Familiar Hell

by LightOfTriumph

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Mystery
Length: 4767

Someone has broken out of Tartarus and kidnapped Luna. An unwelcome guest has sent Celestia and Discord to find out how, who, and why.

Discord has put together a dinner for Celestia, as a genuine thanks for giving him another chance at life, and perhaps to move to something more than just friendship. Their dinner is interrupted by Scratch, Warden of Tartarus, and continual thorn in the side of Equestrian Royalty. He comes bearing bad news... Someone or something has escaped.from Tartarus, and what's worse, it has kidnapped Luna.

Celestia and Discord need to ask around to the other Princesses and Zecora to find out how, who, and why this all happened.

Published 2018-09-07 10:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-07 10:30:01 UTC

Familiar Hell

Everything had been set out perfectly, and Celestia looked gorgeous. As the moon slowly rose behind them, Discord was convinced it would be a good night.

Discord wasn't entirely sure where this attraction to Celestia came from, or how long it had been there. He had first noticed it when he was talking to Fluttershy about gratitude. It wasn't really his style to admit that anyone did something that may or may not have been nice, or shedding any light on whether or not he appreciated said action. But something about this dinner made a lot of sense. It was when he was taking time to learn how to cook because merely conjuring up the food would ruin the mood that he realized that this was more than mere gratitude.

Was this love? Discord wasn't entirely sure. But he did like her. Despite his checkered past, he never really disliked Celestia. He rarely disliked anyone. It seemed like it would take more focus than a spirit of chaos usually possessed. She was, however, the first pony to defeat him, and the first pony to believe he could change. Though it took Fluttershy to convince him.

Right now, this was just a friend thanking another friend. Which was fine, for now.

"You cooked all of this yourself?" Celestia asked, as she daintily speared more salad with her fork.

"By hand," Discord confirmed. "And I hope you like it, because it's the last time I'm doing it. Nearly burned the cottage down trying to finish."

"It's quite good actually," Celestia smiled. "I'm impressed."

"It's me," Discord continued. "Of course you're impressed."

Celestia giggled. She apparently found his general smug attitude somewhat charming. Good. It wasn't going away.

"And thank you," Discord acted out of character and was entirely earnest.

"You don't have to thank me," Celestia smiled. "It's a really top notch salad."

"No," Discord said, shaking his head. "Not the salad... The second chance. After all we've been through... After all I put you trough, in this millennium and the last... Why bother wasting time on me? Trying to make me worthwhile?"

Celestia gave a sad smile. "The truth?" she said quietly. "To prove a point... I wish it was more noble than that, but I wanted to prove someone wrong."

"About what?" Discord asked, not offended in the slightest at what Celestia seemed to perceive as selfish reasoning.

"Equine nature," Celestia answered. "This stallion believes that no one can change. That there's no such thing as redemption. Any change in behavior is merely convenient, not ethical. That speech... It got to me... I aimed to prove him wrong. And that's why I asked Twilight and her friends to release you."

"And?" Discord couldn't help but ask. "Did you prove him wrong?"

"I think I did," Celestia smiled. "I really do."

There was a pause as the two smiled sweetly at each other. Discord was about to move in to hold Celestia's hoof when he became aware of a third presence at the table.

"You know," said the voice of the intruder. "It's very rude to talk about someone like they aren't in the room."

Discord and Celestia turned to face the new figure.. Both of them shuddered for a moment.

They recognized him. Scratch was a hard stallion to forget. The rust colored coat, the yellow mane, and the blue suit he seemed to always be wearing. He constantly wore a smug expression on his face, as if he was the only one who knew how the world really worked, and if you thought otherwise, you'd get a sharp lesson in real life. He spoke as anyone else did, and he did that on purpose. Making it clear that the horrible things he said could come from anypony. He had one job, look after Tartarus, and his outlook on life was even more depraved than one would expect in that line of work.

But none of that compared to the eyes.

Scratch's eyes were simply huge black pits with a small orange glow burning just beneath them, like the last ember of a dying fire. They were eyes with no sympathy or pity, leaving no doubt in the denizens of Tartarus’s mind that here was no hope. No hope of escape. No hope of an end to the pain. Certainly, no hope for mercy.

"Also, you've got to remember," Scratch continued, pointing at Discord. "He was still pretty firmly in my camp until that incident with Tirek. He only turned 'good' when his power was drained. So... What is it you proved exactly, Tia?"

"What do you want, Scratch?" Celestia asked coldly. "Your report isn't due for another three weeks."

"And as eagerly as I'm awaiting my monthly date with bureaucracy," Scratch said with sarcastic glee. "We've got an emergency. There's been another breakout."

"What?" Discord shouted.

"Who?" Celestia demanded.

An evil grin nearly split Scratch's head in half. "Oh, I'm going to let you figure that one out for yourself."

"We have no time for games, Scratch," Celestia said firmly, rising up on her hooves. "Tell me who's escaped. Now."

"Or what?" Scratch laughed. "You'll shove me in a hot hole in the ground filled with monsters? Your predecessors already did that, Tia. Of course... You could always."

"Not a chance," Celestia interrupted. Discord knew the score. Scratch was as much a prisoner as he was a warden. His power constantly sapped by Tartarus itself. Only an Alicorn could let him out.

"Then we're back where we started," Scratch smiled. "You go find out who it is, it shouldn't take long."

"Don't do it, Celestia," Discord spoke up, knowing the mind of a scoundrel far too well. "My bet is this inmate is only dangerous if we find him. Maybe being near an Alicorn would strengthen him."

"Oh, he's near an Alicorn," Scratch said calmly, as the grin split across his face again. "He's got your sister."

"Luna?" Celestia said with horror.

"I'd track her movements if I were you," Scratch shrugged. "I first heard that she went to the Crystal Empire, so I'd talk to Cadence. Have fun!" With a stamp of his hoof, he was gone.

The room had a sudden dark pall over it. Scratch had that effect. Celestia looked like she had just been slapped in the face, horrified at what could have become of her sister.

"Now, don't worry," Discord said calmly. "We'll find her, and she's going to be alright. We're two of the smartest beings in history." He snapped his fingers, conjuring a bowler hat and cloak for Celestia, and a deerstalker and tweeds for himself. "I don't think there's any mystery we can't solve."

A ghost of a smile reappeared on Celestia's face, meaning Discord had done his job. "You're right," Celestia said softly. "Despite my better instincts, we should take Scratch's advice, and check with Cadence. I have no other place to start."

As Celestia took off into the night, Discord looked up at the sky.

Something was very, very wrong.

Luna paced around the cave, wondering how she got into this mess.

This was her fault. Since the beginning this was her fault. She wasn't there enough. She didn't feel enough. Maybe she didn't care? Either way, it led to too much heartbreak, and far too much pain.

She looked at the crumpled unconscious form of the prisoner. All she had left was pity. It was wrong. He didn't deserve this.

This was her fault.

Celestia told Cadence the whole story, and everything that had been going on with Scratch, Luna, and the escaped prisoner. Cadence seemed a little distracted. Celestial could understand why.

Discord had decided to take the "Detective solving a mystery" gag a bit to far. The costumes they had cycled through had included Celestia in tweeds, and Discord in a black suit and handlebar mustache, Celestia dressed as a Trottingham police officer, and Discord dressed as an old woman, and Celestia dressed in a maroon fedora and suit with Discord gaining a seventh of a ton to fit in a pinstripe suit. The costumes they were wearing now were simple black suits with blue dress shirts opened at the collar. Discord seemed to have his hands in the pants pockets, looking disinterestedly around the room. But the thing that was distracting was the Thing on his shoulder.

It looked like a little imp. It had a beak, and blue feathers coming out of the top of its head. Under the beak it had a mouth like a frog’s. Its skin was gray, and looked wrinkly. Celestia wondered how it saw through those closed squinting eyes, but she was afraid to ask. Both Cadence and Celestia were afraid of asking anything about the horrid creature, and quietly agreed to pretend that it wasn't there.

"This is awful," Cadence finally said. "With Luna missing there's no one to lower the moon..."

"Looks like we're in for..." Discord said, slipping on a pair of sunglasses. "One long night."

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" shrieked the thing on Discord's shoulder.

Celestia and Cadence looked at Discord as he stared into the middle distance, waiting for a theme song that wasn't coming. They quickly decided to let it pass by and not question it.

"She--," Cadence said, finally getting her brain back on track. "She came here this afternoon. She seemed sad. She said that she was here to mourn an old friend..."

"Did she say who?" Celestia asked.

"No," Cadence said. "She just waved me off. She did ask me to leave this near the courtyard. I haven't done it yet." Cadence pulled an object from her desk. A flower seemingly made of glass.

"A crystal rose," Celestia muttered. "That's... Odd..."

"Why odd?" Discord asked.

"This was a present given to her by an old flame," Celestia explained. "The relationship... It didn't end well."

"It seems like every rose," Discord said, slipping on a second pair of sunglasses over the sunglasses he already had on. "Has its thorn."

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Celestia and Cadence gave Discord more highly worried looks, then moved on with the conversation. "Did she--," Celestia said in a rather high voice before correcting herself. "Did she say where she was going?"

"She said she needed to talk to Twilight," Cadence nodded. "Then she left."

" Alright," Celestia sighed. "We'll go talk to Twilight. I mean... We may have to wake her up. Come on, Discord."

"Glib observation," Discord said, slipping a third pair of sunglasses on top of the other two. "Terrible pun."

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAA-"

"WILL YOU SHOVE THAT THING BACK INTO WHATEVER NETHERDIMENSION YOU PULLED IT FROM?!"

"I'll rally the other Elements," Twilight said. "We'll find her, Princess. Don't worry."

"I'm taking care of this, Twilight," Celestia insisted, having a hard time seeing through the horn-rimmed glasses and chafing under the wooly orange sweater. "The person I'm talking about is dangerous, and unpredictable."

"I can see that," Twilight said dryly, looking at Discord, who, taking the form of a large Great Dane, was rifling through all of Twilight's files.

"Not him," Celestia sighed. "Though I understand the mistake. Discord, what are you doing?"

Discord then made a series of unintelligible noises that sounded like a dog trying to speak English while intoxicated. "Reeheeheehee," he ended the slurry.

"What did he say?" Twilight asked, bewildered.

"I've just sort of learned to phase him out," Celestia sighed, though she couldn't help but smile. "Listen, whoever this is that's escaped from Tartarus is dangerous enough to keep an Alicorn captive, but not powerful enough to declare open war. Could it be Tirek?"

"I don't think so," Twilight shook her head. "I think he'd come after me or Discord, first. We were responsible for his fall. And besides, he would take longer to gather strength. Unless whoever gave you this information is lying about the time?"

"He didn't tell me when the breakout happened," Celestia thought aloud. "And he doesn't lie. He'll say evil things, but doesn't make a habit of lying."

"Is this someone I have to worry about?" Twilight asked nervously.

"When you grow up," Celestia smiled , putting her hoof on Twilight's. "Listen, she came to visit you this afternoon."

"Yes," Twilight nodded. "She wanted to forgive me."

"Forgive you?" Celestial asked. "What for?"

"She wouldn't tell me," Twilight said. "She said I hadn't done anything wrong, but I made it near impossible for her to fix a past mistake. At first I thought she was talking about Nightmare Moon, but she- DISCORD WILL YOU QUIT IT?!" She lost it as a Great Dane with burning yellow eyes sniffed violently at the side of her head.

"Discord?" Celestia said sweetly.

"Reah?" Discord asked.

"Down boy," she said sternly.

"Rokay," Discord said sheepishly. He went to sit in the corner.

"Do you know of any mistake she wanted to right?" Twilight asked.

"Twilight," Celestia said softly. "My sister and I are eternal. With a life lived that long, the mistakes we've made are impossible to count... But I think I know what happened. And who our escaped prisoner is..."

"Who?" Twilight asked.

"An old flame of my sister's," Celestia sighed. "One that you've met before... Discord, I think we may be looking for Sombra."

There was a long awkward silence.

"Ruh-roh," Discord said, thankfully breaking the tension.

"How is that possible?!" Twilight said. "He's--"

"The soul doesn't die with the Body, Twilight," Celestia explained. "We need a way to track my sister. Can your Zebra friend help?"

"Zecora?" Twilight nodded. "She can help, but you'll need something Luna has touched recently."

"We'll use the Crystal Rose," Celestia nodded. "Discord, come on. We've got to go."

"Ruh-uh," Discord insisted. "Ruh-uh!"

A look spread across Celestia's face. The look of an eternal princess who has had far too much foolishness. She wasn't sure how true that look was. She thought she may have had nothing like enough. "Would you do it for a Discord snack?"

Discord smiled and zipped out the door. Celestial rolled her eyes and followed him out.

The costumes had changed again. This time they were both clad in suits and fedora hats. They were waiting for Zecora to finish the locator spell, and as she worked over her cauldron, Celestia had something to say about Discord's antics. Continuing with these ridiculous charades while her sister was in mortal peril. She only had one thing to say.

"Discord?" Celestia said. "Thank you. I mean it."

"For what?" Discord asked.

"If you hadn't come with me I think I would have gone insane," Celestia said sincerely. "I'm more like Twilight than she'll ever realize... I stress about too much. It's a side effect of spending..." Celestia didn't like to think about those times. "So many centuries alone. Without Luna. I had no one to talk to... When she came back I was so happy... But she was so scared. She didn't want to go out and do anything... And then you showed up again."

"I tried to take over Equestria," Discord said, obviously confused. "And drive you all insane..."

"And we needed it," Celestia said. "We needed a kick in our complacency. We needed to appreciate the Harmony we had, because we almost lost it. After that... Twilight broadened her horizons, and her friends helped. Shining Armor finally proposed to Cadence. And Luna... Luna finally reconnected with the people. And that was all in the first year."

"Hardly my doing," Discord said. "I was just fooling around."

"And that's another thing," Celestia said. "I don't think there is an ounce of malice in you. You were uncaring, and unfeeling, but I don't think you ever hated anyone."

Discord smiled at that.

"Which is why I knew I could reform you," Celestia said. "That's why I used you to prove my point. Uncaring, and unfeeling are easy to fix with friendship. Hatred... The only way to fix that is with love."

Discord seemed to be very nervous all of a sudden. "If I did hate..." he stammered. "Do you think... Do you think you could fix that?"

Celestial was awestruck. Both by the question... And by the fact that she wasn't sure of the answer.

"Excuse me, one who calls the sun," Zecora said, breaking the silence. " the locator spell is, at last, done."

Discord and Celestia went up to her, and an odd thing appeared over Discord's head. There were colored lights with words next to them. A green one labeled "Truth," a yellow one labelled "Doubt," and a red one labeled "lie." "How can we tell where she is?" Celestia asked.

"It's quite simple, so worry not," Zecora smiled "Just look deep into the pot."

The two peered into the cauldron. They saw an image of a cave deep in the Everfree forest reflected in the blue liquid.

"I know that place," Celestia said. "An Ursa colony used to live there. We moved them out so Twilight could fix up our old castle."

"You drive," Discord said.

"If all of what you've told me is true," Zecora said incredulously. "Strange that the potion remains blue..."

"What do you mean?" Celestia asked.

"Your sister walks where danger waits," Zecora said. "But I assure you... She is quite safe."

"Are you really trying to pull this on us now, Zebra?" Discord said harshly as the yellow "Doubt" light turned on. "We've got a squad car waiting for you outside. Maybe you could talk to us in a cell, see if you're making more sense."

Everyone, including Discord, seemed to wonder what on Earth was wrong with Discord.

"I did hit 'Doubt,' right?" Discord said, confused.

"Zecora, that's impossible," Celestia said in disbelief. "How can you be sure?"

"When one walks down the path of dread," Zecora explained. "The option turns a burning red."

"She got kidnapped by a power mad tyrant who's been in Tartarus for several months!" Celestia exclaimed.

"Still the potion remains blue," Zecora sighed. "Is it possible this stallion lied to you."

"He doesn't lie," Discord said harshly, with the yellow light turning back on. "We can do this the easy way or--Okay, these indicators are mislabeled." Discord snapped his fingers and the lights changed their labels to "Good Cop," "Bad Cop," and "Accuse." "Much better!"

"This spell has never failed?" Celestia asked. "You're sure it's accurate?"

"The best potion one can get," Zecora assured her. "This brew has not failed me yet."

"I don't understand it," Celestia said quietly. "Does Sombra not have her... But then why would she--?"

"Celestia," Discord said, removing the costumes with a snap of his finger.

"What is it?" Celestia asked, barely noticing the change

"The moon is setting," Discord sighed. "Wherever she is, Luna is doing her job."

Celestia looked out the window, and it all slowly clicked on her mind. What she had been doing all day... The visits... The rose... It also fell together.

"Oh Luna," Celestia said with horror. "What have you done?"

Discord didn't put any costumes on when they entered the cave. Even he knew when a joke was taken too far. He had a sense of occasion, and walking in on a figure in a cloak standing over a twitching unconscious figure in a shroud was the exact wrong occasion.

"I was wondering when you'd get here," the cloaked figure said in a shaky voice. "I'd hoped he would be strong enough to move by this point... I underestimated the suffering he's been through. I shouldn't have. This was Tartarus we're talking about."

"Luna," Celestia said solemnly. "Why?"

"Because it wasn't fair," Luna said sadly. "It just wasn't fair. He led a good life, except for the end of it. And it was my fault. I wasn't there for him in his darkest hours."

"He made his own choices," Celestia said firmly. "And those choices were so profoundly wrong that--"

"So were mine!" Luna whirled around on her sister. "So were Discord's! But we were given a chance to change! Sister, you brought me back from my darkness! You turned a mad tyrant into a delight to be around!"

"Why thank you!" Discord said, genuinely flattered.

"Why couldn't we do the same for him?!" Luna was beginning to shout. "Why did Sombra have to die?!"

"I don't know!" Celestia shouted back. "I just... I don't know. I don't have an answer..."

There was a heavy silence that permeated every nook and cranny and the cave. It weighed down heavily on each occupant.

"He wasn't inherently evil," Celestia said sadly. "After his mother... It just broke him. We offered to help but... He was too far gone. I don't know why the Crystal Heart killed him instead of making him see sense, but..."

"But it did," Luna finished. "But he still has a soul. And as long as there is a soul there's still a chance to save it... And I'm not going to give up. I won't give up until I save him."

" Luna... " Celestia sighed.

"I take charge of the night," Luna said regally.. "Darkness is my domain, and as Harmony is my witness, I WILL pull Sombra out of it!!"

The royal Canterlot voice echoed throughout the cave, bringing back the heavy silence... Then it was broken by a spine-chilling source.

"And the walls came a-tumbling down," said the far-too-casual voice.

There was a loud rumbling, and the mouth of the cave collapsed, trapping the four in the cave. Discord ran and checked the cave-in. He was about to fix the problem, when he realized that they weren't alone. The sound like someone was clanging two iron poles together made that very clear.

Scratch stepped out of the shadows, clapping his hooves as if he were applauding a magnificent performance. "Bravah!" he said. "Bravah... Truly astounding show! Drama! Family betrayals! A question of reformation! You were all brilliant, but now it's time to bring it to an end. Thanks for the entertainment."

"How did you get in here?" Celestia demanded.

"Tia, for goodness sake," Scratch laughed. "I've always been here. I'm always everywhere. You know this physical form is only for when I want to speak directly to someone, face to reasonable facsimile of a face. I'm the voice in everypony's head. That little voice that reminds you there's no escape, no hope, and no point. To ask how I got in here is pointless. You brought me in."

"What do you want with us?" Luna asked.

"An immortal princess with a mortal lover... That old familiar hell. I'm here to make an offer to you, Luna," Scratch said, pointing at Luna and letting the evil grin split across his face again. "I can help you get what you want. I can give you Sombra back."

Luna's eyes widened.

"Luna don--" Celestia started.

Discord held out a hand to stop her. "She has to make her own choice here," he said solemnly. "We all do when it comes to him."

"I assume you want something in return," Luna said, dryly, but curiously.

"You know what I want," Scratch said, keeping his casual attitude, but there was a definite desperate tone in it now. "I've been living in a squalid stinking pit, filled with monsters and very tiresome individuals. It's hot, it's loud, and quite frankly, very, very dull. I want out. That's all I've ever wanted."

"Do you take me for a fool?" Luna said. "Do you think I don't know what would happen if you were released?"

"One wild party," Scratch smiled. "And some redecorating. Lots of fire and blood. I've been to your castle. Not nearly enough fire, and practically no blood. That will need fixing. And that whole 'Friendship is Magic' thing will have to go. Too sappy for my tastes."

"You'd turn Equestria into a wasteland," Luna growled. "Slaughter thousands of innocent ponies."

"Billions," Scratch said, striding over to Sombra's twitching body. "But remember... These are the same ponies who shunned your night, and turned you into a monster."

"And I'll be spared?" Luna said, at least trying to sound sarcastic. "Me and Sombra, I assume."

"No," Scratch said. "Call it a grudge, but I don't really forgive your branch of the family for locking me up in the first place. Plus, he's dead. Very few ways to fix dead. Not impossible, ask Discord."

"He never died," Celestia insisted.

"You turned his heart, lungs, and brain to marble!" Scratch laughed. "What do you think happened?"

"Discord..." Celestia said sadly, as the horrible realization washed over her. "I didn't..."

"Me and Scratch have a long history," Discord smiled. "But we've terminated our relationship... Besides, my trip to Tartarus was very productive. Helped me... Clear my mind."

"For the time being," Scratch smiled. "Anyway... Luna. As you said. You have a soul. Let me out, and I will shove yours and his in the same hole. Sure you'll be suffering. But aren't the two of you suffering already? Isn't it better to suffer together?"

Discord knew the look on Luna's face. She was tempted.

"Just say the word," Scratch said calmly. "And I'm out... Just say the word."

Luna took a moment to think, then steeled herself. "I haven't given up," she began in a steady tone. "on a future where no one is suffering. The answer is no. Go back to your squalid pit."

Scratch looked disappointed, then shocked when he heard the next voice speak up. "You never did know..." The voice wheezed. "When to quit... Did you, Luna?"

Sombra shakily rose to his feet, the shroud dropping off him as he did so. His body was scarred, and dirty, the signs of a few short months of Scratch's hospitality.

"Sombra..." Luna said, hoof over her mouth. "What has he done to you?"

"There's... There's no such thing..." Sombra struggled to get out every word. "as a future where no one is suffering... But I'd happily... Give up the rest of my existence to the hole I'm stuck in... For a future where you don't."

"You don't deserve this," Luna insisted tearfully. "It was my fault."

"No... It wasn't," Sombra insisted, putting a trembling hoof on Luna's cheek. "These were my actions... My choices... I bought this future with my own money... No one to blame but myself."

Luna touched Sombra's hoof. "I haven't given up," Luna said. "I'm going to save you."

"Like I said," Sombre said, giving a sad smile. "You never knew when to quit."

The two seemed to bring themselves closer together, when Sombra disappeared into a gout of flame. Then he was gone from the cave.

"Touching," Scratch said dryly. "I'm moved to tears, I really am."

"She gave you your answer," Celestia said, rushing to comfort her now weeping sister. "Now leave.

"Oh, I will," Scratch smiled. "After I watch all of you suffocate to death. That cave-in was my back up plan, you see. Call me petty but... This is really all I have left."

Discord has been waiting for this moment. "Please," he scoffed. "They're rocks." He snapped his fingers and all of the rocks blocking the cave grew skinny arms and legs and walked off into the Everfree forest.

"Just..." Scratch fumed. "Just not my day, is it?"

"No," Discord said. "And I just want that to prove my point to you..."

Discord looked right into Scratch's soulless eyes. "There is nothing you can do that can't be undone. Remember that."

As Celestia, Luna, and Discord left Scratch in the cave, obviously furious, Celestia turned to Discord. "The question you asked me earlier... Would I be able to fix you?"

"Yes?" Discord said as his heart fluttered a bit.

"I think I could," Celestia said as she gave Discord a kiss on the cheek. "Given time."

Discord blushed as the three made their way back to Canterlot Castle.

Author's Note

Hi! That was one of the most difficult stories I have ever had to publish!

I'm serious, I have never had more trouble getting a story from Blank Page to site. Keep in mind, this thing should have been finished TWO WEEKS before it was, and published the day after. As it stands, it was only finished a week ago and the editing process was a nightmare. Not to mention a cavalcade of IRL issues that hindered progress at every turn.

I will say this, Never worked harder on a story in my life.

This was a commission for Lighttone Gryphonstar. Thank you for your patronage.

Special shoutout to Striving for Harmony. For being an incredibly efficient, though ultimately unnecessary safety net.

And PLEASE rate and comment!