Dragon Ball Zeeyup!

by Tatsurou

Rating: teen
Tags: Science Fiction, Comedy, Other, Crossover, Sex, Dragon Ball Z, Profanity, Big Macintosh, Violence, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 12996

Gohan has no friends. His father has no brain. His pony brother has no vocabulary. What's a monkey boy to do? (DBZ Abridged crossover)

The planet of Chikyu is pretty odd, from an outsider perspective. There are anthromorphic sapients of every stripe and sort, the world president is a dog, its greatest warriors are alien monkeys, the average IQ (outside genius scientists or children) is somewhere below 50, and magic orbs raise the dead. How much difference would adding a pony that barely talks really make?
...quite a lot, apparently. Just ask Mr. Popo...if you dare.
-----
Dragon Ball Z Abridged crossover
Edit: Cover art by CaioCoia.
On DA: https://www.deviantart.com/caiocoia

Published 2018-09-12 01:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-06 04:51:25 UTC

At Least it's Better Than Menchi

A young boy staggered curiously along the clifftop, peeking under every bush in interest. He was dressed in a yellow and green Chinese-style outfit with 'Son' written in kanji on the front, a red cap with a spherical crystal on the top, and black shoes. He had black hair and eyes, and an innocent, curious expression on his somewhat pudgy face. There was nothing too terribly out of the ordinary about the child...except that he had a tail. This was Son Gohan, and the four year old child had no idea what fate had in store for him...or how much that would change this day. For now, he was simply a curious youngster seeking something of interest, a sparrow seeking a temporary roost.

Someone is always watching the sparrow.

A Djinn sat calmly among the plants of his garden, birds resting on his shoulders and in his outstretched hands. His pitch black skin contrasted pleasantly against his dark red vest and white pants, hi big lips stretched in a thin...ish...line across the lower half of his face. While he was plainly irritated about something, one could be forgiven for assuming the figure was a good-natured soul who wouldn't harm a fly even when pushed.

...one wouldn't survive assuming that, but one could be forgiven for doing so.

"The maggot wants what?" he demanded angrily of the bird twittering in his hand. It was quite different from the other birds adorning him, being a mix of blazing red, orange, and gold that made it look almost as though it were on fire. It proceeded to twitter irritably at him. "Yes, I called him a maggot. I don't care how strong he is over there, you know the pecking order and he's not on it." The bird let out a piercing squawk. "Don't you take that tone with me. I don't care if you are immortal, I'll make you regret it if I have to borrow the Mallard's chainsaw. Now give me one good reason why I should play a part in cleaning up his mess."

The bird offered an odd string of cheeps and whistles, and the figure staring down at him...smiled. It was a terrifying thing to witness, as it was accompanied by a sickening creak the likes of which one would expect to hear in a dilapidated house as the demons possessing it shifted a door as it barely clung to a single hinge. "Well now, that's a reason. I wouldn't say it's good as far as I'm concerned, but it's a reason. But again, why should it be my problem?"

The bird flew off, only to promptly return with a taco clutched in its talons, for some obscure reason. As the food item landed in the Djinn's hand, however, something...changed in his expression. It was difficult to define exactly how, but it sent every critter but the bird who'd brought it fleeing to the far corners of the circular platform the garden rested on. "Oh, so that's her story, is it?" he almost purred. "Well, that is the Pecking Order...but I get to choose which one."

The bird started to cheep complaint, only for the Djinn to pinch its beak between two fingers. "No, I'm done listening maggot. Go back and tell that other maggot I'll take care of one, but he'd better have that subcontract in place because I'm not foalsitting, understand?" The bird rapidly nodded. "Good. Now...bye~." The bird vanished.

The Djinn turned his eyes to the sparrow that was not a sparrow. "This should be fun," he observed calmly as he pulled a red apple out of nowhere, polished it on his vest, and threw it from the floating platform.

Gohan let out a surprised yelp as something hit him in the back of his head, sending him tumbling to the ground as his hat fell off his head. To his surprise, another yelp mirrored his. Turning, his eyes widened as he saw what had hit him.

A red equine not much larger than him was rubbing his forehead, Gohan's hat resting lightly on his brow. An orange mane and tail added contrast to his coloration, hanging down to frame his large, expressive green eyes. A large green apple adorned his flank on each side like a brand, and his oversized golden hooves denoted just how young a specimen he was. He then looked up in confusion at Gohan, tilting his head back and forth.

Gohan, for his part, crawled towards him. He'd been looking for something interesting, and this was the most fascinating thing he could have found...and he was adorable. Toddling forward, he managed to wrap his arms around the little pony's neck, managing to stabilize himself there as the pony braced himself to hold him up. They stared into each others eyes, finding a sudden, unexpected, inexplicable kinship.

"Gohan!" a voice called out, startling them both. "Where are you, Gohan?" Turning, they both saw an adult human standing on a golden cloud zipping down towards them, dressed in an orange gi. "Oh, there you are Gohan. Wow, you wandered far." Hopping off the cloud, he landed lightly on the clifftop. "But there's no time for that now. We're running late to Kame House." Pausing, he glanced up at the sun. "I...think..." He then seemed to notice the creature Gohan was clinging to. "Oh wow, you found a tiny pony!"

"Eeyup," the pony offered helpfully.

The man gasped in shock. "A talking pony! That's amazing! Can you say anything else?"

"Eeyup."

"Really? Like what?"

"...nnnope."

"So cool!" the man declared happily. "Oh, I'm Goku! And this is my son, Gohan! What's your name?"

The pony tilted his head back and forth, scratching at his chin and screwing up his lips. For some reason, he seemed to struggle to answer the question.

"Well, I'm gonna call you Big Mac," Goku concluded.

"Eeeyu-"

"Because I'm hungry."

Big Mac stared flatly at Goku as Gohan clung more tightly to him.

"Well, come on you two," Goku said as he scooped them both up as he leapt back onto the cloud. "We need to get to Kame House to see everyone...and then we can talk to Chi Chi about letting Gohan have a pet. If the answer's no, I'll be bringing home dinner!"

Gohan and Big Mac clung to Goku as the cloud zipped off towards the distant ocean.

The Djinn sat calmly in his garden, watching what had just occurred. "...well, that was unexpected," he concluded thoughtfully as he reached into a nearby bucket to consume a handful of what, for the sake of sanity, shall henceforth be described as 'popcorn'. "Still, I suppose it could have been worse."

A yellow-white dog sitting nearby sat up and began to howl a tune.

"Shut up, maggot! I'm watching my ponies!"

First Impressions

It didn't take long for Goku, Gohan, and Big Mac to reach the tiny island with the even tinier house on it. Since Goku jumped off the cloud to land in front of the open door, Gohan and Big Mac presumed that meant this was Kame House, their destination. The large sea turtle wandering around on the beach suggested the accuracy of such an assumption to Gohan, since due to his mother's obsession with seeing him 'properly educated' he already spoke three languages fluently, if infrequently as he wasn't very verbose yet, and thus knew that one of the meanings of 'Kame' was 'Turtle. Big Mac wondered if Goku had named the creature. If so, he expected it to be named 'Soup'.

...Big Mac did not have a very high opinion of Goku.

"Hey guys!" Goku called out as he approached the door.

Several figures ran out calling greetings, none of whom Gohan or Big Mac recognized.One was a tall, blue-haired female, one was a short bald monk, and one was an old man wearing sunglasses. There were other details, but neither Gohan nor Big Mac were able to focus enough to take in those details...other than the fact that all three were staring at them.

"Goku," the woman began, "I can't help but notice that five year old you're carrying. ...and the pony."

"Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children and animals," the monk observed chidingly. Apparently, he shared Big Mac's low opinion of Goku to some extent. Big Mac decided he liked him.

They all seemed rather shocked to learn that Gohan was Goku's son. Gohan chose to ignore the rest of the discussion in favor of attempting to make friends with the turtle. Big Mac chose to ignore the rest of the conversation in favor of making certain the turtle didn't eat Gohan...or, given he apparently was Goku's son, vice versa.

Goku called them back at one point, and both reluctantly came. There was apparently something of significance to the orb decorating Gohan's hat, but the discussion escaped Big Mac's grasp and Gohan's interest, as at that point he had discovered that Big Mac was strong enough to support him on his back and had climbed up there for pony rides. However, their innocent pleasure was interrupted when Goku's calm words became intense.

"Holy black on a Popo, what is that?"

Gohan didn't understand the significance of the oath, but Goku's apparent fear passed to him rapidly. Big Mac, on the other hand, instantly went tense at the mention of the name 'Popo', though he couldn't deduce why. Thinking about it, he could only assume he 'knew better', whatever that meant.

Moments later, a figure descended onto the island in unaided flight. Looking at the figure...Big Mac could only think to describe him as 'punk rocker Goku'. He looked basically like Goku but with far too much hair hanging down his back to his knees, and wearing some sort of armor, along with something over his left eye and ear that looked like it was something important that would rapidly be overshadowed and ignored. ...Big Mac began to think someone was narrating his thoughts. He didn't find fault, he just wished whoever it was made an effort to be helpful. So far, they just seemed to be making obscure jokes beyond his ability to grasp.

He seemed to be saying something to Goku - though he kept calling him 'Kakarot' for some reason - that Goku wasn't understanding. ...if Big Mac were the spiteful sort, he likely would have started mentally referring to Goku as Kakarot due to joy at associating him with decaying feces, but he wasn't any more fond of being spiteful than he was of plays on words or swearing. He did manage a smile when the figure asked, "You...hit your head as a child, didn't you?"

After a rather intense lecture, a bit more banter, and the stranger smacking the monk into the house with his tail for some reason - Big Mac could have sworn he heard a 'Ding' when that happened - and Goku proceeding to prove he had an IQ smaller than Krillin's winning streak (Big Mac wasn't sure why his thoughts - or the narrator thereof - phrased it that way, but with what Goku had said about Krillin's losing streak...), their - apparently alien - Uncle declared that he was there to recruit Goku to exterminate all life on the planet to sell it for profit.

...the logic escaped Gohan and Big Mac.

Goku attempted to politely decline. His brother promptly kicked him into the ocean.

"Daddy!" Gohan called out worriedly, racing forward as Goku washed to shore.

"I'll be taking this!" the alien declared as he grabbed Gohan by his tail, making him go limp. "Yoink!"

"Nnnope!" Big Mac snapped as he lunged forward, trying to sink his teeth in the man's tail...but only managing to get a hold of Gohan's shirt.

"And you too, I might need a snack," the figure continued, pulling Big Mac into his other arm before flying off.

Big Mac sighed ruefully, deciding not to struggle while several hundred feet over open water and traveling somewhere around the speed of sound. This did not seem the course of wisdom. Besides, he was certain an opportunity to act to protect Gohan would arise at some point.

Why was he so determined to protect Gohan, anyway? He'd literally just met him. Then again, there was that feeling of kinship-

His musing was interrupted as Gohan - slung under the alien's other arm - reached out and took his hoof in his hand. The look he was giving him...they were brothers now, and they would look out for each other. That sounded right.

Nodding to each other, they steeled themselves to not break down yet. They'd figure something out sooner or later...or someone would save them. For now, they needed to be strong.

Gohan looked up at the figure that had just kidnapped them. "So...who are you?"

"What?" the figure demanded in confusion. "Weren't you listening to my explanation to your father?"

"Eeyup," Big Mac confirmed.

"But what's your name?" Gohan pressed.

The alien came to a halt in midair, staring at Gohan. "...you mean in all that I forgot to introduce myself?" he asked in surprise. "Do you think Kakarot would have been more cooperative if I'd thought to give my name?"

"Nnnope."

"No one asked you, adorable talking pony that I did not just call adorable no matter what the scouter records say," the man insisted as he touched down next to a metal sphere with an open hatch. "Oh, and for the record, my name is Raditz."

Gohan turned to Big Mac. "Are you a fraggle, by any chance?"

Big Mac chuckled, though he wasn't sure why. "Nnnope."

"That's it, into the time-out pod," Raditz snapped as he tossed them both into the sphere before closing it on them.

Entertainment

While being inside the pod muffled any sound from within it to the outside, it in no way blocked exterior sound to the inside as anything said outside was played by speakers inside. As such, both Gohan and Big Mac clearly heard Goku's shout.

"Raditz!" Goku called as he zoomed in on a yellow cloud, accompanied by a green man. "Gimme back my son!"

"Wait, how did you know my name?" Raditz demanded as Goku leapt off the cloud to land lightly on the ground, the green man settling down under his own power.

"Huh?" Goku asked in confusion. "You introduced yourself back at Kame House."

"As your brother, yes," Raditz corrected, "but your son pointed out I never gave you my name."

Goku gasped in surprise. "Gohan talked to a stranger? He's going to be in so much trouble for that! And me for letting it happen."

"What?" Raditz demanded in surprise. "But I'm not a stranger! I'm his Uncle!"

"But he didn't know your name," Goku pointed out 'logically'. "That makes you a stranger."

"But you knew my name!"

"Well, yeah. You introduced yourself."

"But I never gave my name! He told me so!"

"And he's going to be in so much trouble for that."

"But how can you know my name when I never gave it?"

"Don't be silly, Raditz. You introduced yourself."

As Raditz began making unusual noises and facial contortions, the green man chuckled softly. "If I actually ate anything, I'd be wishing for some popcorn right about now," he mumbled, quiet enough to not be heard by Goku or Raditz, but loud enough - unintentionally - to be picked up by the pod and played on the speakers.

Big Mac decided he liked the Green Man.

"But I never gave my name!" Raditz shouted out angrily.

"But then...how did I know your name?" Goku asked in confusion.

"That's what I want to know!" Raditz screamed back.

"Don't be silly, Raditz," Goku answered happily. "We aren't a baseball team."

Raditz slowly tilted his head to one side. "Are...are you trying to cripple me with an aneurysm from sheer stupidity so you don't have to physically fight me?"

"...is it working?"

"No."

"Then I would never do that!" Goku avowed firmly. "That wouldn't be fair at all."

Raditz stared at Goku for a time. "...I'm going to enjoy strangling you with your own intestines," he growled out angrily.

"Raditz!" Goku gasped in shock. "How could you say that to your own brother? And in front of children no less?"

Raditz turned to the green man. "How do you put up with this?"

"Honestly, the only reason I'm not actively trying to kill him like I normally do is because you seem to be a more serious threat," the green man observed calmly.

"And I friended him on MySpace," Goku piped up.

"...I wasn't going to bring that up, but yes," the green man growled.

"So if I add you on Spacebook, will you help me convince him to conquer this planet, exterminate its populace, and sell it for profit?" Raditz asked hopefully.

"...tempting, but then I'd have to try and win an argument with this idiot," the green man pointed out, gesturing to Goku. "How well is that going?"

"Piccolo, we aren't arguing!" Goku pointed out happily. "We're nowhere near a clinic, and it's not even close to dinner time!" An odd grin crossed his face. "Mmm...dinner...say Raditz, where'd you put Big Mac?"

"Who?" Raditz asked in confusion.

"The pony," Goku clarified.

"Seriously?" Piccolo demanded with a frown. "You named a pony Big Mac? Why?"

"Because he could say yup and nope and had an apple on his butt," Goku replied easily.

Piccolo stared at him. "That...actually has some real thought-"

"And I was hungry."

"Ugh," Piccolo grunted. "Can we fight now?"

"I don't know," Raditz answered with a smirk. "Now that I'm not on the receiving end of it, watching someone else deal with my brother's stupidity is rather entertaining. What is this 'popcorn' you mentioned earlier?"

"Popcorn?" Goku asked excitedly. "Are we going to see a movie?"

"Shut up Kakarot, the combatants with an IQ are talking."

Gohan calmly took off his hat, reached into it, and pulled out a bag. Opening it up, he offered some fluffy white kernels to Big Mac, who happily accepted. They began to munch as they watched the discussion unfold. Given the entertainment so far, Big Mac found himself hoping Raditz survived what was to come. He was at least preferable to Goku.

"So why do you want to eradicate all life on this planet anyway?" Piccolo finally asked.

Raditz shrugged his shoulders. "It's something to do?" he allowed. "Honestly, there's not all that much entertaining I can do out in space, as much as I enjoy being out there."

"But there's tons of fun stuff to do on Earth!" Goku spoke up eagerly. "There's ball games, and food, and fighting tournaments, and camping, and food, and training, and food, and movies, and food, and food-"

"As...appealing as all that sounds," Raditz interrupted calmly, "and it really does...based on my scouter readings I'm about five or six times stronger than the two of you put together...and my immediate superior is about eight or nine times stronger than me, and the one above that 18 or 19 times stronger...and neither of them really like me all that much. Honestly, they only really put up with me because we're all together the last of the Saiyans."

"And...they're the strongest beings out there?" Piccolo asked hopefully.

"Not even close," Raditz growled irritably. "And it's not like that can change..." He paused, glancing back at the pod...and Gohan. "Huh. There's a thought." He turned back to Goku and Piccolo. "One I'll put more thought into after I kick both your asses."

"But I don't have a donkey!" Goku complained.

Raditz turned to glare at him. "You know, I would threaten to cave your skull in for that, but I don't think it would take all that much effort. It doesn't seem like there's anything inside there."

"Trust me, anything but," Piccolo pointed out in a relaxed tone of voice. "His skull is very hard."

"Well, that's frustrating," Raditz growled as he shifted into a battle stance.

And Fighting is the Boring Part

Seeing Raditz shift in stance, Piccolo reached up and grabbed his turban. "Well, it looks like diplomacy has run its course, thank goodness," he growled, tossing the turban aside where it landed with a heavy thud.

"Piccolo?" Goku asked in surprise. "You wear weighted training gear, too?"

"No Goku," Piccolo answered with heavy sarcasm in his voice as he dropped his cape, which landed with an even heavier thud. "I just love to get naked when I'm around you."

Gohan and Big Mac couldn't see Raditz' expression at this point, and for some reason the speakers started to malfunction. As a result, they weren't able to hear the rest of the conversation as Goku shed his overshirt and boots. On top of that, when they actually started to fight, their movements were too fast for Gohan or Big Mac to follow, leading to a rather uninteresting spectacle with only a few highlights...like when Raditz fired off energy blasts, leaving Piccolo minus an arm.

After that, Goku started fighting Raditz solo while Big Mac felt energy focusing within Piccolo's body. He raised an eyebrow when he saw that Raditz froze up when Goku grabbed his tail...only to exhale a frustrated groan alongside Gohan when Goku let it go and promptly got kicked in the face...especially when it then happened a second time, leaving Goku flat on his back.

While Big Mac was able to view this with equanimity, Gohan...wasn't. As Raditz proceeded to drive his foot into Goku's chest repeatedly, Gohan's face twisted into a wrathful expression and energy seemed to gather around his body. Big Mac moved as far back as he could in the pod to avoid the coming explosion as the pod itself started to crack and pull apart from the force of Gohan's rage.

"Stop beating up my Daddy!" he screamed out as he burst violently from the pod and flew headfirst right at Raditz.

"No, my space pod!" Raditz called out in shock as the pod exploded, only to collapse around his solar plexus as Gohan slammed there head first, minus his hat. "Augggh! My space armor!"

"We get it!" Piccolo called out waspishly. "You're from space!"

Big Mac clambered out of the wreckage of the pod unharmed, making his way over to where Gohan had fallen near Goku, his rage fading as he saw Goku wasn't being 'beaten up' anymore. And then Raditz was standing over a frightened Gohan with his fist raised.

"Uncle Raditz is pissed!" he roared out as he swung his fist down.

"Nnnnope!" Big Mac snapped out as he spun around between them, lifted his hind legs, and struck out at the most convenient target.

Raditz let out a pained grunt as he soared back to crash land in a nearby bush that had miraculously avoided damage until then. "My...space balls..."

"...I don't see a flamethrower anywhere..." Goku complained as he struggled to move. "Ow..."

With a groan, Raditz got to his feet. "I have no idea what he's referencing anymore...and I honestly don't care. Killing him, crushing the Namekian, eating the pony, then figuring out what to do with the brat!"

Gohan quickly moved to between Big Mac and Raditz. "Don't eat my brother!" he insisted angrily.

Raditz simply glared at the pair. "I am so done with this," he declared as he lifted one hand, energy gathering in his palm. "Double-"

"Full nelson!" Goku called out, coming up behind Raditz and getting him in said hold.

"Special Beam Cannon!" Piccolo called out, sending a spiraling beam of energy straight at the pair...just as Goku started to lean back to try and slam Raditz' head into the ground. As a result, the beam punched through Raditz' lower abdomen...and Goku's chest.

Goku fell to the ground, dead as the beam had completely destroyed several significant internal organs. Raditz fell to the ground in intense pain, doing his best to hold the wound closed. "So...much...pain!" Raditz started to gasp out. "Where's the shock when you need it?" He slumped back, struggling to just maintain breathing.

Big Mac held Gohan back as he wanted to run forward, not wanting him to see the big hole in his chest, as that would not be good for him. Others arrived at that point, and Big Mac hoped someone would take care of things so he could figure out what was going on.

To his surprise, Piccolo caused his arm to grow back through sheer force of will...and then promptly seized himself and Gohan and flew off. Big Mac wondered if this was going to become a regular thing, and if so if he should try and demand snacks or an in-flight movie...or possibly frequent flier benefits.

Author's Note

Another short chapter, but at this point I'm just desperate to write things so I don't lose my skill or go crazy with not getting anything out.

Start of Altered Time

Big Mac landed lightly on his hooves, catching Gohan on his back as Piccolo dropped them in an open grassland right in front of a large pond. He seemed to be aiming to drop them in the pond, but Big Mac had righted their landing before that happened. This apparently surprised Piccolo, based on his raised...eyebrow? He didn't actually have hair, but the muscles under his skin moved as though raising an eyebrow, so Big Mac interpreted as such.

"Alright you little human...Saiyan...thing," Piccolo began firmly. "And you pony thing. I saw what you both did back there. You both have a great deal of latent power, and seem capable of bringing it out depending on emotional impetus. That could be quite...useful."

"W...what do you mean?" Gohan asked worriedly, becoming only a little calmer as Big Mac turned his head to nuzzle him.

"I'm going to make you both my pupils!" Piccolo declared firmly. "And then...I'll use you both for my conquest of this world!"

"Nnnnope," Big Mac responded calmly.

Piccolo looked down at him. "Is that no to being a pupil, or no to conquest?"

"Nnnnope!"

"...no to being used?" Piccolo parsed.

"Eeeyup." Big Mac nodded his head firmly.

"...so you have no objection to me training you, or to conquering the world," Piccolo clarified, trying to get specifics.

"Nnnope!"

"But only if you're doing it with me, not for me," Piccolo concluded. "Is that right?"

"Eeeyup!" Big Mac doubted the three of them together could actually take over the world...but if they could, then the world deserved to have someone responsible enough to properly defend the world run it, and he could make a nice farm and feed everyone afterwards. That sounded fun. He wondered where he'd find an apple to get seeds for planting.

Piccolo rubbed his head between his antennae, after lifting his turban enough to reveal them. "And what about you, brat?" he demanded of Gohan. "Do you have objections?"

"Well, my Daddy's always going on about training, but my Mommy's always going on about being a responsible citizen and properly providing for a family and my parents when I grow up," Gohan offered thoughtfully. "Would conquering the world do that latter part?"

Piccolo's head slowly tilted to one side as he tried to parse that, having not expected such a thorough analysis from someone so young. "I...suppose?" he allowed uncertainly.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac confirmed, nodding his head. After all, 'providing for family' meant 'climbing the business ladder', and you couldn't get promoted much higher than 'ruler of the world' while still being planet based.

"Okay, Mr. Piccolo!" Gohan agreed happily. "But...what happened to Daddy? Shouldn't he be here to help my training?"

"I hate to tell you this kid, but your Dad's dead," Piccolo offered in a gruffly apologetic tone. "Wait, no I don't. I love saying that. Your dad's dead!" He laughed smugly over it.

As Gohan started to tear up, Big Mac declared, "Nnnope!" He then gestured to where Gohan's hat wasn't before drawing a circle on the ground.

Piccolo tilted his head, then grunted irritably. "Oh, right, the Dragon Balls," he growled. "They'll probably have him revived between now and the end of the year, depending on how hard they are to find this time around."

Gohan quickly calmed down. He then tapped his chin in thought. "Umm...won't intense training at my young age cause horrible muscle degeneration, and cripple me for years to come?"

Piccolo stared at Gohan, nonplussed. "You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you?"

"Actually, my parents are married, so-"

"So you're actually a wordy little son of a bitch?" Piccolo corrected. "Actually, I've met your Mom, that's definitely more accurate."

Gohan stared up at Piccolo in confusion. "Uh...are you saying my Mom's a dog-"

"Discussion's over, training time!" Piccolo interrupted.

"But...what about muscle degeneration-"

"Nnnope," Big Mac interrupted, shifting his head to tug lightly on Gohan's tail, making his entire body tense up.

"Oh, right, I'm half...Saiyan, was it?" Gohan interpreted, which Big Mac nodded confirmation to. "I'm not entirely human, so the normal rules of human biology and development probably aren't entirely accurate. And Uncle Raditz did say Dad was sent here as a baby to conquer the planet, so intense training at a young age must be good for young Saiyans-"

"NEEERRRRRRD!" Piccolo interrupted tauntingly.

"...what?"

"Anyway, it seems personal danger or danger to those you care about brings out your latent potential, so to start I'm going to throw you at that mountain," Piccolo stated as he picked Gohan up.

"Actually, that looks more like a plate-AAAAAAAUUU!" Gohan stated, the end of his sentence becoming a scream as he was sent flying at the plateau in question.

"Any second-" Piccolo began.

"Nnnope!" Big Mac interrupted as he charged forward, quickly catching up to Gohan's flight before leaping into the air, turning so Gohan could rotate to land astride him again.

Piccolo watched in awe as Big Mac hit the plateau hooves first, drilling right through it to land safely on the other side. "...whoa..." he observed in amazement.

Yes, ponies are just full of surprises, a familiar voice observed in his mind.

"Ugh..." he groaned irritably. "What do you want, Kami?"

Actually, I'm just delivering a message from Mr. Popo, Kami explained readily. A...rather grisly threat reminding what he'll do to you if you, and I quote, "Mess with mah ponies".

"...rrrright..." Piccolo allowed nervously. "But...won't that affect you, too?"

You do remember the-oh, he's about to explain it to some new trainees.

"Alright maggots, listen up!" Mr. Popo declared firmly as he glared down at the motley 'defenders of the planet' that had been gathered. He didn't consider them worthy of a title like 'Z Warriors', especially with how contrived it was just for a series title reference. "Popo's about to teach you the Pecking Order. It goes you-

-the dirt-

-the worms inside of the dirt-

-Popo's stool-

-Kami-

-the blue girl-

-then-

-Popo. Any questions?"

"Umm...yeah, I-" the bald midget began, only to scream as Popo sent him flying off the lookout without even moving.

"Enjoy the climb back up, bitch!" he called out.

"I still don't understand why she is higher in the Pecking Order than I am," Kami complained dryly.

"That's because you never put out," Popo explained readily, his ever present snarky smirk never leaving his face.

"I don't have genitalia!" Kami snapped irritably.

"Never stopped me."

What About...?

Piccolo watched calmly from his place in the sky above the wasteland he'd brought Gohan and Big Mac to for their training. Given the directive from Popo to not 'mess with his ponies', he was having to reassess his planned training method. Plainly, putting them repeatedly in life threatening danger to push the other to unlock their potential was not going to be viable. At the same time, it seemed to him that Gohan had more latent potential - or at least, more versatile combat abilities - than Big Mac did, so just boosting Big Mac by putting Gohan repeatedly into danger wouldn't give him the results he wanted. He wanted to be able to push them both to the point they could - and would - spar with each other, until they were ready to spar with him.

As he floated there, he tensed up. He felt an intense power level approaching, stronger than Raditz had been when they fought. Turning towards it, his eyes widened in shock as he saw Raditz flying towards him, the wound in his abdomen fully healed even if there was still a hole in his armor. "You..." he gasped out in shock, trying to keep him from noticing where Gohan and Big Mac were. "How did-"

Raditz quickly put a finger to his lips, startling Piccolo. Then, to his surprise, he received a notification on SpaceBook.

Friend Request from DoubleTrouble(Raditz).

Uncertain what to make of that, Piccolo accepted the friend request. He hadn't even opened the account yet. A message immediately was received.

DoubleTrouble: Respond in a message: do you know where my nephew and the pony are?

Piccolo was hesitant. However, he was also intrigued...and he knew he didn't actually stand a chance in direct confrontation with Raditz stronger than he was before and he without backup.

NotaYoshi: Why should I tell...oh god, why is that my username?
DoubleTrouble: Blame Kakarot's idiocy being a good cover. Look, I'm not asking you to tell me where they are, just if you know. It's important.

Piccolo again hesitated...until he noticed a device in Raditz hand. He was sending the messages by hand...but up until that point had done everything with the odd device on his ear. He decided to take a chance.

NotaYoshi: ...yes.

Raditz reached up, took the device off, and crushed it. "Good, now we can talk freely without my former superiors who want me dead listening in."

"Wait, what?" Piccolo demanded in confusion. "Why are you here? How are you not dead or dying? How did you get so strong so fast? And why should I trust you?"

"In order," Raditz replied, counting off on fingers. "I'm here to help you train my nephew, since I know how Saiyans get stronger. The bald midget tried to give Kakarot something he called a Senzu Bean, which was dropped because he couldn't swallow. I managed to snatch and eat it when no one was looking. Saiyans get a massive power up called a Zenkai Boost anytime they recover from being pushed near to death. And my two immediate superiors who are many times stronger than me even with this power boost are coming to this planet, and they've decided that I'm a failure and am either dead, dying, or the first to be killed when they get here, so getting myself, my nephew, and whoever else is willing to give me a chance strong enough to fight back against them is my only chance at survival. Also, breaking my scouter like that pretty much declared me a rebel, since it was broadcasting back to the higher ups...so if I'm not allowed to help I'm dead anyway."

Piccolo rapidly let that run through his mind. "Okay. Do they know you're still alive?"

"Probably not, but that's not as much of an advantage as you might think," Raditz pointed out, a worried frown on his face as he crossed his arms. "My power level was 1600. It's now 2400. When he was enraged and charged me, my nephew's power briefly jumped from 710 to 1307. While fighting me, you were 408 and Kakarot was 416. The power of your beam was 1330. My immediate superior's power is 4000. His immediate superior's power is 18,000. They're both coming here."

Piccolo gasped in shock as he heard numbers that spelled his doom. "Then...we're screwed!"

"Not entirely," Raditz explained calmly. "As I said, I know how to train a Saiyan. My nephew may only be half-Saiyan, but that high a power level that young suggests great potential for growth. If I help you train him, he should be able to get stronger faster, and we'll be able to grow stronger in the process...especially if you can get a hold of more of those Senzu Beans."

"Not happening, the only place they grow I'm not allowed to go, and they don't grow that well to begin with."

"Damn," Raditz growled, snapping his fingers in frustration. "Still, there are other options, and there seems to be plenty to eat around here. We should be able to manage with the size of this planet's moon."

"What does the moon have to do with it?" Piccolo demanded angrily.

"That will become self evident the first time it rises full," Raditz explained readily. "Until then, you probably wouldn't believe me. Now are you going to accept my help or what?"

"What reason do I have to believe you're telling the truth?" Piccolo countered angrily. "Maybe you're spinning a crazy yarn to trick me into trusting you so you can stab me in the back, kill Gohan and Big Mac, and leave the Earth defenseless!"

"If that were my goal, I could do so easily right here and now without even straining myself," Raditz pointed out flatly. "And yet I haven't."

Piccolo stared at him angrily. "...okay, that's a pretty good reason..." he allowed ruefully.

"So you'll accept my help, then?" Raditz pressed.

"If I don't, I couldn't stop you from ripping me limb from limb to draw them out and then killing me, could I?" Piccolo groused.

"No, not really," Raditz confirmed.

Piccolo spat through his teeth. "Fine." He turned back down into the valley. "Gohan and Big Mac are down there, though I won't tell you exactly where. And the next full moon is tonight."

"Oh, that timing is perfect!" Raditz purred happily. "Get them both somewhere isolated by nightfall, and I'll get things ready." Turning, he flew off to another part of the wasteland.

Piccolo frowned worriedly. "I hope I don't end up regretting this..."

Monkey Business

Big Mac sat atop the spire of rock where Piccolo had left him and Gohan before sundown. While there weren't any supplies around, Piccolo had circumspectly dropped a few apples down for food. Big Mac had promptly planted one of the seeds and encouraged it, and before long they had a full tree with plenty of apples to eat. Gohan had been amazed and began peppering Big Mac with questions about how he did it, though being careful to coach each one as a yes or no question, as that was all Big Mac was able to say at this point. All he knew for sure was that Gohan had one type of energy to draw on inside him, while Piccolo had two...though the second one seemed mostly untapped. Big Mac only had the second type, however, which he'd used to encourage the growth of the tree. Unfortunately, he had no way with just 'yes' and 'no' answers to explain that to Gohan.

As the moon rose, Gohan became less and less verbose...and Big Mac began to cast him worried looks as energy began flowing into him from the moon as he gazed upon it. He could feel the moon energy being converted inside Gohan somehow, and his body beginning to overflow with the energy. As he started to expand, Big Mac quickly pushed him off the edge of the plateau they were on so he wouldn't damage the tree...or him.

Gohan expanded into the form of a giant monkey, and roared as he reached full size, towering over the pillar of rock. Turning towards Big Mac, he let out a bestial roar...which cut off as Big Mac tossed an apple into his mouth from the tree. Gohan paused, his mouth snapping shut as he rolled the apple around in his mouth once it was crushed by his shut jaws...and sat down to clap his hands over his head before opening his mouth for the next one. Big Mac was happy to oblige.

Alright, Raditz, Raditz thought to himself as he gazed up at the moon and began to change. Time to go tame the brat once he turns into the Oozaru, and hope he has enough of a mind to be taught how to control it. He's a child, so that should be easy...but he's only half-Saiyan. He might be fully instinctive. Best to keep the collateral damage to a minimum, if only to convince the Namekian that I'm actually on his side. Once he'd fully transformed, his armor having stretched with him, he turned to look for Gohan...and saw him sitting before a plateau, peaceful as could be.

"Okay...that's unexpected," he spoke as he walked over, his voice much deeper and more gravelly in this form. "Still, it's helpful if you're already in control-"

Gohan turned and roared at him, only for the roar to cut off as the pony tossed something into his mouth. He still glowered at Raditz, but didn't roar again.

"Got him tamed already, have you?" Raditz observed in amusement as he crouched down next to the plateau so he could look at the pony. "How did you manage that-" His words were cut off as the pony tossed something from the tree into his mouth. He pressed it against his teeth with his tongue... "Okay, whatever that is, I want more!" Raditz insisted as he leaned forward. "And I want to try it when I'm not an Oozaru so I can savor it."

"He made an apple tree sprout from a seed in a few seconds," Piccolo pointed out as he floated down. "So...this is what you were telling me about? Can all Saiyans do this?"

"Yes, they can," Raditz confirmed. "Well, as long as they have their tails, anyway. Moon's of a certain size and reflective properties create Blutz Waves when reflecting sunlight, which enter through the optical cortex to travel down to the tail. If the effect is strong enough, it triggers the transformation."

"So...cut off the tail or blow up the Moon to reverse it?" Piccolo clarified.

"Basically, yes," Raditz confirmed. "But for now, I want to see if I can teach Gohan to be in control of himself when he's like this." He turned to face the other giant monkey. "Gohan, this is Uncle Raditz. Do you understand me?"

Gohan glowered at Raditz, but did not respond.

Raditz sighed irritably. "This is going to be difficult..."

"Is it really worth it?" Piccolo asked.

"The transformation multiplies our power level by a factor of 10," Raditz pointed out. "And the strain of combat at this level is proportionate when we change back. Push ourselves hard enough while in this form, and when we recover after changing back we might get another Zenkai Boost. That's the sort of thing that will greatly accelerate how fast we can grow stronger."

"So you need him to fight you?" Piccolo clarified. "Preferably without leveling the countryside?"

"Precisely," Raditz confirmed. "Now how to get it started?"

"Hey Gohan!" Piccolo yelled out. Gohan immediately turned to face him. He pointed at Raditz. "Sparring partner! Loser doesn't get any more apples from Big Mac!"

With a fierce roar, Gohan flung himself at Raditz with fists bared, delivering a solid haymaker that made Raditz stagger back since he hadn't expected it.

"Now that's more like it!" Raditz called out as he caught the next punch before using his tail to sweep Gohan's legs out from under him. "Fight me as hard as you can, and learn to think it through!"

Piccolo settled down next to Big Mac. "So...do you think this is going to work?"

"Eeyup."

"Any idea how to make it work better?"

"Eeyup."

"Got something better than apples to offer?"

"Eeyup."

"Does it grow on trees?"

"Nnnnope!"

"Does it involve apples?"

"Eeyup!"

"Gonna bake apple pies?"

"Eeyup!"

"Need me to make an oven?"

"Nnnope!"

"Need me to get spices?"

"Hmmm...nnnope!"

"Need me to get seeds so you can grow spices?"

"Eeeyup!"

"I can find those. You good staying here under Raditz' watch while they spar?"

"Eeeyup!"

"Can you get Gohan back in line if he goes out of control?"

"Eeeyup!"

"Can you contain him by super growing some vines if he starts to lose it?"

Big Mac shrugged.

"You'll figure something out?"

"Eeeyup!"

"Good enough for me. Shouldn't be gone long." With that, Piccolo flew off to get some spice plants for Big Mac to tend. "Who would have thought cooking would be training?"

Author's Note

New art by Caio Coia. Check him out, and maybe commission something.

Setting Up Shop

Piccolo was quick to return with seeds for spice growing, and was surprised to find that Big Mac had already constructed an oven at the top of the plateau he'd grown the tree on, as well as clearing space for a full garden for the spices. In the distance, he could see several other plateaus having been knocked over, collapsed, or punched through to be turned into arches as a result of Raditz and Gohan sparring.

"That's it, Gohan!" Raditz roared out as he ducked a punch, countering with one to the younger ape's gut. "Feel what it is to move with this mass! Know that you're more than strong and fast enough to handle it!" Gohan roared something back as he sank to all fours and charged. "Saiyans are designed to adapt to any environment and thrive! Physics has no place here!"

"Can...he actually understand him?" Piccolo asked Big Mac in surprise.

"Nnnnope," Big Mac replied as he took the seeds and began to plant them.

"Then how does he know how Gohan would reply well enough to respond?" Big Mac shrugged in response. "He's just making it up as he goes along?"

"Eeeyup." Big Mac stepped back and poured his energy into the small plot of earth where he'd planted the seeds. Before long wheat, a cinnamon tree, and various other sources of herbs and spices sprang out of the dirt, rapidly growing to full growth. He then stepped forward and began harvesting.

Not sure what else to do at this point, Piccolo settled down in the air near the pony as he worked. "Can I help?" he asked curiously.

"Eeeyup." Picking up a rock, Big Mac drove one hoof into the side with a loud crack. Pulling out a segment, he handed the crudely shaped mortar and pestle over to Piccolo before pushing the harvested cinnamon bark his way.

"Okay, I can manage that," Piccolo allowed as he started grinding, directing some of his ki into the plant matter to encourage it. He was surprised to discover just how naturally that came as he worked. After a time, he glanced back up to where the two apes were trading blows...just in time to see Gohan grab hold of Raditz' tail and begin flipping him like a flapjack. "Heh, kids got spunk."

"Nnnope."

"Right, the tail weakness," Piccolo murmured ruefully as Raditz broke free by using a ki blast to reverse his movement when Gohan didn't expect it, only to flip back over Gohan and return the treatment until Gohan used an energy blast from his mouth to break the hold. "Hope that's constant through the whole race...but from the looks of things, these two are already adapting to it. If the other two are so much stronger, they're probably just as adapted to it."

"...eeeyup..."

Glancing over, Piccolo saw the pony looking up at him with big, soulful eyes. "You're worried about our chances, aren't you?"

"Eeeyup."

Reaching over, he tousled the colt's mane. "Don't worry so much," he replied, awkwardly attempting a gentler approach than what was comfortable to him as he remembered the threat Mr. Popo had hanging over his head. "I'm sure we'll come up with something. And you never know, we might just get strong enough to fight back."

Big Mac said nothing as he mixed several ingredients together before putting the mix into his makeshift oven. Pressing his forehooves against it, he filled it with energy as the mixture inside rapidly cooked to perfection. Reaching inside, he pulled out the freshly baked pie.

As Piccolo's nose caught the scent, he found his mouth watering despite not actually needing to eat. "Then again, if Goku's obsession with food is indicative of his race, maybe you can win their stomachs over to switching sides...well, if that tastes anywhere near as good as it smells."

Big Mac shook his head, but a smile crossed his face as he set the pie aside to cool.

"You don't think that will work?" Piccolo asked in surprise.

"Not likely," Raditz growled as he tackled Gohan to the ground next to the plateau, the pair having shifted to wrestling rather than energy blasts or traded blows. "The ones higher up the chain aren't Saiyans, and neither of the other Saiyans are likely to throw in with what they see as the 'losing side' without compelling reason, and a pie isn't going to cut it." As Gohan knocked him off, he got to his feet and grappled. "Only reason I'm helping is because my only other option at this point is whose hands I die at."

"Eeeyup," Big Mac allowed sadly as he started another mix, splitting apples with light touches to prepare them. He hoofed a segment over to Piccolo.

"So maybe a pie won't cut it," Piccolo allowed as he took the piece of apple. "Maybe a dish more to their tastes will do. Don't suppose you know how to make jambalaya?"

"Nnnope!" Big Mac replied, not sure why he was smiling.

Piccolo chuckled, glad to see the pony perking up. "Well, we'll find something." Smirking, he took a bite of the apple slice...and felt his energy replenishing. It wasn't quite as strong as a Senzu bean, but the energy it had taken to regrow his arm was now completely replenished. It wasn't filling like a Senzu was, but the energy replenishment was easily on par. And if that was one bite unprepared...

"Hmm?" Big Mac pressed, tilting his head curiously as Piccolo stared at the made pie. As it was cool enough, he cut a slice for the green being.

Taking the slice, Piccolo took a bite...and stared at the pastry in amazement. "This...is a pie?" he asked in surprise.

"Eee...yup?"

Piccolo, what did you just eat? Kami pressed from in his mind. I felt my energy replenishing through our bond, and even Senzus don't do that!

Big Mac calls it a pie, Piccolo thought back, staring at the pastry in awe. I call it our edge.

I call it what I'll sic Mr. Popo on you for if I don't get a slice.

Morning After

The battle between the two giant apes continued on for as long as the moon was in the sky, and only when it left and the first rays of the sun started to tint the sky did the battle come to a close, and then all at once. As soon as the last light of the moon left his eyes, Gohan went still as he began to shrink in on himself, slumping over onto his stomach as he rapidly shrank back down to his normal size...though without any clothes. Raditz also shrank down, but he was able to keep himself upright and his armor shrank with him. As he braced himself against the plateau, he turned to stare at the shattered left shoulder plate of the armor, the bite torn out of the torso, and the cracks in several places over the chest. "Kid really did a number on this," he murmured in awe, running a hand over it and wincing, both from bruises on his ribs and from flakes of metal falling away. "Don't suppose there's anyone on this backwater planet who could possibly fix this?" he asked, not really considering the possibility seriously..

"One of Goku's friends is really good with technology," Piccolo pointed out dryly as he floated down, Big Mac on his back and pies in his hands. "If it's that important, I can probably get the armor to her to give it a look."

"Probably best to do it before it gets too damaged," Raditz allowed as he pulled the armor off, leaving himself in just a black speedo of similar material. His eyes widened as he saw the damage from the outside. "Though if it can be fixed from this, she'll be a real marvel."

"We'll see," Piccolo said as he took the armor while Big Mac began cutting the pies up to serve.

"If she can figure out how to fix it, it'd help to get one in my nephew's size," Raditz pointed out. "The armor's designed to grow with the wearer, as you noticed, and if nothing else it'll keep him decent." Taking the slice of pie Big Mac gave him, Raditz took a bite...then widened his eyes as he ran a hand over his chest where bruises were already rapidly fading. "...that works better than even the healing tanks!" he marveled. "And it tastes great!" He quickly devoured the rest of his slice.

Chuckling softly, Big Mac cut the rest of that pie up, ready to serve Gohan once he awoke as he was already stirring. He handed the other pie to Piccolo and gestured from his antennae to an obscure direction.

Piccolo took the pie. "This one for Kami?" he asked the pony quietly.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac confirmed.

"Well, that ought to make getting the armor fixed a little easier," he murmured as he picked up the armor. "Keep things under control with these two hellions while I'm gone?"

Raditz snorted derisively. "I think I can handle a couple of brats-"

"I wasn't talking to you," Piccolo interrupted with a smirk as he flew off.

As Piccolo approached Kami's lookout, he frowned at the sight that greeted him. While the top of the lookout was mostly empty, Mr. Popo stood in the middle of it talking to a pair of individuals Piccolo didn't recognize. Both were roughly humanoid in appearance - at least from this distance - though one was grey while the other was blue. Uh...Kami? Does Mr. Popo have...guests? he thought silently to his...would Kami be his brother, Uncle, or other self? He was never quite sure how to define that, and he didn't really interact enough with the Guardian for it to be important, save at these odd moments when his mind was stalled and it rose to his thoughts.

He does, Kami thought back ruefully. You might want to delay your approach. They are...a handful.

Wish I could, but the pie is getting cold-

Before Piccolo finished the thought, he was suddenly on the lookout next to Mr. Popo. "About time," Mr. Popo stated flatly as he took the pie, cutting it into pieces.

"Hi young green man!" the blue girl greeted happily with a wave. "Are you a friend of Mr. Pope's?"

"Uh...not exactly..." Piccolo allowed, unsure how to handle being around someone that Mr. Popo let get his name wrong.

"I think that's the son of the older guy's other half," the older grey skinned man said, pointing to Kami. "I can kinda see a family resemblance."

"Ooooh! That makes sense!" the blue girl declared with a wide grin, her tail swishing back and forth as her ears twitched back and forth.

It was only at this point that Piccolo noticed the girl was apparently feline.

"So what brings you here, hmm?" Mr. Popo asked the blue girl. "You don't normally bring company when I call."

"Oh, I wanted you to meet my boyfriend!" the blue girl declared excitedly, pulling the grey man forward. "And he was able to help me make the gateway out of tacos!"

"Hello," the grey man greeted nervously, nervously running one hand through his graying black hair while waving with the other. "I've...heard a lot about you, Mr. Popo."

As Mr. Popo stared into the grey man's soul, Piccolo glanced over his shoulder to see a hole in the sky surrounded by what looked like seven white stars. ...tacos? he thought to Kami.

Trust me, Piccolo, you really don't want to know.

"That training is brutal!" Krillin suddenly spoke up as he stepped out onto the lookout. "I could really go for a snack-ooh, pie!" Not noticing those surrounding it, he immediately started to reach for a slice.

The blue girl was immediately in front of him, staring into his eyes as her own narrowed to slits.

"Uh...can I have some-" he began.

"Pecking order!" she suddenly hissed. She then jerked upright with a happy smile on her face as she backhanded him across the platform. Somewhere, something went "Ding!" as he crashed into a pillar.

"I...guess that's a no..." Krillin groaned.

Mr. Popo's frown creaked into a smile. "That's my girl."

"Oh, that reminds me!" the blue girl suddenly declared. "We found Mom, and we have a new Dad! My boyfriend works for him!"

Mr. Popo turned back to the grey man. "Tell me...what do you think I'll do to you if you hurt her?" he asked calmly.

"You mean assuming if there's anything left after her, her sisters, her Mom, her Aunt, and my Boss get through with me?" the grey man asked playfully with a nervous grin on his face. "I would say probably something unspeakable that I couldn't possibly imagine...but that kinda makes me curious, so I'll stick to unspeakable."

Mr. Popo's grin widened. "I like you," he stated, a purr barely noticeable in his voice.

"Somehow that makes me more nervous than if you didn't," the grey man observed worriedly.

"Looks like you picked a smart one, blue girl!" Mr. Popo called over his shoulder with a grin.

Groaning and rubbing his head, Piccolo turned to where Krillin was half buried under the pillar he'd smashed into. "Can you get me in contact with your smart friend?" he asked ruefully. "I need some space armor repaired, and a fresh set if she can make one."

"What's so great about space armor?" Krillin groaned from under the pillar.

"It changes shape and size with the wearer somehow, even going multiple stories tall."

Krillin was silent for a time. "Oh Kami, we're all going to die, aren't we?"

"Hopefully not," Kami observed dryly.

"Most of you," Mr. Popo added with a grin.

Author's Note

Second half of the chapter inspired by the pic from Caio Coia that I posted a few chapters ago. I just had to write the scene out!

Hot Stuff

It was several hours later - all the way into the next day, in fact - that Piccolo made his way back to the valley where he'd left Raditz, Gohan, and Big Mac. He didn't like leaving them to their own devices for that long, but it had taken a surprising amount of time for Bulma to explain the workings of the armor to him in a way he could utilize. She had started by trying to explain chemical formulae, but that had gone right over Piccolo's head. Comparative fabric analyses hadn't worked out as neither of them actually knew that much about different fabrics beyond "what feels good". It was only early that morning when Bulma had asked why it was so important that Piccolo had explained his plan to use his 'metro attack' to give Gohan and Raditz outfits that would work like the armor...at which point Bulma had suggested using the attack on part of the armor before putting it into reverse and using that to figure out how to make clothing like the armor using the attack. Piccolo had considered the notion completely absurd, but rather than deal with a cranky Bulma he'd tried it.

...just because it had worked in no way made it any less absurd...

Coming into the valley, Piccolo noticed that it was much closer to its original configuration than when he'd left, with many of the plateaus, lakes, and rolling hills restored despite them having been rather thoroughly leveled by Raditz and Gohan's initial sparring. Oddly, each plateau was surrounded by circles of rubble, as though they had recently come erupting out of the earth. "I didn't think this place was geologically active-"

As he spoke, one of the plateaus some distance away began exploding as two figures smashed repeatedly through it, one of them hurling energy blasts. Before long, it was reduced to a pile of rubble...only for the rubble to shake and sink into the ground as though it were liquid before a new plateau erupted from the ground like the tooth of a giant before coming to a halt at its exact former height. "Nice one, Big Mac!" Raditz could be heard calling out. "You're getting faster and more accurate at that, so your power must be growing!"

"Eee...eeeyup..." Big Mac panted as Piccolo approached, looking rather sweat soaked and out of breath.

"I think he's pushed himself too far," Gohan pointed out as he ran over to tend to his equine brother. "I'm pretty tired too, Uncle Raditz."

"Alright, time for a break then," Raditz allowed as he walked over. As both Gohan and Big Mac collapsed to the ground, he noticed Piccolo. "Well there you are. I take it repairing the armor is going to take a while?"

"It would if Bulma were doing all the work," Piccolo allowed. "But we found a loophole." He glanced Gohan's way. "Speaking of, he really shouldn't be running around naked."

"Why?" Raditz asked in confusion. Big Mac also tilted his head uncertainly.

Piccolo shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. It's a human thing. They don't go naked."

"Well, it's not like we have any-"

"Clothes Beam!" Piccolo declared as he pointed two fingers at Gohan. Energy lashed from his fingertips to surround Gohan's body. It wavered over him for a time like a heat mirage, then settled into the form of a blue undershirt and red gi. Piccolo lifted his hand. "...yup, still my most metro attack."

"Eeyup," Big Mac confirmed, looking over Gohan with a smirk.

"So you can make clothing," Raditz observed thoughtfully. "I don't see how-"

"That outfit has the exact same properties as your space armor without looking like it," Piccolo pointed out. "Same defensive properties, same resizing effect, and if it does take damage like the armor did I can remake it at will."

"Well that's several advantages I can see!" Raditz purred eagerly. "I don't care how 'metro' that attack is - or what that even means - I can definitely see some creative uses for it."

Piccolo stared at him for a time. "Huh. Good to know. So why's Big Mac so winded?"

"It's his workout," Raditz explained. "Apparently, making the stuff for the pies grow properly involves the energy flows of the valley, so Gohan and I are careful not to damage any of the features that affect that. Anything else we break, Big Mac exercises his energy by repairing it. No idea how he does it."

"Huh, guess he uses magic, then," Piccolo observed thoughtfully. "Interesting. I can probably teach him a few offensive techniques for that."

"Magic?" Raditz asked in surprise.

"It's like ki, but different," Piccolo explained vaguely. "Not everyone can use it naturally. Also follows different rules, and can exploit some different vulnerabilities. Don't really know the terms to explain it better than that, but one example..." He pointed his fingers towards Raditz.

"Wait!" Raditz interrupted. "If you can really make armor that looks like any clothing...any chance I could look at other clothing styles and pick a different look?"

Piccolo gave Raditz a flat eyed glare. "...fine," he allowed finally. "But where am I supposed to take a naked man, a child, and a talking pony to look at clothes that won't cause a ruckus?"

"Maybe that place I found Kakarot at?" Raditz suggested thoughtfully. "At the very least I can apologize for damaging it."

Piccolo frowned thoughtfully. "Well, I suppose..." His eyes widened as he thought about what sort of fashions would be available to look at at Kame House, and a grin crossed his face. "That could be an excellent source of designs..."

"I am already regretting this," Raditz murmured as he picked up Gohan while Piccolo picked up Big Mac.

The sun was somewhat high in the sky as the group came down for a landing on the little island where Kame House was located. As Piccolo set Big Mac down, however, they received a greeting none of them expected.

"YOU!"

All four of them jumped and spun to face the source of that ferocious voice. A blonde haired, green eyed woman in a pink spaghetti strap top, dark pants, and with a red ribbon in her hair stomped angrily towards Raditz before aiming a machine gun at his crotch. "Put the kid down, now!" she snapped out.

"Yes ma'am!" Raditz responded immediately, quickly putting Gohan down and - without knowing why - putting his hands over his head. While he would normally never let a mere human intimidate him this much - he was a mighty Saiyan after all, whatever his class - the sheer force of this one's personality and the current trajectory of her weapon had convinced him that discretion in this case was definitely the better part of valor.

...now if only the speedo he was wearing continued to do a good job hiding the other side of his reaction to being barely clad in the presence of a woman with such a forceful personality who had him cowed, especially with the fact she was bending forward-

A second gun was suddenly leveled right between his eyes. "Eyes where they belong, crap basket!" she snapped angrily. "I don't care what the tastes of the old man are, but this is not that sort of establishment, I am not that kind of woman, and you are in for a world of hurt if you came looking for that and brought a kidnapped child-"

"What sort of establishment?" Raditz gasped out, doing his best to keep either of his emotional reactions from his voice. "I just came looking for some clothes!"

The woman paused in her rant, staring at him as her head tilted. "Ex...cuse me?" she demanded flatly.

"My armor got destroyed, but Piccolo can make clothing with its properties, and I wanted options on looks!" Raditz stated quickly.

The woman withdrew her guns slowly, a frown on her face. "And you came...here?" she asked in disbelief.

"I'm trying to keep a low profile until our training's finished and we've dealt with the next threat coming here in a year's time," Raditz explained firmly. He then gestured from himself to Piccolo, and then to Big Mac and Gohan. "What are my other options?"

The woman glared at him for a time. "...fair enough," she allowed finally, lowering her weapons.

Raditz let out a sigh. "Well, that's a reli-YIPE!" His hands went to his brow where the woman had just put a bullet right between his eyes. Wincing, he pulled it back to look at the sharp point of the round, a different color than the rest, and felt the tiny drop of blood where his eyebrows met just above the bridge of his nose.

"That was for kidnapping him in the first place," the woman stated angrily before frowning at the minimal damage. "Dang, even armor piercing rounds don't do much..."

Raditz couldn't help it. He found himself grinning from ear to ear. "So, care to show me around to what my clothing options are?" He looked her up and down with a smirk, making sure his eyes didn't linger anywhere for too long. "Somehow I doubt I could pull this look off as well as you do."

The woman sputtered as she tried to suppress a snort of laughter. "Might be funny to see you like that...not that the view's problematic."

Raditz let his grin soften into what he hoped was a rakish smile. "Raditz," he greeted formally, holding out a hand.

"Launch," the woman replied, punching him on the arm hard enough he actually winced, though more from surprise than pain. Her eyes briefly roved over his chest. "So you didn't come looking for...that, then?" she asked a trifle ruefully, though her voice still full of aggression.

As Raditz finally put together what she had been talking about before, he resisted the urge to facepalm. "No, definitely not, especially not with a couple of kids along," he insisted firmly. He then let his eyes rove, but not as much as hers were. "Though now I know you're here, I might come alone next time." He gave her a playful wink.

Launch let out a bark of laughter. "You've got balls. I like that." As Raditz grinned and started to reach towards her, the gun came up again. "Don't make me shoot them off. I might have use for them later."

"I'll behave!" Raditz promised hurriedly as they went inside.

Piccolo blinked several times, tilting his head. "Well...that happened..."

"...eeeyup..."

New Developments

As soon as Piccolo had directions from Krillin on where to find the smart one - Bulma, apparently - he left the Lookout with all respectable speed...that is, the speed that still showed proper respect to those on the Lookout, and did not draw undue attention to his hasty departure. The last thing he wanted to do was draw more attention from Mr. Popo or his guests. It had taken a bit for Piccolo to realize it, but when the "blue girl" had moved to strike Krillin, she hadn't actually moved to do so. One moment, she was next to the grey man, the next she was in front of Krillin, and not even a shift of air currents to signify the shift. Even Mr. Popo on his carpet caused a brief displacement. It was almost as if the air itself was afraid to give away her movement.

...he decided not to think about that further.

It wasn't long before the Briefs residence came into view. The large dome-shaped structure was...large and dome shaped. Piccolo wasn't much of one for architecture aside from castles, and this building did not strike him as that sort of structure. A quick sweep with his ki and he was able to find someone whose aura had been frequently touched by Goku's ki signature, as well as quite recently. Hoping that was the right person - especially since they were alone - he moved in to greet them...

...only to find himself face to muzzle with a firearm of some sort. "Where's Gohan?" the blue-haired woman behind the gun demanded angrily.

Piccolo frowned as he glanced around the weapon at the woman standing there, dressed in a plain purple jumpsuit. "If that thing's high enough caliber to actually damage me, the recoil will still do more damage to you than the gun will to me," he pointed out dryly.

The woman - Bulma, presumably, if the lettering on her jacket were to be believed - snorted derisively. "You really think I'd point a gun like this if I hadn't tweaked it to disperse the recoil?"

"In that case, you'd do more damage to Kami than me," Piccolo corrected dryly.

Bulma frowned as she lowered the gun. "Aiming at your head, yeah..." She reangled the gun to point between his legs. "Where's Gohan?"

Piccolo glanced down at the gun, then back up at her. "What are you aiming at, exactly? There's nothing vital there..."

Bulma blinked a few times. "...oh." Sighing, she lowered the gun. "What do you want?"

Piccolo handed over the damaged remnants of Raditz' space armor. "Can you analyze this and figure out how it's made, and how to make more?"

Frowning, Bulma picked it up and examined it. "This is Raditz' armor?" she clarified as she looked it over. When Piccolo nodded, her frown deepened. "There are new marks on here that weren't there from his fight with you and Goku...and are these teeth marks?" She gingerly touched the damaged shoulder pauldron.

"Yes and yes," Piccolo confirmed.

"And why should I try and fix it up?" she demanded coldly.

"Training gear," Piccolo explained calmly. "Just last night I saw it stretch on its wearer to accommodate an expansion to a five story frame and shrink back down, neither process damaging the material in any way."

Bulma's eyes went wide as she looked at the armor closely before pulling it under a few scopes and analyzers. "Well, I can see how that can be useful, and this does look pretty durable..."

"Can I also get one in child size?" Piccolo asked curiously.

Bulma froze. "...you're getting Raditz to help you train Gohan?" she demanded in shock.

"Given what he's told me about his 'superiors' coming in a year, someone who knows how to train a Saiyan is my best bet for survival," he allowed ruefully. "Besides, apparently Saiyans get a massive power boost every time they almost die...or train to exhaustion under the light of a full moon."

Bulma tapped her chin in thought. "You know...that explains a lot about Goku..."

"Tell me about it," Piccolo groused. "So, how long until you've got it analyzed?"

"Oh, I'll figure out how the material works to hold integrity while stretching in an hour or so," Bulma allowed readily. "If you want me to duplicate it? Take me a year, maybe two."

Piccolo frowned irritably as he crossed his arms. "We don't have that long," he grumbled.

"Tell me about it," Bulma allowed. "Still need to take time to find the Dragonballs, too."

"...how long to explain how it works to me in a way I can conceptualize?" Piccolo asked after a time as a thought crossed his mind. He did have that rather metro attack of his...

As Bulma got to work, he found himself wondering how Big Mac was doing keeping the monkeys in line...

Big Mac watched calmly as Raditz and Gohan sparred. To be fair, it wasn't exactly graceful sparring. At this point it was mostly Raditz launching energy attacks while Gohan tried to tank them before charging in to punch, kick, or bite. He felt the boy should really be trying to avoid taking hits rather than toughening up to take them, but Raditz seemed good at scaling his blasts to be just enough to knock Gohan around without seriously injuring him.

However, Big Mac had other concerns. The damage their 'great ape' brawl had done to the valley had thrown off the geomantic energies that fed his little orchard, and keeping that intact was key to their entire strategy. As such, something had to be done about it. The biggest shift was from a plateau that the brawl had leveled some distance away from the orchard. If he restored that, it should allow the energies to self-correct to a certain extent, and he'd see what he needed to do beyond that.

Going up to the edge of where the plateau once stood, he stomped what rubble there was flat to the ground as he paced out its dimensions, imbuing his energy into the earth in preparation for what he was about to do. Once the pattern was paced out, he took a few steps back before rearing up on his hind legs and slamming his forehooves into the ground with more than just physical might.

He felt the energy erupt out of him and into the earth...and felt the Earth's energy leap back in response as a new plateau erupted out of the plain, shooting up to its old height as as much of the stone from the original was incorporated into the new as possible. Sighing in relief - and exhaustion - Big Mac turned to make his way back to the orchard...only to find Raditz and Gohan staring at him.

"That was amazing, Big Mac!" Gohan marveled, grinning from ear to ear.

"Quite impressive," Raditz agreed, nodding to himself. "Seems to be a work out for you as well." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully...and then grinned. "Can you do it again?" He aimed his hand at the plateau.

Before he could even think about what he was doing, Big Mac had Raditz by the tail in his jaw and flipped him to the ground. "Nerp!" he growled around the tail in his teeth as he pinned Raditz down with one hoof at the base of the tail and that grip.

"...please let me go?" Raditz pleaded.

"Nerp!"

"Is it important that plateau stay there?" Gohan asked curiously.

"Urryerp!"

Gohan glanced at the plateau, and then the area around it. "Does it have to do with energy flows in the valley?"

"Urryerp!"

"The energy you use to make plants grow?"

"Urryerp!"

"The energy that makes the apples in your tree so tasty and filling?"

"Urryerp!"

"Can we use a different plateau that doesn't affect that energy for you to practice raising after we knock it over repeatedly to help build up your energy reserves by exhausting them and refreshing?" Raditz suggested hopefully.

Big Mac thought for a time, then released Raditz' tail before stepping off him. "Eeyup."

"Okay," Raditz allowed as he gingerly rubbed his tail where the teeth had sunk in before getting to his feet. "We'll figure out a way to mark which parts of the valley are important to keep the same way for the pies, and then Gohan and I will go ape on the rest to train. Big Mac, your training is to keep the valley in good condition despite our training. Got it?"

"Got it, Uncle Raditz!" Gohan declared happily.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac agreed with a smile.