Anon Deals with Ponies.

by PleaseNo

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Scootaloo, Random, Violence, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Fluttershy
Length: 1047

Anon's life from Dawn, to Dusk, with his pony 'friends'

Anon is used to strange things. Being taken to a world full of colorful small equines was not one of those things. Now he goes through day to day life with ponies trying to kill him, befriend him, and sometimes both.

But he doesn't really care.

He's chill like that.

Published 2018-09-07 02:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-09-07 02:20:01 UTC

Anon is Mature

Slowly his senses came to him, the residue of sleep still having a hold on his body. But even that soon passed as he sat up, stretching out his arms to let out a few pops, which he welcomed with a groan. Soon his sense of sight started to start up, and he looked around his current location. It would seem he was in some sort of station, where both the consumption and preparation of organic substances would begin.

“Anon. Why are you sleeping in the kitchen, naked, while on the stove?”

It would seem the man was not alone in the station of creation, as a tall, pink furred creature walked in, a puzzled look on her muzzle and other pony-esque features. She was rather tall, standing at what seemed to be 6.11 feet. Much taller then Anon, who was simply 5.6. The pony-like creature had on a hoodie that was specially made for equines, holes in the back to let her wings free and the same for the hood, as she had a rather long horn sticking out of her mane.

Said mane must have made some terrible life choices, as it was in complete disarray, sticking out here and there and somewhere over there. Anon looked at the pony who had clearly just gotten out of bed, blinked two times, then laid his head on his pillow, which was a crushed cabbage.

“Anon. Get up.”

It seemed the equine had not left him to his slumber, so he retaliated with words that would make the smartest, nay, the wisest of men proud.

“No, fuck off.”

Truly brilliant.

The pink pony let out an annoyed sigh, and soon Anon could feel a good deal of heat under his backside. He did not fret, however, as he looked at the pink pony with a raised eyebrow, still looking as if he was close to falling right back to sleep.

“Nice try Candy, but you already know how resistant my body is. Thank Tia for that.” He said with a slow drawl, right before laying right back down. The pony, whose true name was actually Mi Amore Cadenza, or Cadance as she prefers to be called, simply raised an eyebrow before lifting the man off of his very warm bed with a pretty little twinkle of her wand-head. This, of course, did not go without complaint.

"Fuuuuuuck ooooooooooff."

Course, Anonymous did nothing against the grip on his body, not feeling like moving a muscle at the moment, feeling happily lazy at the moment. And that was the time Cadance decided to drop the human with a loud thud, a curse leaving his lips as he quickly scrambled to his feet.

"Jesus Christ! Why is the floor so damn cold!"

He then looked towards the tall Alicorn princess, who was currently smirking, nose scrunched up as she tried her best to hold back the snort of laughter threatening to slip loose. Anon, being Anon, decided to repay that unjust action, and proceeded to flick her on the nose.

You'd be surprised at how effective that is.

The pink Alicorn let out a squeal, quickly backing away while shaking her head, right before a horrible series of sneezes took over, Anon laughing as the Alicorn tried her best to get the sneezing under control, cheeks red and eyes narrowed at the human in front of her.

"That wasn't ni- Oh what am I saying. You're not nice." She said with a shake of her head, with Anon simply nodding at her as if he was a sage and she a student who had finally understood a harsh lesson.

"You're learning. Good. Now get me some clothes, please. My essentials are freezing."

"Honestly Anon, why were you sleeping their anyway?" Cadance asked as the human worked on a pair of pants that, ironically, had once been the cabbage he had been sleeping on. Thank you unicorn magic for such convenience.

"Huh? Oh, got a hold of some cider."

Pause.

"A LOT of a cider."

Cadance shook her head while the two walked outside the kitchen and into the hall, crystals of all kinds gleaming at the slightest touch of light, which annoyed the human as it shinned suspiciously right into his eyes every time.

"Whoever thought of building a castle, nay, a city of crystals was stupid." He grumbled.

"Anon, this town is thousands, maybe ten thousand years old. It is practically a thriving artifact of pony creation."

"Then tell your thriving artifact to stop shining light into my damn eyes."

"If I give you some sunglasses will you stop whining?" She asked with a roll of her eyes while they neared the door tot he throne room.

"I mean, probably not. But you can always hope."

With a groan, she had a pair of sunglasses formed in a second, and the human took a hold of them, slipping them on with an approving nod.

"Better. But they could have been cooler looking."

And with that comment, the simple black glasses turned a bright pink, with blue and green feathers and gemstones on the rim.

"Better?" She asked with a grin while Anon simply looked at her with a pout.

"Bitch please, I look better in pink then you ever will." He shot back just as quickly, the Alicorn simply raising an eyebrow, something she feels like she has been doing a lot of this morning.

"Whatever you say Anon..." She said while they walked into the Throne Room, and caught sight of Cadance's husband, Shining Armor, a pure white unicorn with a messy two-toned blue mane, and a large build.

"Oh Shiny! Cadance has been oh so rude to me!" Anon whined instantly, the stallion suddenly having a human draped out in front of him.

"He's being an idiot again," Cadance replied simply, and the stallion understood instantly, as that was far from different.

"That's mean you know." Anon pointed out, looking over at the tall Alicorn. "You could hurt my feelings. What if you had hurt my feelings? They are rather fragile you know."

Shining gave a small chuckle, rubbing the back of his head with a hoof while Cadance just sighed.

Just another day with an idiot.

Author's Note

Bluahg