License to Boop

by Dreams of Ponies

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1312

Pinkie Pie has received some terrible news.

Pinkie Pie has received some terrible news. The boopening is yet to come.

Warning: features my wild, runaway imagination.
Art by: Artyjoyful
Prereaders:
Scootles
Burnt Juice
An entry to the Them's Writin' words contest, hosted by Obabscribbler

Credit also goes to The Voice Hub server on discord for inspiring the idea; I love you guys.

Published 2018-08-27 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-08-27 22:30:01 UTC

Boop?

“W-what are you saying, Twilight?”

Twilight shook her head for the forty-second time that hour. Placing her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders, she settled her down into the library cushion.

“Pinkie… You can’t boop ponies anymore. You’ll need to apply for a Class C license in Canterlot, and even still…” Twilight tapped the table, and Pinkie’s gaze followed her hoof as it was raised just in front of her. “You’ll need to ask permission before you initiate contact.”

Twilight’s hoof was mere inches from Pinkie’s snoot, and Pinkie squirmed in her chair, trying to press closer to Twilight’s booping apparatus.

“But--” She had almost connected her snoot when Twilight pulled away, and Pinkie burst into tears. “But I need this, Twilight!” She bolted upright, the cushion flying off and smacking a nearby Spike; he had just entered the library, carrying a tray of lemonade and a box of tissues.

Pinkie caught the box of tissues on her rump. “Booping a pony is like…” She blew her nose, screwing up her eyes before answering. “Like the suuuuper large cherry atop a sundae. Or-or--”
She jumped into Twilight’s face, snoot scrunched against snoot. “Like the first time you touch a mint edition copy of Canterlot Tax Code!”

Twilight flinched back, doubt flickering in her eyes. “You really feel that way, Pinkie?” Pink hooves thrust out to shake Twilight, Pinkie’s watery eyes stabbing Twilight’s heart with a thousand needles.

“Yes!” Pinkie screamed before extracting a crinkled paper from her mane. She thrust it into Twilight’s face. “See! See! I have a doctor’s note!”

Twilight peeled the note from her face before scrutinizing the paper. “Pinkie…” Twilight looked her friend over, Pinkie’s mane deflating like a half-done souffle. “This is your hoof writing…” She turned the note to show it to Pinkie Pie. “And it’s in crayon!”

Pinkie screwed up her face as a whirlwind of emotion surged through her. Finally, she slumped, tears trickling down her muzzle. Twilight approached, turning so that they were side by side, and reached her hoof around Pinkie.

“I’m sorry, Pinkie… If you want, you can still boop me, okay?”

Pinkie sniffled, wiping a tear away with a hoof. “Do you really mean that?”

Twilight looked back and forth, the only other being present was a passed-out Spike, covered in lemonade.

“Just not in public, Pinkie. The law is the law, and I’m a princess.”

They exchanged a firm hug before Pinkie let out a groan.

“It’s a stupid law.” Twilight squirmed at the blasphemous words. “I mean, jeez, who doesn’t like a good booping?” Pinkie reached forward and booped the sparkly snoot. “Boop!”

Pinkie giggled as Twilight smiled.

“Sometimes a pony just needs their space, Pinkie. Remember what happened with Fluttershy?”

“Yeah… but still…” Pinkie struggled against a frown. “They’re ruining the fun for everypony else.”

“Tell you what: first thing tomorrow, we’ll go apply for your booping license.”

Twilight was assaulted by the scent of cotton candy as her muzzle was buried in Pinkie’s mane.

“She’d never been more bored in her life!”

Twilight trotted beside Rarity as they wandered through the Ponyville market.

“Honestly, Twilight, five-hundred pages? I’ve never seen Pinkie sit still and read anything longer than a pie recipe.” Rarity flicked her mane, and the stallpony that stood next pushed forward a small bag of lovely grape tomatoes. Levitating one into her mouth, she smiled appreciatively, and the poor stallion nearly fainted.

“You’ve got to try one, Twilight. They do wonders for your complexion.”

Twilight shrugged, plucking one for herself as they headed out of the market. “Mmm, you know, I might need to pick some up for dinner tonight. Spike’s been sour all day.”

“Oh, the poor dear.” Rarity’s voice seemed to trail off. “Was the lemonade that… Oh my…”

The line to Sugarcube Corner was enormous. The trail of pastel ponies practically spanned half of Ponyville as Rarity and Twilight tried to glimpse the insides. The new addition of a sign above the front door made them both roll their eyes.

“Free boops with the purchase of a pastry.” Twilight narrowed her eyes, and then read the fine print. “No actual purchase necessary.”
“Really, Twilight. She doesn’t know when to quit.” Rarity dawned a knowing smile.

Twilight snorted. “You should have seen her at the Canterlot Center of Certifications. The ponies there acted like she was some abomination from the Everfree Forest.”

“Honestly, sometimes I wonder…”

Pinkie chose that moment to pop her head out for above the crowd, her hooves somehow magnetized to the ceiling. “Hi, Twilight! Hi, Rarity! Here for some boo-- I mean cupcakes!”

“I’ll take a cupcake, hold the boop.” Twilight smiled as Pinkie pulled out a notepad and food-coloring pen. “I had enough earlier. “

“Rightio!” Then she turned, spawning a mustache and suave hat from the ether. “And for M’lady?”

Rarity couldn’t hold back a snort. “I’ll have a boop, hold the cupcake.” Then she stopped, and a sly grin crossed her face. “You always know just how I like it, Pinkie.”

Within moments, Pinkie had extracted herself from the long line and stood before her friends with a huge smile. Her nose looked a little raw and she couldn’t seem to stop giggling.

“Looks like you’ve been getting a little action too, Pinkie.” Rarity’s cheeks tinted just a touch.

“Yeah, it’s an option for anypony that’d rather give a boop then get a boop.” Pinkie’s eyes swirled around as she spoke. “It was pretty much all colts and stallions, though. Go figure!”

“I wonder why…” Twilight said through a mouth full of cupcake.

“Why what?” Pinkie questioned, but Twilight just shook her head.

“Alright, it’s my turn, Pinkie.” Rarity turned and presented her snout. “A lady must not be kept waiting after all.”

Pinkie’s eyes widened as she bowed deeply. “Forgive my tardiness, your Rarityness. I shall punish myself later with the boop of a thousand hooves.”

All three mares burst into giggles as Pinkie moved forward and pressed her hoof against Rarity’s snoot. “Boop!”

“Cease and desist!”

The voice somehow carried a certain firmness, even without being overly loud or emotive.

Pinkie turned and faced Mud Briar, who was now approaching the confectionary with a look of perfect neutrality.

“You are in violation of the no-booping ordinance. You will present your papers or I will contact the authorities.”

Pinkie scrapped her hoof against the ground in defiance. Twilight held out a hoof in front of her.

“I am the authority here, Mud Briar.”

He didn’t even blink… ever. “Then I will be filing a proper report at dawn tomorrow. I expect you to--”

“There’s no need, Mud Briar. Pinkie already has all the proper paperwork.” Twilight gave an approving nod to Pinkie, who beamed back before glaring daggers at Mud Briar. “I was there when they signed the papers.”

He seemed to consider this. “After all the lobbying I did in Canterlot for this needed provision…” He sagged. “I see. I will still file the report as I have stated, but I will need to rethink my strategy.”

“Wait!” Pinkie nearled pronked atop him. “This was your idea!? What did boops every do to you?”

Mud Briar carefully slid Pinkie away from him. “You don’t want to know.”

Steam escaped Pinkie’s ears as she stomped towards him. “Next you’ll tell me that Maud doesn’t like boops either.”

There was a pause. “I did this for her, Pinkie. She never had the heart to tell you.”

“What!”

And then the party pony exploded.

Author's Note

Just some silly idea I had at three in the morning. Didn't have an editor for this one, so lemme know if I missed anything. My normal editor, the lovely Level Dasher is currently in the hospital. You should all go show him some love :heart:

Hopefully more stuffs coming soon. Ugh, it's so dang hot out!