Damaged Goods

by crimsongraph

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2068

Every pony has their kinks that make them who they are, Celestia's kink just so happens to be cake.

What if the Gabby Gums photo of Celestia eating cake in obscene amounts is a conspiracy? What if Celestia is truly a cake addict?

Published 2012-08-02 22:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-02 22:14:02 UTC

Cake

Celestia sighed as she read the Gabby Gums newspaper article. In the past week, it somehow managed to get into the Canterlot elite society. Nonetheless, rumors spread like wildfire, the incriminating photo of Celestia catching their attention. Her majesty looked at it one more time, and saw herself gorging on piles of cake. What made it worse was that she could not stop herself. She heard the voices, the cake, it talked to her. It commanded her to eat cake. As she fought the voices, she lost control of her body. When she managed to snap out of herself induced trance, it was too late. She was already covered in cake, eyes panicking as she looked around, hoping no one saw her. Her fears came true, as she heard the ever so familiar click of a camera. Panic gripping her body, she quickly teleported away, back to Canterlot. More specifically, her bathtub.

Oh yes, she had remembered that day very well. Now it was back to haunt her. She had gone to many psychiatrists over the years, only to be met with the same, yet hesitant answer of physical therapy. Celestia wondered if she was truly what pony these days called chubby. She silently prodded her stomach with a hoof, only for it to sink into her belly slightly. Ok, maybe she was slightly chubby, but by no means fat. She slightly frowned, shifting in her bed to become more comfortable. The therapist all recommended physical therapy and she tried it. To her great surprise, it had worked. She felt healthier than she had in her entire life. As a famous saying goes, the road to tartarus is paved with the best of intentions.

Soon the cake cravings came back, stronger than ever. What made it worse is that the cake started begging to be eaten. Every day she went without cake, horrid nightmare entered her mind in the safety of the shadows. It was mostly the same one over and over again. The ponies she cared for, the closest ones to her, had turned into cakes. She would be forced to watch as she ate them all. No, it was not as gory as it seems. It was just cakes that had the same coloration as the ones close to her. Still upsetting, yet delicious. A knock on the door to her bedroom broke her train of thought.

"Sister, is everything alright?" The voice of Luna pierced through the ornate door. A small smile danced across Celestia's face. It was such a joy that her younger sister was back. It was nice to know that no matter what happened in this crazy world, Luna would always be there to keep her sane after the treacherous hours of sitting on her throne, listening to the rambling about banana production and whatnot.

"Everything is fine dear sister, but could you come here for a minute or two? I wish to discuss something." Celestia called back. She was going to bring up her cake eating habits, hoping from an honest answer from her sister. The doorway moved aside, as the goddess of the night slowly entered.

"What would thy wish to discuss with us?" She asked, curiosity already dancing on her tongue.

"Sister, you already know about my habits of eating cake, right?" A nod of her head gave the answer. "Well, I have been meaning to ask someone for an honest answer, and who could be more honest than my own sister? Here is my question." Anticipation hung in the air. "Am I fat?" Celestia finally said. She stared at Luna for an answer. Several tense minutes passed, before Luna decisively talked.

"Well, dear sister, you sure are not getting slimmer..." She said, her final words dragging out into silence. After giving a sigh, she looked out to the balcony.

"Luna?"

"Mmh?"

"Why does cake taste so good? Why am I a cake addict?"

"Mother must have rubbed off on you."

"I guess she did." Truth be told, Luna and Celestia's mother was a cake addict as well. She was the one who gave Celestia her first slice of cake, a vanilla flavored sponge cake topped with an assortment of sweet fruits and vegetables, coated in rich dark chocolate. Ever since then, she was a cake fanatic. Luna never got into the cake business like her sister and mother did, but still respected their decision.

"Sister?" Luna asked.

"Yes?" Celestia responded.

"There is going to be a cake fair in the Canterlot square this week." Celestia sighed.

"Luna, why would you tell me that? It's almost as if you want me to eat all the cake there." A soft smile grew on Luna's face. Celestia deadpanned at Luna, before her own mischievous smile spread onto her lips. "Would you like me to bring you anything to eat from the event?"

"A cheese cake would suffice."

"Fair enough. What would be our cover story for me eating all the cake?"

"Discord did it."

"Alrighty then. Goodnight Luna."

"Night 'Tia." A brief nuzzle occurred, as she fell into the realm of the sleeping.

-

The next morning after raising the sun, Celestia set about to the royal kitchens. Making idle conversation with her staff while keeping a merry pace to the one place where she could eat all the cake in the world. On her way, she also saw Luna staggering out of the kitchen.

“Good Morning Luna.” Celestia said, another brief nuzzle given, paying no heed to the odd limp in Luna’s walking.

“Morning ‘Tia.” Luna groggily responded. After the nuzzle, she slowly moved back to her room for a well-deserved rest. Celestia continued into the grand royal kitchen. Looking around the room, she noticed a few things were off. For one, all the cooks were now ninjas, or there were no cooks in the kitchen. Instead of the rows of cake she had for breakfast, there only stood a medium sized cake in the middle of the kitchen. It looked to be a three layered cake coated in chocolate, with what appeared to be small strawberries that lined the borders of each layer. In addition to the already tantalizing piece of pastry, there were drawings of the sun and the moon stenciled onto their respective sides of the cake. Both of the drawings were made of dark and milk chocolate, Celestia's sun made out of milk chocolate, and Luna's moon out of dark.

To the side of the cake was a simple note.

'Eat up 'Tia, I asked the cooks if I could make you breakfast, and they accepted. I tried my best, but it may not be as good as what you will see at the fair. ~ Luna.'

The note ended with a small heart sketched in blue ink. Celestia gladly accepted the act of kindness from her sister. Instead of devouring the cake like the others, she slowly cut it into pieces, and savored each and every bite. The taste of rich chocolate slithered down her throat; the strawberries that littered the cake were covered in a sort of jam that made them more delicious. Finally, the stenciled chocolate on the cake was equally delicious. She would not forget this moment soon, thinking of a way to repay her sister.

Satisfied with her small, yet delicious breakfast, she headed to the throne room. She sat and listened to the ramblings of the rich, I can't afford a new yacht, additional pylons were required and other odd request. After a couple of hours, she finally finished. Letting out a sigh of relief, she quickly told her advisors she would be visiting the cake fair this afternoon. After being told, all advisors gathered and shared a prayer for the victims that would be the cause of her visiting said event.

Having told the castle she would be gone for a few hours, she hurriedly headed out. Excitement filled her nerves, all the cake possibilities lining up in her head. She could already hear the cake call out to her. Celestia was so caught up daydreaming, she was completely oblivious to all of the ponies bowing to her. After many bows and streets later, she had arrived at the glorious place knows as the Canterlot Cake Fair. One would say you could see tears of joy emanating from our princess, or the copious amounts of drool that occasionally escaped her lips.

This was a personal heaven for her. There were cakes as far as the eye could see, she had to resist devouring all the cakes in front of her. There were small cakes, large cakes, medium cakes, and sweet cakes, cakes made out of butter, a cake tree, and all other seemingly delicious kinds of cake. She was enamored with all the cake, her taste buds doing a dance in their owner’s mouth. She stared dreamily at all the cakes in her field of view, hoping she could catch a taste of them all. To start her epic quest for cake, she walked up to the first cake booth she could find. Celestia was quickly greeted, bowed to, and offered cake. Who was she to say no to such generous offer?

-

Celestia woke up, covered in varieties of cake, and feeling sluggish all over. She looked around, hoping to see a pony and ask then what happened. To her dismay, she found the once bright fair had been reduced to shambles. There were cake splatters everywhere. Ponies lay all around the fair, covered in what appeared to be cake mix. She groggily got up, heading to a pony that cowered in fear.

“Citizen, what has happened here?” She asked, hoping for an answer. At the mentioning of the poor pony, he quickly scrambled away, screaming something along the lines of not wanting to be eaten. Celestia sighed in defeat, realizing she had once again gotten carried away in the festivities. She looked at her once regal form that was now covered in chocolates, jams, fruits, and other cake ingredients. She once again began her long walk back to Canterlot castle, ignoring the look other ponies gave her.

Something nagged at her mind, something that she had forgotten. She could not put her hoof on it, until it hit her. A piece of cheesecake had embedded itself into her now solidified mane. Now that she had Luna’s cheesecake ready, she could happily make her way back to the castle. A stray eye darted to the cheesecake, almost wanting to devour it like its brethren. Maybe a small nibble would not hurt?

-

She decided to drop the now bitten cheesecake at Luna’s bedroom door, making her way to the royal bathroom for a much needed bath. Jumping into the rather large bathtub, she idly began to paddle around the area. A slight knock on the entrance to the bathroom brought her back to focus.

“’Tia are you in there?” Luna called through the door, worry evident in her voice.

“Yes Luna, I’m here. Feel free to come in.” The door creaked open to reveal a distraught looking Luna, holding the mangled cheesecake in her magic.

“Next time, could you show a little more restraint? Do you have any idea how much ponies woke me up saying Celestia wanted to eat them?” Luna said as she slowly entered the bathtub with her sister.

“Luna, truth be told, every time I enter my little cake fits I don’t remember anything.”

“From what I heard, after you ate the first piece of cake you decided to eat all the cake. Anyone that tried to stop you was met with a worse fate, where in you decided that they would become the cake. You destroyed Canterlot square, terrified ponies, and you didn’t even get me a good piece of cheesecake.” Luna said with a sigh, slowly paddling over to her alabaster sister. Celestia frowned at the statements. It seemed unlikely that any of those would happen, but with her condition anything was possible.

“I am truly sorry for the cheesecake Luna, but it was so tantalizing! I couldn't help myself.” Celestia retorted as Luna let out a soft sigh, before embracing her sister.

“I missed your crazy antics ‘Tia.”

“I missed you do Lulu.” The warm embrace lasted for a couple of seconds, before Luna broke the silence.

“The entire Canterlot staff is still putting you on a strict diet.”