Author's Note

I started a ko-fi page. For those of you who don't know what Ko-Fi is, think of it like a tip jar system. If you like what I'm doing, maybe consider throwing a few bucks my way. Chapters will always be free and will come out on schedule, but money is the fuel that could cut those breaks down a little...

Chapter 2: I didn’t mean to steal you... just your gold

Rarity’s entire body was in pain as she slowly regained consciousness. She sat up, her eyes hazy and not fully open but wherever she was it was dark. Her head was spinning, and she ended up slipping while getting up, falling down the pile of gold she was still on. Her head hit the floor rather harshly, and it jolted her awake.

“Ow! Son of a...” She bit her lip as she looked at the grimy stone floor beneath her. “Wait... where am I?” The princess was in a dark, dank chamber. Behind her was the giant pile of treasure from her castle along with... “Sweet heavens...” all her pain went away when she saw the rest of the room. Her treasury was like a valley of gold... what laid before her was an entire ocean! It was as if some glorious genius took her castle, and filled it up with her little metallic beauties. “Ha... ha...” tears started to pour out of her eyes, they were the happiest tears of her life. This was the greatest day of her life. If she had died then she had gone straight to heaven!

The mare couldn’t control herself in front of this gigantic mass of sexy gemstones and gold. Rarity slipped out of her dress and underwear so fast they practically ripped off. She jumped straight into the nearest pile. The tingle of new coins and crystals caressing her skin was the most magical touch she’s felt in ages. She dragged herself around the top of the piles, rolling around on it and rubbing coins in between her thighs.

“This is paradise...” She sighed, rolling onto her back and closing her eyes. She may have no idea where she was or how she ended up here, but if she could spend the rest of her life in this golden nirvana then she would gladly do so, even if it meant starving to death. She would have no regrets. Rarity let out a flutterly moan, not a care in the world on her pile of gold.

She hardly even noticed the sudden vibrations coming from beneath her until the coins around her started rattling like songbirds. The princess opened her eyes and shot up, looking around to see what could be causing all this commotion when there was an eruption of gold right next to her. It nearly knocked the mare over as heavy metal coins rained down everywhere, revealing the creature that had been lurking beneath the treasure, a large figure covered in shiny purple scales and muscles. The beast stretched out his arms, rolling his muscles as he cracked his back a bit before flopping down onto the gold happily and... humming?

His head mere inches from Rarity’s lap, and that’s where she got a better look at his face. Long lizard snout, long green spines, rows of sharp teeth in a grin... there was no doubt in her mind: This was a dragon.

Rarity screamed, of course. Her hellish squeal was like a banshee’s cry that caused the dragon to wake up from his daydream in a panic. The drake nearly jumped six feet in the air, he was so startled. He fell back down on his back, groaning a little in pain. Rarity should have tried to run away, but all she could do pinch her legs together and try to cover herself as she realized she had no clothes on.

The dragon rubbed his head as he got back onto his feet. He had been half submerged in the gold before and Rarity didn’t realize just how... small he was. Granted he looked like he was a good head taller than her but compared to that massive behemoth that snatched her and all that gold he was well, quite petite and naked... oh goddess he was naked as well. Why in all the land was he naked? Rarity tried to keep her gaze eye level and not think about how her treasure may have been having an affair with another.

Slowly,the dragon turned around. Rarity winced a little as she expected glowing red eyes of fury, or savage snarling like a rabid dog. What she wasn’t expecting was the shaky look of fear she saw on his sweaty face. Somehow this carnivorous monster was scared of her?

“W-What are you doing here?” He asked. “How did you find this place?”

“Huh?!” Rarity gawked. That wasn’t the response she was expecting. Are you extra lean or better with hot sauce maybe but... was he being serious? “I... what do you mean what am I doing here? You kidnapped me!”

“What?!” The dragon gasped. “N-no! There must be some sort of mistake! I don’t kidnap ponies! I don’t need that kind of heat! No, clearly you’re a thief trying to steal from my hoard!” He puffed up his chest, trying to look intimidating with his sweaty complexion and distraught eyes. The fact that his dragon meat was flopping around didn’t help either. “Leave now! Or face my wrath!”

“Oh goddess, you’re not going to throw up, are you?” the mare gagged. “That’s disgusting!”

“What? I’m not going to puke!” The dragon said, straining to hold his breath. “I’m appearing large and intimidating to scare you away.”

“Well it looks like you’re about to vomit.”

The dragon exhaled. “Fine, is this better?”

“A little...” Rarity said cautiously. “Still not a thief, still kidnapped by a dragon.”

“I told you, I didn’t kidnap you!” The dragon frowned. “I don’t mean to brag but when it comes to raiding castles’ treasure keeps I’m sort of an expert. I don’t kill anyone, I cause as little damage as possible, I only take four scoops of gold and I DEFINITELY do not take hostages. Besides, I’m sure I’d remember kidnapping somepony.”

Rarity started to turn a little red. The dragon... may be telling the truth. It was unlikely that he knew she was hiding in the gold when he took it. “Oh dear... this is embarrassing.”

“What is?”

“Well... funny story,” she laughed nervously, turning red. “At least I know you didn’t kidnap me... on purpose, that is.”

“What do you mean by that?”

She took a deep breath and put on a smile. “So... I was hiding in the gold when you scooped some up and well...”

“Huh?” the dragon wondered. “What in the hell were you doing in a pile of gold?”

“T-That’s none of your business!” she flustered.

The dragon raised an eyebrow. “Ah? Oh... I see...”

“What?”

“You were stealing from them as well, weren’t you?”

“No! Of course not!” Rarity gasped. “I would never do something so...”

“Bad?”

“I... look, I’m not a thief. You got that, dragon?”

“Hey, what the ‘dragon?’ I have a name, you know,” he said. “It’s Spike. Spike... the dragon.”

“Charmed,” Rarity muttered. “But fine, I am Princess Rarity Platinum of the royal family, the one you just stole a bunch of treasure from.”

Spike paused their for a moment and the two stood their in silence. “Ha!” he blurted out. “That’s funny! But seriously, don’t joke about being a princess. You’re going to give me a heart-attack.”

“I am a princess!” the mare frowned. “If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you!” She turned around, marched down the pile where she had stripped and picked up her clothes and made her way back up. “You see, this is the dress I was wearing--”

“Which you took off and won’t tell me why for some reason...”

“Shut up!” She snapped. Rarity unbundled the lovely gown and quickly squeezed herself back into it. Once it was dawned she gave it a little twirl. “You see? It fits me perfectly. Even if you think I stole this there’s no way it would just randomly fit me. So do you believe me now?”

The dragon was as still as a statue. “A princess... you’re actually... a... princess...”

“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!”

“A princess... I accidently kidnapped... a princess...” he blinked. “Son of a bitch!” He grabbed both sides of his heads, his claws digging into his head, as he went into a full on spiral. “Nonononononono! This isn’t good! This is not good! This is SO bad!” Spike’s breathing started getting heavy and rapid. “I can’t believe I--no, there’s no way...” he glared at Rarity. “You need to leave, right now!”

“Well it’s about time!” Rarity beamed. “Let me just gather my gold up and we’ll be on my way!”

“We don’t have time for that!” Spike snapped. “We need to get you back home now!”

“What?! I’m not leaving my treasure here! You didn’t just kidnap me, you kidnapped Anthony and Antonio and Amy and Allcard and Bianca and Benjaman and Bartholomew and Barry and Carsten and Christopher and Catherine and David and--”

“How many ponies did I grab?!”

“These aren’t ponies, they’re gold bits!”

“You gave them names? That’s insane, there has to be ten thousand coins!”

“You took twenty thousand, four hundred and seventy seven coins, six hundred and twenty one rubies, eighty nine emeralds, four large diamonds and three hundred and sixty nine sapphires!”

“And you named them all?”

“Of course I did!” Rarity frowned. “I love all of them!”

Spike tilted his head in confusion. “Huh? That’s a weird thing to say.”

“No it’s not!” she said. “It’s a perfectly normal thing to say!”

“I mean it’s--Look, it’s not important right now. Do you know why I only take four scoops of gold when I go on my raids? That’s because it’s pocket change to them! They’re pissed about it, but they don’t actually do anything about it because it’s not worth the time or effort! But for a princess! Oh dear lord... please tell me your father hates you.”

“Umm...” Rarity gulped. “When I was four I burnt my tongue on some hot soup and he cut the chef’s legs off and flogged him to death...”

“Holy shit! That’s horrible! What the hell is wrong with your dad?”

“Hey, watch yourself! That’s my father!”

“He MURDERED somepony because your soup was a little hot!” Spike blurted out. “Oh, good goddess... he’s going to turn me into a suit of armour!”

Rarity bit her nails anxiously. She didn’t blame Spike for panicking. It was easy for others to see her father as... well, psychotic, and she would admit that he could be quick-tempered and irrational and... murderous, but it all came out of love! Her father loved his family more than anything and was just... passionate in his methods of protecting it.

“Now calm down, Spike,” she said. “Maybe when my father shows up I can talk to him down. He’ll listen to me... I think.”

Spike glared at her. “I need more assurance than an ‘I think’!”

“Well it’s the best I can do!” She was about to say more, but there was an interruption. In the distance, there was the faint sound of trumpets and drums, similar to that of a war march. “What’s that noise?” Rarity turned around and ran to the nearest window. She stuck her head out and saw what she feared. A large legion of what could have been over a hundred warhorses marching towards her. She squinted, looking at the large flags waving in the wind. Bright blue with gold trims with an emblem of a rose and sword. “Oh dear...”

“What’s oh dear?”

“Well... I have good news, bad news, and horrible news...”

Spike gulped. “Oh great... what’s the bad news?”

“You’re being invaded by an army of ponies most likely to kill you and rescue me.”

“Oh good lord,” Spike groaned. “This is why I wanted you to leave before all of this crap happened! What the hell’s the good news?”

“Well... the bannerponies weren't waving my father’s flags, so yay?”

“Well then who is it?”

“The horrible news...” the princess groaned. “House Blueblood... my fiance.”

“How’s that horrible news?” Spike wondered. “Your future husband’s coming to rescue you.”

Rarity nearly gagged. “Please don’t say it like that...”

“Ah...” Spike nodded. “We don’t like the groom, I take it?”

“He’s a total ass!” Rarity barked as she threw her hands in the air. “I don’t want to get married to him! Hell, I don’t want to be married to anypony at all. I...” she stopped herself, turning a little red. She barely knew this dragon and she nearly told him her biggest secret! Something she couldn’t share with any of her friends or family and yet... she felt safe with him. Her entire body was burning with this desire to finally let it out, and if she was going to tell anypony, it may as well be with the dragon that was probably going to die. “I... I don’t even like ponies.”

“I see...” the dragon said. “So what? You’re gay?”

“I’m not gay!” Rarity frowned.

“Hey, it’s cool, I don’t judge.”

“I’m not in love with women, I’m in love with treasure, you idiot!” And there it was. She had finally said it out loud. It felt rather liberating to finally say it out loud. She loved gold and she was proud of it and nopony could take that away from her! Well... maybe somepony could take that away from her.

“Wow... didn’t see that one coming,” Spike said. “That’s kind of weird.”

“Oh please, spare me, dragon,” Rarity grumbled to herself as she gloomlily watched the army grow closer. “It’s not like it’s going to matter in a few hours when they take me away and I have to marry that buffoon.” She sighed. “It’s funny, when I first woke up here I was actually relieved that I had died and gone to heaven. Just me and my treasure... no princes trying to wed me for my father’s money and approval. It was a nice... idea...” her ears perked up. By the goddess, she was a genius! “Ha! That’s it!” She started laughing to herself in an almost diabolical tone. “It’s so simple!”

Spike backed away a little. “OK... what’s so simple?”

“Spike...” She ran up to him, grabbing the drake by both shoulders and pulling him closer. “I need you to kidnap me!”

“What?!” spike asked quizzically, blushing a little. She was really close to him. “But you’re just about to be rescued!”

“I don’t want to be rescued!”

“What do you mean you don’t want to be rescued?”

“I mean I don’t want to marry him!” She cried, pushing her face even closer to his. “If I wasn’t a princess then I wouldn’t be forced to marry somepony I hate. I want to marry the one I love! Not him... please not him.” Tears were starting to form around her eyes. “I love treasure Spike and there’s so much here! Just let me stay, please... kidnap me...”

The dragon was getting really uncomfortable. The mare was sobbing right into her chest. She was so... soft, and warm. He’d known this girl for less than half an hour and she was fussy, opinionated and full of herself like any other princess. And yet... she had trusted him with her secret, and she was so scared right now. It reminded him of himself a little, but he quickly shook that thought away, he didn’t need to be reminded of that.

Carefully, Spike pushed away the princess. “I’m a pacifist, I don’t kill. Hell I don’t even like hurting anypony.”

“So you’re not going to save me...”

“Never said that,” Spike said, heading to the window. “I’m going to make them go away, because I don’t let anypony take what I’ve rightfully stolen.” He turned his head, grinning. “Because you’re one of my treasures now, too. And I’m a dragon who loves his treasures.”

Rarity squeaked, turning redder than a ruby. S-she was a treasure?! Precious like gold?! “W-w-what are you saying? D-did you say y-you l-l-lo...”

“Don’t worry about it,” the dragon said. “You want to know why I’ve never been robbed before?”

“Why?”

“Everypony’s afraid of dragons,” he beamed as he crawled out of the window. Spike looked out in the distance, the large army was nearly at the gate. He took a deep breath and hopped out, falling down the tower.

“Holy--” Rarity rushed to the dragon, looking down the side of the tower. As she stuck her head out of the window, the mare was nearly blown away as a large figure swooped upwards from below. “S-Spike?! Is that you?!

*****

“C’mon you lazy bastards, keep marching!” Blueblood muttered from his chariot pulled by two exhausted servants. “Honestly, yelling at you two is utterly exhausting.” The two workhorses let out quiet moans as they continued to trudge along.

The prince leaned up against the railing, staring off into the distance where his scouts had said they’ve seen dragon activity. An old, abandoned castle that sat on top of a hill in the middle of nowhere. The stones were dark and brittle, a few of the towers had crumbled with age, and it looked like the only thing keeping the walls still up was the uncontrollable growth of plant life that had weaved its way into the infrastructure. Normally the prince would n’t be caught dead in a place like this. It was old... and dirty, a perfect home for a vile lizard to hide out.

“My prince,” a stallion adorned in fancy gold plate said, running up next to the chariot. “We’ll be upon the castle within the hour. How shall we engage the enemy?”

“We’re going to overwhelm it,” he said. “When it leaves its hideout, send our main forces straight at it. While they’re distracting it, our knights will attack it from behind and we’ll chop it’s bloody head off.”

“Sir... if I may,” the stallion asked. “You’d be sending those men to their deaths needlessly.”

“Needlessly? They’ll be dying for me! What nobler death could there be?” Blueblood asked with a grin. “It doesn’t matter if they die or not, they’re just serfs with cheap swords and rags. If they can keep the dragon occupied long enough for somepony worth a damn to do something important then they did something with their lives.”

“I...” the stallion began to say, but the horrible glare his prince gave him made him back down, lest he be one of those poor fools marching straight to his death. “I understand, my lord. I’ll relay the message.” The stallion ran ahead, barking the prince’s orders throughout the ranks.

Prince Blueblood pulled a little on the reins. “Slow down a little you two, let the rest of them get on ahead.” There was no way in hell he was going to be anywhere near this bloodbath. Unlike everypony else here, his life meant something. He was a prince! Royalty, engaged to the eldest daughter of the Platinum Family and perhaps the younger one as well if things go according to plan. He didn’t care if every single one of these ponies had to die, if the dragon was slain along the way then it would all be worth it.

They were less than a mile from the base of the hill that the castle stood on. Every soldier were getting ready to draw their swords. Archers had their bows at the ready, heavily armoured knights began splitting off from the main forces for the flank. They were ready, there was just one thing missing.

“Where is that dragon?”

“Prince Blueblood! The south tower!” A pointing pony yelled.

Blueblood and the rest of the forces looked to where the pony had pointed, seeing what looked like a small creature standing in a window. It was hard to tell from this distance, but it didn’t look like a pony. Whatever it was also seemed to be committing suicide, as it fell from the window shortly afterwards.

“Huh... that was weird--Holy!”

A second after the unknown creature broke their sightline behind the wall, a new beast emerged. It was as large as three houses crammed together and a dark lavender. Its wings stretched out for half a mile each. Its maw was long and the whites of its fangs were clear even from this distance. It was a dragon, the dragon that had stolen from the king.
Blueblood’s heart was racing. During the raid he had been hiding under his bed, so he had no idea just how terrifying this monster was. Seeing it in real life nearly made him wet himself.

“Ha... ha...” the prince trembled, his entire body shaking in fear. He pulled back on the reins of his chariot. “Back you fools! Keep me away from that thing!”

The two servants gagged from the tugs of their cheeks. What Blueblood had done was cruel and unnecessary. They didn't want to be anywhere near that dragon either but the two slowed down to a stop, watching the rest of the forces run headon towards their doom. It was the only time in their lives that they were thankful to be the steeds of royalty.

Meanwhile, perched on the top of his castle’s walls, Spike looked down curiously at the advancing forces, assessing just how much trouble he was in. There were lots of soldiers that were... running right at him? Did these ponies have a death wish?! No... they were just distractions to keep him from noticing the two quickly making their way around the castle. They were trying to stay spread out to surround him and raid the castle more effectively. Of course, they weren’t being incredibly subtle about it...

The drake spread his wings, taking off into the air with one, giant flap. As soon as he took off, the arrows began to fly. The sky became littered with the pointy projectiles all trying to dig into the dragon’s scales. Luckily for Spike, these arrows were subpar and simply bounced off of his scales like pebbles. He looked around the battlefield, trying to find a gap in their lines to he could make his counter attack. On the left end of the platoon, he saw his opening. Spike took a nosedive towards his opening, his jaw open as he unleashed a spectacular blast of emerald flames. The dragon’s fire was nowhere near anypony, which allowed any bystanders to make a hasty retreat, which was his plan. He was never aiming to hurt them, but the wall of flames he made did cut off the knights from the main forces, and definitely freaked them all out. He glided around the forces, spewing more flames to the ground, corralling them away from the castle and from their commanders.

This was how Spike fought. Deep in his heart he was a pacifist. The idea of hurting anypony made his stomach turn, and while it made him seem like a coward, it didn’t mean he wasn’t above protecting his home. But since he wouldn’t take lives, he would take his enemies morales and drown them in fear. The fields around his castles was popping straw, a luscious minty grass that burned easily, but would always ‘pop’ back up within a day. It made his flame corralling techniques very effective over countless back-to-back raids on his castle, and he never had to worry about replanting!
The main forces seemed to be in disarray, running around trying to find an escape from their fiery prison. Spike of course left a gap in the circle of fire, the exit leading away from the battlefield. He watched happily as they eventually made their way out and began dispersing among themselves.

“Screw this!” he heard one of them say. “I’m not staying around to be roasted alive!”

“How dare you, t-that’s treason! The prince will have your head for this!” Another pony shouted.

“I’ll take my chances with the axe!”

“I don’t want to die like this!”

“Somepony call for a retreat!”

Spike smiled to himself. “There’s the magic words,” he said. He looked to out into the distance towards the only pony that hadn’t engaged, the one he assumed was this Prince Bluedouche or whatever. Rarity hadn’t exactly painted the nicest picture of this stallion, but even so there was no way that he would allow so many of his subjects to die pointlessly (even though they weren’t in any real danger...)

“Well!” Blueblood yelled at the top of his lungs. “What are you idiots doing!? If you’re afraid of the fire so much then kill the blasted thing making them! Put them out with your bodies if you have to, I just want that dragon dead!”

“What the hell!?” Spike gasped. He really was an asshole! Spike had scared away many armies and even the most ruthless of warlords or scummy of kings wouldn’t just tell their armies to kill themselves. This pony’s head must be so far up his ass he’s popping out of his mouth! He was horrible, but since Spike wasn’t going to kill anything it did pose a real problem. They weren’t just going to retreat like normal... no, he would have to do something a little more drastic.

Spike made a beeline towards the backlines, avoiding the flurry of arrows being shot at him. Normally, he wouldn’t go after the leader, they tended to be the most ferocious and strong-willed out of everypony on the battlefield, willing to die for glory. That didn’t seem to be the case with this guy.

Blueblood saw the dragon heading towards him. “Crap, crap, crap, crap!” He stammered, trying to turn his chariot around, but it was too late. Spike was already upon him, and quickly scooped him up in his claws. His two servants watched from the ground as their leader was carried off into the sky. They were worried for him, but they were also relieved that they didn’t have to feel the horrible pull against their jaws. Blueblood on the other hand was not loving his new situation. He was miles up in the sky, moving at breakneck speeds in the clutches of a fire-breathing beast. He’d be screaming if he wasn’t so afraid of throwing up.

Once Spike had gotten him up high enough, it was time for a little talk. He raised the prince to eye level, so he could get a good look at Rarity’s fiance. He was definitely dressed like a noblepony, but his expression resembled a child about to wet himself. “So... you’re the prince?” he growled, doing his best, most intimidating dragon voice.

“Please don’t eat me!” He cried. “W-w-w-we can work something out! I-I’m about to c-c-come into a lot of money! Let me live and you can have it!”

“Bartering for your life? How pathetic!” Spike roared. “I already have my riches, what I don’t have is peace and quiet!” His gripped loosened a little, letting Prince Blueblood slip through his fingers.

“Wh-whaaaa! Don’t drop me!” the prince screamed. “D-Do you know w-who I am?! I am a prince! I-If I die you’ll face m-my family’s w-wrath!”

“Maybe...” Spike growled. Deep inside he was legitimately afraid of that happening, but he kept a straight face. “But fine, send your legions after me. I’ll wipe them all out in a sea of fire and blood. You won’t live to see though, at least.” He released his grip for a brief moment, letting Blueblood slip though his fingers. The stallion gave out a hellish squeak before Spike caught him by the hand, letting him dangle. “But... that sounds like a lot of work... and I’m tired. So I’m going to give you an out. Call off your troops, leave, don’t come back, and I don’t kill you. That sounds fair, right?”

“B-But I can’t leave without the princess--”

“THE PRINCESS IS MINE!” The dragon boomed. “Now, are you taking the deal, or taking the fall?” Internally, he begged like crazy for him to take the deal, because he had absolutely no exit strategy.

“OK! Fine! It’s a deal!” Blueblood cried. “Just let me live!”

Spike smirked, nosediving towards the ground and dropping the prince next to his chariot. “Remember, pony... stay away, or I roast you alive.”

“Ra... rea... retreat!” He yelled, jumping onto his chariot and snapped the reins. “Get me out of here, you fools!” Spike watched happily as the three ponies fled. He turned around, taking back to the air and circling the rest of the army.

“Attention, cattle!” he announced. “You’re leader flees as we speak, leaving you all to die! You have thirty seconds to leave my domain before I make death your reality!” His announcement, of course, was enough for the already downtrodden ponies to flee as well. Thankfully they seemed to hold little loyalty to a prince that left them all to die, or at least they were smart enough to follow his example.

He flew back to his castle, resting on the fall as he watched the legions of ponies leave. Once they were out of sight, he let out a heavy sigh.

“That was a close one...” he muttered to himself. The dragon turned back to the treasure tower and lept towards it. As he was soaring through the air, his form began to shrink and grow less monstrous. His wings started to shrivel up and fell off of him like dead skin. When he landed back on the windowsill he was no bigger than a large pony. He crawled back in and turned to Rarity, who was stunned and speechless. “Hey there. So we’re all good now, your marriage is officially broken off.”

The princess didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She didn’t know what to say. This dragon who she’d barely knew had done so much for her without even asking for a reward. It had taken her getting kidnapped to finally be rescued from her life, and it was all thanks to Spike. Rarity rushed to the dragon, tears flowing from her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him.

“Thank you!” she cried. “Thank you so much!” It was all she could say, what else could she do but show her gratitude. “I’ll never forget this!”

Spike turned a little red. This was a little sudden and he didn’t know what to do. “Uh... you’re welcome! I mean it’s my fault you’re in this mess anyways...” His eyes widened as Rarity started pulling down on him. She clenched tighter around his stomach and started sliding down him. The mare was so overcome with emotions her legs were giving out and now her face was sliding down his chest and towards his... “Uh, Rarity! You might want to--”

But it was too late. Rarity felt it before she saw it. Something large and soft like a sausage tapping on her cheek. She stopped sobbing for a moment to see what this could be and was greeted by Spike’s penis.

Well, she stopped crying at least.