The Asshole 4 One-Shots S1 EP1

by mojowuq9

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Nightmare Moon, Sex, Fetish, Science Fiction, Comedy, Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia, Human, Princess Luna, Drama, Gore
Length: 1162

The Asshole 4, a group from from the apocalyptic wastelands of 2017.....

The Asshole 4, a group from from the apocalyptic wastelands of 2017, controlled by the Femenazi order, get called to Equestria, kill the threat they were tasked with stopping, and get stuck there. Forever. At least they get laid.

Published 2018-08-14 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-14 21:10:01 UTC

Ep1

"Ugh. I'm so fucking bored! We haven't had a job in.....3 days!" Rouge grumbled.

"Actually, we do, friend." Tallair Ten Yu told Rouge, showing everyone a scroll. "Apparently, a foreign country called 'Equestria' is under attack from 'Nightmare Moon' and her armies. We have been asked to stop them from conquering Equestria. Oh, our reward is 1,000 'bits', the local currency, which is made of pure gold. Oh, yeah, it also says another reward we'll be receiving is the senders' body, Princess Celestia, the ruler of that land."

"Uhh...So, free sex?" Rouge asked.

"With technicolor horses called 'ponies' who, according to the provided pictures of the ruler, are not exactly horses. Also, they are sentient so it's not bestiality."

"Lemme see." Everyone whistled at the sight of Celestia wearing fishnet socks, wearing a leather muzzle, plus reigns. "So.....her fetish is submission?"

"Seems so, friend. I do not know about you 3, but I would fuck that."

"Yeah, I would."

"Sure."

"Damn, she's fine. Yes."

"Well," Tallair said. "Let's grab our equipment friends. After that, we just sign the scroll and burn it, and we'll be teleported there." They all agreed, and before they left, Admiral Ov'r Arm'ed asked what the fuck was going on. After telling him, he decided to come as well. They burned the scroll. As soon as it caught fire, it exploded into white light.

"Huh. Well, there's the army we have to kill." Rouge said, pointing at 50 weird bat-pony creatures. Their eyes were dilated to the point of no pupils. That meant mind control. After sitting there for a few minutes, a tall, black pony walked out from the crowd. 'This must be Nightmare Moon.' Tallair thought.

"Hmm? What weird creatures..." She said, walking up to them. "Mmmm... Such handsome studs~" She said saucily, and once she was close enough, Rouge raised his arms, his dual-wield 2017's teleporting in his hands, and started spinning them. Why? The guns fire by spinning them 360 degrees while holding the handles. The gun looks like this: O=- Plus a handle in the O, horizontal to the gun. You hold on to these while spinning them. How it works is by:
When you spin them, the handle cocks the firing mechanism, and when it completes the 360 degree spin, it fires. The shells are teleported in and out of the gun, into and out of a backpack Rouge wears. Anyways, Nightmare died after just one shot. How could he tell? Nightmares face imploded, and the bat-ponies' eyes shrunk.

"Yeah! Finally, we're free!" They stated cheering. After ten seconds, Nightmare exploded, and a light-blue pony with a baby-blue mane was crouched in the crater. Surprisingly, Baron The Trapmaster walked forward, carefully picked the pony up by hooking his arms under her barrel, sat down cross-legged and placed the pony in his lap, petting her, also scratching behind her ear, hearing her soft moans of appreciation. After a few minutes, Celestia walked forward.

"Hello, sister. It has been forever since I saw you like this." After a few more sentences, which I'm too lazy to watch the episode or to read a fic that shows the dialogue, they go to the castle to collect their 'reward'.

"Thank you for saving me from Nightmare Moon's control! What are your names?" Luna, they learned, asked.

"I'm Tallair Ten Yu, the Elf heightist."

"I'm Rouge, the loud ass assassin."

"I'm Baron The Trapmaster, comrade." He said in his russian accent.

"I'm Stevepunk, the steam engineer."

"I'm the 5th member, Admiral Ov'r Arm'ed." They all struck poses.

"And we're," They all said at the same time. "The Asshole 4!"

"Well~" Celestia started, her tail raised. "Me and Luna shall prepare for your reward~"

"Yeah, actually, that doesn't exactly sit right with us to just have sex a a reward. I'd like to get to know you 2, and annoy the hell out of some nobles." Rouge said.

"Oh. Okay, well, come in my bedchambers, and we'll properly introduce ourselves." They walk in, and sit down. Luna sits down off to the side. Baron ain't having that anti-social shit. He walks over, picks her up by her barrel, and carries her to the center, where everybody is sitting. He sits down, placing her in his lap, and begins petting her. She relaxes, reaching up and snuggling into his chest. "Aw... That's cute. Anyways, I am Princess Celestia, the ruler of this country, now along with my sister there. What are you, and where did you come from?"

"I'll tell this story." Ov'r said to the others. "*Deep Breath*...Well, it all began in 1010/7/10, when magic was discovered. After an endless war over artifacts that were made, a wizard stops time in 2017. This action leads to the downfall of men, where all women suddenly started hating men and wanted them all to die. This action also causes magic to become comedic. This lasted thousands of hours, but the year always stayed 2017. The men are fighting for their lives. We, after figuring out we won't be any less or more hated for anything we do, band together and make the Asshole 4. We go around, being assholes. After a year of doing this, Ov'r becomes our friend by being a total douche and not handing us in to the police, despite the sixty-five undecillion dollar reward on us. So, he became the with official member. After another year, we decided to become mercenaries. Now we're here, and we don't have a bounty, so we can change how we act." After the initial shock at a number that large, which is $65,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Apparently there's a holiday called 'Nightmare Night' that is related to Nightmare Moon. The Asshole 4 decided to go and scare the shit out of everyone. Now they're planning.

"Here we go," Rouge told everyone. "The author just gave me the perfect song to play! He told me to remix it."

"Well, show us comrade."

"Yeah, sure."

After the song ended, they all agreed they should remix it. Meanwhile, Baron was stroking Luna's flank.

"Is this dye, comrade?" He asked Luna, who was moaning due to his rubbing, her tail lifting in arousal.

"T-that is our-augh-cutie m-marks. They appear when we figure-ahh-out o-our special talent.." He pulls his hand away. "Please....M-more!" He does it again, this time, closer to her marehood, Luna beginning to moan louder this time.

"....Well, comrades, I better go to a different room. See you later." And he leaves while carrying Luna, obviously to go to his guest room.

"Lucky bastard." Rogue sneered at him. The rest just sighed.

Author's Note

This is going to be a series with way too many sequels. I'll probably make a group just for this series soon. Anyways, I'm fairly sure I did fairly well with the medium sexual stuff. Clop will come at the end of the season. For now, ideas are welcome as to what should happen.

Play Dwarf Fortress.