To Babysit a Crusader

by Chuck Baleigh

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 20615

To test the behavior of humans, Twilight Sparkle sends the Cutie-Mark Crusaders to Earth, where a human brony takes care of them, not knowing he's being tested.

(This story continues in "Misadventures of That Babysitter Guy")
–
When Twilight Sparkle wants to learn more about human culture (after their existence is proven), she decides that she wants to bring a human into Equestria so as to share each other's cultures. But because they don't know if they can trust humans, she sends the Cutie Mark Crusaders to Earth to be babysat (or foalsat) by a human, so as to test human behavior around ponies. The human, despite being a brony, isn't exactly up to the task…
–
This story? It takes place from my perspective.
Y'know what that means? It's a dumb self-insert fic.
But ho! Come back! Don't let that scare you away! I swear I'm not an imbalanced character!
At least read the story. THEN you can start hating it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-10 01:01:30 UTC

Prologue

To Babysit a Crusader

Written by: Chuck Baleigh

It was a normal day in Ponyville. Everypony went along with their normal business as usual, whether they were working, shopping, or doing anything in between. However, if one were to go to the library, they would find that there were two ponies in there doing something that, really, wasn't normal. In fact, these two unicorns were doing something that had never even been done before (or been thought possible), so the chance of the act being normal was thrown out the window. The two ponies that were participating in this act were Twilight Sparkle and Lyra Heartstrings.

"C'mon Twilight! You should be more trusting of humans!" Lyra stated to Twilight across the library.

"I can't just assume that any human we let in here will be perfect," Twilight shot back.

It had been a couple months since Twilight had accidentally discovered Earth and the human world. All she was really doing that day was practicing spells that involved portals and teleportation, though she was also curious to see if there really were alternate dimensions, like in many of the books she had recently been reading (At that point, sci-fi was one of the only genres she hadn't read much of). She never expected one of the portals she created to actually work. Going through it, she had found herself in a city filled with bipedal creatures. It was such a strange sight! These creatures appeared to be as intelligent as ponies as far as Twilight could tell! They could talk, read, and had established a society she had never even heard of! It wasn't long, however, before she found herself being scared back into the portal by a speeding metal monster with lights.

After this discovery, she made it a priority to tell her friends of the find. Oddly, out of all the ponies Twilight told, Lyra was the most excited. She seemed to know exactly what kind of creatures Twilight was talking about.

"But they're HUMANS. I bet they'll learn to be on their best behavior once they get here!"

"There's also a chance they WON'T learn to be on their best behavior. That's why we're testing one to see if it's worth bringing one here."

Lyra had explained that day humans and anything about them. From that point on, Twilight had tried to find any information she could on humans. But strangely, there was nothing. No books, scrolls, letters, or any writing in between. Twilight had asked Lyra how she discovered humans, and it turned out that Lyra had an old human history book hidden away in her house. Apparently, it was the only copy, considering Twilight had never seen or heard of it. However, it appeared very outdated (At least, Twilight thought it was, considering how neither her nor Lyra knew how old it really was), so it didn't seem like a reliable source of information. Twilight wondered why no ponies from that dimension had ever tried contacting this one, let alone tell them about humans (obviously if there was a book about humans here, some ponies had to have gone there)! It would've seemed like a much more efficient way to keep updates going on about that world! So

Twilight, being ever willing to learn about new things, formulated a plan to bring a human to Equestria, so that they could share each other's cultures! However, they couldn't just trust any ol' human they brought in. That's exactly why they were initiating this test...

There were knocks on the library door.

"Come on in!" Twilight shouted across the room.

The door opened, and in came Applejack, along with her little sister, Apple Bloom. Next, Rarity entered. Behind her was Sweetie Belle, her little sister. Finally, Rainbow Dash entered, with her adoring fan Scootaloo right next to her.

"Hey girls! Glad to see you could all make it." Twilight greeted cheerfully.

"Howdy Twilight! Ah see you n' Lyra are ready." Applejack responded.

"Oh most definitely!" Lyra chimed excitedly. She couldn't wait to finish this test and maybe see a human before her eyes.

"Thanks again for volunteering for this girls. I couldn't do it without you." Twilight said.

"Oh, it's nothing really dear." Rarity said with a wave of a hoof.

"I just thought it'd be a pretty cool thing to check out." Rainbow Dash said, sounding a bit uninterested.

"And I'm sure you're excited about the whole thing too." Twilight said to the Cutie Mark Crusaders with a smile.

"We sure are!" Apple Bloom shouted.

"I can't wait to see another world!" Sweetie Belle added.

"Maybe we'll get our cutie marks for going to another dimension!" Scootaloo concluded.

"Whether you get your cutie marks or not, it should be quite the unique experience." Twilight assured them.

"Alright, so how do we get there again?" Rainbow Dash asked Twilight.

Twilight pointed to the center of the library with her horn. "All you have to do is stand there while Lyra and I conjure a portal."

"And remind me again dear. What exactly are the details of this 'test'? Rarity asked.

"All I need you to do is leave the fillies in the care of a human for about a day or two. I'd like to see how exactly they react to being around ponies, and I figured foal-sitting would be the perfect way to test that. Surely there are ponies that coexist with them, but I wanted to see what a human does when alone with a pony. And don't worry. I'll be monitoring the whole thing. If anything goes wrong, I'll cast an evacuation portal." Twilight answered.

"Can we get this thing started?" Lyra asked impatiently.

"Yes Lyra." Twilight answered her with a small giggle. She pointed to the center of the library. "Everypony please stand over there."

As instructed, the group of six stood in the area Twilight pointed to. As they walked over, Twilight and Lyra started the portal spell, both of their horns glowing. It was almost silent, only the sound of magic being used breaking it.

Rainbow Dash yawned. She missed an afternoon nap for this? It didn't look like anyth- there was a large sound, something along the lines of paper being ripped, that rung through the library.

Before everypony's eyes, there was a large hole being ripped into the middle of the library. It had appeared out of thin air, and it was floating as it continued to rip. All ponies not working on the portal looked at it in awe. It was an amazing sight, seeing a hole being created in the fabric of reality. As they looked on, Twilight and Lyra stopped their magic, and the portal gently floated downwards.

Twilight was slightly panting. "Whew, it's a good thing you helped me Lyra. A portal that big would've taken much longer to make on my own."

Lyra beamed. "Oh Twilight, you know I'd help out anytime."

With that, Twilight gestured towards the rest of the ponies to walk in. Applejack was apprehensive.

"Ya sure this is safe Twilight?"

"Positive. It may make you feel a bit tingly, but I haven't observed any other side effects as of yet. All you have to do is walk forward to get to your destination."

Rainbow Dash, not wanting to look scared, went first. She slowly approached the portal, put a hoof into it, and the rest of her body followed.

"Come on in guys! It's not so bad!" Dash called from within the portal.

This gave Scootaloo the courage to go in next. She, like her idol, didn't want to appear cowardly (that and she figured since Rainbow Dash went in, she should too), and stepped forward to the portal. She put her two front hooves in and then took the rest of her body with her into the portal.

"C'mon you guys! Don't make me come back out to drag you in!" Scootaloo shouted, more specifically to the other crusaders.

Apple Bloom bloom made a dash for the portal and jumped right through it.

"Ah do feel a bit tingly." Apple Bloom said.

Applejack went next, more so to go after her little sister. She, like Apple Bloom, ran and jumped through the portal. That left only Rarity and Sweetie Belle. Before going in, the two sisters gave each other a re-assuring look, getting ready to actually do this.

"Should we jump in on three?" Sweetie asked her sister.

Rarity shrugged. "I don't see why not." She said, giving Sweetie a smile.

The two counted down together. "One...two...three!" And at that moment, the two jumped into the portal. Now there was nopony left in the room but Lyra and Twilight.

Twilight called out to the six. "Now girls, once you drop off the fillies, come back the way you came! I'll keep the portal open so you can come back! Have a good trip!"

With that, the six ponies in the portal walked forward as Twilight had instructed, and then faded away from sight.

At that moment, the door to the library opened, and Twilight's assistant Spike walked in. He had just finished running around doing errands, and was shocked to find a gaping hole in the middle of the library.

"Geez! What did I miss Twilight!?"

Part 2: Dinner, Scary Things, and Adorableness

"...yep, that's the last of it," Scootaloo boringly groaned.

"We've taken out everything from the toy box, and there's nothing fun looking," Sweetie Belle whined.

"I guess we aren't Cutie Mark Crusader fun finders," Apple Bloom finished, no enthusiasm in her voice.

It had been about an hour, and the girls were still just SO BORED. There was nothing fun to do down here. Nothing. If only Wyatt hadn't set up all those restrictions. Those other rooms were looking very mysterious and explorable, but if they went in there, Wyatt would get mad. Not that he wasn't already. He didn't seem like a very jolly fellow. Defeated by the looming sense of ennui, the three girls sat on the couch.

"What're we suppose ta do down here?" Apple Bloom asked the other two. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked at Apple Bloom, and then at each other, hoping the other would have an idea. Both of them just shrugged, followed by all three sighing from boredom and frustration. When all hope seemed lost, an idea hit Sweetie Belle.

"Girls, I've got it! Whenever Rarity wants me to stay outside and not bother her work, she tells me to use my imagination. We should just imagine something fun!" With nothing else to do, the other to Crusaders agreed to go with Operation: Imagination. "I'll start," Sweetie...started. "Alright, let's say...we're at sea."

"Um...we're pirates, and we've just taken the loot of another ship," Scootaloo added.

"And the ship was...deliverin' baked goods! Yeah! We're good pirates, tryin' ta get food for hungry ponies," Apple Bloom continued. Their imaginations took over, and instead of seeing a dank, boring basement, they saw the deck of a ship. Each crusader was now decked out in some kind of pirate get up, as their crew began taking the spoils of the ship they had just raided. All three, of course, shared the position of captain.

"Move it along mateys! We'd like to get back to port by sundown!" Scootaloo commanded the crew. As the girls watched their crew work, a husky stallion walked up to them from behind.

"Captains," he began. The three turned to attention. "I was wondering what ye might want to do with the captain of this ship," he asked as he slid a pony off of his back. Said pony tried struggling in the ropes he was tied in, but to no avail. He looked like Mr. Cake, except in a uniform you'd expect to see from a royal chef.

"What should we do with 'im?" Apple Bloom asked aloud, trying her hardest to mix her natural southern accent with a pirate's.

"I say we make him walk the plank!" Sweetie Belle suggested. At this, the captain/chef's expression turned to that of horror as he erratically shook his head. It was all he could do to signal his feelings towards that suggestion. He couldn't talk over that rag in his mouth, after all.

"No, Ah've a better idea!" Apple Bloom exclaimed as she walked over to the still scared pony. She removed the rag from his mouth, and looked him dead in the eye. "Where are your recipes?" The captain/chef gave her a shocked look. "I'll never tell! You can take all the bakery items you want, but not the recipes!"

Apple Bloom shook her head. "Well, either ye speak up, or walk the plank." At this, the captain/chef's expression turned to one of hopelessness. He decided it'd be better to lose his secret recipes than lose his life. With a sigh, he spoke.

"The recipes are in my cabin, inside the bottom drawer in the desk, kept under lock and key."

"And where's the key?" Scootaloo spoke up.

"...under the doormat..." the captain/chef reluctantly revealed.

With this information in mind, the three captains rushed over to the cabin, and looked under the doormat. Sure enough, a key was under it. Odd place to put it for something that's supposed to go in a drawer inside the cabin, but now's not the time to think about that. They entered the cabin, which looked like any other cabin you'd see. A small room with a desk and candle on top. The walls were strewn about with pictures of what were assumed to be the best creations of the captain/chef, considering how tasty they looked. The captains proceeded to move behind the desk, find the bottom drawer, and insert the key into the lock. They turned the key, and heard a small click!

They opened the drawer, and couldn't believe their little filly eyes. The recipes not only held the information on how to bake the foods, but came with pictures of them too, but that wasn't the amazing part. What was amazing, was that the foods looked absolutely delicious! The pictures of the food on the walls were garbage in comparison to these! There were cakes drizzled in chocolate sauce and cherries, bagels dipped in honey with cinnamon, donuts filled to the brim with raspberry filling, cookies covered in frosting and ice cream-

A loud, low groan brought the girls back to reality.  "What was that?" Scootaloo wondered. Another groan came from seemingly nowhere.

"There it is again!" Apple Bloom exclaimed. The girls stood around listening for a moment, then heard another groan. Tracing the noise, each individual Crusader looked at their own stomach as they each gave off one more loud growl. They hadn't even noticed how hungry they were until now. "Gee, Ah'm starved!" Apple Bloom remarked.

"Well, Wyatt's upstairs. Maybe we could ask him for something to eat," Sweetie Belle suggested. All in agreement that they had to put a stop to the rumbling in their bellies, the Crusaders headed up the stairs.

--

It had been only an hour since I sent the Crusaders into the basement, and for once, things were a bit quiet up here. It felt nice. And I mean REALLY nice (although I'm a bit curious as to why the Crusaders have been so quiet). I didn't really know anything that was going on around me. I was just reading on the computer, minding my own business. The rain outside was still pounding, so it really added to the sense of pea-the basement door just opened.

"Oh boy, I wonder what they wanna bother me with," I quietly muttered. I turned around to see that the three had already gathered around the computer chair I was sitting in (damn they're fast!), and were all staring at me with those giant eyes of theirs.

Sweetie Belle was the first to say something. "Uh, Wyatt we were just kinda-"

"Kinda hungry!" Scootaloo interrupted.

"We know you told us to stay downstairs an' all, but while we were down there our stomachs started growlin'," Apple Bloom added in.

"Isn't it weird how they all did it one after the other? It's like they were talking to each other!" Scootaloo said while rubbing her stomach, intrigued at such an idea.

"Ah don't think stomachs can talk to each other."

"I bet they could! We'd just-" I didn't hear what came next, because my mind was deep in thought. I completely forgot that I'd have to feed them! What were they going to eat? It's not like I keep some oats or someth- ...wait a minute! I could give them cereal! (Just not the sugary kinds. Lord knows I don't need to make them even MORE hyper). But what kinds of cereal did I have? I really hoped my mother had at least bought something that was remotely close to the oats that the Crusaders knew and loved.

"...all Ah'm sayin' is that we'd need to do so much work for such a little translator that probably wouldn't even be able to work!"

I spoke up before Scootaloo could offer what I assumed would be such a LOVELY counter-argument.

"Girls, wait right here. And quit arguing. Believe me, I've had enough of that in my lifetime." I got up from my chair and headed into the kitchen. I opened my cereal cabinet and peered in. Sugar cereal...sugar cereal...sugar cereal...Ah! There! A box of Cheerios! Perfect! I proceeded to take out the box and close the cabinet door. I turned around, then turned to my left to get three bowls out of another cabinet. As I poured a bowl, I glanced behind me and saw the girls' ears slightly perk up (Pouring a bowl of cereal isn't a silent act, after all).

"What exactly are you doin' in there Wyatt?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, I'm getting you supper," I said back.

"Oh! Oh! What're we having?" Sweetie Belle asked excitedly.

I poured the second bowl. "Well, I guess you could call them oats..."

Scootaloo eyed me suspiciously. "You guess?"

I poured the third bowl. "Yeah. I guess. Don't ask alright?"

As I looked at the bowls of cereal, I wondered if I should pour milk into them. Cereal is NEVER complete without milk! It just doesn't work without it! I wondered though. Would they still eat it? And even if they did, would they drink the milk? I'm not exactly sure how a pony's digestive system works, but I didn't want to accidentally poison them. I'd never hear the end of it. But haven't they had milk in the show before...?

"How long's that meal gunna take? We're starvin' out here!" Apple Bloom yelled. Eh, fuck it. I won't put any milk in. I proceeded to take the three bowls to the tables (I also grabbed three spoons in the process, even though I'm not sure they can use them) and set the first two bowls and spoons on the opposite ends of the table. The third set was put on the middle-ish region of the table.

"Dinner's served," I called out. No sooner had I said that the Crusaders all rushed in, plopped themselves on the chairs in front of the bowls, and began eating away. Oh good. It seems the Cheerios bode well with them. I wonder if they can tell the difference between them and normal oats? ...oh look at them, just eating away. Their adorable little way of nibbling on the little processed oats. The sight was pretty cute, but not enough to melt my icy heart. No sir. They may be cute, but-

"Wyatt, can I have a glass of water with this?" Sweetie Belle asked me,  sitting in a position similar to a begging dog, her voice so curious, and her giant eyes looking straight into mine.

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG.

"Okay," I responded, slightly trembling.  I never thought an overload of cuteness existed. I just got proved wrong. I proceeded to the fridge as I grabbed a glass, pulled out the water jug, and poured Sweetie some water.

"Thank you." Sweetie responded in an adorable tone as I handed her the glass.

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG. Again. How do they do it? How are they just SO ADOWABLE!? I JUST WANNA SCOOP 'EM UP AND-whoa...what just happened...? Confound these ponies! Their cuteness is turning me into an adoring little pansy! Ugh...I should just stop thinking about it. As long as they're having dinner, I figure I should too.

I went to my freezer and grabbed some frozen hot wings (a wholesome healthy dinner for them, and an additive and artificial preserver filled meal for me). I set the wings on a tray to be cooked on the toaster oven, and the Crusaders eyed me curiously as I did it.

"What?" I asked as I put the wings in to cook.

I didn't even do so much as glance behind me, and I knew they were staring at me (I'm psychic. Maybe. That, or I can just feel when someone's looking at me). The Crusaders slightly jumped as they heard me speak (Believe me, I heard them jump) and went back to finishing their food. An unspecified amount of time later, my meal was finished, and I sat down on the couch to eat. That's when I noticed them, standing in the opening to the kitchen, eyeing me curiously again.

"No seriously, what is it?" I asked, wing in hand.

"What is that you're eating?" Scootaloo asked, apprehension (apprehension?) in her voice.

"Hot wings."

"Hot...wings?"

"Uh, yeah. Hot wings." Scootaloo gulped, Sweetie Belle took a few steps back, and Apple Bloom froze, a scared expression on her face.

"You mean...t-those are actually wings?" Scootaloo asked, eyes glued to the food in my hand with a fresh bite in it.

"Mm-hm." I said nonchalantly, unaware of their rising fear and taking another bite.

"They aren't little p-pegasus wings, are they?" Scoots was trembling a bit now.

"Oh no, they're not pegasus wings." I said with a small laugh.

The three breathed a sigh of relief. "Then what're they made of? Bits a' celery with hot sauce on 'em?" Apple Bloom inquired, somewhat giggling at the thought of being able to make wings out of celery.

"No, not celery" I replied. "They're made of wings from chickens and covered in hot sauce."

--

Back at the library, all ponies but Lyra were startled by this discovery. Wyatt was eating chickens!? It was good that Fluttershy wasn't here, or else she'd have a heart attack!

"Heh, yeah. I probably ought to have mentioned that humans eat meat..." Lyra said, hoof scratching the back of her head.

--

Dammit, dammit, dammit. I shouldn't have told them what the wings were made of. I completely forgot that in pony society, eating meat wasn't normal. At all. I was rudely reminded of that fact as soon as I informed them of the horrible main ingredient that makes up a hot wing (what with all three of them screaming, running to the bathroom, and locking themselves in it as they yelled something about me being a monster). Why? Why did my brain think it would be a good idea to eat HOT WINGS in front of them? Of course they'd think I was a monster if I was eating chickens! (The weirdest part is, Scootaloo seemed the most freaked out of the three).

Ugh, it's been about a half hour, and they're still hiding in there! What am I gonna do? How will I get them to come back out? I got up and and walked from the couch to the bathroom door. I gave a few knocks on the door.

"Come on! I'm not going to eat you!" I said, merely just to test how they would answer.

"Then why'd you eat a chicken!?" I heard Scootaloo shout.

"Because people like me normally eat chicken! It's part of our diet!"

"You mean you're not the ONLY one who eats chickens!?" (Probably wasn't the best thing to say...) "What's next, you're gonna say you eat cows?"

"Uh...well..."

Before I could finish that statement, three screams came from the bathroom. The ponies were now probably even MORE horrified of me then before.

"He eats cows too!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

"Hey, it doesn't mean I like to eat ponies!"

"Yeah, but what if yer lyin’?!"

Apple Bloom definitely had me there. Damn, I underestimated these ponies' smarts (especially the farmer, of all things). Defeated, I only walked back to my couch and sat down. I needed to formulate some plan to get them to come out (I don't think their sisters/idol would exactly appreciate that I've almost traumatized them).

What, really, could I do though? It's not like I can just say 'Oh hey I don't actually eat meat!', because that has been proven absolutely wrong. ...hey wait...that doesn't mean I don't eat other food groups too! Maybe I could show them that I don't only eat meat. With this thought in mind, I proceeded to the fridge and grabbed an apple (Hey, if this didn't work, at least it might make relations with Apple Bloom a bit better). I knocked on the bathroom door again.

"Whaddaya want now?" Apple Bloom answered.

"Just to show you girls that I eat other things too."

"Like what? Pigs?" Scootaloo shouted.

Knowing that if I answered anything other than no would get me in an even worse situation (Despite the fact that I wanted to praise these girls' good guessing skills), I decided to go with the latter answer.

"Nope," I responded, taking a bite of the apple. It only took me a few seconds after taking a bite to remember one crucial fact: I don't really like apples. But it was too late now. If I stopped after one bite with this disgusted look on my face, the girls wouldn't trust me, and my mother would get angry at me for being wasteful (she'd know if I wasted food, as odd as that sounds).

I heard a bit of moving around in there and put my ear to the door, ready to pick up anything they said. From what I heard of their conversation, I assumed that the moving around was them forming into some kind of huddle.

"Girls, Ah'm pretty sure he's eatin' an apple. Ah'd know that crunch from anywhere." I heard Apple Bloom whisper.

"But what if he's just eating a piece of meat that sounds like an apple?" Sweetie asked.

"Yeah! Do we even know what ponies being eaten sounds like?" Scootaloo skeptically stated.

I heard a small movement.

"Wyatt, what exactly are ya eatin'?"

"Why don't you open the door and find out?" I said with another bite of the apple, a small grimace on my face.

Movement.

"I don't trust him!" I heard Scootaloo say.

"What other choice do we have?" Sweetie Belle said, being rational.

"...waiting in the bathroom 'till he goes to sleep?" I assumed the pegasus said with a sheepish grin.

"Here's the plan: We open that door and he's eatin' an apple, we come out, but still watch 'im to make sure he doesn't try anythin' funny. He's eatin' meat, we close an' lock the door an' wait 'im out." (If Apple Bloom isn't the leader, I don't know who is). And with that, they enacted their little plan. I heard the lock slowly turn, then the door knob, and finally, the door opening. I sat criss-cross in front of the door as I continued to reluctantly eat the apple. When the door finally opened all the way, I looked at the three Crusaders with a bored expression on my face, trying to hide the grimace from eating the apple.

"Hi there," I greeted sarcastically. All three breathed sighs of relief and walked out of the bathroom. I got up from the floor and onto my feet.

"See? Ah knew it was an apple!" Apple Bloom claimed to Scootaloo in triumph. I went into the kitchen and threw away the rest of the apple (I finished most of it, mother!), then continued on into the living room and back onto the computer. I assumed the girls went back into the basement, so I just went back to my business of reading fics. I continued to read, when I heard a small noise behind me. They were still up here? I turned around and saw nothing.

"Hrrmm..." I skeptically sounded out. I turned back around and continued- another sound. Was that the lamp they were tapping or something? I decided to look back after the sound rang out a third time. Again, nothing. "Am I the only one up here...?" I said with a mocking tone, sure that if the Crusaders were up here, it'd maybe draw them out. ...nothing. I turned around and- noise. I reacted as fast as possible.

"Ha!" I yelled as I turned back to the empty room. Where were they?  I could hear small giggles coming the side table near the couch. The one with the lamp on it. Maybe they were tapping it. Ready to make them stop their tomfoolery, I got up from the computer chair and slowly approached the table. I tried as much as I could to be silent, but the floorboards were WAY too creaky. I moved towards the table, getting closer until I was right next to it. I readied for a moment, then quickly jumped past the table, ready to grab the Crusaders.

"Gotcha!" I almost yelled at the empty space. "Where the...?"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SURPRISE ATTACK!" I heard from behind me. I only had enough time to glance behind me before I felt the weight of three fillies jump on my back and bring me to the ground.

"Dammit," I said into the ground, so that it'd be muffled.

"We got you!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

"Mm-hm," I answered back, slightly frustrated. "Now, if you'd please get off of me."

"Not until you admit defeat!" Scootaloo shouted.

I gave them a glare. "You aren't serious?" They nodded. I gave a large sigh. "You beat me. I lose. You win." The three looked at each other.

"Works for me," Apple Bloom said.

"Yeah. That's all great and stuff. Now get off," I said with a threatening look. The girls complied and stepped off my back. "Alright, you three had your fun," I said as I got up. "Now if you'd go back into the basement I'd appreciate it."

They gave me disappointed looks. "But it's SO boring down there!" Sweetie Belle complained.

"Yeah! Couldn't we just stay up here?" Scootaloo added.

I squinted my eyes and rubbed my chin. "I don't know."

"Pleeeeeasssse?" The three of them asked in unison, giving me puppy dog eyes.

I sighed. "...fine." Before they could 'YAY!' together, I said something else. "But it's going to be as equally boring up here."

"YAY!" They yelled anyways.

Not wanting to waste electricity, I went downstairs to turn everything off. As soon as I got to the bottom of the stairs, I almost had a heart attack. "Toys...everywhere..." I muttered, horrified. Well, I guess the three weren't exactly that great at cleaning up their own messes. Done giving a fuck, I proceeded to clean everything up, the process taking about a half hour.

--

The three little fillies just stared at the bright screen, curious as to what secrets it hid. It was...pretty...especially that little thing in the lower left corner. With its four colors shining brightly, it was enough to put anypony into a deep trance. But there was still that question that lingered in your head as you stared at it: What is it? All of ponykind may never know...

--

As I returned upstairs and entered the living room again, I saw the Crusaders all sitting next to the computer, staring at it. Had they been staring at the computer screen the whole time I was down there? Probably not good for their eyes. ...wait...they weren't READING were they!? I had left a tab open on a fanfiction site, forgetting to go back to my music tab (I usually do that when leaving the computer to do something, for added privacy). I rushed right back to the computer and switched to the music tab.

"You weren't reading that were you!?"

"...huh? No, we were just wonderin' what that little thingie right there was," Apple Bloom answered as she pointed to the Windows logo. PHEW! Possible paradox averted! I knew that since the Crusaders were up here, I wouldn't be able to read my fanfiction without possibly causing the Universe to implode.

"Welp, since you three are up here and will no doubt be bored out of your skulls, you wanna watch some YouTube videos?"

"What's a YouTube?" Scootaloo asked.

"And a video?" Apple Bloom also asked.

Uggggghhhhh. I knew this explanation would have to come eventually.

"YouTube is this thing called a web site, which is part of this thing called the Internet. The Internet is where people can communicate with each other wherever, as long as they're connected to a network. People can do pretty much whatever and let others see it." I finished my bad explanation of the Internet to the girls, and hoped their curiosity would be satiated with that.

"Oooo..." They all sounded out together (kids are satisfied with ANY explanation!).

Not forgetting Apple Bloom's question, I continued. "A video is like a little scene recorded on a camera. It's stored in the camera's memory, and it can be uploaded to certain web sites like YouTube, where others can see what was recorded." (Another bad explanation). Well, they didn't seem as amazed at that one, but I think they were satisfied.

"So do you guys wanna watch videos?" They nodded excitedly. I closed my fanfiction tab, and went to my music one. Since I always listened to stuff on YouTube, I didn't have to type in any address. We started with a video called “Teh Cat”. All throughout, I heard them laughing. Like, a lot. I didn't find it THAT funny, so I'm not sure what they saw in it.

"Another one!" Sweetie Belle said between bouts of trying to breathe. So I guess they liked cat videos, because that's what we watched pretty much the whole time. They found each and every one funny, and they wouldn't stop laughing, even at ones that were just of cats being...cats. I'd have to remember to erase all of this stuff from my history, because this wasn't something I usually did (and I hated having unusual things in my history!). Oh well, it was nice that they were entertained.

As we finished another cat video, something of a MUCH darker tone appeared in the related videos.

"What's...Slender Man?" Apple Bloom asked as she pointed to a video titled “The Slender Man Documentary” (Seriously, what is that even doing here?).

This was an explanation that, despite how bad it would probably be, I would actually enjoy. "Well...I don't know if you want me to tell you about him...” I challenged them, trying to sound disinterested.

"I wanna know what Slender Man is, too!" Sweetie Belle piped up.

"And me!" Scootaloo joined.

"Hmmm... Are you sure you wanna hear about Slender Man? It's pretty scary." I warned them with a smirk.

"I'm not scared!" Scootaloo said as she stood up, striking a brave pose.

"Ah'm not either!" Apple Bloom said as she repeated Scootaloo's actions.

Sweetie Belle looked unsure, but both her friends and I were looking at her. I wasn't really expecting her to get up and put on a brave face, but I could tell the other two were. Hesitantly, she got up. "Me neither!" Sweetie said, somewhat failing to sound brave.

I gave them an evil grin. "Well, alright. But don't blame me if you get scared." They all stayed put, in the same poses. "The Slender Man is a creature. An odd creature that, well, imagine me." They nodded. "Now pretend I have no hair on my head, I'm wearing a black business suit with a red tie, and my arms and legs are really long. But the creepiest part?" They were held in suspense, like clay in my hands. "He has no face. Eyes? Nope. Ears? No. Nose? You wish. He has a blank. White. Face."

Sweetie was slightly trembling, and the other two probably weren't far behind her. The faces on all three of them showed fear, and they were priceless. "And that's not all. He can grow tentacles out of his back. He can split his limbs apart to create more of them. If you see him, he's going to hunt you. And there's no use running, either. He can teleport. He knows where you are at all times. What does he do to his captured victims, you might wonder? Nobody knows. They just seem to disappear..."

All three were shivering now. This was actually pretty fun.

"But worst of all?"

"W-w-what?" They asked fearfully together.

"Not only does he like hunting people, or ponies in your case, but his favorite ponies to hunt?" They all stared at me in fear. "Children. Kids. Ponies your age. They are his favorite. Maybe he's hunting you and you don't know it." All three gulped. I looked up from the three and out a window, and saw a porch light on in the distance, which could look like Slendy's head. There was also a red decoration below it that looked like it could be his tie. This would be the icing on the cake.

"Hey," I said as I got up from the chair and walked towards the window. "I think I can see Slender Man out here right now." I pointed out towards the porch light. The Crusaders looked out the window, and instead of seeing a porch light and red decoration, they saw Slender Man.

"SLENDER MAN!" Sweetie Belle shouted. All three of them screamed and hid under the computer desk.

I laughed. "Man, I wasn't even sure if that would work!" I said to myself. I walked over to the computer desk and peered under it. The girls were all shivering and covering their eyes. Scootaloo removed a hoof from one of her eyes to see me giving her a devilish smirk. "Consider that payback for pouncing me earlier." I said as I reached under to scoop them out. They all uncovered their eyes and looked at me. Then, something I didn't expect happened. They started laughing.

"That was a good one!" Apple Bloom remarked. I pulled them out from under the desk, and they got back on their hooves. I'm not sure what it was, but being around these three actually made me feel happier (or at least in a more positive state of mind), so I also felt more playful. Weird huh?

--

Twilight felt a shiver go down her spine. Despite the fact that the 'Slender Man' sounded absolutely ridiculous, it also sounded frightening. Good thing she wasn't a filly anymore! It probably scared the Crusaders much more than it did her, that's for sure! "So Twilight, did that effect the score at all?" Lyra asked sarcastically.

The librarian gasped. She had been so caught up in observing that she completely forgot about scoring! "Oh no oh no oh no!" she repeated to herself as she looked at her almost blank chart. She'd have to fill this out STAT!

"What's wrong dear?" Rarity asked Twilight.

"I've been too caught up in watching this whole thing! I haven't been scoring him at all!"

Everypony but Twilight gave each other expressions of no concern. But they remembered what happened when they didn't take her problems into consideration, and they didn't want her to go insane again.

"Alright look sugarcube," Applejack started. "We'll pay more attention to this while you catch up on your gradin'. We'll be sure to tell you if anything worth notin' happens." Twilight breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank you girls. What would I do without you?"

--

As the hours passed, I continued to show the Crusaders the glory of the Internet. However, after so much of it, it’s not surprising they would get tired. "...and this is one of the greatest websites of all: Wikipedia. It's like an online encyclopedia, except anyone can make edits to it," I said as I trashed a page about how water is created.

Scootaloo yawned. "Hm...? Oh, cool..."

I turned around and saw the Crusaders trying to fight off sleep, and failing adorably. Their eyes wouldn't stay open, and the way they'd always try and not lay on the ground and pass out; FUCKING. ADORABLE. What time was it anyways? I looked at my watch. "10:00? You're all tired only at 10:00 at night?" Well, I guess I should take into consideration how young they were. And how much energy they used up.

"Mm-hm..." Sweetie Belle sleepily answered.

Looks like it was time for them to go to bed. I got up, scooped the three into my arms, and carried them upstairs. They didn't even resist. In fact, I think they just got even more sleepy once I had them in my grip. I walked up the stairs, into the hallway, and through the door at the end. This was my mother's room, and her king sized bed would certainly fit these three cuddly ponies. Using one arm to wrap the Crusaders, and the other to pull back the bed sheets, I set them on the bed one by one, and then tucked them individually. As an added bonus, I also decided to stroke their manes, just to see how it felt. Soft. Very soft. As I stroked Sweetie Belle's mane, she did something I didn't expect. She grabbed onto my arm and hugged it.

"Hmm..." She muttered in her sleep, smiling. This was too much adorableness. I'm definitely going to be diagnosed with diabetes tomorrow. I gently took her hooves off of my arm walked to the door.

"Good night." I called to the three as I shut the door. They only mumbled sleepily in response, which by the way, nearly blew up my heart from cuteness. I closed the door, then looked at the door to my room. Why was it shut again? ...oh right! That little bastard Smokey was in there! I opened my door, and he walked out, rubbing against my legs. "Oh no. I know your game. Only nice when you get what you want. You spoiled brat!" I said to him.

I descended the stairs, turned off the computer and the lights, and then returned to my room. If I'm gonna get up at five in the morning (like I do every morning), I'd better get more sleep. And hey, maybe tomorrow morning I'll find out if this whole day actually happened, or if it was just some kind of crazy dream. I was too lazy to put on pajamas and just crawled into my bed. I took off my watch, glasses, and grey fedora and put them on my nightstand. I'm not sure what time it was when I finally fell asleep.

Part 3: The Part where people accuse me of wish-fulfillment

"MEEP! MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!"

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. The thing sure was reliable for waking a person up. It was also good for annoying the Hell out of you once you actually woke up. I motioned over and hit the reset alarm button. I got up from my bed and looked at the clock. 5:05 A.M., just like I wanted. I grabbed my accessories off of the nightstand and put them on. It's computer time! Those fanfics won't read themselves!

I walked out my bedroom door, then stopped. Why did I hear shifting around in my mother's room? The family wouldn't be back until tonight! I turned around, opened my mother's bedroom door, and was greeted by the sound of light snoring. I peered in and saw...ponies? That's when the memories from yesterday hit me. The whole babysitting deal set up by ponies from Friendship is Magic. So...none of that was a dream? This was REALLY happening? Holy shit, this is insane. As I looked in more, I saw the Crusaders better, all looking adorable as ever as they slept.

"I shouldn't bother them..." I thought out loud and shut the door slowly.

I moved down the stairs, went into the kitchen, made myself breakfast, and then proceeded to the computer. As I brought up some fics and began to read, my mind started drifting to the events of yesterday. Thinking about it, my exaggerated rage in my mind was misplaced. I thought this would be the most horrible task in the world, and I was wrong. This whole thing wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Sure, I disliked children, but maybe I just took a liking to the Crusaders because they were ponies... I dunno. They sure acted like children, but I just couldn't find it in me to dislike them, like I normally did with kids.

--

Twilight had been up all night, trying her best to remember everything that had happened to the Crusaders with the human watching them as she desperately tried to grade him. Everypony else had fallen asleep eventually, but that was okay. Nothing really happens worth noting when the human goes to sleep right? That just gave Twilight the opportunity she needed to continue her grading spree. As she finished her work, she looked at the chart. If she was correct (because there may be some inaccuracies due to missing details), this human was barely passing the test. He had a 30/50, and anything lower would be a failure.

He still has a chance, what with another day ahead, so he'd better shape up!

--

7:00 A.M. and they still aren't awake. Heh, kids and their energy reserves. They need to be completely full before they even do so much as open their eyes. Oh well, it gave me a lot of time to read fanfiction think about how much I actually like these ponies. They're the first children I end up liking in my life as a teenager, and they're not even human. This certainly was weird, not that I cared.

So, instead of reading like I had originally planned, I made breakfast ahead of time for the three, and made sure it stayed warm. They did eat eggs, right? And pancakes were alright with them too, weren't they? The only thing I knew that was completely out of the question was bacon.

So here I am, reconciling the events as I wait for them to wake- there's noise upstairs. It sounds like...moving around. Well, someone's up. Was it one, two, or all three? The door to the bedroom opened, and I heard hooves clopping on the floor as they moved towards the staircase. They made their way down the stairs, and I saw who my first visitor was: Apple Bloom. I heard no other hooves, so I assumed she was the only one awake (figures she'd be the first one. Farm girl).

"Morning," I greeted her.

"G'mornin'," she said as she rubbed an eye.

"You guys eat pancakes right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Pancakes are alright."

"Good. I didn't want the ones I made to go to waste."

"...ya made pancakes?"

"And eggs." She sniffed the air, and she could smell the food waiting for her in the other room. Her expression changed from one of sleepiness to that of a hungry pony.

"What're we waitin' for? Let's eat!" She said with a smile and a lick of her lips. We both proceeded into the kitchen, and I seated her at the table in front of her plate. It's a good thing I made those pancakes myself, instead of heating up the frozen ones, because whenever I ate those, I felt kinda sick. I can't imagine what they'd do to poor Apple Bloom.

We both heard movement upstairs, and we knew that someone (or 'pony' in their case) was awake. We waited for the new arrival to come into the kitchen, sure that they, too, would smell the food. It wasn't long until Sweetie Belle popped her head around the corner of the kitchen opening.

"Good morning everypony!" She greeted happily. I only cleared my throat in response.

"Mornin' Sweetie Belle," Apple Bloom responded.

"What's that delicious smell?" Sweetie asked.

"Eggs n' pancakes. And they're great too!" Apple Bloom answered, giving me a wink. I got up and seated Sweetie Belle, then sat back down. Now there was only Scootaloo left. We waited as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle munched away at their food. What we didn't expect, however, was a small scream.

"Scootaloo?" Sweetie asked, concerned.

I got up. "You two stay down here. I'll go see what's wrong." As instructed, the two ponies stayed where they were, but stopped eating. I walked out into the living room and up the stairs until I reached the top. I turned the corner and walked into my mother's room to find Scootaloo in bed, heavily breathing and sweating.

"You okay?" I asked her. She looked at me and re-gained her composure.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine."

"Sleep well?"

"...kinda."

"You can't fool me Scoots. You had a nightmare didn't you?"

Her eyes darted around nervously. She sighed. "Yes."

"Tell me what it was about," I said as I sat at the foot of the bed.

She gave another sigh. "Well, me, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were at the Ponyville park. We were just playing and stuff, but then everything went dark around us. All of a sudden, we heard Apple Bloom screaming, and we saw her being taken away by a black tentacle. Then, Sweetie Belle was taken away. I was the only one left, and then Slender Man appeared in front of me. He just kept staring at me, and I couldn't move. I was frozen, and he just kept staring, and..."

She was shivering a bunch. Dammit, I knew telling them about Slendy would cause one of them to have nightmares (although, I didn't think it'd get one of them this freaked out. Sheesh. And Scootaloo? I thought for sure it'd be Sweetie Belle). Before she could continue, I held a finger to her mouth.

"That's enough."

She looked up at me and, unexpectedly, clung to my side. Who knew under that tough-girl pony exterior was still a squishy little girl interior?

"It's alright Scoots. It was just a dream," I tried to sound as calming as possible. "Slendy isn't real,  Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are fine, and you're okay too."

She looked up at me with a smile, then hugged me a bit tighter. "Thanks Wyatt."

"Yep. Now come on downstairs. Your friends and your breakfast are waiting for you," I said as we got off the bed together.

"Breakfast? Great! I'm hungry!" She said, ready to bolt out the door.

"Besides, I didn't even tell you who really freaks me out. So your dream couldn't have been that bad."

"Who freaks you out?"

I gave her a straight face."Jeff the Killer..."

"Who-"

"Don't ask."

Scootaloo gave me a curious look, then continued on downstairs.

--

Rarity was the first to wake up. She looked around, and noticed everypony else still sleeping, whether they were on a piece of furniture, or if they had collapsed to the ground. Wait, Twilight was sleeping?

She looked over at Twilight's sleeping form, and noticed a piece of paper next to her. She picked it up telekinetically, and looked it over. This was the grading scale. The grading scale, and Twilight was asleep... TWILIGHT WAS ASLEEP!? That meant she couldn't do the grading. Celestia knows nopony else would have any idea in the slightest on how to grade a human's behavior statistically. Slowly, Rarity approached Twilight.

"Twilight...Twilight wake up," Rarity whispered. After no response came, she tried again. "Twilight dear, wake up! Twilight Sparkle get up!" Twilight was as motionless as a stone, save her breathing. She was not waking up any time soon.

Applejack was awoken by Rarity's desperate attempt to awaken Twilight.

"Rarity? What in tarnation are you doin'?" Applejack asked in a slightly irritated whisper.

"Trying to wake up Twilight! She's the only one who knows how to do this grading thing!" The over-dramatic pony replied.

"Well that's just great! What do we do now?" asked the now awoken Rainbow Dash, whom the other mares now noticed.

"Well, maybe we could try just going with our gut feelin's about this guy?" Applejack suggested with a sheepish grin. The three mares shared a hopeless look, then turned back to Twilight, who was snoring away...

--

I sat out in the living room as the girls finished their breakfast, absolutely bored. Sure, it's nice to be around ponies and what-not, but what could I do around them? I didn't really want to expose them to too much technology. It'd probably be bad for them (it's bad enough I shared the Internet with them!). With nothing else to do, I grabbed a notebook that was lying on the coffee table and began to write in it as if it were my journal.

June 27, 2012

I'm not sure how, but for some reason there are ponies from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic eating breakfast in my kitchen! I know I'm not in some kind of crazy demented state either, because I've actually had conversations with them and have physically felt them. They are here. They are real. They are adorable. I'm sure my own family won't even believe me. That's why it'd probably be best that I keep this whole encounter a secret. It's only between me and these ponies.

I finished writing and re-read what I had just written. I was going to have to follow what this thing said, and tell nobody of this ever happening. I closed the notebook, but as I lowered it to put it back on the coffee table, I noticed the Crusaders staring up at me. How'd they get over here without me noticing?

"We finished breakfast, Wyatt," Sweetie Belle informed me.

"Oh, alright. I'll just put those dishes in the sink and what-not," I said as I proceeded to get up.

"Can we go outside?" Apple Bloom asked me out of the blue. Could they go outside? I mean, there were plenty of houses around mine, all with people living in them. What if they saw the Crusaders? I can't risk having them-

The Crusaders looked at me with sad eyes. They probably had a feeling I'd say no, and prepared this WMC (Weapon of Mass Cuteness). They knew it'd work too, because I caved. "Fine," I answered. "But follow me. You're not going in the front yard."

"How come?" Scootaloo wondered aloud.

"Because things."

"Things?"

"Yep."

"What things?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"THINGS," I answered, raising my voice to make it clear that they don't need to know. I led them towards the bathroom and basement doors, and opened a third door that was in between them, which led to the garage. We walked through, and once they were all in the garage, I opened another door to the right that led to my backyard.

"You're all fine out back here. Just don't go into anyone else's yard." I said before they rushed out. It would be fine right? It was still only 7:34, and it's not like my dumb neighbors are awake by now. This whole thing reminded me of a crucial fact from yesterday: How did the ponies get here without being noticed? Sure, it was really dark and rainy when they got here, but I don't think that would even provide them enough cover to just walk around unnoticed. It was sunny this morning, so the moment I see someone I'm gonna have to bring the girls in.

I walked outside to my small patio, and moved over to my swinging love seat thingie (I'm not sure what it's called. It's just a swinging couch thing). I sat down and watched as the Crusaders ran around, doing their own thing. Thankfully, they weren't making too much noise, so I don't think I had to worry about them waking up any neighbors.

As I got comfortable in my seat, I had that large feeling of peace that I had yesterday. Everything was actually pretty quiet, and it felt like nothing would ever interrupt it. I wish I was at my aunt's house right now. I think the Crusaders would appreciate having a gigantic open field of a backyard to play in. My backyard wasn't really anything to brag about. It had a huge tree near the patio, and the actual yard was made up of grass that could use a bit of a trim. At the way back of the yard was a burn pile, a small yellow shed for lawn equipment, and a metal fence that separated my backyard from a neighbor's.

"Wyatt!" I came back to my senses. "Wyatt! Do you have a ball we could play with?" Sweetie Belle asked me from afar. I looked around the backyard, then noticed a beach ball in the right corner of the yard. How did that get there? Did some friend accidentally leave it? Oh well, it's ours now.

I pointed to the beach ball, surprised that they hadn't noticed it before. They looked to where I was pointing, and saw the ball. They proceeded to run over to it and began bouncing it on their adorable little heads. Heh. How cute. This moment didn't last long, however, because I heard someone coming outside next door.

"Oh shit!" I muttered as I ran over to the Crusaders, hoping that they wouldn't be seen. "Girls! Girls!" I tried exclaiming quietly as I got over to them.

"Huh? What is it Wyatt?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Girls, get behind the shed!" I whispered as I pointed to the shed, which was just a few feet away.

"How come?" Scootaloo asked. Damn children's curiosity. I didn't know what to say, because they probably thought any human would find it normal that there were talking ponies, so I decided to make something up on the fly.

"That guy over there," I started, pointing to my neighbor. "He doesn't like ponies. He'll-"

"There's another human over there?" Sweetie interrupted. She then proceeded to lift a hoof to wave. "Hi other hu-!" I put my hand over her mouth before she could finish. My neighbor looked our way, but saw nothing, and continued on with his business. I had dragged the Crusaders behind the shed before he could look up.

"We have to be quiet! That person over there doesn't like ponies very much!" I continued my lie.

"He doesn't like ponies?" Apple Bloom asked.

"No. He doesn't. The only thing he likes about them is how they taste," Alright, that may have been pushing it, but the Crusaders shut right up after that. "I'll go and see what he's doing. When it's ok to come out, I'll tell you," I informed the girls. They all nodded and stayed put.

I walked out from behind the shed, and noticed that my neighbor was beginning yard work (blech, I hate yard work). However, this meant that the Crusaders could sneak past while he was focusing on said work. He walked over to the side of his house and grabbed a weed whacker, then went to a random part of the yard. As he tried starting his weed whacker, his back was turned. I ran to the back of the shed.

"Now girls!" I urged them.

In a moment's time, the three all whizzed past me and ran as fast as they could. They made it halfway when the weed whacker started. I think this only fueled the girls fear even more, because it looked like they ran faster, and didn't stop until they made it to the garage. At that point, I myself was already halfway through the yard, although I was walking at a leisurely pace. Once I got into the garage, I noticed the Crusaders panting heavily near the garage door.

"That was close!" Apple Bloom exclaimed between breaths.

"I thought he was gonna get us when we heard that loud buzzing!" Scootaloo almost shouted.

I felt bad that I had to scare the three to get them in, but looking at it, there was probably no other way. "It's alright though. You're in now, and I'll make sure he doesn't get you," I assured them. "Now come on, let's go back inside," I said as I opened the door to the house. As they walked in, I looked at my watch. 8:23? Had we really been out there for that long? I entered the house, and went into the living room. The Crusaders were in there too, still catching their breath on the couch.

"Well, what do you wanna do now?" I asked them. All three of them gave me a blank look. I guess they finally ran out of ideas. At least we could relax.

--

The ponies in the library had tried everything, from dumping water on Twilight's head, to getting the loudest thing they could make noise next to her ear. Wow, she was a really heavy sleeper after staying up all night. To nopony's surprise, Lyra was awoken from all the commotion. After having the situation explained to her by the other ponies, Lyra joined in the hopeless fray of trying to awaken Twilight.

Applejack remembered what Spike had said before he left the library that morning: "She didn't sleep all night and you're trying to wake her up? Good luck with that!" He had chuckled to himself a bit before walking out the door. After several more attempts at random acts that everypony swore you couldn't sleep through, they gave up. At this point trying to wake Twilight up was nothing but a fruitless endeavor.

"What do we do now? When she wakes up and finds out she slept through most of this test thing, she'll freak!" Rainbow Dash yelled with concern.

"That, and we'll probably have to do this test all over!" moaned Lyra. It's not like she had a problem with watching humans, but she'd rather meet one than watch one. Rarity trotted over to the grading scale and picked it up telekinetically.

"Maybe if we examine this enough, we'll figure out how to grade!" Rarity said with pseudo-enthusiasm. She knew it was a dumb idea, but it was better than having everypony in a hopeless mood right?

Lyra, in an act of desperation, snatched the paper away. "I'll grade!" She said with no idea what she would have to do.

Everypony else eyed each other uneasily. Then Applejack spoke up.

"Well, you do know th' most about humans outta any a' us..." Hearing this, Lyra beamed, a sudden sense of pride filling her being.

"Maybe I should have been grading all along! Who needs this dumb paper anyways?" Lyra said with pride as she crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it. Not sure what else to do, everypony went with this new plan of action. The only thing they feared was what Twilight might say as soon as she woke up...

--

We'd been sitting across from each other, them on the couch, me on the love seat, and the coffee table between us. Things were quiet again, but it was that awkward quiet that you get when having a conversation with someone you didn't really know. I looked at my watch again. 9:14. Wow, we've been sitting here in this awkward silence for almost an hour.

I thought about just getting back on the computer. I'm sure the Crusaders would just come over, and we could maybe watch more cat videos. Before I could get up, however, Apple Bloom spoke.

"Is it weird that Ah've been thinkin' about how we haven't got our cutie marks for comin' here?" She said with a sigh.

"Nah, I've been kinda thinking the same thing," Scootaloo answered her glumly.

"I'm not sure if you can even get a cutie mark for dimension traveling. I mean, there hasn't really been anything like it has there?" Sweetie Belle added. I wanted to say something about their cutie marks, but remembered that if I didn't play dumb, they'd start asking questions, and then we might have a paradox.

"Well, when we came here, Ah was just hopin' we'd at least have a chance at gettin' one..." Apple Bloom pouted as she hung her head low. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing these three sad actually effected me, which, by the way, was something almost unheard of. I was never effected by anything emotionally! It's supposed to be impossible! ...anyways, I went with the stupid act and asked them a question.

"What's a cutie mark?" They all looked at me with expressions of mild surprise.

"You've never heard of a cutie mark?" Sweetie asked, sounding astonished.

"Nope." Their expressions of surprise changed to those of shock.

"How could you have never even heard of a cutie mark? Don't you have some ponies around here with them?" Scootaloo skeptically asked.

"Well, yeah, there are ponies in this world, but they don't have cutie marks." They all gasped.

"They don't have any cutie marks!?" Sweetie asked, sounding even more astonished.

"None."

"So we definitely won't get 'em while we're here!" Apple Bloom stated dramatically.

Well, that wasn't exactly the way I wanted this conversation to turn.

"Let's face it girls, we'll all be blank flanks forever," Scootaloo gloomily stated. Now they were all drooping their heads down. FFFFFFFFF-HNNNNNNNNGGGGG-Ow. This little display both pained me with sadness and cuteness. What was it about sad looking things that made them look cute anyways?

"Y'know, you still haven't answered my question girls. What exactly is a cutie mark?" Sweetie Belle lifted her head to give me a sad look. HNNNNNNNNNNGGGG.

"Well, a cutie mark is this little mark that you get on your flank when you find out what your special talent is. Everypony in our class has one, except us, and we've been trying so hard to find our special talents. But we haven't gotten them yet, and we've tried everything." She hung her head down again, but she wasn't finished. "Diamond Tiara was right. We aren't special..."

"Oh that bitch!' I muttered under my breath. I hated Diamond Tiara. A lot. About as much as I hated Trixie. She was a bitch too. But now's not the time for that thinking. There are three depressed little ponies across from me. It's pep talk time!

"Look girls," I said as I got up from the love seat. "Just because you don't have a special mark on your butt doesn't mean you aren't special." I sat on the couch with them. They all looked up at me, listening. "You're already special. All three of you. It's not your talents that make you special, but your personality. There's no other pony in existence that will be just like you. You're all unique, in your own ways. A mark on your butt denoting your talent is, well, just a bonus to all of that."

"Really?" All three of them asked.

"Really," I answered as I booped Apple Bloom's nose (she was the closest one to me).

All three smiled warmly at me. They weren't sad anymore! I wasn't even sure if my pep talk would work, considering where the cutie mark conversation got us! Oh well, mission accomplished! Then, something I didn't expect happened. All three of them came over and hugged me (Although Scootaloo was kinda reluctant at first).

"Thanks Wyatt. Ah think we needed that," Apple Bloom said. There was a moment of silence, then I spoke up.

"So...who's Diamond Tiara?" I decided to ask, continuing the stupid act.

"Ah, she's nobody really. Just a dumb bully," Scootaloo answered me.

"She calls us 'blank flanks' all the time, and is just mean to everypony in our class," Sweetie Belle added.

"Except Silver Spoon. Those two are like peas 'n a pod!" Apple Bloom finished.

"Another bully, I presume?"

"Yep!" They all answered.

"Well girls, tell ya what. To deal with a bully, you just ignore them. They always look for a reaction. It's what they feed on."

"But I thought she ate oats?" Sweetie asked curiously.

"It's an expression." I answered with a couple pats to Sweetie's head.

--

"Awwwww..." Rarity and Lyra said in unison. That display was so cute! Applejack smiled at the sight, appreciative of how Wyatt lifted the fillies' spirits. Rainbow Dash just looked at the display with crossed hooves, not wanting to admit that she thought it was cute. Despite this, all the ponies unanimously agreed that this definitely increased Wyatt's score (on their non-existent grading scale).

"Well, I'd certainly trust him," Rarity stated.

"Ah've got t' agree with that. Ah think he's proven himself," Applejack agreed. The ponies looked to Rainbow Dash, waiting for her opinion. She looked back, and gave a simple answer.

"Yeah. He's cool."

Lyra couldn't be happier. Who cared about a technical score? Personal opinions were what really mattered! Hearing her friends speak well of the human was all Lyra needed before she was ready to just scoop the Crusaders and Wyatt back to Equestria. However, she couldn't proceed with this plan, because she, like the rest of the ponies, heard stirring behind her. Twilight woke up.

"Ugh...how long was I out...?" Twilight asked groggily. It took her a moment to wake up and realize that she had just missed a giant chunk of the test. Her eyes shot open at this realization. "Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohno!" she rambled. Again. "WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING!? WHO'S BEEN GRADING!? WHERE'S THE GRADING SCALE!? HOW MUCH MORE WILL I HAVE TO CATCH UP!?" Everypony but Lyra was silent.

"Uh...well..." Lyra started with a few nervous laughs. "I guess you could say I've been grading...but uh...I threw away the grading scale..."

"THEN HOW HAVE YOU BEEN GRADING!?"

"Er...uh...I haven't been using a scale... The girls and I just agreed that personal opinions would work fine..."

--

Lunch was no problem. All I had to do was go to the park and pick a few flowers, then come back and put them into a sandwich. Ponies could eat just about any flowers right? Well, I just hope that lilies don't somehow end up poisoning them. I just hope the girls will be fine on their own for about a half hour. Sure, I asked them if it was okay to leave them alone, but I just had this feeling they'd need someone to keep watching them. As I continued on home past my old elementary school, I pondered when and how the girls would get home. Would they go back through some kind of mysterious magic? In fact, how did the ponies get here anyways?

I passed an intersection and turned right, towards my house.

Obviously they wouldn't have trouble getting here, considering how little trouble they seemed to have coming and going. Would the adults just come and pick up the kids? Would they leave on their own? I thought of these questions as I went up my driveway, got to the front door, and opened it.

"But why do we hafta go?" I heard Apple Bloom ask aloud from the kitchen. They were leaving?

"But, we like Wyatt! Why can't he come with?" I heard Sweetie Belle ask. They were going to take me back with them?

"Sorry girls, but Twilight insisted that we bring you back. She said we need to restart the test," I think I heard Applejack tell them. Was there a hint of disappointment in her voice? I walked into the kitchen, where the commotion was going on. Sitting in there were the Crusaders, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack.

"What's going on in here?" I asked as I walked in. All ponies' eyes were on me. "I thought you wouldn't be back until later today."

"Yeah? Well, things change," Rainbow Dash flatly stated.

"Things change?" I asked with criticism in my voice.

"Yep." I gave them a skeptical stare. Yesterday, these ponies seemed completely comfortable to leave the Crusaders in my care. Now, they all had expressions like they wanted to take them away ASAP.

"C'mon girls. I don't wanna stay 'round here and cause more heartbreak then there already is," Applejack said as she motioned for the Crusaders to follow her. Glumly, the girls trailed behind the farmpony as all six walked through the front door. However, Rarity stopped at the door and turned to me.

"Thank you, sir," She said before leaving.

That was it? Just "thanks bai"? Y'know what? No! There's more to this than what seems, and I'm gonna find out what!

I closed the front door, and went out into the garage. I went into the backyard, and ran around the house to the front as fast as I could. Luckily, the ponies were still in sight. I decided that, as much of a ninja I wasn't, I'd try to follow them without alerting them to my presence. As they crossed the road, I slowly walked out from my yard. Before I could continue, something hit me: How is it that NOBODY is seeing this? They had the cover of rain yesterday, but today was bright and sunny. Is everyone fine with seeing six miniature horses just walk across the street!? This was an issue I could NOT ignore, no matter how hard I tried not to think about it. I had to come up with a solution.

...maybe the people in my neighborhood are just ignorant and oblivious? Yeah, sure, whatever. It's better if I don't think about it. I looked around and realized, the ponies were gone! Dammit, I was so caught up in my thoughts that I lost track of them! I ran for it, and crossed the street. Once I was on the other side, I looked around for the ponies, and saw a light shade of blue with rainbow ahead of me. I figured that was Rainbow Dash, so I walked forward a bit, and then saw all of them heading downhill from a neighbor's backyard. Well, maybe it wasn't a hill as much as it was a little steep ground.

As they continued forward, I realized what their destination was: the track next to the elementary school. Why were they going there? The track was nothing more than an oval made of rocks with a miniature football field in between. I looked around the football field more, and couldn't believe my eyes. In the middle of the field there was what looked like a portal. So THAT'S how they got here! I was once again lost in my thoughts, and didn't notice that all of the ponies had begun to walk into said portal.

Not caring anymore if my sneaking skills were up to par with Solid Snake, I ran all the way towards the middle of the field just as Rarity, the last pony in the line, walked into the portal. At this point I think my instincts just took over, because against my better judgement, I hopped into the portal just as it was closing...

--

It just wasn't fair to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They had so much fun staying with Wyatt, and then they were ripped away from him early. TOO early. This complaint continued to float around in their heads as they walked through the white void of the portal. It was oddly silent, as nopony spoke, or even made a sound.

The walk back to the other portal felt like some kind of death march. Soon enough, they reached the end portal, the Crusaders letting out small groans. There goes their last hopes of ever possibly seeing Wyatt again. Sure, it was a long shot of a chance, but hey, miracles happened right? As the ponies approached the end portal, they minded where the gap was from last time, so as to not fall flat on their faces again. Before they knew it, they were back in Equestria. Back in the library.

"I'm sorry Twilight..." Lyra muttered.

"Yes Lyra. I know you are. That's the eighteenth time you've apologized," the purple mare retorted, irritated. The sound of something coming through the portal was heard (however you want to imagine that), and she looked up and noticed the other ponies' arrival. "Oh girls! You're back!"

"Uh-huh..." The Crusaders answered gloomily.

Twilight looked to the mares. "So the trip was alright?"

"Yep. Everything went okay." Rainbow Dash answered.

"Good!" Twilight answered back happily. She continued. "Now then, I'm going to set up the library so we can do this again tomorrow. You should all go home and rest up, because I'm going to be ready with a portal early in the morning!"

Lyra sighed. So she was banned from helping out with this re-do test. So what? That didn't mean she couldn't help with the portal! Not wanting to make Twilight any angrier than she had already been, however, Lyra stayed quiet.

Nopony in the library moved a muscle, and it was dead silent. Twilight opened the library's entrance, urging the fillies in the room to leave. "I'm going to need plenty of time to set-up again, so you'll get plenty of time to get ready!"

"Ah don't wanna go again," Apple Bloom fussed. The purple mare was flabbergasted at the filly's response.

"Me neither," Sweetie Belle pouted.

"Ditto," Scootaloo joined.

"But...but without you, we can't even do the test!" Twilight retorted, her frustration and anger rising.

"We don't wanna do another test," Apple Bloom said, hooves crossed. "There's nothin' wrong with Wyatt."

Applejack stepped in. "Apple Bloom, quit bein' difficult. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, that goes fer you too. Ya'll had agreed to do this the moment Twilight asked ya."

"And we did it! There's no need for a re-do!" Scootaloo shouted. Before anypony else could keep up the argument, there was a sudden *THUD!* in the room. Everypony all looked behind them, where the source of the noise was, and were shocked. Before them was a human in a grey fedora, a blue/plaid button-up shirt, and jeans, lying face down on the ground. He looked up, and his expression was one of wonder.

"Ho-lee fuck," He said, amazed.

--

The trip through the portal felt really tingly, like when your foot falls asleep. Therefore, I instantly hated it. Having that feeling in your foot was bad enough, but having it shoot through your entire body? I repeat myself. INSTANT HATE.

I had kept walking forward, because I didn't really have any sense of direction. That, and I figured I'd eventually get somewhere if I did so. I continued walking, until I saw a bright light begin to materialize ahead of me. That must have been it! The portal to Equestria! I began running...and running...and- I fell down. Face first too. Ouch. Ignoring the pain and embarrassment, I looked up, and saw several ponies staring at me. Where was I? I inspected my surroundings. Books everywhere, walls and floor made of wood, and windows that showed...Ponyville? It was then that I realized one thing: I was in Twilight Sparkle's library.

"Ho-lee fuck," I said, amazed. It was nice that none of the ponies bitched to me about my language. I already got enough of that from my older brother. I pushed myself up, and got to my feet. "So, I'm in Equestria right now, aren't I?" I thought aloud.

"Wyatt! We thought we'd never see you again!" Sweetie shouted as her and the other two Crusaders rushed to my feet.

"I could say the same for you," I answered back as I knelt down to make eye-contact with them.

I looked at all the other ponies, and they had expressions of light shock mixed with a bit of happiness. All except for Twilight Sparkle. She looked...annoyed. "I hate to break up a reunion," Twilight started. "But you're not supposed to be here."

I shot her a dirty look. "How come?" I asked as I stood up.

"You haven't been approved!"

Now I was getting curious. "Approved? By who?"

"By me. You were being tested." She answered matter-of-factly.

I gave her a look of mild anger. "So, the whole time I was watching these three, I was being...tested? Heh, I don't believe it." I crossed my arms smugly, and convinced I was right. Much to my dismay, however, the Crusaders spoke up. Much to my dismay, however, the Crusaders spoke up.

"Uh...yeah...actually, you were," Apple Bloom said, her front hooves rubbing together nervously.

"We, uh...weren't supposed to tell you," Scootaloo added.

"You aren't mad, are you?" Sweetie asked me.

I looked at the Crusaders. I was being tested the whole entire time? That's...well...man, I don't even know how to describe that! I was kinda mad that the whole thing was just a stupid setup, but at the same time, I had this feeling like I didn't care. I think the latter feeling came from the fact that I myself actually enjoyed the experience. With a solid answer in mind, I spoke.

"Am I mad? ...no. I'm not. Despite the fact that I'm really irritated that SOMEONE," I motioned towards Twilight, "used me as a lab rat, I don't hold it against you three, because I enjoyed the experience. I have to admit, meeting talking ponies that aren't a hallucination is a pretty cool thing to happen to you. I can tell you three had a good time, too, considering how happy you are to see me. Plus, I think we both benefited from the whole thing. We both got some new friends." (Ugh, that last part's cheesy...).

I gave the three a pat on the head, and looked around at the other ponies. Their expressions had changed. They all smiled warmly at me. Even Twilight. "What was I thinking?" Twilight said. She walked over to the portal and, with a flash of her horn, closed it. Did she just trap me here? She continued. "How can I just compare a pony-"

"Person," I corrected.

"...person to a mathematical score? It's the friendship between them and others that matters! Friendship certainly is a powerful thing!" She gave a hearty laugh. "I guess even I learned something from this whole test!" The three fillies in the room looked at Twilight with wide eyes.

"Does that mean...?" Sweetie Belle asked, excitement in her voice.

"Yes girls." Twilight answered. "He's passed the test, in a manner of speaking."

Three "YAY!"(s) were heard from the library, loud enough to alert ponies nearby outside of the overjoyed fillies' presence. Once everyone present in the room recovered from the outburst, Twilight introduced herself.

"I guess if we're going to get to know each other, we should start by learning each other's names. I'm Twilight Sparkle," She finished, holding out a hoof to shake.

"Well, my name's Wyatt, but I assume you already knew that. Stalker," I teased as I shook her hoof with my hand.

She stepped aside, and introduced her other friends that I knew so well. "In case you don't remember them from yesterday, this is Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. I'd also like you to meet," she pointed to Lyra, "Lyra Heartstrings."

I held out my hand to shake Lyra's hoof. Lyra, with an expression of absolute joy, glanced at my hand, then me, and then fainted. "Huh. I wonder what that was about," I wondered aloud, continuing the stupid act.

--

I spent a long day in Ponyville. Longer than what I would've liked, but it wasn't too bad. At least I was nearing the end of being shown off to all of the ponies in Ponyville. Of course, I was introduced to Twilight's other best friends first (i.e. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie). Both of them reacted as you'd expect: Fluttershy was extremely shy (it didn't help that it was her first time seeing a human, let alone meeting one), and Pinkie Pie tried her hardest to make me smile (spoiler alert: she failed). Pinkie had also decided to plan a party that I am currently attending.

Of course the pink pony had thrown a party for the first human to ever exist in Equestria. She always needed some reason to party. Unfortunately for the ponies, I was definitely someone who disliked parties. So here I was, sitting in a chair, taking small sips of punch, having loud music pounded into my ears, and watching ponies dance. As I let my thoughts wander, several questions came to my mind. Would I be able to go back home? What were they testing me for? How did they know humans existed? It really bugged me. I continued pondering as the one who could answer all of my questions sat right next to me.

"Hey Twilight?" I asked in a raised voice, making sure she'd hear me over the music.

"Yes?" She answered back. Looks like she can hear me.

"I wanted to ask you a couple questions." I said, not even averting my eyes' focus on my punch.

"Fire away."

"First: How did you find out about humans?"

Twilight looked curiously at me, but began her explanation. "Well, one day, I had accidentally opened up a portal to your world. I went through it, and discovered humans. When I came back and told everypony, Lyra happened to know what humans were. Turns out she was obsessed with humans, and always dreamed of meeting one. She herself had learned about humans from this old book she had since she was a filly that was hidden away in her house. It currently sits in the library."

"Alright, alright. Question number two: Why were you testing me?"

"We tested you because we wanted to see how you behaved around ponies. You see, that book about humans I mentioned earlier? It didn't really seem like a good source of information. So I figured we could bring a human here to share each other's cultures! Doesn't that sound fun?" She looked at me excitedly. Seeing that I didn't exactly share in her enthusiasm, she cleared her throat and continued. "The point is, we couldn't trust just any human we brought in, you know?"

"Fully understandable. Last question: Will I be able to go home?" Twilight gave me a look that made me feel like an idiot.

"Of course you can go back home! After all, I'd expect you to bring some relics from your world to show off!"

"But how will I be able to freely traverse between worlds without causing you strain?" I knew it probably took a lot of magic to make a portal. Twilight put her hoof to her chin and thought. Then, an idea came to her mind.

"Meet me at the library after the party. I think I have an idea."

--

Few ponies remained in Sugarcube Corner, the occupants being made up of just a few friends still chatting or a couple or two having a slow dance on the floor. The Crusaders, who had as much fun as everypony else at the party, were now relaxing at the refreshments table, enjoying the leftover snacks and resting from the general merrymaking.

"It's still a shame we couldn't get Wyatt to even play pin-the-tail-on-the-pony," Scootaloo remarked, taking a sip of her punch.

"Ah well, can't drag a pony ta water and make it drink, as they say," Apple Bloom replied, enjoying a cookie. While the three Crusaders continued snacking, the lone human finally looked up from his chair, having spent most of the party staring down at a cup full of punch.

"Welp, looks like the party's over," he told nopony in particular as he got up from the chair and popped the joints in his neck. "Time to go home." He walked to the entrance of the Corner and, after fiddling with the door and cursing under his breath at how confusing it was to open, he left.

The Crusaders stared a moment at the sight, before Sweetie Belle made a realization.

"He didn't say bye to us!"

The three fillies ran out of the Corner and after the human, leaving several confused ponies in their wake. One, however, gasped and made the same realization as them. "Me neither!" Lyra proclaimed, following suit with the fillies and leaving a frazzled Bon-Bon.

--

The giant portal in the library was scary looking, but I knew it wasn't really a threat. "Well, I guess I'll be back soon," I said as I approached the portal. Accompanying me to Earth was Twilight, and I guess Spike decided to see me off.

"Safe travels!" the dragon called out, acting like I was taking a voyage on a boat.

“You ready?” the lavender unicorn next to me asked.

“Yep. Let’s go.”

        Before I could walk through the portal with Twilight and begin my journey home, the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Lyra burst through the door. I wonder where they randomly came from? Oh well, I won’t ruin the moment by asking.

"WYATT!" The three fillies called.

"Don't leave without saying bye to us!" Scootaloo shouted. I hadn't seen the Crusaders or Lyra since the incident at the library this morning, so I could see their dilemma. The fillies ran up to me, smiling and looking up at me.

"Don't worry," I assured the three fillies. "This isn't goodbye forever. I won't be away for long." I said reassuringly.

"We'll miss ya while you're gone!" Apple Bloom said with certainty in her voice.

"Don't be gone too long!" Sweetie Belle requested, giving a quick hug to my leg.

"Come back soon!" Scootaloo said, smiling confidently.

Lyra came up to me, but instead of having some kind of goodbye ready, she just grabbed my hand. "Wow..." She cooed. "I just still can't believe this is happening! I, Lyra Heartstrings, have finally met a human today! I'm so happy, I could just-!" Before she could finish, she fainted again.

As some the Crusaders and Spike moved forward to tend to Lyra, I waved and gave my final goodbye. Twilight and I then walked through the portal.

--

Once Twilight and I reached my house, I led her upstairs to my room, where a miniature portal to Equestria would be easily hidden and easily accessible. Since this portal was small, it wouldn't be as hard to create. Said task was done in a moment's notice. All we had to do was create it in the place where hopefully nobody would look: behind some big boxes in my closet (genius!).

"You sure you can keep this portal powered all the way back in Equestria?" I asked her as she readied to go through the portal.

"Yep. It's just a small portal that I can power from any distance, so it shouldn't be hard." She replied. "Now then, as soon as you come back, I expect to have a whole lesson's worth of information on humans."

"I'll be sure to prepare in full." I gave her hoof one last shake, and she left through the portal. Then, I heard the front door open downstairs, along with several footsteps.

"WYATT! WE'RE...where's Wyatt?" I heard my sister yell.

And there's my family. Oh well, there goes the rest of my alone time. But hey, it wasn't that bad that I lost the rest of my time to miniature horses. I learned a lesson or two, and even got my own portal to go to Equestria whenever (I just hope it's hidden well enough...)! All in all, you wouldn't say it was that bad, right?

Part 1: Non-Horses begin to appear in this chapter

The six ponies continued walking forward, as Twilight said they should, through this odd white hallway they'd gotten into after walking into the portal. Well, maybe it wasn't a hallway, but rather a void of pure white. Either way, the walk was odd, and it had already been several minutes since they left Equestria.

"This is taking longer than I thought it would..." Rainbow Dash mumbled.

"That may be so, but we gotta be patient, and keep walkin'," Applejack told her.

And so they did. They walked...and walked...and walked...and-

"Is this gonna be much longer? Ah'm gettin' tired o' just walkin'," Apple Bloom complained.

"And I'm getting bored!" Scootaloo added.

"And my hooves are getting quite achy," Rarity whined (err, 'complained').

"How long did Twilight-" Was all Sweetie Belle could get out before being interrupted by Applejack.

"Quiet!" Applejack yelled. "If ya'll would just quit complainin'," the cowpony said as she got up front and faced the group, "then the trip would be much faster!"

Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide. "Look!" She said as she pointed a hoof past Applejack. Behind the orange pony was another portal; the end to the little journey.

Applejack glanced behind her. "Well lookit that! See? Patience pays off!" she said proudly. She turned around and lead the group towards the end portal.

The six ponies kept walking, except this time, they saw a difference in the void. The more they moved, the more the portal came closer. Eventually, it was so close, that the ponies just fell through it (Hey, they didn't know where exactly they had to stop moving and jump through. It looked like they could just walk through it!).

They each landed on the ground in the other dimension with an "Ouch!" or an "Oof!" or something along those lines.

"Everypony alright?" Applejack asked as she dusted herself off.

The Crusaders were the first to get up.

"We're okay," Sweetie Belle stated, speaking for the three Crusaders.

"I'm good," Rainbow Dash said as she got up off the ground.

Rarity, however, got up with a small jump back and a shriek. "Eugh! I almost got in that mud!" She yelled.

Typical Rarity. At least she was fine. Wait, mud?

It was then that the ponies took notice of how hard it was raining. That, and how dark it was. A  flash of lightning lit the sky as a low boom of thunder rolled through.

"What crazy pegasus do you think made this storm?" Rainbow Dash yelled out.

They had to get out of this rain, and fast. The small neighborhood they had entered was full of houses they could choose from (both to get out of this rain and initiate the test), but they couldn't be picky. That's why they decided to just choose the one in front of them. A big, two story house, painted a dark green.

"Come on ya'll!" Applejack shouted as she led the group to the front door of the house. She gave three knocks, and waited for an answer...

--

Sweet, sweet, solitude. I don't know how, but I lucked out. My family decided to finally go on that Wisconsin vacation, and my mother actually gave me the choice of going. I have to remind my mom how much I love her when she gets home with the rest of the family. My family was big, what with three brothers, a sister, and three cats, (plus a friend of my brother who practically lived here!) and that obviously left little time for my delicious silence and alone time (the cats are fine to be around, though).

But I finally have it. I'm alone in this house, and I will be for about two more days. I honestly don't know what I'd do if something just so happened to INTERRUPT this peace. My quiet time was extremely valuable to me, after all, and I wouldn't appreciate someone taking it from me.

I almost managed a real smile as mother's words from the day they left replayed in my mind. "We'll be gone for about six days, Wyatt. You sure you can handle being on your own?"

"Positive," I had replied back to her.

It's not like I don't like my family (no matter how much the opposite seemed true to everyone), but with a family as big as mine, stupid arguments were bound to break out. A lot. And I really do tire of hearing some kind of stupid 'Hey I'm first for the *insert anything that requires waiting here*!' and things similar to that. I was the second oldest of the children, so if my mother or older brother weren't around, I'd have to deal with the fight (and it never turned out well either!). Believe me, for someone who'd like nothing more than peace and quiet, it didn't come much around here.

So I bet you're wondering, what is a lazy 17 year old boy to do at his home, alone for six days, with a computer staring him down with a blinding gleam bright enough to melt out your eyes? Why, read fanfiction of course! (What, did you think I was watching porn all that time? Pfft, you're such a dumbass). To be exact, I was reading My Little Pony fanfiction. What can I say? I was a brony (Though maybe not as enthusiastic as other bronies. I never really was enthusiastic. Pessimism galore!). I've seen every episode, and I always loved 'em. I'm still excited for the next season, too! So to also show my love of PONE, I became an avid reader of fanfiction (that is, I became one after Ponibooru shut down).

"Oh Pinkie Pie, you're so oddly entertaining," I remarked as I read a sentence.

So here I was, sitting in my comfortable computer chair in my cozy little living room, in front of this computer desk and computer, alone. At least, I think the the living room is cozy. We've got a giant TV in it, but the loveseat and couch placed across from each other, the coffee table in between them, and the recliner chair all balanced it out.  It was also nice that there weren't doors to the kitchen/dining room, but rather big openings in the wall.

The kitchen was nice and cozy too. Then there was the bathroom, tiny as it was, that one could enter by walking through the left side of either living room or kitchen. Facing the bathroom was the staircase to the basement, one of the places I loved most. In the left side of the living room was a staircase to a second bathroom and three bedrooms (the one me and two brothers shared, my sister's, and my mother's). To top the cozy and peaceful air off, there was no noise (except for the music playing from the computer as I read).

This was my paradise, and I'd still have this for two more days (which by the way, included today. So technically, I had until tomorrow night). And with the luck I've had for the past week, nothing could go wrong!

...were those knocks at the door? Hold on.....yeah, they were. Who could be here? I already informed ALL (and I literally mean ALL) of my sister and little brother's friends that they weren't here.

I got up, and walked towards the door. "Who the Hell could be here in this rain?" I said as I headed towards the door. Although, I couldn't talk, because I was just as likely to run around in the rain. I loved rain.

I got to the door, opened it to the screen door behind it, and looked through. Sitting on my porch were...ponies? No wait, my glasses are foggy. I took them off, wiped them on my plaid/blue button up shirt, and put them back on.

...now they looked like the ponies from Friendship is Magic. Am I seeing things? I knew my eyes were bad, what with needing glasses and all, but I didn't know they were THIS bad! Man, I need to-

"Are ya just gonna stare at us, or are you gonna let us in?" the one who looked like Rainbow Dash asked.

"Now Rainbow Dash, don't be rude," the one that looked like Rarity snapped. "I think if this fine gentleman," (at least she knew I was a guy. My long-ish hair got me mistaken for a girl a couple times) "needs persuasion, charm should work just fine."

She looked to me, pushed her hair back, and gave me what I would call a seductive look.

"Oh sir, if you would kindly let us in, it would be greatly appreciated. We're just oh so cold and wet from this dreadful rain, and we'd like to get dry and warm." She batted her eyelashes at me as she finished the last sentence.

Nope. Nope. Nope, this wasn't happening. I pinched myself. Nope, awake. Maybe it wasn't that I was dreaming, but the opposite. Maybe I was hallucinating from lack of sleep! I never did get enough of the stuff. I should go to bed earlier. Despite all the things I was thinking, I threw out a question, just to make sure they really were here (And to make the possibility that this was actually happening valid).

"Are...are you actually there...? Am I seeing things right?"

Applejack seemed to take that as a chance to introduce themselves.

"Yes sir, you are seein' things right! We're from a land called Equestria. Mah name is Applejack. This is Rainbow Dash," She pointed to Dash as she introduced her, and did the same with the others, "This here's Rarity, mah little sister Apple Bloom, Rarity's sister Sweetie Belle, and their friend Scootaloo. Why would ya ask a question like that?"

She responded. ...she responded? I was actually having a conversation with a candy colored equine! From a TV show! Welp, I'm insane. But hey, until someone decides to bring me out of this weird mental state, I'll play along.  I decided to grab my brother's laptop and use it to pick a video out of this playlist I made on YouTube called 'Reaction Videos' (for when I have no words and the time just calls for some kind of wacky reaction...).

"'Scuse me a minute," I said as I walked away.

The ponies all looked in through what they could see in the screen door. I came back with the laptop, showed it to them, and played a video that summed up my reaction.

...The ponies just stared intently at the laptop. And they did it for an uncomfortable amount of time too. Did I just break their minds or something? Was there something about the video to them that made it so entrancing?

"Whoa..." I heard Scootaloo say.

"How did you do that?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked annoyed.

"How did you get that guy on a screen like that?" the orange pegasus filly asked, pointing at the laptop.

Then it hit me; these ponies weren't as advanced in technology as humans. Of course they were amazed at something as small as a YouTube video. Not being in an explanatory mood however, I only gave a small answer.

"It's this thing called the Internet. I'll explain later," I said as I put away the laptop.

I could see their curious looks become disappointed ones at the mention of the word 'later'. Sucks for them that I don't feel like explaining. Applejack decided to re-state her question from earlier.

"Why's it so weird that you're seein' us sir? Ya'll never seen a pony before?" I honestly didn't know how to react, so I just went with what popped into my mind.

"I've never seen your kind of pony before. I've never met one that talked to me either. To me, something like this shouldn't even be happening, so this experience has been quite shocking." They gave me odd looks.

"You've never met a pony that talks?" Rarity asked me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. This was getting on my nerves. I had to avoid explanation after explanation!

"No, okay? I haven't met a pony that talks."

"You sound irritated," Rainbow Dash decided to state.

"I am irritated, because it'd be hard explaining how things work around here to you damn ponies! There are SEVERAL reasons as to why you shouldn't even be here!" I yelled out, losing my cool. All six of them eyed me curiously, and I could tell they were oblivious to the SEVERAL reasons as to why they shouldn't be here.

"Um...why shouldn't we be here?" Sweetie Belle asked, cute and curious as ever.

I shouldn't have yelled that out. If I told them that they were from a TV show (and considering their reaction to my brother's laptop, they probably wouldn't even know what a TV was) the world just might implode or something. That, or they'd ask even MORE questions. Either way, I wouldn't win.

"Forget I said that," I told Sweetie. I opened the door to my house. "Just get in here."

They all walked in, each younger sister by their respective older one (Or in Scootaloo's case, #1 fan next to idol). Once they were all in, I sat myself down in the recliner, and gestured for them to sit on the couch. They all looked around curiously, seeing the odd pieces of furniture in my house. They saw the giant screened TV, the computer, and everything in between. They looked slightly amazed, the children more than the adults, at this odd technology that I had.

"So my first question, upon my mountains worth of them, is what you're doing here exactly," I said with a touch of curiosity and absolute bewilderment. The mares looked unsure as to what they should say. It seemed like they weren't comfortable with telling me why they came here, and I wondered why. Applejack was the first to speak up.

"Well, Ah know this is rude and completely outta the blue, but uh...could you watch these three fillies fer us?" She gave me an awkward grin, and she had good reason for it.

I stared her down. Oh, and I mean that by giving her one of the most anger filled yet blank minded stares that could exist in reality. Why!? I had a bad feeling in my gut when I saw the Crusaders here, and I figured something like this might happen! I really didn't like kids, and if these three were just as bad as they were in the show, I'd be in for one Hell of a night. In reaction to this, I grabbed my brother's laptop again, went under that lovely reaction videos playlist, and played the same video as earlier.

"Yes. Ah'm serious," Applejack replied sternly after the video ended, not even so much as flinching. They weren't as mesmerized by it as they were last time. Dammit. I thought the video would somewhat take their minds off what exactly their plan was. I sighed and asked another question, as if I just accepted that I was going to have to do this.

"For how long...?" There was a bit of apprehension in my voice, as if I feared the answer.

"We're only asking for you to watch them for about tonight and a bit tomorrow," Rarity answered.

I shot her a skeptical look. "How long is 'a bit'?"

"Just until tomorrow evening. Probably about three hours or so after the time right now."

"So basically, almost two whole days?" The anger in my voice was steadily rising.

"Well dear, if you'd like to put it that way...yes." I can't blame her for trying to make it sound nicer, since even before they came in, I already gave off this air of 'I'm not a happy-go-lucky person'. Sure, I've already had four days to myself, but since alone times like this only occurred every eon, I wanted to take all the time I could get. The worst part was the time span she mentioned. It was 4:00 P.M. right now, and my family would be coming home around 7:00 P.M. tomorrow. That would mean these last two days are wasted! I could, however, just say no to the request, but that'd probably yield bad consequences.

Firstly, it'd mean I'd be sending them back into the pouring rain. Second, if they went to any other house, the cops would probably be called and there'd be some kind of incident. They could be taken away, or they could just be killed on the spot (Honestly, they're lucky to have run into someone who watches their show). In short, I've been forced into this by the powers that be (God, The Universe, The Fates, you pick).

I cleared my throat. "Wait right here, 'kay?" I said, almost letting my rage out prematurely. And with that, I proceeded upstairs. I entered my room, closed the door behind me, and then it began.

The ponies couldn't exactly understand what I was saying (or yelling at the top of my lungs, for that matter), but there were some traces of some things like why someone named 'God' had cursed me with this, several swear words (the fillies' ears were covered, I'd assume), and a few over dramatic and exaggerated sobs. I then left my room, walked back down the stairs, and sat in the chair like nothing happened.

"Yeah sure, I can do it," I said calmly.

--

The ponies stared at the human as he gave all of them a stare that would be enough to pierce a thousand souls. The scarier part though, was that he just stood as still as a statue, barely breathing.

"Uh, you okay?" Rainbow Dash asked as she waved a hoof in front of the human's face. That seemed to snap him out of his stupor.

"Yeah sure, I can do it," He answered calmly.

--

"Thank ya kindly stranger. Ah know it's odd an' all to just randomly ask somepony ya don't know with this task, so Ah also wanted to say sorry," Applejack answered sincerely.

I only shot her a small glare. "I'm on varying degrees of forgiveness right now lady. Just hope this doesn't come back to bite you in the ass."

Applejack gave me a confused glance. "Bite me in the donkey?"

"Never mind."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were pretty quiet up until now, shouted at the top of their lungs, "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SLEEPOVER AT..." Clueless looks came over their faces before they finished.

After recovering from the outburst, Rarity asked, "That reminds me. Could we please have the name of the generous stranger who's watching over the fillies?"

"Yeah. We introduced ourselves, but you didn't," Rainbow Dash added.

I wondered if I should give them my name, since this might go horribly wrong and they'd come after me for it. Then again, they already know where I live, so why not?

"Wyatt. Just call me Wyatt."

"...SLEEPOVER AT WYATT'S HOUSE! YAY!" The three fillies sat there grinning, as if they had done nothing ear-shatteringly loud. I shot them a glare, then shuddered as I realized I'd have to deal with these three for almost two days. What have I gotten myself into? I looked at Applejack with an expression of a desperate beggar.

"You swear you'll come by at least around 7:00 tomorrow night?" I slightly moved my face into hers, to make the point that I wasn't exactly in the greatest mood clear. Applejack took a couple steps back, looking unsure of what I would do if she didn't comply.

"Ah swear."

I looked at her a moment, then remembered the factor that was the reason for all of this.

"By the way, why do you want me to look after these three? What exactly are you doing that's SO important that you have to leave them here?"

Applejack glanced around nervously. She never was a good liar. That's when Rainbow Dash took over.

"We're just uh...too busy with errands and big projects to look after them. Yeah, that's it." Oh Rainbow Dash, even you sometimes suck at lying.

"But you're not even related to Scootaloo," I said with a devilish smirk to blue pony.

"Uh, her parents put her into my care when I said I'd give her flying lessons. They're busy," Rainbow hastily added.

"Wait, how did you know they weren't related?" Rarity asked, turning the tables on me (Oh fuck you, Rarity).

I had to think of something quick, something they'd believe. I said the first thing that came to mind. "They don't look alike. At all." I said, showing no signs of lying. The three adult mares moved in closer to my face. They gave me hard looks, and I returned them. No way was I going to be beaten in a battle of...lying? Wits? I dunno. I just wasn't going to be beaten in something that involved brain power by colorful, miniature horses (Except Twilight Sparkle, if I ever met her. Facing her in a battle of wits would be a death wish). "The Hell are you staring at? They don't look alike. Now quit it," I said, ready to shove all three of them away from me, if needed.

Slowly but surely, they backed up, keeping their eyes glued to me, stern expressions still on. After a couple moments of this continuing, they finally stopped, ready to continue what they were doing before.

"We'd best get goin' then," Applejack stated.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked the three.

"Just to the same place we came from," Rainbow Dash answered.

"Back out into the rain? I thought you wanted to get out of it." I asked. They didn't give an answer, probably because they couldn't come up with some random excuse on the fly.

With that, they headed for the door. Not wanting that stare down to be my last impression before seeing them again, I got up, walked to the door myself, and held it open for them. As they walked out, all three of them gave their thanks (for both the door holding and for taking this giant task I'd been cursed with) and went...somewhere. I wasn't paying attention, and next thing I knew, they were gone. I turned around and looked at the Crusaders, who were all smiling at me. Weird how quiet they were during the whole confrontation. Hope it stays that way, which I doubt will happen.

"So, what do we do first?" I asked the three, afraid of how they might answer.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER TECHNOLOGY INVESTIGATORS!" They yelled. (Prediction correct.)

The three zoomed right up to the TV and pressed the buttons on it, all the while asking out loud things like: "Ooo, what's this do?" and "What is this thingie?" and anything else that might come from a curious child's mouth.

"Whoa, wait stop!" I yelled as I rushed over to them. As soon as I reached them though, they bolted to the computer (which was right next to the TV) and played around with the mouse and keyboard, cooing the same questions as earlier. All of their typing sent me to a random web site on the Internet, which probably wasn't appropriate for them (kinda like that time I put 'mmmmmm' into Google Images).

"If you'd just-!" I sputtered as I ran over to the computer. The three ran off again, but not before grimacing at what appeared on the computer screen. Before giving chase again, I went back to where I was on the Internet before the Crusaders took me to that weird site. Unfortunately, I had no idea where the three tornadoes could've ran off to. I didn't see which direction they headed, and I certainly didn't hear hoofsteps around me anymore.

"Sunuva bitch," I said out loud as I decided to check upstairs (since the light for the hallway up there was blinking on and off). I ran up the staircase, past the little ledge/counter that had my cat Smokey on it, and found the three playing with the light switch.

"Alright stop!" I yelled at them.

As expected, they tried running again. What wasn't expected, however, was when Sweetie Belle bumped into the ledge, dropping Smokey off of it. Now, Smokey wasn't exactly the nicest cat. He could be nice at times, but he had a foul temper. It wasn't very hard for him to get pissed off at little things, and that bump and drop was just one of those little things. Before Sweetie could run down the staircase, she was scratched on the side by that stupid cat.

"YOW!" She yelled out in pain.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom heard their friend's cry and turned around to see what happened, only to get scratched themselves, Scootaloo on her right cheek and Apple Bloom on her left foreleg. Both cried out from the scratches as Smokey readied for another. He, however, was stopped by me. The Crusaders rubbed their wounds and watched as I grabbed Smokey by the scruff of his neck.

"This is what happens when things get hyper. Someone always gets hurt," I said as I eyed the girls. My attention turned to Smokey, who was wiggling to get out of my grip, meowing. Giving him an evil stare, I walked down the hallway, opened the door to my bedroom, and tossed him in. I slammed the door shut before he could run out. I returned to the girls, who were surprisingly in the same place where I left them.

"Owwwch..." I heard Scootaloo mutter as she continued rubbing the scratch.

I sighed. "Come on you three. I'll get you fixed up." I began to walk down the stairs, and the Crusaders followed.

We reached the foot of the stairs, took a left, and walked into the bathroom door. Switching on the light and turning to the three, I could see their wounds more clearly. They weren't deep scratches, and there wasn't much blood running from them either, so they'd be easy to treat. I opened the cabinet underneath the sink, and grabbed rubbing alcohol. Then I opened up the medicine cabinet and grabbed some bandages, then some q-tips from on top of the cabinet, and turned back to the three, who were only watching me.

"Who's first?" I asked.

Apple Bloom proceeded to walk ahead of the girls. "Ah am," She said, putting on a brave face.

I sat down on the toilet, picked her up (she's a lot lighter than I thought!) and set her on my lap. Out of caution, I grabbed her tighter than I think I should have. As I dipped the q-tip into the alcohol, I warned Apple Bloom. "This is gonna sting." I applied pressure from the q-tip to her wound. She slightly jumped, but shockingly, she was calm (by the display the three showed earlier, I'd expect her to be all over the place). After all was said and done, I applied the bandage to the wound.

"There. All better." I said as she jumped off my lap.

"Ah can feel it healin' already!" She remarked.

Up next was Sweetie Belle. I threw away the q-tip and retrieved a new one. She surprised me by just jumping onto my lap (I guess after watching Apple Bloom, she figured she'd know what to do). The whole process was the same, except Sweetie jumped more than Apple Bloom when it came to applying the alcohol.

Finally, it was Scootaloo's turn, and she wasted no time getting on me (considering how she seemed to jump right on as soon as Sweetie got off). Again, the process was pretty much the same, except I had to take extra caution not to accidentally stick the q-tip in Scoot's giant eye (considering her wound was pretty close to it). After cleaning up, I turned to face the girls.

"Now then, I think maybe it would be better if you played around in the basement instead of up here. Because ya see, the basement is meant for playing around. Up here, you're supposed to be quiet." I motioned for them to go into the door behind them, and down the staircase. The three looked down said staircase.

"It's kinda dark down there..." Sweetie remarked. In response, I flipped the switch right next to the door, which turned on a light.

I looked down to the unicorn filly. "Better?"

She chuckled awkwardly. "Yeah." The four of us proceeded down, and I turned on another light for them. The basement was just like a second living room to me. It had a nice couch, a TV across from it, two lamps next to the couch, and two chairs next to those lamps. There were two doors across from both of the chairs, which led to the shower room and my older brother's bedroom (although he always slept on the couch out here. Weird huh?).

"As long as you don't cause massive amounts of damage down here, you'll be fine," I said as I headed for the stairs.

"Wait!" Apple Bloom called out to me. "What're we supposed ta do down here?"

I really didn't want to keep dealing with them, so I made the explanation as quick as possible. "Toy box is behind you, plastic building bricks are under the computer desk, don't go into any of the other rooms, don't touch the TV, don't touch my lego weapons, and don't touch any outlets. Have fun!" I began my trek back upstairs.

"But-!" Was all I heard from Scootaloo before I closed the basement door.

--

Back in the library, Twilight had explained everything that was going on to Spike after the small shock he had received from seeing a giant portal in the library. He barely understood it, and assumed it was Twilight just being herself and doing some crazy experiment.

Later, the three mares came back through said portal, and joined in observing the test through a small rift that Twilight had created to monitor the whole thing. The group had just seen Wyatt leave the Crusaders to fend for themselves in the basement, and though impressed by Wyatt's care to the fillies' wounds earlier, Twilight frowned, disappointed by Wyatt's actions as shown.

"That'll deduct a couple points..." Twilight said as she made a few marks on a chart.

Lyra, still having hope that the human would turn, only gave Twilight a sad look and shook her head. She really wished that they didn't have to watch this whole thing like Wyatt was a test subject. All she wanted was to meet this guy and befriend him.

"He certainly appears to be...selfish at times..." Rarity said. Being the Element of Generosity, she'd know exactly how to point out a selfish person.

"Yeah. How could he just lock the three in the basement?" Rainbow Dash added.

"It was nice seein' him care for the scratches n' all, but this may turn my opinion of him south," Applejack commented.

"Come on girls!" Lyra shouted. "Have more hope in this guy! Don't assume he's bad just because he did one thing! Quit judging him so harshly!"

The others looked around, a bit embarrassed. Maybe they were a little hard on Wyatt (they had just come back and were already ripping on him). He was foalsitting their sisters (and Scootaloo), so they may have just been being overprotective. Then again, there was the possibility that they weren't being too hard on him, and their thoughts and opinions would be completely justified. Either way, the test was still in action, and there was plenty to still observe.

All of the mare's gazes went back to the rift, which showed Wyatt sitting back down at the computer, and the Crusaders looking bored in the basement...