There Are No Words!

by Lets Do This

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tragedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 3155

One morning Twilight awakens to find her favorite book has gone blank. And that's just the start of her problems! What do you do when the very thing that you love most simply goes away?

One morning Twilight awakens to find her favorite Daring Do book has gone blank. So have the books on her desk. And that's just the start of her problems! What do you do when the very thing that you love most simply goes away?

Published 2018-08-29 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-29 20:50:01 UTC

There Are No Words!

Twilight Sparkle awoke, in her loft bedroom in the Golden Oak Library, from a pleasant dream which for some reason involved eating a dictionary.

She yawned, smacked her lips, and decided to be lazy for a bit longer. Reaching a hoof to the bedside table, she grabbed her reading copy of the Daring Do Adventures -- Omnibus Edition.

She blinked, and stared at it. The cover had the usual picture of Daring Do swinging through the southern jungles on her latest spine-tingling adventure, but there was no title or author's name. She checked the spine. The same thing, no title or author, just the publisher's emblem.

She flipped open the book and turned to the bookmark she'd left in it the last time she'd read it.

And sat up, rapidly paging through the book. All the pages were blank. No title, no table of contents, no text, no helpful seventy-two page reader's guide to the series... all blank!

"What the hay...?"

She closed the book nervously. And then she relaxed, with a smile. It was a prank. It had to be. Probably Rainbow Dash had snuck in here and swapped out the book the last time she'd swung by to check out the latest Daring Do title...

... except Rainbow had long since read every Daring Do the Library had. And this was way too expensive and elaborate for one of Rainbow's pranks, which tended more towards a bucket of water propped on a door and suchlike.

Shrugging, Twilight decided to say nothing about it, and then see if Rainbow tried to drop any hints the next time they met.

Getting out of the bed, Twilight almost called for Spike and then remembered he was staying overnight in Canterlot to wait for the ancient grimoires she had requested from the Archives. She trotted down the stairs to the main room, went into the kitchen to put the kettle on for tea. Then she came back out, sat down at her desk, and pulled over a novel she'd been reading. She flipped it open.

It was blank, too. All four hundred pages.

Twilight dropped it and rapidly checked the other books on the desk. They were blank as well, every single one. They were unquestionably the same books she'd been studying the night before. And their pages were uniformly empty.

Twilight's eyes lifted to the thousands of books on the shelves all around her, in mounting alarm.

Ten minutes later the Library floor was littered with books, in small heaps or flopped open individually on the floor. Every single book was blank.

Twilight sat in the middle of the floor, seriously confused. This went way beyond a prank -- something was very wrong here. She tensely looked around the room, wondering what to do next.

She tried to focus, to stay calm, take deep breaths, come up with a plan.

Then the door slammed open.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahh!"

"Hey, Twilight!" It was Pinkie Pie. "Oopsie! Did I startle ya? Sorry about that! But I figured you'd be open by now, and you never mind ponies just dropping in to say hi! Hey, watcha doin' way up there? Are you practicing sleeping like a bat-pony or something?"

"Pinkie!" Twilight gently released her death-grip on the chandelier, and then used her magic to flip herself back over and lower herself carefully to the floor. She took a steadying breath. "I'm really glad to see you! Has it happened anywhere else?"

"Happened? Whadaya mean?"

"Have books gone blank anywhere else?"

"I dunno. What's a book?"

Twilight stared. "Uh..." She gestured all around her. "You know, books?" She picked one up and waved it. "Like these?"

"Oh, books! Is that what you decided to call these? We were wondering!"

"Pinkie! You're making even less sense than usual. You know what books are. And what do you think this place is?"

"It's an art installation!"

Twilight goggled. "What?"

"You know! You decided one day to take a whole bunch of paper, wrap it up in square bundles of all kinds of colors and sizes, and then arrange them on shelves. It's your masterpiece! But you couldn't decide what the arrangement should be, so you keep rearranging them! It's a living installation, or that's what you said it was! Oooh, is today a deconstruction day? Is that why you've dumped them all over the place?"

"Pinkie! This is a Library! It's a place where books are kept! And where ponies come to read them!"

"Read? Uh, what's that? Is it some kinda art appreciation thing?"

"Urrhhh! Read the writing in them, for Celestia's sake!"

"Oh." Pinkie blinked twice. "What's writing?"

Frustrated, Twilight grabbed up a book and pointed to the page. "Words on a page, like one of these. Well, there should be words, anyway!"

"Don't be silly! You can't put words anywhere! You say them! Though I suppose you could trap the words in a bottle if you held it near your mouth as you were talking. But then how would you get them out again?"

"Are you trying to drive me crazy?" Twilight shook her head. "Never mind! I need to go find some of the others. We need to figure this out and fast! Have you seen Rarity or Applejack around town this morning?"

"We're right here, dahling!" Rarity strolled in through the open door, accompanied by Applejack. "What did you need us for?" She glanced around at the mess. "Goodness, Twilight! Far be it from me to tell you how to run this art thing of yours, but no one's going to want to come visit the place when it's such a disaster!"

"Hoo-ee! You're raight!" Applejack looked around. "Looks laik a tornado just had a hoof-wrassle with a hurricane in here!"

"What?" Twilight shouted. "Not you too! I thought it was just Pinkie being Pinkie! Don't you two know this is a Library either?"

Rarity shrugged. "Well, if that's what you're going to call it, I'm not going to argue. But I think you're going to wind up having to explain it to all your patrons!"

"For the love of everything sane and rational... This is a Library! It holds books! The books have words in them! Or at least they did, until this morning! Until whatever happened that made them all disappear!"

"Mmmm... if y'all say so," Applejack said, a little worried by the manic expression on Twilight's face. "Personally I never understood modern art much."

They were interrupted by a rushing of wind outside, followed by a clattering of hooves. Then Rainbow Dash hurried in through the door.

"Hi, Twilight! Glad to see you're finally open! Do you have the latest Daring Do story yet?"

Twilight rolled her eyes in relief. "Celestia! I never thought I'd say this, but thank you for being sensible, Rainbow! Finally, somebody who remembers what a book is!"

"Uhh..." Rainbow drew back, looking suspiciously at Twilight. "What's a book?"

"Rainbow! Cut it out! You just asked for the latest Daring Do, right?"

"Of course! I'd heard you'd been to Canterlot this week. So I figured you might have picked it up from the local bards there. Are you ready to start telling it to us yet? I'm all ready! Lay it on me, sister!"

Rainbow sat down and stared at Twilight attentively.

Twilight felt her sanity draining away, like hourglass sand. "Wait... you're expecting me to tell you the next Daring Do story from memory?"

"Well, duh! How else do we get stories around here?"

"Um... like with writing? In books?" She waved one under Rainbow's snout.

Rainbow brushed it aside. "Meh... I don't really hold with that modern artsy stuff. What good is there in this bunch of gift-wrapped dead trees? All you can do with them is arrange them on the shelves!"

"I just don't get this!" Twilight fumed. "I don't get this at all!"

Rainbow crossed her forehooves, annoyed. "Look, do you know the new Daring Do story or not? I can come back later, it's no big deal! But I really thought you'd have it memorized by now."

"Yah," Applejack agreed. "You always tells 'em real nice, Twilight! With the voices and everthang. You're not so bad as a bard yourself. Maybe you oughta give up on this art hobby of yours, and go pro!"

Twilight stared from one to the other of them, disbelievingly. Then she suddenly gasped, and smacked her forehead with a hoof.

"Oh! I know what it is! It's Discord, right? He's playing one of his twisted little gags on all of us! He's made all the words written in the books in my Library disappear. And he's made all of you forget about books and writing to make it look good. Fine! I can deal with this! All I have to do is find him, and get him to undo it!"

"Discord?" Applejack exchanged a look with Rarity. "Isn't he visiting Fluttershy this morning? Haven't seen him here in town, have you?"

"Not that I recall, dahling!"

"I'm sure it's him. Discord! That's got to be what it is!" Twilight nodded. "Well, I'll just show him. I'll go over to the bookstore and buy a book or two to have on the desk here, and when he comes poofing in to see how his little gag's going, I can just shove a book under his nose and make him think his spell failed!"

"Uh, 'scuse me, Twi," Applejack said. "But... what's a bookstore?"

Twilight's eyes goggled. And the bottom fell out of the hourglass.

Two seconds later she was out the door, hooves barely touching the ground.

She barreled along the streets, knocking other ponies down in her haste. There were no words on any of the signs on the stores she passed. There were no street signs either, or even numbers on the houses. But that was no problem, she knew her way well enough. At least, she thought she did. Things looked subtly different, and after two turns she wasn't quite certain she was going the right way. She pressed on, regardless.

She swung around what had to be the final corner, looking desperately for the Owl and Scroll Bookshop...

... which was no longer there. In its place was a flower shop.

Twilight's eyelid twitched. Her teeth chattered. She swung round, and dashed away.

She raced through town again, heading for the Town Hall. Finally she reached it and charged in through the main doors. Bursting into the Mayor's office, she found a startled Mayor Mare dictating orders to her staff. They came in rotation to listen to the Mayor, then walked away again, quietly repeating what she had told them so they wouldn't forget on the way.

"Oh!" Mayor Mare stared nervously at her. "Why, Princess Twilight! Uh... anything I can help you with?"

"Pardon the intrusion, Mayor, but this is an emergency! Where are all your files? The town records? Titles, deeds, official documents? That kind of thing?"

"Where they always are," Mayor Mare replied. She tapped her head with a forehoof. "Right here! Which reminds me, I still haven't started training my successor yet. Better remember to do that before my term is up, eh?"

"Gaaaah!!!" Twilight backed out quickly, and slammed the door.

She glanced around rapidly, her mind racing. Then her thoughts slammed to a halt like a cart hitting a stone wall.

Her mouth dropped open in silent, depthless horror.

In a blazing, actinic flash, she teleported away with such force that she left a singed outline on the door behind her.

The Canterlot Archives was never closed, thank goodness. She reappeared in its foyer, and raced along the corridors to the entrance doors leading to the main library stacks. And slammed to a halt. And stared, utterly speechless.

It was completely empty.

The main hall, every single wing and reading area, all stood empty. Not a single book in sight. Not even a hint that the hall had been used for anything. And somehow she knew, without looking, that the underground vaults would be empty. And all the branch libraries in town. Not a word. Not one single solitary word in all of Canterlot -- and perhaps...

... perhaps even in all Equestria.

I am a librarian. Twilight's thoughts wound tighter and tighter, a relentlessly overtightening spring with nothing to stop it. I am a book nerd, a lover of literature, a reader of words! I am what I know! And what I know is words!

AND THERE ARE NO WORDS!

"Uh, excuse me, your Highness," said one of the guards standing by the door. "Are you looking for something?"

Twitching, she stared back at him fixedly.

"... where are the books? ..." she mumbled weakly, her face spasming.

"Um... your Highness..."

"Don't tell me, let me guess! You don't know what books are, do you? The entire shelf devoted to the works of Star Swirl the Bearded! The Annals of the Three Kingdoms! The Six Hundred and Seventy Tales of Wise Cracker The Truthful! The Unabridged History of Equestria, all one hundred thirty nine freaking volumes of it! You don't know what any of those are? Do you? DO YOU???"

"Errrr, Princess..." the guard said, worriedly.

Twilight froze in mid-rant, a disturbing look on her face. Then the spring finally snapped.

"AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!"

She collapsed heavily on the floor, twitching and shivering, her tongue lolling from her mouth. She curled in on herself, hugging herself in bottomless despair.

The guards looked at each other, and then through the doors of the Archives. At the books, all of them, sitting on their shelves just as they'd done all morning.

"Uh, you think we should call someone?" one guard said.

"Yeah, I think we should!" the other replied.

Just at that moment there was a large flash in the corridor. Princess Luna appeared, together with Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow.

"Surprise!" they all called out together.

"Hoo way! We really got ya, Twi!"

"Oh, you should have seen the look on your face when you ran out of the Library, dahling!"

"Oooh! Oooh! Like me whenever I hear the words 'free cupcakes'!"

"Yeah! We gotcha good, didn't we, Twilight?" Rainbow paused, and started to look worried. "Uh... Twilight?"

Princess Luna stepped forward, and bent to peer closely at Twilight. "Twilight? Are you all right? It was only a jest, you know! A simple spell that renders one temporarily blind to words!"

"Bluuuhhh," Twilight said. Her eyes were staring and she was drooling slightly. "Yahmuhninumummmm..."

Rarity had Twilight's Daring Do Omnibus in her hooves. She held it up, fanning the pages with her magic to show the words still in place. "See, dahling? It was only a prank!"

Twilight did not respond.

"Twi?" Applejack asked, frightened. "Can you hear us?"

Princess Luna touched Twilight's shoulder gently. Twilight didn't even notice. Luna turned to look worriedly at the others. "I think... we may have taken it a little too far..."

"Uh... oh..." Rainbow said softly.

And then there was a much larger flash in the corridor.

It was Princess Celestia.

She stared in shock at Twilight, huddled and quivering helplessly on the floor. She bent her head down and nuzzled her gently, stroking her anxiously with a forehoof.

And then she looked up, at Luna and the others. But mostly at Luna. And even the Night Princess herself took several steps back in mounting terror.

For the blazing glare of the sun itself was in Celestia's eyes.

The Canterlot voice rang out in the corridor:

SISTER! DID WE NOT MAKE IT CLEAR TO YOU THAT IF YOU EVER CAME ANYWHERE NEAR TWILIGHT WITH ONE OF YOUR PRANKS... THAT THERE WOULD BE... CONSEQUENCES?

Twilight Sparkle finally awoke, from uneasy, feverish dreams.

She found herself in the Royal Bedchamber, tucked up in Celestia's own bed. There were several of her old toys within easy reach, plus more than a few books, all of them spread open so the words within were clearly visible.

"Hello, Twilight," said Fluttershy. She was sitting by the side of the bed, looking exhausted but pleased. "You're finally awake! It's been so long and I was so worried."

"Hey, Twi!" Spike gently patted her shoulder. "Good to see ya again!"

"Would you like some water?" Fluttershy asked.

Twilight nodded, and smiled weakly. "Thanks!"

Fluttershy poured a glass, and Spike held it for her while she drank.

Then Twilight suddenly started in horror. She hunched down under the covers. "It was all just a joke... wasn't it?"

"Yes. It was a joke," Fluttershy said calmly. "A very silly prank. I told them it wasn't a good idea taking it so far. I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I should have come warn you. I'm sorry I didn't. And Princess Celestia was gracious enough to forgive me for that."

"Princess Celestia..."

"I am here, Twilight," Celestia said. She'd been sitting over by the window, and now came over to stand beside the bed. Leaning forward, she nuzzled Twilight fondly. "There's nothing more to worry about. It was just a foolish prank. And as you can see, all your books are fine. They're full of words, just as they always have been. There have always been words, and there shall always be words. I will make sure of it!"

"Thanks!" Twilight smiled happily. "I know I shouldn't have let it get to me. I'd forgotten how much reading meant to me, how much I defined myself in terms of it." She glanced around. "Uh... where are the others? And Luna? I want to make sure they know I'm okay!"

"Shhhh, Twilight," Celestia replied. "You don't need to worry about that. You'll never have to worry about that again -- not ever!"

Fluttershy quailed, backing away. She was worried Princess Celestia might look at her again. Might turn those blazing eyes her way -- might take notice of her again.

But Twilight simply smiled wearily, and let her eyes slide closed, drifting back to sleep.

Celestia nodded, satisfied, and returned to staring out through the window.

She was looking up at the sky, at the Moon hanging in the heavens. The Moon which now hung eternally in the sky, day and night, as a reminder of what happened to those who dared even think of causing harm to the Sun Princess's favorite student.

The Mare in the Moon shadow had returned.

And this time she had four smaller pony-shaped shadows for company.

The End

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and indicia are the property of Hasbro.
No infringement is intended. This story is a work of fan fiction, written by fans for fans of the series.

Author's Note

A quickie, tragi-comedy, cautionary tale.

For whom the gods would destroy, they should first check to make sure they're monotheistic! :twilightsmile: