Adagio From State Farm

by TheNewYorkBrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Dazzlings, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sex, Adagio Dazzle, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 3345

Adagio, with the help of human Twilight, tries to lose her sexy voice so that she can hold a job.

Adagio can't quite seem to hold a job, and she can't exactly figure out why. Even though everyone knows it's because of her voice. Desperate, she receives the help of someone unexpected— Sci-Twi. Can this unlikely pair keep the former siren employed? Only one way to find out.

Cover art by my good friend faith. sex tag for humor. Featured 10/12/18!

Published 2018-10-11 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-25 02:55:40 UTC

Chapter 1

Adagio Dazzle returned from her normal lunch break at the call center she recently started working at to find her desk empty.

Confused, she walked over to her manager’s office and knocked on the door, noticing the box of her things that were currently on his desk. “Is there a reason why my things are all packed up?”

Glass Ceiling swiveled around in his chair to face Adagio, a stern yet apologetic look on his face. “Erm, have a seat, Miss Dazzle,” he said, gesturing towards the genuine leather seat in front of him.

“Sure,” Adagio responded, striding over to the chair and gently sitting down in it. “What exactly seems to be the issue, sir?”

“There have been, ahem, multiple concerns about you, Miss Dazzle,” The much older man stated, clearing his throat.

“Complaints,” Adagio said, rather flatly. “No need to sugar coat it.”

“Complaints is a very strong word,” Glass Ceiling responded nervously, his hands wringing in worry. “I’d say it was more of a few suggestions on your employment.”

“So basically,” Adagio said casually, leaning back in the chair, “I’m being fired because someone—or some persons—since you said there was multiple—complained about me and now I’m being fired.” she frowned, crossing her legs. “Did they even say what I did wrong?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Glass Ceiling couldn’t quite exactly look Adagio in the eye. “W-Well, yes, but it wasn’t something you did,” he answered her, voice trembling.

Adagio’s eyebrows knitted. “Well if I didn’t do anything, why am I being terminated?”

“It’s your uh, manner of speaking,” he responded. “Your voice doesn’t exactly...fit the image of the company.”

“Excuse me?” Adagio was considerably taken aback by his comment. “What does that mean?” she stood up and slammed her hands on the desk, unintentionally making her chest jiggle.

“Er, um,” He started, sweating visibly now. “You voice sounds like it’s more suited for...other, fields of work.”

“Other fields of...” The pieces seemed to fall in to place in Adagio’s mind, and then she finally got it. “You're firing me because I sound sexy over the phone and you're losing customers for it.”

“Miss Dazzle I’m sorry, but it wasn’t my decision.” Glass Ceiling said, refusing to look the woman across from him in the eye.

“No, it’s, okay,” Adagio responded, rolling her shoulders. “It’s not like it’s the first time it’s happened.” without another word she walked out of his office, collected the box of her things from her old desk, and left the building without looking back.

“Fired? Again?” Sonata asked, chewing on the straw to her juice box while kicking her feet as she sat on the arm of the couch. “Isn’t that like, the third time this month?”

“More like fourth,” Aria mumbled. “But who’s counting,” she grinned at the poofy haired girl in front of her who frowned. “Maybe you should just find a job where you like, don’t talk.”

Adagio, who was currently pouting, looked up at her fellow siren sisters. “Why? What’s wrong with my voice? I know it veers on the more...velvety side but that doesn’t mean I can’t do my job.”

“The fact that you got fired again today kind of does,” Aria responded, rolling her eyes. “You constantly sound like you’re about to orgasm.”

Adagio was appalled. “Wha—I do not sou—”

Aria held up a hand. “I’m going to stop you, right there. Because yes, yes you do.” Aria could count on more than one hand the occasions that came to mind specifically.

Sonata nodded, agreeing with the girl in front of her. “You really do, Dagi. Sometimes when you yawn, I can’t tell if it's you or if one of our neighbours is watching porn. We have really thin walls by the way,” she shuddered visibly before continuing to drink her juice box.

“Is it...really that bad?” Adagio looked crestfallen, her frown from earlier deepened. “I can’t really do anything about it, it’s how I talk.”

“You could like, go out and see how people who don’t sound like they belong in porn talk,” Aria suggested grinning. “Or you know, just do what your voice is for.”

Adagio frowned at her.

“I heard there was a job opening at the mall at Beefy Burger,” Sonata said, twirling her hair. “Maybe you could get a job there! It’s kind of icky, and greasy, but at least you won't have to talk to anyone! And if anyone asks, just tell them you’re on mute!”

“How is she going to take people’s orders if she can’t speak, idiot?” Aria asked, rolling her eyes. “She needs a job that involves no talking at all. Basically where she’s invisible in every sense of the word.”

“How about I just, go to the mall and scout for a job myself?” Adagio offered getting up. She was quite frankly tired of all the insults her siren sisters had been throwing her way. “Thanks for the suggestions but, I think I can handle this on my own, girls.”

Aria’s eyebrow quirked. “Can you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, I can,” Adagio asserted, pushing past her. “Watch and learn, ladies. When I come back tonight, I’m going to have a whole new job.” she slammed the door behind her as she left.

Aria and Sonata stared perplexed at the door, then shrugged.

“Fifty bucks says she has a mental break down halfway through.” Aria offered.

Sonata grinned. “You’re on!”

The mall wasn’t exactly a place Adagio frequented, she usually shopped for her clothes online or at high end stores that were nowhere near the Canterlot City Mall. It seemed a lot more...cleaner than she imagined, though the melding smell of candles from a nearby store and the smell of pizza from the food court left more to be desired.

She walked for a while, then stopped at a smoothie place in the food court. A blonde girl who had her back turned to her was manning the blenders behind the counter. Adagio figured that a job like this didn’t require much talking to, especially if she volunteered just to chop the fruits and vegetables and blend everything. How hard could that be?

Adagio was about to walk up to the counter just as the blonde turned around, and she stopped dead in her tracks. “Argh!” she mumbled under her breath, walking angrily past the smoothie spot. The blonde girl had been one of those damned children that stole her magic away! She couldn’t work with her!

She spotted a sneaker store, but quickly walked past it once she saw that yet another Rainboom had thwarted her chance at employment. This time the rainbow haired one.

Did every single last one of them work at this mall? What were the odds that her mortal enemies all worked in the same confined space?

Frowning, Adagio held her head high. She wasn’t about to be driven out by a bunch of children. She may not have her powers anymore, but she was still much older, much stronger, and much wiser.
Beside the sneaker store was a tech store that seemed to be Rainbrat free. Stepping inside, she was welcomed with the smell of printing paper and plastic. Behind the counter sat a young girl who couldn’t have been older than any of the Rainbrats.

Her head was down in some textbook, and she didn’t hear when Adagio approached the counter until the former siren had coughed loudly.

“Oh!” the girl said sheepishly, quickly shoving the book under the counter. “Today is a little slow, so I decided to study for an upcoming test! Can’t be too prepared, I always say!” She giggle snorted, and then cleared her throat, clearly embarrassed by the sound. Looking into Adagio’s eyes, she smiled. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

This girl....Her voice...It was extremely bland, but absolutely adorable and endearing! Adagio had heard such a cute and boring voice before! But she couldn’t quite place it. It was on the tip of her tongue...but she let it go. She’d figure it out eventually.

“You, girl,” Adagio started informally. “Is this establishment hiring? I’m in need of a job,” She rested her head on her arm lazily, staring back into the young woman’s eyes.

Seemingly taken aback by the straightforward question, the girl’s eyebrows furrowed, and she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing but incoherent sounds came out. “Uh, well—I think?”

Adagio raised an eyebrow at her incompetence. Endearing, but incredibly annoying. She needed to speak to someone who knew what they were doing. “Is there a manager I can speak to? Someone who’s in charge?” she asked, looking behind the girl to see if there was anyone in the storage room behind her about to come out on cue.

Awkwardly reaching her hand across the counter, the young girl gave the former siren a small, timid smile. “Um, that would be me. I’m the manager. My name’s Twilight. Twilight Sparkle.”

And then it hit Adagio like a speeding train. She knew why the voice sounded so familiar now. She stared at the purple hand extended to her in awe and confusion. As if her luck couldn’t get any worse.

She’s run into the human counterpart of her worst enemy.

Author's Note

Trying my hand at a multi chapter story again. This time with an unlikely pair. Don't worry its not a ship fic. At least, I don't think it is. But we'll see where this goes. Thanks to my friends on discord, who encouraged me to write out this funny little idea I had.

Anyway, don't forget to please support me on patreon and or ko-fi! im in a bit of a pickle dental wise and i need a procedure done that my insurance wont cover. you get tons of perks on patreon and you get to help me create my next story! I also have a discord server if anyone wants to join! https://discord.gg/nnqePF anyway, I'll see you guys later. And don't be afraid to tell me what you think!

Chapter 2

Adagio stared at the outstretched hand as if it was a wild beast, waiting to leap at her as if she were its prey. She studied the younger girl’s expression, to see if she knew exactly what she was doing, and if she was just trying to get a rise out of her.

Did she know?

Was she friends with the Rainbrats?

If she did know them, and if they were her friends, it certainly didn’t show.

So many questions swirled in Adagio’s mind, and her lips pressed into a thin line as she took (Not Princess) Twilight Sparkle’s hand, shaking it limply. “So, what exactly does this job require?”

“Well, besides being able to socialize with the customers,” Twilight started, tapping her chin in thought. “A basic understanding of technology.”

Adagio's eyebrow rose. “Define ‘basic’.”

Twilight blinked. “Uh, you know, basic stuff. Specs and all that,”

Adagio stared at her blankly.

“Specs,” Twilight repeated slowly. “Information about the item you're trying to sell,” she could see Adagio was still clearly not getting it. “Features. Like the camera, the brand, stuff like that. You don't really need to be a computer genius for that,”

Adagio nodded slightly, agreeing. “I suppose not,” she idly twirled a strand of her curly hair, waiting for Twilight to continue.

“Besides having basic social skills and knowledge of the products, there’s really nothing else to it. If you need help with anything you can just ask me.” Twilight told her with a sheepish grin.

Adagio nodded slightly, staring at her. This was the princess’s human counterpart? This is what she was up against? A awkward lanky teen who had obviously never went any further with a boy than holding hands?

Adagio was curious, though she wasn’t exactly sure how much she was willing to risk putting herself out there by asking the younger girl anything about the Rainbooms.

Chances were, given her appearance, she should have already run into all of them at some point, especially since they all worked in the same confined space.

Though there was also a chance she hadn’t, which would mean causing the unsuspecting girl to fall into a world she knew nothing about.

And Adagio was not about to take responsibility for that. “So when exactly do I start?” she asked, taking notice of the slight blush rising to the younger woman’s cheeks.

“Oh! Um, whenever you’d like, honestly. We’re really short staffed and having someone like you here might..bring in customers,” Twilight said, twiddling her fingers.

“Like me?” Adagio blinked slowly. “You mean sultry? Seductive? Sex—”

“Pretty.” Twilight stressed the word almost as if it was taking every ounce of her life force to say it. “A lot of the customers are of the Y chromosome, and you...seem to fit their ideal woman.”

Adagio raised a brow. “Sweetie, I may be attractive but I’m no bimbo,”

Twilight’s cheeks flushed even more at that word. “No! No! That’s not what I mean! I just, I think that since you’re more developed than me, and you have what I don’t when it comes to being desirable, I just think it’d be easier for you to sell to male customers than me!”

Adagio began to reply with as smart remark, about how the younger girl had just put her foot even further in her mouth, but an idea struck her.

You have what I don’t when it comes to being desirable.

“Let’s make a deal,” the siren found herself saying before she could even think it through. “I’ll teach you how to be sexy, and you teach me how to be as unappealing as you.”

Twilight was caught off guard by that. “Wha—”

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re not ugly,” Adagio explained, churning her wrist. “Your voice is just really nasally and annoying.”

Twilight blinked, giving Adagio a quizzical look. “I don’t know if I should be insulted or flattered by that,’ she responded flatly. “But why exactly do you want to appear er, unappealing?”

“Have you heard me speak?” Adagio asked, an eyebrow raised. “I sound like I do porn audio for a living,” she pouted. “I'm tired of being fired because of my voice.”

“You get fired for your voice?” Twilight is genuinely confused now; Adagio can’t tell if its out of ignorance or sympathy, but given the sincere look on her face the siren was going to go with the former. “Maybe you should find something suitable for your voice?”

“Are you calling me a harlot, Sparkle?” the siren asked, her tone both amused and slightly offended.

“I—I—No absolutely not!” Twilight sputtered blushing profusely, devolving into a fit of nervous giggle snorts that Adagio almost found cute.

Almost.

She rolled her eyes with a chuckle. “Relax, sweetheart. It’s called a joke.” Twilight couldn’t even handle a simple joke like that. How was she supposed to handle being sexy? Adagio inwardly sighed. She had a lot of work to do.

“Of course!” Twilight squeaked in response, steam practically fogging up her glasses. “Er, in any case, I’m going to need you to fill out the application form so I can formally hire you,” the nerdy girl hastily shoved a paper into Adagio’s hand, avoiding all eye contact. “If you bring it in tomorrow, you can start immediately...er...”

“Adagio,” Adagio said with a curt smile.

“Adagio,” Twilight repeated, returning it in full.

The siren then perked up at the prospect of starting bright and early. “I suppose I should be on my way then?” she chuckled with a wink. She fought the urge to smirk when she saw Twilight visibly gulp. “Tata for now, boss.” she said, with a brief wave of her fingers.

Adagio heard, “Sweet stars above what have I gotten myself into,” as she rounded the corner towards the exit.

In just one visit to the mall, she had proven Aria and Sonata wrong. She had a job, and she had someone to help her lose the seductive edge to her voice. Well, at least when she was at work. When she was out doing other things, she was sure no one would mind. Then again, she was also pretty sure that some lonely virgin nerd wouldn’t mind creaming his pants over her explaining how the latest laptop worked.

Adagio shook her head to erase the thought, fighting off the wave of disgust about to wash over her. A scenario like that was something she’d deal with when the time came. Right now, she needed to rub her victory in the faces of her two siren sisters.

“Hello girls!” Adagio shouted, sauntering into their teeny apartment, arms full of bottles of what Aria could only assume was an assortment of top shelf liquor.

The good kind.

“What’s the occasion?” Aria snarked, eyes following the older woman as she slumped down in the arm chair beside the couch. “Did you empty your bank account to drown your sorrows?”

Adagio gave her a wry smile. “No, actually, I didn’t,” she responded, opening the bottle of vodka she had brought along to the chair with her. She poured a shot into a glass she had collected on the way, and downed it without a second thought, a warm smile temporarily making its way to her usually curled lips.

She could hear the soft approaching sound of bare feet on the carpet, quick and excited. Sonata came into view with a towel around her head, a juice box in one hand and a phone in the other.

The youngest siren glanced at the assortment of alcohol on the coffee table, then at Adagio, who still had the bottle of vodka clasped in her grip. She turned to Aria, confused. “Do I owe you the money, or?”

Aria shrugged halfheartedly. “Hell if I know. Why don’t you ask the porn star herself,” she responded, reaching for the bottle of whiskey adjacent to the vodka. She grumbled when Adagio smacked her hand away with a condescending frown.

“People who bet against me don’t get celebratory booze,” She informed her, placing the whiskey under the arm chair.

Sonata balked. “How did you—”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Oh please. I’ve spent many an eternity with you two. Do you honestly think I wouldn’t have known if you both had bet on my failure?”

Aria shrugged again. “It was worth a shot. So I’m guessing by the ‘celebratory booze’ you landed a job?” she asked, using air quotes with her fingers.

The oldest siren huffed proudly. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Though you will not believe what I went through to get it,” she mumbled in mild annoyance. “The Rainbrats pretty much run the place. Everywhere I looked there was a Rainbrat at every corner.”

“Did they see you?” Sonata asked, leaning in close.

“No,” Adagio responded, pushing her away. “Though I did manage to find Princess Twilight Sparkle’s double.”

“Her what?!”

“Dimensions, counterparts, yada-yada,” Adagio responded blandly. “The point is, this Twilight Sparkle doesn’t have magic and she’s nothing more than a blushing school girl.” she smirked, pouring another shot of vodka into her glass.

Aria seemed like she couldn’t care less. “And? So what's the plan?”

“If I can’t get my revenge on the real Twilight, I can settle for her naive little twin.” the devilish laugh that left her lips echoed through her glass as she took a long sip.

Sonata squinted, mouth open in a silent ‘oh’.“See, this is why people think you’re a sexy dominatrix.”

“Shut up, Sonata!”

Author's Note

I am, so sorry this took so long. A lot has been happening and I'm trying to get back into the routine of writing. Also! I'm looking for some people to watch the spring break cruise special with! I started an eqg server, and it's open to anyone who wants to join. The link is right here! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and I promise I'll be back soon with more content! :twilightsmile: