Royal Peanut Butter

Chapters

Love is a...
Bananas, Oubliettes, and Salt
Crystal Heart

Love is a...

There are days which by all rights should be lovely, but turn out to be the absolute pits. And this was definitely shaping up to be one of those days. The sun was shining. I was in the park overlooking the bay in Manehattan. I was drinking wine, and a very talented string quartet was playing a masterwork by Four Seasons in the background. And in just a few months I was marrying a wonderful stallion who loved me with all his heart. Really, by any objective standard, it was basically perfect. And it was all I could do not to sink my head into my hooves and groan.

Hi. I'm Cadance, Princess of Love, grumpy alicorn, and general spoiled brat. Trust me, I've lived with myself long enough to know it. I was well aware that I really did have everything, up to and including the horn. I didn't have much right to be irritable. But the truth is that this has never stopped anyone in the history of irritation. And I was completely exhausted and fed up. I'd been in the city for a week now, spending my time dancing from one charity event to another. Time I should have been spending with Shining Armor, or at least planning the wedding. Chatting up the sort of ponies who would pay a thousand bits a plate in the hope I'd drop a good word in Celestia's ear. Always Celestia of course. Never mind Luna, who yes was my adopted aunt already, thank you very much. I was sick of false smiles and back-trotting insincere flattery. And especially sick of just 'casually' showing up at a mingling party like this one, pretending I wasn't the main attraction and everyone wasn't glancing at me with my back turned. I hate playing on my status, and I always have. It reminds me too much of the old joke. 'My dear we've established that, now we're just haggling over price.' It's not that I didn't want to help any way I could, but I was a Princess for Harmony's sake. There had to be a better way to raise awareness for a cause. It was bad enough I had taken to discretely drafting tax bills against the most obsequious to amuse myself.

What I'm trying to get at here is that I was in no mood for listening to classical music and sipping wine. So when a grey pegasus mare in a sharp suit trotted up to me it was the best thing that had happened all day, though I didn't know it at the time. Not that that the sight was unwelcome. I notice beauty, it's just not something I can help. And she definitely had classical Pegasopolan good looks. It combined with her charcoal coat and cerulean feathers and mane to form a striking contrast. And her crisp business suit perfectly matched her manner.

"Princess Mi Amore Cadenza" she said, giving a bow. "I'm so pleased to meet you. Not to mention pleasantly surprised."

"Please, Cadance will do just fine thank you" I said almost automatically. Everypony tries to impress me by knowing my full title, and it didn't even work the first time. And besides, I was still grumpy. "And I find it hard to believe I'm that much of a surprise."

"Oh but you are, to me at least. I have to admit I didn't check the guest list. I was here for the appearance and braced to be bored out of my skull. But then here you are."

I laughed at that. As a line it was right up there with 'I hate places like this, don't you?' But there's a reason those lines work, and I was in the mood for some honesty. "Well, have a seat and we'll be bored together. As long as you tell me your name. I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage."

She actually smirked at that. "Well, only a little. My name is Chrysanthemum Crown."

"The plastics importer?" The name clicked from my notes once I heard it of course, the reclusive CEO of Best Moon.

"Indeed, for my sins. Plastics, resins, latex, and all manner of organic goo."

"Well in that case, I hardly expected to see you here either. Rumor has it you spend all your time lurking in a volcanic island fortress somewhere plotting mergers."

"Ha! More of a desert lair really." She leaned forward conspiratorially. "In a volcano the minions keep falling into lava, and the travel time to the mainland is just murder." We both laughed at that, and she sat down next to me. "Actually, believe it or not, I really am here for the charity. The Fortunate Foster Foundation does good work, and I think my rare appearances multiply my impact."

I nodded. "It does, I wish I had that excuse. And I know how much Best Moon donates to family causes. Far more than any other comparable company. I've definitely been impressed."

"Nothing is more important than family" she said firmly. "I'm surprised you've heard of that, it seems a bit outside your domain."

"Oh no not at all" I said, warming up to my favorite topic. "Ponies often make that mistake. There are many types of love, and I'm interested in all of them. Romantic love, Eros, is just one. There's Storge, which is family love..."

"Philia, which is friendship, and Agape, which is unconditional love" Chrysanthemum finished with a surprised smile. "I should have known you've read Heart Fire's writings. They're fairly obscure."

I leaned forward conspiratorially myself. "Well, don't tell anyone. But I'm actually Heart Fire."

"No!"

"Yes." I couldn't help grinning at her reaction. "After I ascended I felt like I had to make a statement to the world, but I didn't want to trade on my horn for authority. So I joined all the other amateur philosophers and started to publish anonymously. It was very much The Thing To Do at the time." I gave a bit of a self deprecating laugh and shook my head. "Well you can see how well that went. Hence the the charity meet-and-greets these days."

Chrysanthemum still looked stunned. "And, what, you think that had no impact? You do realize I've read everything you've written? At least if you don't have any other pseudonyms I should know." She gave another of her quirked smiles. I could get used to that, I thought. "I think I like you... Cadance. And that's not something I say often. So at risk of sounding like a fanfilly, please. Call me Chrissi."

I am Queen Chrysalis. Mother of Changelings, Heart of the Swarm, Rightful Ruler of All I Survey. And my day was rapidly spiraling out of control. It was supposed to be simple. Raise some money for the orphans, seeding more love through Equestria. Improve the image of our front company and keep on raking in bits for the hive. Telepathically glean enough information from a tycoon or two for a 'chance encounter' with a 'lonely ex' later, and have it all photographed for blackmail. Lay a few eggs, hurry them home, and resume plotting the invasion of Canterlot. Simple.

Instead, She was here. Cadance, Princess of Food. The linchpin of the whole invasion. The one mare who could completely ruin everything if she became suspicious. All interactions with her should have been carefully planned out in advance, all possibilities accounted for. So what in Tartarous had possessed me to introduce myself? To sit down and chat with her? Never mind that she was a pouring fountain of Agape with a steadily increasing flow of Philia that glowed to my empathy like the sun. Or that she was the one who invented those words in the first place. Heart Fire's writings had redefined our understanding of love, and with it our hunting methods. We'd always known there were some types of love we couldn't or shouldn't eat, but no one had managed to articulate that Eros and Storge were food while Philia and Agape were not. She was one of very few ponies I actually respected. And on top of that she was really easy to talk to, and I hadn't had company up to my standard in ages.

Ah well, buck scheming. It's not as if my improvisational skills weren't up for it.

"So you say you're not in the mood for classical music, even as good as this" I nodded to the quartet. They really were excellent. I should make a note of them for when I ruled. Talent like this was too rare to cocoon. "What would you rather be doing instead?"

"My fiance" she said, without missing a beat, and held a serious expression for moment before we both broke down and laughed. "No, no. Sorry. No. That was hardly Princessly of me was it."

"Don't be ridiculous." Honestly, these Ponies. They don't understand anything. "You are the Princess. Anything you do is royal. Why you could stand, clear your throat, let out a belch that shattered glass, and there would be nothing anypony could say about it."

She gasped in mock offense. "Chrissi!"

"It's true! I bet you could start a trend of burping to compliment the meal." I quirked a grin. "You should do it."

"I don't want to."

"But you should."

"Hmph, I refuse" she said snootily, putting her nose in the air, and giggled. Yes, the Princess of Love giggles. In retrospect, it should have been obvious.

"Well, far be it for me to order around a princess."

"Oh stop it."

It just went on like that, trading banter and teasing each other like equals. Imagine, treating a mere Princess as an equal! Yet shockingly I found I was actually enjoying myself. Normally this would be where I started flirting, using subtle telepathic probes to find the best approach to tempt infidelity. But honestly I was enjoying myself too much to work. And I am the Queen. I can take a night off if I want to. Besides, I told myself, learning more about her and having a persona she trusts before the abduction will only help. She was also fun to talk to. And it turned out that she desperately needed my perspective.

"...and then he started going on about the superiority of unicorn magic. I felt like spreading my wings and blowing him right off the mountain."

"Well why didn't you?" She stared, and I rolled my eyes. "Oh, catch him again if you really feel you have to. But really, mouthing off to you like that? He thinks that just because you grew a horn you forgot where you came from?"

She shook her head a bit sadly. "Most of them don't know where I came from. They assume I was a unicorn before, if they think about it at all. It all comes back to how they think of Celestia as the only real Princess, even if I've been around for centuries and the Diarchy is restored."

"Well they're a bunch of fools." That was just ridiculous. Why with her beauty and power... "You should stand up to those horny old goats in the nobility, show them who's boss."

"It's hard to blame them though" she said. "Forty generations of tradition don't change in a hurry. They don't even remember that Celestia also ascended, or that she was an Earth Pony in the beginning. Nopony wants to know. They think of her as halfway to a goddess, and they like it that way." She looked down. "It's a lot to compete with."

I just scoffed. "You'd be amazed how fast things can change. And traditions had to get their start somewhere. Do you think I broke into the upper crust by waiting for them to give me respect?" She look thoughtful at that, so I pressed on. "Power and influence aren't given for free." Too right. They were earned and paid for. I pushed down painful memories and kept on topic. "The ones who are winning the game always keep the rules that put them on top. Eventually you'll have to start taking what's yours. And," I added with a grin, "when you do, if you're stubborn enough and you kick up enough fuss, you'll find that they'll rewrite the rules to accommodate you." Of course, soon all of this will be mine, I added to myself. But oh well. Good advice was free. And I'd make a point to knock some noble heads together for her when I took over. It was the least I could do in payment for a lovely evening.

The party was winding down, and despite everything I was sorry about that. "Thank you Chrissi" I said during a lull. "Really. You have no idea how you've saved my evening."

"Oh please, it's not as if you haven't done me the same favor. And it's not every day you meet a Princess. A real one," she added emphatically, "whatever anypony else thinks."

I smiled. I'd been doing that a lot tonight. "Thank you." Then I spotted something out of the corner of my eye, and giggled. "Oh, look over there." The servers were clearing Twelve Percent's plate, and had just found the note I had teleported under it. The waiter glanced down and choked, and I could see him struggling not to burst out in laughter as he tucked it into his apron and resumed work.

"Cadance, what did you do?"

"Slipped a proposed tax bill under his plate" I said, quite pleased with myself. "It has a special focus on pretensions of piracy and really stupid red beards." Twelve Percent was well known as a particularly smarmy banker. He actually kept a parrot and had a private airship with black sails. Celestia's chief forensic accountant Sky Scribe was looking into him, but I wasn't about to share that.

"Why Princess, such tyranny" Chrissi said, with a grin. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"Oh hush you, it's just a joke. I bet he's at least as rude to the caterers as he is to me, and it'll do them good to know that I noticed."

She nodded, then suddenly got a suspicious look on her face and lifted her own plate. "A tax credit for rescuing Cadance from despair at the entire upper class?" She seemed torn between amusement and confusion, and it was glorious. "How? When?"

"A Princess has her secrets" I said, in my best imitation of Celestia, and amusement won out. The sun was setting over the bay and the cool night breeze was ruffling our feathers. "I really should wrap up here and head back to Canterlot. But don't be a stranger okay? We'll arrange a visit together. No event or something as an excuse, just us."

She stopped stock still. For a moment I was worried that she had gotten the wrong idea. But no, when I reached out with my magic all I felt from her was the glowing bond of a new friendship.

"...I'd like that Cadance. Thank you" she finally said. She turned to walk away, and suddenly I remembered something.

"Swing dancing!" I blurted out, and she looked back at me in confusion.

"Earlier you asked what I'd rather be doing with you. Swing dancing. I haven't had a good partner in ages, Shining prefers waltz or contra."

"...I'll hold you to that then, Princess" she said, recovering her poise. And she trotted off into the night. I shook my head, smiling, and made one last round of the crowd. I gave a few apologies, and complimented the quartet. And finally I dramatically silhouetted myself against the sunset and leaped for the sky, starting my flight back to Canterlot. It really had been a perfect evening.

Damn it damn it damn it damn it DAMN IT!

Bananas, Oubliettes, and Salt

There are a few rules that every changeling should know, especially a Queen. Always have an exit plan. Don't hiss in public. Check yourself for mites at least once a day. And never, but never, catch feelings for your food. Missing Cadance was stupid. In just a few months I would have her in my grasp, and I could spend all the time with her that I wanted. And waiting around for a summons from her, like some commoner, was beneath me. I told myself this many times in the week after our chance meeting, just to be sure I understood. In the brood pits, laughing at a joke I'd remembered. Reading a romance novel before bed, imagining her thoughts on it. Taking her form on a whim while leading the drones in battle drills. This was ridiculous, foolish sentimentality and I was better than this. My sisters would be appalled. I had to be better than this, I had to make sure I won. It would be best if I cut off contact entirely and assigned scouting to my spies. It would be worth it in the end.

So naturally when I saw her name in a pile of official correspondence for "Chrysanthemum Crown" I eagerly snatched it up.

Dear Chrissi,

Hi! I've been wanting to write you sooner but everything's been so busy. Princessing it up, as ever... But I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I still owe you a dance or three. I've worked out a disguise spell, so no paparazzi. And there may also be drinks. So break off your plots of corporate conquest and dominion, they can wait for a night on the town. What is it I'm supposed to say, 'have your people write my people'?

Cadance, High Muckity Muck of Something or Other

ps: It's such a relief to be able to write a casual letter for once, you have no idea. Well, actually, maybe you do.
pps: Shining says hello, he's looking forward to meeting you.

Oh to Tartarus with it, I thought. I make the rules. Breaking them this once won't hurt anything. And a little intelligence gathering never hurt anyone.

As it turned out, we didn't go dancing that first night. Oh we tried, don't get me wrong. But, as often happened around Chrissi, things got a bit out of hoof. It all started with me writing legislation in a top hat, which should have been a warning sign.

I was scribbling away at the fourth draft of an education reform proposal. Most of Equestrian higher education relied on apprenticeships and a formalized system of paid internships. It was a good idea in theory, matching up young talent with work experience in a relevant industry. But an unintended side effect was that most accredited academic institutions in Equestria were the schools of unicorn magic, with add on departments in other fields like history and alchemy. The net result was a strong racial bias among academic professionals, researchers, and engineers. It was well past time somepony did something about that. Shining had been a treasure helping with the research, and was busily proofreading the pages as I finished them, when the doorbell rang.

It was at this point that I realized we had both lost track of time, and that I had gotten only as far in preparation for a night out as putting on a hat.

As I walked down the street towards Cadance's house, I couldn't help but see what she meant when she said Celestia was held in higher regard. Oh I knew she had chosen to live in an upper city mansion rather than stay in the palace, despite Celestia's repeated offers. But what I couldn't help thinking in person was how normal it was. When you hear the words 'royal estate' a particular image forms. You picture sprawling acreage, priceless art, a tasteful seraglio, a garden with the petrified bodies of your enemies...the usual trappings.

Cadance's mansion was small, verging almost on quaint. I got a good look at it as I walked to the door. Very pretty, yes. Classical columns and coral stucco walls with a tile roof. That must have reminded Cadance of her youth, they certainly took me back a bit. Lovely and well tended flowers, Roses with Love-Lies-Bleeding and Forget-Me-Nots kept in bloom all summer through Earth Pony magic. Morning Glory too, for some reason, sleeping in the evening air. Cozy enough, to be sure, but it could have belonged to any moderately wealthy pony. Not what you'd expect for one of the three most powerful ponies in the land. There wasn't even a guard presence, beyond a discrete watch post across the way. And, of course, her fiance.

I steeled myself as I knocked on the door. I had met Cadance and, with no preparation, interacted with her without suspicion. Even somehow befriended her. But Shining Armor was the Captain of the Royal Guard. I would have to be constantly on guard around him, make sure my disguise was flawless.

A unicorn mare in a maid outfit opened the door, and I beheld a scene of chaos. Papers and books were flying everywhere in blue and pink telekinetic auras as Cadance and Shining Armor struggled to restore the living room to a suitable state, while the maid looked at me with an apologetic expression. From what I could tell, either a library had exploded in the vicinity or they'd turned the living room into a working study and had been suddenly seized with regret. And Cadance, for some reason, was wearing a top hat and nothing else. I blinked and actually felt myself blushing. Seeing her in such a disheveled state was somehow more intimate than seeing her naked would have been. And ponies were significantly more prudish in that regard.

There was a thud as the pink-lit books hit the floor. Apparently Shining Armor had seen me, since he was staring with a foolish expression on his face. Oops, I thought, that can't be good. I couldn't blame him, of course. After all I had made an effort to be even more stunning than usual. But Cadance would be furious! I quickly reached out with my empathic senses to figure out the best means of damage control...and all I felt coming from Cadance was amusement.

"Chrysanthemum! See Shiny? I told you she was beautiful" she said delightedly, apparently giving up on the cleaning as a bad job and shoving everything into the corner. Then she closed his mouth with a brief flare of magic.

What, I thought, stunned. She'd told her fiance about how beautiful her new friend was. She thought his stunned reaction was funny. What. I probed deeper, trying to find something sensible like jealousy or anger, but it just wasn't there. I only felt trust. I contained a frown and switched to Shining Armor, trying to understand. And attraction was certainly there, in spades, but with no desire to act on it whatsoever. I didn't understand. Out of curiosity I switched to sense love. And I was overwhelmed. There was a flow of eros and agape between them strong as a current and deep as the sea. It was intoxicating, I'd never seen or felt anything like it. I had to snap my senses off sharply before I lost composure. Well, I thought, I'm never trying that again.

"I'm sorry for the mess" Cadance continued. She was oblivious to my sensory overload and confusion, thank Shub-Niggurath. "I've really been looking forward to seeing you, I just got an idea in my head and I lost track of time. Do you mind me taking a minute or two to get ready?"

"Um, no. No, of course not" I said, wrestling my brain back on track for a moment. I couldn't understand how they could feel that way, and yet go on with their everyday lives. How they could so completely trust each other, why they would ever make their hearts so vulnerable?

I wondered what it would be like to be loved that way. To be loved as myself.

"Thank you" Cadance's voice cut across my thoughts, and hugged me quickly with her wing before darting towards what I assumed were the bedrooms. "I'll be right back. Oh, and don't mind Shining" she added. "He's always a doofus around pretty girls." And with that she vanished, leaving Shining and I staring at each other in awkward silence.

"Is she...always like that?" I eventually said after giving myself a shake. "I know I haven't known her very long but that seemed..."

"Manic? Flirty? Indescribably awkward?" Shining said, also shaking his head, though he was smiling. "That was pretty extreme. But in private? Always at least a little bit yeah. You either learn to love it or it drives you mad."

"Or both?" I suggested, and he chuckled.

"Well I can't really deny that." He gestured to the couch, which I took, while he pulled over a chair that wasn't covered in...school enrollment statistics? "She's been especially on a roll lately, I think you inspired her."

I blinked. "I what?"

"Well, ever since you met she's been talking about taking a more active role in politics. Using her position for something more tangible than raising awareness. And she's blaming you for the encouragement." He was smiling, looking both proud and pleased at the prospect.

She actually listened? Not that she shouldn't have, of course. It was my advice. But still. "I didn't realize she'd take it to heart so much" I said aloud.

"Well, that's Cadance. If she's anything, she's passionate. She was definitely unhappy. And I'd been trying to talk her into doing something similar already, but it looks like you really got through to her. So thank you."

How many people had ever listened to me when I had no authority? "I'm glad I could help" I said aloud. I looked around the cluttered room. "You know, don't take this the wrong way. But none of this is what I expected."

Shining nodded. "You expected the Princess to be more regal?"

"More or less" I admitted. Fortunately he smiled at that.

"Well, you were lucky enough to meet her on a day when she wasn't in the mood to pretend. This" and he gestured to the room, scattered legislation and research and all "is who she wants to be, not who she has to be. And she trusts you enough to let you see it. So remember that when she makes herself peanut butter and banana sandwiches and margaritas."

I quirked a smile at him. "Now that was awfully specific."

"You'll see" he replied enigmatically.

"Hmm, and what about you? What are the secrets of the Captain of the Royal guard?" I asked, in a jokingly nefarious tone. I wasn't actually looking for secrets. Much. I scanned the room, looking for a hint to follow up with. And to my surprise I found it on a bookshelf. "Hold on, Ogres and Oubliettes?"

"Well, I do like to run a game when I can. Cadance likes it too. Why, do you play?"

"Actually yes, though I hardly have time anymore. Or anyone to do it with." It was true enough. I had young drones play for infiltration practice, but it just wasn't the same. I flapped over to the shelf. "Lots of supplements too. Do you have Kandra of Ironstone, with the shapeshifters?" I'd gotten that supplement published actually, it was never that popular but misinformation on Changelings never hurt.

By the time Cadance emerged, looking unfairly hot in a red and black ladybug dress, Shining and I were chatting away about the travesty of fourth edition and the many horrible deaths in the Tomb of Horrors. She didn't say anything, just smiled fondly and summoned a few bags of dice. It was all downhill from there.

***

"Sire, a word in private." The unicorn chancellor pulled me aside into a meeting chamber, looking nervous. "The shapeshifters grow ever bolder sire" he whispered after checking we were alone. Heh, if only he knew, I thought. "In fact...they're in this room." And with that, the chancellor's pony guise melted away to reveal the blobby, many eyed form below.

What, I thought, as a poisoned needle rammed into my chest. I melted to the ground, my own disguise failing and twisting uncontrollably as the knockout poison spread. The last words I heard before I lost consciousness were "Well now I just feel like an idiot."

***

"WHAT?!?" I shrieked, glaring at Shining Armor across the table. For his part, he had an insufferable grin.

"Don't look at me. You're the one who ordered your minions to infiltrate the palace" he said with a smirk. "I even rolled their targets randomly."

"But..."

"And then you never gave them updates on your own plans."

"How could I find them? They were in disguise!"

"And then you botched your fort save, and didn't even think to question the Chancellor's motives."

"Of course not, he was my loyal Chancellor!"

"And now you know why everyone hates shapeshifters" he said. I harrumphed, but didn't deny it. "At least you aren't dead. And really" he added, "given how low level the minions you get from Leadership are, you should be proud of them doing so well. That one might even deserve a promotion." He should have been a changeling with that delivery. I glared.

"Yeah Chrissi, don't worry. You'll be fine" said Cadance, far less stoic. She was trying to suppress a giggle at my expression and failing miserably. "I'll patch you up in no time, and we can get back to tracking down the Infernomancer."

"Hmph. Well, you may have foiled my plots for now Shining Armor. But the Subtle and Insidious Gorblach will have her revenge!"

Cadance did break down in giggles at that. "You know, you sound just like a Neigh Orleans showmare I saw once. If you want my opinion" she added, leaning forward "I think Shining was just still sore about the Pudding Incident."

"We've been playing for less than three hours. We shouldn't have any incidents yet" he said, flushing. I ignored him.

The night passed amicably. And in the end the heroic shapeshifter and her lovely assistant did indeed defeat the Infernomancer of Toxel, who poisoned the hearts of ponies. The whole experience was deeply surreal. Chrysanthemum Crown had never been a real pony, which left me in the unfamiliar position of acting however I wanted. And they still liked me. They liked me. I didn't know how to deal with that simple fact. Even moreso when they cheered on my shapeshifter in her gambits to save the kingdom from their corrupted royalty.

Eventually Shiny (and yes, the nickname was contagious) begged off to bed on account of duty tomorrow, and the servants had long ago been dismissed. But neither of us suffered from any such limitations. And, as promised, Cadance made a batch of margaritas and pb&b sandwiches. So we stayed up chatting, secretly matching alicorn constitution against changeling fortitude. And before long I found myself sprawled out on the couch, looking down on Cadance as she sat perfectly comfortably on the floor telling stories I was quite sure her sober self would rather not mention.

"So she's wearing the Prench Maid outfit, swishing her tail far too wide, and I already know I'm going to have to have a talk with her. But then, if you can believe it, she actually closes the door. And she sidles up, puts on a sultry voice and the bedroom eyes. And she asks if there's anything, anything at all, I need help with while Shining is in Canterlot. Honestly! I'm Princess of Love, not Princess of Porn."

Well there goes plan number three, I thought.

"I'll tell you what I should have done. I should have told her that yes, there was, and to lock the door. Then I would have told her to not let anypony in, done an illusion of teleport-summoning Shining, and dragged it to the bedroom. With sound effects." I burst out into laughter. Cadance had such a wicked streak, and I loved it. She was laughing too. "Oh I am such a bad pony. But she would have deserved it, hitting on an engaged mare. Of course, all I really did was have a talk with her about it. Help her understand boundaries. It's hard being one of the good guys."

"Mm, yes, a terrible naughty pony you are for having such thoughts. I'll bet you had Shining properly punish you for that."

"Oh did I ever!" She said, then gasped and covered her mouth at what had slipped out. "Oh I did not just say that! Please tell me I didn't say that out loud."

"Didn't say what?" I answered with a wink, and had another sip. She was so beautiful, I thought looking down at her, and so cute when she was flustered. Especially still wearing that ladybug dress, and with those ridiculous sandwiches of hers. I could feel a happy glow and a shimmer dancing through me, starting in my chest and darting far lower.

Oh no.

Oh no oh no. I'd felt this too often in others to not recognize it in myself. There was no way, no way I could let myself start falling for the Princess. By the Old Ones, I was planning to kidnap her and invade her home! I had to get out of here.

But Cadance was laughing, and blushing, and ruffling her wings, and she cared about me. And no matter how much I'd regret it in the morning, I couldn't make myself care.

Crystal Heart

The worst thing about love is how it can take you over. I should know, it's the basis of changeling mind magic. It's really nothing but love, laced with just enough Deceit to change the context. You have to understand, I knew that allowing myself to have feelings for Cadance was a horrible idea. I knew there was no way things could possibly work out. I knew that indulging my feelings would just end in pain. But it just felt too good to stop myself from seeing her. And putting myself achingly close to what I wanted and couldn't have became it's own perverse, desperate thrill.

And so we wrote, and we visited, and we talked. Sometimes with Shining, sometimes without. It was infuriatingly easy to see what she saw in him. Handsome, powerfully magical, surprisingly intelligent, and completely deserving of the absolute trust she placed in him. But for me it was always her. I could acknowledge that he was, barely, good enough for her, but I never wanted him for myself.

As weeks rolled on wild scenarios drifted through my head. Somehow, impossibly, Shining betraying her trust and Cadance turning to me for comfort. They both betrayed Celestia out of love for me, and we ruled Equestria together. Once I woke from a dream, panting and soaked in sweat. I had dreamed Shining put me in a collar and petted me, telling me what a good little bug I was for surrendering, while Cadance did wonderful things to me that made me collapse to my knees. I couldn't tell if I was terrified or desperately aroused, and in the end I had to throw myself into a cold mountain lake to even pretend to go back to sleep.

And all through this, the invasion plans progressed. We harvested love, and I used it to lay enough soldier eggs to put us far over sustainable capacity. We cycled the active warriors through hibernation pods to ensure they all received training while holding off starvation. My spies brought back reports of guard dispositions. And Best Moon funds, along with carefully planted rumors and research, led to Luna embarking for Somnambula on a long quest to recover her ancient swords. I was Queen, I had to do my best. It had to be worth it in the end. It was shaping up to be one of my greatest victories, and it made me sick.

It's amazing how close you can grow to somepony, and how quickly. Friendship is...well, you know. We'd barely known each other for two months, and between the wedding planning and my royal duties and her business we hadn't seen each other nearly as much as we wanted. But with the constant letters and the instant connection we had felt it seemed we had known each other forever. Known each other well enough to ask anything.

One night, she asked me about Shining Armor.

"Cadance..." she asked, and for once there was a crack in her endless confidence, "how do you love Shining?"

I paused to think before I answered, confused. Not why, but how. She'd asked so seriously, and I didn't even know what she wanted. "I don't know what you mean" I finally admitted.

"You love him. He's the light of your world." She stated it as an absolute fact, which it was. "I know why. But I don't understand how. Especially when..." and then she looked down. And I understood. I'd seen that expression before. "...when you know you're going to see him grow old and die?"

I winced, even though I'd known what was coming. I wanted to be mad at her for asking, but I couldn't blame her. Everyone thought it eventually, if they thought at all. Of course Chrysanthemum would be one of the few willing to risk asking aloud. And even she looked deeply uncomfortable, something which I thought was impossible. I sighed, let the anger go before it formed, and thought how I'd reply.

"Ponies don't understand love" I eventually said. "They think you can only truly love one pony, or love one at a time. But it doesn't work that way. I've never married before, but Shiny isn't the only pony I've loved. And Harmony willing he won't be the last. He knows that." I smiled sadly, remembering all our talks about this very topic. "He knows that, and he's giving me his whole life even though I can't give him mine. Because he really does understand the most important truth. Love doesn't take away. Love is a gift. What matters is what we do with it when it comes."

Chrissi nodded. She looked sad, and small somehow. That was not what I was expecting. And then I realized something.

"But that's not what you were asking is it?" I said softly. She looked up sharply. "I'm sorry if I'm misunderstanding, okay? And I don't want to pry even if I'm right. But, have you lost somepony you loved?"

My face fell. Of course. Of course she could see right through me. This is why you should never let others get so close.

"Yes" I said. "But not the way you mean. Family, not a lover." She nodded, not saying a word. And it came to me that she had meant it. She wouldn't demand more than I would tell, wouldn't judge. She really did just want to help her friend, who she saw was in pain.

"I miss my sisters" I said quietly. It slipped out before I could stop it. Cadance looked at me in surprise. Of course I hadn't told her about them, even in hints. No one knew about them, after all these centuries. No one but me. "It's the strangest thing. We fought. Said horrible things to each other, betrayed each other. We were rivals in everything." Memories were rushing back, ones I usually kept locked away. Old battles flashed before my eyes, reeking of smoke and ichor. "But what I never understood... if anyone threatened any of us, we'd all fight for each other like manticores." Mantodea pulling me from a minotaur prison cell, her face covered in old scars from my claws. Standing united against Dragonlord Firestar, driving him from the wastes. A truce, one winter solstice, pretending we'd never molted and the Brood War never came. Some of my feelings must have shown on my face, because Cadance wrapped me in a comforting wing. I didn't need comfort. It was an old wound. I was Queen. I was strong. I snuggled close beside her.

"What happened to them?" Cadance asked gently.

"They died. A long time ago." The memories kept coming. I saw Lepidoptera's last stand in her brood chamber, a wall of my soldier's corpses before a ravaging behemoth. Tasting Mantodea's blood, sure it was another body double, only to feel sick recognition...and even deeper sickness as the toxin she had eaten at the last took hold on me. Treacherous to the end. The final duel with Apocrita as the storm raged and her parasitic larva twisted in my chest. I was appalled to find I was crying, shuddering and sobbing as she held me, but I couldn't stop. "I miss them. I miss them so much. I always tell myself they're why I have to fight so hard, make it worth it. I promised I would make them proud."

Cadance just held me, making shushing noises and stroking my mane. "It's alright Chrysanthemum. It's alright little flower." It was comforting, but at the same time it felt like I was being stabbed. Calling my full name and a pet name to call on foalhood memories like I actually had them, like this wasn't just fake. It wasn't alright, it would never be alright, and she didn't know why. Could never know why. Everything I'd thought earlier about her loving who I really am was wrong. I was a monster, I had always been a monster. I'd just let myself pretend otherwise for a while. I pulled away from her like she was burning me. "Chrissi..." she said. But she didn't reach for me. I could see her struggling not to, and I'll never be able to express how much I appreciated that.

"I'm sorry" I managed to choke out. "Thank you, for everything. I have to go but I mean it. Thank you." And I staggered out of the house, despondent, leaving behind an alicorn staring after me with wide eyes.

She hadn't gotten far by the time I caught up with her. She was far too upset to fly, after all. She was trudging down the street, quietly sobbing, and the sight almost broke my heart.

"Chrissi please wait" I said. She didn't turn around, didn't look at me. But she did stop. "I'm sorry I brought up something so painful for you. And we don't have to talk anymore, or even be in the same room if you don't want to okay? But...you shouldn't be completely alone. Not when you're like this. Stay the night? Please?"

"Alright" she said after a moment, so quietly I could barely hear her. She didn't move though. I walked up to her cautiously, extended a wing to guide her, ready to pull away if she flinched. She didn't, rustling under my wing and up against me as I led us back. "Thank you" she said, even more quietly.

I took her inside and led her to the bed, blessing my horn as I tucked her in the sheets while making tea in the kitchen. Shining was sleeping in the officer's quarters tonight, something we'd normally both be cursing, but tonight it worked out well. Her sobs had died down to hiccups as I brought her the cup of fresh tea. She sipped it quietly.

"Cadance" she asked, looking up at me. "Can love make you change? Can it... make you a better pony?"

I sighed sadly. That was another question I got often, usually in horrible circumstances. "No" I answered. This was a hard truth I had always sworn to be honest about. The cost of doing otherwise was too high. "It can make you want to be better, and it can bring out your best qualities. But love won't change anypony. Not your love or somepony else's. They have to do that themselves." On instinct I bent down and kissed her forehead. "I don't think you're a bad pony, no matter how much you're hurting or what you feel guilty for. If somepony has hurt you, it's not because you didn't love them enough. And if they're still hurting you," I added, my voice going cold, "you only have to tell me and I will make them stop. Okay?"

Chrissi nodded quietly. "Cadance, could you...please hold me while I sleep?" I felt my heart break again. She just wanted comfort and looked like she thought she was asking for the Sun and Moon. Without a word I slipped into bed and held her close.

I had a moment of clarity that night, drifting to sleep in the arms of the mare I loved. It came calmly, and with complete and utter conviction. Cadance, I thought, you're going to destroy me.

One night, weeks later, Chrissi and I were staggering out of the Flamingo Dance Club. I had my favorite swishy ladybug dress and top hat, while she had another of the suits she preferred. We had finally had our dance or three, and what dances they were. We were sweaty, our back legs were aching, and we were glowing fit to rival the club's neon sign.

"We have conquered!" Chrissi was happily proclaiming. "Laid low our enemies and swept all before us in complete domination!"

"Chrissi, it was only a dance off" I said. But I couldn't even pretend to make it sound like a rebuke.

"Only a dance off so hot it set the floor on fire. They will never rise from the ashes of their defeat! I guarantee you, between the two of us, everyone in that club is still putting their eyes back in their sockets and picking their mouths off the floor."

I giggled a bit. "Well...maybe. Or definitely. But you still don't see me gloating about it."

"You enjoy the moment your way, I'll enjoy it mine. But you can't deny it was a moment. I thought I was good, but when you took the lead...whew. I didn't know the equine body could move that way."

"It doesn't, not by itself" I said with a grin. "That's part of why I love it so much. Swing was a minotaur dance, it's made for bipeds. The only way ponies can do it is by cooperating. And," I added, bumping hips "to really shine you need the right partner."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Are you going to tell me now that learning to move together in a new and unfamiliar way is a metaphor for love?"

"Oh I have a whole lecture on ways to make it a metaphor" I replied. "Love, sex, diplomacy...Shiny's rubbed off on me." I saw her snort at that and I rolled my eyes myself. She didn't even need to say the double entendres aloud anymore. "It is also complete hogwash. Anything can be a metaphor if you want it to be. I just like dancing. Especially with you."

She gave me another of her strange quirked smiles, and completely unexpectedly wrapped me in a close hug. I leaned into it, sighing happily. And just like that I felt my heart glowing, felt the rosy glow even as she backed up, still smiling, and gestured for me to walk along beside her. Oh no, I thought. That's all I need. At least please, Harmony, let it be unreciprocated. Out of respect for her privacy I'd kept my magic to myself since we met. But I reached out now. And there it was, a mutual love bond clear as day. Young still, just infatuation, but with deep potential and strong for its age.

Well, I thought, that's just great.

The night of our dance I woke to contractions, gravid and my bed already full of eggs. Embarrassment at laying in my sleep warred with shock. This was impossible. I knew I didn't have enough love for more eggs, never mind the other prerequisite. The closest I had come all week was that dance with Cadance. And no matter how intense it was, that wouldn't have been enough. Sex wasn't strictly required for changeling reproduction, but laying could only be triggered by some form of physical intimacy with someone...who...was giving you love...

The gasp came from another set of eggs emerging at that moment, not from panic. That arrived completely separately.

It's another hard truth that not all love can or should lead to a relationship. Not even mutual love with no complications, where all partners try their best to make things work. Too many ponies have torn themselves apart for a love, genuine and strong, that led nowhere happy when acted on.

I know that I can hold many loves in my heart without competition or jealousy. It's simply a fact of my life. And I know Shining Armor's heart as well as my own, and it's also a fact that he can't. It isn't a flaw. When he loves he devotes himself completely, body heart and soul. But it's the way he's made. He would see the necessary compromises of such a relationship as a betrayal, especially on his part, and then blame himself for not being accepting enough. He would leave in tears, convinced he wasn't who I needed, when in truth his love had always been far more than enough.

I was resolved to talk to Chrysanthemum, and soon, so we wouldn't have to lose each other. Be honest about everything, so we could work together to end our infatuation and come out as friends. Transitioning Eros to Philia is a tricky process to navigate, but I'm the Princess of Love. If it can be done, I can do it.

All those plans were cut short when I received the letter saying we had to talk, privately, and soon.

Cadance loved me. It was a simple thing really. But that means nothing. Gravity is a simple thing. I was in utter turmoil. She loved me. She was my friend. I've been literally thousands of people ponies have loved. Mares, stallions, griffons, minotaurs... it's a very good trick. Be the one they think you are, take the love that's meant for someone else. Sex, cuddles, a home cooked meal...you could have it all.

She loved me.

And all her love would cost would be betraying my sisters.

We hatched alone. We grew up together, fighting to survive in the wastes. All we had was each other. Until the day of our last molting, when our genes revealed Discord's sick joke. There can only be one Queen.

Everything had to be worth it. I had to make it worth it for what I did to them. I had to make them proud. There was only one right thing to do. It should have been an easy choice. It had never even been a choice before. And now that it was one, I couldn't bear to make it.

I was sitting on a park bench when Cadance arrived. Ordinarily you'd be lucky to find somewhere with no audience, but what in Tartarus is an army of shapeshifters for? Cadance looked sad, which just proved she was no idiot. I have better taste then that.

I knew I was being snippy to avoid breaking down completely, and tried to stifle it. Later I could scream and rant and be as utterly petty as I like, but this was not the time.

"Chrissi," she said, and I almost shattered at the sound of her voice. I desperately raised a hoof to silence her.

"Wait! Wait" I said. "I need to talk. And I can't hear you right now. I couldn't bear it." She nodded silently, and sat down next to me. She always listens, I thought, feeling a stab in my heart. She always knows what I need. "For months now I've been in agony" I began. "And it isn't your fault. It's mine. I loved you, almost since the day we met. And because I knew you didn't love me back, it's been a wonderful torture." Cadance closed her eyes and winced at that, but she said nothing. "You shouldn't blame yourself. I was happy, Cadance. I mean it. Your friendship has meant more to me than you can know. But something changed." I put my hoof under her chin and raised it to look her in the eye. "Cadance, just one word. Do you love me?"

"Yes" she whispered back. And I felt myself shake, even though I already knew it had to be true. I desperately wanted to kiss her, more than I've wanted to kiss anyone in my life. I didn't.

She kissed me.

Just once. Just long enough for the rest of the world to vanish. Just long enough that when she forcibly pulled herself back it felt like part of myself tore away with her.

Cadance's eyes were closed, her face was pained. "Why couldn't you have been born in another century?" She said quietly. It was meant to be rhetorical of course, but I started laughing. It was infectious. It was bitter and sad and hilarious and we couldn't stop even when we started crying. For a few minutes we just held each other, laughing like mad mares. Maybe we were.

"I love you Cadance" I whispered. "I'm yours. But...but this is going to destroy me. If you want me, take me. Please. You have no idea how much I want you to. But if you love me, please. Leave. Leave and never speak to Chrysanthemum Crown again."

And Cadance stood, looking at me with sad eyes and a tear stained face, struggling to speak, before finally turning and galloping away. And I collapsed shaking to the bench.

So that was it then, I thought as the world spun around me. Because she loved me and gave it freely, because she wouldn't claim what was hers, we were enemies. There was a lesson there I suppose. I started laughing again. A drone who had been approaching to check on me turned and ran. I laughed even more at that, and stood. Green fire flared as I returned to my true form.

So that's the way it has to be then. I'll fight you, Cadance. I'll fight you with everything I have, for my sisters and my hive. You gave me that, in the end. You let me do the right thing even if it tore out both our hearts. I'll always thank you for that. And I'll always love you. And that's perfect. I'm very good at killing what I love. So fight back hard. Please, please fight back as hard as you can.

Please don't let me hurt you.