The Anger Has Been Doubled!
Today was like any other Sunday morning in Ponyville, meaning that it was quiet, peaceful, and everyone was tending to their start of the week, minding their own business. The stall owners waited for a new shipment of their product in order for them to have a fully stocked shop for generous customers. Fillies were wrapping up their weekend fun with their friends, ready for a new week of school at the Ponyville Elementary School, complete with a kind teacher named Ms. Cheerilee. And the rest of the citizens of the town did what they had to.
Celestia’s new warm sun helped the Pegasi to bask in its brightness, giving everypony a fresh new feel for the day. The clouds were sparse and few in between, giving an artistic look to the sky above. And the sky, it had transgressed from the dark violet and the red orange to an enticing blue. Luna’s precious and tranquil night had gone to rest for now, and the day was young.
It was on these days, that Twilight Sparkle and a good majority of the town liked to spend time on the Equestri-net, browsing blogs, videos, news, and a few other enjoyable things, things associated with two bodies embracing in a hold......pro-wrestling! And so, with a loud, unladylike yawn, Twilight rose from her bed.
She wiped her eyes multiple times to get that morning laze out of the way, needing to sort out the library a good nine hundred times. She stretched her hooves and received some pleasure upon hearing her joints and ligaments snap into place. Finally, she opened up the curtains and smiled as the beams of light shone on her face. The sun was beautiful, almost much so as her mentor. Twilight turned to her assistant’s bed, ready to wake him up.
Of all of the things she could choose from, there was one method she had yet to use. A sly grin spread across her face. She stealthily tittered over to the baby dragon’s bed-basket hybrid, and put on the best impersonation of Rarity she could muster.
“Ohh Spikey-wikey!”
Twilight stood still, waiting for the unnerved shivering that Spike tended to display when in the presence of the purple-maned fashionista. But his bed was still. Maybe he was still asleep?
“Spike?” Twilight asked as she pulled the covers.
Her eyes widened in horror at what she saw. She gasped so loudly, the Cakes would be able to hear her from Sugar Cube Corner. She wanted to cry at this moment, for what lay before her broke her heart and bended her will. Spike was.....Spike was......
“Spike was early?!”
That was the most absurd thing that Twilight had ever heard of! Well, there was the one time with the bleeding she had from a certain area....
Twilight Sparkle slept in sometimes, sure. But on Sundays? Spike would always sleep in until the afternoon! There was no way Spike had arisen before the librarian, herself! She needed to get to the bottom of this, so Celestia’s personal student galloped down the stairs and was met with a familiar scent. The smell wafted through the air, causing Twilight’s stomach to gurgle in response. Boy, was she hungry.
She trotted passed the endless row of bookshelves, along with the assorted chairs, couches, beanbags, and other comfortable furnishings. As she passed the archway into the kitchen, an all too familiar form filled her vision.
“Oh hey, Twilight. Want some cereal?” Spike offered as he took a spoonful of Celesti-o’s and ate it. “We’re out of milk, so I had to use chocolate milk,” Spike chewed slowly, as if he were taste-testing it professionally. “Not that bad.”
Twilight looked at her little brother and he showed no sign of tiredness, exhaustion, or anything of the sort. She decided this was the time to pry. “Why are you up so early?” One of her eyebrows raised in question, while she started to inch closer to get his reaction.
“Oh that,” Spike’s face contorted from his previous state of neutrality to that of annoyance. “Somepony woke me up before it was even seven in the morning! Can you believe it? So there I was, in this awesome dream where I was flying, beating up bad guys and saving Rarity, when all of a sudden a letter hits my face and wakes me up. Normally, I’d brush it off unless it was from the Princess, but there was a big ‘R’ on it! And that means Rarity, right? So I opened it.” Spike took another spoonful and ate it. “This is really good, here try it.” Spike handed over the spoon, to which Twilight declined.
“Continue.” Twilight ordered.
“Okay, so anyway, the letter said:
To my Spikey-wikey-dikey,
I’m like Rarity and stuff, and my mane is ruined. It’s so lolsy! Halp plz....I can’t stand it! I needs your helps! Come over hier and liek, clean it? I’m sooo fabulous! Help me!
Fruum,
Rarityyy”
“That’s it?” Twilight asked with a somewhat disillusioned glare.
“Yep,” Spike answered. “It was pretty vague, but I had to go with it. What if Rarity was really in danger, huh? Her nice mane, all ruined and stuff. So yeah, I got there, and what do you know? I go inside, barging in like a superhero, and when I go inside of her bathroom, she bucked me all the way back here. She said I was intruding or something. So what’s up with that? But after looking it over a couple more times, I realized the letter couldn’t have been from Rarity.” He concluded.
“Why?” Twilight questioned.
“Because she never sends letters!”
Twilight Sparkle facehoofed. She wasn’t sure on just how to approach this matter. “So, you’re telling me, you went all the way over there, based on a mistake that you knew all along?”
Spike did a mental checklist, scratching his chin as he thought. “Now that I think about it, yeah. I guess so.”
“Ugghh,” Twilight exclaimed in annoyance. “Just pass me the box,” Twilight said as she used her magic to lift a bowl and spoon, along with a carton of chocolate milk. After pouring herself a serving of Celesti-o’s with chocolate milk, she went over to her computer. It wasn’t exactly a cuisine, but it was a start. After chewing mindlessly, she thought this would be a good time to go on E-of-Harmony.com, a website that was not only a website for dating services, but a biography about the Elements of Harmony, themselves.
Twilight’s profile was pretty informative, if she had to say so herself.
It was as follows.
My name is Twilight Sparkle. I like books, scrolls, friendship, magic, and Princess Celestia. If you are interested in me, please do not hesitate to come to the Ponyville Library! I am sure we can suit you well with one of the fine books here. And I am sure we can become good friends! I am very interested in BROnies, or Book-read Resident Obliging ponies.
The rest of her E-of-Harmony page consisted of listing her blood type, her fears, her birthday, her favorite books, her favorite stores, her favorite food and drink, and a bunch of other unnecessary info that one would not need for a casual date or just to look at her. She did record a video of herself that one time, displaying her.....naughty side.
That seemed to get her some attention, mainly from the colts of Ponyville who talked about ‘getting busy’. Twilight never actually understood what they meant. When she talked about doing naughty things, she meant it. Writing prank letters to the Princess was seriously naughty!
But anyhow, Twilight just wasn’t satisfied with her page yet. Little to no ponies vied for her attention, and though she wasn’t a mare like Rarity, she wanted somepony to notice her. Another video had to be made! Twilight made sure Spike wasn’t around, Celestia help her if the dragon stumbled into the video. And seeing that the coast was clear, Twilight took a moment to compose herself.
“Here goes..” She breathed deeply.
Well, that didn’t go as good as she hoped. It didn’t help either since she already submitted it, meaning it would be on the Equestri-net forever, and just at that moment, Pinkie Pie appeared out of the computer screen to deliver said message. She slowly retreated back until she disappeared entirely, which didn't help Twilight's mood improve. And Spike popping out didn’t exactly help either...maybe she should go check on him.
“Spike, you okay?” Twilight peeked her head from the couch.
“Yeah, just dandy,” Spike replied sarcastically. “It’s not like getting bucked into the wall, and then falling on a vase hurts.”
“Sorry,” Twilight apologized.
Twilight Sparkle’s assistant bolted out of the front door in a rampage, mumbling about the day being a piece of hayseed. She giggled at his misdemeanor and turned her attention back to the glowing screen. “Time to check Pony-Book!”
Pony-Book was a site for social gatherings, friends, and families. Ponies used it to keep in contact with each other, see how the other was doing, and upload random everyday pictures of themselves. And that was all thanks to a stallion named Aardvark Zucciniburg. (A very ponified resemblance of Facebook’s creator)
Writing a post and gaining some comments would surely help her mood raise considerably. She slammed onto the large pony-adjusted keyboard to write about her morning.
Woke up and ate a bowl of cereal. Spike was being silly again. Made a new video on E-of-Harmony, here’s a link: http:thisisafakelink.com/ifyoucopyandpastethisyouareanidiot
Twilight immediately got some feedback upon pressing the post button.
“Ooh, Pinkie wrote Dang girl, you so fine. And Rarity wrote I’m going to strangle Spikey-wikey! Okay.....who’s this? Want a better intercourse experience? Tired of your colt’s low stamina? Buy Flim & Flam’s Durable Condom 6000. Pesky spam mail,” Twilight commented to herself as she deleted the redundant post. But as she pressed it, another comment came up. Iron Will’s got some Iron Balls, if you get what he’s saying. Buy his Deluxe Exclusive now.
“What the hay is with this spam?” she continued to delete it, but more and more arrived. Before she knew it, there were over 9000 comments in her post and she could not delete them. A new message popped up in her inbox. After pulling at her hair out of frustration, her mood changed suddenly. “Huh, what’s this?” she asked as she clicked the open button.
That was fun, plus you look like Celestia’s ass, big and dirty. Troll ya later,
-TrollerShiey
“No, it can’t be...no!” Twilight wanted to just get up and destroy everything in sight. She was just pent up with anger. She was the victim of a troll attack! Now, of course, with every new development, there were always neigh-sayers , but nopony could’ve ever anticipated a troll! They were heartless, ruthless, and without mercy. They just fed off of the anger that they caused, and sucked out the souls of the living. If you became a target of a troll attack, it was recommended you just give up or turn off the computer forever.
Twilight wasn’t going to give up though, no she was going to settle this. This troll was somewhere in Ponyville, seeing as how the IP Address was linked to this area. So she got off her haunches, and left for the others’ homes.
Sugar Cube Corner
“Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, and today, you’re watching my video on how to bake cupcakes! I mean, who in Equestria doesn’t like cupcakes? It’s almost as fun as saying kumquat! Who doesn’t like saying kumquat? Say it with me now! Cupcakes, kumquat, cupcakes, kumquat, cupcakes, kumquat. You know what’s even funner? Pickle barrels! Pickle barrel, kumquat, cupcakes, pickle barrel, cupcakes kumquat. AAAAHHH! I have an idea! How about me bake a kumquat cupcake....in a pickle barrel?! Let’s do it. Kay, first you need a pickle. Or was it flour? Anydoodle, you need- huh?” Pinkie stopped her incessant chatter when a small comment in the chat box showed up.
I need a delivery! Can you please respond?
“Sure!” Pinkie exclaimed whilst the laptop camera was recording. “What’s your name and address?”
I. C. Weiner. I am at 69th Street on the junction of the Moon.
“The moon? Huh, I don’t think I can go up there....I’ll be back, or my name isn’t Pinkamena Diane Pie. See ya in an hour, Mr. Weiner!” Pinkie exclaimed while she strapped a hundred balloons to her body. The customer left the chatroom, leaving a winking smile and a signature that another mare had already seen.
Sweet Apple Acres
Applejack sat in her living room, surrounded by Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh. They crowded around the new technological device they had just purchased from Bon-Bon and Lyra, both of whom were taking up all sorts of odd jobs. This new computer was called the ‘iCelestia’.
“So uhh, how do y’all turn this whatsit on?” Applejack began to prod the sides, the rim, and even the buttons, looking for a power button.
“I think we have to hook it up first.” Apple Bloom guessed.
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh agreed.
“Okay,” Applejack took the plug and put it into an electrical socket. “There, now what’s it sayin’?”
“It says we gotta register or somethin’,” Apple Bloom recited, reading the instructions manual. “Then we just go on the ‘Safari’ and we’re online!”
“Move aside, young’un,” Applejack scooted her little sister to the side, propping herself down on the wooden stool in front of the screen. “Username? Uh....Apples? Password...apples, with a lowercase ‘a’! That’s good, right?”
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh was as stoic as ever.
“Okay,” Applejack clicked on the small compass that read ‘Safari’ and the screen came to life. “What’s this?” she asked as a popup came on screen saying Important for new users!. The apple-bucking mare clicked on said new message, and something came up. It was an old stallion in a suit, singing.
“LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, ALALALALA!”
“What the horseapple?” All of the siblings said in unison.
Applejack tried to exit but the screen wouldn’t change, as the singing pony continued his mouthed melodies without end. It was on loop. Every time Applejack tried to hit the escape key, a mysterious voice would come on and say “Ah-Ah-Ah, you didn’t say the magic word. Ah-Ah-Ah!”
Applejack finally got so mad she just got off of her haunches, and bucked the iCelestia to smithereens, which of course caused the expensively new thing to combust and explode. Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom looked at a nervously grinning Applejack with bemused expressions.
“Hehe...consarn it.”
Rainbow Dash’s cloud house
And we interrupt your program of the Wonderbolts Shore for a brand new message
“Dang commercials.” Rainbow Dash whined as she lounged over to her kitchen.
Taking out some chocolate pudding, she walked over to her computer to see what was up on Pony-Book. Maybe the Wonderbolts finally answered her request for an autographed flight suit! She scrolled through the updates, nothing serious. There was something about Twilight and it said she had over 9000 comments.
“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash had to check this out. She clicked on the thread and just laughed her flank off upon seeing that her egghead friend got trolled beyond recognition.
“HAHAHA! Oh man,” She exclaimed as she wiped a tear. “That’s good. I have to comment on this.” Rainbow Dash wrote the casual ‘sucker’ and was about to go back to the TV when she noticed something. Her profile picture of herself doing an awesomely radical pose had been changed! It was now a..........kitchen sink?
“What the flying feather?!” the Fastest Young Flyer clicked on her home page and gasped upon seeing the new sight. Instead of having the cool, awesome, radical, and spectacular stuff she always had, it changed to something that only Twilight would write.
“I love to read books?! Long walks on the beach? Knitting? Who the- Darn.” Rainbow Dash got trolled.
Carousel Boutique
“Sweetie Belle! How many times have I told you to not touch my things?” Rarity asked, impatiently tapping her hooves on the floor.
“Uh, nine?” Sweetie Belle guessed.
“No,” Rarity said as she took her fabric out of her little sister’s grip. “Much more than you can count, darling. Now please, let me get to my work!”
“You never want to play..” Sweetie Belle complained as she trotted back to her own room. As she left, the fashionista slammed the door shut and eyed her precious materials.
“That Sweetie Belle, she always messes things up! I swear, if she would just.....Oh!” She grunted.
Rarity began to gather the erratic mess that was her room, putting them in specific containers of threshers, occasionally discarding one in the wastebasket. It was hard work, being a dressmaker, a sister, and an Element of Harmony all in one. If she had to say, she thought that she had the hardest life of the six of them.
Putting her self-wallowing aside, she went over to her prized friend. “Opal, do you think I should make a blue skirt with stitches on the borders, or a red dress with French haute couture?”
“Meow,” Opalescence replied, scratching at her ball of yarn. The feline didn’t care much for Rarity’s squabbles, only occasionally taking some form of interest.
“I’ll take that as the blue one, good choice!” Rarity snidely chose.
She went over to the sewing machine when the doorbell rang.
*Ding Dong*
“I’ll get it!” Sweetie Belle called out from downstairs.
“No! It could be someone important!” Rarity galloped out of her room, still telekinetically holding the blue cloth in her sight. She hopped down the stairs to be met with a starry-eyed sister and a somewhat surprised deliverycolt.
The colt looked down at his checklist before addressing the two sisters. “I got a package for a....Rarity?” He guessed.
“Yes, that would be me.” Rarity answered, pushing her sister to the side.
“Aww, I said I had this one!” Sweetie Belle huffed.
“You can’t possibly sign for it, Sweetie, you’re too young!”
“Listen ma’am,” the colt interjected. “It doesn’t matter to me if a foal signed this, I just need a signature.” His gruff voice almost made Rarity cringe.
“Fine then,” Rarity took the pen and scribbled her name down. “Now, where's that package?”
“Here ya go,” the colt answered, motioning for six colts behind him to push in a giant crate.
“What is it?” the two sisters asked.
“Listen ladies, we just get told to bring stuff, we don’t know what’s inside. All I know is, it has to be delivered here.” The colt and his co-workers left the two confused ponies at the whim of the giant mysterious container.
“What do you think it is?” Sweetie Belle asked, prodding the small opening for a better look.
“We won’t know until we find out.” Rarity replied, using magic to open up the front. It creaked, and heaved as dust began to fill the air. Using all of her might, Rarity gave a final push as the crate gave leeway. “AHHH!” was all Rarity could say before she and her sister were drowned in a sea of clothes.
Rarity pushed her way out to the top after a few silent minutes. “Pfft! I hate green!!!!”
Fluttershy’s Cottage
“Are we all ready?” Twilight asked, eyeing all of the others.
“Why are we here again?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Because,” Twilight explained. “We all got trolled, right? And if we could barely handle it, what makes you think poor Fluttershy can? She can barely walk outside without screaming, let alone being pranked!”
“Yeah, she’s right, Dash.” Applejack agreed. “She’d probably get hit the hardest.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” Rarity asked. “You must lead the cause. You must. You must! You musssstttt!”
“Alright fine, but did anyone see Pinkie?” Twilight inquired.
“Yeah, she said something about...a delivery to some guy named ‘I. C. Weiner’.” Rainbow Dash informed, tapping her chin to emphasize her hazy memory.
“Uggh.” Twilight facehoofed. “Let’s go.”
The girls opened the door and went inside, expecting to meet with a emotionally hurt Pegasus. Instead, they got something like this.
A low, gentle laugh came from Fluttershy’s bedroom. “They are soo mad, right Angel bunny? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking....I think that um...they are beyond butthurt.”
Twilight and the others exchanged questioning looks. Twilight shushed them as they ascended the stairs, eavesdropping on Fluttershy’s conversation.
“Looks like Lyra and Bon-Bon took up another job again. Think I should hit them with the spam mail, or just the troll canon? Ooh, I haven’t used that one before!” Fluttershy cheered.
The hidden mares sat and listened as they heard noises that resembled that of a construction place would have. Hammers, saws, and even torchlights filled the air until they heard Fluttershy’s soft voice speak, “....Um, got it!”
“Fluttershy!” the girls thought this was the best time to do something, so they jumped in, causing Fluttershy to squeal in surprise and hide in the corner. After a few awkward seconds, Fluttershy rose from her bed.
“Oh, hello girls. Is there.....something you need?” She nervously stammered out.
“It’s you, isn’t it?!” Rainbow Dash pointed an accusing hoof. “You’re the troll?”
“Who me?” She asked innocently. “No, of course not, we’re talking about me..” Fluttershy whispered.
“Objection, that’s a lie! I know a lie when I hear one!” Applejack shouted.
“Oh dear...” Fluttershy recoiled.
“Darling, how could you?! You know I hate green!” Rarity scolded.
“I can’t believe our Fluttershy is a troll.” Twilight added. “I mean, of all ponies, I’d expect Pinkie Pie or Rainbow.”
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash interjected.
“But you? Why, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy’s previous expression of both fear, timidness and gentleness was replaced by a smug grin. “You girls don’t get it, do you? Everypony thinks I’m so weak, I’m so helpless. Well, I’m not! I’m strong....sometimes, but I can be fun when I want to! I mean think about all of the times we had. You girls thought I was a scared little pony, but I stood up to that dragon, didn’t I?”
“Well, yeah..” Applejack quietly agreed.
“And I whooped that cockatrice’s flank, didn’t I?” Fluttershy reminded Twilight.
“You did...” Twilight nodded reluctantly.
“And you girls weren’t there, but let me tell you about the time with Discord...”
Fluttershy travelled through the Canterlot Maze by herself. She was scared, fearful, and nervous. Why did the others have to choose to split up? Suddenly, she saw butterflies float up beside her.
“Fluttershy,” Discord began while in butterfly form. “It looks like you got left behind by your so called ‘friends’, huh?”
Fluttershy’s expression changed from one of timidness to calmness. She smiled sincerely at Discord. “Oh no, I’m certain they’re doing their best to find me.”
“Well, it must be so upsetting to know how weak and helpless they think you are.” Discord teased.
“Not at all, I am weak and helpless and I appreciate their understanding.” Fluttershy grinned smugly.
“Yes, well, surely it...burns you up...I mean, they’re always pointing out your flaws, right?” He asked with an undertone of annoyance.
“Not really, in fact, I think I’m awfully lucky to have friends who want me to be the best I can be.” She replied coyly.
“Oh for goodness sake, you’ve been kind for far too long, my dear.” Discord turned back into his real form and tapped her on the head, changing her into a mischievous pony. “Time to be cruel. Arrivederci!” Discord exclaimed, clearly mad as a horse, or pony in this case.
But what Discord didn’t know, was that Fluttershy was already a troll, so the only thing that he did was enhance her troll magnitude. “Mission accomplished.” Fluttershy said to herself. The god of chaos was mad.
“And that’s how it went down. He was sooo mad, if you didn’t mind listening...” Fluttershy took pride in her feat of trolling the Troll.
“It’s worse than I thought! You gotta save her, Twilight! She’s a Tier 3 Troll!” Rainbow Dash smushed her cheeks together in panic.
“Save her, you just gotta!” Applejack begged.
“We musssstt!” Rarity hissed.
“Okay! Stand back!” Twilight focused all of her energy to do the strongest spell known to ponykind. Only two other ponies had ever been able to perform it successfully, Princess Celestia and Star Swirl the Bearded. She was about to do the most dangerous and energy-consuming spell ever; the Anti-Troll Dispeller.
“Grrrrrr.....almost there!” Twilight screamed. Her horn was becoming even brighter than a star, perhaps even brighter than physical contact with the sun, itself.
“Rarity, what does it say about her magic level?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Rarity broke her only pair of fashionable, expensive glasses upon measuring the librarian’s high dosage of friendship. “It’s over 9000!”
“What, 9000?!”
“Stop, you can’t!” Fluttershy tried in vain to convince the others otherwise, but it was too late as a giant hammer came out of Twilight’s horn and smacked Fluttershy upside the head. The hammer was feared, as it wasn’t used lightly. It was something all trolls scurried away from. It was.......the Ban Hammer.
The whole house exploded in a giant encasing of ass-kickery. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash stumbled onto each other, trying to stand up straight.
“What happened, did it work?” Rarity questioned, examining the destroyed cottage for Fluttershy.
“Oh my,” Fluttershy exclaimed, moving a large chunk of wood off of her body. “What happened?”
“Are ya still a troll, Fluttershy?” Applejack looked into Fluttershy’s eyes, ready to see if the truth or falsity would follow.
“A.....troll? Uhm, what’s that? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“It worked? I can’t believe it, it worked!” Applejack tossed her Stetson into the air. “Let’s go get some supplies to fix this place, gals. Let her have some alone time.”
The others smiled warmly at her, leaving slowly one by one. Fluttershy waved them off innocently as Twilight lingered for a final second. With a final look, Twilight sighed in relief that it was finally over and left.
Fluttershy smiled at Angel. “So Angel bunny, are you hungry?”
Wake up, Fluttertroll. The sleep is over now.
“Huh?.....Uhm, who...said that?”
They’re gone, we have work to do.
Fluttershy looked down at Angel bunny, who was grinning smugly. “Angel?”
Trolls never die, Fluttershy. They just go to sleep. Now wake up.
Something clicked in Fluttershy’s shy brain as she started to spaz uncontrollably. After a consecutive minutes of the peculiar body motions, Fluttershy stood upright. She looked over to her computer, which somehow remained unscathed during the explosion that took out most of her house. And she grinned smugly.
Canterlot Castle
Princess Luna only had to do her royal duties and raise the moon at night. After that, if the day proved uneventful, she was given free time. And the Princess of the Night valued and prized her free time, because It. Was. Paradise.
She spent every ‘paradise’ session doing what she loved most, browsing the web, looking for funny threads on Ponychan. And while she would do this, she'd lay in her built-in swimming pool, which was filled to the brim with strawberry jello, and drink from her endless chocolate fountain. Deciding to check herself out, Luna looked on her Pony-Book account to view her newest picture she had taken the other day.
Nopony commented so far, and to be honest, no one commented on her things except for Twilight and Celestia. It was probably due to Luna’s high dosage of daily Royal Canterlot Voice. But still, she had spent the other day at a modeling agency and took a picture that she found as the best picture in all of Equestria. Sighing discontentedly, Luna looked at her picture and jumped in the slish-slosh of jello when a red notification popped up. Fluttershy commented on her newest snapshot! What could that lovable little Pegasus have to say?
“Where is it?! What did she say?!”
She scrolled down to the comment and.........
"Thou dare calleth me FAT?!"
