(Cancelled) Rangers Never Sleep

I jumped to my feet and raised my sidearm, eye level, directly into the face of the beast. She began to backpedal into the wall, completely terrified of the hostile creature she summoned into her kingdom. She frantically looked around for some way out, an escape route from the imminent death staring her in the eyes. She broke the silence.

"Please...Let us negotiate..."

I was staring daggers directly into her eyes.

"...Since it is apparent that you speak English, lets start by you explaining, what the FUCK IS GOING ON!"

My expression quickly turned into one of fuming rage.

"Everything will be explained, please, just put that...thing, down..." She spoke, I could hear the terror in her voice.

I stayed in position for another 5 seconds, restraining her with my 1,000 mile-stare alone. Without breaking eyesight, I lowered my weapon, and relaxed my muscles. I opened my mouth to speak, but the sound of large BANG interrupted my thought process. I looked back to see the door of the room slammed open with about 6 more horses standing there.

"HALT! IN THE NAME OF THE PR-"

*BANG*

I didn't hear what he said, and I truly didn't care. Never sneak up on a Ranger in attack mode. As soon as he opened his mouth, I sent a .45 straight through his skull, splattering all of his buddies with his blood.

"...YOU MOTHERBUCKER!! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Oh, this was gonna be fun.

I was charged by all 5 of the left ones, but that's when I noticed that a few of them could actually fly... Yeah, they had their very own pair of wings. I was starting to wonder what kind of damn fairytale world I was in. The one's who couldn't fly, or the normal ones as they appeared, charged me full force. I just simply sidestepped the one, and cloths lined the other one, except I didn't let go. I pulled him into a huma-er...Pony sheild. God these things were heavy, they looked like chew toys, but in reality, they had to weigh at least 120-150 pounds, they're all muscle. I had him suspended by his throat, clutched against my chest with my arm extended next to his head with my the other ones at the business end of my 1911. One of the flying fuckers basically dive bombed me, but his terminal velocity was not as fast as a .45 traveling at 1,000 FPS. I squeezed another round off, the ear splitting BANG sent shudders through everyone in the small enclosed room. I embraced the recoil of the pistol as it lifted my arm. The body of the pony fell limply out of the air and landed on a wooden table, splintering it with ease. The ceiling, now decorated with the blood and brain matter of one unfortunate soul, was starting to drip down on the other soldiers. I still had the other pony wriggling in my arm, and I didn't want to spend all of my ammunition on these things, who knows, maybe there is something bigger that I will have to deal with now that I'm probably a most wanted fugitive. I holstered my 1911 and from the same area withdrew my KA-Bar Tanto from it's sheath, brought it up and dragged it across his neck. I didn't hold his mouth, I wanted them to hear his gargled screams as the blood escaped from his severed carotid. I dropped him to the floor while he was writhing in pain, fighting for his life. I simply stared into they're eyes, blood of my enemy dripping down my face. They were completely frozen, horrified.

"...GO...MOVE ALONG..." I yelled at them, they obliged.

I turned back to the main bitch. She sported a stern expression, and her horn was glowing. I figured it wasn't best to stick around for this one. I turned, but couldn't lift my leg. For that matter, I couldn't move anything. I realized something in my unnatural seizure, either I was hallucinating, or my body was engulfed in a pale aurora. I began to panic, trying to the best of my ability to set free of my binds. My heart was racing by the time I saw a whole lot more ponies show up at the door, and boy let me tell 'ya, they-were-angry. I heard a voice from behind, and looked to the source.

"Seize him."

I rotated my head back around, just in time to see a hoof on a crash course for my face. Wonderful.

*SMACK*

I was shaken awake by the extremely uncomfortable setting I was thrown into. My eyes shot open, my back was screaming. I looked down to see that I was actually sleeping in a cage, and I was defiantly being moved somewhere. After I was out of my initial shock, I found that I was actually in the back of a wagon of some sort, and there seems to be an entourage. One of them saw me awake; he spoke up.

"He-hey, look who's awake guys! Have a pleasant sleep? Hahaha..."

"Where the fuck are you bringing me. Am I gonna have to slaughter more of you fucking chew toys?" Still using my 1,000 yard stare.

"Look out everybody, we gotta tough guy over here! Don't worry, you're not gonna get the chance to even touch us. You're not so tough without this, are ya?" He levitated my sidearm and blade in front of my face.

Fuck...

"You alien bitches wear such heavy armor, unlike us Equestrian Guard, our armor is paper thin, we don't let our enemy get so close. Only idiots do that, but I guess you know nothing about combat tactics, huh?"

"Nah, didn't just kill 3 of you little cunts with the lift of my fucking finger..."

A louder voice came from behind me.

"SHUT YOUR ALIEN MOUTH", followed by a smack to the head with the back of a spear.

Ouch...

Another voice came from left side of me.

"Hey Moonlight! Check me out!" An Pegasus guard came walking into view with my jacket, vest, ruck and helmet on. "I'm alien soldier, sent here to fight! It's OK that I'm dumber than Derpy the Mailmare, they said that this is a special mission, just for me!"

Let's see just how smart you are."

"Wait, come here, you have something in your mane."

He gave me a very suspicious look, but after a moment or two he proceeded to fly over. With him about a foot from the cage, I reached my hand out to his mane, and one to my vest pocket.

"Yeah, it's just a little mud or something, just lemme-"

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

I looked at the piece of his mane in my hand, it wasn't the only thing I took...

"Well it's out now, you're welcome!" I smiled at him.

I quickly put the small object from my vest into my pocket. Now just to wait for the right time.

About 30 more minutes down the road, the sun was setting fast. That was the last experience I had with those shit talking little motherfuckers. I seemed that now would be a good time to put the fruits of my labor to work. I withdrew the small Leatherman Multi-Tool, an iconic Ranger tool, and selected the awl. I inserted it into the key whole, and hit it with my fist. It gave way a tiny bit, but nothing really substantial. I looked around to make sure that no one was looking, and kicked it through. The lock basically shattered, but I made sure that it would still stay shut but could open with a little pressure.

"OK...3...2...1..."

I pushed it open, no one was around. Maybe they were sleeping, where ever they were they weren't here and that was the important thing. I climbed up on top of the cage to get a better vantage point on the situation. Seems that these are officially the WORST soldiers in the universe. They had one man awake, the guy pulling the cart. All the rest of them were sleeping in various positions in the cargo area. Shit, we would get castrated and have to eat our severed genitals if we got caught during unauthorized sleep. This was gonna be too easy. Their rucksacks weren't difficult to find, especially since they were sleeping. I looted them, and it really payed off, I found a compass and a map. I grabbed the gear of mine that that one pony was wearing, my knife and 1911 and hoped of the back of the wagon and ran over to some brush. I pulled out my dads lucky zippo, he gave it to me right before he passed. I keep this thing with me where ever I go. I lit it up and took a look at the map.

Ponyville...It'll be a cold day in hell before that will ever sound threatening, sounds like a good place to start...

"MOONLIGHT! WAKE UP! THE PRISONER HAS ESCAPED!"

"huh...what?..WHAT! SHIT, EVERYPONY! WAKE UP!"

"What! What's going on!?"

"THE PRISONER IS GONE! YOU IDIOTS! HOW COULD YOU FALL ASLEEP!"

"Staff Sargent! I found a note! It reads..."

Dear poorly disciplined soldiers,
If I wanted to, I could of killed you without waking a mouse.
Next time you're carrying a prisoner, don't fall asleep because
back where I'm from, that gets you what's called a "Blanket Party"
Sincerely, Pvt. Cole