Dear diary, Today I fucked bitches and got money!
It was Tuesday morning and Bill and his two best friends Nick and Chaz(who preferred the name nunchucks) were rocking out on Their legally distinct version of rock band " Rock n' Roll time with Hulk Hogan".
Nick was fat and ugly with green hair and a red Fu Manchu and Chaz was tall and handsome with blue eyes that shone like sapphires.
Nick was on the bass, which is a stupid and gay instrument for homosexual pedofiles, Chaz was rocking the mic, and bill, who is still an earth pony was playing guitar.
The game.
"Defication is Quite a sensation, sweeping across the nation Defication," Chaz sang elegantly.
Then came Bill's guitar solo.Bill did his best but his hooves made it impossible to play guitar and they were booed offstage.
"Wow Bill you suck" said Nick.
In response Bill crushed Nick's head in his hooves. Then he turned to Chaz .
" That's it, I can handle being raped by other ponies, hunted down relentlessly by the government for being a talking horse, and even the holocaust, but nobody fucks with my video games." bill said seductively.
Just then the wall collapsed behind them exposing a portal. Out flew two Wolf squids who beat the shit out of bill and Chaz, and brought nick back to life. Then they stole his fridge and left, leaving a portal to equestria In their wake.
" Oh my good golly jeepers" said nick" a portal to equestria."
" Maybe they know how to turn me back into a human." said bill.
And they all went through the portal and into equestria so they could watch Michael j fox shake from up close.
They all landed in twilight sparkle's house.
Unfortunately Twilight Sparkle was vigorously masturbating at the time. Upon seeing this Bill's pony dick became erect knocking over a bookshelf which tragically fell and crushed a paper cup.
Oh and a blind orphan was crushed too but no one cared because orphans are losers.
"Who are you?" asked twilight.
"I'm bill remember? I know I might be hard to recognize because I'm a pony now but that's why we're here. To see if I can be transformed back into a human. This is my friend Chaz and this is Nick"
Oh my god bill how are you?"
" Bad... I'm a pony."
Twilight Sparkle ignored him and looked at Nick, then she kicked him in the sternum, stopping his heart and killing him.
"Why the hell did you do that?"
" Mexicans aren't allowed in equestria," she replied.
Just then the wall behind them collapsed and two wolf squids emerged, then they beat the shit out of Twilight Sparkle, brought Nick back to life and left.
"what the hell are those things?" asked Chaz.
"Wolf squids," she explained," they're a type of bat that dwells in the space between dimensions. They've caused a lot of trouble recently and we can't get rid of them because when we use the elements of harmony on them they evolve into wal-mart greeters, equestria doesn't have wal- mart so they end up taking jobs and now the economy is collapsing!"
" Is that why there aren't any Mexicans allowed?" asked bill.
"No everyone in equestria is just racist" she replied.
Then rainbow Dash flew by and sonicrainflashedhergenitals.
For the purposes of this story Rarity looks like the fat girl I used for my cover art. So from now on when rarity does something picture that fat girl holding a garden hose.
Just Rarity ran in and took all of her clothes off, got buttfucked by Ron Jeremy and then flew away.
"Wow that Ron Jeremy sure is sexy" said nick.
Then Twilight Soarkle killed nick for being a homo who plays bass.
Just then the wall behind them crumbled and three wolf squids emerged, brought nick back to life and left with the grace of a swan.
" Now we have to go to Canterlot and save equestria."
So they went to Canterlot.
" I'm Celestia" said Luna.
Just then Luna killed nick for being a bass player!
The wolf squids showed up and brought nick back to life but Luna killed the wolf squids with her badassery.
Then Cowlestia a cow with a horn and wings or alicow flew down from above and inhaled mustard gas with the grace of a Jew.
She then looked at nick and killed him because bass players are losers.
Then wolf squids brought him back to life.
" now you see the problem, wolf squids are ruining this country and we need to get rid of them." said Cowlestia.
" I know how to get rid of them" said nick.
Then nick pulled out a wolf squid shaped electric base, and plugged it into an amp. Then he went outside and played the electric bass equivalent of a peruvian pan flute song.
And the music was so bad that all the wolf squids left to get away from that worthless instrument for homosexual pedofiles.
And they killed nick and the wolf squids couldn't bring him back this time because the bass is for homos and everyone lived happily ever after except nick who was a bass playing homo. Also nick had cancer.
Then fat rarity who is desperate because she is fat had sex with Nick's dead body because the dick cancer kept him hard.
Then Starbird, who is awesome showed up and we all went to hungry howie's and dead nick got the high score in pizza eating because he's fat.
After that bill had sex with Twilight Sparkle and the friction from his dick opened a portal to earth that magically turned him into a human again but when he got back to earth Chaz and dead nick were ponies now but they can still play rock band because Chaz could still hold the mic and nick was a dead Pegasus and since he usually played the bass in that game, and the bass is for losers who are gay pedofiles nobody cared in the slightest.
Am I funny yet?
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I had full consent from nick to call him a homo.
