Children of the Bean

by Flash Notion

Rating: mature
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Random, Equestria Girls, Flash Sentry, Sunset Shimmer, My Little Pony: The Movie, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Tempest Shadow, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy
Length: 5105

Sunset needs to have a talk with Starlight- but Beanis Inc. is more dangerous than ever.

Sunset Shimmer is quite happy with her early retirement- she's set for life, and never even had to go to college. With her newfound peace, she never wants to go back to Beanis Incorporated.

Unfortunately, an issue has appeared that only Sunset's replacement, Starlight Glimmer, can help her with. That means Sunset will have to return to her former employment, and all its accompanying threats to her sanity- including something dangerous enough for Twilight Sparkle to call for help.

This is, needless to say, an entry in the Beanis Cinematic Universe.

Check out my previous Beany work here.

Many thanks to Majin Syeekoh, Shallow15, Fuzzyfurvert, R5h, and the rest of the Beanis writers for their help and patience. Those pones are awesome!

Published 2018-08-22 19:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-22 19:30:01 UTC

The Things We Do For Friends

Sunset turned the corner to her destination and slowed right down. Turn back, a small voice in her mind whispered. And while she would have gladly obeyed under normal circumstances, these were more the 'extenuating' type. She forged ahead into the fading evening light.

Her destination: the warehouse-turned-office building known as Beanis Inc. The problem: a parking lot full of squad cars, ambulances, and a couple S.W.A.T. vans, dozens of emergency personnel running between them. That was a little extreme, even for Beanis, especially this late in the day. Maybe she should have waited until morning and gone through the mirror instead.

Sunset sighed. She just needed to find Starlight Glimmer and leave. Simple as that. So long as she didn't get harassed by any police officers, everything would be fine. Things could go well for her for once, right?

Right?

Sunset clenched her fists, trying to ignore the rising well of frustration that came with just being in the vicinity of her former employment. Breathing exercises could only do so much. She scanned the mayhem, hoping to spot Starlight quickly.

“Oh thank Celestia,” she muttered, having done just that. Sunset zeroed in on a familiar figure sitting in the back of one of the ambulances. Her hair seemed messed up and she was wrapped in a strange cloak, but Sunset figured it was just a result of whatever catastrophe had occurred. She rushed across the parking lot. “Starlight, hey Star-”

The call cut off in her throat as the figure raised her head. Sunset halted and stared into fiery eyes that oozed hatred. “Beanos will destroy you,” Starlight whisper-hissed. “She will carve out your heart, boil the flesh from your bones, and devour your corpse!”

Sunset swallowed and began to back away. “What? Who- you're not Starlight,” she quickly realized. “At least- not the Equestrian Starlight.”

“Sunset Shimmer!”

A small breeze wafted past her face, and then someone latched onto her arm. Sunset turned even as her brain registered the voice and identified it. Sure enough, Rainbow Dash was now at her side. Sunset tensed up a little, but relaxed when she saw that Rainbow was actually wearing pants, which was never a guarantee at Beanis.

“Come on,” Rainbow said, pulling at her arm. “We're over here.”

Sunset allowed herself to be guided to the other side of the lot. Most of her friends were gathered around Flash Sentry's sports car, including Starlight, though they all looked a little worse for wear. Twilight's hair was unwashed and frizzy, her ponytail looking more like a top-knot. She was staring at the building and seemed to be running equations on an invisible chalkboard. Meanwhile, Tempest appeared to be having trouble standing straight, occasionally lapsing into awkward giggles and grabbing Flash's shoulder for support. Fluttershy and Pinkie didn't seem to be wearing anything under the blankets they were wrapped in, and smelled strongly of bean dip. Sunset took this in, and decided to stop about five feet away.

“Check it out!” Rainbow grinned. “Guess who decided to pay us a visit!”

Starlight smiled with real enthusiasm. “Hey, Sunset!”

The others more grimaced than anything. Twilight just kept muttering numbers, until Rainbow nudged her with her elbow.

“Eep! Rainbow-” Twilight turned, and the annoyed exclamation died. “Suh-Sunset Shimmer! What are- I mean, hey! How's it going? I ah, this is fine. We- I- have everything under control!”

“Is that why everything's on fire?” Sunset drawled.

“Only in the metaphorical sense,” Twilight said defensively. “We didn't have to call the fire department this time.”

“That doesn't make it better.”

“Hey, don't be too harsh on her,” Flash spoke up. “It's actually kinda my fault this happened.”

“It is?” Twilight asked, just a second before her employees shouted the same. And then everyone was talking at once...

Sunset rubbed her forehead, sensing the incoming migraine. “Girls!” she interrupted. “And guy. Can we just skip to the part where you explain what actually happened? I mean, I know I'm going to regret this, but it'll be easier for us all.”

Looks were exchanged and shrugs given among a low murmur of consent. “Sounds like fun,” Pinkie said. “I brought story-time snacks for everyone!” She pulled a cookie from her hair that seemed like it might've been there since their graduation.

“We'll pass,” Starlight waved her off. Then she took a deep breath. “Okay, first thing is, this simulation is flawed. This was in no way my fault, Princess Twilight really needs to do better maintenance of this place.”

“Mmm-kaaaaay.” Sunset felt her blood pulse a little harder with each word. “So what happened?”

“Well, it all started when I came into work late...”

I stretched out the last of the kinks that my simulated body seemed to have developed. The carriage-ride from the portal never had comfortable seats—another obvious flaw. It's on the list of bugs-to-be-fixed I'm planning on giving Princess Twilight.

But for the moment, I'd get to relax and unwind in this fake world. The students of the School of Friendship actually seem to be developing more interpersonal problems over time, and today I'd stayed an hour later because Gallus and Silver Stream's screeching contest had almost ended in a trip to Ponyville General. I'll admit, the days of re-shelving Psychology texts seem pretty appealing now.

I was thinking about asking fake-Rainbow to help me truly “relax”. That is one bug I will never put on the list. A mare with a dick? That's more an improvement than anything. And since this world is fake, it technically isn't cheating. Ooh, maybe next time I could bring Trixie with me, and we could both enjoy the wonders of Rainbow's—

Sunset held up a hand. “I don't need to know the details of the fantasies you have about you and your girlfriend.”

“I do!” Dash grinned. Sunset gave her a half-hearted glare, far too used to that kind of behavior to muster up anything more.

“Sorry,” Starlight said in a very unapologetic tone. “Where was I? Oh, right, arriving at work.”

I got to Beanis Incorporated and frowned at the building. I'd never seen it with all the windows dark. Was it another bug? Or something within the simulation-—perhaps I hadn't paid the electricity bill? There is a lot to remember in this place, I could’ve messed up.

I shrugged. I'd never figure it out on the sidewalk, and besides that, dark windows didn't even rate the top twenty strangest things I'd seen on this side of the mirror. So I went inside.

I stumbled blindly through the lobby, feeling past chairs and the rounded desk. The tiny lever on the wall that was supposed to control the lights didn't seem to be working. I shrugged it off. I'd made it that far. Surely I could make it to my office.

I took two steps down the hallway and it all went wrong.

My shoes crunched on plant matter, and suddenly vines wrapped around my legs, pulling me to the ground! I struggled, but it seemed useless; the stems were as thick as my fingers and seemed even stronger. Leaves mashed under my butt and bean pods scraped against my arms. More vines lashed out, pinning me, and a few started to explore the edges of my clothes-

Starlight paused and let out a deep breath. “Looking back,” she admitted, “ I probably should've been more scared than I was.”

“Probably.” Sunset agreed.

“Aw, what's so scary about getting captured by vines and molested like the star of your average hentai video?” Pinkie asked. She grinned extra wide and her eyes darted to each of them.

Fluttershy blushed. “I think it would be plenty scary. But enjoyable.”

“It's not so bad.” Everyone stared at Twilight, and she swallowed. “I mean- it seems like it should be pleasurable. From the accounts we've seen. I haven't- you know... I'd never-!”

“Of course you have, Twilight,” Sunset sighed. “I don't know why any of us would be surprised at this point.”

“It was for research!”

“Of course it was.”

Starlight cleared her throat. “Sooooo. I couldn't get free and was about to be tentacle raped by bean vines. Anyone still interested in that?”

“I am!”

“Calm your dick, Rainbow.” Sunset nodded to her fellow Equestrian. “Go on.”

“Gladly. Just when it all looked hopeless, I heard voices and started shouting for help. It only took a moment for them to get there- those three.” Starlight pointed, and Sunset followed her finger across the parking lot. A trio of individuals in the same cloak as the other Starlight were handcuffed and being interviewed by police. “The girl is Night Glider,” Starlight explained, “The stallion with the bloody nose is Double Diamond, and the other is Party Favor.”

“You know them?”

“Sort of. I knew their pony selves.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Sunset rubbed her eyes. “They got you free?”

“Mmm-hmm. And then they took me to see... the Oracle.” Starlight waved her hands through the air in an over-the-top manner. “Whoo-ooooh!”

The Beanis folk all cracked up, sharing a joke Sunset didn't understand. “The... Oracle?”

“Yep.”

Sunset waited a moment, and when no one spoke up, she asked, “Who's the Oracle?”

“That'd be me,” Tempest slurred, pointing a shaking finger at her face. She shook her head and stumbled, almost collapsing onto Flash. “Stupid cult,” she muttered.

“They drugged her,” Flash explained, slowly pushing Tempest back upright. “Sort of. They gave her, like, three bottles of cough syrup.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Cough syrup?”

“Yeah,” he agree. “I uh- we were both captured...”

It was nearing the end of my shift, but I wasn't entirely looking forward to the time when I'd have to arm the front door and go home. My ghostly girlfriend had promised something special for tonight. That could mean she'd possess our neighbor and bake a batch of cookies again... or it could mean something extra freaky in bed. Not that we used the bed much-

“Again, not details I need to hear!” Sunset grit her teeth. Flash recognized the glint in her eyes and wisely moved on.

Really the only thing keeping me here was Starlight. She was due to show up soon, and she always came through the front door, leaving through the locked-but-not-alarmed back entrance at ungodly hours in the morning. Until she showed up, it was my duty to stand there, beanis in hand, and fend off the crazed mob at the gates.

My job actually sounds pretty cool when you think about it in those terms.

Anyway, it was getting late when I noticed something weird: the mob seemed smaller. Like some of them were missing. By now I swear I could recognize any of the guys and gals out there. Last week, I crossed paths with one at the local gas station. The girl seemed to recognize me, too; she got really pale and ran off with her soda and chips.

So right then I was a bit on edge, because it seemed like a large number of familiar faces were missing. I squinted out the window, trying to see where they might be.

And that was when something heavy smacked me in the back of the head, and I was unconscious before I could hit the ground.

“When I woke up,” Flash continued, “I was in one of the unused offices, with Tempest. They'd left the medicine bottles in the corner and she was still unconscious, so it was pretty easy to figure out what happened.” He kicked the ground. “This whole thing was my fault. If I'd done my job right, those bastards would never have gotten in the building!” Flash turned to Twilight. “I'd like to hand in a formal resignation, if that's all right.”

“That won't be necessary, Brash,” Twilight said.

His shoulders slumped. “I understand. But it's uh- it's Flash.”

“Whatever.” Twilight put a hand on his arm, and he looked startled. “It won't be necessary because it wasn't your fault. They ambushed you! In fact, I think we owe you a bonus, since your were technically injured on the job.” She gave Starlight a questioning look.

Starlight shrugged. “That sounds reasonable.”

Both of Sunset's hands rapidly made their way to her face. “Starlight, there are rules for that sort of thing! And besides, can you even afford bonuses right now?”

“Actually, we can.” Twilight grinned. “I don't know if you've noticed, but we've put out a few new products. Including an E-Jaculate Refill capable of transferring 30 percent more data in the same amount of time.”

Of course they had. Sunset even recalled seeing the ads. Those horrible, mind-scarring ads, before she trained herself not to watch television after 10 p.m. She sighed. “Fine. And actually, I have a far more important question: when does she sleep?”

“Huh?”

Sunset pointed at Starlight. “You work at Twilight's school, and presumably hang out with your pony friends. Then you come here for eight hours? When do you sleep?”

“Oh, that's easy.” Starlight waved the question away. “After I get back to the castle, I just go back in time eight hours, sleep, then drink a double dose of Zecora's Breezie Dust Liquid Lightning! Good to go for another twenty-seven hours. Also, for the first hour, you can smell colors.”

“Really?” Twilight's eyes blazed with sudden energy. “Can I have a sample? I'm still working on the Coffeanis idea.”

“So we're just going to ignore the part about abusing the space-time continuum?”

They ignored it. And Sunset.

“I'll bring some over!” Starlight said. “But I think I'll start you with the Full Gallop brew instead. It's less likely to cause a heart attack.”

“Pfft. Ever hear of Moose Knuckles? It's an- admittedly unfortunately named- energy drink we have here. As much caffeine in one sip as three cups of coffee. I drink it whenever I'm working on something new.”

“I suppose, in that case, I can go a level higher and get you some Power Dive instead.”

“Great!”

“Can I just point out how much you're both shortening your lives at this point?” Sunset interjected more forcefully. “Also, I'd rather not be here past midnight, can we get back to business?”

“Great idea!” Pinkie smiled. Then she leaned over towards Starlight, and whispered through the corner of her mouth, “What'll it take to get two bags of that Liquid Lightning?”

Sunset decided to ignore the impending Pink-ocalypse and focus on Flash, who was still staring at his arm like it was a foreign entity. “So you woke up in an office. What next?”

“Huh? Oh, well...”

The door was locked; I couldn't get out. After a little while, Tempest woke up, which was a relief. I was a bit worried the bean-worshipers had overdosed her somehow. But she wasn't much of a conversationalist. She seemed really out of it, muttering and scooting around. Her words were almost too muddled to understand. She was basically acting like a big toddler.

Then Tempest found some Sharpies in the desk and started scribbling on the wall. I tried to get her to stop, but that just resulted in me almost losing a finger. I did manage to find a pad of paper though, and she seemed to like that even better than the wall, so problem solved!

After a while she actually started drawing instead of just scratching at the paper. Like, she was actually making a picture. It was about then that the door opened, and a couple guys in robes came in. They had knives.

They started saying a bunch of junk about somebody named Beanos, and that they were going to bring me and Tempest to 'face her judgment'. They called her 'The Great Blue', and mentioned her multi-colored hair, and that's when I realized they were talking about Rainbow Dash.

“Wait, really?” Sunset recoiled. “They were worshiping Rainbow Dash?”

“More like they were worshiping Concentrated Awesome. Then again, who wouldn't?” Rainbow proudly thrust her hips forward.

“That's what she named her penis,” Twilight responded to Sunset's confused look.

“That makes way too much sense,” Sunset sighed.

“Hey,” Flash snapped, “Do you wanna hear this or not?”

“Yeah, shut up!” Starlight sat on the hood of Flash's car and leaned forward. “I haven't heard this part.”

Things weren't looking good. Tempest had the brain of a toddler, and there was no way I could take on three cultists- because that's what they were, cultists- and I didn't seem to have my weapon. Me and Tempest were about to be dragged in front of Rainbow Dash for a mock trial that would probably end with us being killed or worse.

Thankfully, that's when Somnambula showed up.

I guess she was listening in for a while, you know, invisible? But while two of those jerks were trying to put handcuffs on Tempest, Somnambula made herself visible and just about scared the piss out of me. She looked at Tempest's drawings and said something like, “Back in Egypt we had a bunch of crazy people locked in the dungeon who drew pictures just like these. We called them 'prophets'.”

And... that's kinda how I got the idea. The idea to fake Tempest being able to show the future in her drawings. Luckily the cultists are at least as gullible as an ancient Egyptian peasant, so now Tempest is the Oracle to them.

After I convinced them, they left us alone for a while. Tempest was just starting to speak simple sentences when Double Dickhead and his friends dragged Starlight in. They wanted me- well, Tempest, but mostly me because I was translating. They wanted me to tell them what to do with her. With Starlight. So I told them-

Flash's arm suddenly rose up and he slapped himself. “Ow!” he yelped. “What the hell?”

Somnambula faded into view next to him, pouting. “It was my idea...” she said.

Flash sighed.

Somnambula whispered in my ear that I should tell them to send Starlight to Rainbow Dash. I didn't actually have any better ideas. So, I being the wonderful boyfriend that I am-

Sunset rolled her eyes.

I listened to Somnambula and did exactly what she told me to. I told the cultists that Tempest's latest 'masterpiece' showed it was the 'will of Beanos' that Starlight would be judged by their god's avatar.

“And that's about all I know,” Flash shrugged. “After that, the next time I saw anybody was when the police broke the door down. I'm not even sure-”

“Ooh, ooh, we know!” Pinkie hugged herself to Fluttershy, inadvertently causing their blankets to slip so that both of them showed off certain assets to the nearest cop, who turned lobster red and walked stiffly away. “We know what happened next!”

Rainbow Dash reached out and pulled the fabric back over her girlfriend's boobs, and Sunset swore she saw Rainbow feel them up, too. But Fluttershy was already blushing pretty hard, so she couldn't really tell. “I think I'll tell this next part, Pinkie,” Rainbow said.

“Aw, but then why am I even in this story?”

“Because... you were there?” Sunset suggested. She wasn't sure what Pinkie meant, but it was usually better not to ask. Once she had, and the resulting explanation had required her to do a month's worth of quantum physics research just to understand the basics. It wasn't worth the effort past that.

Pinkie absorbed Sunset's suggestion and shrugged. “I suppose not having a story role is better than being written out like some folks. Hope Rarity's having a better time than me!”

Rarity's attitude and enjoyment of life- or lack thereof- were directly related to her work, and as such, still classified. However, Pinkie's statement just happened to coincide with a particularly disgusting nightmare involving a ladies' toilet and the general waste products of humanity, which Rarity awoke from in cold sweat. She would spend the rest of the evening curled up on her living room couch, nursing a bucket of vanilla-fudge swirl ice cream until she passed out, still holding it.

“So anyway,” Rainbow began, shoving Pinkie to the side, “They managed to capture me, but only after about an hour of heavy fighting. There must've been a hundred ninja cultists, and I was totally kicking ass! I mean, I was doing side flips and back kicks and-”

“Rainbow-” Fluttershy said in a warning tone.

Rainbow coughed and shrugged. “Okay, so they got the drop on me when I was leaving the bathroom. After that they tied me up and took me to their lair...”

It was totally dark but of course I recognized our Couch. It's like, The Couch! How could I not? The cult weirdos had turned the Couch room into a sort of throne room. They made a platform out of desks and put big wooden chair on top. I have no idea where they got the chair from, 'cause it sure wasn't one of ours.

They put me in the chair and tied me up- I was naked at that point. You're welcome for putting on pants, by the way. Anyway, it was really weird because none of them were touching my dick. Like, none of them. They were obviously worshiping it, which was really cool, but like... They wouldn't let themselves touch my dick. I could tell some of them wanted to, but they didn't.

The really horrible part? I wasn't the only one in the room. They brought in Pinkie and Fluttershy, too! They tied them to The Couch and fucked them with beanises, right in front of me! Over, and over again, penetrating every hole, their moans and screams echoing-

Sunset's nails tore into her palms. “They WHAT!” she thundered. Smoldering eyes turned towards the cultists, blazing with all the fury of her namesake. “They're dead,” she hissed, taking a step forward.

She was just slow enough for eight hands- seven alive and one not- to grab her and pull her back.

“Whoa,” Flash said. “I doubt it's what you're thinking.” He looked around for confirmation. “It- it isn't, right? We wouldn't be here if it was?”

Twilight crossed her arms and sent a spiteful glance at the cultists. “They wouldn't be here if it had been. I don't think I'd have called the cops if Starlight told me that was happening. I think I'd've taken my own measures.”

“Me too,” Starlight nodded.

“Ditto,” Tempest muttered.

Fluttershy smiled. “That's very nice, but, um- we volunteered.”

“We really appreciate the enthusiasm, though!” Pinkie said.

Sunset shuddered. “Still, that- that seems wrong.”

“The only thing wrong,” Rainbow complained, “Is that it was totally hot! And nobody would touch my dick! They wouldn't even let me touch my dick! I don't think I've wanted to masturbate so badly in years. Good thing the police left us unsupervised for a couple minutes after the arrests, right Fluttershy?”

The young woman somehow managed to turn an even deeper shade of crimson. “Um- right.”

Sunset sighed yet again. She was going to have to take a vacation from retirement at this point. Who does that?

“Hey.” Sunset looked up when she felt Starlight's hand on her arm. The other Equestrian's eyes showed nothing but concern. “Are you okay?”

Sunset took a deep breath and nodded. “I- Let's just finish up, okay? We keep getting sidetracked.”

“That's fair.” Starlight looked at Rainbow, who was ogling Fluttershy again. “I think I'll be the one telling the story now.”

So they took me to see Tempest, and from there they took me to The Couch. Double Diamond walked in and the whole room basically froze up. He made a pretty great speech about evil outsiders and the danger they posed. Then he dragged me forward and said I was a heretic, that I was in trouble for 'impersonating their leader'.

Which, I have to ask, why was there a me in this place? I guess I can understand Twilight including a replica of herself along with her friends, but why include me in the simulation if I'm just going to be evil?

I'm adding it to the list of bugs, too.

Right, right. So fake me was one of the ones fucking Fluttershy and Pinkie; she stood up and took off her hood and got really mad. Like, really really mad. She was practically foaming at the mouth as she yelled about the audacity of their enemies. I think she called me a right-triangle at one point.

It didn't matter, though, because the glitch over there- Somnambula- she undid my ropes so I could get free. First thing, I punched Double Diamond in the face, which was more satisfying than I expected. Then I ran out the door as fast as I could.

After that it was pretty simple, since I knew the building better than them. I made it to R & B and found Twilight holed up inside, and together we did what we always do: save the day. Or, night, in this case.

Starlight dropped back onto the car hood. She crossed her arms and looked rather pleased with herself.

But Sunset still had a question. “How- exactly- did you save the day?”

“We called the cops,” Twilight said matter-of-factly. “What were we going to do, turn into ponies and blast them with magic lasers?”

“That's usually worked in the past...”

“It wasn't necessary,” Starlight said smugly. “They were trespassing, they were holding multiple beings against their will, and they were armed. I actually do know the rules, Sunset. All of those things are illegal in this world.”

“So they called the enforcers in and we say goodbye to our biggest problem- well, except for those assassins.” Tempest blinked, working her jaw like she couldn't believe what had come out of her mouth. It was her longest sentence since Sunset had arrived.

“This situation has some other benefits, too!” Twilight beamed. “This ought to be all over the news in the morning. And you know what they say- no such thing as bad publicity!”

Sunset rubbed her temples. “Twilight-”

“So we lose the mob and get free advertising?” Rainbow finally tore her eyes away from her girlfriend. “Sounds like a damn good day to me!”

“Weeeeell...” Pinkie coughed. “Funny story, but when the cops were, quote-unquote, rescuing us, one of the cultists accidentally set off a Self-Defense Datanis and it got all over some of Applejack's sentient bean vines. From what I saw after that, the vines are definitely smarter, meaner, and have a working knowledge of Parasitology!” She smiled at the last part.

The rest of them... did not. For her part, Sunset was just trying to get her mind back on target. She'd learned what happened, everyone seemed okay-

“Wait.” She frowned. “Where are the others?”

Twilight looked up from a tiny notepad she'd been scribbling on- Sunset made out EXAMINE BEAN VINES TOMO- and blinked. “Well, Rarity is still undercover. And Applejack took the week off for a farmers' convention.”

“Lucky her.” Sunset shook her head. “Okay, last thing, I promise- how did the cultists get into the building without anyone noticing?”

They all shrugged- except Starlight, who began whistling and looked everywhere except at Sunset.

“Starlight?”

“It wasn't my fault!” she burst out. “I told you, this simulation is faulty!”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “What did you do? Or not do?”

Starlight bit her lip, taking in the suspicious looks from every direction. “I may- just may- have forgotten... to lock the door last night?” She tried for an apologetic grin.

Sunset punched herself in the face. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!”

“I'm sorr-”

“YOU HAVE ONE THING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE!”

“You don't have to yell.”

“I'M YELLING BECAUSE I'M PISSED! BECAUSE THAT WAS SOMETHING THAT I WARNED YOU ABOUT WHEN YOU TOOK THE JOB!”

“Sunset!” Twilight frowned. “It was an honest mistake.”

Sunset did her best to swallow the rage, knowing the real reason why she was upset. “I'm sorry, I just- You all could've gotten really hurt! Honest mistake or not.”

“To be fair,” Starlight ventured, “In Equestria, locked doors tend to mean somepony's been replaced by evil changelings or something. It's not something we usually do.”

“That is true,” Sunset conceded. “But this isn't Equestria. You can't act like it is, Starlight. And that mob of crazies isn't the only danger around here.” She reached out and took her friends hand in her own. “Just promise me, promise me, you'll double check the locks from now on?”

Starlight nodded, all business. “I promise.”

At that moment, Rainbow Dash let out a huge, inappropriate yawn. “Welp,” she said, “I don't see any reason for me to stick around. “You coming Fluttershy?”

“Um- not yet. Maybe when we get home.” Rainbow strutted away, not hearing the quiet perverted statement, and Fluttershy followed two steps behind, eyes on Rainbow's backside.

“Not much call for me to stick around either,” Pinkie said despondently. “Those officers won't let me back into the building to record, so I guess I should go home, too.” Then she perked up. “Though maybe a couple of them would like to be movie stars...” Her gaze wandered over a few of the female cops, and then she skipped off.

Starlight watched the departures, and then grunted. “That reminds me. Why are you here, Sunset?”

Twilight perked up. “Are you thinking of coming back?”

A hollow bark escaped Sunset's throat. “No. Hell no. The past half-hour has just made me more glad I already left.”

“Oh.” Twilight deflated. “Then-”

“I'm here for my money!” Sunset rounded on Starlight again. “What the hell, Accounting? That check should've arrived two days ago!”

Starlight winced. “Yeah... there was an accident. Some E-Jaculate got on my calculator box and it kinda... blew up.”

“Oh.” Sunset nodded, recalling similar problems. “Yeah, I lost a few computers, too. So I'll get the check soon?”

“Should arrive the day after tomorrow.”

“Sweet. Well, thanks!” She smiled, then gave her remaining friends hugs. “I'll see you girls soon, okay? Promise.”

And with her business concluded, Sunset was totally ready to get out of there. She turned to leave.

And almost got hit by a giant motor-scooter!

“Whoops!” Wallflower smiled. “I'm just here to pick up Tempest after my day off. Sorry Sunset!” Then her laughing eyes focused in, recognizing that Sunset shouldn't be there, the building should probably not have been abandoned, and the parking lot should definitely not have been full of cops and bound cultists. “Did- did I miss something?”