Almost Easy

(Author's Note: Yes. This is based off the George Thorogood song... cept for the landlady and losing the rent. CAUTION: Contains drunk ponies. Rate and comment...)

((EDIT 1: 10/26/2012; General cleanup and made easier to read...))

“Oh yes… Misty, yes! I’d love to!” Cale was walking alongside Misty on a beach in Las Pegasus, right after a very emotional and intense night on the town, and in the hotel (and the hotel room, the bathroom, that random taxi… too much?). She had offered to him; a walk on the beach with her, and he gladly took that offer.

“You were amazing last night, Caley~!” She nuzzled up to him as they walked.

“You too, babe~! Ah that was… incredible!” Cale was thinking back to the night before… all his emotions coming out at once… and his passion and love for her as well.

“I knew you were athletic but Celestia, that was amazing!” Apparently she liked it too much, that’s all she had talked about… Course Cale didn’t care, he was spending time with his special somepony, and the action last night was more intense than ever.

“I know, babe…” He lay down on the soft, white sand and invited her to lay with him. She obliged, resting her body on his with her head on his soft blue-furred chest.

He stroked her mane slowly, watching the sun set over the horizon, meaning Luna’s beautiful moon would soon envelop them in her beautiful darkness… Misty nuzzled under his chin and embraced his neck, smothering him with kisses. “You know, we could be like this forever…” she smiled and nuzzled him again.

“Ya… I’d hope so~!” he looked down at her and noticed she had fallen fast asleep. He smiled at her, chuckling, still stroking her beautiful light-blue and teal mane, “Well, that was fast…” His eyes cast out into the ocean, taking in the breathtaking views, “I am the luckiest stallion alive… luckiest… stallion…” SPLASH!

“GAH!” Cale leaped out of his bed faster than a phoenix that just had its tail plucked and hit the ceiling with enough force that his head got stuck in it, leaving him hanging from the ceiling, and desperately trying to get free.

“Told you that would wake him up.” That voice seems familiar…

“Ah’ noticed.” So does that one… Cale knew it was somepony he knew.

“So… how do we get him down?” It was a third voice, and of course Cale recognized that one too.

“Fire?”

“No, no… Ah’ haven’t mastered fire spells, yet.”

“Grab your sword then!”

“Mine? Hell, no! I’m not gonna hurt him! It would be fun but he’d kill us!”

“Would you three mind shutting up and getting me out of here? It ain’t exactly cool up in the attic.” Cale was getting frustrated trying to pull himself out.

“Alright, Cune… everypony, grab a leg.”

“But there are three of us.”

“Heh?”

“Ah’ think he means to just grab Cune’s legs.”

“So… he has three legs?”

“Whaddya mean “he has three legs?””

“Well… there are three of us, and you said grab one of his legs… and there would have to be 3 legs for each of us to grab…”

“AHEM!”

“OK, ok! Grab a leg, boys!”

The three ponies grabbed a leg, two on one and one on the other and started pulling as hard as they could.

“Good… Celestia… Gah!” Cale was choking a bit… If only they had used butter… or some sort of lubricant beforehoof...

“C’mon! We almost got ‘im!”

“I think I’m getting a Charlie-human…”

“Shut up and pull!”

They kept at this for a few minutes, until the wood on the ceiling surrounding Cale’s head started to crack.

“It’s a crackin’, boys!”

“You… ugh… do realize we’re stallions, right?”

Finally, the wood cracked and Cale, along with some debris and a random suitcase, tumbled down upon the three ponies.

When the dust cleared, Cale was on his back, on top of somepony, the suitcase, containing almost nothing but Cale’s rock collection, had knocked one of Cale’s rescuers out, and its contents were spread about the room.

Cale’s head was spinning rapidly.

“CUNE? CUUUUUUUNE? You ok?” One of the ponies was standing over him, shaking him violently.

“Auntie-M is that you?” Cale said shakily, not comprehending what he just said.

“Eeyep… he’s fine.” Cale recognized the blurry figure as Scott, and shook his head a couple times. “Scott… What the hay are you doing here? I thought you and Lilly were gonna be out explorin’!”

“Sorry ‘bout that, Cune… It was delayed til’ tomorrow. Somethin’ came up.” He helped Cale up and Cale glanced over to see Shadow looking down at Shade, who had been the victim of a suitcase full of rocks to the head

“Why are they here?” He asked Scott.

“Long story… I was gonna tell ya Granny Smith wanted ya on the farm, and Shade and Shadow ‘ere just… stalked me. Then Shade decides it’s funny to wake you up on your first nigh’ in the new house by dumpin’ a load of freezing-cold water on ya.” Scott looked at him nervously.

Dammit... that was a great dream too… gah, she’d never want that… I’m getting too attached. She’s just a friend. “Well, thanks. But you woke me up from a very good dream. And I mean VERY GOOD.”

“Was it about that mare you met? Hmmm…?” Scott looked at him and winked.

“Maybe… None of your business!” Cale looked over at Shadow who was just now bringing Shade to.

“What hit me…?” Shade looked at Cale.

“A suitcase full of rocks.” Cale was trying to hold back his laughter.

“Why do you have a suitcase full of rocks???”

“Cause there wasn’t room in my dresser.”

“Why not outside?”

“Because they’re mine. And I don’t want them to weather down and get wet.”

Shade inhaled, ready to make another outburst, but Shadow put his hoof over Shade’s mouth, “Don’t you have a job to get to, Cune?” he asked him.

“SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA! I FORGOT!” He started to dash around the room, grabbing his saddlebag, and trademark Stetson, and rushing out the door… or rather, INTO it. Hard.

“…ow.”

Scott chuckled and opened the door,  helping him up.

Cale rubbed his head and suddenly remembered, “Oh, ya… you said you weren’t leaving til’ tomorrow with Lilly, right?” Cale asked him, looking over at Shade admiring a new blade Shadow had pulled out to show him.

“Uh… ya.” Scott looked at him oddly, “Cale, we are not gonna do a three-“

“NOT WHAT I WAS GONNA SUGGEST.” Cale looked at him, annoyed he had jumped to conclusions… sure, Scott’s wife was really hot, but he’d never ask for that. He wondered why Scott thought that way sometimes… “I meant me, you, Shade, Shadow, and the bar on the outskirts of Ponyville. Little going-away party, drinks on me, tonight.”

“OH… alrighty… I’ll take you up on that offer!” Scott blushed then looked at the other two, “Y’all gonna go come to the bar tonight?”

“…I’ve never drink before…” Shade looked down, as if that was a blow to his stallionhood or something.

“This should be interesting, then.” Shadow re-sheathed his sword and walked towards the door.

“So… like… What? We just show up there? I dunno where it is.” Shade looked over at Cale who chuckled and pointed to Shadow, “Shadow knows the way… we go there together sometimes.”

“Ya… it’s fun, and there’s a fencing arena there!” Shadow looked excited.

“Well, there wouldn’t be if you hadn’t’ve suggested they build one there.” Cale chuckled a bit.

“Oh, ya…”

“Welp, anyways, boys… I gotta go. If I’m late Granny Smith’ll throw me in the pot and fire me up! She almost did once…” he started down the stairs.

“Can we come?” Shade followed him.

“Ya, Cune, can we???”

“Heck no… I’ve been friends with the Apple Family for years… the only reason they trust me is because I’ve known Mr. Apple since like… forever… and now that Mrs. Apple has another confirmed pregnancy I’m doing double-duty as a worker and foalsitter for Little Macintosh… who surprisingly is now as strong as me… Stout little guy… Where’d Scott go?”

They all looked around but all that could be seen was a random black burn mark on the floor.

“Guess he teleported out… prolly getting ready… Now you two…” Cale turned to them, “I’ll see y’all… tonight.” And with that, Cale bolted out the door and took off for Sweet Apple Acres.

“Noooooow listen here, sonny, there’s no need to back-talk your elders!” Granny Smith smacked the tree with her bag, “You’re slackin’ on the job soldier so MOVE YOUR CABOOSE!” The tree said nothing.

“Granny Smith?”

“Who is it be that’s talkin’ ta me?” she responded.

“It’s Calecune, ma’am. I’m here to work?”

“Ooooooh, yes, sonny… the north field today… I’m puttin’ the troops in their place, so just go ahead and start there, young’un!” she smacked the tree again, “I HEARD THAT.”

Cale chuckled and walked past her, through the groves and groves of apple tree, looking up through the leaves to see the sun’s rays beaming through them down onto the ground. This was paradise to him. It was also a symbol of home, his home, back on the farm… and the groves of apple and pear trees he was to harvest… Course there are no pear trees here, but he doesn’t care. Work is work, and the pay is good enough to sustain him through his life… and his occasional drinking runs. He doesn’t drink, usually, only for special occasions, prefers the imported Kentucky Bourbon, which is imported from a completely different dimension… he hadn’t a clue how they did it, but he didn’t care.

He continued walking through the trees, taking in the smell of the fresh ripe apples ready to be bucked out of the tree at any given moment. North Field… interesting, she usually tells me to do the south fields… oh, well, it’s not as big as the south field… I can deal with it.

Arriving at the North Field, Cale took a moment to prepare himself, stretching his legs and back, and taking a few practice kicks in the air. “Ah… that’s better… Now… Time to work!” He dropped his saddlebag near a tree and set up a few baskets that had been lying nearby around the tree and backed up to it, giving it a strong kick, all the apples falling off from the blow into the baskets, a few missing and popping out. Cale picked them up, put them in the basket, and started on the next tree… and the next tree… after a few trees he loaded up the apple cart and pulled it to the barn, where Mr. Apple was standing and took the cart from Cale and helped him unload them into the barn. Now, the only reason Mr. Apple wasn’t doing this himself was that, due his wife’s new pregnancy, had to stay with her the whole time… and Cale constantly had to take care of their son, who was helping his dad at the moment.

After loading up the baskets, Cale trotted back down the hill back to the other trees, cart full of the now-empty baskets, and started on the next batch of trees.

Later that day, around lunch time, Cale situated himself under one of the apple trees and pulled a daisy sandwich out and leaned against the tree. “Ahhh… lunch… the one hour I don’t have to work… not that I mind of course.” He took a big bite of his sandwich when a head popped down from the tree.

“AH!” he nearly dropped his sandwich.

“Hey there, Cale!” Misty was hanging upside down from the branch.

“W-what… M-Misty? What are you doing here? Why are you here? How you kn-“

She put her hoof over his mouth, “My, aren’t we asking a lot of questions today… I was taking a break and spotted you down here and thought I’d drop by and say hi!” She righted herself and hovered down and sat beside him.

“Heh… if I knew you were stopping by, I’d’ve brought another sandwich.” Cale looked at her and smiled nervously.

“Oh, it’s fine, I already ate. Just decided to take a bit of a flight anyways.” She pulled back the hood covering her head, her mane falling down to her shoulder, “Phew… it was getting stuffy… so… this is what you do?”

“Eeeyup. Most every day... It’s the main way I make income and what not.”

“Sounds… difficult. Harvesting apples, I mean.”

“Nah… Watch this!” He trotted over to a tree full of apples; he had prepared it earlier for harvest, but got distracted by lunch. He gave it one hard kick, and the hard contact loosened every apple from the tree and they all fell into the baskets.

“WOW!” She looked enticed by the sight, “Just ONE kick? You must be pretty strong, then!”

“Eh… sorta. It’s just… like I told you… growing up on a farm… you develop your muscles… like how most of my legs are strong I bet your wings are stronger than mine.” He looked at her wings… Yep, they were toned extremely well, he could tell they were way stronger than his own. He looked his over… they looked a bit flabby, no tone or muscle to them. All he figured he could do was open them… didn’t know if he could fly or not.

She spread her wings and rubbed them a bit. “Well… you have a point there… I remember you said you didn’t know if you could fly or not?”

“Eh…”

“Well, I’ll help you then… no use being a pegasi if you can’t fly now is there?”

“Well… uh… I… I like the ground… it’s… safe and… not so high up…” Cale didn’t want her knowing he was actually very afraid of heights.

“Well… tell ya what, I’ll come by next week when I’m off and I’ll help you get your wings back.” she jumped up and hovered over him for a moment.

“…Nothing in return?”

“Nope… I just can’t stand to see a fellow pegasi grounded!” She giggled at him.

“Well… thanks, Misty… really.”

“No problem… now, I don’t like to rush a convo but I gotta get back to Cloudsdale… We got a show to do tonight… oh dear I’m gonna be late… bye, Caley!” She does a backflip and flies away, bolting off into the distance.

“…What a mare…” Cale shook his head a couple times, “Must continue… need to get this done…” Trotting over to another tree, he continued his work… right after finishing the rest of his sandwich.

With the cart put away, the apples piled neatly in their barrels, and a quick lesson on Applebucking to Little Mac, Cale was quickly figuring out the sun was setting fast. He bid farewell to the Apple Family and exited Sweet Apple Acres.

“Hopefully I’m not too late…” Cale made his way down the dirt path, through the center of town and onto a side road leading what seemed to be nowhere. Cale looked around cautiously, as he was ambushed there once before. He slipped between the trees and in front of him stood a small sign reading ‘Ponyville Bar’ and hastily scribbled underneath it was ‘…and fencing arena’. Chuckling to himself, Cale continued down the path, reaching a rather modestly-large building, made of stone. He could hear the juke box inside blaring some of Ozzy Ozzmare’s music. Cale slowly opened the door and stepped inside.

“Hey, Cale! What’s up my main stallion?” a voice from behind the counter boomed across the room to Cale.

“Hey, Jackie, whaddup, girl?” Cale galloped over to the bar and took a seat next to the register, “It’s been a bit ain’t it?”

“Yup… business is slow nowadays… but ah’m still making it”. Her raspy voice pierced Cale’s ears. Cale had known her for a while now, she served him every time he came to the bar. She’s a dark brown Earth Pony, mane and tail are jet-black… her eyes are a bright candy-apple red, and her figure is similar to a model mare’s. Cale never figured out how, for her age, she kept her figure looking so young. Oh, and her cutie mark is a whiskey bottle. Her name is Jackie Daniels after all.

“So, then Mr. Calecune, whaddya here fer? I thought you’d done gone and abandoned me, haha!” she laughed.

“Well, I just thought I’d lay off the alcohol for a bit… tonight’s special, though… ifen they ever get here.” He set hit hat on the counter and looked around.

“Special occasion, eh? You gettin’ married or somethin’?”

“Not yet, Jackie… still searching for that one…”

“Well, ah’m still available."

“…”

“Ah’m just pullin’ yer leg, darlin’. You’s is one-third my age… and a good-looking young stallion at that. They didn’t make em like you back when ah was a courtin’.”

Cale blushed, “Thanks, Jackie…”

“No problemo, son. Now… whats the occasion?” she pulled out a towel and started dusting the glasses.

“One of my best friends is goin’ out of town with his wife on an expedition… I wanted to give him a going-away party… y’know. Cause I’m a good friend.”

“That ya are, Cale… that ya are. Wish ah had a son like you…”

“What happened to him again?”

“Murdered. In the dead of nigh’… whilst he was a sleepin’ with his wife… Those hoodlums killed him in cold blood… took all their things and left… their two kids… bless their little hearts… traumatized ‘em. Prolly for life. Or longer than that… I tried to get custody of ‘em… but they said a “Bartender ain’t no fittin’ ta be a mother in this day an’ time.” So her parents got ‘em… prolly fer the best… Her folks… they come from Canterlot, see? An’ that’s where they live. She was a unicorn… migh’ pretty one, too… He did right, choosin’ her… Dear Celestia I miss him… been almost…. Er… 3 years since that night… and I ain’t never gonna forget it either…”

“Guess we both have things that we like to but can’t forget…” Cale looked down at the wood grain on the counter.

“Oh, c’mon now… Don’t let this ol’ granny sadden ya with her stories… You gonna be a fine stallion, son. I believe it. Just git yerself a nice young and hearty mare and you’ll do fine. Jus’ don’t forget yer old Auntie Jackie when you got 20 little ones runnin’ around, aight?” she patted his shoulder.

“Thanks, Jackie… you really know how to cheer a stallion up.”

“Jus’ doin’ ma job, sonny.”

“I thought your job was being a bartender.”

“Nearly 45 years and still kickin’ at it!” She smiled and poured him a glass of Bourbon,

“First one’s on the house, sonny.”

“Thanks!” Cale wrapped his hoof around the handle and lifted it up to his mouth, sipping it a bit and setting it back down, “Ah… That’s better…”

“Sonny, you so young, I don’t rightly understand why you even taken to drinkin’”.

“In moderation it’s fine… I’m not like Otis.” Cale took another sip.

Jackie laughed. “That’s true, boy. I swear he comes in here, and after just one beer is drunker than a mad hatter!” she smacked her knee and kept laughing, prompting Cale to start laughing as well.

“He’s a nut. I’ll give ya that… but ya, I don’t like to do this very often. I know its bad for my health.”

“I’ll let you in a little secret, son…” she leaned down next to him and whispered, “I ain’t drank in nearly 3 months. No foolin’!”

“Really? Congrats! So the therapy classes I suggested are working?”

“You better believe it, boy! And here’s a bit of gratitude for ya… fer helpin’ me with my problem.” She reached under the counter and pulled out a dusty box, “I mean ta give this to ya fer yer birthday but I forgot and got ya that fire ruby instead.” She hoofed him the box.

“Wow! Thanks, Jackie!” Cale tore into the box and pulled out what seemed to be an antique watch and chain. “Wait… this isn’t…”

“Buddy’s, yep. Mah late husband’s watch. It’s all yours, sonny.” She looked at it for a moment.

“OH, but Jackie…” he started to give it back to her.

She waved it away. “That’s a gift from me and Buddy. Celestia rest his soul… He’d want somepony kind enough to have it. Ol’ Bud Weiser… mah Buddy…” She glanced over to an old picture of the two of them on their wedding day. To this day, she never goes anywhere without that picture. Buddy passed away about 10 years ago due to a rare health condition… Jackie, of course, never remarried, and kept up the bar her and her late husband had started so many years ago. Cale had stumbled upon it one night during a late-night walk. Jackie and him had become fast friends, despite their extreme age difference. At first, Jackie didn’t want him coming inside due to his age. But when he hit the legal age in Equestria, she let him in. He never drank hardly anything, no more than a glass of Kentucky Bourbon whilst he was there, and he gave no trouble to the regulars, rather just starting up a conversation with them… Jackie liked having him around, maybe because he reminded her of her son.

“Thank… thank you Jackie. I’ll hold on to it for as long as I live!” He opened it and examined the insides, the hoof-built frame was astounding… gleaming in bright gold, the word “Foalex” embossed on the watches face… and, true to a Foalex, Cale put it up to his ear… no ticking. It was genuine. Such a watch was worth thousands of bits… but he’d never sell it, never get rid of it. Something this valuable was worth keeping. He slowly shut the watch and tucked it neatly into his saddlebag.

“Hey, Cale.”

“Jackie?”

“Are those yer friends bai the door over there?” she pointed to three familiar faces, Shadow, Shade, and… Scott.

“Eeeyep. HEY GUYS OVER HERE!”

Scott turned to look at Cale and galloped on over, Shade and Shadow close behind.

“Cune, bro you’re here!” Scott took a seat beside him, while Shadow took the other seat next to Cale, leaving Shade to sit by Shadow.

“It’s been like an hour I’ve been waiting here for y'all.”

“Sorry… Shade got scared…”

“DID NOT!”

“…like ah’ was saying, he got scared and we had to literally drag him on out of his house.” Scott set his hat next to Cale’s.

“Hmm… I’m gonna go fencing for a bit..” Shadow hopped down and trotted to the fencing room, allowing Shade to steal his seat next to Cale.

“Shade, Scott… this is Jackie Daniels” Cale introduced them, “Jackie these are Scott and Shade, two of my close friends.”

“Well then howdy-doo to the two! Nice ta meet ya there, young’uns! Jus’ call me Aunt Jackie, now what can I serve you handsome stallions tonigh’?” she supported herself using the counter.

“Uh… j-just a beer… please.” Shade was nervous as heck.

“I’ll have the same… I’m not gonna go and git myself hammered…” Scott leaned back in his chair, watching Jackie poor the two beers.

“Two beers fer the gentlecolts, and do ya want another bourbon, Cale?”

“De-caff coffee would be fine…”

“Alrighty, one De-caff coffee!” She poured it and slid it across the counter, where he caught it in his hoof.

A couple hours later, both Scott and Cale were dragging a drunken Shade out of the bar, Jackie in the background yelling “Ah tried ta warn him!”

“18 beers… lawdy…” Cale was struggling to lift the struggling stallion.

“Gerroff me!” Shade struggled, but being so hammered, he couldn’t hit anything.

“Least I had the decency to stop after two!” Scott also striggled to lift him.

“Heavy for such a little guy, ain’t he?” Cale finally just dropped him.

“OW!”

Scott let go as well. “Well… we can’t exactly carry the poor thing.”

“WHY IS THE SKY SPINNING?”

“Hey… have you mastered the levitation spell yet?” Cale looked at Scott.

“Uh… partially.”

“Use that! You’re a unicorn!”

“Alrighty then… here goes…” Scotts horn began to glow as he strained to concentrate his energy on picking up Shade. A warm glow surrounds Shade as he’s lifted into the air (“Hheheheheheh… I’m flying!”).

Scott then starts walking, with Cale walking beside Shade, who has resorted to muttering random nonsense.

About a half-hour walk later, they arrive at the downhill slope that leads to Shade’s house. Unfortunately, this is where Scott’s spell wears off, dropping Shade.

“OW… OOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO…” Shade rolled and rolled down the hill, Cale and Scott watching in horror, but to their surprise, the force of his slamming into his front door knocks it open and closes itself.

“…It’s like they say… there’s more than one way ta pluck a buzzard!” Scott laughed a bit.

“He’ll feel that in the morning. Along with one big hangover.” Cale chuckled.

“So… guess this is goodbye for now, pal.” Scott turned to Cale.

“Ya… hope to see you back safely, dude.” Cale stuck out his hoof, but Scott hugs him instead.

“We will see each other again, right?” Scott asked him.

Cale hugged his best friend back, “Of course, bro.” he broke the bro-hug, “I’m never leaving Ponyville, that’s for sure.”

“Alrighty… well… I’ll check on Shade then head back ta Lilly… bro?”

“Ya?”

“Treat that gal you got nicely. I have a feeling it’ll work out. Trust me bro.” Scott galloped down to Shade’s house to check on him.

“Later… bro…” Cale turned for home, “Wait… Aren’t I forgetting something? …nah.” he walked onwards to his residence.

Back at the bar/fencing arena, Shadow was hanging from the ceiling. Apparently he was shot up there by his fencing sword. How? Who knows? He’s afraid of heights, though… that’s for sure.

“Cune? Scott? Shade? Anypony?” he called out, his voice echoing the building.

Jackie came by the room, humming to herself and shut the lights out in the room, apparently oblivious to Shadow’s cries for help… or her hearing aid’s battery died. Then she turned around, walked past the counter, and left the building, locking the door behind her.

“…Crabapples.”