Three Heads are Worse Than One

by ShadowedKnight68

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4712

Joshua is tossed into Equestria, given a strange body, and now dealing with two people in the same situation, what a day.

Joshua's day gets turned upside down on what should be a regular day, one moment he was walking through his town on a stormy day, and the next he's waking up in a strange world full of friendship and colorful magic talking ponies.

Things only get worse from there when he finds he's not even in his own body anymore, instead he finds himself in the body of a female chimera, and two people who he knows far to well sharing his new body.

This day was was giving him a really bad migraine.

Published 2018-08-11 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-18 21:03:06 UTC

Threes a Problem

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Joshua groaned at the sound of his phones alarm going off, it meant the beginning of another day to get ready and go to work, grumbled he Fumbled around ain't he eyes closed for his phone in doing so he accidentally knocked it off the bed "dammit....".

Sitting up her rubbed his eyes and yawned, he got out of bed and crouched down to pick up his phone and then proceeded to turn off the alarm "well...another day another bit of my life dies....god that was morbid..." Joshua had lived alone for most of his life, his mother and father had abandoned him when he was eleven, and he was sent to an orphanage, he didn't leave until he was eighteen and already had a job, from there he kept to himself why get close to anyone if they're just going to betray you eventually? All he really needed was himself, he couldn't betray himself.

He walked out of his room towards the bathroom, and turned the shower on holding his hand under the water waiting for it to warm up, he pulled his hand back quickly after a few minutes "ow to hot!" He turned the knobs to cool it down and held his hand under the water "ugh to cold..." Once he finally got it at the right temperature he got in and started washing himself, he put some shampoo and conditioner in his hair he went to the body wash, as he was scrubbing the soap on his body some shampoo and conditioner got in his eye "gah fuck!!! Son of a bitch!!!" Moving quickly he held his face under the water trying to wash the soap out, suddenly hot water shot out from the shower head "Jesus Christ!!!" Jumping half away from the water he accidentally slipped and fell on his back "ugh...can this day get any worse...?" He groaned before cold water came out of the shower head "cold, cold, cold!!!"

Once Joshua finished his horrible shower he headed to the kitchen to get something to eat before work, he made some coffee as he looked through the fridge finding take out food, some milk, and a banana "why is there a banana in the fridge...?" He got the banana out and set it on the counter before going over to his coffee pot and poring himself some coffee, he then drank it before spitting it out from it burning his tongue "gah!" He dropped the mug causing it to break on the floor "god!!!".

"This day fucking sucks!" Huffing he grabbed his keys and the banana before leaving his house, getting in his car he tried to start his car up but nothing to happened "no..." He tried to start it again but won't the same results "no no no..." Once more he turned the key trying to get it to start but the car remained dead "son of a bitch!!!!" He yelled as he punched the steering wheel.

Looking at his phones clock he found he didn't have long until work, getting out of the car quickly he started fast walking towards his work checking his phone at random times, thunder boomed in the sky above distracting him from his walk "you've got to be kidding me..." Shaking his head he ignored the storm and continued walking trying to get to work fast, but as he walked he noticed something white fall down from the corner from his vision causing him to stop walking, turning his head to the direction of the mysterious object he spotted a small white thing.

Walking over and crouching down he realized what it was "hail? Jeez this things big" he picked up the baseball sized piece of ice he looked it over "ok so head back home for an umbrella then continue to work, like hell I'm risking my life for my damn job" standing up he tossed the ice ball behind his back as he went back towards his house, unfortunately before he could take another step another ball of ice came crashing down on the top of his head making and loud cracking sound.

Joshua fell backwards onto his back his body felt numb as he laid on the ground, he could feel something wet coming off his head, with a dark realization he knew that it was blood, everything was getting darker, trying to move or yell for help was useless his body wasn't cooperating anymore. He knew he was dying, and he knew there was nothing he could do to stop it, soon enough he'd be dead, and he'd be finding out if there was an afterlife or not, his last thought before the darkness consumed him was that the police would find him with a banana in his hand, what an embarrassing way to be found dead.

Joshua was adrift in the dark abyss unsure of where he was, he and a few ideas but not any clues to be certain where he was. One idea was that he was in hell, a pretty calm and boring hell though still a horrible one. The second was this was limbo a place between alive and dead, he'd heard of limbo before but never really looking into what it was much, all he knew was it was sometimes a deciding point on where you go, heaven or the worse option hell.

Still with no answers he floated around the void, occasionally looking around in case anything was there, but never finding anything "well...looks like I'm gonna be here for a while" he put his arms behind his head "hm....pretty boring...welp might as well spend the time thinking, ah dammit I forgot I didn't get to eat that banana oh crap now I'm hungry, how's that possible? I'm dead! Ugh maybe this is hell, I still get hungry and thirsty but I'll never die from starvation or thirst....damn"

After what he guessed was a few hours he plaid a little beat on his lap with his hands, he then sighed "welp this is hell....spending eternity here alone....or maybe it's heaven....I don't have to deal with anyone, I get to be by myself, and no one can betray my trust, all in all sounds good to me except for the hunger bit...I'm still pretty hungry....and bored....and a little thirsty....damn".

Suddenly Joshua spotted a white dot off in the distance making him gasp "oh my God! Yes something! Something to look at!! Haha! finally! I can pass the time just looking at whatever that is!! Wooo!!!" He cheered "ok ok soo what is it? What does it mean? What is its purpose? All these things need to asked and answered....maybe it's a uh....I don't know dust? Quarter? Marshmallow?....marshmallow? Really? God that's stupid, oh I know it's a fricken marshmallow" he mocked in a goofy voice.

"Wait shit if it is a marshmallow I can eat it...." Joshua thought it over and grumble of his stomach was the deciding decision, he began swimming towards the possible marshmallow, he as he got closer the dot got bigger, and bigger, and bigger "oh wow jeez that is either the world's biggest marshmallow or it's not a marshmallow" he stopped swimming but realized the dot was still getting bigger, worry filled him and he tried swimming away but the dot wasn't getting further away and now he realized it was not a dot but a white glow "oh god I don't wanna die twice!!" He held his arms in front of him protectively as he was engulfed by the white glow before everything went dark once more.

Slowly Joshua opened his eyes, everything was blurry but he could see green and brown colors around him 'I'm not in the void anymore...thank god' he thought before blinking rapidly to clear his vision, once clear he looked around finding he was in a forest 'ok....that's odd but hey! No endless void that's a plus!' he looked to his left to see what else was around him but came face to face with a goat face "gahh!!!"

"Gahh!!!" The goat screamed in a very human sounding way

"Wha?!?!?" Joshua yelled at the goats scream.

"Wha?!?!?" The goat yelled at the same time.

Joshua looked at the strange goat with wide eyes it had the same expression as hm "uh...hi- the hell's up with my voice??" His voice sounded deep but female as well.

"Uh...hi- the hell's up with my voice??" The goat spoke with a female voice.

"Why do you keep copying me?!" Joshua yelled with a glare.

"Why do you keep copying me?!" The goat yelled with a glare.

Joshua growled but it came out as a deep animal growl instead of a normal person's, it socked him but scared the goat "this is not normal....what the hell is going on??"

"I'd like to know that too..." The goat responded nervously.

"Hey! You didn't copy what I said!" Joshua smirked, he finally caught this goat thing in her lie.

"I haven't been copying you! You've been copying me! The hell would I copy you for? I wake up in this weird place after being in what I assume was hell and the first thing I do is copy the first person I see??" The goat had a valid point.

"That's....a good point, hey wait you were in a hell like void place too??" Joshua asked.

"Yeah you were too?" The goat asked raising a brow.

"Yeah! Damn now I wonder if I had swam around more I might have run into you, would have made those couple of hours a lot more interesting...." Joshua huffed.

"Tell me about...maybe then I wouldn't have gotten eaten by that marshmallow or light thing" the goat huffed looking away.

"Wait....you thought it was a marshmallow too...?" Joshua asked surprised.

"Yeah....you did too...?" The goat asked surprised as well.

Joshua nodded slowly in reply.

"Ok...that's uh...a bit creepy" the goat said nervously.

"We did just talk at the same time a few minutes ago..." Joshua replied.

"Ok um maybe we do a test" the goat offered.

"I was thinking the same..." Joshua looked at the goat as they both had the same creeped out expression.

"Um...ok uh I'm thinking of a number what is i-" the goat was cut off.

"Four?..." Joshua saw the goat's expression turn shocked.

"H-how is this possible?! How can a fricken sabertooth tiger read my thoughts?!" The goat yelled.

"Saber toothed what now?" Joshua asked.

"Saber toothed tiger....you know...and you are?" The goat slowly spoke afraid of the reaction.

"What?....what?! What?!?!" Joshua tried to stand up, but he was held down on one side, quickly turned his head back his eyes went so wide they could have popped out of his skull, his body was large and covered in fur, his arm looked like that if a tigers while his back legs looked like a goat, but the also found the goats head was attached to his body "get off my body!!!!" He yelled in panicking and sucker punched the goat but without the support of his arm they fell to the ground.

"Fucking dammit!" The goat yelled rubbing her cheek with the other tiger paw "the hell's wrong with y-ahhh!!!!" She finally noticed the tiger paw currently rubbing her cheek, she then went through the same motions Joshua did and looked over their body before looking at him and screaming.

"Gah my ears!!" Joshua tried covering his ears but won't control only if the one arm he couldn't cover the ear closest to her, he instead grabbed her muzzle closing it stopping her from screaming "stop screaming before I go deaf you dolt!"

"Mmph!!!" Her scream was muffled.

He groaned rolling his eyes and held the goats mount shut until she stopped screaming, which she did not for at least half an hour "done now?"

The goat nodded.

"Good" he let go.

"How the hell is this possible?! How am I connected to...to this?!" She yelled.

"I was wondering the same, I was a human man before this" he huffed.

"So was I!" She yells again.

"Stop yelling!!!" He roared both figuratively and literally, he let out a loud tiger roar in the goats face making her go quite and flinch back. They both sat in silence then, neither said anything and the goat hadn't looked at him once since, he was starting to feel pretty bad because he might have overreacted "sorry...so um....want was your name?"

The goat was silent for a while still not looking at Joshua "Joshua...my name was Joshua..."

"I'm sorry what?" Joshua asked confused.

"I said my name's Joshua" the goat said looking him in the eyes.

"But....my name's Joshua" he said looking at her.

"Bull shit...you telling me somehow two guys named Joshua got put in the same body??" The goat named Joshua questioned.

"Well my name's Joshua and your name's Joshua, so it's looking pretty likely".

"Or....there's just one Joshua" she said.

"Want do you mean? You think I'm lieing??" He growled.

"No hold on, what if we both are the same Joshua?" She asked as she held a paw up to defend herself.

"That's stupid! How would that even be possible?!" He yelled.

"I mean compared to what else we're dealing with that's pretty small" she huffed.

"Ok...fair point, wait I know how to prove it! When I-" he got cut off by her.

"We" she looked at him annoyed.

"Fine, when we were eleven what did our parents give us for our birthday?" He asked and smiled knowing he was gonna prove the goat wrong.

"Trick question, our parents left us when we were eleven, we celebrated our birthday a week after they left us at the orphanage" the goat frowned at the memory.

Joshua frowned as well, he forgot how bad it felt to remember those times but shook his head focusing back on what they just discovered "so we are the same person...ok that's....I guess better than being stuck with a complete stranger".

"Yeah cause we can't trust a stranger, we can only trust ourselves" she smiled.

He smiled as well "yeah this won't be so bad, just the two of us".

Suddenly they both heard snoring from behind and looked to the source, both their eyes went wide when they spotted a snake laying in their back.

"Jesus Christ!!!!" They both yelled getting up to run only to slam down to the ground sending the back end up in the air since they were not used to the new body or only being able to control half the body, but this resulted in their next big surprise, the snake was connected to them like a tail and it was still currently sleeping while hanging in front of their faces.

"You think he's us too?" They both asked at the same time "guess that answers that question...." They huffed.

Three Heads Clash

Joshua and...Joshua were now laying on the ground waiting for their third roommate sharing their body to wake up.

“So...you wanna tell him when he wakes up?” The tiger head Joshua asked.

“Hello no, I got a headache just trying to explain it to you” the goat head Joshua said back with a frown

“Ughhh fine” he huffed and waited for the third head to wake up, the main noise heard was the third head snoring loudly “jeez do we really snore that loud??”

“How should I know? We're asleep when it probably happens” the goat Joshua replied.

“Well now we're awake and it's really annoying, I'm gonna wake him up” tiger Joshua said and nudged the third head before the goat head could stop him.

The snake head suddenly blinked his eyes open waking up, he lifted himself up yawning, he then looked at the two of them his mind slowly starting up, when it finished his eyes went wide and he screamed.

“Ah damn!” Tiger Joshua groaned as his ears laid back on his head from the loud screaming.

“Nice going numbnuts!” Goat Joshua yelled as he laid his ears down as well.

Tiger Joshua growled and yelled at the snake head “shut up already!!!”

He shut up instantly and was shaking “w-what do you two want with me?? Ssss” he looked around for the source of the hissing.

“Well first we don't wanna hurt you, second your attached to us, and third we're all the same person” tiger Joshua said nonchalantly.

The snake head Joshua blinked for a second before slowly looking down and finding himself connected to the body of the heads as well as seeing he was just a snake “what?...what?...WHAT?!?!” he started flailing around panicking but since he was just a snake he just wiggled around “my armsss are gone!!!!”

“Real nice moron, you really helped calm him down” goat Joshua said sarcastically.

“Hey I didn't want to spend an hour trying to ease the surprise onto him, might as well cut to the chase and get it over with, like ripping a band-aid off” tiger Joshua growled.

Snake Joshua was looking at the two with one eye twitching “thisss issn't happening” he hissed uncontrollably which didn't help his panicking.

Tiger Joshua and goat Joshua were butting heads now both growling at each other.

“Wait if your both me why are you two girlsss?” The snake head questioned.

“I was wondering why miss goat over here was a girl too...wait you two? I'm not a girl!” Tiger Joshua yelled at the false assumption.

“I'm a girl?!” The goat Joshua yelled as well.

“Yesss well...I think...both of you have girlisssh featuresss…” snake Joshua said looking between the two.

“Mirror! I need a mirror!” Tiger Joshua said panicking.

“We're in the middle of the god damn forest!!” Goat Joshua yelled both panicked and annoyed.

Tiger Joshua looked around before spotting a puddle not to far away “there!” he went to run to it but was yanked back when the rest of his body didn't follow “dammit you two!”

“Don't look at me, I've been trying to run thisss whole time but I can move my legsss...or armsss” snake Joshua said sadly.

“I didn't know you wanted to move, you do realize you need to tell us when you wanna do something right? We're all stuck to the same body and me and you seem to be the only ones who control the legs” goat Joshua huffed and lifted his side off the ground with shaky legs.

Tiger Joshua did the same with his side “ok...this is gonna be hard but let's do it together, I'll move my front leg, then you move your back, then I move my back, and you move your front, then just repeat k?”

“Sounds easy enough” goat Joshua said looking down at their shared paws.

“What do I do?” Snake Joshua asked.

“Well unless you got telekinesis and can levitate us over to that puddle just sit there and be a tail” tiger Joshua said not even looking at him

Snake Joshua glared “fine…”

“Ok on three, one….two…. there” tiger Joshua said as he moved his front leg.

Goat Joshua then moved his back leg.

The two of them continued this slowly making their way to the puddle, all while the third head sat there frowning annoyed that he was basically a passenger to them, the words tiger Joshua said still running through his mind until a wicked smile grew across his face, he proceeded to move himself down towards their back legs and wrap around them, the moment they tried to take another step they tripped sending them all to the dirt.

Tiger Joshua slammed his chin into the dirt “gah fuck!” He turned his head back glaring.

“Oh what happend? I'm sssorry I wass bussssy being a tail” he said innocently.

“I'm gonna kill you!!” He lunged at him but couldn't reach.

“Oh it'ss like a dog chassing it'sss tail” he cooed.

“ARGHHHHHHH!!!” Tiger Joshua roared trying to get him.

“God you two…” goat Joshua huffed putting his paw on his cheek.

After a few minutes tiger Joshua tired himself out trying to bite snake Joshua, he was left panting “ok...ok I quit…”

Snake Joshua smirked at his win.

“Cool can we get to the puddle and see ourselves now?” Goat Joshua said as he finished building a fourth little rock tower to pass the time.

“Yeah let's go” tiger Joshua said standing his side up.

Goat Joshua followed doing the same and they continued their walking process. Now unimpeded by their their head who simply just laid on their back bored, angry, and sad at his lack of limbs and options.

The group finally made it to the puddle and proceeded to look into the brown water, the reflection showed three female animal heads, one a tigress sabertooth, the second a goat with tusks protruding from her bottom lip as well as two gold hoop earrings in her floppy ears, and the third a green snake with red eyes, each spotted the same shock and scared expression.

“No...nonononono no!!” All three said at the same time as they shook their heads.

“Come on!! First I'm stuck with two other mes in the same weird animal body, now I'm also the opposite gender?!” Tiger Joshua yelled.

“Ughh I hate goats…” Goat Joshua whined.

“Atleassst you two fuckersss got armss and legssss!!! I'm a ssssnake!!! And I got thissss ssstupid hissssss!!!” Snake Joshua thrashed around in anger.

Goat Joshua rubbed her face with her paw while looking at her reflection frowning, she pulled on one of the hoop earrings in her ear “why would a goat even get it's ears pierced?”

“Don't farmers do that to their goats?” Tiger Joshua asked.

“Yeah but usually a tag, not a golden earing….” Goat Joshua answered

The two then suddenly jumped to their feet feeling a piercing pain in their thigh, both heads spun around to see the snake head biting their thigh.

“Oh that get your attention? Good!! Ssstop ignoring me!!!” Snake Joshua hissed as she was steaming with anger.

“You bit our butt?!” Tiger Joshua asked shocked.

“Technically thigh but still!” Goat Joshua was just as shocked.

“You weren't lisssstening to me!! And since I don't have handsss or feet that had to do!” She moved closer to them “now that I have your damn attention, how about we make ssssure we're female before we all ssstart moping around? I would but once more I cannot stressss thiss enough….I...have...no...limbsss!” her tongue flicked out surprising her.

“Ok threes got a point” Tiger Joshua looked to the goat head.

“Oh so we're going by numbers now? And I'm guessing your one then?” Goat Joshua asked squinting angirly.

“Yeah actually I am!” Tiger Joshua butted her head against the goats.

Goat joshua butted hers back and they pressed against each other growling and gritting their teeth, the snake head huffed rolling her eyes before moving towards their back end sliding between their legs.

The bickering two these up as their eyes widened at sudden thing between their legs, both their right eyes twitched as they blushed.

Snake Joshua moved back out blushing “gotta admit….not my greatesst idea….king hard to angle mysself but uh…. we're girlss..” she looked at the two glaring blushing heads and chuckled nervous “oopsss…?”

“Never” Tiger Joshua growled still blushing.

“Do” Goat Joshua growled blushing.

“That Again!” They said at the same time.

Snake Joshua nodded scared “no problem…”

After an hour of sitting in silence after that experience Goat Joshua finally spoke up “ok we need out where the heck we are and how to get back home as well as back to normal, cause frankly sitting here in the forest ain't to much fun”.

“I agree with uh...Joshua…” Snake Joshua said.

“Yeah fine…” Tiger Joshua huffed lifting her side up.

Goat Joshua then lifted her side up and they began moving, now getting the hang of walking though triping and having to look down at their feet from time to time, snake Joshua mostly laid on the back of the two heads but from time to time would lift herself up and look around to see if she spotted any roads or exits to this forest “Hey hey I sssee a path!” She called down to the two.

“Really? Where??” Goat Joshua asked with excitement.

“Over there…” Snake Joshua smiled before looking down at the confused two and got confused herself before remembering a crucial thing that helped show where she was pointing “shit….no arms...ok” she huffed and then stretched her body to the north “behind those trees and bushes.

The three made their way there and found a path which brought excitement to all three of them since a path meant it had to lead to civilization, it as well wasn't as creepy as walking through the the forest.

“Haha! Thisss long...neck? Body? Whatever iss very ussseful! I can sstretch sssuper high up” Snake Joshua stretched up “and sssee sso mu-pah gah!” there was a web up in the branches and she had gone face first into it “get it off! Get it off!!” She yelled thrashing around.

The two laughed at the third heads struggle to get the webs off.

“We would, but your to high up” Goat Joshua chuckled

“Get lower genius” Tiger Joshua smirked and blew the webs off when she got lower.

“Oh how I missss my armss…” Snake Joshua whimpered laying on their back.

“Don't worry once this is fixed you'll have arms and legs” Goat Joshua said reassuringly.

“Well unless you got magic super powers that can turn people back from a female monster then we shit out of luck” Tiger Joshua huffed.

“Oh glad we're all so hopeful!” Goat Joshua said sarcastically before glaring at the tiger head who just rolled her eyes.

Following the path they came to a fork in the road, two large leading away from each other, the group looked between the paths.

“I say we got the right one” Goat Joshua said.

“I say left” Tiger Joshua said.

“Right is right, so we go that way” Goat Joshua glared.

“We're gonna follow a path based on that idea??” Tiger Joshua glared back.

“It's the best we got!” Goat Joshua yelled.

“We'll since I'm the one in charge we go left” Tiger Joshua declared.

“When did we decide that??” Goat Joshua yelled.

“Just now, I call dibs!” She smirked.

“You chat call dibs!” She yelled.

“Well I just did so dibs!” Tiger Joshua tried to move them down the left path but her other side wouldn't budge.

“No no I call a vote for which way we go!” Goat Joshua yelled.

“Fine!” Tiger Joshua growled.

The two heads then turned to the third, Snake Joshua looked between them “wait shit I'm the deciding vote….”

“Yeah you are and I think we go left” Tiger Joshua growled.

Goat Joshua rolled her eyes at the tiger head “I say right”.

“....I vote right” Snake Joshua said and gulped looking at the tiger head.

Tiger Joshua growled extremely mad “ughhh!!!”

They went down the right path while Goat Joshua smirked, snake Joshua kept herself on boat Joshua side of the body as Tiger Joshua looked very mad and kept growling.

The very tense walk continued into night and the forest had now become far more creepy, things seemed more active at night as they heard howls and roads echo through the air, snake Joshua looked around frantic unlike the two who had the ability to fight or run she had nothing to defend herself or run with, she was defenseless.

“Uh...c-can we maybe make a fire tonight?....o-or hide sssomewhere?” Snake Joshua asked scaredly.

“Oh is the wittle Shakey wakey scwade?” Tiger Joshua teased looking back at her.

“No sshit! I'm a sssnake!!!” She hissed.

“She's right, it's dangerous to wander around at night we could get lost or attacked by some animal” Goat Joshua said.

“Oh come on! What animals gonna wanna attack us? Were a three headed tiger, goat, and snake monster!” Tiger Joshua yelled.

At that moment they all heard a loud howl and rustling in a bush before a large wooden wolf brief from the bushes and blocked their path growling.

“Shit…..” all three cursed.