The Test

by Graglithan The Greater

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity
Length: 1917

A misunderstanding caused by a tiny pink stick and a silly pink brain.

It started off as a normal morning for Sunset. Get up, shower, get dressed, eat cheap discount cereal from the bargain store, and head to the Sugar Cube Cafe to hang out with her friends. Yet as she did so, there was this overbearing feeling of someone watching her. Maybe she could ask Pinkie about it since she’s conveniently bolting down the road towards her.

Sex and Profanity tags are just for insurance, as the joke of the story is kinda mature.

Published 2018-09-01 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-01 18:40:01 UTC

The Test

Author's Note

This is why you don't meme kids.

I know in my last update on a different story, I said it would be a while before I got the next chapter done. However, I couldn't stop myself from getting distracted by memes while I was giving myself a break, and this came to life. Note, that this story does NOT hold any continuity with the other ones. It's a purely standalone, cheeky little one-shot I came up with because I'm a goober who is easily distracted.

That being said, please enjoy.

The Test

Deep within the confines of her apartment, a particular young woman slept. Amber skin could be seen from the fingers poking out from the cocoon of blankets she had encased herself in, as well as the tufts of red and yellow hair slipping through. If one could pierce the shell of her comfort, they’d find her drooling into a pillow. But that was alright. Her body demanded to be given the rest it was deprived of through the majority of last night.

For Sunset had learned that in both worlds, there was no party, like a Pinkie Party.

By the grace of the Cakes, Pinkie had been allowed to host a party for Sunset’s birthday in their Cafe. All the girls showed up, along with their little sisters, Twilight’s brother, and his fiance, and since they were passing by at the time, both Celestia and Luna. Even Flash popped in to say happy birthday, before getting roped into staying by Pinkie. Fluttershy's brother also showed up, but the butterscotch girl kept him in line. To say it was a day was an understatement.

Ultimately, the Pinkie Party in question was the reason for her sleep-deprived state, and it showed its results this morning.

The buzz of her alarm woke Sunset up, and the fingers poking through her blanket was followed by a hand, and then an arm, as she fumbled to find her alarm clock. Failing to do so, Sunset was forced to pull herself from her prison of bedding, and blearily glared at the offending device. “Three hours of sleep. Yay.”

Sitting up with a groan, Sunset stretched her arms above her head until she felt a satisfying pop from her back. “Oh, that’s better.” Getting out of bed, she lumbered herself into the shower. She never did find herself fully awake until after she took one, even as a pony. The scalding hot water made her wistful of the royal palace’s bathhouse. How those ponies managed to get the water that hot amazed her, but then again, they’re washing the Ruler of the Sun, so it really was a given.

Freshly washed and grabbing a blowdryer, Sunset shook her head. She didn’t need to keep thinking of the palace longingly. She’d already made up with Celestia after the whole Memory Stone fiasco, so she really was free to go there if she wanted. It was just that the amber teen didn’t want to travel across dimensions for the sake of taking a bath.

...Though to be fair, there were days she was sorely tempted. Those same days involved a lot of chocolate, and she kept wondering if going back and becoming a pony would help with avoiding it.

Nah, probably not. If anything, the portal would just put her bio-clock on hold until she got back.

Clean and dry, Sunset went about getting her favorite outfit together. She might have had little to no sleep, but she was not one to shirk a planned get-together. They’d all agreed that they’d meet up today to try and plan out what to do for Twilight’s birthday in a few weeks. Needless to say, Twilight was happy that they wanted to plan in advance.

Very happy.

Scarily happy.

It kinda freaked her out.

Regardless, she’d agreed, as did the rest of the girls, so Sunset planned on heading back to Sugar Cube Cafe to discuss details. It was as she was grabbing her bike’s keys that she felt like someone was watching her. Glancing around her apartment, Sunset raised an eyebrow in concern. “...Weird.”

Shrugging, Sunset stepped outside, locked the door, and got to her bike. She couldn’t stop herself from taking a moment to look at the newest additions to her baby, a fresh tear of happiness rolling from her eye. Black leather bags were mounted on the back. There was also crimson and yellow flames painted onto the formerly pitch black body. The handlebars had new grips, and the seat had small studs lining the sides. And finally, she had no idea how they had gotten it, but a Nos system was added that let her exhaust quite literally spitfire as she went over a hundred down the road.

Truly, her friends had gone all out on her.

And it was the best birthday present she had ever gotten.

You could fight her if you said otherwise.

The final part she pulled out of the bags on the back and put on her head, as Twilight and Fluttershy both agreed that Sunset needed a helmet after seeing how far the others went. She’d be tempted to say she wore it when they got to the Cafe, but Sunset knew they’d just see right through her.

Those caring, lovable dorks.

Still, that feeling she was being watched came back as she was mounting her bike, and she glanced around to see where it was coming from. Seeing nothing, she sighed and shook her head. “Maybe the girls are right, and I do need to get out more. I think I’m getting paranoid.”

A quick drive was all it took to get to the Cafe, and no, she didn’t speed. She was still the first one there, if only because she was ninety percent sure Rainbow was still sleeping. Parking her bike and pocketing her keys, Sunset leaned against the cafe’s wall, looking down the streets to spot any of her friends.

Seeing Pinkie turn the corner and start power walking over to her, Sunset got up off the wall and waved. “Hey Pinkie, what's-” In a flash, Pinkie slugged Sunset right in the uterus and Sunset toppled over, clutching her stomach, and leaning against the restaurant for support. “GAH! What the FUCK!?”

Pinkie grabbed her friend by the shoulders and pulled her up to look each other in the eye. “Sunset, you’re my friend, and I can’t let you do this to yourself. You’re too pony! Too magical!”

Dumbfounded and in pain, Sunset could only look at the pink party planner in confusion. “W-what the fuck are you talking about Pinkie?”

Not missing a beat, Pinkie pointed at Sunset’s stomach. “I’m talking about the bun you have in your oven, Sunset.”

The two were silent as the air just blew past them. Some poor guy who probably went to CHS happened to be nearby just turned right around and walked away. He wasn’t getting involved. “See ya.”

Sunset, now starting to feel slightly less pain in her gut, pulled herself up. “I’m not pregnant.”

“Well not anymore, silly.” Pinkie giggled as she flexed an arm. “I’ve been taking lessons from Rarity.”

Glowering, Sunset stood up and crossed her arms. “I was never pregnant, Pinkie.”

Pinkie blinked a few times before poking her fingers together with an embarrassed smile. “Are..... are you sure?”

Eye twitching, Sunset loomed over the party girl. “I think I would know if I was fucking pregnant, Pinkie!”

It was at that moment, that Rainbow showed up and got between the two, more than likely keeping Sunset from murdering Pinkie in the process. “I’m sorry, but what’s up with all the yelling? I could hear you guys from a block away.”

Pinkie reached into her pocket and pulled out what one would assume was a pink thermometer. “Well, I was helping the Cakes clean up after all of you had to head out, and when I was cleaning the bathroom I found this positive pregnancy test and--”

Rainbow whirled around and slugged Sunset in the gut. “GAH! Motherfuck!” Sunset fell to the ground in a crumpled heap and was twitching, even as the other girls all arrived in time to watch.

Applejack pulled Rainbow around by the shoulder and glared at her friend. “What the sam hell do you think you’re doing!?”

Fluttershy was kneeling next to Sunset, rubbing her back and trying to help ease the pain as much as she could. “Are you alright, Sunset?”

Glaring up at Rainbow and Pinkie, Sunset’s eye was twitching. “For the last time... I’m not... pregnant.”

Rarity blinked in surprise and shared a look with Twilight. “Darling, why would anyone think that!?”

Pinkie held up the pregnancy test. “I found this last night when cleaning up after the party!”

Gasping with stars in her eyes, Rarity looked down to her prone friend. “Oh my goodness! Darling, who’s the lucky man?”

Sunset’s focus turned from the two who slugged her to her fashion-focused friend. “Rarity, I swear to all that is holy!”

Twilight’s face was scrunched up in confusion. “But that wouldn’t make sense. Sunset told me she’s been, for lack of a better way of phrasing, a lesbian since before she even crossed over from Equestria, and even though it’s known how alcohol can lower inhibitions, there was none at the party last night to get her drunk at all. How could she get pregnant if she’s never been with a male?”

Sunset raised an eyebrow as she and the group turned to their purple friend. “Thank you, Twilight... I think.”

Before the commotion could go any further, the door to the Cafe opened up, and one of the proprietors stepped out. Specifically, Mrs. Cake, who looked a bit worried until she spotted the group. “Oh, hello girls! It’s good to see you. Pinkie, I wanted to thank you so much for helping me clean up last night.”

Saluting with her free hand, Pinkie gave her trademark smile. “No problem Mrs. Cake!”

Smiling herself, Mrs. Cake looked a bit nervous as she glanced around to see if anyone was coming down the road towards them. “Now, um, I know this is probably awkward to ask, but did any of you happen to find something in the bathroom while you had your party? Specifically something... pink?”

All of the girls froze before turning to Pinkie and staring into her with their emotions clear to see. Several deadpans, and one glare hotter than the sun. Pinkie, for her part, just stared blankly before it clicked in her head. “Oooooooooooh. So it wasn’t Sunset who was pregnant, but--” She gasped and darted past everyone before pulling Mrs. Cake into a hug. “OH MY GOSH, THIS IS AMAZING!”

As the majority of the group turned to congratulate Mrs. Cake on the soon-to-be addition to her family, Fluttershy and Twilight knelt down next to Sunset and helped her to her feet. “You going to be okay?”

“I’m... okay.” Sunset took a small breath and sighed, glaring over her shoulder at Pinkie and Dash. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting them back for this, but for right now, I’m just going to go give some cheer to the mother-to-be.”

It would be later in the week that Pinkie found her locker filled with pudding, and Rainbow got a soccer ball glued to her foot, but for that day, the group of friends was happy, and Sunset was only slightly annoyed for the majority of it.