THE BEST FANFICTION EVER
Please imagine the following as narrated by Morgan Freeman.
Once upon the most dangerous time that there ever was in a world of pastel coloured ponies, Twilight Sparkle was doing unspeakable things with Rainbow Dash. So we will skip ahead by about an hour and I’m sure you can fill in the rest of the gaps yourself, you dirty pervert.
“Hey Rainbow Dash.” Spike greeted Rainbow Dash as she was just leaving the library. “How come you’re here?”
“Oh, hey Spike, me and Twi were just…uhh…” Rainbow Dash grabbed at thin air for the next sentence. “…Uhh…oh, I remember, we were just… Hey Spike, is that Princess Celestia behind you.”
It just so happened that Princess Celestia was standing behind Spike. Spike wheeled round to greet the Princess. Her mane had an ethereal glow to it as it wisped ethereally in some ethereal wind.
At that moment it turned out Celestia was possessed by the same spirit that NightMare Moon had been possessed by. This was not Princess Celestia, this was RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun.
“Rawr,” RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun said as she devoured Spike whole.
Then turning to Rainbow Dash she killed her really violently…now let me so. Ooh, okay I’ve got it. She like telekinetically lifted Rainbow Dash up and then snapped her legs up so that they were facing directly up rather than down. This made horrible cracking sounds and Rainbow Dash screamed a fair bit. Then…umm… RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun slammed the body of Rainbow Dash into the ground crushing her ribcage and destroying her vital organs and her spine as her ribs pierced through her back. Rainbow Dash screamed a fair bit more but I’m sure she was just being overly dramatic as the adrenaline of death probably would have dulled her senses anyway. I’m sure RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun wasn’t a complete monster either and probably put Rainbow Dash out of her misery fairly quickly as well. To be fair I think that is worthy of being in a Mortal Kombat game.
“Oh no,” exclaimed Twilight, “now the Elements of Harmony won’t work. Gasp.” As she said this she watched on as Rainbow was killed outside her window. The window was quickly covered to such an extent in blood and guts that Twilight could not see.
“Oh no, I cannot see.” Twilight continued speaking to the air as if there were someone to whom she must explain the consequences of what was happening. “I hope Rainbow Dash is okay, I fear for her safety.”
At that very moment the Cutie Mark Crusaders materialized in the library.
“Lulwut,” Twilight said.
“Well done for learning magic Scootaloo. I never knew you were an Alicorn before,” Sweetie Bell sang because that’s what she does.
“Neither did I Sweetie Bell, neither did I. Now let’s save the day with our robotic pony,” said Scootaloo in the most awesome way possible.
At that moment Pinkie Pie appeared, but now Twilight realized the truth. PINKIE PIE WAS AN ANDROID!!!!!!
“Well that explains her Quantum Teleportation, but still not her premonitions,” stated Twilight.
“Ahh, Rainbow Dash is dead.” Scootaloo let out a howl with all her might as she thrust her soul into the attack on RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun. Scootaloo burst through the door at RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun and used her horn to pry the foul demon’s eye out. RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun let out a sharp yelp as Scootaloo delivered a buck to her face which twisted her neck so hard it broke it and made it twist round 360 degrees. It was sickening yet the new look suited Princess Celestia. Oh yeah, that buck also turned RatherUnpleasantDayDream Sun back into Princess Celestia, just in case you didn’t follow.
“One minute, Rainbow’s dead?” Twilight looked confused.
“Appears so sugarcube,” AppleJack drawled in her thick southern accent as she finished off the last of the evil power rangers.
“Thankyou Twilight for saving me from that demon and giving me this fashionable twisted neck.” Celestia’s voice was full gratefulness.
“I didn’t do that, Princess.” Twilight was bewildered.
“You’re too modest Twilight. Also, there is currently very little blood circulating to my head.” Celestia was all wacky eyed.
“I can fix that Princess,” Twilight said proudly.
Twilight quickly got a jug filled it with Rainbow’s blood and then drilled a hole in the Princess’s skull and poured the blood in. She then put a plaster over the hole she had drilled and kissed the wound better. Celestia died of an infection and new Alicorn, Scootaloo, took the throne.
THE END!!!
