My Best Friend Is a Unicorn and She’s Dating My Undead Mother!
Parent Trap 2: Necromantic Boogaloo
Apple Bloom handed Applejack a bottle of Apple Family Brand™ cider. “Applejack, are you mad that momma came back from the dead and didn’t tell anyone?”
Applejack opened the bottle of Apple Family Brand™ cider and took a sip. “Nope.” She exhaled. She was mad that her mother was getting awful comfortable around her friend, Sunset Shimmer. But she couldn’t tell anyone that.
Another sip. “I’m mad that she appears to be getting awful comfortable around Sunset.”
Well, shit. She took a breath.
“Hmm,” Apple Bloom hmm’ed, before she looked over to the crowd crowding around Sunset Plus Pear Butter. “They do look awful happy.”
And that they did. Grand Pear was off to the left, catching up with his recently raised daughter — a lich, Applejack guessed, by the glowing gem nestled in her mother’s intact yet pale bosom — and to the right, a whole host of Apple folk were crowding around Sunset, whose face wore a crimson glow. Whether it was from blushing or from who-knows-what dark magic was anyone’s guess.
The whole thing about her mother troubled her to no end — not that Applejack was upset. She looked almost the same as in the Apple Family photo album, except for the aura of dark magic and the fact she was holding Sunset’s hand instead of Pa’s. It didn’t seem right that she smiled the same way despite that change.
A crow was on the fence behind them, preening his feathers. Applejack didn’t know why that was important. It just stood out to her. She also wasn’t sure how she knew the crow’s gender.
She polished off the bottle of Apple Family Brand™ cider and set it on the table. She thought she saw Sunset waving her over. She could probably ignore it, though.
“Applejack, Sunset’s waving you over,” Apple Bloom said unhelpfully.
“No she ain’t” Applejack said as she crossed her arms and pouted. “She’s waving someone else over.”
“Who? The table?”
Applejack turned her head to the side. “Yess’m. And I think the table will go over if it wants to,” she said as she seated her butt in a folding chair.
Much to her chagrin, it looked like Sunset was rather insistent on talking to her, for she stood up, hand in hand with Mom, and walked on over to where Applejack and Apple Bloom were planted.
Pear Butter sighed. “Y’know, I was considerin’ raising up a few zombies to haul yer butt over here, but Ori advised me that the commoners would think that improper.” Ori — the crow, Applejack suddenly became aware of — landed on Pear Butter’s shoulder. “I tried to tell ‘im that it wasn’t as improper as ignoring a friend,” she said as she looked over to Sunset, her pallor growing a teensy bit more roseate.
Apple Bloom waved. “Hi, Mom!”
“Well there’s someone who knows how to treat someone!” Butter knelt down and hugged Apple Bloom, Ori transferring over to Sunset’s shoulder. “How ya doin’, Sugarcube?”
“I’m fine, ma,“ Applebloom said.
“Well, that’s lovely now,” Butter said as she pulled away. “Tell me about your day.”
Apple Bloom prattled on about whatever as Applejack locked gaze with Sunset, the latter looking a mite uncomfortable at the moment. Applejack would have been uncomfortable too, were she not so angry. Good thing Sunset didn’t know that.
“You look angry,” Sunset said.
Fuck. Time to suspiciously change the conversation.
“Who’s the bird?” Applejack asked, pointing at Ori… who was looking at Applejack, strangely enough.
Sunset looked over at Ori and grinned. “Oh, Ori?”
“Yeah, Ori.” Applejack nodded. “He some kind of familiar or somethin’?”
“You seemed to have brushed up on your reading recently.”
“I’m an avid reader.” Applejack pointed between Sunset and Pear Butter.” So have you two — “
“Ouranos,” Sunset cut off as her face glowed red, “Ouranos here is not a familiar. He is the King of Crows and the spirit of Canterlot City, as well as a friend of Buttercup,” she said waving a hand at Pear Butter.
Ouranos preened himself as he pooped on Sunset’s shoulder.
Applejack snickered. “Mighty kingly of him to shit on you like that.”
Sunset nodded, then looked over to her shoulder, her eyes popping open. “Ori, what did Buttercup tell you about shitting on people!?”
Applejack clenched and unclenched a fist. If she keeps calling her Buttercup…
“Now, now, Sunset,” Buttercup said as she moved to wipe the bird shit off Sunset’s shoulder, Ori shifting perches to Applejack’s shoulder. “Even though he may be the protector of the Canterlot Domain, he’s still a bird.” She chuckled. “Birds poop.” Buttercup wagged a finger at Ori. “Still, Ori, try not to poop on people.”
The King of Crows defecates where he pleases.
Applejack blinked, then decided not to ask that question. She reached for the empty bottle of Apple Family Brand™ cider and took a ghost sip.
That container is empty.
Ignoring Ori, Applejack sipped again to keep herself busy. “So, uh,” Applejack said through gritted teeth, “where’d you two meet?”
“Inna graveyard, a-course,” Buttercup said as she stood up and kissed Sunset on the cheek, as well as bringing a pale hand to Sunset’s chin.
Sunset grasped Buttercup’s wrist and kissed her hand. “Yeah, I followed Ori to the graveyard and saw my Buttercup there.” They brushed lips. “It was like fate.”
The bottle in Applejack’s hand formed spider-marks under the pressure of her grip. “Is that so?”
“Eeyup.” Buttercup massaged Sunset’s shoulders. “I was busy getting accustomed to my mortal form.” She narrowed her eyes and turned the corners of her mouth up at Sunset. “Sunny here helped me… acclimate.”
At that point, Sunset yelped and grasped at her butt, returning with a skeleton arm caked with dirt. “Pear Butter!” she mock-scolded while smacking her with the bones, “not in front of your family!”
Buttercup grasped the bones, and they dissolved into dust. “Aw, shucks, if you insist.” She playfully batted Sunset on the shoulder. “You’re makin’ up fer this later, though.”
The bottle of Apple Family Brand™ cider shattered in Applejack’s hand, eliciting gasps and dodging and Granny reaching for the first aid kit to bandage the wounded. An errant shard hit Sunset in the face. Pear Butter used her unholy magic to knit her wound good as new. Applejack didn’t have time to think of the puppy souls sacrificed to implement that dark rite.
She stood up, attracting the attention of the crowd whom she had just injured. She inhaled, exhaled, then stormed inside and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Applejack planted herself on her bed and rubbed her face.
That was an impressive display.
Applejack blinked. “Goddammit, Ori, get out of here. I’m here to cool off and I don’t need the bird who played matchmaker with my dead mother and my best friend here.”
Ouranos flitted over to Applejack’s desk and pecked at an old sandwich.
“Also don’t shit on my desk.”
Ouranos defecates where he pleases. He broke off a bit of bread and swallowed it. I fail to understand why this union upsets you.
Applejack grabbed her head. “Because it’s not right.”
There is naught incorrect about love this true.
“It’s… “ Applejack growled. “It just feels like I should be mad.”
The King of Crows poked at more old sandwich with a claw. Are you perturbed because your mother escaped the maw of death in such a manner?
“No, it’s… nice, to see her.” Applejack blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Even if she’s become a Dark Lord of Canterlot.” She peeked outside her window to a zombie puppet show. “Real dark.”
There is something else that troubles you, Ouranos said as he pecked at some bacon.
“Don’t eat that, Ori, you can’t digest it.”
The King of Crows eats what he pleases. He ripped off a bit of bacon and swallowed it.
Applejack grunted. “You know what I think it is?”
Ori flew over to Applejack, landed on her knee, and made eye contact with her. Enlighten me.
Applejack looked at the bird. She knew he was the spirit of Canterlot, but being eyed down by a bird was rather uncomfortable. She took a breath.
You seem uncomfortable.
She exhaled. “Yeah, I’m uncomfortable about a lot of this.” She offered her finger to Ouranos, who landed on it as she stood up. “I think… I think I’m mostly uncomfortable because I had this idea of my mother as sweet and pure and in love with Pa,” she said while pacing, “and for her to suddenly show up at the family reunion alive… ish, and cavorting with Sunset kind of shattered the platonic ideal of Buttercup the Mother I had in my head.”
And now you have to accept that she is a sexual being.
Applejack rubbed her eye. “… Yes.”
A homosexual sexual being.
Applejack missed a step, then continued her pacing. “I… I don’t wanna say that factors into it, but it does, I guess?” She licked her teeth. “I’m just imagining her with Pa, and although Sunset is nice, she’s not Pa by a longshot.”
Produce bread for me.
“Yeah, sure,” Applejack said as she broke off some crust and fed it to Ouranos. “I mean, what it comes down to is that the whole thing rubs me the wrong way. But as long as my Ma and my best friend are happy, I should be supportive of it.”
So are you ready to apologize for spraying your family reunion with glass?
“Y… yeah, I think I am.” Applejack opened her bedroom door only to get suddenly hugged by her mother.
“Applejack baby I’m so sorry for getting frisky with Sunny in public that was so disrespectful of everyone there.”
Applejack blinked.
“Also I healed everyone at the party and apologized for riling you up.”
“She did,” Sunset said from behind Pear Butter. “Also, I’m sorry, too. I was just so — “
Applejack hugged her mother. “It’s fine. We don’t need to make this a big long thing.” She then ended the hug with her mother and hugged Sunset. “Y’all are both important to me and I want to see the both of y’all happy.” She pulled away and put a hand on each of their shoulders. “You both have my blessing. Go be there for each other.” Applejack grabbed each of their hands and put them together, Buttercup’s freezing fingers entwining with Sunset’s warm digits.
Pear Butter and Sunset embraced tightly, Ouranos landing on Applejack’s shoulder as they watched.
Applejack smiled.
I suspect the Dark Lord Buttercup is pregnant.
The smile drained from Applejack’s face.
“… How?”
Ouranos started preening himself. Some things are best left in mystery.
