The Origin of Big Mac

It was a nice, sunny morning. The grass was glistening, the sun was shining, and the sound of the Motorcycle Club could be heard off in the distance. Mac stepped outside and took in a nice, hearty breath of fresh air. Today was the big day. His trusty old backpack was in its classic place, his back. Mac wore his good old red t-shirt right over his white sweatshirt, like always. The wind was blowing through Mac’s hair as he happily walked down the street to his awaiting adventure. He watched the trees and bushes rustling in the wind. At the end of the road, Mac saw that nice, psychedelic-colored bus waiting for him. He couldn’t wait to sit in his secretly favorite seat, the seat he has dreamed about all his life; the back-left seat. Mac started a nice, steady jog, and as he got closer, he noticed the seat was empty. This was the day he’d been waiting for.

As Mac approached the bus waiting for him at the end of the road, he noticed that something was wrong. Instead of good old Frankie driving the bus like usual, it was a strange man, or at least he thought it was a man, in a dark trench coat and 1940’s hat covering all features. Nobody else was on the bus, not even Bloo, who promised he would be on the bus today. How could Mac go on the adventure of a lifetime without his best buddy?

“Are you stopping at Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends?” Mac asked, which would usually have an obvious answer, considering the name is on the side of the bus. This was the most unusual bus ride of Mac’s life.

“We’ll be there in good time. On the way, just sit back and enjoy some provided entertainment,” replied the bus driver in a somewhat evil voice. Mac noticed a copy of People Magazine in the seat pocket. He began to read the magazine, but all of the text was upside down. Suddenly, the magazine turned into cotton candy. It then caught on fire. From the bus speakers, a strange song began to play, which Mac later realized was Chocolate Rain reversed. At this point, Mac was really scared. What would become of this mysterious adventure?

Mac looked out the window and saw all the familiar sights. The town appeared normal, all the buildings were the same, everything outside this chaotic bus appeared to be normal. The people walked happily down the streets, going through their everyday lives. Nobody noticed anything unusual about the bus. Mac took a closer look at the bus driver. What was he hiding? Why was he dressed like that? Is it a human or an imaginary friend? What if this entire bus was a large imaginary friend that was experiencing a bad day? No, that couldn’t be. If the bus was an imaginary friend, Mac probably would have noticed by now, considering how many times he’s ridden it. One thing Mac noticed, though, was that the bus driver appeared to have unusually short fingers with claws at the end, like a lion’s paw. It seems only fitting that the driver is an imaginary friend. But what does he look like? Mac wondered for much longer than he noticed, and before he knew it, the bus was in the middle of a deep, dark forest. This was definitely beyond Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends now.

“Excuse me, sir, we’re way past Foster’s now. Where are you taking me?” Mac asked, now terrified. For all he knew, he might never leave this forest.

“Don’t worry, boy, we’ll be there in just about tooo. Now how about that entertainment?” the mysterious bus driver asked. Mac looked again and this time in the seat pocket, instead of a copy of People Magazine, it was a perfectly crafted, juicy-looking hamburger. Mac was really hungry; he had been so excited for his adventure that he forgot to eat breakfast. He wasn’t sure he should eat the burger, though, who knows what could be wrong with it? He sat there wondering for a good 5 minutes until hunger and curiosity finally got the best of him. Mac hesitantly moved the burger toward his mouth in order to take a bite, but he still wasn’t sure if he making the right decision. As soon as he took that first fateful bite, he was in love. This was thee greatest burger Mac had ever tasted in his entire life. It was flavored with the perfect ratio of ketchup to mustard. The onions were sliced to the precise length. The four pickles were positioned exactly in a square; not to close together, yet not too far apart. Mac noticed that written in ketchup on the side of the bun was the name “Jim”. Mac grasped the greatest patty of all time in his hands. He had to know who was responsible for this holy creation.

“Excuse me, bus driver, does your name happen to be Jim?” Mac asked. He grasped the patty with thousands of times more passion than he ever had for anything or anyone, even Frankie. With another glance, though, something about the hamburger didn’t seem right. The burger appeared to be changing shape. What used to be the patty of a lifetime was now becoming a large, lone human hand that appeared to be fully intact. There was no sign of it ever having a wrist. The hand began to float and gave Mac a nice snap of the fingers and point, like the cool kids did in the 50’s.

“Jim? Sorry boy, you must be mistaking me for someone else. You see, my name is Discord. I am the spirit of chaos. If I wasn’t, how could I have made this bus ride so entertaining?” The bus driver removed his trench coat and 1940’s hat to reveal the 19th strangest creature Mac had ever seen. This “Discord” guy appeared to have the head of a horse with one strange twisted unicorn horn and one deer antler, the body of a deer, the arms of a lion and an eagle, the legs of a lizard and deer, and the tail of a snake. He also had one bird wing and one bat wing. Discord appeared to sit on a cloud while filing his nails.

“Being the spirit of chaos, I have come to your world to make changes for the better. I think I’ll start with you.” With a snap of his fingers, Discord changed Mac in a way that Mac was unaware of. Suddenly, Mac couldn’t stand on his own two legs. Mac collapsed and was now on all fours, which for some reason felt much more natural. Mac also now felt a strange compulsion pertaining to apples. He didn’t know what it was or what to do, all he knew was apples. Mac looked around and saw good old Bloo sitting on a log. It was good to see a familiar face again. Bloo approached Mac as if nothing had happened.

“Gee Mac, you sure are big!” Bloo said.

“Eeyup.”