Blood Candy

by om_nom_nom

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Big Macintosh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Comedy
Length: 2376

Pinkie Pie discovers that vamponies do exist and that hunting them sucks. Literally.

Pinkie Pie wakes up in a cave and upon exiting, sees Big Mac walking through the Everfree Forest. Together they kill her first vampony, and they begin to work together to protect the world from the undead. But vamponies are not the only ones whose hearts are on the line. Big Mac x Pinkie Pie shipping

Huge thanks to Penumbra_Gryphon for dealing with my horrible grammar!

Published 2012-08-02 16:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-02 16:24:01 UTC

First Blood

It’s dark.

That was all Pinkie Pie could say about where she woke up. She felt something dry around her mouth. She licked the area around her mouth slowly, trying to figure out what the mystery substance is. The stuff encrusted around her muzzle tasted vaguely like strawberry jam. She continued tasting, still trying to figure out if it was jam.

Nope, not jam! Does taste pretty good though, I wonder if I could bake some cupcakes or something with it. I’ll call it ‘Super Duper Secret Cupcakes’! Nah, I already made something called that last week. I’ll ask the Cakes to come up with a name after I figure out what this delicious thing is.

As her senses began to come back to her, she started to see more of her surroundings. The pink pony glanced around. Her signature Pinkie Pie grin rested comfortably upon her muzzle.

Whoa I’m in a cave; at first I thought I was in some creep’s base. Hey look a rock. Ooo I like this game! I spy with my little eye something sharp. Is it a stalagmite? No silly, it’s a stalactite! What’s the difference? One grows from the ceiling, one grows from the ground. Yep!

She started to get up from the cold, wet ground. Her mane was slick from the water, but for some reason she wasn’t cold at all. In fact, the cold temperature of the cave was actually pretty comfortable. Pinkie Pie continued to look around the cave, walking curiously through the cavern. It was dark, but Pinkie managed to see enough to continue playing her game. A pain on her neck began to make itself known.

Owie! Hm… that’s not good. Oh I remember now! This extra shady pony was following me down an alleyway when I was walking home after a sampling of different kinds of sweets. And I was all like ‘You one of those creeps that do bad things to fillies?’ And then he started laughing and was like ‘Don’t worry cheery, I just wanted to say hi.’ So I was like ‘Nuh uh’ and I ran away as fast as I could. Then I tripped and hit my head on something. I guess he left me for dead in this cave. I’ll get Twilight to fix me up as soon as I leave and then we can play detective like we did on the train and find that creep! Now where’s the exit...

The pink pony continued walking around feeling for any small holes she could fit through.

There has to be an exit somewhere around here. I mean how else would I wake up here? Well it’s better than waking up in a roadside ditch for not using DirectTV.

Pinkie made her way to the end of the cave, yet saw no exit, and then turned around.

Silly me, I was looking away from the exit the entire time! I mean no one can miss a giant hole like that one!

Pinkie Pie hopped towards the exit, and left the cave. The full moon illuminated the otherwise dark Everfree Forest, and she could see almost as clearly as daytime. The mare began to wander through the Everfree Forest, hoping that she would reach Ponyville or Zecora’s hut. As she walked, she noticed that the forest was not as frightening as it usually was. It seemed much calmer than when they fought Nightmare Moon. As she walked into a small clearing, Pinkie saw a large red pony with a deep saffron mane muttering to no one. The distinctive scent of blood hung in the air.

“Go find the vampony, they said. It would be easy, they said. Nope.”

I wonder what Big Mac is doing out here by himself. I know he’s a bit quiet and likes to keep to himself, but why would he walk in the Everfree forest?

“Hiya Big Mac, I’m kinda lost. I’m so glad I found you oh and you should probably get those cuts fixed up. Twilight’s working on a new invention that uses unicorn magic to heal whatever it’s pointing at. She wants to call it a ‘Heal Ray’ but I think ‘Medi-Gun’ sounds cooler,” Pinkie rambled as she started to gallop towards Big Macintosh. She managed to reach him in a short amount of time despite their distance, but that didn’t surprise her. She could outrun a speeding Rainbow Dash after all. “So can I come with you?”

“Nope.”

“Why not? We can keep each other company, since I imagine it’s kind of lonely out here walking at night,” replied Pinkie Pie. She continued following him through the forest, even with his verbalized objection to the idea. They ventured through the forest, Big Mac looking around as if he was waiting for something bad to happen.

“Hey Big Mac!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. The crimson stallion glanced over to the pink pony in time to watch the mare jump up and tackle him to the ground. A dark shadow nearly crashed into the ground in front of the two ponies. It had expected the red stallion to cushion its fall.

“Hello Macintosh Apple. I see you have yet to bleed out. I was careless the last time you encountered me, but I assure you that this time it won’t be so easy,” hissed the pony in front of them. By the sound of her voice, Pinkie Pie could tell she was female.

Something feels off about her… but I can’t tell what. Big Mac did say something to himself about vamponies, but we all know those don’t exist… Right?

“Care to dance? Our last tango was cut short,” Big Mac simply replies. He grabbed a thick stick from the ground and pointed it at the female pony.

“Careful Apple, you wouldn’t want your fillyfriend to get hurt,” threatened the female pony.

“Ain’t my fillyfriend,” Big Mac replied as he lunged at the pony with the stick. The female pony moved to the side and trotted toward Pinkie Pie.

“This is between you and me, Countess. Leave the filly out of this!” Big Mac shouted angrily. He never liked to see innocent fillies get hurt. Before Big Mac could protest further, the Countess grabs Pinkie Pie from behind with unnatural strength. The baker could feel the Countess’s breath against her neck and sensed the pony’s head get closer.

“What are you doing?” Pinkie Pie screamed as she spun around. With a forceful shove she knocked the Countess to the ground and pinned her there. Big Mac, seeing his chance, galloped towards the struggling mares and raised the stake in his hoof. The Countess shrieked in pain as the stake was embedded in her chest. Her eyes went from displaying deep hatred to showing a look of fear. Blood sprayed out of the wound as the Countess continued to shriek. Dead silence followed shortly after.

“Um Big Mac, what is she?”

“That there is a vampony. She’s been bothering Ponyville for a while now, causing ponies that walked the streets at night to disappear. You’re lucky she didn’t bite you, I told you to go away and leave me be,” Big Mac chastised angrily. Pinkie Pie backed away slightly, frightened by his sudden change of tone. Upon seeing this, Big Mac tried to relax a bit. “But you somehow managed to pin her down, even with her impossible strength. Maybe I do need an Element of Harmony with me when I am hunting vamponies like Luna suggested. Would you like to be my partner?”

Vamponies… they’re real? And that offer, do I really want to kill others, even if they’re evil? Maybe I could try; Big Mac did say that he might need some help. And the Princesses are fine with this after all.

“Sure, partner.”

A Nighttime Stroll

Vamponies are real. I know for a fact now that they aren’t just an old mare’s tale.

Pinkie Pie and Big Mac had buried the vampony’s remains in the forest, and had begun walking back toward Ponyville. The entire time, Pinkie was thinking about the night’s events. If you had told her yesterday that vamponies existed, she would have called you silly. If you told her that today, she would take you much more seriously. You’d still be called silly though.

I wonder if all the legends about vamponies are true. I know everypony, but I don’t think any of them hate garlic. Or stay indoors all day.

“Hey Big Mac, since we’re partners in this whole vampony hunting thing can you tell me all about them? Since you said it’s a long walk back to Ponyville I think we have some time to kill, and I love talking so it’s be a great way to spend the time!” The pink pony slowed her pace, making sure not to leave Big Mac behind. She had already found herself getting ahead of him by a large distance four times tonight.

“Eeyup. There’s plenty to know about vamponies.”

“Well?” Pinkie looked at the red stallion for a while, waiting for him to start talking. By now she had stopped moving, giving him time to catch up with her. She looked around; the Everfree Forest seemed a lot brighter than it did the last time she and her friends were here.

It must not have been a full moon I guess.

“So you gonna tell me about this vampony slaying business or are we just here to have a stroll through the terrifying woods?” Pinkie Pie continued looking at Big Macintosh, anticipating some sort of response.

I knew that he doesn’t like saying much, but jeez we’re together in this hunting thing. You’d at least expect him to open up a bit.

“Let’s start with a bit of history. No vampony slayer knows exactly when the first vampony appeared, and neither do the princesses,” Big Mac began after a short pause. He did have some ideas of how vamponies started and the princesses probably just want to keep the origins secret. However, such theories weren’t very relevant for this lesson. “But we all can agree that most of them are nothing but trouble. Princess Luna, being in charge of the night, makes sure that everything supernatural is also in check. Anything that can and wants to live among normal ponies is allowed to. That is if they behave. If the princess hears about any problems anywhere, she’ll get a slayer to take care of it,” Big Mac stated slowly. He took a long pause, studying his novice partner to see if she understood everything. Satisfied, he continued speaking.

“The Apple family specializes in vamponies. There ain’t nopony that can do a better job than we can,” gloated the red stallion, his face beaming with pride. “Over the years we’ve learned all about a vampony’s strengths and weaknesses. They have superhuman abilities and are immortal. Anything you can do, they can do better. They also can control emotions; the stronger and older ones can even control thoughts to an extent. They heal incredibly fast and almost are never sick. Some of the more powerful ones will have special unique abilities.” He paused, making sure he covered all the strengths of vamponies. Big Macintosh always felt the best way to fight something was to know everything about the enemy. When he finished going through his mental list, he began to lecture Pinkie about a vampony’s weaknesses.

“Vamponies can only be killed in certain ways. Beheading is a common strategy, along with a wooden stake to the heart. Some will burn at the touch of silver, but it’s not a reliable method. While holy water can burn them and cause pain, it won’t finish them off. Neither will sunlight, but it will cause weakness. Garlic only annoys them, but that’s about it. Then again it also annoys your date,” Big Mac said, chuckling at his last sentence. He wasn’t the type to enjoy monologues, but when he talked with Pinkie, it seemed different. The two continued walking through the forest in silence for a few minutes, before the stallion spoke again.

“I’m sure I’ll remember some other stuff to tell you later. You understand everything I just said?”

“Yep! And look, we’re at the edge of Ponyville now. Nice timing Big Mac,” Pinkie Pie said happily as she skipped towards town. Big Mac walked behind her. He never had noticed before when Pinkie visited his sister, but the baker pony did have a nicely shaped body. It wasn’t athletic and toned like his sister or her rainbow friend, but she wasn’t fat either. Instead her body was curved in all the right places to make a colt stare, and he was quite sure colts did stare. It was fine for them to though, they were strangers, but he and Pinkie had a professional relationship now. Romance would only make things difficult.

“Hey Big Mac what are you looking at? Did I get some leaves stuck on me or something?” Pinkie Pie turned around, noticing the pony’s gaze without ever directly looking at him. He mentally lashed himself for being so obvious and possibly speaking aloud.

“Nope. I was just thinking about when to start your training.”

Pinkie thought for a second, then spoke. “Well I still have to work at Sugarcube Corner with the Cakes during the day, so I guess night time would be best.”

“Works for me. I have apples to buck during the day. Well I’ll walk you home, and then be on my way.”

The two walked, or in Pinkie’s case bounced, down the street to Sugarcube Corner. Big Mac tried not to think about her, fearing that she could tell when he did. Meanwhile, the baker had something on her mind.

And then he’s quiet again. Just when he started talking more too! Silence is boring…

“Well we’re here! Bye Big Mac see you tomorrow. Tell your family I said hi. Oh, and tell AJ thanks for helping me remove the toffee from my hair this morning. I swear, I had no idea that my hair wasn’t actually made of cotton candy.”

“Um will do. Good night Pinkie, see you tomorrow evening,” replied Big Mac. He then turned around and walked back home.