Anyneigh You Want It, That's the Neigh you Kneed It
View Online
Anyneigh You Want It, That's the Neigh you Kneed It
One day Sassaflash woke up with a splitting headache. This was on account of having had too much alcohol the night before. Thus, she got a hang over. She had a serious drinking problem, rivaling that of Berry Punch. She drank because she hated being a characterizationless background pony, and she drank because her fillyfriend Sunset Shimmer lived in another dimension. Now, I suppose you're wondering how on ~~Earth~~ Equestria Sassaflash and Sunset shimmer of all ponies got together. Well, it turns out that long ago before Sunset turned into a power-hungry bitch and left Equestria, Sassaflash and Sunset had been part of a Cloudsdale-Canterlot student pen-pal program. After Sunset had been reformed, she started writing letters to Sassaflash again, and they rekindled their friendship. Eventually, once Sunset started coming back to Equestria every so often, they even met in person, and grew closer. After Caramel broke up with her, Sassaflash drunk-wrote Sunset that they should cuddle, and Sunset is secretly a huge slut for cuddles, so they got drunk (Well, Sassaflash was already drunk by then, so she just got more drunk) and cuddled and then you know how it is when two conventionally-attractive mares start cuddling the next thing you know they started making out and the sloppy necking turned into eating each other out and the next thing you know Sunset is ramming a foot-long strapon deep into Sassaflash's erstwhile virgin asshole.
It was quite a night.
So yeah, they're in a relationship now. Probably unlike you. They're getting crazy amounts of horse pussy everytime they meet up (which is once every week or two) and you aren't. Well, I mean, I don't want to get between a man and his My Little Pony dakimakura that has a hole in it where a fleshlight goes. Maybe you are getting horse pussy, you sad fuck. But who am I to judge? I masturbate to redacted so am I really any better?
Anyway, Sassaflash was hung over, which was unfortunate because she had band practice that afternoon. Yes, Sassaflash is in a band. A Journey cover band, specifically. You think Journey is popular in the Philippines? That's nothing compared to how popular they are in Equestria. We're talking 1964 Beatlemania levels of popularity here. And why shouldn't they be. They're a damn fine band that gets an unfair amount of hate from people who hate fun pop rock. Pretentious fucks, the whole lot of them.
To make things worse, not only was the mare hung over, but then Sprinkle Medley showed up at her door. Now I know you; you're probably thinking "Who the everloving fuck is Sprinkle Medley? That sounds like a salad dish at a bougie restaurant." And you be right, it does sound like that, but it's also the name of another background pony in the show. Now, normally, Sprinkle Medley showing up at her door would be a good thing, because she's the lead singer of their band. Which is called Separate Neighs. Get it? It's a horse pun on this song:
Today however, Sprinkle Medley showing up at Sassaflash's door at 11:37 am was a bad thing, because today was the day she quit the band. I know I just made a Separate Ways pun, but she really felt it was time she and the rest of the band went their separate ways. I can't say for sure why she felt this way. I guess she just stopped believing in the band. Okay, okay, I'm done with Journey Song title references.
Actually, I lied, because Sassaflash and her fillyfriend are Worlds Apart. Okay, now I'm done.
Sassaflash dealt with this news the way she dealt with all news, which is to say she began day drinking and then drunkenly stumbled over to Twilight's Castle, into Twilight's castle's basement, into the mirror portal, and over to Sunset's house.
Sunset was at work though, delivering sushi like she always did from 11am to 5pm every Monday through Friday. Unlike you, she actually works thirty hours a week. The pay kind of sucks, but that's another story.
Sassaflash had an extra key to Sunset's loft, so she let herself in and started drinking all of Sunsets booze. Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat things, Sassaflash is an alcoholic and she needs to get help.
By the time Sunset got home, Sassaflash was drunk as a skunk. She was
EFeeling That Way
You're drenched in sweat and ennui. She's fighting the enemy, and you're fighting depression. Stuck forever in a nowhere town, you try to rise above inertia, but you only end up feeling useless. You're always feeling that way.
Super Trampoline ·
1k words
· 50
5 ·
677 views
on account of having emptied eight Pabst Blue Ribbons. She was sprawled on Sunset's couch, a box of Cheeze Its next to her.
Sunset almost dropped her groceries when she saw her girlfriend. "Sassy! I'm glad to see you, but not like this! What the fuck happened?!"
"Ugh, my lead singer quit my band. I feel horrible now, but you always make me feel better, so I wandered over here. Also you're almost out of beer."
Sunset smiled softly. "Yeah, I can see that. Well, now I come to you with Open Arms, babe. Maybe some cuddles will make things better."
As Sunset sat down beside her, the wheels in Sassaflash's head started to turn. "Hey, Sunny Buns, do you you think you could help me with something?"
"Like what, my Sassy Flashy?"
"My band needs a new lead singer now. In fact we have a gig at Berry Punch's bar this Saturday. It's a paying gig too."
"Let me guess," Sunset replied, "You want me to join you're band?"
"Oh no, I love your singing, but I know you're busy with your human life here in the the human world. I'm not asking you to give that up to sing in our crappy cover band."
"Oh, well, whatever do you want then?"
"Will you help me kidnap Steve Perry?"
Steve Perry, for those of you living under a rock, is probably the third best rock singer of all time behind Freddie Mercury and Robert Plant. His voice is high and sweet.
So the two of them traveled to San Fransiscolt and kidnapped him and forced him to sing in Separate Neighs. And as for the relationship, well Sassaflash and Sunset kept Lovin, Touchin, and Squeezin for many years.
THE END
Author's Note
