Burning for Artefacts

by Majikkstar

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 3081

Chrysalis is in search of relics to help her exact her revenge!

What will a changeling queen and her lieutenant go through for revenge?

Will she wade through the River Styx, or perhaps experience the fires of Tartarus?

A commish!

Thanks to CoffeeBean; editor and an overall great guy.

Published 2018-08-10 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-10 22:30:01 UTC

Booty Burnin'

“Hurry, peon! Fall any further behind and I’ll leave you where you fall after I strike you down,” Chrysalis shouted while glaring ahead of her, expecting her lieutenant trailing behind to hear her regardless.

“Yes, my queen,” he called back to her as he pushed a little more magic than he’d like into his wings to catch up to his queen. “I apologize, I was imagining razing Equestria to the ground,” he hissed a chuckle. With a loud pop, he was flung sideways, away from Chrysalis after she struck him with a bolt of magic.

She followed the trail of smoke he’d left and was hovering over him once he balanced himself, no worse for wear but hurt pride. “You grub minded fool! If we did such a thing, what would we feed on when we take over?!” Her look alone was enough to make him cower, the words behind them and who they were from would have led him to release his bladder, if he were a weaker changeling.

“Y-your Highness, I will leave all thoughts to you from now on,” he bowed his head humbly. Chrysalis wouldn’t let him see the smile he brought to her face, so she hid it behind a vicious multivoiced tone.

“If were possible, you’d think nothing and just do as you are told. Now stop groveling and follow me,” she turned and resumed her flight with her companion beside her. “Morta, do you sense any magical items with that stupid necklace on, or was it a mistake to bring you with me on this mission?”

He grumbled quietly into the wind so she wouldn’t hear him, “I’m the last changeling that follows you, you don’t have any choice.”

“What was that?!”

“I said there is something nearby, my Queen,” he pointed in a direction and turned towards it, leading her now towards a forest at the edge of Equestria’s eastern borders.

“It had better be,” she growled.

“It is,” he placed a forehoof against the gem in his necklace and felt the magic pulse and tug him towards the forest ahead. “We near it; the first artifact towards fulfilling your glorious mission.” They flew in silence for several minutes, and finally he saw something that was different. A town, built atop the forest. He slowed to let his Queen get beside him. “My Queen, that has to be it. I’ve never seen a town on a forest.”

She flew ahead slightly and scrutinized the structures. “Yes, they are built on the treetops. Perhaps there is a magical artifact here keeping the town aloft,” she chuckled deviously, “I’d like to be there when their town falls to the forest floor. Morta! Why are you slowing down?! Hurry and announce my arrival to these… beings.”

“Yes, my Queen,” his insectoid wings buzzed as he bolted ahead and after half the time it would have taken him at their previous speed, he landed by a small wooden house that seemed to be made from the bark of the tree it was on. A natural blemish that didn’t seem to be apart from the tree in and of itself. He moved to the door and knocked. “Open, and tell me where your leader is!”

The door swung open and a short orange man with a giant mushroom on his head grinned at the changeling. “A-hoy-oy! Guests, please, head to the mayor! He’s at the house just over there,” the man ran out of his house and around the side, pointing to a slightly larger bark-house. A yellow mushroom on top as its only defining trait from all the others.

Morta buzzed into the air and flew to the indicated home, landed and pounded on the door. “Her royal majesty, Queen Chrysalis arrives to-” he managed just as Chrysalis touched down. Her wings twitching slightly from the strain of the flight, she ignored them to look down at her minion.

“Why isn’t the town bowing at my arrival, Morta? Why am I not being begged for mercy by this town’s leadership?!”

The door was pushed out and a tall, thin man with a giant yellow mushroom on his head grinned at the new arrivals. “Ah! A new guest to the town. Welcome, what can I offer you to make you comfortable?”

Chrysalis snapped her head towards Morta and motioned her horn to the town leader. “You have an artifact that we want; you will give it to us.”

“Well, my name is Boomer, and I have a problem I need your help with before I can give you the Shine Sprite, as I’m sure that’s what you seek.”

Chrysalis flipped her mane and looked up into the sky while waving a hoof at Morta. “Ah, yes, I will do whatever it takes to please my queen.”

“Very well,” Boomer said with a wide grin, “our puppies have run away and we need help catching them. If you would be so kind,” he bowed from the hip and gestured to the smaller changeling.

“Psh, a trivial task for my queen to bestow upon me,” Morta said proudly.

Chrysalis nodded once, ever so slightly, in approval. “Ernie, where are these dogs?” she asked, standing tall and regally; not noticing red flowers along the ground moving and facing their bodies straight up and opening their petals. Morta noticed out of his peripheral, but ignored it until they started spitting fireballs a few inches over them.

Both changeling’s attention was captured by the display and marveled at it until one spit a plume of fire across the Queen’s royal rump. She flinched, but only brought a hoof down onto the offending flower that dared defile her own flower with its stinging kiss.

Boomer watched with interest at her reaction, then nodded and pointed in a direction. “That way, over the edge, on the forest floor. You can't miss them.”

Morta took wing quickly and Chrysalis followed to observe. They crossed the town and went over the edge, falling with style until they neared the ground.

A rustling from nearby bushes and several minutes of searching by Morta, while Chrysalis got comfortable on a mossy log, proved fruitless. He landed and kicked leafy detritus in frustration.

Chrysalis’ voice scolded him, “Do not pout. Look harder, they have to be around here. Most likely dead from the fall,” she licked her fangs, “perhaps a couple as a snack won't be missed.” As if on cue, a bark was heard to the south. “Don't look at me, go get them!”

Morta galloped towards the sound, stopping before he left Chrysalis’ gaze. He turned and galloped the way he'd come, past Chrysalis, ignoring her shouting at him as a gigantic ball of living fire rushed after him, trailing fire and burnt foliage in its wake.

Chrysalis, dumbstruck for the moment, watched the fireball pass; four legs, tail, drooling napalm. This is a dog?! she thought, taking flight and hovering over it and dodging to the side as another entered the chase. Then another.

“By the Acorns,” she breathed and lowered herself to watch the trio chase her only remaining soldier. “I guess I'll have to lay some more-” she screamed before she realized she was burned by a drop of napalm-like saliva on her back. She glared behind her and her eyes widened. A fourth fire dog was behind her. Smaller than the others, but still larger than her. The fire dog barked happily, sending a rain of burning spittle across Chrysalis’ body and a few on her dock. “Ah! Don’t you dare even attempt to burn me, or my luxurious tail!” she faced the dog and tried to glare it into submission.

With a happy bark, it hopped at her and she narrowly dodged by ducking, tucking, and rolling under it. That was the first time she’d ever experienced such a feeling, as she sat for a split second on the ground and burnt her butt, a trail of molten fire followed in the dogs wake and she’d landed in it. She flicked her tail and looked back at it, pouting slightly at the singed hair and what would certainly be a blemish on her chitin.

“You worthless canine! I’ll-” she took to the air and lit her horn, casting a spell that would make an Ursa Minor fall to its knees. The spell washed over her target and it leaped up after her, biting the air where she was a mere instant before. A poor learner, since pain wasn’t something she dealt with often in her life, she landed in the molten saliva again, landing heavily with her hooves and sending a splash up her underbelly.

Biting her lip, she cast a spell quickly and a circle of green fire surrounded the ground she stood on, absorbing her and dropping her back atop the trees and into the village. “Where’s Boomer?!” she screamed while brushing her mane from her eyes and staring down any creature that she passed as she flew to his hut. She cast a powerful force push that knocked his door down as she flew into the living room and into a Lazymare reclining chair. She lost her balance and tumbled over the couch and directly toward a roaring fire in the fireplace.

The scream could be heard across the village. A combination of pain, shame, and rage preceded the dark queen falling silent inside the hut. Chrysalis flew around the room several times and looked down a hallway and trailed smoke in her wake as she blasted each door open until she found the bathroom and saw the holy grail; the toilet bowl.

She flew to it, spun, and planted her hairless tail in the bowl, letting it curl at the base while her bottom hissed and billowed smoke. With a content and drawn out sigh, she relished in her cooling bum.

“Ya get them dogs yet?”

She leapt in surprise and hit her head on the ceiling, falling back down and landing with a rear hoof in the toilet. “Boomer!” she growled at the man sitting in a bubble bath across the spacious bathroom. He waved his back scrubber at her in reply. “Why didn’t you tell me your dogs were made of fire?!”

“Well, I was talking to your husband, for one.” A blush raced across her cheeks, and he continued speaking before she could even stammer a reply. “And neither of you asked, did ya?” he winked and went to scrubbing his back while looking around the bubbly water around himself. “Where’d it go?”

“How do you even have these fire dogs?! What could you possibly do with them up here, in a town of dry wood?” She asked, stepping forward and falling to her chin. She got back up and pulled her leg free quickly, trying to act like she hadn’t just belly-flopped casually.

“Well, a bit’a water’ll put’m right out, wouldn’t it?” he said dismissively and then grinned. He lifted his hand and grinned at a yellow ducky and brought it to his cheek in a human nuzzle.

Rubber Duckie you're the one
You make bath time lots of fun
Rubber Duckie I'm awfully fond of you
Rubber Duckie joy of joys
When I squeeze you, you make noise
Rubber Duckie you're my--

He managed to sing that far before the water in his tub was pulled from around him and a circle of fire teleported a confused and slightly concerned Changeling Queen back to the ground, nearly half a kilometer down in a couple seconds.

She found the trail of fire and followed it, flying with the water in her magic as she zipped around trees, under branches, and closer to her target every few seconds. The air grew humid and she could feel the heat rise as she neared her target. A pleased grin spread across her muzzle and her fangs shined at the thought of revenge. Her poor butt was going to be sore for days after this was all said and done, and she couldn’t tell a soul of her pain, which was just as bad in some ways.

She burst into the open, a clearing awaited her and a large pond within held something she didn’t expect to see. Morta, playing with four puppies of normal size in the water like a pony foal, splashing and laughing like a foal. Her magic failed and the cool, soapy water doused her from horn to hoof, getting in each and every hold across her legs and sending shivers and chills through her body.

“My Queen? Your Highness, the dogs are normal in water! I see you knew that was their weakness, I am honored to follow you,” he flew from the pond and landed in a bow. Chrysalis grumbled when her hooves touched the soft earth but didn’t say anything; she picked up the dogs in her magic and turned tail on Morta, walking back into the forest, slightly more humble than she was before she started this day. “Excuse me, what happened to your tail?”

He flinched at her glare and they flew up in silence, dropping the dogs gently in a park as they flew over the town atop a tree. She landed outside the hut she’d entered earlier and went in, looking around as she walked further into the house. Morta looked around, mouth agape, then stepped out, then back in, rubbing his eyes with his forehooves. “My Queen, it’s bigger on the inside.”

“So it would seem,” she replied quietly.

“That’s what she said,” Boomer said from the Lazymare as she passed behind it. Chrysalis yelped, hopping away and into a dining table, falling over it; hooves over horn, and knocking a pot of roiling, bubbling stew with her, onto her already tender behind. She bit her lips and her eyes widened as her fangs dug in, perforating her lips while her butt was steaming with a hearty stew, but it only got worse when Morta grabbed the first uncapped bottle near him. He threw its contents at her and set her bottom ablaze. She scrambled to her hooves and ran in circles like a constipated weiner dog for two seconds too long. A splash of stew on her burning bottom stopped the fire and her running.

Tears sprang into and from her eyes as she carefully opened her mouth; her jaws moving apart, her teeth freeing her lips allowing her mouth to open. The pitiful squeaking whine she made would have put a hungry puppy to shame. As quietly as she could manage, she stood regally and turned toward the bathroom. “My Queen, I-” he quieted when she stomped a forehoof on the floor, choosing to not follow her while she limped down the hall alone.

“Mister Boomer, how’d she catch fire? It doesn’t make sense to me, what was in that jar?” Morta asked, soberly.

“Ah, nectar from the flame flowers. Works great at heating cooking pots, not so much when concentrated on such a nice looking mare. Yeah, it’s sad to see such a nice tail go to waste,” the man said and spun the chair, spinning around twice and stopping to look at Morta. Boomer’s black hair was set in a dozen curlers, his mushroom hat on his lap like a cat. It was interesting seeing how he pet it lovingly. “Well, the thing’s yours,” he pointed outside, “just go to the center of town and it’s on the tree.”

Morta gulped and stared at him as stomping was heard approaching quickly.

“You mean it was there the whole time?!” Chrysalis shouted, her lips already healed by her magic and her eyes dry with a towel as fluffy and warm like it just came out of the drier; she couldn’t help but spend her seconds nuzzling it in privacy when she heard the location of her prize.

“Well, I needed some help, but it’s right out there in the open for anyone to grab if they want it. And I say take it, we don’t need it. Or the other two.”

Her eye twitched. “There are three... out in the open?”

“Yeah. In fact, we want them gone; nothing but a pain for us.”

She stomped past the males and called for Morta to follow her, and her companion couldn’t help but notice his Queen’s red posterior and a slight limp in her step. She visibly relaxed when her hind legs left the ground, then made for the center of town where a series of small trees, decorated like Hearth’s Warming was near even though it wasn’t, stood; each with a glowing star on top of them.

She landed and took them in her magic, grinning at her prize while Morta nodded his approval. “These are they, artifacts you’ve been looking for,” he said proudly.

Chrysalis inhaled to cackle and gloat about her victory being nigh, only for her to cover her mouth, holding back a cry as a small innocuous flower she was standing over spat a bead of fire upwards, landing just under her dangling, hairless, tail. Morta spit on the flower, putting its fire out immediately while Chrysalis blasted a small crater into the earth under her hooves and pressed her muzzle into the soft dirt that made up the park, whining loudly as the burning pain screamed from her bottom to the core of her very being.

“Well, she burnt her already burnt buns,” Boomer mumbled around the spoon in his mouth, a bowl of stew in his arm.

Morta cocked his head as he held the dog in his forelegs. “Well, I thought we were more immune to fire, until now.”

One small fire flower breathed a small, seemingly harmless, flame behind her. Morta stomped on this one before it could add to his Queen’s humiliation, however, it popped and sent fire around the grass under her hind legs. The Queen, having let out the frustration and pain she’d been having over the worst half hour of her life, all things considered, she let her hind legs relax so she could sit in the grass, rest her red and sensitive butt, and admire her prizes.

Her eyes strained as they widened to their limit and she inhaled deeply. Ponies in Appleloosa told stories that week about a strange, high pitched tone that came from the east, and what poor, pained, pitiful creature in its death throes could have made it.