Why did his mouth taste like kumquats?
And why couldn’t he feel his appendix?
…Wait a minute, that didn’t make any sense.
Flash groaned, his eyes refusing to open no matter how much he told them it was time to wake up. His body was completely numb, unable to move or even tell him how his limbs were positioned. Was he leaning against something? It felt like he was sitting up, but he couldn’t really tell.
And if he was just waking up from unconsciousness, why was he sitting up anyway? Had he fallen asleep in Twilight's comfy chair again?
No, wait, that chair had been ruined, and you would probably remember falling asleep like that…right? he thought. Well, you would unless you had been knocked unconscious by that tome again. You know, the one bigger than Spike?
But…no, his head didn’t hurt enough for it to be a giant book.
So what had hit him?
Did he get party cannoned too hard again? That might explain the kumquats.
“Bo— he’s wa—ng up!” a voice called out, though it sounded very far away and Flash couldn’t hear most of what was being said. Were his ears numb too? Or was this because his mind still felt like it was moving slower than Rainbow’s pet turtle?
“Tortoise,” an imaginary Fluttershy corrected in his brain, pointing to an imaginary poster board explaining the difference.
Well, if he was hallucinating imaginary Fluttershys, then maybe his brain was broken.
Ehhh…Twilight could probably help him.
“Let h…He’s h—”
Oh yay, the voices are back. And I still can’t understand a darn thing.
Dang, this was annoying.
Maybe he could speed this up if he tried moving? Getting his blood flowing couldn’t hurt, could it?
It was worth a shot, at least.
Flash tried to extend his wings, but they got caught on something.
No, scratch that. He couldn’t move them at all. Even with his remaining numbness, he could tell that there was something thick and tight binding his wings to his sides.
That could not be a good sign.
Ok, ok, easy, Flash. You can’t move your wings. That is bad, but panicking won’t help. Twilight is proof of that already. Just stay calm, breath, and try and take stock of your situation.
Standard guard training: waking up in a uncertain situation? Take a run-through of your body parts to make sure they’re still attached, or at least not broken. Flash had practiced it enough times that he could do it in his sleep.
Head? Capable of turning from one side to the other, but there was something around his neck. It at least wasn’t cutting off his air. Also, annoying headache that makes it harder to focus, but seems to be lessening with each passing minute.
Forelegs and hindlegs? Completely immobile. His forelegs were pulled behind his back for good measure, too.
Torso? Unable to be pulled away from whatever he was sitting against, even to fall over.
Yep, definitely not a good sign.
So let’s see. I was unconscious, I now am tied to something, and Twilight isn’t gently prodding me to see if I’m awake like she usually does whenever I am accidentally knocked unconscious by something. Either I’m tied to a table with streamers because of one of Pinkie’s party mishaps, or I’m tied up by somepony far less friendly.
Please let this be a prank that Rainbow has taken way too far?
Please?
At least the numbness was finally starting to go away a little bit, but given how he couldn’t move, this might not last for very long. Groaning again, Flash pushed past his exhaustion and finally managed to crack his eyes open.
GAH! Stupid sun!
He rolled his head in the other direction, which thankfully stopped the sun from shining right into his eyes. Unfortunately, all he could see was this massive blob of random colors that was spinning in all directions.
UUUUUUGGGGGHHHH. Don’t vomit, don’t vomit…
Is this what it felt like to have a concussion? Or maybe a migraine? Did he currently have either of those things? He honestly wasn't sure, but he knew he was in no condition to fight right now.
Crap.
He blinked a few times to try and clear his vision.
Soon, the large blob began to clear and separated into various groups of colored blobs. But then he saw a big crate-shaped blob with a large version of Pinkie’s cutie mark painted on it and he knew just where he was.
He was inside Ponyville Warehouse 3, the one where Pinkie had all of her party supplies delivered before she would transport them down to her party cave. He and Twilight had once helped her carry them after she had ordered ten too many boxes of cake mix. He wasn’t even sure HOW they had been roped into such a ridiculous scheme, or how he had somehow ended up with a fully completed cake sitting perfectly on his head.
Ok, less trying to understand the impossible, more focusing on why I’m here.
Late evening sunshine poured through the upper windows that lined the warehouse, casting the room in the dark orange and gold light of the setting sun. And in front of him were at least ten moving blobs that were, more likely than not, ponies.
Specifically, the ponies that were probably the ones that put him here.
And upon glancing down, Flash’s vision cleared up just enough so that he could confirm that he was, in fact, tied up. Rather excessively, in his opinion. His chest was almost completely covered in thick rope and he was pretty sure that there was another layer UNDER that just to make sure that he couldn’t use his wings if he escaped the first one. His legs were bound in metal restraining cuffs that completely covered his leg joints, meaning that he could even bend his legs while wearing them.
And he was just barely able to make out a metal collar bound to his throat.
“Well…buck…” Flash muttered, his mouth uncomfortably dry. He closed his eyes, managed to pull his head up, and bonked it on the object he was tied to in frustration.
He, the princess’s guard captain, had in fact been kidnapped.
Oh, the irony was so thick he was certain that Pinkie could cut it with a knife if she was here.
“Evening, Sunshine,” a gruff voice chuckled, making Flash groan and open one eye. Standing in front of him was a grey unicorn. He had a brown mane, brown eyes, and was wearing a black jacked and black pants that hid his cutie mark. He also had a small scar over top his left eye and was wearing a wicked grin that basically screamed ‘I am the evil leader. BAHAHAHAHA!’
“You know, I was secretly still hoping this was a prank,” Flash muttered, rolling his head around to try and loosen his neck muscles as the jerk in front of him smirked wider. “So let me guess…You want my autograph?”
“A comedian, eh?” the unicorn chuckled, earning a few laughs from ponies Flash couldn’t see. “Sorry to disappoint you, Mister Guard Pony, but we ain’t here for you. Just need you outta the way for a while. Don’t worry, I’m sure somepony will find you once our business is concluded.”
Well, what do you know? This guy even TALKS like an evil villain. Though maybe a bit more like a mob boss than an ancient evil bent on world destruction. At least he doesn’t talk like a noble, otherwise he would be insulting my heritage every ten seconds!
Well, he would if he were an obnoxious tribalist one, anyway. But given how he’s kidnapped me and all, I think it’s safe to assume he would be.
“If you want to see Princess Twilight, you need to make an appointment,” Flash said, easily guessing who they were after, because really, who ELSE would they be after? Spike was popular in the crystal empire, but not THAT popular. “Wait times are two days to a week and are subject to delay due to random friendship problems, magic beast attacks, princessly duties, ancient evils coming back because it’s Tuesday, and Pinkie Pie/Discord shenanigans.”
“Shut yer pie hole!” the unicorn spat, glaring daggers as he got right in Flash’s face. “You think this is some sort of joke!? Yer here, at our mercy, and yer precious little princess will soon be ours too!”
“You do realize she is in a magic crystal castle right now surrounded by at least twenty or more other guards, right?” Flash asked, only to be socked in the jaw the thug’s hoof.
Ow…Flash thought as his vision momentarily swam before refocusing. Actually, that may have been just what he needed — his vision was now clear enough that things were no longer blurry and his headache, while worse for a few seconds, actually seemed to lessen once he recovered.
Thank you, adrenaline.
“Now, see, that’s just rude,” he said, shaking off the hit. He had been socked by fully-trained earth ponies before, so a punch from a basic unicorn wasn’t really more than a love tap. “I was just pointing out the obvious.”
“Good thing we’ve got FORTY ponies here!” somepony else yelled. The unicorn in front of Flash finally stepped back so that the pegasus could see the entire warehouse. The crates with Pinkie’s party supplies were stacked off to his left and the entrance to the warehouse was to the right, in the form of freakishly huge metal doors. In front of him were at least thirty ponies all dressed just like the unicorn in front of him.
Just in case it wasn’t obvious that they were all working together.
Many of them were watching Flash with amused, overconfident expressions, though a few continued to tinker with crossbows, swords, and…did that one really have a giant red hammer? Seriously?
“Well, pretty boy? Any little quips now?” the grey unicorn asked, grinning triumphantly.
Buck. This is bad. Training or not, there’s no way I can take out this many ponies, even if I can get free. And if they go for Twili—
Flash blinked.
He suddenly remembered what today was, and what he had been doing before this.
It was his second anniversary with Twilight, and he had been walking out of town to set things up for their date. And if he was here, it meant he wasn’t back at the Castle picking her up for their date.
“…Couldn’t this have waited until tomorrow?” Flash asked after a moment, causing the ponies’ expressions of victory to be replaced with ones of confusion. “I mean, seriously, it’s my two-year anniversary…Wait, what day is it? I haven’t been unconscious for a few days have I!?” If he had been out for more than a day and his absence still hadn't been noticed, then things were far worse than he thought.
“Naa, it’s only seven forty-three,” a red pegasus stallion said, looking up from a crossbow that he was tweaking. “You’ve only been out for a few hours. Didn’t want our window to slip away from us.”
Only seven forty-three? Nice to know he hadn’t been unconscious for a few days. And that he was well and truly late for his date for the first time since he started dating Twilight. Which meant she had likely noticed he was missing by now, and had begun searching for him.
Flash almost felt bad for his kidnappers given how Twilight would likely react when she found him tied up.
Almost…
“Thank you,” Flash said earnestly. “And for that, I’ll tell Twilight to go easy on you.”
“Huh?”
A bit earlier…
14:58, 14:59, 15:00.
Twilight’s face became hard as she starred at the timer she had teleported in from the kitchen.
Fifteen minutes. Flash Sentry, the pony who had never been late for a date, who she had just seen earlier at lunch before sending him off for the second half of the day with a kiss, was now late for their most important night of the year.
Their two-year anniversary.
Something was wrong.
“Gleaming Shield,” she said, addressing the female guard standing at the entrance to the library. “Call all guards, even those currently off duty.”
“Princess?”
“I feel that something is wrong. I may be acting paranoid, but it’s better to be safe then sorry.”
The present…
“I said, I’ll tell Twilight to go easy on you when she inevitably shows up here,” Flash said, smiling the most joyful smile he could muster. “After all, it’s been almost forty five minutes since I was supposed to meet Twilight for our date, so chances are she will be here…any minute now.”
That earned a laugh from the grey unicorn that Flash decided to call Punchy to keep from getting him mixed up with the three other grey unicorns nearby. “You ain’t got no armor, bud,” he said, smirking. “And I checked ya for any tracking spells. Little Miss Princess ain’t got no clue where you are.”
“So add maybe two…three minutes to my time, then expect her to show up anyway,” Flash said, still grinning. “Also, I need to ask, how exactly DID you get me? I don’t remember there being any magic.” The only thing he remembered was walking down the street out of town, then a slight pinch on his neck, and then darkness.
“And furthermore,” he continued, “why go for me at all? Couldn’t you have just taken me out when you went for Twilight? Why did you need a window? And how does kidnapping me help you go window shopping?”
“Huh?” A random blue earth pony that Flash decided to call Pumpernickel asked in confusion.
“You needed a window. So you’re going window shopping, right? Might I suggest getting a big glass window depicting a significant event in your life? Canterlot Castle has a whole hallway of those, and their really quite pretty.” Flash said, unable to stop grinning as many of the kidnappers groaned and Punchy socked Flash again.
Hey, Pumpernickel asked. He just gave the answer.
“He was REFERRING to a window of opportunity, you moron. With you missing, the princess will panic and send all her guards out on a search, allowing us the perfect time to strike while she’s alone,” another voice said, drawing Flash’s attention and annoyance.
Oh great, evil gloating, and possibly monologging. Ugh, someone knock me out again, please. It won’t even matter if they tell me their whole plan because I'm stuck here and can’t stop it, so unless they’re going to tell me who they're working for, this is just wasting more time.
Not that I even need to escape, but still! I don't need to deal with your gloating right now whoever you are!
Turning his head slightly, Flash saw a green unicorn work her way out from the crowd as the thugs continued to watch the show. “As for how we got you, I just had to use a little zebra alchemy,” the mare continued, smirking. Said green unicorn mare had a rather frizzy mane, orange eyes, and was wearing a belt with what looked like a large number of blow darts.
Ooohhhhhh. The pinch was a blow dart! Probably laced with something to knock me out. Darn, that’s actually really clever! I was unarmored, and nopony uses blow darts any more so I was never trained in how to protect myself from them! Not bad.
Also, thank CELESTIA! I’m probably not concussed after all! It’s just the stupid tranquilizer or whatever-it-is. Or at least, I hope it is. It would explain why my headache is gone thought…
You know what, I’ll worry about that when I am not tied up in the middle of a warehouse sounded by evil ponies trying to kidnap my marefriend.
“Blow darts,” Flash said, blinking in surprise as he finally pulled himself from his internal thoughts. “I’ll admit, they don’t train us for that.” The mare smirked at the praise. “But again? Why me?”
Wait a minute. If their waiting for Twilight to panic, why are they STILL WAITING? If Twilight was going to panic, she would have done so by now given how late I am for my date. What, do they think she just hasn’t noticed I’m missing, or that I’m running late, or that she somehow needs a few hours to work herself up into a good panic?
Hahahahahahahahah, trust me guys, if your window hasn't already appeared, they chances are Twilight’s already hot on your trail and has replaced her panic with determination to solve the problem presented to her.
Which in this case means finding me in any way necessary, and then magicing you all the way to the moon once she realizes you kidnapped me. So you’re all probably doomed.
Not that I need to tell them that…
“Because you’re the only problem standing in our way,” the red pegasus, now named Mr. Mercy, said, finally reassembling the crossbow and slinging it over his back, prompting Flash’s internal laughter to pause momentarily.
“Huh?” Flash said, utterly dumbfounded. Yes, sure, ok, he could be a problem to their plans to kidnap or do whatever it was they were going to do to Twilight. Heck, that was probably in his job description.
But the ONLY problem?
“We can’t exactly have ‘The Noble’s Scourge’ making a mess of things,” the green unicorn who Flash decided to call Smirky said, smiling wickedly.
Now Flash understood.
Ever since the Gala, Flash had developed two separate reputations. Among the more traditional (aka tribalist, high-nosed, snobby) nobles, he had come to be called ‘The Noble’s Scourge,’ a name first coined in a whack-job political paper. Apparently, he was one of the most dangerous ponies in Equestria due to his link to Twilight and the other princesses, and was considered by some to be the only thing standing between the nobles and their chances to persuade Twilight to their point of view.
Of course, this idea also ignored the problems of common sense, logic, consideration for the common pony, and the legal limits on Twilight’s powers in the government.
Though Flash did admit that he HAD lived up to his reputation on more than one occasion when some particularly bad nobles attempted to bully Twilight into doing what they wanted, but he would have stopped them if they had tried that with ANY of the princesses.
Not to mention that this paper had also claimed he was a changeling, a servant of some sort of Nightmare Moon cult, and a vampire that had hypnotized Princess Twilight with his ‘EVIL MAGIC!’
Sure, he WAS handsome, but saying that he was supernaturally attractive and that he could somehow hypnotize ponies with his looks was just Pinkie levels of silliness.
The only reason he knew about this at all was because Fancy Pants had brought the paper with him on several of his visits to Ponyville so that Flash and Twilight could be kept in the know. Flash had actually found the whole thing hilarious (at least until now). And it had been quite the contrast to the other articles he had seen.
Discord had apparently leaked Flash’s actions against Bull Horn to the public before an official statement could be released, resulting in him earning astounding praise from almost all of Equestria, including from the not-at-all-bad-but-occasionally-a-bit-annoying nobles. In fact, ‘The Canterlot Times’ had given him a different, much more fitting name, at least according to Twilight.
‘The People’s Sentry.’
Twilight was seen as ‘The People’s Princess.’ She was a common pony who had been taken in by Celestia, trained, and then given a crown once she had proven herself worthy. And even after getting it, she had continued to try and make friends, to solve friendship problems, and just make Equestria a happier place overall. She wasn't like Celestia, Luna, or even Cadence (to an extent), all of whom were viewed by the public as far above the common pony, no matter how hard they tried to claim otherwise.
She maintained her roots and never let anyone see themselves as below her, or unworthy to talk to her and ask her for help regardless of her position or her connection to Celestia and Luna. It was just one of the reasons Flash loved her so much.
So it made some sense that her protector/coltfriend would then be considered not only HER defender, but the defender of everything she represented, hence the name. He was the defender of ‘The People’s Princess,’ and as such, a protector of the people.
And Flash actually liked the name. Sure, he would still protect Twilight with his life even without it, but it felt like he was being recognized for his efforts. Something that pushed him to work even harder day in and day out.
But both of these nicknames did bring up a valid point. Flash was the most likely one to be protecting Twilight at any given time, and he would be the one to organize any search-and-rescue operations that might take place, though he was certain his second- and third-in-command could cover for him if need be. Sure, he WAS just one pony, but chances were that if you tried to mess with the princess, you would have to go through him to do it.
“So you came for me first?” Flash asked. “Instead of just, you know, going for the princess when I wasn’t around?”
“You have quite the reputation for causing trouble,” Smirky answered, smirking at Flash, because what else would she do? “Always messing with other ponies’ business, always by the princess’s side, always so protective.”
Well yeah, I’m her GUARD. It’s my JOB to be protective, to be by her side, and to know the business of other ponies that want to meet her. Especially if said ponies want to try and force her or maybe even somehow blackmail her into doing what they want. Like that one pony that wanted to try rummaging through Twilight’s room so he could find the ‘next big scoop’ on the princess.
What. An. Idiot.
“We knew you would come for us once we had the princess to ourselves, so we decided to just take you out of the equation all together. That way, by the time you’re free, we’d be long gone,” Smirky continued.
“Plus, without you, the princess is as good as ours,” Punchy laughed. “Yer little guards can’t stop us, and once they’re taken care of, she’ll be helpless.”
For a brief second, Flash was certain he could hear his own brain breaking in shock and he greatly wished he could face-hoof with both of his forehoofs repeatedly.
Ok, first off, you’ve already said that with me here you’ll be able to overpower the rest of the guards and take Twilight without any problems. You won’t, obviously, but you’re kinda just repeating yourself right now. Is your monolog button stuck? Did we reach the end of the record and have the needle skip back to the beginning of this rant?
Second, it’s lines like ‘she’ll be helpless’ that not only make me question your intelligence, but also make me wonder if this still might just be a prank. I will admit, I am strong, and taking me out of the equation DOES show some level of intelligence as it does make Twilight less safe, but you ponies are seriously overestimating MY strength and GREATLY underestimating my guards’ strength. Not to mention how you don’t seem to realize that TWILIGHT CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF!
Seriously, she is the ELEMENT OF MAGIC, trained and practically raised by PRINCESS BUCKING CELESTIA! She’s fought changelings, Discord…SHE GOT TACKLED THROUGH THE SIDE OF A FREAKING MOUNTAIN WHILE FIGHTING TIREK!!!
And you think that just because you capture her guard captain that suddenly she’s going to just suddenly roll over and give up? What, do you think she’s just at home crying and panicking right now? Yes, she might panic a little bit, but then she will become determined to find me and Luna help you if you try and stop her.
And now I’M repeating my own internal thought. Oh dear Celestia, it’s CONTAGIOUS! I gotta find a way to break the cycle, QUICK!
Ummmmm…OH! I GOT IT!
“Ten bits says she rips those doors off their hinges and then proceeded to kick your flanks to Canterlot and back,” Flash said with a perfect deadpan, nodding his head towards the large entrance doors.
His only response was another punch to the face.
Ow…That one actually hurt a little. Too bad I’ve been taught to endure situations like this. Thank you, captain training.
“Must you be so rude? I’m just trying to have a civil discussion,” Flash said, earning a heated glare from Punchy, the unicorn that just loved to punch him for some reason.
“It’s times like this that I wish the herb I used to make my sleeping dart wasn’t so gosh darn expensive,” Smirky muttered, fiddling with her dart straps. “They maybe we wouldn’t have to listen to his annoying prattling.”
You only brought the ONE dart? And you used it on ME instead of the ACTUAL target of your kidnapping?
Also, HEY!!!
“Excuse you, I am HILARIOUS!” Flash said, sounding as offended as he could.
“You’re insane,” Mr. Mercy said with a deadpan stare.
“No, I am MENTALLY hilarious,” Flash said, causing Mr. Mercy to groan and double face-hoof.
“Seriously, your quoting gift shop magnets now?”
“Ponyville has a gift shop?” a purple pony Flash decided to call Smirky-two back near the rest of the group asked in confusion.
“Yes, it does,” Flash said, nodding as best he could. “Pinkie took me in there so I could get an ‘I Survived My First Everfree Monster Attack’ mug after I helped drive off a lone timber wolf.”
“Of course you did…”
“WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!” Punchy screamed.
A few minutes prior…
Twilight glared at the three offending objects currently held in her magic, all of which had been found abandoned in a bush near the edge of town.
The first was a large picnic basket, filled with all of Twilight and Flash’s favorite foods and desserts, along with an expensive box of chocolates shaped like a heart.
The second was a high-powered telescope, perfect for viewing the stars on a clear night. It had a large bow on top and a small card addressed to her. The optical tube was slightly dented, telling her it had been dropped to the ground roughly.
The third, and likely the most important, object was a single orange feather. It was a new feather, small and covered in blood at the tip as it was still not fully grown and thus was still connected to the blood vessels that helped it grow. Removing one of these was painful, and certainly not something that would happen on accident.
If Flash had just gotten a little too excited and had crashed mid-flight, then it was possible that the feather in her hold would have come loose, but according to the guards, there was no signs of broken branches or displaced dirt. Instead, all that they had found was a small dart, coated in a sleep agent Twilight had learned about from Zecora.
“Princess?” Gleaming Shield asked, looking concerned. “Should we begin a full search and rescue?”
“Yes, and I will be joining you,” Twilight said, levitating the picnic basket and the telescope over to a nearby picnic table as she continued to give a death glare to the bloody feather. “We’re going to get him back.”
She lifted her hoof and allowed the feather to come to rest on it. Eyes glowing with power, Twilight cast a highly advanced spell that Celestia had taught her years ago.
Slowly, the feather spun, around and around until at last, it came to a stop, the sharp end of the feather pointing to the left. Twilight spun her body, yet the feather remained pointing in the desired direction, just like that of a compass needle.
Back at the present…
Ow…
Flash groaned as Punchy socked him again, this time in the stomach. It was cushioned a little by all the ropes, but it still hurt quite a bit.
“Is this all just a game to you!?” Punchy yelled, spit flying from his mouth.
“Five, four, three, two, one, NOW!” Flash exclaimed, causing Mr. Mercy to facehoof yet again. “Darn, I actually though she would be here be now.”
He smirked playfully, prompting Punchy’s left eye to start twitching. Meanwhile, Smirky just rolled her eyes and turned back to the weapons she had been organizing.
“Five, four, COME ON, three, two, one, HOW ABOUT NOW?”
His cheers were still not greeted by the sound of an unstoppable alicorn ripping the doors off the warehouse.
Darn, he really had to work on his ti—
BLAM!
Punchy had turned around and bucked Flash in the face with both of his hind hooves.
The world flashed white with a hot spike of pain. Sound vanished only to be replaced by a loud ringing and his stomach voiced its protest as a wave of nausea washed over him.
Ok…that one really hurt…I might be concussed for real now…
Flash groaned as his vision swam, his head going limp as he tried to get his bearings. He could feel throbbing and swelling just below his eye and something hot and sticky was starting to run down his face. He could taste blood as well, though he couldn't tell if it was because his mouth was bleeding or his nose was.
Maybe it was both.
Both really hurt, too.
With a strong tug, Punchy grabbed Flash by the mane and yanked his head forward again. Flash couldn’t see out of his right eye and his left wasn’t focusing properly, but he still had enough of his vision to see that his captor was officially pissed off.
“Since you see to be too much of an IDIOT to understand your situation, I am going to spell this out nice and slow for you,” Punchy growled in a tone that would impress a diamond dog, the ringing in Flash’s ears dying down just enough for him to make out the angry unicorn’s words.
“You are trapped here, with no way out. In less than an hour, my ponies will go to the castle and capture your pathetic little princess. Then, you will watch as we drag her away, never to be seen again as you sit here helplessly until somepony finds your sorry flank. Then, you will need to explain to the world how you failed to do your duty and protect the princess, all while knowing that you couldn’t save the love of your life.
“Get it, airhead? You lose, and we win. End. Of. Story.”
You really think you can capture her? She’s the one whose solution is ‘If magic and friendship doesn’t work, try more magic and friendship! And if that fails, use the magic rainbow laser of SUPER FRIENDSHIP!!!’
Flash was concerned about Punchy and what the unicorn might try and do to him, but between the massive headache, the numb limbs, the ringing in his ears, the nausea, and the fact that Twilight was still coming for him, Flash found it hard to voice or even focus on those concerns for more than a few seconds at a time.
Maybe that concussion was worse than he thought…
“Three…Four…” Flash said, pausing to spit a bit of the blood out of his mouth. Punchy glared even harder somehow and pulled his hoof back—
—just as a bright purple glow surrounded the main entrance doors.
“FIVEFOURTHREETWOONE—”
CREEEAK!
BLAM!!!
Every one of the kidnapers jumped as the massive metal door that sealed the main entrance of the warehouse suddenly bent outwards with a loud creak before being violent torn from its hinges and send flying backwards. It landed with a loud crash, sending a small explosion of dirt to billow into the warehouse.
But their eyes weren't on that.
No, their eyes were now on the purple alicorn with the glowing white eyes, the flowing magical mane, and the horn so bright it looked almost like a miniature sun.
She was standing in a battle stance, her head low and her wings spread threateningly. And yet, she still looked just as beautiful as ever.
Focus…
“Give. Me. Back. My. Coltfriend.” Twilight growled, her voice reverberating with power. And yet, before things exploded completely, Flash had one last thing to say.
“Hey Twilight,” Flash slurred in what he assumed to be a drunken sounding voice. “I told this red pegasus you would go easy on him,” he called, nodding towards the now terrified form of Mr. Mercy cowering next to him.
Or at least he thought it was Mr. Mercy. It was hard to tell when there were two of him.
“Noted.” Twilight said.
And then all Tartarus broke loose.
Many of the nearby windows exploded inwards as The Twilight Guard’s pegesi force burst through them, catching the kidnappers by surprise. A series of bangs echoed throughout the warehouse, and Flash heard the sound of the unicorn and earth pony guards bursting in through the side doors around the warehouse to cut off the thugs’ escape. Meanwhile, Twilight let her first spell loose, catching three ponies in a blast of magic that sent them flying into nearby crates.
I told them Twilight would show up, but nooooo. No pony ever listens to the captive guard captain. Flash thought, smiling as he watched Punchy try and coordinate his ponies, only to be turned into a potted pine tree by one of Twilight’s spells.
He SOOOOOOO had that one coming.
A few of the kidnappers were able to join together and tried to fire their crossbows at the guards rushing in through the back of the warehouse. Flash watched them, shaking his head and wincing when his wounds throbbed. Did they think they could get enough of an opening to escape?
Twilight saw right through them.
The crossbow bolts became pickles and the crossbows themselves became oranges. Flash laughed. Was Twilight hungry? She always seemed to use more food-based spells when she was.
Oh look, the ponies without weapons are now all trapped in a giant magic bubble to keep them out of the way and disable them. There goes six of your forty ponies, sir I’m-a-villain.
And you actually thought you could take her down.
Between the guards and Twilight, all the kidnappers were all disabled after about only a minute. All except for Mr. Mercy, who had ducked behind whatever Flash was tied to. As Twilight approached him, eyes still glowing, he chucked his crossbow away, probably to make sure she knew he was giving up.
“I’ll be honest, I hate working for these guys, they are so weird,” Mr. Mercy admitted as he walked out in front of Flash with his forelegs and wings up in surrender. A quick spell later, and he was wearing a pair of hoof-cuffs and wing-cuffs. Flash tried not to chuckle at the look of discomfort on the pegasus’s face.
Cheer up, dude. Most of the others are unconscious/inanimate objects/trapped in a giant magic bubble. You got off easy.
Twilight took a deep breath in through her nose and let it out through her mouth. Her eyes returned to normal, her mane calmed down, and her horn’s light died out. Then she slammed into Flash, squeezing him through the ropes and restraints as the guards moved to clean up the mess.
“Flash! Oh, thank Celestia I found you,” she said, tears starting to form in her beautiful amethyst eyes. With a wave of her horn, she sliced through all the ropes, broke the leg binder in half, and detached the cuff around his neck. Though Flash before could enjoy this much-needed freedom, he was pulled into a full body bear hug by his marefriend.
Despite the force of the hug and the fact that his limbs were still mostly numb from lack of movement, Flash did his best to return the hug, no matter how much it hurt. Just being able to hold her was a good distraction anyway.
“Sorry I was late for our date,” Flash said, giving her a small smile. “I got a little tied up.”
Twilight groaned, still crying, but didn’t release her hold. Flash could tell that she would be face-hoofing if she wasn’t still concerned on hugging him so much.
“Oh, shush,” she muttered, relaxing her grip a bit and moving him so that his injured head was now resting against the soft fur of her chest. “I knew something was wrong when you didn’t show up, and even more so when we found your gift for me.”
“You found the telescope?” Flash asked, now unable to see at all since his face was buried in his marefriend’s chest.
Not that he minded.
“Yes. It was a little bit dented, but I can fix it with a spell when we get back.”
“Good idea. And we can go back once my legs aren’t so numb, and when I can see out of my left eye again, and when I can tell which of the three of you are actually the real Twilight…Okey, I think I might need to go to the hospital.” Flash admitted, closing his eyes and simply trying to enjoy the feeling of being held by the most wonderful mare in the world. Though it would be much more pleasurable if his headache, ears, and stomach weren't still making their unhappiness known.
Darn you, concussion. Your interrupting my snuggle time.
“I know you do, but I’m not going home until you are, so I’ll be with you the whole time.” Twilight said, giving Flash a quick kiss on the head.
“I wouldn’t mind that at all.”
One week later…
Flash sighed as he leaned up against Twilight. The two of them were currently relaxing atop one of Ponyville’s many hills, enjoying a picnic under the starlight as Twilight excitedly played with her new telescope. Sure, his eye was still bandaged, and he still had a minor headache from that buck to the face, but his mouth, nose, and legs were all healed, so the doc said he would be fine in a day or two so long as he took things slow. Given how he had spent most of the last week confined to a hospital bed, he was glad things were almost back to normal.
And he would still be just as handsome as he was before this whole incident, so between that and the fact that he and Twilight would be ok, it was safe to say it all worked out.
Those ponies though. Those kidnappers. Flash still couldn’t believe just how crazy their plan was, or who their boss was.
Apparently, they had been hired by a crime family in Manehattan to kidnap Twilight so they could use her as some sort of leverage to make sure the guards wouldn’t bother them. Which was utterly stupid not only because they had now drawn the full force of the crown down on their heads, but also because Flash didn’t even KNOW Manehattan had crime families in the first place. And because they honestly thought their plan would work.
They hadn’t even brought any horn restraints because they thought the presence of forty armed ponies would be enough to deter Twilight from even trying to fight back. Which, ok, MAY have POSSIBLY been enough to kidnap another young alicorn who wasn't nearly as talented at magic as Twilight, but in this case, and given all that Twilight had accomplished, no. It was never going to work.
Talk about overconfident.
Though, according to Mr. Mercy, (or Red Comet, his real name), Flash was actually rather lucky. Given how much of a firestorm Twilight’s kidnapping would have caused, the crime family had given the kidnappers direct orders to leave him alive, partly so his death wouldn’t draw even more attention to Twilight’s kidnapping, and partly because they thought they could get him to keep the rest of Equestria off their trail by intimidating/bribing/blackmailing him.
That or they thought they could pin the kidnapping on his failure as a guard captain.
Either way, and he couldn’t believe he was saying this, he was actually very glad that they thought they could buy him off like that. It probably saved his life.
“Boop,” Twilight said, prompting Flash to blink and look down at the hoof now booping him on the nose. “Equestria to Flash, come in Flash.” She giggled as Flash blushed slightly.
“Sorry, Twilight, I was just thinking. What were you saying?”
“I was just thanking you for such a nice telescope. It was really very thoughtful of you to get this for me, especially given how expensive these things are.”
“Your dad got me a discount,” Flash said, smiling up at his ecstatic-looking marefriend. “I wanted to make our anniversary as special as I could.”
“It was certainly eventful, if nothing else,” she said, pausing to lean down and capture his lips in a quick kiss. “Though let’s both agree to try and have a more…relaxing anniversary next year if we can.”
“I shall do my best,” Flash said with a mock salute. “Just so long as it’s not on a Tuesday, we should be fine.”
That got a playful groan from Twilight.
“For the last time, Flash, there is nothing different about Tuesdays compared to any other day of the week.”
“I beg to differ,” Flash said, smirking playfully. “There was Starlight Glimmer, the timberwolf, the Gala, the…”
On and on he went, smiling inside as Twilight continued to deny the evil that was Tuesday.
And so the two of them continued their starlit date, recovering from the events of the previous day thanks to the love and support of one another. This might not be their last hurdle to overcome, but Flash knew that together, they would overcome anything.
Author's Note
How did I come up with this idea? Well, during the first week of July I went on vacation and ended up buying a magnet that said "Insane? I prefer the term Mentally Hilarious." My lovely Girlfriend/Editor pointed it out, I loved it beyond all reasonable doubt, bought it, and then this just...kinda happened over the course of a weekend.
And according to my girlfriend, the part involving the reasons why the meeting with Twilight might be delayed is the best thing I have ever written...period.
Either way, I have my GREs (grad school stupid test thingy) next weekend, so that is why things have been slow for me, but I hope you all enjoy my lovely little story tonight and leave a comment letting me know just how silly it is 
ENJOY!!! 
