Through Lyra's Eyes...

It's almost like time, itself, freezes for me. I can already hear my Voice of Reason within my head already starting with the Verbal Assault... and as usual, it's in Bonnie's Voice.

WHAT THE NOT-SO-ACTUAL FK WERE YOU THINKING?!

I-I don't know! I panicked, alright?! T-then dropped my guard, and-

AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET A RIPOSTE FROM HER FKING MAJESTY ONCE YOUR ACTUAL SECRET'S BEEN FOUND OUT!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT "RIPOSTE" MEANS!

NEITHER DO I, I'M JUST YOUR SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS!

AAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAH!

"W-WAIT!" I finally call out, as my aura immediately covers Princess Celestia's shutting the door back once again.

She raises a curious eyebrow. "Yes, Miss Heartstrings? Is something wrong?"

I smile nervously before shaking my head. "W-wha?! No! Nothing's wrong! I-it's just that... well... the Basement's a mess!"

"It... is?"

"Y-yeah! It's, uh... i-it's kinda... embarrassing, really, but-"

The door slowly starts to open on its own... or so I think, when I notice the Human standing RIGHT THERE AT THE ENTRANCE!

Thankfully, Bonnie notices and takes action!

Through Bon-Bon's Eyes...

The Human opens the door slowly, eyeing the scenery curiously. Seeing that Princess Celestia's distracted by Lyra dragging the sentence, however, my instinct kicks into overdrive, as I already know a dragged sentence would lead to boredom, which leads to side-glances... and right now, a side-glance is the killing point we do NOT want to cross right now!

"I-IT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING!" I shout out, causing the Princess and Lyra to jump up... and the Human, who raises a confused eyebrow my way... oh, if only I could KINDLY TELL HIM TO FK OFF SO HE DOESN'T GET US ALL IN TROUBLE!

With their attention my way, I smile sheepishly and scratch the back of my neck. "S-sorry, Princess... I promise I didn't yell at you... it's, uh... j-just a really touchy subject."

I then look towards Lyra and then drift my eyes towards the door.

She notices as well, and quickly uses her horn to slam it shut once again. However, she winces while I internally face-hoof, as Princess Celestia's attention is drawn back to the door.

Oh, we are so screwed!

"Ah... sorry, I, um... had no idea!" Princess Celestia apologizes, before looking my way again.

Inconveniently enough, the door creaks open again, and the Human deadpans at us.

REALLY, HUMAN?! HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THE PICTURE YET, AFTER WE SLAMMED THE FKING DOOR IN YOUR FACE?!

Then Lyra finally gets the bright idea of using her magic to pull him inside the Living Room! He stumbles and falls, but I spot a green aura cover his body before he falls out of view... conveniently catching him, while Princess Celestia looks towards the now opened Basement Door!

"Hmm... odd, it doesn't look that dirty to me..." she comments.

And then, a loud grumble can be heard coming from behind the couch.

Lyra quickly pats her belly, and shouts out, "WHEW! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, PRINCESS CELESTIA, BUT I SURE AM HUNGRY!" She then smiles unbearably wide, while swinging a hoof downward, in an enthusiastic, yet obviously fake, show of confidence.

"I... can imagine so?" Princess Celestia says confusedly.

And then, Lyra grips both of Princess Celestia's cheeks and leans her own head mere inches from hers, making my eye twitch once again, as I imagine my poor foolish friend's fate now getting closer and closer towards banishment to the moon... or worse, the Sun!

"HEY! You should TOTALLY try some of Bonnie's Sweet Cakes! They are A-MAY-ZING!" she says, before pointing towards me.

I twitch and smile widely as well, while trying very, very hard not to slug Lyra in the face.

"R-right... cake..." I say with clenched teeth.

Princess Celestia gently pulls from Lyra's grasp, and thankfully, smiles... unfazed by Lyra's lack of manners!

"Hmm... well, I do enjoy a good cake, or two..."

As soon as the Human's head pops up from behind the couch, I quickly rush towards Princess Celestia and guide her off the couch, making extra sure to keep her from facing towards the Human.

"Well, then you're in luck, Your Highness! Here, let me show you one of my favorite types of cake! A-and if you like it, then maybe I can write you a copy of the recipe!" I say cheerfully, while whipping my tail to the side slightly, motioning to Lyra.

Please, oh PLEASE don't be dull enough to miss this!

Through Lyra's Eyes...

I see Bonnie's tail whipping towards the confused Human, who's starting to stand back up. I immediately tap his shoulders, catching his attention.

I then hold a hoof over my mouth, in a shushing manner, then shake my head "No".

He tilts his head confusedly, before looking towards Princess Celestia, then back at me. Finally, he motions towards the Princess, and I shake my head again.

I then point towards Princess Celestia, then to him, and run my hoof in front of my neck, in a cutting manner.

His eyes immediately widen, and he holds a hand over his mouth, now looking between Princess Celestia and I in shock. He then points at her, then at himself, and imitates the motions I did.

When I nod my head at him, his head sinks down in his shoulders, and he crouches in a hiding position.

Good... he at least understands Body Language! I think to myself.

He starts to sneak towards the Basement Door, but I quickly grip him and shake my head, before motioning towards the opposite side of the couch.

He nods his head and changes his route to the couch... and not a moment too soon when he curls up, when Princess Celestia's voice calls out!

"Miss Heartstrings? Would you care to join us?" she asks, poking her head towards the Living Room.

I smile and nod, before replying, "Y-yeah, of course Your Highness! I just... uh... n-need to freshen up a little bit! Be there in a sec!"

As soon as her head is no longer in view, I motion for the Human to follow me. We manage to sneak into the stairway, but by the time he reaches the corner at the landing area, I hear Princess Celestia's boots clop on the Kitchen Tiles.

Instinctively, I use my magic to shove the Human into a prone position, but catch him before he could actually land, then stand in-between him and the Princess, herself, as she walks into the Living Room once again.

"Actually, that does raise a good point, Miss Heartstrings! Would you mind if I do the same?" she asks, as she places a hoof on the bottom step.

"W-well, I, uh..." I sweat profusely, now stuck in a hairy situation!

BONNIE! HELP!

Through Bon-Bon's Eyes...

I gasp in shock as Princess Celestia gets way too close for comfort! I managed to spot the Human going up the stairs, but sure enough, the look Lyra's giving is practically SCREAMING for me to help.

"Uh, P-Princess!" I call out, causing the Regal Mare to turn my way. I see the shadow of the Human being flung up the stairs, and wince when I hear a thump on the carpet... a thump that does not go unnoticed by Princess Celestia, who turns back towards Lyra.

Lyra immediately lifts a hoof and winces, before making a fake whine.

"Oww... darn stairway! Jeez, that hurt!" she whines.

Princess Celestia looks concerned at her, before taking another step up. "Oh, my goodness! Are you alright, Miss Hearts-"

"OH, HEY LOOK! ALL BETTER, NOW! BE-RIGHT-DOWN-IN-A-SEC!" And with that, she dashes up the stairs, actually thumping a hoof on it in the process.

"GAH! OWWIE! SON OF A... MOTHER-HUMPING... HMMMM!" she yells, with the last bit involving her biting her lips shut.

"I... think I'd better check on her, right q-" Princess Celestia begins, but I cut her off.

"I'LL DO IT!" I call out, causing Princess Celestia to recoil, and turn towards me.

I smile sheepishly, before whispering, "Sorry..." I then shake my head and clear my throat. "Uh... what I meant to say is... I'll go check up on her, while you can use the Kitchen Sink to wash your hooves!"

"... Excuse me? Use the Kitchen Sink to wash my hooves?" Princess Celestia asks, eyeing me even more curiously, though now with a hint of disbelief in her eyes!

SHIT! IMPROVISE! NOW!

"B-but of course, Your Majesty! Isn't that normal in the Royal Palace?" I ask, only for her to look at the Kitchen Sink curiously.

"Well... no, not really. There are strict rules against using a Kitchen Sink in the Royal Palace to wash the Royal Hooves in such an... environment... no offense, of course." she says.

I quickly rush towards her and motion towards the Kitchen Sink. "W-well, maybe that's the case in the Royal Palace... but haven't you been tempted to use a Kitchen Sink to wash your hooves, regardless of the rules?"

She rubs her snout in thought. "Well... now that you mention it... I never was allowed to as a filly... however, I have been tempted time and time again... though said temptations were quickly diminished due to all eyes being on me."

I smile even wider at her and giggle, gulping down whatever nervousness I've had... and dignity that went with it. "Well then, lucky for you that you're in Ponyville, Your Highness! Why, I can see you looking at that Kitchen Sink that's been taunting you for all these years! Just waiting for the Royal Hooves to be washed inside them! C'mon, Your Highness, give your Rebellious Side a try!"

She blinks owlishly at the sink, before looking towards me with... a frown! Or is it a GLARE?!

"You know what?" she asks coldly, causing me to shrink at her gaze. She leans closer... then... smiles?

"You're absolutely right!"

I... wha?

I raise my hoof in question, but she beats me to the punch. "I haven't been able to properly relax in over a millennia! And with so many absurd rules that constantly get in the way... why... it gets revolting!"

"R-right... right?" I stammer, but she goes on with a speech.

"In fact, there's even rules on how many steps I have to take each second, how high my snout has to be when standing, and how arched my back has to be while sitting! Honestly, it's almost like I'm less of a Pony, and more of a Title! And then there's the Dignitaries that think that they own the world, when I'm literally the only one... or rather, I was the only one... that kept said world from either freezing in Eternal Night, or burning in Eternal Sunlight!"

I stand there silently, while she just takes deep breath after deep breath, her frustrations having been vented to some degree. Then I raise a hoof up and say, "W-well, uh... g-good thing this isn't the Royal Palace, right Your Highness? You can feel free to be yourself, and nopony will judge you!"

She sighs and smiles at me, then bows her head respectfully. "Then... in that case, can you do me a favor, please, Miss Bon-Bon?"

I nod my head and kneel to the ground. "O-of course, Your Highness!"

"... Just call me 'Celestia', if you don't mind." she says, causing me to fall on my snout.

"Gah! W-wha?!"

"If you're truly alright with me dropping the formalities, then I'd like to request that you do the same, please." she clarifies.

I blink owlishly before standing back up and scratching the back of my neck nervously. "A-are... are you just pulling my leg, P... uh... Celestia?"

She immediately glares at me and unfurls her wings. "How DARE you insult my Royal Title?!" she nearly yells.

SHIT! NOW YOU'VE REALLY FKED IT UP!!!

I fall to the ground and shiver, apologizing profusely. However, she drapes a wing over me, and pulls me into a warm hug... which kinda-sorta doesn't have its full effect like last time, if I'm being honest...

She then giggles. "Oh, goodness me... sorry, sorry! I, uh... it's just that I haven't had the opportunity of joking like that in a long time!"

Well, to be fair, considering you can just wipe someone's life out of their eyes by BLINKING, I can... kinda see why... my mind says for me, but I manage to keep silent... thankfully...

"Uh... h-heheh... good one, Your H-" She places a hoof over my snout, and looks into my eyes warmly.

"Although I am serious, Bon-Bon... if you don't mind me being myself, then please, don't feel the need to not be yourself! Especially in your own house, of all places!"

This time, I can actually feel the honesty in her words. I stop shivering, and smile at her, before nodding my head.

"I, uh... I don't mind at all, P... uh... C..."

She then pulls from the hug and nods her head knowingly. "If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you can still address me as you please... but know that it's not an Obligation now, so long as we're speaking casually, and not on Formal Occasion."

I nod me head once again, and sigh in relief. "Well, in that case... why don't you get washed up, and I'll go check and make sure Lyra didn't kill herself upstairs?"

Celestia giggles at my wording, but nods nonetheless. "Of course, Bon-Bon. And, uh... are you sure I can use the-"

"Oh, by all means! If anything, it would be an honor that my Kitchen Sink make history, as the first Kitchen Sink you've used to wash your hooves with!"

She then smiles smug at me, and winks. "Then in that case, you better take note, Bon-Bon... for history is now in the making!"

And with that, and a nervous giggle, I rush upstairs, while I hear the Kitchen Sink start up.

LYRA! WHAT THE FK ARE YOU DOING WITH THE HUMAN UPSTAIRS?!

Through Lyra's Eyes...

After rushing the Human upstairs, I quickly motion for him to follow me into my room. Upon entering, however, I wince when I apply pressure on my injured hoof, then lift it up.

I eye it tearfully, as it starts to bruise up in a very irritating spot, and place it in my mouth.

"Oww... fk, that hurts!" I whimper, only to notice the Human approach me curiously.

He motions for me to give him my hoof. I blink owlishly before nodding my head and placing the injured hoof in his hand.

He then leans closer to it, and hums, before rubbing his chin in thought. Then he pokes and prods at a few spots, eyeing me every now and then.

O-oh, my sweet, sweet Maker alive... h-his hands feel so... so... amazing!

When he reaches the bruised area, however, I hiss and reel back, but he manages to keep my hoof in his grasp. Though he nods his head, before looking at my First Aid Kit that I've placed on my dresser.

... Not gonna say why. Let's just say I enjoy a few experiments, and might've hurt myself a few times on said occasions...

Anyways, he reaches into the kit, and begins to fish through the packets, until he finds one that contains Aloe Vera Paste in it. He shows it to me, as if wondering what it is... or perhaps he's asking me permission to apply it?

Regardless, I nod my head for him to continue.

He releases my hoof from his grasp and takes the corner of the packet with both hands. Finally he pulls on the packet in two different directions, causing it to tear open! And he didn't even need scissors!

Wow... who knew hands could be so... well... HANDY?! I think in awe, as he begins to gently apply the treatment to my bruise.

The paste begins to work almost immediately, as the pain starts to subside... but then, he pulls out a roll of bandages, and starts unwinding it over my hoof.

I wince slightly as he makes his way over the bruise, but eventually, he covers the whole area, along with a bit of extra space around it, and tears the end of the tape similar to how he opened the Aloe Packet.

When he has it completely covered, he calmly grasps my bandaged hoof and gently pats the top of it, nodding his head with an accomplished smile.

I smile back at him, while my cheeks begin to flush. "T-thank you..." I whisper.

And for once, I have a feeling he actually understood what I said! He nods his head and raises a thumb up... a gesture I've noticed a few Minotaurs do before.

It's then almost like the world around me goes pink, as I look deeply into his eyes... his beautiful, Human eyes... his determined smile, his beautifully chiseled jawline, and his amazing Human muscles...

Oh, how I would love to finish teaching him our language, so that I can start getting to know him... the thought of him picking me up, squeezing my Cutie Marks... and maybe one of these days, he'll make me his mare! The mass of his Muscles, only partial in comparison to the size of his-

The Human's Thoughts...

Why am I getting one of those "Mixed Feelings" vibes? Like... all I did was help her with an injury! Wait, did I do something wrong?! Is she bringing her hoof up to my face?! Wait, WHY IS SHE LICKING HER LIPS WITH THAT STARE?!

Through Lyra's Eyes...

And finally, those husky lips pressed firmly into my own... oooh, I can hardly wait for-

"LYRA! WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!" Bonnie's shouting immediately makes me leap up. My eyes quickly dart towards the door, which is quickly bashed open. And inside, storms an angry-looking Bon-Bon.

I smile sheepishly at her, while the Human, in turn, backs up nervously.

She ignores him, however, and begins to stomp up to me, glaring daggers.

"Oh, uh... h-HI, Bonnie!" I say, only for her to raise a hoof up... more than enough to make me flinch.

R-right... think I'll retract my statement on her NOT beating me to a pulp!

But then, she sighs and places a hoof on my shoulder. I look up at her, and notice that she's looking let-down.

"Lyra... I don't know whether to punch you first, or ask you why you had to open your big yap at the least. Convenient. Time!"

"But Bonnie, I-"

"SHH... let me finish!" she whispers, making me go silent. I nod my head, and motion for her to continue.

"You had one job, Lyra... ONE. Job! Just hug it out, shrug it off as one of those 'Unsolvable Mysteries', and not mention the book... or heck, tell her you LOST it, or something! THEN we could've just gone on with our lives, and NOT play Death's Game of Hide 'n Seek with Princess Celestia, who may now be thinking of writing us off as two of the most unorthodox, unruly, MOST INSANE PONIES IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA!"

Through Princess Celestia's Eyes...

"Heh... beware, Vile Grime, for thy stains hold NO match against... the Kitchen Sink!" I mumble to myself in delight, as I wash my hooves in the first Kitchen Sink of many...

Oh, how I just love how much more easygoing these ponies are! I may just have to schedule visits here more often, if the locals are this open-minded!

My ears flick at the sound of commotion upstairs. Curious, I turn the sink off and use my Magic to dry my hooves, before slipping them back into my Golden Boots. I then trot towards the Stairway, and hear Bon-Bon's muffled yelling... it doesn't sound pleasant!

Perhaps Miss Heartstrings hurt herself even worse than she thought?! I must check on her, at least!

And so, I start to trot upstairs, calling out, "Um... Miss Bon-Bon? Is everything alright up there?"

Through Lyra's Eyes...

Bon-Bon and I gasp at the sound of Princess Celestia's voice. I see the doorknob starting to glow gold, so I quickly use my own Magic and lock the door.

"Uh, y-yeah! Yeah, everything's alright, Celestia! Just, uh... helping Lyra out with something real quick!" Bonnie calls back.

"Are you sure everything's alright? Maybe I can help you with-"

"N-nah, I'm pretty sure we can find it, Princess!" I call out, only to gulp when the Golden Aura hovers over the lock!

I look at the Human, then motion for him to hide underneath my bed.

He looks at the bed confusedly, while I roll my eyes. Once I hear the door's lock click, however, I ignore the sense of reason and levitate the bed up, then move the Human underneath it. I then angle him flat against the floor, and lower the bed over him, where my... rather largely acquainted stacks of secret reading material surrounds him from head to toe.

"SERIOUSLY, LYRA?! HE'S GONNA THINK WE'RE NUTS, TOO, NOW!" Bon-Bon whispers angrily, before quickly straightening her posture up once the door creaks open.

"Just trust me, Bonnie! It's a good plan!" I whisper back to her, straightening my own posture.

"Plan?! WHAT plan?! You've NEVER had a plan, because every time you tried to plan something, somepony would either end up getting hurt, embarrassed, or-"

"Oh! Pardon me, I thought this was the Dressing Room!" Princess Celestia says, backing up slowly.

I, of course, wave a dismissive hoof her way. "Wha?! Nah, we usually use our bedrooms for that here in Ponyville! C'mon in!"

Bonnie's hoof immediately jabs into my side, causing me to wince and rub the hurt spot. I deadpan back at her, while she only keeps up a nervous smile.

"Are... you sure about that? I wouldn't want to intrude, or any-" she pauses, however, and at once, I notice her have an eye-twitch... oh, no... she's looking at my bed!

"Are those... books... underneath the bed?" she asks, her calm demeanor suddenly broken.

I quickly follow her gaze, and gulp, before waving my hooves up in a stopping motion. "W-wait, Princess! Y-you do not want to-"

"I'm sorry, Miss Heartstrings, but the misuse of Literary Works may seem harmless, but leaving this many books underneath a bed could potentially mean that you show no respect for Literature... which I'm sure Twilight will need to know."

"N-no, you don't understand! Y-you see, these books-"

"Are being used to hide something, aren't they?" she asks.

The color soon leaves my fur, as I stare in shock... d-did she know from the start?!

She then closes her eyes and lowers her horn. The magic glow begins to surround the whole bed, before she lifts it up. I close my eyes, and cover my head, awaiting the unquestionable truth...

I've been caught!

...

"Oh... o-oh, my!" I hear her call out in shock. I sigh and open my eyes.

"S-sorry, Princess... I-I know it's inexcusable for me to-"

"N-no, no, no, I should be the one apologizing, Miss Heartstrings! I-I had no idea that these were... w-well... those kinds of books!" the Solar Princess stammers, backing up slightly with an embarrassed cough.

I look at the book that immediately falls from her Grasp... a book she might've pulled from under the bed, and immediately, my face starts to turn red. I look up, and sure enough, Princess Celestia's entire face is already red.

"Y-yeah... I, uh... h-have a pretty bad habit t-that, um..."

She waves a dismissive hoof my way. "N-no, no, no! It's all just part of growing up! And, uh... i-if you, erm... t-think that books such as those don't belong on a Bookshelf, then who am I to judge, right?! I-I mean, as long as they don't appear in the library, or..."

She then moves a wing towards her ears and gasps. "Oh! Well, would you look at that! I think that the guards may be looking for me, now! G-guess I better get going, then! W-wouldn't want to take up too much of your time, would I?"

As she says that, she begins to make her way towards the entrance, with Bonnie and I guiding her along the way.

"Are you sure you don't wanna stay, Princess? I-I mean, I don't want you to think that-"

"No, no, no, it's fine!" Princess Celestia replies, bowing graciously... though now that I mention it, her wings do look painfully stiff, right now... eh, must be an Alicorn thing, or something.

"Well, uh... if you need anything, you know where we live!" Bonnie calls out, smiling and waving.

I join her with the waving, while she, in turn, bows her head graciously and steps out of the house.

We quickly shut the door, lock it, and stare out the windows, while watching the Pegasus Chariot fly the princess all the way into the clouds, and out of view.

I then blink owlishly, completely surprised that my plan actually worked for a change!

Bonnie, however, deadpans at me. "... Don't say it."

I grin back at her and pump a hoof into the air. "Woo-hoo! Saved by the Porn! I fking told you my plan would work, didn't I?!"

"Ugh..." Bonnie begins, before planting a hoof into her face so strong, she falls back-first onto the floor, and groans.

I giggle nervously at her, before heading back over to the stairs. "Well, I better get back to the Human! Let 'em know the coast is clear!"

Through Bon-Bon's Eyes...

I can't believe that actually worked... I can't believe we've survived that ordeal! And most of all... I can't believe Lyra ended up getting us out of that mess... using that particular method!

Sitting up, I rub my forehead, and the incoming migraine that's sure to form within the next few days of putting up with these kinds of shenanigans!

Although, I smile lightly, remembering the trouble Lyra and I would sometimes get ourselves into when we were fillies... a wave of nostalgia hits the air, and I breathe it in coolly.

But then, my snout starts to pick something else up... something that doesn't smell very pleasant.

Almost like something's... burning...

My eyes widen in realization, before I make a mad dash towards the Kitchen.

"OH, SHIT! MY SWEET CAKES!" I shout.

Author's Note

NO CAKES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS CHAPTER!

And so, ends the first portion of many! But rest assured, we've just barely scratched the surface!

What other shenanigans will these three face?! Tune in next time, in Ponyville Tales!