Pinkie Runs The Country (Into The Ground)
"Mr. President, I... Um, where is President Trump?" Agent Smith was confused beyond belief, and for good reason.
Where the president usually sat in his office, a pink pony was leaning back in the chair, her hind legs on the desk and front legs crossed in front of her chest. She had a very curly mane, and it seemed like her tail was just as curly. On her face laid a huge smile, quite literally going from ear to ear. She was wearing the President's signature blue blazer and red tie, and it somehow fit her figure.
"Who's Drumpf? Was he the walking Cheeto?"
The high-pitched, annoying voice grated Smith's ear drums like cheese on a grater.
"Yes, Trump does look orange. He also has a toupee."
"Not anymore! Now Cranky Doodle Donkey has his hair back!" The pony brought her hind legs down and her front hooves onto the desk with a loud *CLOP*. She seemed proud of whatever she said she had done.
"Okay, so Miss- what's your name?"
"Just call me Pinkie Pie!"
Agent Smith should have guessed that the name had the word "pink" somewhere; that was the basically the only color on her body! Other than her blue eyes, of course.
"So Miss Pinkie Pie, do you know where President Trump is?" Nothing was making sense QUITE yet, so the conversation should go in that direction.
"Yepperooni! He came into Equestria, then he called everypony there a 'bad hombre'. I don't know what that means, but it sounded really hurtful!" Pinkie's eyes began to widen as tears threatened to well up and even fall over.
"Miss Pinkie Pie, don't cry. That's just something he says a bit; it's not offensive, I promise."
"You Pinkie Promise?"
Pinkie Promise? There was something named after this pony? "Um, sure."
"Nuh-uh! You have to go through the motions!" She backed away from the desk in the rolling chair. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." After saying the words and doing the motions, only one thing remained in Smith's mind. Confusion.
"...Moving on. So you are replacing President Trump?"
"Well, I guess so. So what's your name?"
"Call me Agent Smith."
"All righty, Smith! What is going on today?!"
The positive energy from the pony seemed to leak into everything.
"Well, there's a press conference in an hour. That's all for today."
"...I don't know what that means, but I am a master at making stuff up!"
***
"One important note of announcement. President Trump is absent, so Miss Pinkie Pie will be standing in for him. That is all. We can continue with the Q&A." Smith backed from the microphone and motioned for Pinkie to come out.
As Pinkie Pie walked on the stage to the podium, there was utter silence over the crowd. It seemed no reporter could take in what was going on. But once Pinkie got to the podium and up to the microphone, the clamoring and camera flashes started like nothing was strange.
Among the yelling of "Pinkie! Miss Pinkie!", Pinkie pointed with her hoof towards a random reporter. "Yes, Pinkie. What do you think about the illegal immigration going on right now?"
"Well, why would immigration be illegal? Why should it be? Let everyone have the whole enchilada! The more ponies, the merrier!"
That response got reporters furrowing their eyebrows and looking to each other. What did that mean? The next reporter that got picked didn't have much time to contemplate what truly was going on, though.
"With the tariffs between the US and China going on, is there any end to it? What do you see the economy doing if it does continue?"
"Ooh! That's a tough one!" Pinkie put a hoof to her chin, deep in thought. Silence once again caught the room. "Well, if they wish to have peace, we should have a nice talk with them. The economy seems stable as it is. Should remain that way." Once again, a point of the hoof and another question.
"Miss Pinkie, what do you think about the inflation and tax increases?"
"Inflation? Isn't that a fetish? The tax increase should only happen if it will benefit the majority of people."
"So you'll talk to the Fed about the tax increase?"
"Hey! One question per person!" Pinkie looked at the time, and saw Agent Smith motioning for her to wrap things up. "Speaking of which, only three more questions! Make them count!" One more hoof point.
"What is your experience before you entered politics?"
"Hmmm... I bake. I give amazing parties. I love making my friends happy!"
Hoof point.
"Pinkie! First off, big fan of yours, my daughter loves you. Second, how will you deal with domestic and foreign terrorism?"
"AWWW! I love you too, random reporter and his daughter!" Once the second question began to truly register, Pinkie's hair began to straighten. Pupils began to dilate. "...I don't think we can help them. If they hurt us, we gotta hurt them, ya know?"
"So, retaliation and send troops in?"
"NO MERCY! LAST QUESTION!"
Hoof point.
"What do you say to unnecessary police brutality?"
"Somepony has to deal with those bad hombres! Bro, when shit goes down, who you gonna call?!" Agent Smith ran out to grab Pinkie and break her out of her state before anything else could be said. To amend everything, he leaned over and said, "That's all for questions."
***
"NEWS : FAKE TRUMP ADVOCATES TERRORISM!"
"NEWS : 'MAKING FRIENDS HAPPY'? A DARK PAST!"
"NEWS : FAKE TRUMP DOESN'T UNDERSTAND INFLATION!"
Pinkie's eyes couldn't take in what was right in front of her. As much as she didn't know about this universe, a newspaper is a common sight among every being. "But... I never said I like terrorism. We just need to reciprocate! I... I... But I didn't have a dark past! But... I DO understand inflation! It's a fetish! Why are these newspapers so mean?!"
Agent Smith sighed, and looked down. "Welcome to being a politician..."
Author's Note
Every fanfic I searched on here had Trump going to Equestria, so I thought, "Why not reverse it? Have ponies rule the US?"
I have no life. Anyways!
Feel free to comment, and have a good one!
"Let me share a revelation I've had."
Agent Smith spoke as he sat in a chair in front of the President's desk. President Pinkie, that is.
"Speak away, my loyal subject!" Pinkie's voice seemingly bounced off of the walls with excitement.
" It is my firm belief that you know nothing about this world. You know nothing about humanity. You just know nothing. Do you realize what you have done to us in the USA?"
"You mean other than throw a great, big, huge PARTY?!"
Confetti was shot from all four corners of the room. Agent Smith jumped in his chair; how did President Pinkie have time to put those there? Was this world, too, a Matrix?
"...President, when did you put those there?"
"That's a secret!" If the grin on Pinkie's face was indication, it would certainly stay that way.
"Back to the point. The other countries in this world are preparing for war because of what you said about terrorism. For WAR. With the United States!" His face darkened.
"Hold on, Smith!" A pink hoof suddenly shot out mere millimeters away from Smith's face. "Let me share a revelation I'VE had!"
"Um. President?"
"Doesn't the United States as an acronym spell 'us'? *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP*
How do you keep from using the WRONG WORD?!" Once again, a grin stretched Pinkie's face.
One facepalm later, Agent Smith felt a lot of anger towards his actually-inferior "superior". "President! We have more important issues right now! Please focus!"
A microscope appeared on Pinkie's desk, with said pony hunched over. One eye was closed, tongue poking out, hoof moving slowly on the lens. "OK. I'm focused. Now what?"
"THIS is not time to mess around! PINKIE!" Once again, a facepalm and remark later, Agent Smith couldn't believe this pony. He was amazed how stupid she was.
"Lighten up, Smithy! You're getting wrinkles!" Mumbling to herself, she uttered, "Rarity would flip out about that."
"FINE! When you get serious and ready to talk, call me in!" His hands shot up in surrender, and he walked fast towards the door. When he stopped speaking, Agent Smith left the room.
"Such a grumpy pants! Can't take a joke!" Pinkie reached under the desk, and grabbed a laptop. Was it there before? It's Pinkie Pie. Don't question it. She opened the lid, and it opened to a camera. A camera of... Equestria? A certain human walked into view, and noticed the camera.
"I don't know who you are, but you can't run my country better than me." A nasal voice came out, and with the way the wind blew, it looked like the toupee was talking rather than Trump.
"That's where you're wrong, bucko! In one day, I've done more than you ever could!"
"Excuse me, did you write the 'Art of the Deal'?"
"No, but I made Agent Smith walk out in frustration!"
Trump's eyes widened. Was Pinkie lying? "If you're telling me the truth, then I say you're a good hombre."
"*GAAASP!* I'm a good hombre?! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
"Tell me something, pink pony. Who rules this place?"
"Princess Celestia!"
"You need more trade here. I don't see a lot of import-export business. Everything's domestic. It's bad for business!"
"But we never really needed other countries to trade with. Just to make peace with them!"
An idea got into Trump's mind. "No one makes peace better than I do. Where would Princess Celestia be at?"
"Canterlot!"
"Since you're running my country, I'll be running your country. Thank you. Now go back home to mommy!"
Before Pinkie could say or do anything, Trump was off, looking for a way to Canterlot and make Celestia read his book. Even if Pinkie wanted to cross dimensions to stop him, that could be a bit tough!
Then the phone rang. And rang.
Unsure of what to do, Pinkie pressed the button next to her. Not a moment later, Agent Smith walked in. "President?"
"Um, how does this thing work?" The question from any other being would have been dismissed, but since it's the President asking, and she's from an alternate universe, he would assist.
"Just pick this up and hold it like this." Agent Smith demonstrated while talking to whoever was on the other end. "President's office. Who is this?"
"Is Pinkie Pie there?!"
A raspy voice came from the other end. It sounded like someone had a really bad case of laryngitis. The voice was irritating enough that Agent Smith pulled the phone away from his ear, and decided to show one more feature of a phone.
"President, if you prefer to not hold this, then just hit this button with 'Speaker' above it." Smith did so, and hung up the phone. The same voice came through, asking again, "Is Pinkie Pie there?!"
"*GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!* Rainbow! What's up?!"
"I have no idea, Pinks! I saw your picture in the newspaper and did everything I could to call you!"
"Where are you right now?!"
"Hey! Me no habla espanol! Adios!" Aggression took over Rainbow's voice, and both person and pony jumped at how loud the volume was. "I don't know, but I've been wearing this stupid hat for a few days! These people think I run their country!"
Author's Note
Thanks to user "Droll1" for the initial idea in the comments.
Yeah, this could become a thing, with a better plot and all that. But that means effort, and I'm lazy! Anyways!
Feel free to comment, and have a good one!
