Elusive: A Detective Story

I should have known better. I mean, I served next to buffaloes during the War so I knew the hatred they receive from some Equestrian citizens it´s unfair; but nevertheless, I should have known better than to trust in that Little Strongheart. Of course, she was the leader of the rare books thieves circle. Of course, she lied to us when we coincidentally ran into her in the Golden Oaks Library just after the latest hit. And OF COURSE, that she was luring me and my date to a trap, intended to kill us both because my marefriend of the week just happened to have the one book that proved the buffaloes did it.

And of course, Elusive was so kind to remind me to every single one of thsi facts as he gloated on me hangin upside down an alligator filled tub.

“...and then I made the connection between the hoofprints outside the library and the ones we found outside the dead book dealer store.”

“Yes Elusive, we got all that. Now will you be so kind as to put us down?!”

“I was just about to do that, don´t fret my old man. Ladies first of course. Allow me miss...who was this one again?”

“Blossomforth.” she basically growled.

“Oh yeah, the flexible one!”

“You know Elusive I rather prefer you leave me here hanging..”

****

“You´re doing it again, Rainbow Blitz.”

The former Mayor of the Equestrian Army look up and was met with the exasperated expression on his doctor face.

“I was doing what again?”

“You startled rambling about a different case.” the doctor said.

“Oh, I´m sorry...” and with that Rainbow Blitz went silent again. After all, the only thing he had left were the memories of his friend. Without them, he had absolutely nothing to say.

The doctor made a few more annotations before he spoke again. “Why don´t we return to the issue with Bubble Berry? Tell me again how was it that you two ran into him.”

Rainbow Blitz remained silent.

“I´m sure this a difficult issue for you Blitz but you need to express what you feel. Working together I´m sure we can explain the figure of Bubble Berry and how it affec-”

“Explaining Bubble Berry it´s easy.”

“Oh.” the doctor surprised reaction was sincere.

“Bubble Berry is...”

********

“He´s a prankster!”

“Uh, a prankster?”

Poor Inspector Butterscotch. He was actually pretty competent on his work but he lacked Elusive curious way of thinking. He was a straightforward type of colt, he saw the world in simple terms, good ponies who had made bad decisions...and bad ponies get sent straight to the moon. So when coming across those complicated types of crimes, those that could be defined as an enigma, he had no idea what to do so he went to Elusive for help.

Granted, the friendship this those had was odd. On a later case, Elusive will confess to me that he didn´t had “friends” but “a friend”, namely I. So his relationship with Butterscotch was more of an awkward business one; Butterscotch will show on our little loft above the Cakes´bakery with a seemingly impossible to solve case, Elusive will insult his intelligence in a pretty obvious manner to everpony but Butterscotch and then we will trot over all of Equestria until we caught the bad guy.

Standard proceeding.

Carry on, old chump.

“Of course he is! Only a spaced goat will fail to make the connections! The use of cakes filled with poison joke it´s a social commentary, each victim specifically selected to turn into a caricature! A tough assertive trainer turning into a wimpy tutu wearing coward, the mayor of our beloved town,a figure of authority, turned into a pink ridiculous clown! Oh the nerves! Since Gabby Gums I haven´t seen some pony had so much courage to mock the establishment!”

“Elusive, this is no laughing matter!” Butterscotch cut down Elusive´s rambling with that peculiar high-pitched roar of his. “Four ponies have already died and two more are in serious condition! If we don´t find this “Bubble Berry” fellow before it´s too late, who knows who else will be a victim!!”

Elusive was completely speechless. I tried to suppress a chuckle. He was so used to think of crimes as mere puzzles that he failed to realize the suffering of other ponies around him. Hay, he was even ignorant to the fact that Celestia raised the sun every morning.

Luckily, the tense atmosphere was cut by the appearance of the bumbling and chirpy new assistant of our landlords , who appeared carrying a tray of cupcakes.

“Tea time!!”

“Umh thank you...”

“Pinkie Pie!”

Butterscotch had the usual reaction than everypony had upon learning the name of the tall stallion. Ironic, taking his own name into account.

“It´s actually short for Pinkerton Desmond Pie.”

“That will be all Pinkerton.”

Elusive tried to hide his embarrassment with a cold attitude. I decide to save him some small amount of face by taking the lead in the conversation. “During the War I saw firsthoof the effects of the poison joke. And earlier today Nurse Redheart took me to the hospital to see the latest victims. It was...uncomfortable. That poor pink pony wasn´t making any sense and the least I talk about the barking one, the better.”

“I personally find disgusting that somepony is using delicious pastries to commit such heinous crimes. Sweets are supposed to make ponies happy, not killing them.” Pinkie Pie said while chewing on a cupcake.

“That´s the whole point. A sick twisted joke. And we´re still missing the punchline.” Elusive said.

“Well I rather not hear the end of a bad joke.” Butterocht said, getting up. “I have work to do. The Mayor conditions is deteriorating. Blitz, if you discover something let me know. Make the little darling send me a message.”

“Oh isn´t Spiney-wimey adorable?” Pinkie Pie was clearly planning to stay in our studio.

Elusive decided to ignore him and went into his “zone” as he called it when he put on his glasses and began working on a piece of cloth or playing the violin. When he got in that mood there was no way on getting him back to reality so I decided to take my leave and escorted Butterscotch to the door, Pinkie PIe waving us goodbye.

“I know he´s the smartest pony in Equestria but sometimes he gets on my nerves!”

That was a strange confession to make for the usual mild mannered inspector to make.

“There´s a criminal on the loose and he acts like it is some kind of game!”

“He is perplexed. He actually has no idea what´s going on so, like a little foal will do, he tries to hide it acting like a jerk.” I said.

“I suppose you could be right. Still, he could be an excellent police officer if he actually cared.”

“You know he never will.”

“Well, I better go back to duty. We have a possible lead. A feather was found near one of the crime scenes and it matches a fugitive, one Gilda Griffon, a war criminal who escaped from Hollow Shades last month.”

“You better watch out, Scotch. Griffons can be pretty nasty.” I said, my old wing wound still aching.

As Butterscotch flew off, I couldn't help but wondering myself what was going on. Bubble Berry´s actions didn't seem to make much more sense. Even if Elusive was right with his theory of the pranks (and he was always right) I failed to see what was exactly his intention with all of this. What was the point he was trying to prove?

Still, one problem at the time. That was the type of pony I was. I had to do something about the Mayor´s condition and I knew what pony to ask. Just then I noticed our lovely dragon assintant helping the Cakes with the store.

“Hye Spines, want to join me in an adventure?”

******

“So, who is this pony we are going to see again?”

“Her name is Zecora and she is not a pony, she´s a zebra.”

“A zebra? What´s a zebra?”

All our way to the Everfree Forest, the little dragon assaulted me with questions. Was this how Elsuive felt when around me? Now I hated him just a little less. Just a little.

“Like a striped pony from a faraway land. I met her during the war and we became friends.”

“Just friends?” How does she wiggled her eyebrows if she doesn´t have none?

“Stop it, Barb. She was a doctor and I was hurt. She didn't care whatever the injured were ponies, zebras, griffons or whathaveyou. She really has a generous heart. And she knows more about medicine that anypony I know so I´m sure she will have some remedy for the poison joke. Hay, these spots in my leg are the proof she can. Although I was just only exposed to it instead of eating it. I wonder how he baked the flower? Did he mad a jam out fo it? yes, that must be...”

“Rainbow, you´re rambling. Again.”

Guess I really do that. Maybe I picked that up from Elusive. “I´m sorry, Barb.”

“And stop calling me Barb! Only my dear Elusive can call me Barbara! ♪”

“Okay. And where does that whole Barbara thing came from anywhere?”

“I don't know. Elusive said I remind him of a fairy tale character. My poor Elusivee! My poor poor darling! I hear him at night, roaming across the studio, shouting that he has searched high and searched low, high and again low, but he can´t still figure it out the answer! Why is this case so complicated, Rainbow? Why is he so obsessed?”

I didn't answer her. The mystery fo this “Bubble Berry” was one that went as far back as our first case together, when a series of attacks were hurting the members of the Wonderbolts. At first, we suspected of the rival team, the Shadowbolts; but Elusive figure out it was one of the Wonderbolts the culprit, the pie loving vice captian Soarin. According to Elusive, this “bubble Berry” was the one who gave the pie to Soarin, but figuratively and literally.

Spines knew all that but there was one thing we kept secret. One thing that only the two of us and I suspected Butterscotch figured it out as well (he´s smarter than Elusive thinks); that the dath of the Soarin was no accident. Elusive had gone all out of his way to solve the case. He became obsessed like he was always did, going to Cloudsdale to catch the pegasus, risking his safety depending on a “walk-in-the-clouds” spell. He played a deadly bet with that pony and had I not pulled that storm cloud our partnership will had ended pretty soon. In a sense, i always thought that Elusive owed me this one. I saved his life but had I never met  him ,I would have probably sunk into depression. Elusive saved me and now I have to save him from this mystery.

“Rainbow?”

“We´re here.”

Zecora´s hut. According to what she told me once, those masks at the door meant “Welcome” but I wasn't feeling a very welcoming air around them. Spines shared my sentiment hiding behind my legs. I knocked the door and was greeted by a familiar friendly face.

“Hello Zecora. I don't suppose you remember m-”

Ah, the old zebra custom to greet you with a kiss. Well, at least SPine stopped being scared to go back to starry eyed romantic little girl.

“Glad to see you alive and well, dearest of my friends./Please, you and your little dragoness on my house are guests!”

Well, I was glad to see she was still speaking in that rhyming style.

*****

Zecora got the antidote just in time to save the Mayor and Butteocht follow the griffon route, cornering her on the Canterlot Garden Party where her next target was notorious entrepreneur Fancy Pants. We managed to save him and put the griffon down after an extended fight. I will spare the details, mostly because half the battle involved the griffon strangling us down until Butterscotch came to save us. Say what you want about the meek pegasus, I do NOT want to be in the receiving end of his Stare.

After all the ruckus (or fracas as Elusive insisted on calling it was over) we find the final piece of the puzzle. A business card from a Berriswainer DaVinci Bubble, the mysterious pony who had sent the deathly gifts to all this ponies, had disappeared in a puff of smoke like a bad performer after an Ursa Minor attack. According to Butterscotch, the griffon had no idea who was the pony who send her the cakes with the instructions but she didn't care. With his minion captured, i assumed the attacks will stop. The identity of Bubble Berry remained a mystery but the imminent danger was over. It was the end of this adventure and with that thought in mind, decided to go and visit Zecora again. Elusive was feeling a bit disappointed that the case had ended on a dead end but I was sure that Spines could cheer him up.

I failed to notice that the business card had a stainiof jam. The same kind of jam that was found in our own kitchen. The stain that made Elusive realize who was exactly the new assistant of the Cakes.

I failed to notice that and when I woke up after passing out on my way to the hut I woke up to the worst of nightmares.