“Cap’n! Sir!” The private opened the door to the Royal Captain’s office and forgot to salute properly; that’s how much in a hurry he was. “Sergeant Poke Eye has poked his eye out with his spear!”
There was a pause.
“Again!”
And the captain squinted. “Then all of Equestria is in danger. What’s your name, Private?”
“Shining Armor, Sir! Today is my first day on duty!”
“I see. Did you abandon your post to tell me this, Private?”
“Yes, Sir!”
“Good. Come with me.”
And with him Shining Armor went.
Sergeant Poke Eye was a legend in the Royal Guard, because he was the single worst bloody Royal Guard that had ever existed. His name was Poke Eye. His cutie mark was someone poking an eye. He was unathletic, undisciplined, and exactly as smart as somepony whose special talent is to cause himself severe bodily harm.
However.
“He only has two eyes, Private.” The captain said this as the two medics dragged Sergeant Poke Eye away from his post. “Do you know what that means?”
Shining Armor thought about it. “That he’s an idiot?”
“Yes. But also.” The captain looked at Shining Armor. “Fate is like a wave, Private. Once it comes, it comes all at once. Sergeant Poke Eye was destined to poke his eye out eventually, but he only has the two, and Fate knows this. So, every time he goes all the way—it means something big is about to happen. Something fateful. Understand?”
Shining Armor did not. “Yes, Sir!” But he was a good soldier.
“I don’t like fateful things, Private. That’s how danger appears.” The captain took off his helmet and swept the sweat off his brow. “Bad things are afoot for those claimed by Destiny, and Chosen Ones are not exactly rare in Canterlot.”
Shining Armor thought of his sister. He grimaced. “I agree, Sir.”
“I must talk to Princess Celestia about this. You stand guard here.”
Shining Armor saluted. “Sir?”
And the captain pointed at the big, black door that Poke Eye had been guarding. “At the Room of Time. It cannot be left unguarded.”
Shining Armor knew this. He was a good soldier. “Sir,” he said. “I thought only Sergeants and above…?”
“Well, it is an important room,” the captain said, putting the helmet on again. “But it is mostly symbolic. Nothing really happens here—for goodness’ sake, we let Poke Eye guard it. Fate matters more.”
And Shining Armor nodded, and saluted once more. “Sir,” he said. “Thank you for the honor.”
“Thank you for your service. And welcome to the Royal Guard.” He smiled. “I’m afraid, it will only get worse from here.”
The captain went away.
Shining Armor was left alone.
As far as first days as a private went, this one had been rather nice. Guarding the Room of Time was no short honor—because as symbolic as it was, symbols were important.
Inside the room, there were two things: a dark crown, similar to Celestia’s but black instead of golden, and a giant hourglass. Rumor has it that the sand takes a thousand years to trickle down all the way; Shining Armor wasn’t sure if this was true, but he knew it had been counting down for generations.
The room was sacred, and could not be entered.
CLANK.
“Ah, dang it.”
Somepony was already inside.
Shining Armor’s eyes went wide. It had taken him minus five seconds to completely mess up his orders, so at that moment he was a bit lost—but then the face of his little sister crossed his mind, and the words of the captain:
Bad things are afoot for those chosen by Destiny.
And he made a decision.
“Halt!” He kicked the sacred door open—highly illegal, but if this was Destiny messing with him, then little Twilight might be in danger and who cares about one door—and pointed Poke Eye’s spear at the intruder, who was wearing a dark purple cloak. “Halt, in the name of the Princess! This is a sacred place! None might—”
He looked at the cloaked intruder.
The cloaked intruder looked at him.
The cloaked intruder was also Shining Armor.
“—enter,” the real Shining Armor said.
The fake Armor rose both hooves in the air. He had been touching the massive hourglass. “Okay,” he said. “Um. Those rules don’t apply to Royal Guards, right?”
Automatic response, straight out of the many hours studying at the Academy: “Only Royalty is exempt from the law.”
“Dang. Okay.” Fake Armor took a deep breath. “Okay. Look. I know this looks weird—but we can solve this! As long as you don’t do anything hasty, and as long as you listen to everything I have to say, and keep it cool, and do not punch me in the—”
“YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!”
Shining Armor was tying Fake Armor up, using the purple cloak the latter had been wearing as a rope. “Yup.”
“I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU NOT TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!”
“Yup.” Shining’s horn shimmered and he started dragging Fake Armor out of the room. “To the Dungeons with you.”
Fake Armor had now a black eye. “No!” he said, struggling against the cloak. “You don’t understand, you idiot! That dark crown is an item of Harmony! Any kind of turmoil might—”
“I’m punching you again.”
“If you do that we’re all doomed!Think of Twilight!” Fake Armor said. “You care about Twilight, right? You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to her!”
Pause. Shining Armor looked at Fake Armor. Fake Armor looked at Shining Armor.
Shining Armor punched Fake Armor in the same eye.
“ARGH! YOU MOTHER—”
“That’s for threatening Twilight.”
“FIGHTING YOURSELF COUNTS AS INNER TURMOIL! PRINCESS CELESTIA BUILT THAT CROWN SPECIFICALLY TO DETECT THAT SORT OF—”
Crack.
Shining Armor and Fake Armor cringed, at exactly the same time. They both turned to look at the dark crown on its pedestal with the same fearful expression.
The crown was neatly broken in two halves.
“—thing,” Fake Armor finished. “Oh, dang it. Oh, da—DO NOT PUNCH ME AGAIN!”
Shining Armor squinted, hoof still up in the air. “Or what.”
“OR EVERYTHING WILL GO WRONG AGAIN! Look.” Fake Armor took a deep breath. “Look. It’s been a long day for me too, okay? You need to understand this: I’m you from the future.”
Shining Armor blinked.
“You what now?”
“You! From the future!” Fake Armor frowned. “I mean, look at me! I am obviously you! What else could I be?!”
“A changeling? I mean, obviously?”
Pause.
Fake Armor frowned. “Well, shoot. That’s a good point.”
“Let me guess. Long day?”
“You don’t know the half of it.” Fake Armor shook his head. “Doesn’t matter! Look, that hourglass is enchanted, but the crown breaking in half messed up the, the time counting spell, or something. I don’t know! All I know is, if you touch it, you’ll go back in time. Are you following me?”
Shining Armor rose a hoof again.
Fake Armor cringed. “No! Look, we broke the crown because you did that, okay? If you keep doing that, it’ll all get even worse! And that’s what Destiny wants!”
That made Shining Armor stop, and put his hoof down. He knew his own voice more than anypony, and Fake Armor sounded like he was being honest. “Oh?” he asked.
“Yeah! Come on, time travel? That’s got predestination written all over it!” Fake Armor shook his head. “You’re a good soldier. I know, because I am one too. But you’re also a big brother. This is for Twilight. We need to stop Destiny from, uh. From…”
Shining Armor arched an eyebrow. “Overspilling?” he asked.
“Yeah!”
“I don’t really get it.”
“Yeah, me neither, to be honest.”
“But that sounds about right.” Shining Armor looked at the room, at the crown broken in half, at the giant hourglass. The hourglass was shimmering slightly, now that he was giving it a good look. “Somehow.”
“Yes. That’s predestination talking,” Fake Armor said. “Now, we need to act fast, before—”
“Did you just say that you two broke the crown?” a girl’s voice said.
And Fake Armor hung his head low. “—before she finds out,” he finished.
Shining Armor turned around, feeling like his heart had stopped completely. He held his breath, hoping against all odds that he had misheard…
…but he hadn’t.
Princess Cadance, the teenage niece of Princess Celestia, was standing right next to them. She was lean, and pink, and excruciatingly beautiful. She was not wearing a crown, but rather some informal clothes—a blue skirt, a purple cloak.
And she was looking at Shining and Fake Armor both, with suspicion. “Aunt Celestia made that crown herself. It’s special to her. She’s told me all about it.”
Shining Armor saluted, although he did not do it with conviction. “Your Highness!” he said. “I can explain.”
“This is not okay.” Cadance looked at Shining, at Fake Armor, at the crown again. She took a step back. “I—I must talk to Aunt Celestia about this!” She turned around and tried to run away. “I must—!”
“No!” Fake Armor yelled. “Stop her! She can’t ask for help! More ponies can’t get involved! For Twilight!”
For Twilight.
Cadance was running away. Fake Armor was screaming.
Shining Armor gulped.
And he did the only thing he could do.
“You seduced the Princess’ niece?”
“What? W—ooff. What did you want me to do?” Shining Armor dragged himself out of the Room of Time, panting, desperately in need of a shower. “You told me to stop her!”
“I did, but come on!” Fake Armor was still tied up, and obviously annoyed. “I get a punch, and she gets that?”
“What. You rather I do that to you?”
“I—uh.” Fake Armor blinked. “Huh. You know, good point. On second thought, I would not have liked that kind of thing”
“Eeeeeh, heh, heh.” Cadance was also dragging herself out of the Room of Time, also panting, smiling from ear to ear. “Heh heeeeeh. Gooood. More for meeeeee.”
Then her legs gave out and she just flopped to the ground.
Shining gulped, the slightest of blushes making it to his face. “Uh. You okay there?”
“Eeeeeeh, heh, heh. Yeeeeeees.” Cadance squirmed a lit, until she was laying face-up by Shining’s hooves, and pawed up at his face. “I’m gooooooood.”
Shining and Fake Armor stared at her, then at each other.
Fake Armor arched an eyebrow. “Dude.”
“I mean, I’ve been trapped at the Academy for five years, no mare in sight.” Shining cleared his throat with a cough, and then looked down at Cadance. “I, uh. I guess I was a bit pent up?”
Cadance giggled, drunkly. “You weeeeeere.”
“…I hope I didn’t hurt you or anything?”
“Eh, heh. Eheheheh. You did noooooooooooot.”
“Okay,” Fake Armor said. “She’s completely out of it, so that’s good. As long as you don’t go giving her the lovey-dovey eyes, nothing wrong will—” He looked at Shining Armor. “Hey!”
Shining Armor was looking down at Cadance with lovey-dovey eyes. Blush still on his face. “Hmmm.”
“Hey! Focus!”
“Hmmm?”
“This is important! Think of Twilight!”
And Shining Armor snapped back to reality, albeit rather reluctantly. “Gagh! Right! Twilight, yes.” Pause. “Wait, what does Twilight have to do with this, again?”
“Everything! This is all Destiny, remember? Something big is happening, and that might be dangerous for her!”
“Ah, right. Right, yes.” Shining Armor shook his head. “Sorry, I—eheheh. I’m a bit confused right now.”
“Gosh, me tooooo.” Cadance giggled again. “My brain is meltinnnnnnng.”
“Eheh, eheheheh.”
“Hey!” Fake Armor jumped up and down, or tried to. He was still tied up. “You two! Don’t do that!”
“Eheheh?”
“No! Shining, you idiot, she’s the Princess of Love! Her love affairs are by definition a thing of Fate! We’re trying to prevent this exact kind of thing!”
“Eeeeheheeeeh.”
Cadance rose a hoof.
“Eheh, heh. Heheh.”
And Shining—
“NO!”
Took it.
In a world where friendship reigns sovereign, love is too powerful for mortal minds to understand. The two held hooves, and True Love was found.
There was a flash of white light.
The entire Castle shook up and down.
And what was written came to be.
Once the light went away and the Castle stopped going through the single most romantic earthquake of all time, Fake and Shining Armor were left blinking, dumbfounded. Shining Armor was now completely sobered up, the light still itching in his eyes.
Cadance, on the other hand, was not.
“Eheheheeeeeh. I looove youuuuu. What was thaaaaaaat.”
“Captain! Over there!”
“Yes, your Highness!”
Shining Armor sprang up, eyes wide. “Shoot!” he said. “Shoot, shoot, shoot! I made it worse!”
“You did, you idiot!” Fake Armor barked. “Now the entire Castle is coming! Those were the Princess and the captain! They’re gonna get involved!”
“I need to save Twilight!” Shining Armor was jumping up and down, hyperventilating, looking around with desperation. “I need to save…!”
And then, he saw it. Right next in front of the broken crown. Shimmering with faint light.
The hourglass.
“I can prevent all this,” Shining Armor said. “I can prevent all this!”
“No!” Fake Armor tried to move, but he was still tied up, so he couldn’t. “No, that is the dumbest idea you can possibly—”
“I’ll fix everything before it even happens!” Shining Armor looked around. He didn’t like to be naked, but his armor pieces were all over the place. He saw the purple cloak Cadance had been wearing, however, and after judging it unisex enough, he put it on. “Don’t worry! I’m sure it will work this time!”
“NO!”
But Shining Armor didn’t listen. With a desperate face, he ran to the hourglass, and placed his hooves on it.
There was a second flash of white.
And then, he was gone.
Fake Armor slammed his head against the wall. “Dang it!” he said. “Dang it, dang it, dang it! That is exactly what I said, too!”
“Eheheheeeeeeh.” Cadance got up again. She gave Fake Armor—now Shining Armor—a knowing look, and with some effort, she flashed her horn.
Before he knew it, Shining Armor felt the cloak untying around him, and then Cadance flopped into his arms. “Whoa!” he said. “Whoa, careful!”
“Heheheeeeeh. Time travel is so complicateeeedd.”
“Uh.” Shining Armor held Cadance upwards, and looked into her eyes. They were beautiful. “You… understand what happened?”
“Yeees. Did you live through all thiiiiiiis?”
“Uh. Yeah.” Shining Armor gave her a shy smile. “It’s… a bit dumb, isn’t it? You’d think that if you know exactly what is going to happen you can prevent it, but then things happen, and you just react naturally, and it gets really hard to remember everything. Especially if you get punched so many ti—”
“Zzzzzzz.”
“Aaand you’re asleep.” Shining Armor kept hugging Cadance, who was now lying against his chest and snoring. “Wow. I did go hard on you, didn’t I?”
“Princess!” The captain made it around the corner. Princess Celestia came right behind her. “Here! It’s in here! It’s in—”
The captain stopped, and looked at Shining Armor.
Shining Armor looked at the captain.
Princess Celestia looked at Cadance.
Cadance kept on snoring.
Shining Armor was a great big brother, and an amazing lover—but he was also a good soldier. And good soldiers man up to their mistakes. “Um,” he said, feeling the steely glare of the two most powerful ponies in Equestria. “Um. Cap’n, Sir?”
The captain’s tone was dry as dust. “Private.”
“I, uh. I seem to be having some sort of.” He patted Cadance’s head. “…Illicit relationship with her Highness Princess Cadance? Sir.”
“Right.”
The silence that followed wasn’t awkward, as much as it was bloody murder made music.
The captain cleared his throat. “So of course, the big wave of fate that we sensed was—”
“Uh, it was probably me discovering that I’m Princess Cadance’s true love, Sir.”
“Right.”
Princess Celestia was looking behind Shining Armor. Her face was like ice. “Why is the moon crown broken, Private?” she asked.
Shining Armor looked at her. Then he looked down at Cadance. “Um,” he said. He had already owned up to one crime, so they couldn’t really add nothing to that particular pile. Might as well take advantage of it. “Because she… likes it rough, your Highness?”
“I built that crown to prevent a second tragedy, Private.”
“Right. She, uh. She likes it very rough. Your Highness.”
“It is supposed to detect conflict. Inner turmoil. Demons within the mind.”
“Your Highness. Please.” Shining Armor threw his pride away, pleaded, begged. “Stop making me reiterate just how nasty your niece is. Please.”
“Private.” The captain this time. “What happened to your eye?”
“My…?” Shining Armor touched his right eye on instinct, and then flinched. With all the turmoil, he’d forgotten about his bruise. “Oh. It’s, uh. It’s a hickey, Sir.”
The captain arched an eyebrow. “A hickey.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“That looks like a black eye.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I see.” Then the captain turned to Princess Celestia. “Your Highness?”
“Hmm.”
“I think his story checks out, your Highness. Princess Cadance seems to, uh. Have a distinct lack of gentleness in her private affairs, all things considered.”
“…If I may, Sir?” Shining Armor ventured, after seeing that Princess Celestia was very obviously trying to burn him alive with her stare alone. “The, um. The law applies to Royal Guards too, right, Sir?”
“Yes, Private. Only Royalty is exempt from the law.”
“Right, so, uh. You know.” He patted Cadance’s head. Cadance gave a happy little snore. “Seeing how, well, fate and so on, I am fairly sure I’m going to marry her Highness Princess Cadance? So…”
“Ah. Good point, Private.” The captain took a step to the side, and then looked at Princess Celestia with nothing but cold professionalism. “Your Highness, it seems that we lost. Fate might have defeated us. I would say Private Shining Armor cannot be punished for being unable to resist against it.” Pause. Then, he added, as if reminding Celestia: “He is but a mortal, your Highness. We all make mistakes.”
Princess Celestia wasn’t red in the face, but she sure looked like she wanted to. “Of course, Captain,” she said. “We all make mistakes. Why. I have lost count of all the impressionable fillies I have impregnated today!”
“Your Highness.”
“It is merely a trick of Fate, yes!” Celestia looked at Cadance. “Look at my niece! Full of Destiny to the brim!”
Shining Armor opened his mouth, trying to defend himself. “Your High—”
“Your Highness.” The captain glared at Shining Armor, and Shining Armor shut up. “I understand he must be punished. He broke the moon crown. But I insist: it is hard to escape the claws of Fate, Your Highness, no matter how hard we try. Terrible as it may seem. You know that.”
Princess Celestia started replying, voice still tense: “Captain—”
And then her eyes went to the moon crown, split in two within the Room of Time. The hourglass, counting down a thousand years.
She seemed to deflate, ever so slightly.
“Yes,” she said. She glared at Shining Armor, but now she looked less ready to burst, and simply trying not to explode into flames. “Yes. Fate is a terrible thing. Sometimes we can’t escape it.”
Another look at the moon crown.
Shining Armor looked at the captain. The captain signalled him to keep quiet.
Princess Celestia sighed, and looked away from the Room of Time. “No matter how hard we try.” Then, she simply flashed her horn, and Cadance disappeared from Shining Armor’s arms—and appeared on Celestia’s back, still sound asleep. “Of course, Captain,” she said. “I understand. But still. I assume Private Shining Armor abandoned his post?”
Now that his hooves were free, Shining Armor could stand up and salute, ignoring the captain’s silent glare. “Yes! Your Highness!” he said. “Sorry!”
“That is still grounds for punishment, fickle mortal or not.” Celestia snapped to the captain. “I will take care of my niece. I expect you to take care of Private Shining Armor.”
“Yes, your Highness.”
“And leave the Room of Time at once. I will take care of it myself.”
“Yes, your Highness.”
Princess Celestia left.
The captain looked at Shining Armor, and Shining Armor saluted again.
“Private.”
“Cap’n, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”
“There’s no need. You did good. I don’t know what happened here,” the captain looked around. “But strange things always happen to those claimed by Destiny. You Chosen Ones are all like that.” Then he approached Shining Armor, and patted his shoulder. “Congratulations on the obvious future wedding, Private Armor.”
“Oh. Um. Yes. Thank you, Sir.” Pause. Shining Armor swallowed. “Cap’n, Sir?”
The captain nodded. “Private.”
“I, hm.” Shining Armor dared to look behind his back, at the giant hourglass and the broken crown, at the purple cloak and Poke Eye’s spear. Then, back at the captain. “I understand I am in no position, but—”
“Private, it wasn’t my niece you deflowered. If you have something to say, say it.”
Shining Armor steeled himself. “It’s about Destiny, Sir. Is it truly impossible to fight against it? I… tried.” He gulped. “I really tried. But it didn’t do much.”
The captain arched a formal eyebrow with military precision. “I have to admit it, Private,” he said. “I was not expecting you to complain about Destiny, when all it did for you was get you to taint a Princess.”
“My little sister is Twilight Sparkle, Cap’n, Sir.”
“Oh.” And suddenly the captain’s face became stone-like, and he looked at Shining Armor with something that looked like understanding. “The Twilight Sparkle?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“The single most Chosen One kid this sorry city has ever seen?”
“Yes, Sir. And you said, bad things are afoot—”
“—For those claimed by Destiny. Yes.”
“Is there any way to avoid it?” Shining Armor was still, he was standing to attention, but all he wanted to do was take a step forward and get closer to the captain, so that he could look into his eyes better. “Is there any way to prevent Destiny from causing anything bad for my sister? Sir?”
The captain looked at Shining Armor for what felt like a very long time.
And then, once again—
He sighed.
“Private,” he said. “I am not a Chosen One. I can’t possibly know. But what I know is—Sergeant Poke Eye might be many things?” The captain smiled a little. “But he’s happy. He loves his job. He has a family. He might be here because of Destiny, but he made his life his own. I think that’s what matters.”
“Cap’n, Sir?”
The captain shrugged. “You need to take the bad with the good. Destiny claimed you, and you got in trouble, but do you think your life was ruined after today?”
Shining Armor stopped to think. His eye still hurt. He was scared for Twilight. Princess Celestia hated him.
But Cadance’s eyes had been beautiful.
“...I wouldn’t say it’s been ruined,” Shining Armor said. “The day had its ups and downs. But it wasn’t all terrible, Sir.”
The captain nodded. “Exactly. I don’t think your sister can avoid trouble, not really, if Destiny has big things in mind for her. But I do think she can be happy. If she takes the bad with the good.”
“Right.” Cadance’s eyes. Twilight’s eyes. Shining nodded. “Right. We can’t fight against Destiny, but we can try to make do with what we have, Sir?”
“I do like to think we can fight. We just don’t win often. Now. Princess Cadance is your good. You also went and showed her your filth, made her unfit for marriage, and defamed a holy place.” The captain pointed at the hourglass, the broken crown. “So that’s your bad, Private.”
“...Yes, Cap’n, Sir.”
“You’re going to be cleaning latrines for years, you surely understand.”
“…Yes, Cap’n, Sir.”
“Right. Just wanted to be clear on that. Pick up your armor, Private.” The captain clapped Shining Armor’s shoulder once more. “And welcome to the Royal Guard. I am glad to say, it will only get worse from here."
"Um."
"I know, Private. Call it Fate. It’ll be our little joke.”
Author's Note
Some of you might've noticed there's a lil' bit of a paradox here -- Future Shining Armor tells Shining how the crown broke, and then Shining goes back in time and tells his past self exactly that. So the information comes outta nowhere, it's just Shining telling himself.
This is on purpose! The show did that exact same thing in It's About Time, back in Season Two. Future Twilight tells Past Twilight where to find the time travel spell. It's a loop.
Seeing how this is a story about predestination, I chose to slip that lil' bit in, y'see. Paradoxes run in the family. They were fated to know that, and Fate--sometimes--ignores the rules to make a point.
