Rainbow Dash: Suprisingly Adequate Attorney
“The trial of Twilight Sparkle is now in session. Is the prosecution ready?” asked the judge.
“Yes, your honor.” replied Edge Worth, the number one prosecutor in Equestria.
“Is the defense…where is the defense?”
“Uhh…the defense will be here shortly, your honor.” said Twilight Sparkle nervously.
“Alright, then I guess we’ll need a recess-“
“ALRIGHT, THIS COURTROOM JUST GOT 20% COOLER!” shouted a voice. Twilight couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Fluttershy was supposed to get her a good defense attorney!
Rainbow Dash sat down next to Twilight Sparkle, a smug look on her face.
“…very well. Is the defense ready?”
“Of course! You think I would show up if I weren’t? Alright, edgey! Make your statement.”
“…very well. As we all know-“
“OBJECTION! I am not aware of what you were about to say!”
“Mrs. Dash, if you would refrain from bursting out.”
“Sorry.” Edge Worth sighed.
“Okay, the murder was 2 nights ago in the victim’s very house. The body was found a half an hour later. The murder
weapon was a book; a copy of Les Miserables. The book could easily be used as a murder weapon.”
“Accepted into evidence.” said the judge.
“Alright. I call my first witness to the stand; Applejack.”
Applejack stood on the podium.
“Name and occupation.”
“My name is Applejack-“
“OBJECTION! I don’t believe you.” said Rainbow Dash.
“What!? Your honor, this is ridiculous-“
“It is not! She could easily be masquerading as AJ to take the witness spot, thus giving the guilty verdict. I refuse to carry on with my cross-examination unless we get some hoof prints."
“OBJECTION! Your honor-“
“She has a point. We’ll run hoof prints. Court adjourned.
Outside the Courtroom
“Dash! What was that-“
“I didn’t have enough evidence. I need some time, Twi. Trust me, I can do this. See you tomorrow. Rest well.”
She didn’t.
Trial day 2
“Okay, we are now in the second day of trial. Is the prosecution ready?”
“Yes, your honor.”
“And the defense?”
“Ready, your honor.”
“Okay…opening statement.”
“We did do a hoof print check, and…it was Applejack. We call her to the stand.”
Applejack took the stand once more.
“Alright. What did you see?” asked the judge.
WITNESS TESTIMONY
“Who said that?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Said what?” asked Edge Worth.
“Nothing.”
“I was walking back from the market-“
“HOLD IT!...to buy what?”
“…seeds. Apple seeds. Come on, Rainbow-“
“YOU’RE LYING!” said Rainbow Dash.
“You’re accusing the element of honesty…of lying.” said an annoyed Twilight.
“Yes I am!” said Rainbow, bringing her hoof down.
“What? That’s impossible! What explanation could you possibly have that could prove that the element of honesty is-“ began Edge Worth.
“She is still under the influence of Discord.” replied Rainbow Dash.
“WHAT!? You turned him to stone!”
“It is still very possible. If you recall, Discord changed ones personality. Applejack, being honest as she is, was turned into a liar. This could very well be the case. I request another day to prove that the AJ on the stand is not corrupt.”
“OBJECTION! Your honor, this is-“
“Overruled. We shall give another day to Mrs. Dash. Court adjourned.”
Edge Worth sighed.
Outside the Courtroom
“Are you kidding me?” said Twilight
“No. I still don’t have the evidence I need. We’re gonna take a trip to your house.”
Twilight's House
They had arrived at the scene of the murder.
“Where is the book?”
A detective handed it to her.
“Funny…I never knew I had a copy of Les Miserables."
“…that’s because you don’t.”
“Huh?”
“Every book in this library has your name written inside of it, right?”
“Correct.”
“This one doesn’t.”
“Huh? Does it have a name in it?”
“No, just some initials.”
“What would those be?”
“G.A.P. The book belongs to our friend Trixie.”
“So she did it?”
“No. Or, I don’t think she did. She certainly had a motive, which may be why they pinned it on her.”
“Who’s they?”
“That is what I wish to find out. The magic mark or hoof prints wouldn’t be there. They would be carefully erased.”
“So what do you plan to do?”
“I plan to call the pony who I think is the culprit to the witness stand. I’ll take him or her out there.”
“Wow, Dash! How did you become such a great attorney?”
“I play a video game.”
“Alright…who do you think the killer was?”
“According to a borrowing log at the back page of the book, the last person to borrow this book was a pony with the initials of WW.”
“I don’t know a pony with the initials of WW. What grudge could they hold on me?”
“Not on you, but on somepony else that knows you. That somepony may be too hard to kill or frame, so they did it on somepony else.”
“Do you have a clue who did this?” Dash smiled.
“Clue? I know who did this. Expect her at the stand tomorrow.”
Trial day 3
“This is the last day for a case. Opening statements, prosecution?”
Edge Worth sighed.
“Applejack isn’t under the influence of Discord. Also, we ran a whole bunch of other test so you can’t do that in court again. So, without further a-fricken-do, Applejack.”
Applejack took the stand once more.
“Okay, just tell us what you saw.” said the judge.
WITNESS TESTIMONY
“Who said that?” asked Rainbow Dash, annoyed.
“SAID WHAT?” screamed Edge Worth, clearly blinded by his hatred for the defense attorney.
“Nothing…”
Edge Worth could have exploded.
“I was walking back from the market to get me some apple seeds. I passed Twilight’s house and I heard a loud slam-“
“HOLD IT! What time did you here that slam?”
“About 11:30 AM.”
“OBJECTION! Your honor, her statement clearly contradicts the evidence. Please get me the autopsy report.” She received a copy.
“Okay. According to this autopsy report on the victim, she was struck in the head once at 12:04 PM. How could Applejack have heard that slam if the victim was only struck once?”
“B-b-ut I’m telling the truth!”
“That’s the thing, Applejack. I know. So, I’ve called a second witness who also heard that second book slam. I call Wind Whistler to the stand!”
Wind Whistler obliged.
“Name.”
“Wind Whistler.”
“Good. Begin your testimony.”
WITNESS TESTIMONY
“Who is-nevermind. Begin.”
“I was walking home from…the…market.”
“Seems legit.” said Rainbow Dash.
“And I came across that house. I heard a loud bang. A moment passed, and I heard another one. That was the copy of Les Miserables."
“HOLD IT! When did hear that last one?”
“It was at around 12:04 PM.”
“OBJECTION! I find two contadictions in your crap testimony!”
“Mrs. Dash, could you refrain from-“
“Shut up, old man! Not once did I tell you that the copy of the book was Les Miserables, nor would anypony “passing by” be able to figure that out…unless they went inside the library.”
“Wha…”
“Secondly, it wasn’t “around that time”. It was exactly that time. 12:04 PM. How could you have possibly known the exact time?”
“Y-you can’t a-accuse me of anything! I have no m-motive!”
“You do, actually. Are you dating anypony?”
“…no.”
“Exactly. Your recent coltfriend, Caramel, was a farmhand at Sweet Apple Acers. He dumped you, didn’t he?”
“…yes.”
“And because of this, you wanted to get revenge on him…but you couldn’t. So you tried to get revenge on AJ and her family. You couldn’t. So the last option was for you to take out your anger on a friend of theirs, the friend sitting right next to me.”
“OBJECTION! Your claims are-“ began Edge Worth.
“$#!%& PLEASE! I expected you to say that, so I have further evidence. The copy of Les Miserables.”
“What does that have to do with-“ began the judge.
“I’ll tell you if you would listen. The book belongs to the Great and Powerful Trixie. Who better to pin the blame on then Twilight’s worst enemy? However, Trixie had a borrowing log where she had anypony who borrowed a book from her pay a fine. The last pony to check this book out was none other than a pony with the initials of WW.”
“Coincidence-“ began Edge Worth.
“I think not. Now, you may be wondering about that first bang.”
“Y-yea!” said Wind Whistler.
“You wouldn’t be. That “first bang” didn’t exist at all.”
“Huh?” said the judge.
“That bang was made by you, Wind Whistler. While the private investigators were searching for clues as to the identity of the murder victim, they found your hoof prints on one of the books in the library. That means that you caused that bang on purpose in order to create a distraction. Perfect motive. Perfect evidence. Perfect witness. What the hay else do you want from me? I say we can hand down the verdict now.”
“I do as well.” said the judge.
“B-but…no!” said Edge Worth.
“B-but…yes!” replied Rainbow Dash.
“I find the defendant, Twilight Sparkle, Not Guilty.”
Confetti rained down in the court room.
Outside the Courtroom
“Wow, Dash! You did amazing!” said Twilight.
“I know. If any one of you ever gets in trouble again, just call me up.”
“Dash! Rainbow!” said Fluttershy, running up to her.
“We won-“
“I know, but it’s Pinkie! She’s in trouble!”