My Little Pony: Friendship is PG-13 Season 1

by Cherry Crunch

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Violence, Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 4766

Twilight is in for quite an adventure when she moves to Bloodville...

My Little Pony: Friendship is PG-13 is a parody. In it, Twilight Sparkle is sent by Princess Celestia to Bloodville to get the sense knocked into her by five evil ponies. But when Nightmare Moon returns from the moon with an much too drawn out evil laugh and threatens to destroy every other evil pony there is, Twilight is forced to team up with the other five ponies to defeat her. Then they go and adventures and try to kill each other.

Published 2018-09-04 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-21 18:07:40 UTC

Friendship is PG-13 Part 1

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies.

But as time went on, the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn. The elder sister tried to reason with her, but the bitterness in the young one's heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness: Nightmare Moon. She vowed that she would shroud the land in eternal night. Happily, the elder sister harnessed the most powerful magic known to ponydom: the Elements of Dynamite. Using the magic of the Elements of Dynamite, she blew up her younger sister, and then put her back together and banished her permanently in the moon. The elder sister took on responsibility for both sun and moon.

“And harmony has been maintained in Equestria for generations since,” Twilight Sparkle read. “Hmm... Elements of Dynamite. Sounds boring.” She stood to leave the library and head home when Twinkleshine pranced up to her, blocking the exit.

“Hey, Twilight, want to go blow up the Canterlot Spa?” She asked. Twilight and the rest of their gang often indulged in blowing stuff up. They weren’t exactly friends, just allies in mischief.

“Sorry, but Celestia threatened to blow up my house if I don’t get my homework done.” Twilight explained “Elements of Dynamite or something.”

“Thats cool,” Twinkleshine said cheerfully. “Glad I’m not you.” She trotted away. Twilight trotted toward home, feeling depressed. Spa’s were always the funnest to blow up. She sighed as she entered the the giant library that was her home. She had blackmailed Celestia into giving it to her for free.

“Spike!” She called. “Do my homework for me!”

“Okay!” Spike called back, emerging from behind a shelf. Twilight had tricked the baby dragon into signing a contract making him her servant forever. She paid him minimum wage. Twilight threw the Elements of Dynamite book at Spike and went into the kitchen for food.

She picked up her walkie talkie and computer then settled down in a comfy chair in the main library. She tuned into the gang’s conversation on the walkie talkie and watched the dots on the computer signifying the location’s of the ponies.
“Twilight in,” She muttered into the walkie talkie.

“Are we in positions?” another voice muttered, probably Moondancer’s.

“Affirmative,” Twinkleshine answered.

“Blow it!”

Twilight heard an explosion and rushed to her window to see a great cloud of dust rising. She laughed evilly.

“What did your gang blow up this time?” Spike asked uninterestedly.

“Canterlot Spa,” Twilight replied.

Spike sighed. “I had an appointment there for today.”

“Too bad.” Twilight settled back into her chair. “How’s my homework going?”

“Good,” Spike said sadly. “By the way, Nightmare Moon will return from the moon during the Summer Sun Celebration and will make it night forever plus take over Equestria.”

“Great! Gang work often is easier at night.”

Suddenly Spike belched a letter. “What is it?” Twilight asked.

Spike cleared his throat and read, “Dear Twilight, because of your lazyiness I am sending you to go to Bloodville to meet a group of five ponies who will hopefully beat the guts out of you. Have fun! Your evilly, Princess Celestia. PS: You must live there forever”

Twilight ground her teeth. “Old hag.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “The carriage is waiting outside.” Twilight rose to her hooves and moved slowly toward the door.
Twilight paused and said to Spike, “Bring my homework and do it on the ride.” Spike kicked her as hard as he could and she went flying through the door with a scream, landing in the carriage on her head.

**************

Twilight strolled through Bloodville. Spike followed. It didn’t look too bad. A cute town, with old fashioned houses that looked very easy to blow up. Who could be so dangerous here? She looked at the list she had been given.

“Applejack,” She read. “A dangerously honest pony. Hm. Sweet Apple Acres.” She glanced at a tourist map nearby and took off, Spike trailing behind. Suddenly a pink pony stepped in her path, laughed evilly, and dissapeared. Twilight continued, slightly disturbed.

She arrived at Sweet Apple Acres with dread in her heart. She froze when she actually saw it. It was a farm alright—But a gruesome one indeed. Torture machine lay all about, blood on some of them. The fences were old and broken, and half the barn had fallen away, possibly crushing some cows in the process. The cows on the standing side look happy enough though. Suddenly an orange pony with a cowboy hat and an eyepatch pranced up to her.

“Howdy,” The pony greeted her jovially. “Honestly, you look like you sat in a fire for five hours, made fun of Celestia, got blown up a few times and then dumped in vat of apple jam. Good to make your acquaintance partner! I can tell we’re gonna hate each other. Lets start the war now!” Twilight looked around in bewilderment as ponies closed in around her. “This here’s the Apple family! This here’s Apple Bloom, Big Mac, Granny Smith, and I’m Applejack!”

Twilight dodged out in between Apple Bloom and Big Mac and ran.

**************
“Next on the list, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight read. “Loyal to anyone who gives her stuff.” She sighed. “Rainbow Dash!” A pegasus pony shot out of the clouds and beat her up.

“Celestia… Payed… Me… To… Beat… You… Up…” Rainbow Dash told her between attacks.

**************

“Now we’ve got Rarity,” Twilight read. “Generous in the worst way.” She looked at a tourist map and went to the boutique. They entered. A white pony (presumably Rarity) trotted up to Twilight and Spike.

“Hello darling, I’m Rarity,” she greeted her, confirming Twilight’s suspicions. “Let me give you a present. She sat on Twilight’s neck. Twilight screamed in agony.

“A pony after my own heart,” Spike sighed in admiration. “Love at first sight. Our romance shall be like that of Colteo and Mariet.”

Twilight didn’t like Rarity quite so much. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!”

“You’re welcome!”

**************

“And Fluttershy.” Twilight was barely able to move without being in great pain. “Kind.” She saw a yellow pony who had to be Fluttershy throwing leeches on animals. “Uh, hello,” Twilight greeted her uneasily.

“Hello,” Fluttershy said to her, turning. “Oh, poor dear, you look so sad. Let me be kind to you!”

“Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

**************

After going to the Bloodville hospital Twilight was strolling through Bloodville quite happily. Suddenly the same pink pony from earlier appeared in front of Twilight, laughed evilly again, and disappeared. A chill ran down Twilight’s spine. She shivered. Spike laughed. Twilight glared at him. Spike stopped laughing.

**************

That night Twilight and Spike went to the summer sun celebration. Twilight sent Spike out into the crowd to steal some money for her while they waited for Celestia to raise the sun and for Nightmare Moon to take over Equestria. Twilight made sure to stay away from the ponies she had met earlier. Suddenly Nightmare Moon appeared. Twilight gasped in excitement and joy.

“I am here to take over Equestria. Bow to me. I will bring you night. Bow.” Every pony bowed happily, most cheering. Twilight cheered the loudest. “Oh, yeah,” Nightmare Moon added. “Evil laugh.

To be continued…

Author's Note

Hope you Enjoyed! This is my first Fanfic, so please leave a review in the comments. Stay tuned for the next installment of My Little Pony: Friendship is PG-13!

Friendship is PG-13 Part 2

“Also,” Nightmare continued. “I shall destroy every other mean spirited pony who might oppose me. I shall go to a mysterious place in the Everfree Forest and blow you all up. Bye!” She turned into a blue blob and shot out the door.

“Spike, finish my homework!” Twilight called to Spike over the crowd. “I’m going after Nightmare! I won’t be blown up!” She ran through the doors and continued toward the Everfree Forest when suddenly she was knocked to the ground and sat upon.

“You’re welcome!” trilled Rarity.

“We want to come and defeat Nighty,” Applejack explained. “We’re not gonna be blown up!”

“And if you don’t let us come,” Rainbow Dash added threateningly, “I’ll continue to carry out Celcy’s orders!

“Ha ha ha!” added the nameless pink pony.

Twilight sighed. Goddammit, this was gonna be a pain. Literally.

**************

They walked for a long time, taking in the spooky forest.

“Wow,” Applejack eventually said. “This forest is spooky.”

“Ha ha ha!” said pink pony, as we will refer to her until she gets a name.

Twilight jumped in fear at the sudden loud noise. Fluttershy came over. “Oh my, you’re shaking in fear from mane to tail! You need to be comforted.”

“No, no, I’m good,” Twilight said backing away. Fluttershy followed.

“No, really it’s no trouble. Just give me your hoof and I’ll—”

“No, really, I don’t need help. See? I’m not scared.” Fluttershy took a step closer and Twilight shrieked.

Applejack walked over. “Honestly, that cliff behind you is just begging for you to be kicked over it.” Applejack kicked her. She screamed. Pink pony laughed.

Suddenly Rarity saw a giant boulder. “I would keep this beautiful rock for myself,” Rarity said to herself. “But I think Twilight deserves it.” She pushed it over the side of the cliff and they all waited. Seconds later–

“Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!”

There was a large crash and silence.

**************

Now they were walking again, Twilight limping. Suddenly a manticore appeared and charged them. Fluttershy stepped in front of the others and stared down the manticore. Then she grabbed Twilight and threw her directly into the manticore’s mouth.

“It will be an interesting and new experience to be eaten by a manticore!” Fluttershy called to Twilight as the manticore’s mouth closed around her. She screamed as the manticore’s jaws came down toward her. She scrambled away and found herself falling down the manticore’s long throat and into his stomach. She frantically looked for a way out of the cramped space but found none. Suddenly Rainbow Dash, Rarity, pink pony, and Applejack came tumbling down into the manticore’s chest as well. None of them could move. Suddenly the manticore burst open from the pressure and was dead. Fluttershy came over from where she had been leaning against a tree and went to Twilight. “Oh, I’m so sorry for scaring you,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll make you feel better.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“I knew that was gonna happen,” Applejack said. “The author wasn’t sure what to do so just made a repetitive scene. Classic.”

**************

They came to a clearing. Suddenly pink pony gasped. She was staring at the trees. Twilight looked and screamed again. The rest of the ponies looked at the sound and screamed too. There were creepy faces drawn onto the trees with chalk. Twilight blinked and suddenly there was a pink and blue cannon next to pink pony. Pink pony loaded it with—was that a nuclear bomb?—and fired at the trees. Pink pony laughed evilly. Twilight gulped.
Boom!

“Hahaha!”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!”

“Why are you always screaming?!”

“Because, Applejack, you ponies are crazy!”

“So are you.”

“True. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

**************

They landed in front of a frothing river. There was no way to cross. Then they noticed a giant purple sea serpent was making the water wild. He was crying. Rarity stood and walked over.

She called up to him, “Mr. Sea Serpent! I have a gift for you that will relieve you of your woes!”

“Thanks!” the sea serpent said through tears. “What is it?”

“This beautiful blue necktie,” Rarity told him, producing a giant necktie and floating it up and around the sea serpent’s neck. The sea serpent looked down at it, a happy expression appearing on his face, though soon replaced by one of horror. The neck tie magically tightened around the sea serpent’s neck and killed it. Rarity smiled and waded across the river, the surface now tranquil and smooth. The others followed, stunned.

**************

They came to a cliff. They could just see the other side and a broken bridge hanging down. After the promise of a strengthening potion afterwards Rainbow agreed to to go to the other side and fix the bridge. She flew to the other side and grabbed the bridge. Suddenly three darkly colored pegasi appeared. The leader offered him a gold bit. He thought for a second, then kicked the leader in the chin and flew back with the bridge. Strength potion was way better than one gold bit. When she landed back with the others Rainbow grabbed Twilight and threw her over the side. Princess Celestia had still given her more than Twilight had.

**************

Suddenly they saw a giant castle. They ran inside—because creepy castle = scary villain, duh. They went up a flight of stairs and emerged in a throne room. There was Nightmare Moon.

“Evil laugh,” she told them. “Oh, btw, you want the elements of dynamite? I don’t know why I came to this castle in the first place, but I don’t care about these. Take em’.” Nightmare Moon floated them over to Twilight and her enemies.

“Okay girls,” Twilight said, putting her hoof out. “Lets do this—together.” She smiled encouragingly at them. They smiled back and put their hoofs out to meet hers. They all got electrocuted by her shocker wristband.

“Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!” they all screamed.

Twilight laughed. “Now,” she said, “Lets blow Nightmare up.” She looked at Nightmare. “Pink pony is the element of nuclear, Rainbow Dash is the element of bribes, Rarity is the element of Pain, Applejack is the element of Truth, Fluttershy is the, uh, second element of Pain, and I am the element of super villain. Now make with the boomedy boom!”
Nightmare Moon blew up and they all cheered. “Enemies forever?” Twilight asked.

“Enemies forever,” they all agreed.

The Ticket Trickster

Twilight was walking along a dirt path in the middle of Sweet Apple Acres with Applejack and Spike, helping sort apples. Applejack had promised her an authentic 27-5 Shotgun from the twenty-third Equestrian civil war in exchange for helping out on the farm. Spike was sitting on Twilight’s back doing her homework and sorting apples at the same time while Twilight lazily strolled along. Suddenly Spike, as he picked up another apple, belched a letter. Twilight snatched it and opened it. Two ticket were enclosed inside.

“Dear Twilight,” Twilight read, “Because I hate your guts I am inviting (commanding) you to the Grand Galumphing Gala, the most prestigious of all galas. While most ponies crave nothing more than going, I will make sure it your worst nightmare. Hoping you die first, Princess Celestia.

PS: May you stumble to your death during the dance.” Twilight grimaced. “Great. Now I have to go to some stupid ball—”

“Hold a darn tootin’ second,” Applejack exclaimed. “Some stupid ball? This ball is everpony’s dream! Can I have the other ticket?”

“What would a pony do to get a ticket?” Twilight asked, paying no mind to Applejack’s request.
“Anything,” Applejack told her fervently. “So?”

“You can have it,” Twilight told her slyly. “For the right price.”

**************

Twilight strolled along through the center of Bloodville, holding the tickets in her hoof. She had a plan. She would first go to the Mayor’s home, pretend to fall, the mayor would come out with her pitchfork, and the tickets would land right on her doorstep. Twilight would and pick them up, and the mayor would beg her to be allowed the other ticket. Twilight would accept, for a price, and say that she wouldn’t give the ticket just yet. Then she would continue to—

Lost in her thoughts, she ran into a pony and fell to the ground, dazed. She clambered to her hoofs gingerly and saw Pink Pony. Pink Pony picked up the ticket and laughed evilly. Twilight looked on in horror as the ticket went toward the pony’s mouth. She then kicked Pink Pony in the shins and ran as fast as she could, the ticket clenched between her teeth. Suddenly a white pony landed on her painfully.

“Ahhhhhh!!!!” Twilight yelled, out of both pain and aggravation.

“Hello darling,” Rarity greeted her. “Oooh, gala ticket! Gimme!” Rarity snatched the ticket from Twilight. “Thank you!” Rarity ran. Twilight painfully rose and teleported herself ahead of Rarity. Rarity turned down a side street and Twilight followed. They continued this way for about two days, then both came to a stop, rather out of breath. Twilight recovered quickly, snatching the ticket from Rarity.

“Listen Rarity,” Twilight told her. “You can have the ticket, just do a few favors for me first. Deal?”

Rarity nodded. “You’re very generous. I think I need to be generous to you.”

Twilight ran like the demons of Tartarus were after her.

**************

Twilight was walking along when Rainbow Dash crashed into her.

“Agh!” Twilight screamed. “I have had it! What is it with ponies crashing into me today!” She paused. “And yesterday.”

“Sorry Twilight,” Rainbow Dash told her, then whispered, “That was totally a lie.” Then she notice the ticket. “Say, is that a ticket to the gala?”

“Yes, Rainbow,” Twilight told her slyly. “I’ll give it to you—for a price.”

“Or I could just take it!” Rainbow grabbed the ticket and, well, dashed away.

Twilight sighed and took off running again. Rainbow flew away towards Stormsdale. Twilight teleported herself there just outside of Rainbow Factory. She hid behind a rainbow and watched as Rainbow Dash approached. Twilight then leaped out from behind the rainbow and tackled Rainbow Dash, wrestling the ticket from her.

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled. “I will give you the ticket if you do me a few small favors!”
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “What favors?”

Twilight smiled.

**************

Twilight, knowing that their encounter was going to happen anyway, went to Fluttershy’s shack. It was in the middle of a old military camp that was no longer in use. Twilight entered the shack and found Fluttershy throwing leeches into a cage full of bunnies. Twilight came over.

“Hey, Fluttershy,” Twilight said hesitantly. “I have an extra ticket to the gala. If you want it, just do me a few favors. Deal?”

“Yes!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “The Royal Leech Vault is the largest leech collection in all of Equestria!”

It took a second for Twilight to register this. “Royal Leech Vault? Celestia actually has that? How are you going to get access? Wait, don’t answer that. Anyway, this is the bargain I drive…”

**************

Twilight was back home in the Iron Elm Library. She had hit every house in Bloodville. Now ponies rushed all around, getting things for her. She sipped from her lemonade as a pony did her toenails. Then someone spoke.

“Wait a darn tootin’ second!” Applejack said. “I just noticed. There are other ponies doing favors for Twilight apart from me! Uh, how did I not notice that?” she asked no one in particular. All the ponies started looking around and noticing the others. Then the ponies started advancing on Twilight. Twilight stared around at the ponies. Then she thought of a spell. She smiled, stood, took a sip of lemonade, took another sip of lemonade, and cast the spell. It erased all the ponies memories of Twilight’s trickery and they were teleported back to their homes. Well, almost all the ponies. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pink Pony advanced on her.

“So, Twilight,” They all said in unison. “I was the one you were planning to give it to, right?”

Twilight laughed harshly. “I was never going to give it to any of you! So long, suckers!”

She disappeared with a pop. The five ponies looked at each other. They agreed—They would have revenge.

Ponybuck Season

Applejack wiped her brow. It was hard work, ponybucking.

Twilight was walking past Sweet Apple Acres when Applejack saw her. Applejack narrowed her eyes.

“Big Cheese,” she said to her older brother. “Over there.” She gestured toward Twilight. Big Cheese nodded. “Eeyup.” They ran toward Twilight. She turned to look just before they kicked her 2,832 feet in the air. Spike cheered.

Twilight’s screams could be heard loud and clear across Bloodville. “You’ll pay Applejack! You’ll pay! When I become an alicorn! And trust me I will become an alicorn! I will rule Equestria! And then you will pay, Applejack!”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Hey Applejack, why do you keep kicking ponies?” he asked Applejack. “You’ve been doing it all week.”

“Well, Spike, here’s how it is,” Applejack told him, “its ponybucking season! Me and Big Cheese get paid by PBS (Pony Bucking Society) to kick ponies. Its our main source of income, seein’ as ponies don’t like gettin’ apples from our farm. Says its ‘creepy.’ Right ridiculous seein’ as they live in a town called Bloodville. We also make a small income on illegal drugs, but don’t tell the police that.” He winked at Spike. Spike grinned and nodded eagerly.

Right then Twilight hit the ground.“You’ll… pay… Applejack,” She groaned. “I… rule... Equ-” Big Cheese kicked her again. He let out a yelp of pain and fell to the ground. It was plain to see, no need to ask whether the leg was twisted or not. It was.

“Do you think you’ll be able to do more ponybucking this season?” Applejack asked him.

Big Cheese shook his head. “Nope.”

Applejack sighed. “Guess its all up to me then. It won’t be easy. I better get to work.”

**************

“Calling to order this town meeting!” Twilight called across the square. She and the rest of the town (except Applejack) were in the town square. “We are gathered here to discuss Applejack’s ponybucking. She’s ponybucked almost everypony in town, and the situation is serious. I’m all for violence, but this is going too far. Now, as for how to deal with the problem, Kill her, I say! Still, everyone can give suggestions.”

Rainbow Dash shoved Twilight away from the podium. “I have a plan for getting her. When I’m done with her—”

Pink Pony landed on the podium. “Mwhaha!”

Fluttershy leapt down from a roof and landed on Pink Pony’s head. Pink Pony fell to the ground unconscious. “My kindness will persuade her to stop,” she reassured them. Nopony doubted that. Except for Rainbow and Pink Pony. Rainbow ponybucked Fluttershy out of the way.

“My plan is a hundred times better than yours!” he boasted.

Pink pony came back to consciousness and slapped Rainbow with her tail, momentarily stunning him. “Haha ha hahaha!” she argued.

Twilight, having had enough, made a magic explosion noise. It got everypony’s attention. “Alright, listen up!” Twilight yelled. “You can each try and see if your method works! Happy? Good! Meeting adjourned!”

**************

“Hey, Applejack!” Rainbow Dash called, hovering far above the ground to avoid getting ponybucked, “Wanna go test out my new catapult with me? There’ll be a huge crowd of ponies watching. Are you in?”

Applejack looked up. “A huge crowd of ponies, eh? I’ll be there.”
Rainbow pumped her fist and flew away.

Suddenly another pegasus flew in, this time Fluttershy. “Hey, Applejack, do you want to go to the spa with me later? Its really busy today.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Sure, I’ll be there. Funny, Rainbow just invited me to test out a catapult. I’d think there was a conspiracy, but thats plum crazy.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Most certainly crazy.” She flew off at top speed.

Pink Pony now raced over. She ran around Applejack at the speed of sound to avoid being ponybucked. Her words arrived several minutes late because of this. “Hahahahahaha ha!” She pointed toward the just visible roof of Sugar Cube Coroner, the building that served as Pink Pony’s residence, coroner’s office, and a bakery that was very popular.

Applejack nodded uncertainly. “I’ll be there.” She felt that something fishy was going on, but she dismissed the thought. The ponies she had kicked over ten times each would never try to trick her, would they? Never, Applejack decided.

**************

Applejack arrived at the catapult late, her back legs aching from all the ponybucking. Rainbow Dash was waiting for her.

“Hey, AJ, glad you could make it!” Rainbow greeted her.

“Where’s the crowd?”asked Applejack suspiciously.

“Oh, the crowd isn’t here yet,” explained Rainbow. “We need to do a test run before they arrive.”

Applejack nodded. “Okay. What do we do?”

“Well,” Rainbow said, “First you need to sit on that end of the stick.” Applejack sat on the stick. “And I just jump from here onto this end of the stick!” Rainbow jumped onto the other end and Applejack went flying far away. Rainbow, pleased with her work, went to Sugar Cube Coroner to get some pastries for the night. She stopped in her tracks however when she saw Mayor Mare flying into the air. She growled and looked around for something to break.

**************

Applejack arrived at Sugar Cube Coroner exhausted. “Hey, Pinkie Pie,” he greeted Pinkie Pie, which was Pink Pony’s real name.

“Haha!” Pinkie replied. She pointed to Applejack’s head, then at the mixing bowl.

“You want me to put my head in the mixing bowl?” Applejack asked. Pinkie nodded. “Well, I don’t know nothin’ about cooking so I’ll take your word for it.” He stuck his head in the mixing bowl. Pinkie Pie pressed the button on the mixer. Applejack started spinning, his hind legs sticking straight out. They caught Pinkie in the side and she was sent crashing through a window and landing on the other end of Ponyville.
“Ha!” she complained.

**************

Applejack walked into the spa rather unsteadily, his head still spinning. She saw Fluttershy waiting for her.

“Hi Applejack!” she greeted her. “Ready for the spa?”

“You bet,” Applejack told her. “I am aching crazy from all this ponybuckin’.”

“Those aches will soon be in quite a different predicament,” Fluttershy told her, slowly advancing.

Applejack backed up until she was pressed flat against the wall. “Wait a second,” Applejack said. “What—”

“Don’t worry, its only a little kindness,” Fluttershy cooed. Applejack ran.

**************

It didn’t work. Nothing did. Whatever they tried was a failure. Twilight and the others sighed. They were sitting in the Iron Elm Library around a table covered in papers and hay.

“Bribe her?” Rainbow suggested. “Always works on me.”

“No,” Twilight said resignedly. “She’s too honest to cave to bribes.”

“Twilight, do you even know what honest means?”

“I don’t think I do anymore.” Twilight sighed again. “Really! Is kicking ponies honest?” They all turned to look out the window where Applejack and Mrs Cake stood, Mrs Cake with a frying pan in hoof.

“Honestly, Mrs. Cake, you look like you’re about to kicked in the air.”

They all turned to look at Twilight. Twilight glared. They glared back. Twilight glared harder. Then there was a great chiming sound, breaking the stare down. They rushed outside to find a giant pony mech walking through Bloodville.

Twilight jaw dropped. “What the fuck?”

The mech stopped and two almost identical brothers jumped out of the top, lowering themselves to ground with magic.

“Hello, good ponies,” one of them said. “We’ll be back later this season, but right now we’re here to announce that ponybuck season is officially over!”

Applejack wiped sweat off her brow. “Thank Celestia! I’m getting pretty tired. Now, money.”

The other of the two ponies produced several bags of bits and handed them to Applejack. “Don’t go prying too deep into where we got that money,” he whispered jovially to Applejack. “Just spend as much of it as you can before the police come for you. So long ponies!” he called out. “We’ll be back!” With that they teleported back into their mech and stomped off, crushing a house or too in the process.

Rainbow pushed Twilight’s jaw up. “Now, our deal is off.” They had signed a truce with Twilight that lasted until Applejack stopped ponybucking. Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow, and Applejack began to advance.

Twilight threw up her hooves. “Why? FOR CELESTIA’S SAKE, WHY??????”

Author's Note

:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:
Big Cheese! Get it, cause mac and cheese...
sigh
I really make the worst jokes.