Masked by Fear. Bound by Love.

by Funkyfresh

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Suicide / Self Harm, Romance, Sex, Profanity, Violence, Human
Length: 17071

A humans that thinks he's a monster in their eyes, and ponies that find him absolutely adorable.

Ash appeared in the Everfree Forest three months prior and has since carved out a small haven for himself. Though he wishes to approach the people of the nearby town and befriend them, there is one issue. They are all cute, talking ponies and surely they would be frightened by a big, scary human. Right? So for now he watches and tries to find a way to be among them without causing fear. He is content to wait, until the day he heard a young girl scream and everything changed.

No clop here... yet? Don't know, don't care. I'll make adjustments as the story progresses. Also I added something on the cover to look at. Probs looks like shit, but it's better than nothing.

Well I ain't dead yet, so here we go.

Published 2018-08-30 05:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-12-24 03:25:21 UTC

1 - Changing of Seasons

Ash held the vine-rope firmly in his hands; first a loop, go down, back up, spiral down, through the hole, and finally giving the top of the rope a pull. He increased and decreased the size of the noose, making sure the knot was good and finding it to be so. He firmly tied the rest of the rope around a nearby tree trunk and threw the noose over a branch above him. He loosed it enough to fit over the neck and... Done! Another mannequin complete and properly set up with the noose keeping it upright and the cloth around its throat to get his scent on it.

"And that should be the last of them. What do you think about all this Myrtle, having to set up all of these mannequins to keep the little beasties outside the perimeter?"

"..."

"No, you're right about that no need to apologize for the harsh truth, but it's still the best plan I've got for keeping them away while I try to head on out around the town. It's been a good two weeks since I've able to go very far without them threatening the camp."

"..."

"You're very right Myrtle. It has given me enough time to make the disguise as best it can be made, I even got the support straps right so I can walk like one of them now without looking like some horrific goat-man."

He was in fact wearing the disguise right now in an effort to get used to moving in it more naturally. Though he still knew that his presence would still bring the residents of this place fear, he hoped that his wooden mask in the semblance of a pony and wooden hooves with the rig that would let him walk on all fours, would assuage some of that fear so that he may peacefully communicate eventually. It had taken many failed attempts, but the disguise no longer looked like utter garbage and the cloak that he had gotten (it was actually the handkerchief of that nice sea serpent with the amazing mustachio down the way) was able to hide the rest of his form. All in all he looked really shady but at least they wouldn't think him a monster at first sight... Hopefully... Running is always an option.

At this point he turned from the mannequin and began his normal routine of cleaning up his camp and making sure all the defenses were intact; walking the perimeter, repairing the wooden barricades and low stone wall where necessary, putting any foodstuff either up in a tree or buried within his atrocious pottery project (thank goodness for that clay soil near the river,) then finally checking the basic irrigation canal that he had spent weeks digging from the river (damn that clay deposit).

After this was done he began preparing for his first potential encounter with the townsfolk, which he planned to be tomorrow. Everything was packed and ready, now he just had to get some rest and wait until... *Ahhhh!* The piercing scream of a young child filled his ears and sets his heart racing.

"Oh hell to the fuck nah." he said as he hefted the splitting ax that he had fashioned and charged towards the source of distress, only pausing to grab his pack.

There was absolutely one certainty in his mind at this moment, absolutely no one fucks with a child while he has life in his body and an ax at hand.

Perspective of Diamond Tiara

How did she end up in the woods.

Snap!

Not just any woods, The Everfree. No sane pony goes here.

Snap!

She was bolting through the brush as fast as she could, not thinking of where she was going only what was behind her.

Snap

The timberwolf hounding her, however was still snapping at her tail each Snap! causing her to cry out in fear. The little filly had already tired herself out and now the reserve of energy her terror was giving her began to run out far far too soon. Her bleary, tear stained eyes and terror filled mind did not even see the root that lay in her path until she rocketed into it and tumbled downhill and came to a rest in a small clearing.

As she lay there, exhausted and unable to pick herself back up, she cried and babbled and screamed for help... But nobody came. She knew no pony was around as her voice began to crack and ache. She knew no pony was going to miss a spoiled brat like her, and she bawled her eyes out in sorrow and in fear. As the lichen-covered monster slowly stepped into the clearing and approached her, she let out one last broken plea, "Please sob sob help me..."

And then she heard a mighty roar coming from behind her as something there screamed, "TYR!" Then a large stone blade filled her vision as it moved over her head and smashed into the side of the timberwolf, cleaving off one leg and rending a large chunk of it's front. Then the ax went up and down in one smooth motion, making the beast's head take a leave of absence from the rest of it's body.

After taking a brief moment to gaze up at her savior, she promptly said, "thank you," and passed out.

"Oh the poor dear," he thought as he picked up the unconscious filly. He had wanted to go to the town tomorrow, but her friends and family must be worried sick about where the battered little filly had gotten to. As he was thinking about this, the timberwolf found that this was the opportune moment for it to reform. It was wrong. Ash happily lopped off its legs, after setting the young one down, and proceeded to choke the beast. Normally choking a nigh unkillable wood-beast wouldn't work out too well, but Ash had found that if he concentrated on that weird buzzing feeling that he had felt when he had arrived those three months prior, he could either drain or expel the some of the energy around him or inside other things. Needless to say, he was quite satisfied when the pile of wood gave one last yelp and fell into pieces of kindling.

Once again picking the child up and made his way to the pony village. After swinging by his camp to drop off his ax, best first impressions do better without it most likely, he began quickly making his way out of the Everfree. It was towards the edge of the Everfree that he had started to hear the distressed voices of the adults, calling out for the child cradled in his arms. Shifting from his normal bipedal stance into the quadruped one, one of his arms still cradling the child, he made his way towards them while calling out that the child was safe.

"Please let this go well, please let this go well, ..." He muttered to himself as the adults rushed towards him.

Perspective of Applejack

"Tiara! Diamond Tiara!" She called out as she and her family as well as her friends combed the wood line, looking for any trace of the errant filly.

Her father was getting a bit frantic in his callings, but over the din of the search party she heard something.

"Hello!? I found her! The child is safe!" an unknown voice within the forest called out.

"Girls, somepony's in the woods over there saying she's safe." Applejack called to the rest of the group, leading them towards the voice. All of a sudden everypony in attendance gave a collective gasp as a pony, seemingly made of wood, approached with a sleeping Diamond Tiara in his hooves. After stopping halfway between them and the woods the strange wooden pony set the filly down and moved back several paces. As soon as he had let her go, her father had rushed over and scooped her up, then retreated behind the rest of the group.

"Listen here stranger, we thank you kindly for bringing her back safe and sound, but what the hay are you?" Applejack asked, eyeing the stranger with suspicion.

"Now AJ that is hardly the way to thank somepony who just saved a filly from the Everfree. Thank you darling," Rarity said turning to the strange pony in front of them.

The wooden pony gave them a brief bow and turned to Applejack, "I understand that you are wary of me, but I had hoped that this form would be better received than my own. Please know that I mean none here any harm, and just wished to make myself known. The little one was being chased by one of those 'wood wolfs' when I found her."

Everypony's eyes widened at the prospect of the filly being caught by a timberwolf. Then Twilight spoke up, "What do you mean by 'this form' and what happened to the timberwolf?"

"I am not made of wood, but I thought that a form more like your own might make you more accepting. As for the 'timberwolf,' it will not be a bother again." He said, a biting edge to his voice now.

"Wait. How in tarnation did ya do that?" Applejack asked in disbelief.

"She is right, a timberwolf will reform no matter how many times you smash it to pieces." Rainbow Dash put forward. "There's no way you could make it 'not bother anypony again.'"

"If one drains them of their energy, you can." Stated the wooden stranger.

"Drain them?!" Twilight exclaimed, "But how? I think that we should take some time to hear what ... Um what is your name?"

"I am Ash, a pleasure to meet you all. I would be happy to tell you what I can."

And with that, the assembled ponies and the strange being among them made their way further into town.

Author's Note

Although I don't yet know what this story will all contain in the future, but I do hope that you will enjoy reading it.
Please let me know if you catch any errors or if you have any feedback.
Thanks for reading.

2 - Walk and Talk

While the ponies that he had met not too long ago lead him further into their settlement, they began to introduce themselves to him. While he had heard the orange one being called AJ, he learned her name was 'Applejack' and that it was her family that owned the orchard they had met at. The pink one had barely gotten through telling him her name was 'Pinkie Pie' before she had suddenly remembered something and zoomed off, quick as can be. When asked the rest of the group simply said that was how she was most of the time.

The two pegasi introduced themselves as 'Rainbow Dash' and 'Fluttershy', the former being loud and proud while the latter was meek and shy. Finally the two unicorns of the party gave me their names, 'Twilight' being short and to the point and 'Rarity' stopping and offering her hoof to me. While Twilight looked like she was about to chastise her friend for expecting the strange creature to understand pony etiquette, I merely adjusted my mask so they couldn't see my face while I gave her hoof a light peck after holding it with my wooden hoof.

"Well Twilight, at least we know that whatever sort of creature he is, he is at the very least a gentlecolt." Rarity said with a light toss of her mane as we all continued down the road to town.

The apparent father of the child was still quite distraught with what had occurred and was still busy fussing over the sleeping filly and too busy to give me his name. I believe I heard them calling out Diamond Tiara, so I guessed that it was the girls name. It didn't matter too much to me though, the most important thing was that she was safe and sound, back in the arms of those who cared for her. I was still a bit worried about what sort of damage that sort of scare would cause her though.

"Tell me Miss Sparkle." I started.

"Please sir, just call me Twilight." Twilight stated as she butted in.

"Well then Twilight." I said giving her a small sideways glance. "Will the young one be alright after all of this?"

"Well darling, that's awfully kind of you to ask." Rarity said while giving me a pleasant smile, with others in the group sounded their agreement.

"Well Ash, after a good bit of rest and a return to normality she should be just fine." Twilight spoke with confidence. "We've already given her a once over and other than a couple scraps and cuts from her tumble through the brush, she is perfectly fine. Thanks to you."

Finally looking up from the filly who had begun to stir, I was greeted by the wet eyes of a concerned father. "Thank you sir, you brought my little girl home safe."

"It's nothing at all sir, if anyone would let the cries of a child go unanswered then they deserve to burn in the deepest of pits." The ponies around me were a bit taken aback by my sudden anger, but after a look among themselves they agreed that it was a matter best left alone.

"Well sir, my name if Filthy Rich and I can assure you that I always pay my debts." At this he looked down at his little girl. "And I owe you a great deal." He finished nuzzling Diamond as she woke up.

As she climbed out of her father's grip she looked at him questioningly. "Daddy? Where are we? What happened to the"-Eep! she yelped as she looked over towards me. "Y-you're the one that saved me? Where's your ax?"

Aj looked over at me warily. "Ax?"

"I'm already a wooden stranger from the dark, scary woods." I replied simply. "Would you rather be prance about with it?"

Rainbow Dash snorted a bit at this, while Aj gave her the stink eye. "Well ah guess ah can't fault you for that one. Most ponies around here are skittish enough as is."

Almost on queue, a trio of ponies with a yellow coated and red haired pony at their lead stopped and gasped at my appearance.

"Oh no! It's a-a-a..."

"A kind creature that saves fillies and treats ponies with respect." Rarity offered.

"The horror, the h- wait what?" She asked confused.

Before that conversation could go any further Twilight ushered us into a large tree that was hollowed out to fit a library inside it, leaving the confused ponies outside. It was then that she showed us to an area where all the others sat on various pillows or just on the floor. At the same time the small purple and green lizard that I had seen in my observations walked into the room with a tray of goodies in his little claws.

"Whoa Twilight, where'd ya find a wooden pony? And why's Mr. Rich here with Diamond?" The small reptile asked.

"Well Spike, this is Ash. He saved Diamond Tiara from a timberwolf and brought her home. Also he's not actually made of wood, he's just wearing a disguise so the townsponies don't freak out as much." Twilight answered.

The small lizard looked at me with a bit of wonder, as one does with strangers who fight monsters and wear masks. Little guy probably thought I was some kind of hero from a comic book. Or monster.

"Wow! You're like a hero from one of my comics! Can I have an autograph?" Spike asked with eyes full of wonder, pen and paper outstretched.

While a bit surprised from his enthusiasm I decided to oblige the little guy. "Sure just let me take care of this thing." I said whilst removing my wooden forehoof, setting it on the floor and keeping my arm underneath my cloak. As I signed my name on the paper the young reptile picked up the fake hoof and studied it in amazement.

"Wow, this thing lets you walk like a regular pony?" Spike asked curiously.

"Spike! It's rude to touch things that don't belong to you." Twilight admonished, even though I could tell that she was dying to get her hoofs on it.

"It's fine Twilight, he was just curious is all. Here you go little guy." I said as I slipped him the autograph whilst keeping my body hidden. As he took the paper I slipped the fake leg back into place.

"Huh, what's all this scribble?" Spike looked at what I wrote confused.

"My name as it is written." I responded.

"Doesn't look like common equestrian to me." He held it up to Twilight.

"Huh, it isn't. Mind if I run this through a translator spell?" she looked between Spike and myself. After both of us shrugging her horn began to light up. I did not see what exactly happened, but when she was done she set the paper down on the table and the words were in a different script than I had written.

"Ash, of the Wood by the Sea?" Fluttershy asked.

"I don't know, it's the family name." I said holding up my fake hoofs.

"Sure you're not really made of wood?" Spike joked, getting a couple laughs out of those in the room including myself.

"I'm fairly certain, but for now I'm sure that you would all like to hear what I have to say about how I've come to be where I am now." Seeing the nods of those around the room I continued. "Well I arrived at what I think was about three months ago..."

Author's Note

Yay! Second chapter out. I'm so happy that you guys like the story so far and I hope that you enjoy where it leads, but for right now any comments about what you think or mistakes that need fixing are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for the read.

4 - Painful Realizations

Hey there boys and girls want some PAIN!?

Because that is all Ash felt as he lay on the hard dirt... Dirt? Hmm, smells like dirt, feels like dirt, and from how far his face was mashed into it he could tell it tasted like dirt. He was able to open his eyes for only a moment before lancing pain shoot through his eyes, nearly blinding him. Why was everything buzzing? It felt like he was in constant contact with an light electrical current, except instead of the usual feeling of electricity this sensation also including feelings bordering on burning and being frostbitten. There were other sensations somewhere in that haze of feeling, but these were the most prevalent at the time.

Then the sensation began increasing, getting stronger and stronger until it felt like he was grasping an electric fence whilst burning at the stake in the coldest circle of hell. All he could do was scream and writhe on the ground as this sensation of painful energy flowed over his body, until at last it began slipping inside him. With this pain he could feel every nerve, vein, and everything else inside his body pulse with this energy only for it to pulse back out of his flesh into the air around him. He lay like this for untold hours, his shrieks of pain slowly dying as the vocal chords that sustained them began to wear out. After another hour or so, the pain began to fade into the background of existence and even though he could still feel this energy it wouldn't bring the same pain as it once did.

It was still later when Ash finally recuperated enough to be considered fully conscious by a drunken man, but so exhausted was he that he simply edged a piece of cloth over his eyes and fell asleep. He could not care about his surroundings or what threats might be lurking there, the only thing that mattered was the painless realm of sleep. At least, it's usually painless.

Perspective of Luna

It was not often that the lunar diarch felt as she did now, a mix of curiosity and trepidation playing through her mind as she approached the strange dream that lay before her. The strange magical burst that had appeared earlier did nothing to alleviate her worries, as no information regarding it had been uncovered so far. Only that it was felt across much of Equestria. Though she normally stayed away from the dreams of non-ponies, this one was clearly having a nightmare and a nasty one at that. Fearing that it may have consequences if left unattended, she steeled her resolve and made to enter the dream.

The only major issue that presented itself to her though was that she would have to enter through the beings mind, rather than directly into the dream as this was a creature she had not done this with before. Though little danger existed, the creature's mind was still alien in nature and would be difficult to navigate if she lost her way. So she tried to pierce the veil of it's mind closest to where she thought the nightmare was located. When she entered it's mind, she immediately saw two things; a door the left that emitted darkness and a sense of dread, as well as a door to the right that was merely covered by a silk sheet with soft light emanating from it.

"Oh dear, oh dear. Why are you not in uniform deary?" A voice behind Luna spoke, making her hairs stand straight. Not out of surprise, but because the voice will motherly and caring was at the same time like something out of a nightmare.

Slowly turning around she saw something that truly surprised and somewhat frightened her. An enormous spider that was clad in silken nightwear. If not for the absurdity of what it was wearing Luna would have likely attacked it on the spot.

"Oh my, oh my. What a pretty one you are." the nightmarish spider crooned, as if to soothe the pony before it. "Just wait right here deary and we'll get you something absolutely wonderful!"

As the frightening creature moved down the hall that had been behind the lunar diarch when she had first arrived, she saw more similarly clad monsters lounging about. From the feeling of the first door and the sounds coming from the second, she came to the realization that this was the space in the creatures mind where Fear and Lust met... At least she had ended up near the source of his nightmares.

Luna then hurried to the first door before the strange spider came back with her 'uniform.' The thought giving her the 'Hee bee gee bees' as some of her little ponies would say.

Ash was alone... everything was so quite and muted, nothing would come into focus. He was in a great room, so high was it's ceiling that it faded into blackness before he could see it and the edges of the room were what seemed like miles away. In this titanic space, were giants could stride there was simply... nothing. It was in fact the great vastness of this place that made the hollow feeling inside of him grow exponentially, trying to spurn him on. To do something foolish. He knew this nightmare well, he had been here often enough. He would either have to bear the great weight of this hollow space until he woke, or the nightmare would drag some innocent person to suffer a worse fate alongside him.

He of course did not have any say in the matter of someone else barging in.

Luna burst forth from the doorway, closing it in a mad dash as she heard a terrible, yet oddly comforting voice call out to her, "Oh dear, oh dear. Please wait! This one would perfectly accentuate your-!" The door slamming shut before the creature could finish.

"NO!" Some distant figure called out to her in distress as great chains burst from the floor and circled around her neck, dragging her towards the being that called out to her. Before she could make out any of it's details however, a sudden roaring form above drew her attention as what seemed like an entire ocean bore down on her. After it washed over her with the weight of a small mountain, she began to make her way to the waters surface until the chains that had dragged her towards the center halted her efforts.

As she gazed through the murky waters of the nightmare she spied an interesting shadow, and the shadow gazed back at her, only it eyes visible through the watery depths with an intense gaze and little else. As it did she wondered, 'what does this creature think of me?'

Author's Note

Well kiddos, that's all for this chapter. More dreamland awaits next time as well as a fun surprise.
As always please leave anything useful that you wish to share in the comments. Thanks.

P.S. Yay! Only blacked out three times whilst staying up finishing this one.

5 - Dark Dreams

Stupid pretty pony princess, I thought as I watched the blue equine realize that it was being kept from the surface by the chains. Stupid, because she had burst into this room and didn't even take in a lungful when the water came down. Pretty, because... well she was a strange beauty with stars in her mane and a beautiful coat to match. Not to mention the sharp, intelligent eyes that locked onto mine showing me that it was, in fact intelligent. Albeit a dream construct and as for the other things, they were self evident from her crown and form. At least it wasn't that spider with the lace, thinking about it still made me shiver.

This nightmare had been haunting me for some time and it rarely showed the same participant that would be bound with myself by these infernal chains. This was however, the first time that the other subject of my nightmare was a sapient animal as far as I could tell. Most of the time if it wasn't a human, it was a young animal that I would feel sorry for and want to protect. Other times it would be the various people that I had known throughout my life; coworkers, acquaintances, old friends, ... family. This pony was very detailed though, it was an odd thing for my mind to conjure something like this and try to make me care about it when I had never seen or known about it beforehand. For some strange reason though I did. Maybe it was how real it looked, despite being a pegacorn princess with stars in her hair that is, or maybe it was how fluidly and confidently it moved in my nightmare.

Maybe it was how it locked eyes with me and started to swim towards me. That was definitely a first, most of the time they would try keep swimming up or just pull at the chains until we both drowned. My heart actually started to race, this time not from the impending watery death, but instead because with her I had a chance to escape this nightmare for the first time. Over the course of the other nightmares that I had suffered through I had found that at the bottom, where the chains were held, was two buttons that had to be pressed at the same time. I had never been able to do it on my own, I had even tried using the chain to press one, but it hadn't worked. As I looked back to she if she was still following me, my heart swelled with hope as I saw that she was already moving to one of the buttons and was prepared to press it. We could do it, thank you!

Perspective of Luna

The strange creature that she was stuck with certainly seemed to be the subject of the nightmare, and she saw it's eyes light up with hope. Currently it's eyes were the only thing constant about its form as the rest of it's body seemed to constantly shift and change, although it was mostly obscured by shadow so she saw very little of its body. She followed the strange entity to the bottom of the room where their chains were held and saw immediately what it was trying to show her, a pair of buttons that would likely have to be pressed around the same time to activate. She did not know what these buttons would do exactly, but for right now they were their best chance at escape as her powers over this dream had not fully manifested yet.

When both she and the creature were positioned at their buttons they both pressed theirs after a nod of confirmation. The chains at their necks then went limp and easily slid off and they were free to swim to the surface, the only issue being how far away the surface was from their current position. The creature had taken a great breathe before the water had come down so suddenly so it might make it, but even with her alicorn fortitude she had barley enough air to make it a fourth of the way before she started to choke. 'At least the creature would have escaped it's nightmare and I will have fulfilled my duty to those who sleep within mine and my sisters realm.' Luna thought to herself as she felt herself begin to fade from the creatures dream.

Suddenly she felt something grasp her and pull her close. It was the creature trying to save her by swimming with her, but she saw just as well as it did that it could not pull her up to the surface and with so much further to go it was running out of time.

Please let me go, I have done my duty! I will be fine creature, just save yourself from this nightmare!

No matter how hard she tried to push her thoughts to the creature, it would not let her go to save itself. She started to feel it's movements slow and it's grip loosen when her mind finally found the resolve that she needed to do what had to be done. If the stubborn thing wouldn't save itself from this nightmare then she would just have to dispel the nightmare itself from the astral realm of sleep.

Gathering the last of her energy that she was able to spare, she tried to banish the nightmare only for her form to be pulled from the creature's mind at the same time. This turned out to be catastrophic for the poor thing because instead of the 'needle' of Luna's spell swiftly and precisely destroying the nightmare, it was instead torn from it's mind while the needle was still buried deep tearing open its psyche and throwing it's consciousness into the astral realm. She would have tried to save it from being lost, but she had a duty to protect everyone else from the nightmares that were spilling out of it's fractured psychic sphere and could not spare enough time to stop it.

Oh no, no please no. Stop! Why is this happening? I was just trying to help the pony...

HELP THE PONIES

W-what?

Before I could focus on where that voice had come from I was rocketing in an entirely new direction, flashes of images flying through my head until I was finally stopped by a larger bubble of flashing images. As I slowly sunk into it, I began to realize that I was in a new environment, more specifically a child's bedroom.

Why am I in here?

As I pondered where I was now I heard a small whimper come from underneath the covers of the bed, where I spotted what looked like a scared child was hiding. I had thought that I was the one scaring the child so I tried to soothe them by speaking softly.

"Hey, there kiddo. I'm not here to hurt you or anything, I just happen to be a bit lost at the moment so you don't have to be afraid of me."

"I-I'm not afraid of you... I'm afraid of them"

"Sorry what was that d-AH!" As I had been trying to listen to the scared child, I had not noticed the giant spiders crawling down from the ceiling. Yes, giant spider from the ceiling and here I was without my napalm. Instead, out of reflex I swung my arms like I was wielding a blunt instrument as I was more used to and surprisingly a crowbar connected with one of the nightmarish spiders. I was surprised to say the least as I stood there with my crowbar covered with spider gore, so many memories of my youth playing on the old computer came flooding back to me then. Large amount of head-sized bugs? Check. Badass protagonist with a crowbar? Check. After letting out a small, "Mr. Freeman." I set to work.

With more of their focus on being scary rather than actually being able to fight back, I was able to swiftly dispatch all of the nightmarish spiders with great ease. It was almost therapeutic. After making sure that there was no more threat to the child I made my way over to them to make sure that they were okay.

"Hey kiddo? The monster are gone, you're safe now. Kid?" As I pulled back the sheets of the child's bed I found that they were a pony, much like the one from my nightmare except this one had neither wings nor horn. She did have a large red bow in her hair... mane? Whatever, she was adorable and she was safe and that was all that mattered. She did seem a bit frightened by me, so I made sure to toss my precious crowbar aside before holding up my hands to her.

"See, kiddo. I ain't a monster and I just want to help."

At this she lost some of her previous fear and seeing the dead spiders she lost the rest, albeit with a bit of her appetite if she had any at the time.

"So what're ya mister? Some sorta ghost?"

6 - Shady Assistance

Author's Note

Thanks to everyone that decides to give this a read for the first time or for those who I left hanging for a few years, I have tried editing this to be less cringy at times as well as sprucing it up a bit. Get it Spruce? Like the tree? Ehhh I'll just leaf.

Please let me know of any outstanding errors or possible improvements.

6 - Shady Assistance

"So what'n Equstria are ya mister? Some sorta ghost?"

Ash looked down at himself and realized that he did in fact look like some sort of apparition with his shadowy, half-formed body. She could probably even see right through him in some places, which made him a tad self conscious about this... Projection of himself.

"Hmm, my body is a bit all over the place right now. Let's give this a try."

He focused on how he should look in this dream, pretty much just wishing really hard. At first he tried to make the real him pop up when a better thought crossed his mind. If he tried to look more like her then she might just calm down a bit more, but he couldn't just make up one from his mind. That would likely end up smack dab in the middle of the uncanny valley for her. Instead he just called up the image of a vague pony-like figure made of wood.

"Yer a pony made of wood?" Applebloom asked, tilting her head in confusion.

"Not really, but for now this is the best I can do. Now how about we clean this mess up."

At this Applebloom groans thinking that she'd have to do menial work even in her dreams, but instead he simply focused the corpses and what came out of them away. Ash then focused on the ambiance of the dream, turning it from 'dreary despair' to 'cozy comfort' with with a wave of his... hoof? Oh yeah, hmm weird but not terrible.

"Huh, so it's like I'm lucid dreaming instead of just being trapped lucid in that nightmare again." Ash say as he tried to clench his hand into a fist and the wood that is where his hand would normally be creaks ever so slightly.

"Lucy dreaming? I don't know what that's supposed to be but I'm the one that's dreaming here mister..." At this point the small pony tilts her head a bit as if asking his name.

"Ash... and while not as...confining as most of my dreams as of late, I do appreciate the fact that I can still conjure up absolutely bonkers situations like this. First a pony princess with a moon on her butt shatters my nightmare and now I'm the figment in some tinnier adorable pony's dream. Now the only question is why so many ponies? Hmm I should probably lay off the sugar for a bit when I... When did I go to sleep? What was I even doing before I went to sleep?"

"Uh, Mr. Woody? I don't really know what you're going on about, and thanks a bunch for helping me with the nightmare but could you leave my dream now? I was having a really good idea for the talent show coming up before those spiders showed up outta nowhere." The positively perplexed pony propositioned.

"Heh, sure kid, just stay away from juggling chainsaws okay?" I say as I concentrate on ending this section of my dream and poped out of existence.

"Juggling chainsaws?" the small pony hmmed in consideration before hopefully forgetting that particular idea as they slipped back into their natural state of dreaming.

"Weird that the little one said those spiders came outta nowhere like that. I mean that is how nightmares usually work right? Then why did she look more confused than terrified, and why did those spider look so familiar..." Ash tapped his now wooden hoof to his chin producing a clacking noise which derailed his train of thought.

"What am I even bothering to think about what a figment of my imagination thinks or how they act, they look familiar because they came from my mind not some dreamt up pony. Hell I remember getting covered in a horde of small spiders that looked like those back when I lived at... When I lived at... Fuck I can't remember right now but it doesn't matter" With a huff Ash finish his small rant.

"There's nothing else to do, but carry on with this weird fever dream until I wake up and go back to my next shift at... Whatever! I don't need to remember the name right now I just need to deal with what's in front of me." As Ash said this another sphere of dream stuff coalesced and he began pushing into it. This time instead of materializing in a small child's room he appeared inside the mouth of a cave as far as he could tell. The only audible noise that could be heard was a slight whimpering that was reminiscent of a small dog.

As someone who could never leave well enough alone when it came to other peoples problems and as someone who only almost punted a small dog once when it got bitey with some kids Ash set out to see what he could do to remedy the pained whines that echoed down the ever darkening cave. The further into the dank cavern he descended the more frigid the stale air seemed to become, almost choking and driving him back out of the tunnels and out of this dream. It was tempting... letting the foul air push him away from this dark and terrible place, he knew somehow that if he let it he would wake up soon after. Finally he would be free from this strange series of dreams and return back to the waking world, and yet Ash could not bring himself to damn this soul, imaginary or not to as intense a night terror as the ones that have plagued him for so long.

So it was that he strode deeper and deeper still, till at last he came upon the source of both the dream within his dreams and the sounds of fright that drove him to action through the miasma behind me. It was now that Ash understood why the air seemed so keen on chocking and driving him out from this place, it was because the suffering individual of this dream so happened to be barely keeping their nose above the dark earth that they were buried in as well. Not wanting to suffer this place, nor let this dog suffer the same any longer than needed he moved towards it and began to clear the area around its nostrils which had just about been covered by the dark soil that seemed so alien compared to the rocky floor around it.

With it supply of air returned to survivable levels the canine began to calm and as such Ash was able to work upon clearing more soil away from its head, the eyes being wound shut against the invading dirt and debris, until he was able to get to the real prize. Once he had cleared the ears of the dog that was so trapped under the dirt that reminded me greatly of a fresh grave, Ash began to administer gentle reassurance and calming tones to the frightened animal until he began to feel the body stop shaking in fear. As it began to rise at a snails pace he knew that saving this one would be much harder than destroying a few head sized spiders dripping with venom, Ash would have to keep this dog calm and still to get it out of this mess. Flashes of howls amidst the pounding of thunder and shrieking rain brought him to the conclusion that this may be more difficult still, depending upon the hound itself so he continued his ministrations in the hopes that it would soon be free.

Unfortunately the mutt had other plans, for as soon as its left paw was free it began clawing at the surrounding dirt even as it sank lower and lower towards an early burial.

"Ahh, it is like quicksand or that one plant from the wizard story," Ash whispered as he thought up a way to save the beast. In a desperate measure to save it he took hold of its' snout and let out a soft growl as he commanded it to be still and silent.

"I will not let you bury yourself simply because you are too scared to wait to be free. I will stay with you until it is over, but you must relax and stay still!" Ash emphasized by giving its' held head a light shake.

"I don't fully remember when, but I was stuck in a situation a bit like yours once you know. It's mostly bits and pieces that flash into my mind if I think about it enough, but I'm deeply aware of what its like to be buried... On the verge of being denied breath by just a hair's breadth. The panic, the blood rushing throughout my body with barley enough oxygen to carry. The urge to claw and bite and scream as the earth weighs on my chest, letting only the smallest of breathes to be made. You don't have to worry about someone coming to save you though. You won't have the fear of being completely and totally alone... Because I am here."

It was only able to give a light huff and a whine in response to Ash as he was holding its muzzle shut and upright, with the soil having nearly reached its mouth again in the midst of the struggling. So there he sat for what seemed like hours, keeping any shifting soil and debris from covering the now placid dog as it slowly was lifted from an early grave. Given the previous contents of his dream he was not overly startled by the fact that the dog that he saved was more bipedal and humanoid looking than what he was expecting, though he was surprised by how unique and alien it could appear to be despite being a figment of his own twisted psyche.

"Mmm thank you Shadow, you saved Rover from the worst death a Diamond Dog could possibly suffer." Rover, spot on name brain, muttered as he shook any excess dirt of himself.

"What, dying in a dream?" As Ash said this he looked down and realized that he had indeed become a shadow of himself again. As a mental exercise he reformed the wooden pony mask that he had worn in the previous dream.

"Even in a dream, for a Diamond Dog to be buried alive is both a disgrace and very scary indeed Wood-pony Shadow thing. We are some of the top, if not best diggers in all of Equestria for our tunnels reach far and wide" As if to demonstrate his point the... Diamond Dog? I really am losing it. He started to dig straight into a nearby rock wall as if it was wet sand on a beach.

"Well you're safe and no longer suffering a nightmare so I think my job here is done Fido.."

"Rover. Fido is much smaller than me and not as good and powerful a digger as me."

"Uh uh? Well I'll make sure to call on you if I need a hole dug in the future, look forward to the opportunity Rover." At a sad beeping noise and weak wheels slowing down around a bend in the tunnel he looked back at Rover.

"Seems my heads leaking into here a bit so I should head out, I assume I'll see you around somewhere else Spike." Ash said as he begin to leave the sphere of dream-stuff.

"My name is Rover! Spike is the annoying small dragon!" Rover calls out as Ash left for another sphere, causing him to roll his technically non-existent eyes.

As soon as he pushed myself into the next sphere he knew that he was definitely still having at least a partial nightmare as in a white void that painfully empty aside from a large jar of cranberry jelly of all things, another pony that was adult size this time slowly emerged from the jar and blinked it's crazed eyes off sequence towards him.

"This is going to be a long night isn't it?" Ash asked to whatever demented god of dreams had decided this was to be his night.

Unfortunately, it got much worse when he woke up.

7 - Unbearable Situations

"Oh hello Mr. Dirt, you are very dirtful today. In fact some may say that the dirtness of your dirt is the dirtiest dirt that they've ever had the pleasure of having stuffed into their mouth. Well only if it was helping rid them of the foul taste of blood and vomit from their tongue. In which case you're doing a fine fuckin job here!" Ash shouted as ge washed the combination of aforementioned filth from his mouth with a bottle of water. This was obviously not the first thing that he had said when he woke up as that was more of a bundle of painful moans, sickly groans, and none too few curses.

"Okay, so aside from waking up with dirt, blood, vomit, and what I think was an acorn in my mouth I'm also in the middle of nowhere with no idea where the nearest town is or why a bunch of my junk, self included, got dumped out here."

Painbow

"Fuck, yeah and can't forget what has to be close to my record of head pain. Glad you remembered to remind me!" The pained human ranted as he glared at a nearby rock, mostly because he didn't know what had caused said pain, but stones had done likewise often enough in the past.

"Why the hell is this happening to me... Ugh, head's too fuzzy right now for thinking about the past, just need to calm down and focus on the now. So... what is the now?"

All around him there were scattered items that he was fairly certain belonged to him ranging in value and current usefulness, though all were arrayed in a way that made them seem as if it were all dropped from the sky itself. Then he spotted it, the glorious treasure he longed for, the combo of a bottle of jack sitting next to some aspirin (*Don't do this, whole do as I say not as I do thing.*) After downing a little of both Ash woozily stood fully upright for the first time in hours and gods did he feel it at first.

"Okay, immediate needs? Thirst is handled, I think those are some nature bars over there to munch on, Compass is fucked but I have the sun, if I have to stay out here there's some tarp for a lean-to and a sleeping bag..."

A howl pierces the air in the distance.

"And if I can't avoid those pupperoni pizzas I have my tourney sword... Not the best of situations, but I can make do. Then once I find who put me here I can skin them with a butter knife."

With a resolute nod Ash gathered up what he needed to take with him and proceeded to put it all inside his old Alice pack so that he could find the nearest town or road, before leaving though he did grab all the non-essential items and with some tarp was able to hopefully store it all safely in the hollow trunk of a dead tree that he marked with some red string and a carved mark that he made with a pocket knife.

"Height, height, somewhere tall with possible sight lines... Aha!"

With a quick readjustment of his pack Ash started hiking towards a hillock upon which he had spotted a great tree that should let him see far above the tops of the surrounding woods, only stopping once every few hundred meters to apply a smaller mark allowing him to know the direction of his stash. Upon reaching the bottom edge of the lonesome hill which was a great deal larger and further than it originally seemed Ash found a huge entrance to a cave which seemed like a fun place to explore, but first he had to get his bearings and get back to civilization.

"Spelunking into badass looking cave later, finding and skinning assholes with blunt object comes now." Ash huffed out as he started the climb to the tree sitting at the peak very glad that he had decided against wearing his tourney armor on this little jaunt. After an uneventful climb up he set his pack down next to the trunk of the unfamiliar tree, it almost looked like pine but not quite, and with a good few feet of rope started the climb up. As he climbed he kept an eye out for any sign of a town or road, but it seemed fruitless until he saw the hint of an orchard a bit back in the direction of his stash.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Hmm?" Ash looked down from his position about halfway up the tree and froze, eyes nearly bugging out of his skull.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Lazily making its way up the hill towards the tree that Ash way now hiding in was house-sized monster of a bear that wore the constellation of Ursa Minor upon it's pelt. He held his breath as this behemoth stomped closer and closer until it began rising up on it hind legs. Ash nearly shouted then, but realized what the creature was doing just a second too late as it brought it back onto the trunk of the old tree and knocked him from his perch and unto the great bear's shoulder as it began to use the pine as a backscratching post.

Oof.

Ash hesitantly looked up after regaining his breath and saw that the ursa had spotted him and ceased it's scratching, looking at him with what he hoped was curiosity and not hunger. Ash knew that there was only one option that he had, one chance to subdue this mighty beast... Thus he inched his hand into position and...

"Scratchy scratchy scratchy?" Ash hopefully said while his hands were busy scratching for all they were worth on that one sweet spot that Koda, a bear that he had worked with at some point, had absolutely loved being scratched on. After a pregnant pause with nothing but the sound of scratchies being given the great bear gave a light huff and resumed nearly breaking a tree that was probably twice Ash's age in half.

Shaking with relief Ash began trying to inch his way back to the tree so he might make his way down before the bear returned its' attention to him now that his ministrations had ceased. Unfortunately that is just what happened as the big blue bear brought it's paw over towards him to try and make him resume. Too busy to pay full attention to where it's paw was going, the bear ended up jabbing its' own paw with one of the more resilient tree limbs and let out a yelp of pain. Of course to Ash this sounded more like a roar of hunger so he got the hell off of it as soon as he could. After quickly descending to his pack Ash was ready to bolt it down the hill and into the woods where he might lose the bear, but something about the noise it was making cause him to pause and look back.

"No. Nope, I am not helping that hulking behemoth of a bear! No matter how much it looks like Koda, it is still some freaky monster or hallucination that I should just leave here unless I could find house-sized bear tranqs."

*Sad bear noises.*

"Not gonna do it."

*More sad bear noises.*

"Ain't gonna do nothing but go my own way."

*Even sadder bear noises.*

Ash looked behind him one last time before descending the hill and returning to the woods and... The damn thing was looking at him with actual puppy dog eyes. Big ol' honking puppy dog eyes full of tears.

...

"Fuck." Thus with his single solitary fuck to give for the day Ash began approaching the sobbing bear.

"Now you better appreciate this and not squish me okay? I'm just gonna get that thorn out of your hide right buddy?" Ash continued to try and placate the beast as he approached it with open palms and soothing words. Surprisingly the bear actually seemed to understand that he was there to help and lowered its' paw down for him to inspect.

"Huh got quite the booboo huh Boo Boo?" Ash joked, trying to lighten things mostly for his own nerves as he slowly approached the offending tree limb. More of a branch really, especially compared to this huge bear that could probably turn him into jam if it felt like having some toast the size of a billboard. His worries turned out to be relatively unfounded Ash found out as aside from another light yelp of pain when it was removed, the now calm usra let him clean the small wound on it's paw without much fuss.

"There you go big fella, all nice and clean. Now if you'll excuse me I really should be, nononono!" Ash started backpedaling as the usra moved its' great maw closer to him in what he thought was an attempt to consume him.

*Wild Big Ol' Bear used Lick! It's super effective.*

"Blegh, aww why'd you have to go and give me a slobber shower? Well thanks for not eating me bud, you got a name?"

*Non-affirmative bear noises*

"Alright then, how about I call you Lil' Dipper huh?" Ash jokingly asked while whipping some of the bear slobber off of himself.

*Happy bear noises.*

"Lil Dipper it is then, well Dipper I best be heading back to uhhh. Well I had best be going to where I'm trying to go, where ever that actually is. Then hopefully find that I accidentally took the wrong pill earlier and I'm really just sitting naked in a dog park next to a friendly pug or something." Ash gave his new, likely hallucinatory, friend a pat on the snout before heading back downhill. It was not long before he realized that he was not actually moving and that Dipper had picked him up by his pack.

"Heh we might be friends now, but I still have to get going bud. Look I promise that if it turns out I'm not tripping balls right now I'll come back later with an oil drum of honey or something similar okay?" Seemingly content with his promise Dipper carried Ash down the hill and set him down next to the entrance of the cave he had seen earlier. With another near drowning in bear slobber out of the way Dipper made his way back inside what was in fact it's home. With the ambient light that seemed to follow the bear everywhere Ash was finally able to see what lied at the back end of the cave and if his recent diet hadn't mostly consisted of a dirt pallet cleanser he might have dropped a brick right there.

*Very Large Bear Noises.*

"Well, I guess that explains where the big Dipper is huh?" Ash chuckled like a completely sane human who did not just see a bear that could probably eat a blue whale and still be hungry. Thankfully Big Dipper seemed content to go back to sleep after Lil' Dipper cuddled up to them and Ash made his way back into the woods where he may or may not have had a slight nervous breakdown before heading back towards where he saw that orchard.

"Gods I hope that Dipper is the weirdest thing that I have to deal with today." Unfortunately for Ash, it wasn't.

Author's Note

Hey, did you know different soil types taste different? Well after many years of being thrown face first into various biomes soil in my life and nearly being buried alive at least once I can tell you that dirt always sucks ass. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was one of the few that I didn't write while drinking... mostly.

8 - Taste of the Past

Fingers nervously dancing along his sides as his mind struggled to calm down as the sights that met his eyes kept throwing him further and further down the rabbit's hole, except Ash feared that the rabbit was still digging deeper just for him. He had seen some startling things after the accident, but these things were starting to feel too real and continuously present to be something that a bit of shock therapy could drive off.

"Everything's going to be fine, I just need to find the orchard. Orchard means road, road means town, town means liquor store, and if I'm blackout fucking drunk I won't have giant bears licking me all over... I think."

Ash continued to mumble to himself as he trekked across the strange woods that had produced so many terrifying and fascinating sites, creatures, and maybe even dreams. He pondered if it was these twisting game trails and gnarled roots that had so influenced his sleeping mind so, maybe he was still in another layer of dreamscape that he was yet to awaken from. The thought sent a chill up his spine for as far as he could remember these were the worst sorts of dreams, for no matter how real they seemed or how long they dragged on he would end up back in those chains with the water rising as it always does.

"No, please no... I don't care how many monsters I have to avoid or how many woods I have to be lost in just please let that be the last time I dream of that place. Please.. please.. please..."

Suddenly desperate to prove that everything was really real, Ash began trying to go through his senses with tests. He dropped down to the forest floor and began to stare intently at the miniscule details such as the small hairs on a nearby beetle or the fine lines upon a half decayed leaf before grabbing a stick and writing the words 'This is real, I am real, what I see is real.' Ash spoke these words aloud as he read what was written, listening to his own voice whilst also listening to the drone of insects and birdsong.

Spotting a nearby thorny bush he grabbed at the prickly plant to test his pain response, following a slight curse he found that he had already moved on to taste as the coppery taste of his blood was clear to him once he put his finger in his mouth to stop the bleeding. Looking back to the bush though he set his mind to trying to identifying the plant, testing to see if it was some amalgamation of plants or the real thing. Ash was actually quite happy to be only slightly familiar with the gooseberry bush that he had grabbed, that meant that it wasn't what he thought a gooseberry bush should look like but instead a more real example.

After grabbing a few berries to nibble on Ash returned to wandering in the direction of the orchard, using the sparse glimpses at the sun to keep his direction decently straight. Feeling comfortable that he wouldn't wander to far off track once he had been walking for a few minutes he resumed his ponderings.

"So as far as I can tell everything is real and I'm only on the edge of being insane. That brings me to wonder where the hell I am... The large overly affectionate bears remind me of when I was in Cali, plus I think gooseberry is a mostly American plant so I think I'm still near home which is... Hmm, that's not good."

Ash takes a moment to slap his cheeks a bit to help focus before continuing his self evaluation.

"I can remember states, basic ideas, and generally who I am. However I can't remember any faces, where I exactly grew up, or fine details of my own history... Fuck maybe I am going crazy."

His train of thought thoroughly derailed by the more intense light of the clear sky on the other side of the brush he had been pushing through, Ash shielded his eyes from the bright light and gazed out at the seemingly endless rows of apples trees.

"Easy to get lost in a place like this if you don't know the way... Eh fuck it, not like I'm not already lost as it is and what's the worst that can happen if you get lost in a place where food is literally growing everywhere around you.?"

Seeing no activity he pushed forward and began to walk down a row at random, only stopping to pick an apple off of a branch and inspect it. Finding a nice red delicious in his grasp, Ash took a tentative bite out of the fruit and smiled as a seemingly familiar taste washed over his tongue.

"Hap....day Ash!"

Frowning Ash bite deeper as a hazy memory danced across his mind, feeling like he was trying to grasp something deeply important to him. Something... lost.

"I'm sor...sh. We didn't have enough for a real cake. We'll try har...xt year...

"Deeper!" The deeper he bit the more he remembered.

"...'s okay! Birthday pie is just as good as birthday cake, besides I really like apple Mo...

"More!" As he chewed through more to retrieve clarity he barely felt the seeds and core pass his lips...

C'mon lil b...you should feel M...'s belly! They said her name's gonna be...

"No bring it back! Deeper!" Ash barely flinched as the last sliver of apple was forced into his mouth as he bit down further, the taste of blood twisting the memories to another time and place... The sickly scent of blood and smoke burning it's way back into his mind as he gagged and sobbed, but refused to let go of his vicious grip upon his own hand as he clawed at his mind to remember...

...

Eventually Ash rose from the ground a whiles after his stupor ended, having cried over faces he couldn't see and names he was unable to remember. Wiping his eyes and wrapping his hand in a light bandage from his pack he gazed down at the ground and saw a red, shining apple sitting there. He crushed it underfoot and shouldered his pack as he continued down the orchard rows.

Author's Note

Hey hey people, Fresh here. So I have been gone dealing with the never-ending tirade of bs that plagues my life but before I end up having to deal with more I thought I'd try to push out a short continuation to this half-decent story that I'm glad some seemed to have enjoyed.
I am trying to get started on it again and I hope that I can keep the creative juices flowing.

9 - Monstrous Memories

Author's Note

Hey y'all, back at it with the heavy chapters. So be warned it's not really feel good in this one, but ya have to have something bad to know what's good right? I do plan on things approaching a lighter tone and happier moments happening later on, but right now tis the time for fleshing out. Besides the only way to go is up right?

Just have to be careful not to fall.

Tbh about 3/4 of this was written all at once so sorry if I made some mistakes and as always I appreciate that you took the time to read this and if you have input I'd be glad to hear it.

9 - Monstrous Memories

Still being shaken from his first experience in the orchard, Ash had decided that it would be best to keep his guard up until he had figured out what was really going on here. If things like Lil Dipper were really running around these parts then maybe it could be reasoned that this orchard is something more than what it appeared to be. The apples that he had seen so far all seemed a bit too nice looking, like they wanted you to eat them so they could drag you into half seen memories that might not even be real.

"Fucking perfect apples in their perfect orchard, giving me imperfect memories... and for what huh!? Is that their oh so sinister plan? To make me feel like I'm going crazy cause I can't even remember who those people were? Maybe they're just figments that don't mean jack! Maybe I really am going crazy cause I'm shouting to nothing in the middle of an orchard!" As Ash finished his latest minor breakdown with a huff, he turned his gaze outward from himself to busy his mind with scanning the area for something. Anything he could find to stall what felt like a increasingly steep descent into a ravine of madness that he was unlikely to be able to escape from.

*Snap*

Immediately turning and crouching towards the noise Ash felt around the nearby earth for anything to throw, his hand flinching away from an apple at first before he shook off the fear and made ready to throw the delectable projectile with one hand as the other rested upon the hilt of his blunted sword. Letting the rush of approaching combat envelope him, Ash gave a feral smile as he prepared to throw himself at the perceived threat, softly whispering a bit of madness towards his mighty foe.

"In this world it's yeet or be yeeted punk..." Upon hearing the cracking of a branch on the other side of the tree Ash had taken cover behind, he leapt out with a roar and came face to face with... with... A slightly overweight rabbit that was quick to leave naught but a few of natures 'lawn chocolates' behind...

"Why is this place either wildly crazy or horribly mundane? I mean I'm glad I don't have to fight a three headed Jabberwock or anything but a tubby bunny is the thing that sets me off like that?" Ash sat down underneath a nearby tree, giving the rabbits departing gift a wide berth, and tried to calm his mind with a bit of deep breaths. After a decent while of calm nothingness, he prepared to throw the apple he still held before it could tempt him into those enveloping memories. That is until he heard something that gave him his first earnest and unburdened smile since he had awoken.

"Flutter, are you sure your little critter saw right? I reckon somethin as scary sounding as that would be out trying to terrorize the town already instead of scaring bunnies in my orchard." A voice that spoke with such a familiar twang that Ash could swear they'd be wearing a Stetson and riding a horse.

"I'm sure my little bunny friend embellished a tad, but I don't think he'd lie Applejack. I just hope it's not as scary as he made the creature out to be." The second voice had such notes of kindness and gave of such a sense of tenderness that activated the part of Ash's brain that made him look at something and simply think, 'protect this thing with your life,' though he was having to strain his hearing slightly to catch everything she said.

Not really paying attention to their words as he was simply glad to finally hear another person, Ash started to stand and emerge from the trees that were between him and the newcomers. It was with reluctance though that he retreated further into cover, after all there was no telling if these people were the ones that left him in the middle of the woods. Or even if they were people at all if the orchard and Lil Dipper were to be taken into account.

"First we wait, then we watch, and finally we win." Ash mumbled to himself, the words strange yet familiar as they came unbidden to his lips whilst he ran his hand over the hilt of his training sword. Looking down he wondered just how well he could use it, he felt that he was confident in his ability but was that fiction too?

"What's that little one? Mhm? AJ, he says that we should be careful. The monster he saw was holding a sword or some kind of metal thing." Ash froze as he heard this tidbit...

Sword? Monster...?

"Hmm? Oh he says that it was scarily tall, with limbs that could just reach out and snatch you up to his razor sharp teeth." The soft voice was lacking in most of it's kindness now as Ash felt more and more fear creep into it, something about that fear was tugging at his heart...

Sharp teeth? Tall and scary?

"But he says the worst part was the soulless, beady eyes. An awful mix of colors like some horrible mashing of things that stare into you with hunger and hate..."

Ash could hear the soft voiced one start to quake with fear as he fully realized that they were talking about him. He could see now that they truly weren't human like he had feared, but instead small, soft looking equines with big emotion filled eyes. Normally he might find these entities adorable to no end, but at the moment the soft-spoken one with with wings was visibly shaking and trying to say something further to her non-winged companion.

"A-A-Applejack? M-maybe we should go and get the other girls for something serious like this. What if the monster tries to attack or eat us like it almost did to Peter." It.. no she had started to hide herself within her hair as she gazed around the orchard with fear, eyes passing over the foliage that Ash had tucked away into. His own eyes turned to the other as she responded.

"I reckon you might be right Fluttershy, but I ain't gonna let some monster run around in my family's orchard to cause Faust knows what kind of damage. Let's be on our way quick now." The Stetson clad pony that had seemed so trustworthy now had a look of what seemed to be outright aggression and potential hate for the 'monster' that was less than fifty meters away.

As the pair turned and quickly cantered off to who knows where, Ash sank further down into his hidey hole and began to breath out of rhythm. Then he felt them... the memories like the ones from the apples started to flood into his mind. Memories of faceless people surrounding him throughout his life with similar looks of hate and fear as those two... faces that had gazed upon him since he was but a child with his off-putting shade of hazel eyes that were oh so curious about everything. Ones who were supposed to care for him shying away from his inquisitive stares and leaving him aside.

"He just fucking stares okay? Doesn't cry or make much of a fuss like most of the kids, god I'm glad when he does! Means I don't have the brat watching me with those weird ass demon eyes. Did you know a bit of his eyes are kinda reddish? Gonna probably tell her that he's acting up too much to be back here..."

He could hear the others he was around calling him names and leaving mushed up crayons or muddled paints in the shape of eyes. Adults doing nothing but telling him to clean up the mess and to stop trying to get attention. They would talk behind his back but never meet his eyes unless they were all together.

"Mud eyes, Mud eyes!"

"Stop looking at us, Psycho!"

Ash pushed weakly against ground around him, unable to get up as his breath became more erratic and his throat tightened as the invisible attackers closed in. After all, 'sticks and stones' can only be true for so long until their words no longer satisfy their hate. Then the real taunts would start, followed by something else...

"Take this you fucking Psycho!" *Thunk*

"What are you gonna do about it huh? I beat the freak can't even cry normal, lets see!" *Slap*

Why should people care about a little childish prank or some name calling? It's just a bit of harmless schoolyard fun, kids throw dirt and things around all of the time so why should this one get so worked up about it? It's not like the other little angels would ever put a rock in the mix or go too strong with the pushing and shoving...

Ash weakly cried as the memories flooded over him, unable to breath as the memories of so much pain and years of abuse swarmed his mind. All of that hate started why? Because his eyes were a slightly different shade than normal? Was it the way he'd stare so often at the world around him in curiosity? He felt the hate that others beat into him with their whispers and stones seep into his eyes as he curled up and drove his palms into his eye sockets as if he could hide them from the world and from himself...

Then he remembered the fear... he didn't know when it was supposed to be, the day that he finally snapped and became what they had molded him into... A psycho. A muddy eyed monster. Ash felt the tears flow even more freely as he tried to smash his brow into the earth again and again and again and...

"Please no... I didn't want to be a monster. I DON'T WANT TO BE A Muh-monster... not again."

But he couldn't stop the memories and he couldn't stop remembering how good it felt to be the one making them hurt, making them bleed... Making them all afraid again, because when they were afraid they didn't beat him. Because when they were afraid they wouldn't steal his lunch and make him go hungry. Because seeing them broken on the fucking ground felt oh so good... and wrong.

Ash didn't know how long he lay there barely able to breath, barely able to cry, and completely unable to stop the repeating torrent of memories he couldn't even say were his for sure anymore... Who was he anymore? Was he really Ash or was he the monster and freak that the memories and stares said he was. Were the bare minimal memories he woke up with even really his or were they also some figment that this hell forced into his head... Part of him wished it was true so that the memories he was trapped in now could be called fake too...

But what the mind forgets the body remembers all too well... The taste and texture of blood from a beatdown. The smell of someone urinating themselves when he'd say they're next... All these things and more that bring about a feeling of rot and shame in the gut that made him hate himself far more than anyone else could.

"I... I'm not going to be a monster again, not even if my life is at stake."

Upon uttering these words Ash felt a new memory pushing the old ones out and bringing them to a close... He was holding something when he last said these same words... the next thing we had said was-

*SNAP*

They were back, those who even without seeing his face had begun to see him with fear and hate. Ash made himself a vow as he dragged himself away from the orchard and deeper into the relative safety of the woods. He would make sure that these people.. ponies.. whatever they would never see that side of him, that he would find a way to earn their trust...

"I just have to make sure they never see my face or body in general... Easy right?"

10 - Nananana Swamp Dude!

*Back in the present*

Ash sat before the gathered ponies and breathed deeply, lightly shaking beneath his wooden guise after he had given a more summarized version of his story up until the orchard. He had left out some of the more personal details and thoughts, but in the end the girls could likely guess that whatever this creature was that it was damaged. The young filly Diamond Tiara had fallen back asleep from exhaustion almost as soon as he had begun his tale so she and her father had left before learning much of anything. The six other ponies, Pinkie having reappeared with a bucket of popcorn shortly after the tale began, and single dragon all gazed at the wooden stranger with various emotions upon their faces.

"Sorry about the interruption everyone, I... I think I just need a moment to calm myself." Ash swallowed heavily and looked down. He knew recounting many of these event's wouldn't be pleasant, but he hadn't known that they would cause this strong of a reaction. "I'd hate to be a bother but would it be okay for me to get some water before... What? Why are all of you just staring at me, I told you that if you had questions to feel free to ask them... Girls?" Ash was taken aback when instead of answering him the gathered ponies started to approach him in a semicircle causing him to back away slowly as the one that he had observed as being the shyest, the demure pegasus Fluttershy, moved the closest before slowly wrapping his cloaked form in a light hug. Ash flinched at the contact at first, but soon relaxed into the embrace with a hidden smile. For even though he could barely feel the pony through his disguise, he could indeed feel the warmth of her kindness from the action itself.

"I'm so terribly sorry that we made you feel like some kind of monster mister Ash and especially about making you feel like you had to hide yourself away from our town and live in the woods." She gives a light sniffle that would have melted even the coldest of hearts.

"An while I'm certain no apples of ours's could have caused whatever vision you were talkin about I am mighty sorry they ended up hurting you. I'm also downright ashamed that I made you feel like that without givin you a chance to defend yourself." The one with the familiar twang was holding her hat in front of her now as she looked down.

"H-hey now none of that you two, you were both worried about your friends and neighbors right? I mean I've lived around the things that go bump in night of those woods for a few months now so I understand why you'd be afraid of something strange coming from there of all places. It just hit me somewhere I'm not so great at dealing with..." Now it was Ash's turn to look down at the floor in a bit of shame. All of a sudden the one he recalled as Twilight stepped up.

"We know you feel bad about the wrongs you've done in the past and that it is a bit of a.. delicate subject for you. That's not what matters right now though, what matters now is that you obviously don't want to go back to being anywhere near the person you were and you are willing to put yourself at risk in order to help save a young filly who belonged to a community that you believed would see you as a monster. That doesn't sound like a bad pony to me, it sounds like-"

"Swamp Dude!" Twilight scrunches up her face as she's interrupted by Spike shouting and holding up one of the comics that he had me sign earlier. "He's a really nice creature made of wood and other things from this magical swamp that goes around helping people even though most of em are afraid of him. No matter how badly the ponies treat him, he still acts like a hero and saves the day!" Spike looks up at Ash excitedly like he's hoping he'll strike a pose.

"Look Spike I know you're hoping I'll put on a cape and fly around doing heroics, but that isn't who I am." Ash says as he sees him deflate just a little. "I'm no hero, but if I just let someone get hurt in my neck of the woods then I really would be a monster." All of a sudden the small reptile sprints from the room after his eyes went wide and sounds of rummaging could be heard before he almost trips on his way back in due to his hurry.

"See you really are like Swamp Dude! That was almost word for word what he said in edition fifteen!" Spike is now spreading the pile of comics upon the table as he looks for the previously mentioned edition. As he rummages around Ash notices that a few have fallen open and so decides to sneak a peak at the so called 'Swamp Dude.' The first thing that Ash notices about the comic is the fact that Swamp Dude is a bipedal entity with only a wooden mask of a pony for a face, the second being that aside from being literally made of debris and detritus, Swamp Dude is about Ash's height and the main action depicted in the edition that he had grabbed seemed awfully familiar.

"Oh that's a good one!" Spike says as he see's what Ash is currently viewing. "In that one Swamp Dude is having to round up a pack of Timberwolves so he leads them to a clearing and ties them all up vines. Everything goes well until-"

"Until one of the wolves that he didn't see lunges onto him from behind..." Ash mumbles as he stares at the comic, refusing to turn away from the page before said action sequence should take place.

"Y-yeah that's right... Anyway here it is!" Spike opens up another comic and shows everyone in the room the dialogue that both Swamp Dude and Ash had spoken. "Both of these editions were made by the better co-author in my opinion." Spike broke Ash's stare on the printed text as he turned his head to the small dragon.

"What do you mean co-author? Aren't things like this usually created by one author or both at the same time?" Ash shakes his head in confusion as Spike begins to explain.

"Well normally yeah, but in this series D is the main author of the key story bits or at the very least the most exciting. See the other author normally just does filler editions and they normally feel kind of lacking or unauthentic compared to D." Spike eyes his collection and Ash notices that the editions by this D character are kept in better condition in addition to all of these preferred editions having plastic sleeves to go in when not being read.

"So what happens to Swamp Dude... has the comic ended yet?" Ash gazes intently at Spike from under his mask as he fidgets with his claws before answering.

"Well kind of, I mean not completely... Maybe? It's hard to say for sure because they stopped saying which author towards the current edition and Swamp Dude..." Spike stalls as Ash creeps ever so slowly towards the young drake whose fear starts to rise the closer Ash gets. "Swamp Dude might be dead."

Ash freezes in place at the boy's words, his throat suddenly dry and a feeling of dread rising within. "How does he die exactly?"

"Well it's only a possibility, but in the last edition he gets turned to a charred pile in order to save somepony. It's been months since that issue came out and no one can find either author or find anymore information than that." Spike waves his claws nonchalantly afterwards and say, "Besides I'm sure Swamp Dude is fine, he's a tough guy. Oh and let me go and get you that water!"

As he moves off to the kitchen to prepare some refreshments for the group, Ash sit's down at the table quietly. The girls for their part are concerned by how quiet he had become but are unable to read his face or emotions because of the disguise. Eventually Twilight levitates the comics off of the table and sits down as well on the opposite side followed by all but Fluttershy who gently pats his back before joining her friends. By the time Spike had returned to the table with the water an awkward silence had descended upon the group as none of the girls knew quite what to say at the time and Ash was too deep in thought.

"What's with the long faces?" Spike asked the assembled ponies and pony disguised persons as he set the waters down and took a seat in between Twilight and Rarity. Turning back to Ash he soon asked, "So are you up to tell us the rest of the story now Mr. Ash?"

Brought out of the disturbing thoughts that the comic had popped into his head Ash looked around the table then gave a light shake of his head. "I think it's best I head back to my camp for now, I need to clear my head and it's getting a tad late anyways." Ash stands up and makes to move for the door until one of the ponies speaks up from behind.

"Wait, I'm sure one of us can help you find somewhere to stay here in town so you don't have to stay in the Everfree anymore." Ash turns around to see Twilight looking around to the others for support.

"No I think it's best I keep to myself for now, at least until I think you all are ready to see what I really look like under all of this." Ash motions to his getup and Rainbow Dash speaks up.

"I think we can handle it! We've faced down plenty of scarier things from all over Equestria!" She crosses her arms and looks back to her friends for support until Twilight speaks up again.

"I don't think that would actually be for the best Rainbow, just think about how rest of the town already views him now. What if he really does look startling enough to cause an issue and none of us are there to help settle things down? Can we at least help you get back to your camp? I'm sure there is plenty that we could-"

Ash interrupts Twilight by holding up his wooden hoof and shaking his head. "I appreciate everything that you all are willing to do for me but please understand that I greatly value my privacy and if I didn't know one of you were coming I'd likely not be wearing my disguise. Like I said before I'd really prefer to only show you what I look like once I feel that you are ready. In the meantime would you like me to return tomorrow so that I can continue my story?" Ash looked around the gathered ponies and gauged their reactions, the strongest of which was the pink party pony.

"Wha-! But we still need to give you a 'Welcome to Ponyville/Thanks for saving Diamond Tiara' party!" Pinkie starts bouncing around Ash and repeating the word 'please' with each bound until Ash stood to near his full height and pressed his wooden hoof to her head, stopping her in place as he slowly got her to stop bouncing.

"We can't have a welcome party yet cause I'm not actually living in Ponyville at the moment yeah?" Ash offered up to the energetic pony in the hopes that she'd let him leave. This disguise could really do with some adjustments for comfort and he could only do that once he was back at camp. "Besides it'd be a lot more enjoyable for me if I was able to attend said party without my disguise and that's a ways away I'm afraid."

"But why can't we just see what you look like and have the party now?" Pinkie complained as her mane deflated ever so slightly.

Ash was soon feeling bad for the poor pony as the prospect of not getting to throw this party seemed to matter more to her than he'd initially thought and so he thought up a way to give a bit of ground and still carry on with his current plan. "Okay how about this, I'll let you see a bit of me now and you can get to planning the party for down the road okay?" At this her mane inflated to more than twice what it was before until it seemed to *pop* and return to normal as she nodded while sporting a huge grin.

"Are you really certain that you're okay with letting us see now and letting her plan a party for you darling?" Rarity spoke up in concern, fully knowing how boisterous a Pinkie Pie party could be.

"Yeah! Best be sure cause I don't want any chickening out of letting us see those 'claws' I heard about!" Rainbow Dash spoke up and was quickly bumped in the ribs by Applejack for her remark.

Letting out a sigh at their antics Ash held up his covered hand for them before he started to slowly remove the false hoof. "Yes I'm sure I can handle it, I pinkie promise." Ash rolled his eyes at himself for using such a childish phrase until Pinkie Pie bounced forward again interrupting him.

"You know how to do a Pinkie Promise?" She vibrated with excitement while awaiting his response.

Pausing a moment before continuing with his reveal Ash finally took off the hoof and was met with a few gasps before nodding to her. "I even remember the saying. 'Cross my heart and hope to die. Bound to my word for if I lie, then I shall put a needle in my eye.'" Ash finished to see the paling faces of the gathered ponies as they backed away slightly at the morbid rhyme.

Applejack was the first to recover and mentioned with a shake of her head. "W-well aside from the creepy version of a Pinkie Promise I don't see much that'd make any of y'all too scared by his paw." She started to walk towards the door and opened it for Ash. "Least we can do is walk ya too the edge of our orchard, maybe give you a few apples for the trip if you're up for em now." She mentioned the apples tentatively and breathed a sigh of relief when Ash nodded to the offer.

"I think I'll be okay to try them again and thank you for offering to keep me company until then, I hope the rest of you have a pleasant evening and better tomorrow. I'll try to arrive back here a little after midday if that is alright with everyone." With everyone gathered nodding in agreement Ash set out to the Apple's orchard accompanied by the honest apple farmer.

Author's Note

Bim bam shazam, its time for another edition of Swamp Dude!tm Will Swamp Dude punch a tree? If he does and no else is around to hear it, is it still a stupid thing to do?

I do hope you enjoyed this chapter of 'I don't really know what I'm doing anymore!' and if you have any thoughts or questions feel free to comment below!

3 - Back to the Beginning

Author's Note

Hey kids! Want some Depressing Background?
Well if not then this chapter isn't for you.
Please though, if you are feeling down or having bad thoughts talk to someone. Even your cat. Just please don't hurt yourself.
And if haven't gotten the gist yet;
WARNING bad shit ahead aka talks about suicide and death.

3 - Back to the Beginning

Three months prior-

"Are you sure about moving Ash? We've all really enjoyed you being apart of the gym, heck you've probably helped out more here than Cage and he's an actual employee." James said, making sure that Cage could hear him. "You never even told me why you're moving man."

"Listen, James... I just have to leave. Can't really explain the why right now, but this is goodbye." I reach my hand out to shake his and with his usual closeness James turns it into a clasp then shoulder-bump. "Hope both you guys and the gym stay awesome, it's a good place and... you're all good people."

Better people than I could ever deserve.

"You already said 'adios' to that medieval thing you do with the guys across town? I swear man seeing you beat the shit outta Cage when he told ya he could take you in the ring was priceless." James still making sure to dig at Cage while he was within hearing range. "I know we've never really hung out as friends man, but didn't you have a couple of bros over there that you're gonna miss?"

"I-I knew them about as well as you guys. I know I've been distant for most of the time I've been here James, but... Thanks. It was nice knowing all y'all, but I gotta go meet up with my family. You know?" With this I waved my last goodbyes to the other familiar faces as I went out the door.

You know they will just forget you. Give it a week, why bother caring about goodbye?

Perspective of James

"Hey, boss. So Ash finally decided to hit the road?" Cage asked as he walked up to James. "Wonder where he's off to?"

"Said something about going to see his family or something." Seeing Cage's strange expression, he asked, "What's that look for?"

"Well boss, you know how I was looking into him finding some info to prank him with?"

James knew Cage's pranks and the lengths he would go to just to achieve them, the fact that he never full on pranked Ash was kind of a rarity considering that was something that Cage did to everyone with one exception. "Yeah? You thought he was just some nerd into larping, right until we all found out that Medieval MMA was a thing. What about it?"

"Well... Boss I found some shit while looking into him, made me decide to let him be. Real bad shit. H-he ain't gotta family anymore. They all died bout a year and a half back. Some big ass fire that started during a big family reunion got everyone but him." Cage finished looking sober and serious for once.

"Fuck man, what the hell?" James had never really seen Ash smile much, but hell he never looked like some shit like this had gone down. He just always seemed sort of placid, a bit distant maybe but nothing that ever made him think of this bombshell. He couldn't even think of how he'd react to Cage or Ash suddenly being gone let alone his own family. "Where the fuck is he going then?"

That was the last of his goodbyes to make, not that there were many to make in the beginning. Still, those people were the closest he had come to friends in a good while even if they forgot him in a short while. He had given it a good year after making that promise to his old psychiatrist after his last attempt at 'moving,' but everything still felt so... hollow. No job fulfilled him, no romantic partner stayed, no anything seemed to last or make him feel anything. Except for some of the things he had done before, like going to the gym with his brother, training so hard for the tourney so he could make his sister a princess for a day, sitting in the library. These things only brought as much good as they did bad though.

Suddenly he was back with his brother Yewan, feeling more alive than ever with muscles aching and burning as he finished his last rep. They had promised to help whip each other into shape, if for nothing else but to help each get the girl they were pinning after. Still didn't mean they couldn't have a small sibling rivalry going on, seeing who could get the most gains. But all that training didn't help his brother when a beam had fallen on him during the blaze.

Then he was clashing with his opponent in the last match of the tourney, looking for an opening to finish it. He couldn't afford to be hasty though, he had more riding on this than some stupid trophy. Glancing in the stands he saw his little sister Elma waving his personal banner, an emblem of Yggdrasil with the sun and moon on either side with runes saying, 'Sacrifice for Love & Honor.' He was never too much of a religious person, but his parents had gotten him into the whole 'Norse' aesthetic.

Emblem being something like this

With this reinforcement he steeled his resolve and moved to strike... Then he was placing the circlet upon Elma's brow, thus naming her an honorary princess for the rest of the festival. Then he remembered how cold she was, as her casket was closed and lowered into the earth.

He remembered that she was one of the only open caskets that day, as he stood alone with no one but the funeral homes workers nearby. He remembered how cloying the perfumes and chemicals they had used to mask the smell of smoke and burnt bodies was. He did not cry. Not until it was all done and everyone was laid to rest. Then the barely remembered events that followed, paperwork with the banks and funeral home, deciding what to do now, finding himself unable to enter his own home for a week. He was scared of what sights and smells awaited him, of what demons they would summon.

Now he was back in his apartment in his new town multiple states away from home. He had tried piecing his life back together, but he was missing the people he needed to share it with. Maybe even missing a piece of himself. He had gathered all of his personal belongings; a trunk of books both fiction and non, his armor with sword and board, a duffel that he used to store his clothes, and a box filled with memorabilia.

"Don't want to give whoever has to clean this up more grief than needed." He thought to himself as he finished tying one of the few knots he knew by heart. His things were gathered, he had dressed himself up, and his train would soon depart. "I'm sorry Doc, but I've lived my year and nothings changed. I still have no one and nothing left in this world, no one here needs me and no one will miss me when I'm gone."

With that he set up the stool and stepped up. "Unless anyone needs me for anything at all, I will bide you all adieu." Giving the rope an experimental tug, he loosened and tightened it lost in thought. Would Elma and Yewan want to see him like this? No... but they aren't here anymore. Before he could continue with his train of thought though, a bright light filled his vision and suddenly he was falling... falling... and then he was hitting the ground.

And then things got really painful.