Author's Note (September 21st 2012):
After a couple of rereads I've decided I'm really unhappy with how I executed this chapter, mainly with the superfluous words and somewhat awkward prose. It pains me that this could be driving people away from reading the story, so I intend to edit this once I've settled down in Uni and whatnot. Until then I encourage you to disregard the 'clunkiness', as it's been called, with the knowledge that the next chapters will be better.
(In honesty I'm probably being overly critical of myself because of course I suck. Don't start reading thinking 'oh this is gonna be a struggle' or you'll be overcome by a placebo effect where you'll consider everything awful T^T)
Saddlebags? Check.
Quill and parchment in said saddlebags? Check.
Checklist checked? Check.
It was going to be a good day.
As one violet filly with a straight-cut purple mane adorned with a rebellious pink streak trotted cheerily out of the front door of her house, she was greeted by an older colt, white with blue and navy bangs, snickering good-naturedly in her direction.
"One older brother who presumably heard everything I just said?" Twilight shot him a menacing look coupled with a smile. Twilight had always liked to make mental lists of what she needed to do in the allotted time. They made managing her day easier, more logical. She liked logic. Logic made sense.
"Check. Checking your checklist off your checklist? Seriously?" Shining Armor teased, pulling his sister close for a hug and a mane-ruflle. "Twiley, you sound like a bureaucrat. Hey, a cutie mark in bureaucracy would actually be pretty cool! If you enjoy that sort of thing, anyway."
"The bureaucratic system is inefficient and broken; each department functions solely for itself, and does not consider the bigger picture. The system is all that matters, not the populace in any way. That doesn't work in a society as liberal as ours. And anyway, everypony knows the federal bureaucracy holds no legitimate power." the younger replied dismissively as she returned to her previous position, readjusting her mane purely by memory, making Shining Armor blink. As much as she wished to uncover her cutie mark, she had no intention of going into politics at all. On any level. "No, my destiny is with magic, it is the only logical answer."
"Is that right?" Shining Armor teased, eyebrows raised. "And what logic sports that theory?"
"Well, magic is... See, it..." Twilight blushed, looking at the ground. "it's the only thing I want." admitted the filly with quiet confidence. And it was; ever since witnessing the splendour that was the raising of the sun during the Summer Sun Celebration, something very powerful had clicked inside of her. Twilight knew her purpose in life. Twilight knew she was to become a powerful wielder of magic. No matter what.
"Well then, that makes total sense!" The colt grinned enthusiastically, infusing his companion with a bright smile. "You'll have an awesome magic cutie mark in no time! Why, I'd be surprised if you don't end up becoming Princess Celestia's personal protégé!" he claimed, swiftly earning him an ardent squeeze from a very happy sister.
"Thankyou, Shiny!" sounded the joyful reply after a brief moment, as the grip was relaxed and a more comfortable embrace opted for. Twilight didn't like getting so excited about things; it hindered her ability to make sound decisions, and was far too often followed by the contrasting feeling that was disappointment, but she couldn't help it when such subject matters cropped up.
"Heh, I should be thanking you for being such a great sister" he chuckled, hugging her back.
Ending the moment appropriately, the two made their way happily to the Royal Canterlot Library, one to further her expertise in the field of Magic, the other for entirely different reasons.
"So, where to begin?”
"I think practicing the ignition spell would be a good idea.”
"I do like that spell.”
The purple filly made her way to a familiar shelf and carefully levitated a familiar book from its familiar resting place and trotted neatly back to where she had been previously, resting on a cushion that was all too familiar.
"I believe this to be the final time this spell need be practiced.”
"Let's see."
Twilight had been visiting the library as often as she could ever since she witnessed the magical event that had triggered her ambition.
Opening the book instantly at the correct place, she had started reading before she could even see the page. The writing and images were ingrained into her mind. It was as if she were an old mare knowing every detail of her lover's face, down to the last freckle.
A swift moment later, she had a candle before her on the floor.
"Let's do this."
Twilight began to concentrate, feeling energy travel up from her stomach, through her head and into her horn. As it began to accumulate, she relished the feeling; power, her own natural energy, was moments away from released via the appendage atop her forehead. Its purpose: wilful manipulation of her surroundings.
Suddenly, she projected the energy she had collected so that it may fulfil the destiny she had assigned it. This is what she loved. This was her calling. This is what she was born to do.
Opening her eyes, her grin faded to be replaced with a thoughtful frown as she witnessed in what her actions had resulted.
A quickly-solidifying pool of what had once been a candle greeted her. Taunted her with its total meltedness, as if to punish her for some higher crime she had so ignorantly just committed. Or at least, that's what it felt like.
Still frowning at the harsh injustice, she retrospected to see where she may have made an error.
"I don't believe I made a mistake with the process. Execution was sound and without anomalies, if memory serves."
"I just don't know what went wrong. perhaps there is a book concerning this problem?"
Whenever there was something that was beyond Twilight’s understanding, the first place she turned was to a book. Books of fact had been written so that the knowledge contained inside could be intaken. Books of theory had been written so that opinion could be scrutinised and compared, in search of a conclusion. Books of fiction had been written so that ponies could be entertained. Books of information and warning had been written so that the reader didn't have to experience the potential hazards things for themselves.
If Twilight were to discover the reason for her failure, it would be in a book. She found books in the Library.
The Royal Canterlot library was famed across Equestria for its most extensive gathering of scribings from all around the world; from the cold reaches of the south to the lands where one may find Zebras, to right there in Canterlot. That in itself though presented a problem, that problem being that there were just so many books. Countless tomes lined the shelves of the Royal Canterlot Library, almost like the treasures of a Dragon’s hoard. Twilight’s haven of learning, one thing she considered the greatest of blessings had reminded her cruelly that it could also be a most burdensome curse.
Though little to the knowledge of the expansive collection, Twilight had a secret weapon. One that would aid her in her ever-raging war against her closest comrade.
"Hello again, Twilight! How can I help you today?"
The query came from a middle-aged unicorn mare, a kind face bearing slight wrinkles from years of smiling. Her mane was full and naturally white, resting agreeably atop her deep jasper coat. A cutie mark resembling a spellbound tome declared her to be the Royal Canterlot Librarian.
“Greetings, Mrs. Quill! I was wondering if you could help me locate a book I’m looking for?” The kindly keeper of texts knew every inch of her domain to the last ancient dust-covered work; her family having managed the Library for generations. She, Amaranth Quill, had been working there since she graduated, having been homeschooled there.
“Why of course, my dear. What is it that you require?” The mare headed automatically over to where the tomes of sorcery were organised, by now used to Twilight requesting one for study.
“Well, just a moment ago I attempted to again practice the ignition spell I have been studying, but the result was anomalous; the candle, instead of igniting at the wick, had melted in its entirety by the time I had finished my spell. Where would I be able to find information regarding such an occurrence? Perhaps, Magical Overactivity? Or Superfluous Energy while channelling one’s Spell? I imagine you understand.”
Never tiring of the young filly’s extensive knowledge and vocabulary, the Librarian chuckled at the request, taking Twilight somewhat aback; she hadn't felt that her request was a humorous one; in fact, it rather worried her that what she had thought was an un-problematic execution of instructions did not win her the desired results. Almost indignantly, she pouted and spouted, “I don’t understand, what’s funny? This is a serious problem!”
Realising her poor choice of reaction, the librarian made sure to swiftly redeem herself; “Oh no, I'm sorry dear, I wasn’t laughing at your lack of success, what made me laugh is that I had expected you to already know the answer to this.”
Upon hearing this, Twilight’s expression quickly changed from mild irritation to one of hurt. It becoming clear that she had again made a mistake in her communication, Amaranth made a mental note to revisit her collection on basic conversation between ponies, after banging her head against a wall several times.
“–WHAT I meant was, I’m surprised you haven’t encountered this problem already, my dear.” Oh mane, this wasn’t going well. “I’m impressed, if anything! Most wielders of magic make this mistake early on, and considering the intensity of your study thus far, for you not to have hit this hurdle means you’ve kept a very level head during your practice. You must be taking this very seriously and rationally.” To her relief, Amaranth saw the filly’s face again alter, this time to a calmer look, a small smile hinting pride.
“Anyway, I think I may be able to answer your problem for you, without the need for a book” The mare smiled as the filly beckoned with her silence to continue. “Tell me, what happened exactly when you were attempting the spell?”
“I don't mean to be rude, but I've done this already; I’ve reviewed my actions and have deemed that they were carried out to the book.” Twilight explained, trying not to sound impatient. The mare smiled, expecting this answer.
“I can imagine,” A chuckle laced her reply. “But what was going through your head during? Did you think or perhaps feel anything that you hadn’t before when practicing the spell?”
Twilight paused in thought, before responding, “Well, I guess I was more excited than I usually am. See, Shiny and I had been talking earlier and he told me I was going to be the Princess’ personal protégé!” squealed the filly, jumping up in excitement. The mare relished the innocent belief that this sister held in her brother’s kind words. After a moment of silence, with the Librarian staying mute to give her companion time to figure it out, realisation suddenly filled the filly’s eyes.
“...so that’s why it happened? Because I got excited?” Amaranth nodded, pleased that Twilight had reached the correct
conclusion. “So, just as excitement can cause one to act eccentrically during conversation, it can cause one to overcompensate when channelling magic?
“And I suppose that also means that other strong emotions effect magic similarly as they do conversation, too?”
The Librarian was startled by the young filly’s progression. For one so young to possess such a sensibly objective frame of mind was astounding. “Yes, actually, an impressive educated guess. I assume on the basis that you so fleetingly achieved this conclusion that you have also theorised a remedy for this conundrum? It is one that I am sure you will have no problem with” Amaranth added, feeling a compliment was due.
Twilight nodded, and answered as if on cue. “To stop these occurrences, I shall need to renounce my emotions forever!”
Startled, Amaranth paused and blinked, at loss for what to say. She had not expected that. “No, not quite that far, my dear. One needs only to make sure that one is fully focused when they are committing to their magic. One must be objective.” She stressed the final word.
“...I see. Well, that makes sense, too. It’s just, recently I’ve not been able to help myself notice that emotions in general impair one’s sound decision making, amongst other things, so I have been musing the idea of renouncing them entirely. This new information only adds to the pros of putting into action said plan.” Twilight looked up thoughtfully, genuinely considering her large proposal to herself.
“Twilight, dear,” Amaranth caught herself, not a clue how to approach this farcical proposition. She had not yet gotten to this stage with her own daughter, and she hoped she would never have to. Though Twilight was, in some ways, beyond her years, she held yet much youthful naivety. That, and that she was so quickly confident in her verdicts, was a dangerous mix.
“If you feel you need to try that, then I of course won’t stop you. Although if I may, I will advise highly against it. Though the theory may seem sound on paper, I predict that in practice it will not work as well as you hope; it will likely affect those around you negatively, namely your friends.” She finished her sentence with a hint of question, and it was a question she had been yearning for the answer to for a while. For as long as Twilight had been visiting her Library, she had only ever come alone or with her Brother, and even then she was ever alone while studying, except for when she was conversing with Amaranth herself. The librarian had sadly come to theorise that Twilight was either without friends, or just spent no time with them.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I've carefully been through every scenario I can think of in my head, and I see that it will be manageable, if not helpful. It shall not affect my friends at all, for I have none, so there is to be no problem in that area.” Her question was answered, though unexpectedly brightly. Confused, the cardinal mare queried further. “Not to be unintentionally offensive, but does that not bother you at all, dear?” It was now the amethyst filly’s turn to look confused. “No, not really,” she replied, in thought. “I’ve never had friends. I guess I’ve never given it much thought. Should I have friends?”
Not wanting to answer the filly’s rather heart-wrenching question bluntly, Amaranth instead opted for a different approach, which would hopefully also kill two parasprites with one trombone.
“Did you know I have a daughter, Twilight?” the librarian asked gently, hoping that the filly would understand that she was going somewhere with her redirection.
“No, actually I didn’t, Mrs. Quill. She must be young if she’s not started helping out in the Library yet.” Twilight was aware of the Quill family legacy.
“Well actually, she’s about your age.” Replied the librarian meekly. “She has sadly not taken to books with the same enthusiasm that all before us in our family have. In fact, she seems to hold no love for them at all.” With a sigh, Amaranth did not try to hide her disappointment. She loved her daughter dearly, but it pained her greatly that her only child deviated from her heritage so.
Relinquishing her self-pity, the Librarian continued. “I was thinking, perhaps you two could get to know each other, perhaps become friends?” Trying to get her daughter more interested in her legacy was the aim, but she did feel genuine sorrow and concern that Twilight had yet to connect with another as a friend, and therefore guilt for using this opportunity for her own ends.
“Yeah… I think I’d like to try that” The more violet of the two frowned, as if wondering whether she wanted to sample a strange looking dish.
“How about you two meet here tomorrow afternoon, at twelve? You can go out for lunch together, maybe.” The crimson mare let her lips curl in dual happiness at the thought, earning her a smile and a nod from the other.
“Tomorrow it is, then. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a wick to ignite.” Cheerfully, the filly trotted off in the direction from which she came, but not without stopping to turn to her most recent partner in conversation to say “Thankyou, Mrs. Quill.”
Unsure of for what exactly she was being thanked, Amaranth responded, a motherly smile upon her face, with, “It’s my great pleasure, Twilight Sparkle.” A grin flitted across her face as she added “And please, call me Ama."
“Correct.” With authority not unlike the Princess herself, the judgement was passed, Twilight releasing her shoulders to slump in result. “And what is the name of this tree?”
“It appears to be an Oak.”
“Correct. Do you like Oaks?”
“It’s hard to hold an opinion of a tree, in honesty. I don’t dislike them, for I have no reason to. I suppose the positive features of an Oak tree do outweigh the negative, so I surmise that it should be said that I like them?”
“Correct.”
Questions had been coming one after the other for what felt like hours. Twilight didn’t usually mind having questions directed at her; in fact she delighted in it for the most part of its occurrence. But this was different. What she found herself faced with was a constant barrage of inquiry that was proving to be as stressful as it was inescapable. And it was just that, inescapable.
Twilight had tried to start a real conversation, but hideous doubt of her social abilities rendered her incapable of thinking exactly what might be good to say. She felt so outside of her zone, so blocked by inner conflict that it was impossible to conjure thoughts that she was confident would make any sense, or at least would be valid input. The ever-present inquisitive bombardment wasn’t helping her regain her composure in the slightest, either.
“Twilight, where are we now?” Twilight struggled to find a good adjective to describe her feelings towards the voice that was assaulting her so; she would call it tiresome, but it seemed never unable to find a way to freshly displease her. She would call it displeasing, but there was nothing she could specify about it that she felt should be annoying her. She would call it annoying, but that thought had her immediately filled with guilt, for surely she should not wish for this voice to stop hounding her as it so was, the voice belonging to who was supposed to be her new friend?
“It would appear that we have arrived at the food court.” Twilight had considered escaping, too. When she could not think up a good excuse to leave that she was confident would not result in feelings being hurt, she even mused the idea of simply running. But a mixture of not wanting to give up, foresight of monstrous guilt, not wanting to disappoint Ama and a lack of faith in her good decision making kept her securely attached to her current company. She was just going to have to soldier on and hope for the best.
“Correct.” Twilight was beginning to ache from her exertion. She was finding it increasingly hard to fight the distractions buzzing through her mind and pay attention, but it seemed a lost cause. Panic rose and crushing self-consciousness clawed at her insides as she realised how much of a fool she must appear in front of her new ‘friend’: she was struggling to answer the simplest of questions (with answering of questions being something in which she prided herself greatly). She was breathing more heavily than she imagined was normal, but simply could not halt herself. She was beginning to heavily doubt any future dabbling in friendship, if it were to be this difficult. She had wondered what friendship could be. She was less than happy to find out.
“And Twilight, what would you like to eat?” Twilight froze. What felt like the weight of the world crashed down onto her shoulders as she realised one horrifying fact.
“I… I’m…” She could feel herself begin to heat up as the sheer enormity of this new obstacle became clear to her.
She could not answer.
“Twilight, what would you like to eat?” The impatience was unmistakable. Eyes darting everywhere, she felt numb from a venomous mixture of burden and self loathing. She felt unable to breathe, unable to draw even a breath to seal her fate with an answer. Any answer. She felt as though she were being squeezed by a gargantuan Serpent, an ophidian manifestation of her newfound shameful lack in ability.
She was being examined, her very soul on trial. Tested for any volume of competence she may possess.
“Judging by your silence, I take it you lack an answer. I therefore conclude that I am correct in assuming you don’t know what you would like to eat, Twilight Sparkle?” The sneer came, soaked through with intoxicating mock.
What she already knew to be the absolute truth was mercilessly confirmed.
She had failed.
From her suspended position in the air, a rubber stamp was inked and plunged onto her brow, leaving in its wake a large F as proof of its conquest. Tears gathered as the beast vanished, leaving her to plummet down towards the earth. Her stomach lurched as she closed her eyes. She did not care about falling; she did not care about her fate that was hurtling towards her so violently. None of it mattered. She had failed. She had given her best, but had failed.
It was strange, though, after a massive jolt that feeling in her stomach she had not a moment before seemed to be absent.
Opening her eyes slightly, all around her was white. Not the kind of white light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel white, more of a soft, fluffy, warm white. A white that was comfy, that smelled familiar. It appeared to be a white that was breathing, too.
Heavy eyelids struggled to finish their venture upwards as Twilight slowly became more aware of her surroundings. She was moving, but she was not telling her legs to move at all. In fact she couldn’t; her legs felt rather restricted, for there was something big in-between them.
“You okay back there Twiley? You haven’t stopped fidgeting for five minutes straight.” the Whiteness spoke a friendly tone, calming her still-racing heart.
“Yeah, I’m ok. Just had a bad dream is all.” She chuckled to herself as her brother nodded in recognition. That was all it was, a bad dream. Absurdity incarnate. Madness that was anxiety moulding her subconscious in ways most uncomfortable, but only that. None of what she had just experienced was real.
Not that that made it any less terrifying.
A deep breath and happy thoughts were to be had.
She took a few moments to properly gather herself. Now fully awake, Twilight could properly and sensibly assess her situation, and formulate a plan for events to come. She was on her way to meet Amaranth’s daughter, whom she has never before met. They were to have fun together and perhaps become friends. How hard could that be?
Pushing back haunting images from her most recent venture into her subconscious, she began to think about what exactly ‘having fun together’ meant. She had been informed by Ama that her daughter was not one for books, which was very unfortunate considering that’s entirely what Twilight was one for. This meant she may have to talk about something she was not accustomed to, such as… something else?!
The more she thought about it, the more the blinding panic began to resurface. What if she got angry when Twilight doesn’t know what to say? What if she tries to hurt her? No, don’t be foalish; she knew enough spells to deal with a physical threat… unless Ama’s daughter is a powerful sorceress! What if she banishes Twilight to the Canterlot Dungeons, and then becomes the Princess’ student instead of her?! Oh Celestia, what if she banishes the Princess to the Canterlot Dungeons too, and then takes her place in an unstoppable reign of tyrann– don’t be silly, nopony could possibly beat the Princess in one versus one combat, not even Shiny.
Oh that’s right! Shiny! He wouldn’t let any evil pony hurt her, or banish her away anywhere… unless the evil enchantress disguised herself and deceived him, convincing him to work against her! What if she used her magic to brainwash him, and then used their powers combined to then defeat the Princess and throw Equestria into an era of terror and oppression? –Twilight gasped– What if she filled in his plot hole?! —Twilight wasn’t exactly sure what this meant, but she’d once witnessed some construction ponies offer to do it for a passing mare in what could only be described as a rather sinister manner, which left the mare positively mortified as she quickened her pace. Whatever it meant, it was certainly not something to be desired.*
Twilight jumped as she was pulled out of her frightening musings by a concerned voice. “You sure you’re okay sis? By the look on your face you’ve got something pretty heavy on your mind.”
Realising her cheeks were beginning to hurt; she released the uncomfortable guise her face had adopted, opting for one more gentle. “I must admit, I’m growing concerned that my next venture may be one both unsuccessful and catastrophic for my wellbeing.”
Stuck for what to say that wouldn’t sound rude, Shining Armor could only hope that his sister was to continue explaining whatever was worrying her. Fortunately, Twilight took the pause as a cue that he wished for her to elaborate, so she did.
“What I mean is I have no idea what to do when I arrive.” She said obviously, unaware of how belittling she sounded when she explained the erratic workings of her mind.
Ignoring the condescending tone he knew she didn’t mean to do, Shiny donned his best ‘good guy big brother’ persona. “Don’t worry Twiley; it’s not something that’s supposed to be difficult. Ask her what music she’s into, what hobbies she has, that sort of stuff. You’ll be best friends in no time, I know it.”
Cheering at his success as he saw his input had triggered her list-making face and a smile, Shiny turned to again face ahead and allowed his prior-occurring thoughts to return, thankful that Twiley could not see the goofy smile his face had again donned.
*Note: I sincerely and ashamedly apologise for this paragraph.
Or do I
