Resource Extraction Site - Low Combat Zone
"This is it!" You tell yourself. "This is the discovery that will put you on the map!"
For countless hours you've been exploring the galaxy. Losing ships to pirates. Collecting bounties... only to be shot down by another pirate and losing the collected bounty. Mining rare substances. Then having your cargo hold raided by pirates. And, perfecting the art of flying perfectly through a mail-slot to land on a platform the size of a Maxi Pad just under the opening where you can't see it, inside a station... only to find out that some of the pirates you shot weren't pirates and you had to pay a fine. Got sent to a detention center. And get a loan for a new ship 'cause you don't have any credits. Twice.
However! Now. Now, you've hit your biggest score ever. You've been scanning planets for days to find that one thing that will cement your greatness in the anals of intergalactic history.
Your ship's scanners droned and a read-out came on screen that you've found a new, unidentified, substance.
This will surely be the universe telling you, "Anon, I'm sorry for being a heartless bitch. Here! Have something wonderful. Something just for you that will make your peers hate you every time they cash-in that one ton, ten-mil credit material that they couldn't find first but you did."
You're practically jizzing yourself as you set down your rusty Sidewinder on the surface of the moon, kicking up just a few not-at-all-world-ending-debris into space. You fumble with your helmet for a few seconds before the excitement is too much for you and you toss the helmet away. You've got a spare in the SRV.
Such a stupid name. SRV. Why don't they just call it what it is! Lunar Rover. Yes! That's what it is. The Lunar Rover. Screw SRV. You remember your history, damnit! NASA did it first.
You hop in the Lunar Rover and drop down to the moon's surface. All the floating lights and shapes come alive above your instrument panel's projector. Each hologram showing you precise numbers and important things you should pay attention to but never bothered with. You're a goddamn astronaut, bitch!
You slam the accelerator and off you go like a rocket with wheels in near zero-g.
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"Where the fuck is my totally awesome, fame-inducing rock?!"
You've been out here for hours. Well, more like a half an hour. But goddamnit, you were going to find that special rock the universe promised you!
You look up and see the Earth-like planet this moon is orbiting. If you weren't so focused on getting what you deserve, you might even take time to appreciate the sight. It's not often such a planet is found so close to your homeworld.
The Rover jolts up violently. You must have hit a rock because now you're spinning wildly through the air. Or, it would be air if this moon had any. You're spinning through nothing! Your only hope is that the gravity of the moon is enough to bring you crashing back to the surface.
While your pissing yourself and feeling that toothpaste-tube astronaut food tickling the back of your throat, you notice the Rover's spinning is slowing down and a deep blue sheen of light has wrapped itself around every part of the vehicle that you can see.
With a sudden jerk, you stop and nearly loose your lunch for the second time today. Heh, that dumb alien at the port didn't take much convincing that you "hit a space bug" with the inside of your ship.
You look around, slowly. There, sitting like a cat watching a fly, is a black horse with a smoky, blue mane and tail, slitted teal eyes, and a very sharp horn protruding from the helm she wore. It takes your brain a moment to catch up, what with all the spinning your head is doing on the inside.
She smiles at you, a sweet, kind smile. Disarmingly sweet. Like the drop-dead-gorgeous, elegant lady you'd see at the bar that likes to splash you with your own drink. She places an armored hoof on the side of your Rover's glass canopy.
You're calm. Yes. Your girlish screams and flailing are a sign of your immense masculinity and bravery. Your brave and spur of the moment plan to scare off this wild and impossible illusion.
She rolls her eyes at you, much like the girls at the bar, and hits the side of the Rover hard enough to make it jolt... and indent the metal. You've stopped shitting yourself long enough to see her forming words with her mouth. She's trying to talk? In space? Well, might as well reach that shaking hand of yours out and turn on the outer microphone. You do, and suddenly your ears are blessed with the sweetest voice you've heard in a long, long time.
"...seen a creature like you before. What is this contraption you ride? It has no creatures pulling it. Such an odd carriage. Are you a king or prince? Perhaps a duke? Oh, it would be just so lovely to have a cultured pony- I mean- creature to talk to! We've been up here so long. Alone. What would happen if..."
Yup, she's a talker. You're not sure what freaks you out more, the fact that she can speak in a vacuum, or the fact that she's alive in that vacuum. Or, maybe, it's because she has teeth like the dragon from that one movie you saw ages ago.
You tap on the glass to get her attention. She stops chattering long enough for you to mime and mouth, "one way audio."
Realization hits her and she graciously bows her head in understanding.
"Ah, my apologies. Then I will ask only Yes or No questions," she says sweetly.
You blink.
"Are you here alone?"
You nod, "Yes."
She smiles. "Are you from very far away?"
Another nod.
"Let me guess how far... the planet above?"
You shake your head, "No" and roll your hand in front of yourself.
"Farther?" she asks, surprise lacing her voice and her eyes widened. "How much further? ...don't tell me, another star?"
You nod once and tap your finger to you nose, mouthing, "On the nose."
"Hmm, very interesting! And did this craft," she taps your Rover, "take you here from so far away? Impressive!"
You shake your head.
"No? Another perhaps? A larger vessel, like a ship?"
You cringe at the thought of your rusty Sidewinder being called something so grand as a ship, but it was. You nod.
"Ooh! You must be duke, then! You have your own ship?" she asks excitedly.
You nod, hiding your shame like your dick size.
"Oh please! Do show me. I'd love to see it!" she says, standing up and walking to the other side of your Rover; which is probably the most impressive vehicle you've ever owned since you became "CMDR (Commander) Anonymous."
You nod your head, no point in hiding it from her... wait... if she thinks this SRV -i mean- Rover is impressive, she might think your ship is god-like! Oh, but you skimped out on paint because you needed the credits to pay back your loan-holders.
Meh, you'll come up with some excuse.
You kick your accelerator on slowly and for the first time, see that the beautiful black horse has wings... WINGS!
She sees your eyes go wide and she rolls her own at you again. Yeah, you should have noticed that earlier. Honestly, your still not sure if the horn protruding through her armor is real or just like padding in a bra; fake but makes her look more impressive.
You lead her to your ship. Haunted by the strange sight of her flying along beside you. Still she's a beautiful sight. Confusing. Beautiful, but confusing. She talks, flies, and lives without air. At this point you're almost certain your brain is having some sort of fever-dream and you're still hurtling out into open space.
You both arrive at your ship. You, slowing down and coming to a halt by gracefully slamming your foot on the brakes. She, landing ever-so softly like a duck in a pond.
Looking at your ship, it's bigger than that panel van you used to drive around parks and schools to get to work, but many times bigger, so maybe she'll be impressed. Just please don't let her say...
"Aww! It's so small. And, cute."
Yup, just like the last girl your dropped your drawers in front of.. and some guys. You shiver.
"Tis a fine vessel, I'm sure it is more than adequate enough to go the distance."
And the pity, comfort line. It feels like your first video chat with your online ex-girlfriend all over again.
She starts asking questions again, not remembering you can't answer in any great detail. She's kind of sweet. Like a naive teenager with a heart of gold and all the innocence that contains. You smile at her, thoughts of a lasting friendship enter your mind and you begin day-dreaming about what it would be like if you just didn't have to talk. Maybe your silence is the price you have to pay for a real friendship. This could be your first real, lasting friendship. And she's cute to boot!
"...Oh! how rude of me. My name's Nightmare Moon. What's yours?"
You snap out of your musings.
"Your name. I want to know your name," she says.
Oh, guess it's back to charades again. You point to your name on your jumpsuit and mouth your name.
"Eenomn a mouse?" she guesses.
You shake your head and mouth your name again.
"Am on a moose?"
You shake your head again, getting a little offended. Damned Canadians and their bagged milk.
Eventually you're able to mime and charade her to the correct pronunciation. You are "Ei-non-ii-mouse."
"Well, A-non-E-mouse, I shall call you 'Mouse'."
Well, if you're doing pet-names now, you guess the two of you are friends.
You mouth, "Okay, Moonie."
She goes still for a second, her eye twitches, then she's back to her sweet self.
"Well, Mouse, I would very much appreciate a ride to the planet above. Could you do that for me?" She bats her eye lashes at you.
You really want to find your universe-given fame rock, but you guess a little trip to the planet isn't going to take much of your time. The universe did grant the precious rock to you after all.
"Mayhaps we should board your rolling craft and you can take us aboard your ship?"
She's giving you bedroom eyes... why is she giving you bedroom eyes?
Moonie's horn is glowing as is the door to your Rover. Huh, so it wasn't fake. Good thing you didn't ask.
Wait, oh shit! She's trying to open the door! You can see it budging! Where's your helmet?! The spare! You need the spare!
You're now frantically rummaging through the little cargo drawers in your craft, desperately searching for your spare helmet. You can hear your friend getting closer to opening the door with each pop and creak.
A screw pops and you can feel your precious air rushing out of the Rover like so much vomit after a night of drinking.
You found it! You can feel your helmet in the back of the drawer below your feet. It's... stuck. Fucking... figures!
Then you remember, just as the door flies off and the air flies out, you remember. This is the busted helmet you kept from your very first ship explosion. It was a battle of epic proportions and glory. Your very fist kill. It would have gone down in history if the other commander hadn't had his sneaky buddies helping him out because "he was a noob!"
You pull the helmet out, and just before your eyes pop like bloody little rotten eggs, you see the broken face-shield and twisted antenna. Ahh, such sweet memories.
You feel like your blood is boiling. Not out of rage, but because your blood is literally boiling. You'd scream in pain, if you weren't so desperately gasping for air. Maybe if the blood and eye juices from your popped orbs wasn't clinging to your face --like the water bubble on that video you saw of the astronaut a long time ago-- wasn't making its way across your face, you might be blessed with some oxygen.
You feel two armored hooves grab you. Your friend is trying to help you! She's so sweet.
You suddenly are tossed out of the Rover and your face collides with dirt. You're still clawing at your throat, but that's definitely dirt you hit.
She tossed you out?!
You can hear her fumbling with the controls of the Rover. She runs over you a few times accidentally, but you're fairly sure one of those times might have been on purpose.
Now you hear... is she boarding your ship?! She's stealing your ship! Now those four ships you were alerted to will claim your special rock for themselves!
You hear her now fumbling with the controls of the ship. Engines sputtering, blasting more moon dirt onto you.
You're fading fast. The boiling sensation has numbed, probably all evaporated. The blood covering your face, nose and throat has frozen your features into a perfect depiction of pain and terror. Your skin is freezing-over and you're fairly certain you can feel your bones creaking from the freezing temperatures.
Your last thought as you face the void, in the void... "I hope you crash and burn! Those patronizing, uninformative, near-useless tutorial missions won't help you now!"
Yes, the woefully inadequate tutorials of becoming a commander will surely be her downfall. You'll have your revenge! The universe loves you! Just like Jebus, who died for your sins, that you might go on sinning. CMDR Anonymous, signing off!
Faintly the last thing you hear is your former friend, yelling at the tops of her lungs.
"The night will last forever! No pony shall escape me now! I am terror! I am the night! I am Batmar- I mean- Nightmare!"
Author's Note
Hope you all like this! it's a quick little idea I had and really wanted to see it happen.
