Strings faded out and were swelled up by the vinyl player’s crackling. A hard click preceded the needle retracting itself and moving back into its resting position. The spinning record slowed and gradually came to a stop.

Mantra sat across the table in her sparkling blue dress. Underneath Mind’s stained bib was the tuxedo top he wore on their last dinner together. Plates were spread on the table, all of them either empty or left with scraps. An empty wine glass was rested beside the mare and her horn’s glow evanesced.

"Alright, Mind. Mommy's thought really hard about this, so listen up. I'm going to tell you everything, but first I need ask you a couple of questions, and I need you to answer them honestly." Mind set his bottle on the high chair tray and sat himself attentively. "Can you promise me that?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"No, I need you to promise me." The unicorn’s gaze on him concentrated. "These are very important questions to me, and I need to trust that you understand the weight of a promise."

"Okay," Mind replied, taking a mildly deep breath, "I promise I'll answer your questions honestly."

"Good boy." A wet rag eagerly wiped his face clean, then her luminescent magic proceeded to untie the bib and set it in a pile with the dirty rags beside him. "First off, how much has Snowy told you?"

"Fuck!" He thought to himself, holding back raising a hoof to his chin.

"It's okay if you tell me. He's not going to be in trouble."

"Well…” His hoof then nervously scratched the back of his head. “I promised him I wouldn't tell." He was close to shaking in his seat. Relief struck him when Mantra chuckled in response.

"Okay, I'll let that question slide. It's not exactly fair of me to make you break a promise you made with him first.” Mind gave a courtesy laugh and agreed with her. “But while the weight of a promise is heavy, the weight of one’s morals should always outweigh it; sometimes we makes promises that really shouldn’t be kept. So let me make one thing clear: If he told you something hurtful about me that you’re keeping from me,” her irises were then consumed within a fiery scarlet, “you and him are in huge trouble.” Mind wore a calm veil, despite the fact that he didn’t take her threat lightly; he didn’t have anything of the sort to confess, but there was a chance she wouldn’t believe it. “But I trust I’ve raised you well enough to not give into peer pressure or be influenced by another pony’s delinquency. You should know that what Mommy says goes.” Her eyes changed back to normal and she smiled brightly. “Next question, then: Do you think I've been a good mommy?"

"Well, I'm not actually a baby-"

"C'mon Mind, you're smarter than that. You know I wouldn't be doing this if I wanted an actual foal to take care of. I’ll ask again: Do you think I've been a good mommy?"

"Well, you've certainly played the part of a mother. It's almost as if when you look at me, you see an actual foal, instead of an adult in diapers. It took a bit for me to get used to, but I can safely say I've really enjoyed the time we've spent together. So yes, I think you're a good mommy."

"You came up with that answer rather fast." Mind cracked a toothy smile in response. "I kind of expected that, though. But now for my last question: If you had to choose between me and going back out into the world and living an adult life, which would you pick?"

"Oh boy.” Mind pressed his hoof to his chin, the middle joint in his front hoof acting as an elbow resting on the tray. “I haven't really thought about that... Well, not since the start of-” He then cleared his throat. “I guess- Well- Maybe- Hmm…” His thoughts were a vortex, which came as a surprise to his quick-articulating nature, and he felt she couldn’t wait on him to come up with an answer. “I do love you, but I feel like I need to know more about- No, we do need to know more about each other. I would choose you if we did, but all we've covered for weeks is the mommy and baby part of the relationship. Yeah… Yeah, I'd definitely choose you if we made that effort." The stallion then sat himself proper to hide his unfounded confidence in his answer.

"But what if mommy and baby was all we ever did? Would you still want to stick around?"

"I- Uhm… Yes. Yes, I'd stay with you.”

Mantra's ear flicked as she tilted her stimied head. "You made it seem like you wanted a conventional relationship and then chickened out of that answer." Her irises then changed to scarlet once more. "You're not lying, are you?"

"No! No!" Mind said with his face full of panic, then fully regretted his reaction in fear of any further answers he’d give her to be perceived as complete fallacy. He never really put it together until now that her eye color changes were governed by her emotions; even if she was calm, her scarleting eyes always put Mind on edge, but him physically feeling her emotions sent his heart into two-legged gallops, and he was hoping he wasn’t giving away his seemingly-psychic connection with other ponies’ feelings either. "I'm still thinking about this as I go." Mantra's eyes went back to her usual marigold without change in her body language. "Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to return to the world. Not after what I did. Whatever I did."

"So…" Mantra said as her eyes faded to a turquoise. "So I'm just an alternative to being ostracized."

Mind’s heart fluttered even more and he struggled in vain to think of how to word his way around it. He didn’t feel like she could sob at any second, but the drastic changes attempted to send the room into a spin around him. He snapped out of his funk within a few seconds and took a few more in silence to come up with a tactful answer, but she hit the nail on the head.

"Yes." He said. Mantra took a heavy sigh and rested her head into her hoof.

"'Yes' he says. Not even an 'it's not like that' or a 'but I still love you'.” She took a pause in anticipation of her charge saying something, only for her to break the silence once more. “But, it's perfectly fine. I've fulfilled one of my greatest fantasies, and I'm glad you were a part of it. Maybe you're right, and maybe we should start building an actual relationship. That is, if you still want to."

"I'd like that, Mantra.”

"Hey," she said, her tone growing lighter, a smile breaking out again, and her eyes changing back to their default color, "it's still 'Mommy' to you, or else I'll have to start paddling your butt again." They both shared a chuckle.

“Now wait, that isn’t normal.”

"I said ‘actual’, you silly foal. Now listen up and let me tell you my story.

"My real name is Polyamory, and I have a thing for acting like a little filly and using foalish things for their true purposes, and this includes wearing diapers. Which means that I am what you know as an AFDL: Adult Foal, Diaper Lover. My childhood was interesting, to say the least. I was an only child and grew up without a father, but my mom and I were pretty rich, due to my family’s long history with the Royal Pony Sisters, so my mom and I managed well. I got whatever I wanted as long as I was a 'well-behaved young mare'.

"I think I was around four years old when my aunt visited us, and that was when I decided to steal one of my foal cousin's diapers. I snuck into the bathroom and put it on, and damn, was it so comfy~ The soft padding rubbing against my pussy and the way it fit so snuggly around my butt. I came out of the bathroom all bubbly and giggly, and my mom caught me. My mom never hit, but she did scold, and my aunt was so disgusted with me that I haven’t seen her since that day.

"I was four, so I didn't understand then what I did wrong. Like a lot of other AFDL’s, I’ve had many years worth of attempts at acquiring diapers and getting caught with them… Many many times. Every time, I was scolded. And every time, I felt more ashamed of myself. Like I said, I could've gotten anything I wanted if I behaved, so I tried getting rid of my diaper desires, but they wouldn't go away. And honestly, to me nothing feels as great as a fluffy diaper taped around my flanks. As I got older, I tried out bottles and pacifiers too, finding them quite nice as well. And while my best friend, Peppi, was a good friend to confide it into, she didn't share these desires; so I couldn't expect her to fully understand.” Mantra then stood out of her chair and magically lifted her dress to remind the colt across from him of the mark borne on her flanks. “I got my cutie mark when I was babying my plushies.

“I wasn’t exactly the kind of filly that would play house with dolls, but I wasn’t exactly a tomcolt either. I used to have plushies that would go on epic magical adventures to save Equestria from evil. But sometimes, I’d make up little misadventures for them whenever Equestria didn’t hang in the balance; most of them involved them accidentally turning themselves into babies with a spell, or ‘accidentally’ turning themselves. And then my mark appeared. My mom said it meant that I was destined to be a wonderful mother and motherly kind to others, but at the time I was thoroughly convinced it just meant I was destined to be a foal.

"One day, when I was fourteen, my mom caught me in my room watching baby shows and sucking on a pacifier… And my diaper was heavily soiled. It wasn't a pretty picture, needless to say. After I cleaned up and showered, she said to me 'Poly, for ten years we've been doing this same old song and dance. What is it going to take for you to get out of this diaper phase?' And I tried explaining to her that it wasn't a phase. 'How do you think this all makes me look? Do you know how awkward the servants feel being around you? You constantly asking for privacy and telling them to not tell me about your little trips for foal supplies? I just don't want other ponies to think you're crazy.' I couldn’t stop crying. All the disappointment coming from her. All the shame I felt. I felt like I was so out of place, like such a freak. Back then, I would’ve given anything to get rid of this side of me. But I knew these desires were never going to go away and thought that I would grow up only to become a blight on society; the only mare in the world who loved to wear diapers.

"That same night, my mom caught me trying to take my own life. I never saw my mom cry so much before. But after that, things changed; she stopped scolding me about the diapers and would sometimes even joke about them. I found that kind of amusing, actually. One time, she barged into my room and started putting my laundry away saying that she didn't want someone else to interrupt what I was doing… And I was masturbating in a diaper, and she treated it like she saw nothing. She wasn't trying to discourage me anymore, but she wasn't trying to understand it either.

"Four years after my suicide attempt, my mom was diagnosed with NUT Midline Carcinoma, a very rare untreatable form of cancer, and she survived for eight months. Today is actually the sixth year anniversary of it. With her last breath, she told me she loved me and was proud of me. In the moment, I was crying and begging her to stay with me. But after all that, I couldn't wrap my head around what she said; I don't want to say she lied, but how could she say something like that when she couldn't even accept the part of me that made me me? Or did she? Maybe she did finally come around and never told me until then?

"So, the manor is my inheritance, and the servants and guards no longer work here. I really wanted to be alone, so I fired them all. Although, some of them were already putting in their resignations to my mother, knowing I would inherit the mansion after her passing. I spent the following weeks converting rooms to allow me to live the ultimate AFDL life. I wore diapers for weeks straight, sometimes I’d be in the same diaper for a day and a half at a time, all to keep the pain away, but of course the pain never really went away.

“I changed my name to 'Mantra' because I felt like such a disappointment to my mother that I felt like I didn't even deserve my name anymore. Since then, I've become a different pony; much happier and more accepting of my fetishes, but of course I also wanted a lover who's an adult foal as well."

A pause prompted Mind to take another drink from his bottle before speaking again.

"I'm very sorry."

"Well, it's all in the past. Sure, it’s a jagged past, but I’m completely alright with that. Sometimes our pasts help make us who we are for the better. They help us learn to have empathy; to desire not to make our problems anypony else’s, especially if they have problems of their own.”

“I glad I couldn’t agree more. Usually ponies with pasts like that only use them to seek out attention and pity.”

“Are you sure you have amnesia?” Mantra replied with a chuckle.

“I guess it doesn’t take amnesia to tell that you're a strong mare." Mind gave her a genuine smile. Mantra chuckled once again.

"Oh, that’s not true at all."

"Whatever you say." The two shared a laugh then Mind drank from his bottle once more, watching a wine bottle levitate and pour into her glass. "So, why did you pick me?"

"Because you're adorable, of course." Mantra said with a smile and a quick sip. Mind retorted with a skeptical raise of his eyebrow and crossing of his front hooves. "So… that story about the sorcerer?"

"Oh?"

"You might not like what you're about to hear, but before you fell into my care, you were using magic to abuse others. I didn't want you to remember it, so I gave you a magic amnesia drink."

"Well, I figured that much out when my best friend couldn’t even bare to look at me. Perhaps I'm better off not remembering. And you babying me is the punishment for it?"

"Do you think it's a punishment?"

"It's- It felt like it was supposed to be, but I grew to like it."

"See, the amnesia elixir has a side-effect. It… It reduces your libido, and with that, your fetishes. And since you’ve lost your memory, well… Yeah."

"So I’m an adult foal too." Mind said putting his hoof to his chin again.

"And a DL. The libido reduction works out too; if I were to play mommy to you without the elixir, it wouldn't have been a learning experience. I wanted you to learn to love me like a baby would actually learn to love his mommy. On the other hoof, some things are just hardwired, which would explain why you were much more open to my care than most others would be."

"I just thought it’d be best to play along; I wasn’t exactly in a situation where I could fight my way out, but your theory makes more sense; the elixir should’ve wiped all my memories, but I was still able to remember some things; the songs from the record player, Dragon Paws, Snowy. And I did feel invited during a good part of this whole thing.”

“Honestly, there’s a lot I don’t know about the elixir. Actually, you might know more about it and will be able to explain it after I give you the antidote tonight.”

"Tonight? You’re certain?”

"Yes. I wasn’t so sure before going into this dinner, but now I think we should take our love to the next level with no regrets. You'd be getting back your memories of your magic and all, but you'd also be getting back your love of diapers and your love of being babied. And with your old loves rediscovered, I hope your love for me grows stronger."

"Mommy knows best, afterall.” Mantra magically raised her wine glass.

“To new beginnings?”

“To new beginnings.” He had plenty of time to prepare his bottle to tap against the wine glass as it gently floated over to him.

The tuxedo top and the sparkling blue dress lay scattered on the tan carpet floor, their former wearers coddling each other in Mantra’s king sized bed, draped in a white comforter. The room was illuminated only by the glow of her magic and the moonlight piercing the second story window.

A bottle carrying a turquoise liquid was held up to Mind’s mouth, shortly balanced in Mantra’s hoof after gently floating toward them. The two nodded at each other and Mind opened up his mouth. She gently put the bottle into place, and he suckled away, downing the surprisingly sweet elixir. Each swallow, Mind felt his heart beat harder and faster, nervous about the incoming effects. He felt Mantra's heart beat beside him as she stared into his eyes with a smile, its genuine confidence seeping into the stallion’s thoughts.

After rewarding her gentle pats on his back with a large belch, she held him close and stroked his head. A light whimper from the stallion forced Mantra's eyes to turn turquoise again. Mind grit his teeth as he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. The pain soon spread quickly around his whole head and panic took hold of him. Mantra shushed him as he whimpered, and she put his blue pacifier in his mouth. He bit down on it to help suppress the pain, but it soon became too much for him. Whimpers then turned into loud cries. In Mantra’s periphery, the pacifier fell to the bed. The mare made a grasp for it with her magic on instinct, but the aura around it quickly disappeared. Mantra tried her hardest to calm her charge. Streams stained her cheeks and her bedspread.

The room was now alight by the white lamp, the night sky even darker than earlier. Tears fell from Mind’s eyes relentlessly. Mantra's warm embrace struggled to force comfort onto him. The pain of the elixir had already subsided, replaced by all the cold memories flooding back. The two hadn’t even tried to say a word to each other. With a few sniffles and his voice breaking, the stallion finally worked up the courage to force a mutter.

"I'm a fucking monster."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not."

"I hurt so many-" He was interrupted by the pacifier entering his mouth again, gagging him as the guard was pressed into his lips with her magic.

"No, Mind! Listen to me!" Mantra turned him to gaze into her now scarlet eyes. His heart actually didn’t pound against his chest; his fear of her dominance wavering in the presence of all the dark light the elixir shone upon him. Her threats were nothing compared to the penance he felt he owed. "You're not a monster. Now, you're going to stop feeling guilty over nothing, and you're not going to argue about it."

And he took her command of silence as his way to repent, and continued to nurse on it to help feel in place as a foal like she wanted him to be, and like how he wanted to be now. She held him close to her, burying his head into her breast as she stroked his mane.

"Just sleep off the pain, my little foal. I promise tomorrow things will be all better." She gazed down, seeing him still staring blankly into the sheets. "As you count sheep, remember that you are only a helpless little foal."

He shortly found himself giving into her words, and soon able to close his eyes and subside his rampaging thoughts. Mantra's horn glowed, raising the blanket over the both of them, and a drop made a patter against her pillow. She closed her turquoise eyes.

Author's Note

Sometimes, revelations can be hard for us to take in, even if they're what we really need to hear, and what we need to live with. Those who can't live with all of who they are in the light are doomed to stumble in darkness trying to hide it.