“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Pretty please?”
“No.”
“Oh come on! I even brought the gun!”
“I’M NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU, ROCKHOOF!”
Sunset breathed heavily after this last outburst, and was forced to take a seat. The redheaded secret horse began massaging her temples with her fingers as a headache started to form. Across the table from her, with trusty shovel leaning against his chair, sat a literal giant of a man. His tired blue eyes looked at her searchingly as he waited patiently for their conversation to continue.
In the middle of the two, on the raised table, laid a nondescript handgun.
Rockhoof scratched his beard casually.
A vein popped out of Sunset’s forehead.
“This is crazy,” Sunset growled, pointing a finger at the soon to be murder weapon. “Where did you even get that, and how did you sneak it into this school?”
“I have my ways.”
“That doesn’t answer my question!”
“Well you haven’t answered mine.”
“I JUST SAID I’M NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU!”
“I know,” Rockhoof responded, pulling at his nose hairs. “But it sounded like quitter talk, so I ignored it.”
Sunset’s face grew bright red.
“Quitter talk?!” she roared, now standing back up fully. “You’re asking me to end your life! The only quitter here is you!”
“Maybe,” Rockhoof conceded briefly. “... from a certain point of view.”
“It is from all points of view,” Sunset snapped back, banging her hands down on the table. She then sighed. “Rockhoof, please… Aren’t we friends? Friends don’t ask friends for such difficult requests.”
“Rarity did.”
“THAT WAS ONE TIME AND WE SENT HER TO THERAPY FOR IT!” Sunset snorted. She then crossed her arms, pouted, and whispered dark things under her breath. “I swear, you spill your soda on that girl's latest creation one time and it’s the end of the flipping world with her…”
Rockhoof soon snorted as well. “Mistmane once had such outlandish reactions to minor inconveniences as well, lass. I’m sure it will fade in time… Just like me, but that’s not quick enough so come on, girly,” he bellowed, pointing his index fingers at his cranium. “Right between the eyes, please and thank ya'.”
“The only thing I’m putting right between your eyes is my freaking fist, dummy,” grumbled the young teen. “I’m taking you to therapy too.”
“Been there, done that,” Rockhoof reported. “Broke the quack’s chair and drove my shovel through his secretary! Haha!”
Sunset blinked.
“You… y-you mean drove it at his secretary... right?”
"..."
"... Rockhoof?"
“... Let’s just say I have other reasons to disappear and leave it at that.”
"..."
For the second time, Sunset rubbed her temples as she sighed.
“Implied manslaughter aside; why do you want to disappear, Rockhoof?” she asked, the concern evident in her voice. "Sure it’s been hard trying to find a place for you in our modern world, but you’ve seen from your friends that it’s not impossible!”
For the first time since his arrival to Canterlot High that day, Rockhoof looked honestly saddened.
“Aye,” he admitted. “Each of them have made it just fine in this strange, new, technological land of wonders. They have each found new careers to pursue, or new passions, but I don’t think there’s any place here for me… For goodness sake even Stygian was able to get back to having a normal life after it was all said and done! Not only that, but now he’s filthy stinking rich!”
“Yeah..." the almost college aged girl concurred. "The turnaround time from him writing his book and getting it turned into a movie trilogy was a little bit hard to believe. I guess Hollywood is officially out of ideas...”
“And that right there is another reason I should leave this mortal coil behind, Sunset!” Rockhoof begged as he banged the table lightly. "Surely you must be on my side in this respect!"
“Rockhoof, no,” Sunset pleaded desperately. “Think about all the friends you’ll be leaving behind. Think how sad you’ll be making us!”
“This is literally the first time we’ve spoken since you released me from the time prison,” he deadpanned.
“I-I’ve been busy.”
“I have a cellphone. I know how to text.”
“... Er… W-well think about how sad your fellow Pillars would be!”
“Most of us are already falling apart,” Rockhoof revealed. “Bodily, at least. Turns out magical stasis really messes up a person's internal organs. We’ve got about two years, tops. They all gave me their blessing.”
“Okay you have got to be making that up.”
“I swear upon my shovel that I'm telling you the truth!”
“Prove it!”
With an unamused raised eyebrow, Rockhoof whipped out a heavily cracked smartphone from his pocket. Gripping the device tightly, he raised it towards his lips and spoke a quick command of, “Siri? Please play my last voicemail message.”
“Processing…” chimed the device, before replaying a quick recorded passage.
“Hey Rockhoof! Hope you dropped dead!” cheerfully cried out the digitized duplicate of Flash Magnus' voice. “Or didn’t! Either's fine by me. If you’re still kickin', please make sure you return my shield when you can. I find it hard to sleep at night without it under my pillow… Thanks buddy! See you around! Or not! Whatever!”
With a loud beep, the message ended.
“Oh come on!” yelled Sunset. Her teeth were roughly grinding in her mouth as she fumed over the absurdity of it all
“Just do it already… You won’t feel a thing, little one!”
“That’s not the… ugh!”
Again Sunset sat down in her chair with a huff. The room remained quiet for a time as neither party spoke. Sunset’s eyes wandered to the distant gun on the table in this time. She would just need to lean over a little bit in order to grip it. It would take a little effort, but if she just bent over she coul-
Sunset jumped to her feet before she could complete the thought any further; distancing herself from the weapon as well for good measure.
“No,” she muttered. “No no no no! So you haven’t been good at finding a new job that works for you, and you can’t seem to adapt; but what about teaching? Remember when you and Twilight gave that a shot? I heard you were enjoying it before your shovel accidentally hit the fire alarm!”
“Ahhh yes,” Rockhoof reminisces. “That was enticing. The children were quite enamored by my tales of intrigue!”
“That transfer student, Yona, really seemed to enjoy it the most,” pointed out Sunset helpfully.
“The little Yakistani girl?” Rockhoof asked, to which Sunset nodded her head yes in confirmation. “The dear did seem to be hanging on each and every word…”
“She loved it,” the former unicorn emphasized, now having something to grasp onto. “And she would be absolutely devastated if you were to disappear one day!”
“Hmmm… You are right…”
“Of course I’m right, Rockhoof! In fact… if telling stories is what makes you happy, then maybe you should just keep doing just that!”
“Are you suggesting that I should become some sort of… Story Teller?”
Sunset couldn’t nod her head faster if she tried.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying! I don’t really know what the other you does on the other side of the portal, but you can certainly give that a try!”
Rockhoof grew silent.
“... Miss Sunset,” the large man began to say. “I know what must be done, in this world, in order for one to become such a thing. Stygian shared with me what his own similar journey entitled, and it is not for the faint of heart." He then shuttered. "I don’t think I have the courage within me to follow such a dark path.”
Once again frustrated, Sunset threw her arms up into the air and wailed, “What?! What could you possibly be afraid of more than death itself?!”
“The internet.”
Sunset had no response.
“Stygian started off as something called a ‘Blogger’, Sunset,” the man explained. “I know I don’t have the strength of heart and mind to become the same sort of monster. I mean… have you ever been on the internet, missie?”
"..."
It was at this point that Sunset Shimmer knew that there was no hope left for saving her friend.
Sitting down defeated in her chair, Sunset allowed her long hair to cover her eyes as she laid her head down on the table’s smooth surface. “Why?” she eventually asked the man. She trained a single eye on him as she asked her question again. “Why… me?”
“You are not the first person I have asked to take on this great burden, Sunset,” Rockhoof explained, again rubbing his chin. “I had asked little Twilight initially, thinking that with her scientific mind she would be the easiest to convince, but the methods she suggested were inhuman in my eyes. Miss Applejack was who I asked second, as I felt a closer connection to her than the rest of you due to our shared nature and Elements... but she insisted on using an old, rusty looking shotgun for the deed above all else. Something about ‘tradition’.”
He then gestured a hand over to the gun still lying in front of him on the table.
“My weapon is less… messy.”
“... Both of them were willing to kill you?” Sunset asked in disbelief.
“Indeed... In all honesty, you have been the most difficult to convince of the three I've asked.”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE ASKING ME TO MURDER YOU!” Sunset screamed, tears now flowing from her eyes. “Why are you making us do this?!”
Rockhoof wiggled his fingers in front of her in response.
“My fingies are too big for the trigger,” he answered simply.
“THEN DO IT SOME OTHER WAY!!”
“No can do, little one,” the man sighed. “It’s just not in my nature. My life must end in the hands of another; that is the only way I’ll accept it.”
“This… t-this isn’t right,” Sunset sniffed loudly. “There has to be another way; something else you can do in this world to be happ-”
Suddenly, a brilliant idea entered her mind.
“This world…” she repeated. “In… this world! That’s it! Rockhoof!” Sunset bounced back to her feet, and pointed a finger at the downtrodden man. “Equestria! If you can’t find your happiness here, then you can do it in Equestria! Your other half is still alive and kicking over there, according the Princess Twilight, so I’m sure we’ll be able to find a way for you to not only live longer, but to also be happy!”
Rockhoof didn’t rise to meet Sunset’s new cheer. Instead he remained seated and narrowed his eyes at the mere suggestion.
“Sunset…” he started to rumble. “While I appreciate the suggestion, I’m afraid that such an idea would never work for me.”
“W… w-why not?” the girl asked, flabbergasted.
Without raising his voice, and without breaking eye contact with Sunset; Rockhoof stated plainly and clearly that
“I think ponies are gay.”
BANG!!!
Sunset blinked in surprise as the gun, which had been across the room from her the entire time, somehow found its way into her outstretched hand and had fired.
This killed Rockhoof instantly.
“Oh sweet Celestia,” the scared girl gasped, raising a shaking hand to her lips. “T-that… that…
“... That was close.”
The door to the break-room then opened up, allowing a younger student’s head to take a quick peak inside.
“Yona heard something,” the student with the long brown braids reported, taking a step into the room. “Yona think it sounded like soda can burs-” She then gasped. “R-rockhoof?!”
Now acutely aware of the smoking gun in her grip, Sunset lowered both the weapon and her head down in shame. “I… I’m sorry, Yona. He… h-he asked me to do it…” She then broke down completely. “He was so sad a-and… and…”
“Yona say that Sunset not worry.”
Fighting back her tears, Sunset directed her attention towards the young girl. “B-because he’s no longer sad and is in a better place?” she asked.
But Yona shook her head from side to side in response.
“No. Sunset no worry..."
The young foreign student then proceeded to pick up Rockhoof's now discarded shovel, and cheerfully sling it over her large shoulders.
"... because Yakistanis are best at hiding bodies!”
