Starlight Glimmer sat on the cold floor of her bedroom in the crystal castle just outside Ponyville. Tears running like rivers from her eyes down her face. Her mind was wild and her heart pounded in her chest. She stared into the mirror that stood proudly in a corner of her room, she was not proud of what she saw in it however.
Herself.
How could she ever truly forgive herself for what she had done. Sure, it was all in the past now but not a day goes by without the thought of it. And on some days, somepony will bring it up.
She still gets the odd looks on the streets, from all the unforgiving ponies. Most of these ponies don’t actually live in Ponyville, where most ponies were kind to her.
Most.
There were still some ponies, they glared, they whispered to whoever was with them and they knew she could hear them. All the remarks made, all the rumors, all the lies.
Starlight didn’t attempt to hold back the tsunami of tears and emotion she usually did. She was alone, she was cold, she was depressed. She never told a soul. Not a soul would understand. She knew she wasn’t truly alone, she had so many friends. So why did she feel so alone? Why didn’t she enjoy hanging out with them as much as she used to? Why doesn’t she display a real smile? Why can’t she laugh anymore? Why does she always lie? Why does nopony notice, how alone she is? Does anypony truly care?
She continued to stare into the glass with hatred at the horrible image before her eyes. A disgraceful excuse of a unicorn, who has too much power to control. A failure of a friend who can’t even tell her friends any truth. A lost cause, no hope, no dreams, no feeling.
All the words. She wanted them to go away. They haunted her dreams. They stayed in the front of her mind at all times. They tore her apart. They crushed her heart beyond repair. They made her lose all hope, the only hope she had left was her wanting, almost begging for death.
Every living moment felt like a battle, the more she continued to live, the more she continued to die. And her supposed friends never noticed. They thought she was okay. They had no idea how much help she needed. Her desperate cries were never heard. Her aching heart was stole from her chest. Her chest, now an empty void of unfeeling, no emotions, no pain, no sorrow. At least on the outside. It was all a front she put on. She pretended to be okay, she pretended the words didn’t bother her, she pretended she was happy. She wasn’t happy. She hadn’t truly been for a long time.
Funny right? The guidance counsellor that gives out so much advice and helps so many creatures, can’t save herself from those toxic thoughts that clouded her brain.
They are right about me. I am a lost cause. Twilight will realize it soon too. Then she’ll cast me out and I will really be alone. Nopony cares about me. They don’t know how much I’ve changed. Have I even changed at all? My friends don’t truly care about me. They don’t really know me. I mean, if they did they would have understood things by now. Twilight and the others are always busy teaching. Trixie tours with her magic show all the time. Maud has her new boyfriend. Sunburst is in the Crystal Empire, always busy with Princess Flurry Heart.
Nopony would miss me if I was gone.
That thought spiraled Starlight down into the darkest depths of her own mind. She knew right then and there what she was going to do, something she wanted to do for so long. She raised a hoof to the glass and punched it. The loud smash echoed throughout the crystalline castle as the glass shattered, just like her heart. The glass exploded when her hoof made contact with the mirror. She shut her eyes as the glass flew across the room, some shards landing her light puple coat. She gasped as the pain shot through her entire body. Blood already dripped from her hooves, but she was not done. She looked back into the mirror, the image now blurred, cracked and damaged, more accurate than it had ever been.
She levitated a piece of paper and a quill to where she sat and wrote.
To whomever finds me,
I’d be surprised if you even read this entire note, I mean why would you even care about me? I’m a thoughtless, insensitive, incompetent, powerhungry unicorn. Right?
But if for some weird reason you want to know why I’ve done this. Well,it’s obvious isn’t it? Oh wait no, my friends didn’t even notice, not even the Princess of Friendship.
I’ve always had depression since Sunburst left me. I have done all sorts of self harm over the years but stopped when I set up my village. I was happy again. Well,as happy as I could be. Then it all got taken away, like candy from a filly. I wanted to make Twilight feel the pain I felt, but then I saw the errors of my ways. I was convinced for a short time that I could be happy again and these new friends would be the answer to save me from myself.
But not all ponies are as forgiving as the element bearers. All the words they say about me. All the rumors and lies. It all becomes too much. I resorted to cutting again and somehow nopony noticed it. I continued hoping somepony would cop on, but that day never came. Well now it has. Hope is for suckers anyways.
Now ponies, you will see what you have caused. Now friends, you will see what you could’ve stopped.
Twilight: You were always there for me. You never gave up on me no matter how hopeless I was. You are one of the best friends a pony could ever have.I want you to know that I appreciate everything but I really don’t and never did deserve any of it.
Trixie: Words can’t describe how much you mean to me. You’re one of the greatest things life has given me, I don’t deserve you. I never have. I hope that you find a best friend who actually deserves you. I have been horrible to you and you don’t deserve that. Go find somepony who will treat you better. You’ll get over me in no time.
Maud:I could just talk to you for ages, you never failed to cheer me up. You didn’t even have to try. We never had to say how we were feeling. We just knew. Too bad you weren’t around as much before this, you could’ve seen through my lies. Thank you for being such an amazing friend.
Sunburst: How could I ever forget you? My first friend. My best friend. My first heartbreak. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Nopony could ever replace you. We could just talk and talk and talk for hours and hours. We had some of the best memories and some of the best fun. I wish you knew how much you mean to me. I never deserved you either.
And to all the others: We all have our great memories together. You all helped me a lot and I couldn’t thank you more. There was no saving me this time though. My mind was made up some time ago. I wouldn’t have survived this long without you guys. But it’s my time. I never deserved you. Any of you. You’re better off. Sure, in a year you’ll probably forget me, I’m not something to be dwelled on.
It’s a cruel world out there. But stick together and you will make it through. I was messed up from the start however. There wasn’t much you could’ve done. You did your best to make me feel welcome but it wasn’t enough when all those ponies kept running their mouths, twisting the stories into complete lies. Maybe they were right. I mean, the truth hurts, right Applejack?
Well, I don’t know what else to say, just thank you again and please don’t let my actions affect you, it was my choice, nobody is to blame but myself. I could’ve just ignored those ponies, like you all told me to, or like Spike, just shout at them to defend myself, like he did for me on many occasions, thanks for that Spike. Wait did I just smile? Or maybe I could have just not been such a “drama queen” and just got over it like a normal pony.
But then I never would have met you guys. I honestly don’t know how I would live without you. You have helped me through so much. But this was even too big for you to handle.
Ok, I’m rambling and repeating myself over and over again. You’re probably sick of me by now. This is it, thank you once again, you will never know how much you truly mean to me. Every single one of you. But it’s time now.
Goodbye.
Starlight Glimmer
That’s it now. She placed the blood and tear stained parchment on her desk just a short way from where she would soon take her last breath. She looked at the glass shards on the ground. She picked one up with her magic. Her eyes darted between the glass and her shaking hooves.
She slowly lowered the glass to her left hoof and without thought dug the shard deep into her hoof and sliced across her wrist. The blood burst out of her hoof like a lion from it’s cage, landing in pools on the unforgiving floor. She made two more cuts, staining her coat, her cries of pain mixed in with her sobs.
After the third cut she moved to her other hoof. Her whole body shook, her coat soaked and stained, her bleeding hoof now numb. She was weakening. She made several deep cuts into her already scarred hoof, tracing said scars. She screamed out in pain as she did so. The blood exploded like a volcano out of the new wounds on her hoof.
Her magic faltered causing her to drop the glass shard into her hoof. Her sobs became slowly and slowly more quiet. Her head became light, her hooves now completely numb. Her eyes rolled back as her consciousness slipped away.
“Goodbye”
Author's Note
Hey, this is my first story on this site and I hope I did a good job.
Yes there is more to this story...
