It was perfectly normal day in the town of Ponyville. The sky was a rich blue, the grass a vibrant green, and even the dirt seemed to be a particularly...dirty today. Or at least it seemed that way to Twilight Sparkle, who was taking the opportunity to soak in the familiar sights and sounds. After spending almost a week in Canterlot visiting her parents, Twilight was so eager to return home that she almost flew directly there rather than wait for her train.
Of course, there was nothing wrong with Canterlot. She had fond memories of living in the city, when she had lifted her head out of her books long enough to take notice of it. And she had many friends there these days, not to mention her family and the Princesses. But looking at it now, it just seemed...dull. She’d taken for granted how the sound of ponies walking, talking, and going about their lives, became a flat, unintelligible buzzing in the capitol. How the self-important citizens always replied with the same dreary talking points about local gossip every time she tried to strike up a conversation.
And perhaps worst of all, the same white and gold color scheme for every building. Oh sure, some of the higher-class establishments opted for marble instead of stucco siding, and the more daring establishments would feature a slightly-more-colorful entrance. But compared to the warm, earthy colors of Ponyville, it might as well have been black and white.
She did feel a bit guilty about leaving Spike behind, but she had been dreading the arrival day for CanterCon ever since she promised him he could go. When her parents had offered to chaperone in her place, allowing her to come back to Ponyville three days early, though, she’d jumped at the chance. She consoled herself with the thought that he was probably having the time of his life.
“Twilight! Hey, Twilight!”
Twilight grinned as the familiar voice called out to her, and she trotted through the market to Applejack’s stall, where her friend was waving her over. This, she thought, is the thing I missed most while I was in Canterlot.
“Good morning, Applejack,” she said cheerfully as she caught the orange farmer (that is a farmer who is orange, not a farmer that farmed oranges) in a quick hug. “How have you been while I’ve been gone?”
“Me?” Applejack chuckled and leaned over her stall. “Why, ah can’t complain, ‘cept that maybe things have been a mite quiet while ya been gone.”
“Quiet? Ponyville? Perish the thought!” The two shared a laugh, and Twilight gave Applejack a mock-serious look. “And what, you expect things to explode now that I’m back or something?”
Applejack leaned her head around Twilight to look behind her with a grin. “Somethin’ like that.”
Twilight frowned, and started to turn. “What are you-”
“EEEEEEE!”
Twilight bit back a shout as Rarity squealed directly into her ear, and she whirled around to see the dressmaker trotting excitedly from hoof to hoof.
“Twilight, you’re back! And so early! From Canterlot!” At that, Rarity cast her gaze to the golden city and threw a hoof across her brow. “Oh, how I wish I were with you at that wonderful center of culture! Tell me, tell me, how was it?!”
“Rarity,” Twilight replied flatly, “You have a store in Canterlot. You were there three days ago. We had lunch.”
“Oh, but so much can happen in three days, and I want to hear all about it! In fact, why don’t you come with me, and I can put together an ensemble to commemorate your return?”
“Another dress?” Twilight asked incredulously as Rarity began herding her towards her home, though she couldn’t bring herself to say no.
“Well, you are a princess, darling,” Rarity replied, resolutely cutting off her means of escape. “You simply must have a royal wardrobe.”
Applejack chuckled as Twilight stared back at her helplessly. “Don’t fight it, Twilight. Just let her gussie ya up, and afterward you’ll be back to your ol’ purple self.”
“Lavender, darling.”
Applejack blinked. “Uh, no thanks, ah already ate.”
“No, no,” Rarity said, stopping her coraling of Twilight and turning to face Applejack, “the color lavender. That would be the color of lavenders, and of our dear Twilight here.”
Applejack shrugged. “Ain’t lavenders purple?”
“Well...yes, but they’re a particular shade of purple, and that’s what color Twilight is. It’s called lavender.”
“So she’s still purple, yer just giving it a fancy name.”
“Lavender is hardly an obscure nomenclature. And while purple isn’t...technically incorrect, lavender is simply more correct.
“Lilac.”
The lavender alicorn started trying to catch her friends’ eyes. “Err, girls,” she said nervously, “we’re getting a little off topic aren’t we?”
Unfortunately, neither one was paying any attention, having begun to stalk towards each other as the volume of their discussion grew.
“Sounds like a bunch of frou-frou nonsense if ya ask me. Yer just being...err, what’s that word...pedromantic!”
Rarity brought a hoof to her forehead. “That’s pedantic, Applejack, and no I’m not! It’s important to call things by their proper name, afterall, and she’s clearly lavender.”
“Lilac.”
By now, the two were about an inch from literally butting heads, their gazes locked.
“I recognize,” Rarity said with a “smile” that showed off far too many teeth, “that an occupation such as yours doesn’t lend itself to the study of color differentiation, but I can assure you that, in my professional opinion, Twilight Sparkle is lavender.”
“Oh, really?” Applejack shot back, with a scowl. “I’ll have you know that I’ve got a pretty good pair of eyes in mah head. Ya know how many colors of apples there are? Ah say she’s purple, and that’s all there is to it!”
“Lilac.”
Both mares turned to face Fluttershy, whose voice had finally risen to the level of easily audible and who was now cringing back from their combative glances. “Oh, sorry, just forget I said anything you two look like you’re very busy and ohmylookatthetime-”
“Nope,” Applejack said, throwing a foreleg around Fluttershy’s withers and pinning the pegasus in place.”Ya sound like ya got something to say. Spit it out, Sugarcube.”
Fluttershy pawed timidly at the dirt, then took a deep breath. “Well, you see, I always thought...that is, it always seemed to me, that Twilight might be kind of, sorta, a teensie-weensie bit...lilac-colored.”
Rarity frowned. “Lilac...well, that’s certainly a more appropriate description than ‘purple,’” she said, ignoring Applejack’s renewed glare. “But you really should call her lavender, as that’s by far the most accurate.That cannot be argued.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, were we arguing?” Fluttershy shrank back from Applejack’s embrace and tried to slip away. “You win, I’ll just-”
“Now hold on there, partner!” Applejack barked, tightening her grip and pulling the subaudibly protesting Fluttershy back to her side. “There ain’t no need to be pushy, Rarity. Fluttershy here was just sayin’ her piece, same as you. Nothin’ says she has to be kowtowing to your opinion, is there?”
Twilight let out a sigh of relief as an opportunity to defuse the situation presented itself. “That’s right. Everyone has-”
“Au contraire,” Rarity broke in, her eyes gleaming as they locked onto Applejack. “Our dear Twilight is a Princess, and we are all of us quite influential in our own right, so it’s important that we not allow incorrect information to spread. I was merely trying to remedy your transgression before it got out of hand.”
“Transgre--All I did was say that she’s p-”
“Pink!”
“Gah!” “Wah!” “Ohmygoodness!”
Twilight reared up with a choked-off screech as Pinkie Pie popped out from underneath her. Her mind quickly passed over the disturbing questions of when, why, and how she got under there, instead latching onto Pinkie’s sudden declaration. “Pink?” she repeated as she returned to all fours.
“Pink.”
“...pink?”
“Pink.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Rarity scoffed. “Pinkie Pie, how on earth did you arrive at such a bizarre conclusion?”
Pinkie giggled. “Well, you see, I was walking down the street and I heard you say ‘lavender,’ and then Applejack said ‘uh, no thanks, ah already ate,” and then you said-”
“You can skip past that part, Pinkie.” Twilight said drily.
“Okie-dokie!” Pinkie chirped. “And then Rainbow said, ‘Can’t you see that she’s ivory?’, and then Twilight is like...Oops, sorry, I skipped too far ahead! Umm...well, you girls looked like you were having fun, so I thought I should try, and the first thing I thought of was pink!”
Applejack scratched her head, turning to look first at Twilight, then Pinkie, then Twilight, then Pinkie. Then she looked at Twilight one more time before shaking her head. “Ah hate to say it, Pinkie, but ah don’t think Twilight is pink. Ah mean, just look at ‘er!”
Pinkie squinted her eyes and leaned in for a better look, while Twilight did her best to lean away from the uncomfortable scrutiny. “Hmm...maybe a dark pink?
Applejack shook her head with a sigh. “Naw, I think you’re barkin’ up the wrong tree there, Pinkie.”
“Now now, Applejack” Rarity said mockingly. “There’s no need to be pushy.”
“Dagnabbit Rarity, it ain’t the same and ya know it! Ya might be picky about what to call it, but everypony here can see that she’s purple!”
“Violet.”
Five pairs of eyes looked up, to see a low-hanging cloud with a rainbow-colored tail hanging over the edge. “Say something Rainbow?” Applejack called up at it.
Rainbow Dash leaned out overhead and glared down at the group. “Yeah, see I was just chilling up here, trying to catch some Z’s, but I’m being kept awake by the sound of how wrong you all are.”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Come again?”
Rainbow rolled her eyes and flew down from the cloud until she hovered inches above the ground. “It just so happens that I know a thing or two about colors,” she said, giving her rainbow mane a tussle, “and what you apparently don’t know is that purple is a made-up color. The word you’re all looking for is violet.”
“The heck ya talking about, Rainbow?” Applejack said, “Ain’t violet just another word for purple?”
“Nope!” Rainbow answered smugly. “Purple is a mix of red and blue that kinda looks like violet, but it’s not the real thing. Violet is the real deal; you don’t gotta mix anything, it’s just there. So unless Twilight’s coat is actually two colors mixed together, then she isn’t purple.”
“But...isn’t green a mix of blue and yellow?” Fluttershy asked innocently. “Does that mean green is a made-up color?”
“That’s...uh...that’s different...”
“Oh really?” Applejack pressed. “How so?”
“It’s...like, complicated? Yeah, really, really complicated! And technical! So, like, you wouldn’t understand it unless you read a book about it. Which I totally have!”
“Right,” Rarity said dubiously. “Well, as fascinating as all this is, it doesn’t really matter. Violet or purple, she’s still lavender.”
“It does too matter!” Rainbow objected. “It means that you’re wrong and I’m right!”
“Who cares?” Applejack scoffed.
“I do!”
“Umm, girls,” Twilight said, trying once more to scuttle the ongoing debate, “maybe we should all take a deep breath, and-”
“Purple!”
“Violet!”
“Lavender!”
“Oh dear…”
“Hehehe, this is so much fun!”
Helpless, Twilight could only watch as the situation devolved into bedlam.
“Umm, excuse me,” Fluttershy said, with just enough volume to almost get everyone’s attention as the argument continued. “I thought I’d let you know that I asked some of my bee friends to find some lilacs and bring them here to compare. Hopefully, when they get here, we can put this all to-”
“F-f-f-fluttershy!” Fluttershy turned around and gasped at the sight of a pale-purple earth pony covered head-to-hoof with bees.
“Oh my goodness! They must have… umm, nevermind. Everyone, can you let go of Lilac Links please?” The sound of a thousand bees buzzing in unison rent the air before the lifted like a cloud from the trembling pony. “Are you okay? I’m so, so, so very sorry!”
“T-t-that’s alright-t-t. Can I g-g-go now?”
“Oh, of course. I was hoping they could bring me some lilacs I could take some samples from, but I guess they got confused. Though...you’re kind of lilac-colored, aren’t you? Would you mind if I...oh, wow, she must have someplace to be, she’s running so fast. Umm, bye?”
“...commentary on the fragile nature of pony existence,” Pinkie concluded. “So when you think about it, isn’t everything a shade of pink?”
Silence greeted her after nearly twenty minutes of nonstop talking. Twilight worked her mouth without saying anything for a good ten seconds before shaking herself. “Wait, hold on. What was it you said about the Neighmann Hypothesis? Ponies have been trying to solve that problem for decades!”
Pinkie sighed. “Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, weren’t you listening? Well, nothing for it, I’ll have to start all over again.”
“Nooooooo!” Rainbow cried as she took a flying leap towards Pinkie, only to plow muzzle-first into the turf as Pinkie smoothly stepped out of the way.
“A long time ago, in a village not too far away, my sisters and I were raised on a rock farm…”
“Girls, if I could have your attention, please?
Twilight glared at Rarity, who was currently holding a pair of color swatches against her coat.
“Thissample is lavender, and this is one is lilac. As you can clearly see, the lavender matches the coat perfectly! There is no greater proof than your own...wait, hold on.” Rarity pulled the swatches away, held them up to the light for a moment with squinted eyes, then sheepishly switched them.
“Ahem. This one is lavender, and this one is lilac…”
“Okay, look,” Rainbow growled as she dragged an easel ~~stolen~~ borrowed from the schoolhouse over to the group. “I’ve laid it out nice and simple in this stupid chart. See this rainbow here? This is the color spectrum, and this color here at the bottom is violet. And this? This is a color wheel, and this color here at the bottom is purple. The color spectrum is used by, like, super-smart scientists; the color wheel is used by foals in art class. There, you get it now?”
Applejack didn’t get it. “Firstly, Rainbow, and speakin’ of foals, ya drew that chart with crayons.”
Rainbow huffed. “Well excuse me. Do you know how long it took me to draw this? Like, two whole minutes. Two minutes I could have spent taking a nap if you girls weren’t being so loud!”
“Yeah, whatever. Secondly,” at this, Applejack leaned in, squinting at the two drawings. “I can’t tell the difference. They look exactly the same.”
Rainbow threw her hooves up. “Okay, so I couldn’t find an actual ‘violet’ crayon to use, so I used purple for both. Is that such a big deal?”
“It is when ah can’t tell the darn difference on account a’ you using the same darn color!”
“Fine,” Rainbow growled, kicking the easel over. “Forget the chart. Lemme just...ah, here we go!” After dropping down on her flank, Rainbow scooped up her tail and held it in her hooves. “See this streak of violet here in my hair? That’s violet!”
Applejack looked at the rainbow-colored locks skeptically for a moment, then shrugged. “Looks purple to me.”
Suddenly, Rainbow was in the air, wings snapping dangerously as she hovered inches from Applejack’s face. “Say that again,” she snarled.
Applejack smirked. “Yer. Hair. Is. Purp-!”
The debate lasted for hours. Battle lines were drawn, and alliances were forged and broken. Friendships were strained to the limits as words, and the occasional kick, were exchanged.
Until, finally…
“Alright, y’all agreed?” Applejack said, wiping the sweat from her brow, wincing as she rubbed her fresh black eye. A chorus of yeses and a single, defiant no replied, and she stomped her hoof. “That settles it then.”
“She ain’t pink.”
Pinkie crossed her hooves and pouted.
“Well, now that that’s out of the way, we can...wait, where’s Twilight?
Twilight slammed the door to the castle shut and pressed her back against it. Her horn lit up, and the next instant the door was festooned with chains as thick as her barrel. Finally, she let out a breath of relief.
“Umm-”
“Bwah!”
Twilight tumbled over onto her back and stared wide-eyed at Starlight Glimmer, who gave her a concerned look. “Are you okay?” Starlight asked.
With a sigh of relief, Twilight got to her hooves and brushed herself off. “I’m fine, I’m fine. You just...surprised me, that’s all.”
“Uh-huh.” Starlight raised an eyebrow skeptically. “And the reason you’ve barricaded the entrance to the Castle of Friendship and look like you’re ready to curl up under your bed?”
Twilight scoffed. “What do I look like, a filly? I’m not going to hide under my bed! I’m going to hide under my blankets like an adul-” Twilight slapped a hoof across her muzzle, but it was too late.
“Ah-ha!” Starlight pointed a hoof accusingly. “There is something going on! Tell me!”
Twilight stared helplessly at her student for a moment before letting out a sigh. Maybe...maybe Starlight could figure this out?
By the time she finished explaining everything, Starlight was shaking her head. “I can hardly believe the girls would be so silly about this. They really should know better!”
Twilight finally relaxed. At last someone who understood! She really couldn’t have picked a better student.
“I mean, look at you. You’re clearly mauve!”
...or not.
“Silly Starlight, Maud isn’t a color. She’s my sister!”
Twilight’s eyes widened, and she whipped around to see the rest of her friends walking through the open doorway, ducking under the chains that still spanned the gap. “What?! How did you girls get in? The chains-”
Applejack coughed. “Uh, sugarcube, ya realize these doors open out, right?”
Twilight stared at the doors for a long moment, then clapped a hoof to her forehead.
“No, Pinkie, mauve!” Starlight corrected, ignoring the prior exchange. “It’s a color, kind of a pale purple, and it’s the same color as Twilight.”
“Errr, wrong!” Rainbow objected. “Purple still isn’t a color, so you all are still wrong!”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “Fine, it’s a pale violet. Happy?”
“No, they’re not interchangeable! You can’t just-”
“Darnit Rainbow, not this again!”
“Starlight darling, come away from those two. You can join Fluttershy and I in discussing things like proper adults.”
“But you were shouting too Rarity…”
“Hmm, did you say something Fluttershy?”
“N-no…”
Pinkie giggled. “Wow, now that I don’t have a pony in this race it all seems kind of silly. What do you think Twilight? Oh, wow, you look like you’re on fire again! You haven’t done that since Season On-”
“And what did we learn?”
“Just ‘cause something is obvious to ya doesn’t mean it’s always true,” Applejack replied as she pawed at the soot-stained floor.
“Even if you know more about something than someone else, that doesn’t mean you’re always right,” Rainbow droned. “...even when you’re right.”
“Don’t make a messy situation messier just because it look like fun,” Pinkie said with a sheepish smile.
“We’re sorry, Twilight,” Fluttershy said. “Whatever you call it, though, your coat is a really pretty color.”
“It’s true, Twilight,” Rarity agreed. “You have a most royal coloration, such that I’m almost jealous…”
“Aww, don’t be like that, Rarity! Ya got yerself a very pretty white thing goin’ on.”
“Why thank you, Darling! Really, I only wish it wasn’t so difficult to keep clean.”
Twilight finally allowed herself a genuine smile. It seems her friends weren’t the only ones acting silly. Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow...they might be as crazy as the rest of Ponyville sometimes, but they really were the best friends she could ask for.
“Umm...I always thought Rarity was more pearl-colored,” Fluttershy half-whispered.
“What?” Pinkie yelped, turning to face the now-cringing Fluttershy as if she were crazy. “She’s obviously alabaster!”
“Ugh, you’re both wrong,” Rainbow groaned out. “Can’t you see that she’s ivory?”
...the best…
Author's Note
My first story, inspired by myriad ways people describe the color of our favorite ponies.
