"I'm not going in there."
"I'm not going in there."
"For the hundredth time, it's perfectly safe! We've ALL done it!"
"And for the hundredth-and-first time, the last time I stepped through a big scary vortex thing I ended up in a world of magical talking tiny horses!"
"Again, we're ponies. Not tiny horses. There's a difference."
"Whatever!"
Twilight Sparkle groaned, dragging a hoof down the length of her face in frustration. It was too early in the morning to be dealing with these kinds of shenanigans. She hadn't even gotten a chance to partake in her morning coffee yet. Why was this morning, in particular, going so poorly? Well, the best place to start would be at the beginning.
It all started about an hour and a half ago. The moon had just set allowing the sun to take its place and signal all of Equestria that it was time to wake up and greet the day. Twilight had woken up peacefully from a surprisingly restful sleep and wonderfully pleasant dreams, feeling better then she had in a long time. Seems the stress of running a school, helping to maintain a proper balance of friendship in Equestria, and staying alert for whatever the next big crisis was, had finally decided to subside and allow the young alicorn to relax. She felt like a new mare, but she knew she could feel better. And so, she ventured forth to her kitchen in order to brew the traditional morning beverage of choice for most functioning adults: coffee. The caffeinated elixir of life had mythical and inexplicable properties that allowed anyone to face even the worst of days with some form of motivation. So logically speaking it could only improve upon a seemingly perfect day, right? Sound logic.
That was Twilight's train of thought as she prepared the piping hot liquid. And after pouring the beverage into her absolute favorite mug— in order to maximize the improvement to her perfect morning, obviously— and adding the necessary additions such as creamer: she took in an overly long, deep breath of that delectable aroma to prepair herself for the absolute perfection that today was about to become.
Only for a series of bloodcurdlingly loud screams loud enough to shake the very foundations of Equestria itself to startle her into dropping the ceramic cup, causing it to crash into the ground, thus sending the broken shards of the perfect morning and the perfect mug, as well as piping hot coffee, all over the kitchen floor.
Obviously more concerned with the safety of the townsponies over her lack of caffeine, Twilight was quick to rush into the fray to figure out what the hay was going on. And after quickly gathering her group of friends, she was able to deduce the cause of the screams. Apparently just as the Ponyville marketplace was starting to get into the swing of things, a mysterious magical explosion occurred right dab in the middle of everything. Thankfully no one was hurt in the event, but it did scare the daylights out of a number of ponies. That was the cause of the first few screams. The rest were caused by what was left in the middle of the blast's epicenter. A monster, according to the reports of everyone that was asked. It ran off after letting out some of its own screams.
What followed was a thirty-minute goose chase all over Ponyville. Whatever this creature was, it was very good at only being seen in very sparse intervals as it made its way around town scaring more ponies in the process. It wasn't causing any more harm then that, but Twilight and co still needed to find it to see what it was, how it got here, and how to help it get back home if need be. But eventually, with some help from some students at the School of Friendship, they managed to corner the creature and finally get a good look at it. But instead of some eldritch abomination from beyond time and space, like Twilight had been expecting, the unidentified lifeform that had been "terrorizing" Ponyville all morning was actually something that she and Spike had encountered in the past.
A human being.
By some cosmic prank (not caused by Discord, they ruled that out after Fluttershy's interrogation of the chaos lord), the man named Anon had somehow managed to slip into Equestria from the human world. And, understandably speaking, he was pretty frightened about the whole thing. It didn't help that the first thing he had heard upon arrival was a series of ponies screaming in fear and confusion. So he did the only logical thing his brain could come up with: run away and try to get home. Only the first part of that plan worked, however, but at least he got his exercise for the day. So in his eyes, that was a plus.
After that, Twilight elected that it would be a good idea to let everypony know that humans weren't dangerous, just in case anything like this ever happened again. The chances of that were unfathomably unlikely, but it never hurts to be prepared for a possible situation. Especially when that preparation was as simple as "Hi, this is Anon, he's friendly." The little Tour de Ponyville only took another half hour, but the realization that he wasn't in a world filled with murderous tiny horses also helped to calm him down, allowing Anon to explain how he got here.
"One minute I was walking down the street, minding my own business. And the next thing I know, the ground is gone and I'm falling into a spiraling vortex of death! Then I landed in the middle of a bunch of screaming tiny horses, and I ran for my life!"
And that was literally the whole story. Not very interesting, it didn't even have that good of a plot twist according to Pinkie Pie, but how he got here didn't really matter all that much. Because Twilight Sparkle had a way of getting him back to his world. The Crystal Mirror, the magical gateway between Equestria and the human world. And if they were lucky, Canterlot High would be close to wherever he lived. And Anon was absolutely ecstatic about that fact...
Until he saw what Twilight had in mind for sending him back. And the last half hour had been spent trying to convince him that this portal was indeed safe.
"Anon, please. This portal leads to your world!" Twilight Sparkle pleaded, gesturing to the violet vortex with a frustrated hoof. "It's perfectly safe!"
"That thing looks about as far from safe as I can possibly imagine!" Anon barked back, gesturing to the portal in turn. "It made all those weird noises when you turned it on, that power cable has a felt patch on it, and it's powered by a book! A friggen' BOOK!"
"Well, technically the book is just a conduit. It has a permit connection to the other side of the portal, so by using it to align the mirror on—"
"Yea, yeah, yeah, Star Trek since mumbo jumbo, you don't need to explain it again."
"Then why are you being so insistent on not going through?" Starlight Glimmer pipped up, sitting near the back of the room with a very bored posture. Twilight brought her in after the first ten minutes of Anon's stubborn behavior. You can probably imagine how well that worked out. "We've told you how it works, so where's the danger?"
"How do I know that this thing actually goes back to my world?" Anon asked, turning to the guidance counselor with a sneer. "How can I be sure that this isn't just some cosmic trash compactor, and you've all been lying to me this whole time?!"
"You're a really paranoid person," Spike interjected. He was sitting at the base of the portal with a comic book clutched in his claws. He'd already given up on trying to convince Anon to step through, much to Twilight's dismay. "Why would we lie to you?"
"Well, why wouldn't you lie to me? What do you have to gain by helping me get home?" Anon said, backing further away from the portal.
"Because it's the right thing to do?" Twilight asked rhetorically.
These latest developments in the redundant conversation sparked two ideas into Starlight Glimmer's head, one that was just crazy enough to possibly work, and one that probably actually would work. But just in case, she decided it would be best to put both plans in motion. For the first plan, she subtlely opened the magical journal atop the portal's pedestal, sending an inked quill up there to send a message to the other side. As for the second idea, it all started with a simple question.
"Alright, Anon. Let's say that we do intend to do away with you like you say we are," Starlight began with a smile, much to Twilight's horror. The idea that Starlight would even consider bringing this up, even rhetorically, after everything that the unicorn had learned was shocking to her. So much so that Twilight hadn't noticed that Starlight's horn was glowing. "Why on Equus would we do it in such a roundabout way?"
Anon's eyes narrowed, a hand finding its way up to stroke at his chin, its twin propping up his elbow. It seems that Starlight had gotten him thinking. "... Go on."
"Take a look at the facts. You're standing in a room with a pretty powerful unicorn, an immensely powerful alicorn, and a dragon," she gestured to Spike, who gave a small wave. "Not to mention the other five ponies who were with us earlier, who are all fearsome in their own right. If we wanted to do you harm, we could easily do so without breaking a sweat." Her horn ceased to glow, and the subtle sound of a closing journal went unnoticed to all but her.
"Starlight, what are you doing?!" Twilight hissed through clenched teeth. "That's not how we do things!"
"Exactly!" Starlight beamed, stepping over to Twilight with a wide smile. Placing a forelimb over the shoulder of the partly angry mostly confused alicorn. "We don't operate like that! We help people in need, not send them into 'cosmic trash compacters.' We took the time to calm you down, let everypony know you weren't dangerous, and even showed you around town." It was around now when Twilight started to realize what Starlight was trying to do, the Princess of Friendship shifting tone to an approving smile. "So, going back to my hypothetical question: If we really wanted to do you harm, why would we do it in such a roundabout and inefficient way when we clearly have much easier options? Especially after we've been so nice to you?"
Not exactly how I would have done it, Twilight commented internally, her smile beginning to falter ever so slightly, but this is just crazy enough to work.
Anon simply stood there for a moment or two, eyeing the two magic casting ponies with an unchanging posture and expression. "... I'm still not convinced that thing is safe."
But clearly not crazy enough as to not blow up in our faces, Twilight mentally added as her grimace from earlier returning tenfold.
"I mean, you made some good points. A deathtrap this is pretty stupid," Anon continued, taking a seat in the chair where Starlight previously sat. It was a tad too small for him, but it held. "But allow me to make a counter-argument."
This oughtta be good. Those words echoed in the minds of Twilight, Starlight, and Spike all in unison, unbeknownst to any of them. Afterward, they patiently waited for him to continue.
"Maybe you all just have a really sick sense of humor, and that portal leads to a dimension made of sock puppets." If you listened closely that day, you could almost hear the two face-hoofs and the one face-claw echo across Equestria. Now he was just being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn.
"Any more brilliant ideas?" Twilight asked sarcastically, looking back at her student.
"As a matter of fact, I do!" Starlight beamed with pride. "And I've already set it into motion!"
"What're you—?"
As if on cue, a yellow and red unicorn suddenly stampeded through the portal as if her life had depended on it. "Starlight!?" Sunset Shimmer suddenly shouted. The outburst caused all in the room, save for Starlight who had been expecting it, to nearly leap out of their skin. "I got your message! What's the—?!" Her eyes went wide as she looked upon the terrified human sitting before her. "... Oh... That's not something you see in Equestria every day."
"Who the heck is THAT?!" Anon yelled, pointing menacingly at the equally surprised new arrival.
"That is Sunset Shimmer," Starlight explained with a triumphant pep in her tone. "She lives in your world. And she's living proof that this portal is safe."
Oh. That is a good idea, Twilight thought as she watched the new arrival slowly approach the human, clearly fascinated by the fact that he was in Equestria at all. ... Why didn't I think of that?... Why didn't I offer to just go through the portal with him?! The Princess of Friendship was slowly realizing that maybe, just maybe, her daily coffee was for more than just helping her feel good on less-than-stellar days.
"... So why is there one of you living in my world?" Anon asked, utterly ignoring the flame-colored unicorn as he looked back to Starlight. "... You're not planning an invasion, are you? Because if you are, I surrender."
"What?! No! Never!" Sunset blurted, clearly offended by the implication.
"It's a long story," Twilight explained as her mood began to improve. She stepped forward and gave Sunset a friendly nudge. "I'm sure she'd be willing to tell parts of it while she helps you find your way home."
Expression unchanging, Sunset Shimmer turned to face the Princess of Friendship. "I never agreed to this."
"Just do this one thing for me, please," Twilight hissed in her ear, " I haven't had my morning coffee yet, and you owe me after making me meet myself. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to talk to yourself?!"
As Anon watched this... interesting example of Equestrian Friendship unfold before him, he let out a defeated sigh. Obviously, there was no getting out of this. He honestly didn't even know why he was being so reluctant about this. He wanted to go home and move on with his life. Yet for whatever reason, he just wasn't able to think straight. Maybe it was because of the mind-boggling terror he had experienced when he came to this world? Or the fear caused by an entire town of alien ponies calling him a monster? Or maybe it was the fact that he skipped his daily coffee this morning?
Upon further reflection, it was likely a combination of all three of these factors. So after apologizing for his rude behavior and explaining himself, Twilight finding a kindred spirit in him due to their shared need of caffeine to function properly, Anon and Sunset stepped into the portal, allowing Twilight and the rest of Ponyville to get back to their day-to-day lives.
"Well, that could have gone better," Spike commented with a chuckle as he closed up his comic. "But looks like everything worked out in the end."
"As they always do!" Starlight added with pride as she trotted out of the room. She had plans today and wasn't about to let them be delayed any further.
And as her student left, Spike taking the time to stretch a bit before following suit, Twilight let out a relaxed sigh. This morning hadn't exactly gone as she had planned, and she'd have to go shopping later to find a mug that was at least half as nice as the one she had broken earlier this morning, but the day was still young. Plenty of opportunities for good things to happen, and she took a brief moment to reflect upon them. Maybe she'd invite all her friends for a spontaneous beach trip. Or head on up to Canterlot to check in on Moon Dancer and her other friends who lived up there. The potential possibilities were almost enough to reenergize the admittedly tired alicorn, and she couldn't wait to choose which path this day would follow. But she couldn't do any of that without closing the portal first. Didn't want anyone on the other side to accidentally stumble into Equestria again, after all.
But as soon as her magic touched the journal to free it from the pedestal, Sunset and Anon stepped right back through the portal. Both of them wearing the same wide-eyed confused expression. This, in turn, prompted Twilight and Spike to don similar looks of confusion.
"So..." Sunset began slowly, not breaking her thousand yard stare. "There were a few... problems."
And just like that, any and all hope Twilight had of salvaging this day shattered just like her favorite mug before them. "... What kind of problems?" She asked, eye twitching.
"Well, for starters..." Sunset and Anon slowly exchanged a knowing look before turning their attention to Twilight. "When we arrived... Anon here wasn't quite himself..." The alicorn said nothing, merely giving the two of them a look that implored them to keep going. "... You know how the mirror makes us human when we go to the human world? And changes us back when we come back to Equestria?"
"... Yes?" Twilight responded with a slow nod.
"What about it?" Spike added.
"Well... apparently, it doesn't do that based on what's supposed to be in either world," Sunset continued with a nervous chuckle. "It only cares about what side of the portal you're on when you go through."
To say the alicorn was confused was an understatement of the highest caliber. "... And?"
The nervous look the firey unicorn was wearing was suddenly replaced with a dry blank stare, and a tone of voice to match. "The portal turned Anon into a talking deer. Antlers and everything. He was not happy about that." Anon shook his head in agreement, his face conveying many emotions at that moment. A sense of betrayal, embarrassment, rage, and suppressed laughter.
Okay... so that was one more problem Twilight had to figure out at some point. But how hard could it be to figure out how to get him back on the other side without him being robbed of his human body. And besides, maybe this could be a useful thing for them to know in the future. Sunset has stated several times that she's more comfortable in a human body, so maybe she'd visit more if they found a way to nullify that effect of the mirror. Plus, if there was ever an emergency over on Sunset's end that she and her friends couldn't deal with, Twilight could get over there in alicorn form and give some magical assistance. Maybe Anon's arrival here was a blessing in disguise? The universe's way of preparing them for some an eventual threat! That had to be it!
"Also..." Anon added slowly, raising a pointed index finger to the sky. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news... but that wasn't my world."
Twilight didn't think her hopes and dreams could be shattered twice within the span of five minutes. But somehow, Anon managed to make it happen. "... Come again?"
Anon crossed his arms as he descended the steps that lead up to the portal. "That isn't my world. I'm not from there."
"But you're a human!" Spike argued, stepping up the steps to where Anon just stood. "And this goes to the human world!"
"I'm starting to think that there are more than two worlds..." Sunset added, her anxious look returning. "I mean, it'd make sense if there were."
"And that one isn't mine. Because where I'm from: human's aren't yellow... or green... or blue... or purple." Before continuing to rant on about what colors humans in his world couldn't be, he stopped and turned to Spike. "And on an unrelated note, you are an adorable puppy... even if dogs aren't supposed to be purple and green. But it works for a dragon!"
Spike scratched the back of his neck. "Uhh... thanks?"
By this point, Twilight was one hundred and ten percent done with today. It wasn't the fact that any of this had happened though, she had gone through worse trials then this. And it wasn't Anon's clearly extended stay either, he was actually a pretty nice guy aside from the fit he threw over the portal in the first place. It wasn't even the fact that now she had to figure out how to travel to a completely different plane of existence if Anon were to ever hope of getting home. It was the fact that all of this had happened before she had her morning coffee. And the worst part? It was all her fault. She took her sweet time in pouring the cup, adding the creamer, and admiring the aroma. Had she performed these actions in a timely manner, as she did every other morning, she might have been able to at least get a sip or two in her system before the interruption. At least then she wouldn't be so... so... whatever the heck she was right now! She didn't even know!
But, despite this unfortunate conclusion to this scenario, there was at least an opportunity for a lull in the action. Thankfully Twilight had already introduced him to the town, meaning they won't freak out about him still being here. And seeing as how interdimensional travel was a very complicated field of study, Anon surely wouldn't mind waiting patiently for her to figure it out (and if he did have problems with that, then Twilight would burn that bridge when she came to it). So for now, at least, there was an opportunity to improve this odd day, and hopefully salvage it. And so, since this problem was clearly one that wouldn't be solved in a day, Twilight decided to ask the one question that had been simmering in the back of her mind all morning.
"So, who wants coffee?"
Author's Note
So I've had this idea for a while now, and I finally decided to write it out. Took about two hours to do so. Don't know how or why I decided that Twilight needing coffee would be the big running joke, but it just sort of happened and I ran with it.
There might be one other chapter to this story that has very little to do with what happened in this chapter later down the road. If you're reading this and that chapter already exists: hello again, the future! I like to keep my author's notes nice and dated!
