Screwy

by TRIBOT 4000

Rating: everyone
Tags: Changelings, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 1144

What happens when the Captain of the Royal Guard is held hostage by a Changeling? Nothing really...

What happens when the Captain of the Royal Guard is held hostage by a Changeling? Nothing really...

Join Captain Shining Armor as he works his way out of a changeling interrogation room.

Published 2018-08-30 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-30 20:50:01 UTC

For Real?

Shining awoke in darkness, pure darkness. His eyes attempted to adjust but there simply wasn't a drop of light to be found. A slight tug indicated that he tied to a chair. He looked around for a few seconds until a blinding light shone down on his face, the light illuminated the entire room. When it did so it showed a changeling in the room holding a remote. The changeling noticed that Shining could see him and in a panic hit the remote causing the light to focus on Shining so the changeling was in darkness again.

Shining sighed and relaxed in his seat. Might as well he thought to himself. With that in mind he waited for the changeling to speak, which he did, after a few clattering sounds similar to dropping an electronic remote were heard.

"Greetings, Captain Shining Armor."

"Just Shining's fine."

"Oh, uh...Shining. Welcome to your immanent demise."

Shining groaned, "Usually in an interrogation, you start by putting my guard down."

Shining could hear whispering, "Is that true?"

"Shut up and keep going." there was apparently another being in the room. A female by the sound of it.

The male changeling spoke again, "You are to give us all the love we want and surrender the city over to Queen Chrysalis."

Shining raised an eyebrow, "Seriously? You're gonna just jump to that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"No professional just says what they want. You have to say it in a more...I don't know...mysterious way. Something like 'Surrender the city to the one very well known Queen or you shall find both you and your citizens in unnecessary peril.' That would've been way better."

"Oh, alright then. Surr--"

"No, you can't say that now. I'm just talking about next time."

"Hey, that's good advice. You mind if I write that down?"

"Knock yourself out."

A small pause and then...

CLUNK

The female spoke up again, "What the hell Lud!?"

"He said to knock myself out."

"You don't listen to him! We're the interrogators!"

Shining chuckled, "Could you yell any louder?"

"Shut up!"

"Calm down Vex. I'm sure he's just trying to help us. I bet he's been in this type of situation plenty of times--ow!"

"Go sit down. I'll handle this." Hoofsteps and muttering were heard as the female stepped into the light. Her scowl was almost disarming to Shining but she was too pretty to be angry at. What? Shining thought I can appreciate another females looks, it's not like I'm cheating.

"Nice to meet you Shining Armor. We've been after you for a long time." Luckily for Shining Armor, the female knew her stuff.

"Well, I certainly hope I wasn't too much trouble."

"Believe me, if you were too much trouble, you wouldn't be here." touche.

"Well, I already known what you want from your compatriate over there so you might as well skip to the part where I say no way Jose."

The male spoke up, "Who's Jose?" A quick hit on the head and he slunk back into his little space.

Vex then stepped forward allowing Shining to see something he was not expecting, "Excuse, but before you go any furthur, I'd like to ask...why are you so short!? HAHAHA!" Shining barreled over laughing, or at least attempted to. The ropes didn't give much room for adjustment. However, he was right in doing so. Vex was no bigger than three foot, her small size making her adorable.

The little changeling was not amused, "I...I'm not sh...short. I'm just...uh...aerodynamically built!"

Why does that sound familiar? Shining thought as the female continued to seethe, making her cuter than ever.

"Look sweetheart, I have to deal with four alicorn princesses. No, wait, make that five, if you count my daughter. So I'm going to take every bit of enjoyment I can from this. I haven't had a vacation in months."

Lud spoke up again, sympathecially, "Wow, that must be hard."

"It is."

"But you have a daughter. Isn't it great?"

"Oh, she is the magic of my life."

Vex was getting agitated, "What are you...?"

"What's it like to have a family?"

Shining thought for moment with a sigh, "I have to say, it's nothing like what I expected. I was anticipating being a hoofball coach and settling down in small cottage just outside Canterlot."

"That sounds like quite the dream."

The female was getting close to a mental breakdown, "Can you to just...just stop!?"

Lud sat down closer and looked into the distance, well, as much distance as there could be in such a small place, "I thought about settling down once. The girl was after..." he nodded to Vex, to her chagrin, "...but she obviously didn't want me."

"JUST STOP!!" Shining and Lud finally noticed the now furious Vex. Her eyes were dilating somewhat crazily. Lud was the first to speak.

"I did stop. You told me to stop trying to impress you, and I did."

"No, I don't mean that."

"I can keep trying to impress you?"

Vex banged her head on the ground with Shining thought sounded like a sob, "No! No! This is supposed to be an interrogation. We're supposed to make Shining turn over the city and the Queen will relinquish our banishment." To this Shining was surprised.

"Wait, you two were banished?"

Lud looked at Shining solemnly, "It was my fault, she just got in the tangled web. I never should have used frosting."

Deciding it might be best to ignor what that might have meant Shining smiled, "Well, then come live with us."

The two changelings looked at the Captain, glanced at each other, and then looked at Shining again before simultaneously asking, "What?"

Shining rolled his eyes, "As far as I know, you guys haven't committed any crimes. If this Queen banished you than I would suspect it was over something stupid. We'll make some fake identities for you and you can work and live in the Crystal Empire."

Lud's eyes sparkled, "You'd do that?"

Shining nodded before effortlessly using his magic (I never said his horn was being suppressed) to untie his bonds, "Of course. I've dealt with ridiculous banishments before, believe me."

And so, the three of them returned to the Crystal Empire. Lud became an accountant, after finding he had an uncanny good processing of numbers, Vex became a guard and eventually married Lud after his 385th proposal, and Shining went back to his life at the castle. And everypony lived happily, ever...

"Dad!"

"What!?"

"There's a giant three headed dog outside! Should I be alarmed?"

"No, honey, go back to sleep. I deal with it tomorrow."

...after?

Author's Note

This is my brain on drugs (not really).

Shining really is the best and underused stallion. He probably does more than anyone ever gives him credit for, just like Spike the Sla...I mean Dragon.