until she’d looked back at me to throw a night gown at me, the gown covering my face and hiding the view.

“Get dressed silly.” She said and I levitated the gown off of me and watched as she tugged the yellow duck covered gown over her own body. Small detail about clothes here in Equestria. Considering Ponies usually run around naked, the magic of the nation keeping us modest in society, clothes were usually saved for special occasions. Like balls, galas, and other grand events. Wearing clothes any other time could be considered getting naked to any other world. Yes, I know about the world beyond the mirror. Blushing, I turned away quickly and pulled on the blue gown with teddy bears all over it.

Once we were both dressed, Pinkie smiled as we both climbed into bed. The same bed. The only bed in the room. I blushed furiously as she cuddled up against me, her hooves around me. Almost immediately she was asleep. Completely passed out. For all intents and purposes, dead to the world. It took me longer, but I did eventually fall asleep.

I wish I could tell you that I don’t remember anything after falling asleep. I wish I could tell you that my sleep was uneventful and boring, like it always had been. But I can’t. I can’t say that. I can’t say that because I “woke up” almost immediately in a bed that was floating. But it wasn’t my magic that had me floating. I wasn’t even in Pinkie Pie’s room anymore. Sitting up, I looked around and saw flowers. Was I in a bed outside of Ponyville? Peeking over the edge, my ears went back as I noticed that the ground was non-existent. The bed floated over a pool of vibrant blue water, around which rose a half dome of stone to keep the rain away. That dome lead to a path that lead to a door.

“Good evening, Timber Frost.” A voice said and I looked over as Princess Luna approached from the path.

“Princess Luna, but... wait... does that mean I’m asleep?” I asked and she nodded.

“You are indeed dreaming, Timber Frost. Rather than allowing you to continue your dream, which would have been a nightmare, I brought you here.” She said and I looked around. The bed lowered down, the path expanding to form a floor below the bed. “We have much to discuss.”

“About the spell that I read that did this to me?” I asked, waving a hoof at myself and she nodded, a small smile on her face. “Do you know what it was?” I asked and she nodded again.

“It is an ancient spell.”

“Not to be rude, Princess, but I gathered that much from the fact that it was inscribed in a tomb.” I said and she nodded.

“It is from a time when ponies were... less friendly... to one another. You have heard of the flower known as Cruel Joke, yes?” I nodded. “The spell is the origination of it. A spell cast on a beautiful flower to turn it into something equally as beautiful that would place a curse on any who touch its petals, causing some sort of chance that would make them hilarious to observe.”

“But... I don’t find this funny.” I said and she nodded.

“I would suspect not. The spell was much worse. While the flower causes hilarity at ones expense, the spell is meant to bring ones worries to the surface as reality.” She said and I blinked. “Their deepest worries.” I had been worrying, deep, deep, deep down that maybe my family would have been better off if I’d been born a mare. I guess I hadn’t expected something like this to actually make it a reality.

“So... is there a cure?”

“I’m afraid not. Cruel Joke can be ground up and blended into a cure, but this spell is permanent. There is no returning to being a stallion, I apologize.” She said and my ears drooped.

“Oh... I... I see...”

“It’s not all bad being a mare. It has its high points, even amongst the low points.” She said and I looked up at her. “We are more limber than most stallions. I have yet to meet a stallion who can fit through tight spaces.” She said and I watched as she conjured a narrow corridor of glass and almost effortlessly walked through it. “We do, however, suffer from estrus, which can be... rather trying to deal with.” She said and I nodded. Cousins had told me horror stories and I’d been so thankful I wouldn’t have to go through it. Joke’s on me. Haha. Great...

“Is this karma? I’ve heard horror stories about estrus from my cousins and I was always thankful not to have to deal with it. This has to be karma.”

“She would have nothing to do with this, Timber. The Princesses in charge of things such as fate, karma and time do not bother with the lives of every day ponies once they have set the waves in motion.” She said before slapping a hoof over her mouth.

“So there are Princesses in charge of things like this?” I asked, almost hopeful. If I’d been a dog, my tail would have been wagging.

“Yes and no. I shouldn’t have mentioned them, but because I did, I suppose I can tell you. Celestia and mine own cousins. Karma, Tempora, and a few others whose names are... often times difficult to pronounce. They dictate the lives of ponies, such as how they will play out and how they will end. Celestia and I merely govern over them.”

“So... can I... speak with one of them?” I asked, almost begging and Luna blinked at me.

“My dear Timber, I cannot take you to them.” She said and my ears drooped. “However...” She said and I looked up at her to find her doing something so un-princess-like I had to do a double take. She was rubbing the back of her head with a hoof. “I should not be telling you this, but Karma and Tempora will be making special appearances at the Grand Galloping Gala one week from today.” She said and I jumped to my hooves. “I will... delay Karma from leaving early so you may speak with her.”

“Thank you Princess.” I said, suddenly jumping on her and hugging her. It took me a moment to realize what I was doing. Blushing furiously, I stepped back and coughed politely into my hoof. “Um... sorry.”

“Do not apologize. It is a natural reaction to happy news. I must be on my way. I shall let you return to your pleasant dream.” She said and I smiled as she walked away, fading into a white light as my dream picked back up, a fossil of an ancient ponysaurus in my hoof. I smiled as my dream went about as I expected.

The next morning, I was, not exactly, rudely awakened by a sudden ball of energy landing on my back. Groaning, I looked up... and was greeted with the most adorable pairs of little brown eyes I’d ever seen. Squealing, I snagged the baby and hugged him tight, after a moment realizing I had, in fact, squealed. Releasing the baby, I blushed furiously and climbed out of bed, following him down the stairs after shucking off the night gown Pinkie had loaned me, folding it and putting it on the laundry basket. It wasn’t technically mine after all.

The baby flew over to Mrs. Cake, who smiled happily and waved me to the table, where Pinkie was already working through a pile of pancakes that almost reached the ceiling. Mr. Cake was sipping coffee and reading the morning paper, and the babies flew to their high chairs, where their mother placed a bowl of cereal each. As soon as the cereal was down, I expect there to be chunks and blobs of milk and cereal flying everywhere. I did not expect the babies to be eating as politely as Mr. Cake. “Did you have a good sleep dearie?” Mrs. Cake asked as she placed a pancake on a stack and carried them over to me.

“Yes, thank you. And thank you, Pinkie, for letting me stay with you last night.” I said and Pinkie smiled and nodded, her impossibly overstuffed mouth wobbling.

“Pinkie Pie, swallow your food before answering. You could choke.” Mrs. Cake said and Pinkie smiled and swallowed, the mushed up pancakes making her throat bulge before vanishing.

“Anything for a new friend. So, what’s your first plan?” She asked and I stared at my pancakes for a minute, barely aware of Mr. Cake’s eyes on me too.

“Well... I want to find out all I can about the magic that did this to me, so the best place to start would be the library...”

“Twilight already looked. She’s in Canterlot now going through the Royal Archives.” Pinkie said and I nodded. “Starlight went with her. She’s hoping three great minds can find something.”

“Three?”

“Yup. Starswirl said he’d help too. Though he wants to meet you, so we gotta hurry and catch the train to Canterlot.” She said and I froze, a bite of pancake half way to my mouth.

“Starswirl... as in Starswirl the Bearded?” I asked and she nodded. I almost squealed until she held up a hoof.

“Don’t start fan-fillying over him. When we met him, he was a real jerk. Even called Twilight a... well, I don’t want to repeat it. It was too mean to say.” She said and I blinked. He was mean? That doesn’t sound right, the stories I’d always read said he was a kind hearted individual who cared for all of Celestia’s subjects almost as much as she did.

“So... how soon are they expecting us?” I asked and Pinkie smiled as she scarfed the entire stack of pancakes on her plate in one bite. I blinked, not even seeing how it was physically possible to shove that many pancakes, whole, into ones throat without choking to death, only to be jerked away from the table, and the rest of my pancakes, as we raced for the train station. Next stop, Canterlot. Hurray... I’ll get to see the Boss... again... and my parents... I was so not looking forward to this.

Author's Note

Yay, chapter 2. Um... hm. Next chapter, Pinkie and Timber go to Canterlot to see Timber's "loving" mom and overbearing dad. What will we see when we get there? Wait and find out.