Memoirs of an idiotic Necromancer

I groggily opened my eyes waiting for some semblance of focus. Yawning I tried to stretch my arms and legs, shocked at feeling a hollow emptiness in my body.

"Sargent! I-I can't feel my legs!" Vaugley remembering what happened before I blacked out I giggled to myself as the world came into a sharp crisp focus.

I looked around as a slightly disturbed voice in a wizened old man's voice proclaimed:

"I'm sorry master but for now you have no legs..."

I looked in a vaguely upward direction to see that I was tied to a sattle bag strapped to a handsome looking goat, looking around I did indeed have no legs... or arms... or even a torso.

"So it seems... Exactly how long... Grogar, if I am to assume... How long have I been dead, before you finally realized my instructions were half delivered before you ever so rudely, Cut Off My head?!?!"

Grogar taps at the ground nervously before answering, "Approximately three hundred fifty seven years three months and six days... Master..."

I thought for a little while, as I was thrown into this world just a scant few years before the fall of discord I had missed a great many things. The rise of the sisters the battle against discord and well into the rise of Sombra. I started giggling like a mad lunatic.

"So are you saying not only did you cut my head off, wondering why I'm still a head by the way... but you failed to resurrect me in time to mess with the time line as I planned? How dose that even happen?!?!"

Grogar begins walking up towards the top of a snow capped mountain I just noticed was nearby and sighs. "Well master.. after I followed your command to sever your head from your body I was still unable to think throughly enough to realize my mistake, as such I waited for the next command for quite some time. Before I realized it weeks had gone by and it was all I could do to preserve your soon to be rotting head."

I looked him in the eyes as best I could smirking. "Let me tell you, the loss of such an image of manliness would have truly been a loss to Equis. What's up with the head thing anyway?"

I start to flex what little muscles I had in what was left of my neck and realize I could change position by tolling my head in a disturbing fashion.

"Well master... it seems as though some of the more... hard to obtain ingredients needed in your resurrection were lost in my haste to follow your first and only order. As such my quest to obtain and use such ingredients was lacking as I had no knowledge or experience in actually obtaining them."

I blinking dumbly exclaimed "I left notes on everything! How could you possibly have messed up so badly as to have to wait almost five hundred years to resurrect my corps?"

Grogar looking away and grunts embarrassed. "You did not instill in me the knowledge to read your native language..."

If I had arms I would have face palmed so hard it would have inverted my face...

"You are telling me I gave you all the knowledge in equipment to be able to use and learn and forgot to give you simple knowledge of my own homes alphabet?